Fifty Shades: Slow and Steady
by Mrs. Fraser
Summary: For once in his life Christian Grey is willing to take his time on an acquisition, one Anastasia Steele. Instead of bull dozing her and manipulating her he does his best to resist her, knowing she's too good for him. Neither of them can stay away from the other though, forcing him to choose to change or to never even get the chance to be with her. (No cheating!)
1. Chapter 1

Hello all! This is my first foray into writing. I'll be switching POV's between Ana and Christian throughout the story and will really try to update regularly. I've used italics to indicate the characters' thoughts as the main style is like a diary of sorts. I've also given my Ana green eyes because, well, I've got them and don't we all want to be her in some way? She's also been given more of a diverse and strong personality, something I'd like to have seen. They are both a year older since I wanted Ana to have one year out of college to spread her wings a bit.

I've also started a Pinterest board for this story: /FSSAS/fifty-shades-slow-and-steady/

All rights go to E.L. James who owns the FSOG series and these awesome characters.

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May 14, 2011

**CPOV**

"One drink, Elliot. That's it." How the hell did I get talked into this? I don't give a flying fuck who his latest flavor of the week is. _Fuck!_ I shouldn't have mentioned that I was thinking about buying the damn club when he mentioned taking his fuck buddy to it. Now here I am, in an elevator going to the fourth floor of some apartment building to pick up Katherine Kavanagh.

"Would you calm the fuck down, bro? It's one drink then we can leave and see this club you're interested in. Why the hell did you ask us to come along if you're just going to complain the whole time?" He's serious?

"I didn't ask you to go you dick. You mentioned going there with this 'girlfriend' of yours when I mentioned that I was going to check it out tonight. Now I'm stuck going with you and your…. 'girlfriend'." I refrain from calling her his fuck buddy to his face, for Elliot this is definitely more on the serious side and despite my annoyance at having to spend the night with these two, I decide to use it as a means to an end. Kate's father owns Kavanagh Media and having him as an ally and contact doesn't hurt so I'll play nice for now.

I run my hands through my hair as does he, clearly a habit we picked up from our dad but one I'm unaware of unless I'm with Elliot or Carrick.

"And her roommate."

"Who's roommate?"

"Kate's roommate, Ana is coming with us." He's full on grinning now and I want to punch his mother fucking throat.

"This is not a double date, Elliot. What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't tell me that you've invited someone else beforehand?" I'm furious, there's no time for security checks of any sort. He is so damn annoying I swear if he wasn't related to me I'd have ditched him years ago.

"It's not a date. She has a roommate, she's new to Seattle, Kate asked her to go, you know, to have fun. It's what people in their 20's do. They go out and drink and dance and have fun. And stop putting the word girlfriend in air quotes. She's different and I think this could actually go somewhere so do me a favor and don't scare her away by being….yourself."

He's pissed and I don't give a fuck. He should have told me but here we are, standing in front of the door as it swings open and an exuberant blond jumps into Elliot's arms and kisses him, right there in the doorway. _Classy._

"Hey baby, this is my brother Christian. Christian, my girlfriend Kate."

"Hi, it's so nice to meet you, Elliot's told me so much about you and I'm so glad we get to finally meet." She speaks so fast it grates on me immediately but for Elliot's sake I shake her hand and plaster on the best fake smile I can.

"A pleasure, Ms. Kavanagh." I can see Elliot's eye roll but I ignore him. I want this night to end.

"El, I'm afraid there's been a change of plans. Our neighbor, the ones who moved in the same time we did, the wife went into labor about a half hour ago." She's looking at him with those puppy dog eyes and I know he's falling for it. _Good, let's go._

"What does that have to do with us, Kate?"

Is this woman going to invite us in or are we going to have our drink in the hallway?

"Sophie! Hold on sweetie, I'll get your baby for you. Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I didn't hear anyone knock." I see a small flurry of activity and then the clearest green eyes I have ever seen are staring at me.

** . .This?** Holy shit she's beautiful. I can actually feel my eyes widen with shock and when she looks at me I'm pretty sure I audibly gasped. _Fuck._

"Hi Elliot, it's good to see you again." She smiles at Elliot and then turns to me again and sticks out her hand, "Hi, I'm Ana, you must be Christian." The sound of my name on her lips makes my dick twitch and my heart ache all at the same time but I remember where I am and shake her hand, electricity zinging my palm.

"Hello Ana, you're Kate's roommate?" Of course she is you idiot. Why else would she be here, dressed like that?_ Wow, dressed like that._ I'm instantly regretting giving Elliot such a hard time, this would be so much easier to play off if he didn't think I was so against it but all of the sudden, I can't wait to get a drink and dance with this woman.

"Christian Grey, meet Anastasia Steele, my roommate."

She smiles at me and then leans down to pick up a small child. What the hell is going on? She's got a child? Elliot looks just as confused and he takes a step back in surprise.

"Right, like I said, our neighbor went into labor and Sophie's grandparents are about four hours away. So, since they know nobody in Seattle yet, they asked if she could stay here until the grandparents got here which is still a little over three hours away. I'm sorry, baby, I was so looking forward to going out with you guys."

No! No, no, no! I cannot let this woman get away so quickly. _Shit!_

"Listen, there's no reason we should all miss out, the three of you can go and I'll stay here with Sophie until her grandparents come. I'll meet you out." Ana says sweetly but my palms are sweating and I'm about to blow a gasket at the prospect of a night with my brother and his 'girlfriend' sans Ms. Steele. _Oh no, baby, now that I've seen you, you may as well strip, blindfold yourself and enjoy the ride. Actually, no blindfold, I want to see those eyes._

"Oh Ana, you're sweet but that just plain sucks. You and I will watch Sophie so Christian can check out the club. Elliot, why don't you go with your brother and then we'll meet up in a few hours?"

Elliot looks crestfallen and I'm sure I do as well. Without taking the time to think I blurt out, "Why don't Ana and I stay here and wait for the grandparents. This way you can take your car Kate and I'll have Taylor bring us later." I'm shooting him an icy glare, if he fucks with me now, I will kill him.

To his great credit he quickly wipes the incredulous look off of his face and smiles at Ana. "Does that work for you, Ana? Sophie seems to have taken a liking to you anyway." Thank fuck he got the hint.

"It's fine with me but Christian, you don't have to stay! I doubt you want to spend your Saturday night babysitting with a stranger!" She smiles shyly, her plump red lips capturing my stare.

_Oh Ms. Steele, you'd be amazed at what I'd do right now to spend some more time with you._

"I'd really rather wait until it's a bit later to get a real feel for the atmosphere and also get a better look at the bar receipts." I lie easily. I couldn't give a fuck about the alcohol tab or the atmosphere. I just want to know how the place operates and see if I can turn a nice profit off of it but at this point, I only care about seeing how Anastasia operates._ I wonder if she's a screamer._

I can see the hesitation on her face and I can literally feel the confusion coming off of Elliot but he's remained uncharacteristically quiet. As a last ditch effort I give her my best smile and shrug nonchalantly, "It's up to you of course but I'd rather wait a bit before heading over there. I can always go home and pick you up later." This way, I'm ensured a reunion with her no matter what her decision.

The kid is still looking warily at me but thankfully Ana has stepped aside so that I can enter the apartment. At least one of them has manners.

"If you're sure you don't mind, it may work out better if there's two of us here. I'm not exactly an expert when it comes to children." She blows upwards to move the hair out of her face and I find myself pulling my hand back, wanting to do the exact same thing for her.

"Perfect, it's all set then. I'll tell Taylor. Elliot, you and Kate head over and we'll give you a call when we're on our way." _Now go._

Elliot is still looking at me like I've grown another head but I stare him down and he blinks before saying goodbye to Ana and taking Kate's hand. I see her whisper something in her ear but Ana just giggles and waves her away. _Good girl._

As soon as the door shuts I take off my suit jacket and unbutton my sleeves before loosening my tie, never taking my eyes off that tiny black dress as she moves around the apartment settling Sophie in. It's just short enough to be sexy and the beaded tight material shows off her body well. But it's the top that's killing me. She's blessed with above average sized breasts, real, if I'm not wrong and I never am. The edge is low enough to tantalize but covers enough to not cross into slutty. The straps cross over her neck instead of her shoulders and meet at her cleavage.

"I'm going to go change into something more appropriate for babysitting, do you mind just keeping your eye on her for a quick minute?"

My eyebrows shoot up, this is way out of my comfort zone but I offered to help so I guess I have to actually….help.

"Sure. Did you eat dinner yet?" I know she hasn't since that was the first thing on our agenda tonight.

She reaches behind her and I know she's starting her zipper and fuck me if my cock doesn't begin to tingle again. _Is it inappropriate to offer to do that for her?_ I promise myself that I'll peel her out of that dress one day and glance back down at the kid.

"I didn't but I'm not all that hungry. If you want I can make something quickly, I'm famous for my sautéed potatoes. We don't have much else right now. If that doesn't sound good we can run to the store or get some takeout but it's already close to her bedtime."

She's standing there with her hands on her hips, the first inch of her dress unzipped and I can't for the life of me formulate a sentence. _Fuck, I want her._ _What's the likelihood she'll fuck me while the kid sleeps?_

"Whatever you make is fine." I'm surprised to find that I mean it.

She disappears into the bedroom and comes out in black yoga pants and a baggy cream colored off the shoulder sweater looking cute as fuck. _Cute? Oh for fucks sake._ Sophie and I have just been staring at each other and she runs back to Ana, her thumb in her mouth and hides behind her legs.

"It's ok, Soph. He's my friend Christian. Do you want to help me make some dinner? Are you hungry?" but Sophie is having none of it and starts crying. Ana shushes her and tries to calm her down, eventually giving up and putting on some dance music. Thank fuck the crying stops and she puts the kid down, sashaying her sweet ass around as she cuts up potatoes, onions, peppers and garlic. She puts on some dance music and tries her best to distract the kid with dancing and singing but it's me who's watching her.

I'm mesmerized, frozen to the floor beneath my feet watching her. I offer to help but she waves me off and I can do nothing but stare at her. She's perfection, breathtakingly beautiful with an ease about her that I've rarely encountered. I look down at the kid and she's watching too, her thumb back in her mouth and when she looks up at me she says, "pretty."

"Pretty, yes." Ana turns and picks up Sophie, spinning her in the kitchen while the food cooks and while I'm not all that thrilled about having just potatoes for dinner, I concede that it smells pretty fucking good. If it tastes good too, I'm marrying this girl. _Where did that come from?_

When we sit down I can't help but feel anxious, I'm sitting at a table with a woman and a child, both of whom I've just met, and we're having dinner. This seems a little too domestic for my liking but damn this food is amazingly good.

"This is delicious. Are you a chef or something?" she giggles and my heart stops while my dick starts tingling again. My fork is in midair but thankfully she doesn't seem to notice. I want to hear that again.

"Self-taught. My mom can't boil water and my dad would starve if they ever stopped allowing take out. I find it therapeutic, like a hobby. But this is an unfair introduction, potatoes are my staple, you're getting my best dish to start! It's all downhill after this!" She giggles again and I feel…calmed.

I help myself to more while we chat about nothing in particular and before I know it the food is gone and The Kid has all but fallen asleep and is lying on Ana. _Lucky kid._ She raises her eyebrows at me and puts out her hand, silently asking me to help her stand. No problem, anything for a little contact and some privacy. _Shit!_ That spark I felt when we first met is still there and judging by Ana's reaction she felt it too. She disappears into her bedroom and comes out two minutes later, sans Sophie. Finally, just us.

There's a shift in the air, it's just the two of us and we're still strangers but I'm hell bent on touching her so I've got to act like a normal guy and try the old fashioned way to get into her panties. _No contracts this time, Grey._ Something tells me Ana would have just about zero to do with that world. I should have paid more attention to Elliot, I have zero idea how to be 'normal'.

We clear the table and she washes while I dry, neither of us saying too much. I mentally try to figure out the last time I did dishes and I can't recall. When we finish I grab an unopened bottle of wine and hold it up, lifting an eyebrow. "Wine?"

She nods and gets the opener and two glasses. The vintage isn't too bad but it's not good either. She should only be drinking the best. Maybe I'll take her to Napa. _What the fuck is wrong with you? The minute she gets to know you she's history so get in her panties, fuck her brains out and get her out of your system._

We sit on opposite sides of the couch and she tucks one leg under the other while I pour her a glass. The way her hair falls over her shoulders is distracting and I have to shift so that I can hide my ever present erection.

"What do you do, Ana?" I find that I actually want to know and as she answers more questions fly through my mind. I'm eager for any information I can get on this woman.

"I'm a linguist, more specifically a hyperpolyglot. I own a small consulting company here in Seattle and I do translations for businesses and sometimes personal accounts." She's proud of herself and I want to squeeze her she's just so damn cute. _Fuck, is she blushing?_ So she's uncomfortable talking about herself. Interesting.

"You have your own company? How long ago did you start it? What do you speak? Do you do written translation as well?" I'm trying to control myself but there is so much I want to know. Her business actually gives me an opportunity to keep her in my life for a bit longer though it mixes business with hopeful pleasure, something I've not done before.

"I do, I started it about four months ago after freelancing for a year once I graduated. I'm fluent in Gaelic, French, Spanish, Italian, Latin, Portuguese and Mandarin. I'm proficient in Russian, German and Dutch and I just started learning Arabic. Yes, I do a lot of written translation, that's more than 60% of our current business right now, contracts, emails and meeting notes. Oh! And I can speak American sign language."

I'm thoroughly impressed. It was obvious to me that she was intelligent but this is way beyond what I expected. I respond in kind, "C'est incroyable, comment avez-vous appris toutes ces langues?" I'm thrilled when her hands clap together and she smiles, making her happy and making her giggle has now become my nights mission. That and fucking her of course.

"Christian! Vous parlez français! J'ai une oreille pour la langue, c'est tout. Je ne suis pas vraiment bon à rien d'autre, mais il vient facilement à moi. Un bon linguiste peut parler autant que quinze langues si non, je ne suis même pas que le bon moment!"

_Fuck. Me. Please. Fuck me, Ms. Steele._ I have to get those perfect red lips wrapped around me tonight. I'm at full staff now, the sound of my name followed by her voice in perfect French has me harder than I should be. Belatedly I realize I'm staring at her, open mouthed. I'm just happy I'm not rubbing myself through these pants. I blink and take a sip of wine, she does the same.

"Say something in Mandarin to me." I just want to hear her voice and watch her lips. I have no clue, not even the smallest idea of what she's saying right now but I don't give a flying fuck. _Just keep talking._ I only know she's finished when she reaches for more wine but I beat her to it and pour her more.

Drink up baby, it makes it that much easier to get those sexy tight pants off of you.

"Wait, did you just say American sign language? Isn't that a universal language?"

"Surprisingly, no. It would make things a lot easier for the deaf community if it was but it's kind of the same as us saying that everyone should speak English because it's easier."

"Point well made, Ms. Steele."

"What about you? What do you do besides look into nightclubs?" she's looking at me intently and though I've answered this question only twice in my entire life since anyone I interact with already knows what I do, I find myself annoyed. I want to hear about her, who gives a shit about my life? The less she knows, the better. I want her to stick around, not run screaming for the door.

"I buy companies that are failing or weak and sell them off in pieces. Sometimes I'll handle the merger of two companies and take over as owner." _Boring, moving on. When did you lose your virginity, Ms. Steele? Are you wearing thongs or bikinis? Have you ever been flogged?_

"Mergers and Acquisitions? That's cutthroat." Fuck, I've lost her already. "As long as you don't try to take my company from me!" she laughs and I want nothing more than to suck on the creamy skin of her neck. Her delicate collarbone had been taunting me all damn night.

"Actually, I was just thinking that I could use your services for a deal I'm working on in China. We've been reliant on the Chinese to dictate and translate and to be quite honest, I don't trust them. The few people I've got on staff here aren't privy to most of the negotiated information so I'm left with a bit of a problem. I assume your company would sign an NDA and a Non-Compete Agreement?" Perfect, sign the NDA and then I can tell you and do to you what I want and you can't say a word. I am so fucking brilliant it pains me.

"Of course!" she rolls her eyes and fuck me if that doesn't piss me the fuck off. Visions of her bent over the couch, her bare ass red with my hand prints all over it scroll in front of me and I like it, I like it a lot.

"I'll set something up then. You'll meet with me and my number two, Ros and we'll go from there." I've never done the hiring, never needed to but in this case, I'll be on top of the entire process. And hopefully on top of Anastasia as well.

Two and a half hours, two bottles of wine and the easiest conversation about everything under the sun later, there is a knock on the door. My stomach drops, I had totally forgotten that there was a sleeping three year old in the next room and as much as I wanted the night to continue, even I could see that the wine had taken its toll on Ana. She's not drunk but she's not sober either. I could see a little stagger in her steps each time she'd go to check on The Kid and despite my earlier plans to seduce her via alcohol, I just can't. She's too good, too sweet, and too kind and even though it kills me, I'll behave and not touch her. Not tonight at least.

Ana jumps up and opens the door, shaking the hands of Sophie's grandparents and congratulating them while I go and pick her up and carry her to her bed next door. My intention was to help but when I saw the tender look Ana gave me as I was holding the sleeping kid, I realized the opportunity this afforded for me. I can play the role of the sweet hearts and flowers guy if it gets me in her panties. I'm instantly disgusted with myself at the thought of misleading and using her and that confuses the fuck out of me too. True, I've never mislead any of the women I've fucked but I've never had three hour conversations with them either. Ms. Steele is fucking everything up in my perfect little world.

"Thank you so much for taking care of her, you and your girlfriend were so good to help out." The woman whispers as she tucks Sophie in. _Girlfriend?_ I don't correct her, something about this woman thinking Ana is mine pleases me and I give her a small smile before leaving the room.

I stroll back into the apartment and she's washing the wine glasses. I have to fight the urge to press myself behind her and kiss her neck._ Fuck! Her ass in those pants is incredible!_

"Do you still want to check out the club? Elliot texted a few minutes ago and said they were planning on staying for another hour or so." I'm hoping she wants to go, I'd like nothing more than for her to put that dress back on and dance with me, her hot little body pressed against mine. _Are those breasts real? Was my initial assessment wrong? They seem too perfect, just not too big for her small frame. I bet they are, she's not the type for implants_.

When she turns to me I know the night is over, she's half in the bag and tired. Damn.

"I'd love to but I'm beat. Rain check?"

Hell yeah rain check.

"Absolutely, I'll let you get to bed." Shit shit shit. I'm not ready to say goodnight yet.

"Thank you for staying with me tonight. It was sweet of you and I actually had a really good time. I may regret it when I wake up with a killer headache but tonight's been fun." She's smiling at me and walking towards the front door to let me out. _Shit!_

"I'll call you about the Chinese deal. Are you free next week to come in and get acquainted with the project?" I try to keep the pleading out of my voice and I think I manage it but I'm not entirely sure. I've never had to play these cards, the women I've contracted to fuck have all been brought to me willingly so this is totally new to me.

"I am. Just call me and we'll schedule something. Here's my card."

I grab my cell off of the coffee table and follow her to the door fighting the itch I feel in my fingertips to skim them down her face. Her big clear green eyes are watching me and I lean in for a kiss goodbye on her cheek. _Fuck she smells good._

"Goodbye, Ana. I had a great time, thanks for dinner and for letting me stay." I'm sincere, maybe for the first time ever in my life.

"Goodbye, Christian. I'll see you this week. Drive carefully!" and the door shuts. I feel bereft, lonely and isolated. _What in the fuck is wrong with you?_ I have to force myself to walk to the elevator and hit the button for the ground floor and when I climb into the car, my eyes are drawn up to the fourth floor where I see the light from her bedroom go out. Taylor waits for my instructions, he's just as baffled as I am at tonight's turn of events.

"Escala please."

I lean back against the leather head rest and imagine her in silk, snuggled up under the covers waiting for me to come home from work. _What is that all about? Don't you mean naked and writhing underneath you as she screams your name over and over and over?_ Ah, yes, there you go. I wonder what she's wearing.

The minute we arrive at Escala I make my way to the bathroom and get in the shower, the cold water doing nothing for the hard on I've had all night. Fuck it, I've got no choice here. I can't help but whisper her name when I grip myself and begin to pump up and down imagining it's her small soft hands. I'm surprised that the scenario I wind up on is one of her on her back, her legs wrapped around me. Unusual since I tend to envision whips and chains but this is surprisingly normal. I jack furiously as I think about her pert ass and that taunting collarbone covered in creamy skin and shock myself when I audibly say her name out loud as I come. _Well that's new._

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Translations:

~C'est incroyable, comment avez-vous appris toutes ces langues? = 'It's amazing, how did you learn all these languages ?'~

~Christian! Vous parlez français! J'ai une oreille pour la langue, c'est tout. Je ne suis pas vraiment bon à rien d'autre, mais il vient facilement à moi. Un bon linguiste peut parler autant que quinze langues si non, je ne suis même pas que le bon moment. = Christian! You speak French! I have an ear for language, that's all. I'm not really good at anything else, but it comes easily to me. A good linguist can speak as many as fifteen languages so no I'm not even that good yet.~


	2. Chapter 2

**APOV**

I wake up with a splitting headache and a vague memory of predicting it. It's all I can do to roll out of bed and take some Advil before lying back down and closing my eyes. _God he was so hot._ Did last night really happen? Did he actually offer to stay here and babysit and then stay the entire time? Did I rush him out of here?

My God is he hot! When Kate mentioned going out I was excited, I've been in Seattle for four months now and really haven't gone out much. She did tell me Elliot was bringing his brother and told me why but I was totally unprepared for the God that is Christian Grey. Geez, Kate could have warned me that male perfection personified was going to be coming to our apartment.

I don't think I made too much of a fool of myself. It hurts to think too hard but I replay the night in my head. No, I didn't make a fool of myself. Actually, I remember him almost licking his plate clean and helping me to clean up so dinner went well and the conversation afterwards flowed easily enough.

I've never been on a date and even though I know last night wasn't a date, it felt like one in so many ways. Alone, well, Sophie was sleeping in the next room but we were basically alone, with a man and a glass of wine. I could have killed myself for not having done my laundry and being forced to wear such a shapeless sweater._ It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Ana. Men like him do not check out girls like you._ Stop playing with your own head.

I felt like I held my own when we were talking, he's clearly used to being in control and being a CEO but after a little while I felt him loosen up a bit. The first time he laughed I felt my heart swell, the lightness of the moment overwhelming me. He was beautiful, his grey eyes crinkled in the corner and his perfectly white teeth on full display, a true panty dropping smile. I found myself wanting him to like me and after I told him about my business and he seemed impressed, I was on cloud nine.

"Ana! Are you awake yet?" Ugh, it is way too early for the Katherine Kavanagh interrogation.

"If I wasn't, I would be now. What time is it?" I'm not actually mad at Kate for barging in here but I did want to keep thinking about Christian uninterrupted.

"It's past noon! I want to hear about your night. I can't believe he stayed with you! Elliot was speechless in the car and when he could finally string a sentence together he just kept repeating how he'd never seen his brother like that. Please, please tell me you kissed him."

I roll my eyes and cover my face with the pillow, the bright light from the now open window too harsh. "Of course we didn't kiss. We had dinner, by the way we need to go shopping, and then I put Sophie to bed and then we sat on the couch and talked until the grandparents showed up."

"Oh my God! He stayed the entire time! Holy shit! I need to tell Elliot, he was sure he'd be gone within an hour. He likes you, Steele. Christian Fucking Grey likes you." She is positively giddy and I am about to puke.

"Kate, he felt bad for me and helped me with Soph. That's it. Men like him do not become interested in women like me. Now let me go back to sleep." I roll over again but she doesn't take the hint. She never does now that I think about it.

"Bull shit. Elliot said that he was pissed he even had to come here for a drink and was even more pissed that my 'roommate' was coming but the second you popped around the door he was all smiles. When I tell you Elliot was surprised, I mean it. He couldn't stop talking about it and I swear he called his mom when I went to the bathroom. He was truly stunned. Did you know he's a freaking billionaire?"

"He probably didn't want to go out and feel like the third wheel once I couldn't go. I'm tired, Kate, I have a headache, goodbye." Billionaire? He's so young, how is that even possible?

"Ugh. You're impossible. It pisses me off that you think you can't land a guy like Grey. You're fucking hot as hell. Shit, Elliot has four guys he wanted to hook you up with. You really need to see yourself the way we do, Ana." She kisses my forehead and skips out of the room before calling over her shoulder, "Oh, and he was fine being the third wheel before he knew you were coming so there goes that theory!"

I'd like to believe that Christian is interested in me, hell, he can even pretend and I'll play along but I know better. He's gorgeous, richer than God and way too smooth for someone like me. Even so, I can't help but acknowledge the electricity that ran between us the three times we touched and I did feel like he was watching me when I was cooking.

Was it really past noon? Grabbing my phone to check the time my heart jumps when I see text from him. When did I get his number? And when did he get mine?

**Good morning, Ana. Make sure you take two Advil and drink lots of water today. I'll call you later about an appointment.**

**-Thanks, dad, Advil already taken. Did we exchange numbers last night?-**

His response comes immediately and my pulse picks up, the resulting throbbing in my head unwelcome and annoying.

**That smart mouth is going to get you in trouble, Ana. I programmed our phones last night when you put Sophie to bed.**

**-Smooth. Going back to sleep, looking forward to our meeting.-**

**Lightweight. Me too.**

I'd love to banter back and forth with him all day but I quickly realize that makes me appear desperate so I end the communication and close my eyes while I wait for the medicine to take effect. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why isn't he complaining of a hangover? _Why does he have to be so freaking good looking?_

After another half an hour of day dreaming I drag myself out of bed for good and take a shower before heading to the living room to face the second round with Kate.

"Hey, what's your plan for the day?"

"Ideally I'd read all day long and go to bed early but I need to renew my passport and bring Wanda to Jose. She's been acting up again and I'm hoping he can fix it for free. You?" She's eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "And I'm going to the grocery store."

"I was hoping to have a spa day but I don't want to go by myself. Come on, daddy's treat!" Kate's dad treats her to a lot of things, none of them in person but well substituted in the form of silver plastic. Even I get the advantage of her spoils, this rent free apartment being one of them.

"Tempting and God knows I need another wax but I can't. If Wanda dies, I'm screwed. Plus I haven't seen Jose in weeks and I've put off my passport for almost a month. I can't risk getting a job overseas only to not be able to take it because I've gone for a massage instead of a renewal. Why don't you meet Jose and me for dinner later?"

"Bummer. OK, where and when? Elliot's busy so it'll just be me." Good, as much as I like Elliot, and I do, I don't want to lose the trio of our friendship that has gotten us through four years of college and one year of real life.

"I'll call you when we know. What's Elliot doing?" I'm hoping she doesn't realize my curiosity is a thinly veiled disguise at finding out what Christian is doing.

"His sister is back from Paris so they're having a family dinner. Christian picked her up this morning at the airport." So that explains the early morning text.

Mia. His sisters name is Mia and I am jealous of her and the fact that he's spending the day with her. _Get a grip, he's not even interested in you like that! Stop with the self-torture now for God's sake._

"Oh that's sweet. I'll call you later, have fun at the spa!"

I grab my bag and head out to Wanda. She is definitely falling apart, her paint has long lost its luster and she's got as much rust as she's got paint. Every time I get in this car I hope it starts and I am dreading winter when it's that much harder for her to turn over. But, she's my Wanda and I'll take care of her as long as I can. That and I'm not in the position to buy a new car. Or a used car. I sigh with relief when she starts up and silently cheer, 'student loans get paid another month!' as I pull into traffic.

* * *

Jose is wiping his hands off on a rag and when he shrugs his shoulders, I know it's not good.

"Ana, she's old. There's not necessarily one thing wrong with her, she's just old. It's time to put her out of her misery. And mine, and yours, and anyone else who has had to ride in her." He's trying to be kind but I still want to bitch slap him.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I know this already, I know I need a new car but I can't do anything about it right now. Story of my life. Things are always just out of my reach and quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

"Where do you want to go for dinner? I want Mexican." He smiles and runs his hand down my arm to comfort me but I know he wants to hug me. Jose is hot and funny and really sweet but he just doesn't do it for me. We've never had 'the conversation' but I know there's more to his side of our friendship to me and although I know he's had his fair share of girlfriends and hook ups, he's never attempted to breach that boundary with me.

"Mexican sounds good, pick a place and I'll call Kate."

I pull her number up and hit call while he decides. Her exuberance is evident over the phone and she answers with a quick, "Hey Ana. Guess what? Elliot asked if I'd come to dinner tonight! At his parents! He wants to introduce me to his family. Oh my god, what do I wear? What if they hate me?" She's screeching but I can't help but get caught up in her excitement. I do my best to calm her down before hanging up and filling in Jose.

"Just me and you tonight, Rodriguez, let's go. I'm hungry and I want an early bed time."

"Gee, sounds fun. I'll drive, I want to actually get there and back." He's laughing as we leave the garage.

* * *

I am again woken up by an excited Kate but this time I'm hangover free and eager for information. She got to hang out with Christian last night while I was home by 8 and in bed by 9.

"Morning sunshine, rise and shine, you've got a shower calling your name and brunch in an hour." She's all but singing as she pulls me up to a sitting position.

"I need a lock on that door."

She rolls her eyes and continues. "I think Christian was disappointed that you weren't there last night. I could see him look around me to see if you were there so of course I made sure he knew you were out to dinner with a man." She is positively giddy and bouncing on my bed but as her words filter through and get processed I'm not sure if I'm mad at her or elated that it looks like I had a date.

"Why would he care about that Kate?" I'm curious, that's all. I want to know everything down to what he ate and drank. OK, obsessively curious.

"Ummm, because he's got the hots for you. Elliot was all over him last night trying to get information but the only answer he'd give was to his mom who finally broke down and asked who 'This Anastasia girl was'." Her look is expectant and I realize I'm not playing this role very well. Snapping to I roll my eyes and ask her what he said.

"He said, she's Kate's roommate, we spent some time together last night while waiting for a neighbor to pick up the child she was babysitting. It was a nice time but we're not dating."

"OK, so what's the big deal? I told you the same thing, why are you and Elliot being so weird?"

"Because we both see the way you looked at each other before we left and even we could feel the chemistry between you guys. That and the fact that Elliot has not stopped talking about how his brother acted. I'm telling you Ana, his entire family was stunned silent when they heard that he had stayed here with you. Anyway, since you both seem to be stunted in the dating department, we're having brunch together in about an hour so get a move on."

"Who's having brunch?" My heart rate picks up and my eyes go wide. She didn't. One look at her smug face and I can tell, she did.

"My God you're killing me, Steele. You, me, Elliot and Christian." She's getting up to leave but my head is spinning with this information.

"Wait, whose idea was this?"

"Mine. I felt bad after I mentioned that you were out to dinner with someone. He seemed so angry all of the sudden so I mentioned that we tried to do brunch on Sundays and asked him if he and Elliot would like to join us. Ana, he jumped at it so fast his moms eyes almost bugged out of her head."

I take a deep breath and look straight at her. "Kate, we may do some business together in the near future, that's what you're reading into so stop. I'll go to brunch but only because I'm hungry and we did want to start that tradition, not because Christian Grey is going to be there." I'm already half undressed and walking into my bathroom. Yes! I get to see him again in an hour!

As quickly as I can I shave, note to self, schedule your next wax a.s.a.p., and shampoo. I settle on jeans and a white camisole underneath a blue and white striped open front sweater. Casual, yet chic and very brunchy. Is that a word? I grab the jacket he left here on Friday and head out with Kate after a quick application of mascara and lip gloss. I admit it, I absolutely love that he left something here. _Love it._

* * *

**CPOV**

Dinner was fucking painful. Fuck, Elliot has a way of just getting to me and fuck me why did he have to be there when I met Anastasia?

Anastasia, Ana, Ms. Steele. Anastasia Rose Steele. I had Welch run a background check on her first thing Saturday morning. I want to know all I can about her and I convince myself that I'd do this anyway since we're thinking of hiring her for a project. Her 'dad' is actually her step father and I'm curious as to why she took his name and opted to live with him instead of her mom. Nothing should surprise me anymore but when I saw that her mother had been married four times I couldn't believe it. Four times in less than 18 years.

Other than that, her background check didn't provide me with much more. She's got a few grand in the bank and her business does seem to be doing well for a startup with no capital and a niche market. She's got one full time employee so I pull their background as well and am impressed that she had the foresight to hire someone who spoke languages she didn't. _Smart girl._

I was looking forward to seeing Mia, she's annoying as shit but she's just about the only person I let in my personal space so that says something about my feelings for her. Ana is only a year older but light years more mature.

I actually pissed myself off I thought about her so much. My dreams were haunted as usual and as usual I woke up sweaty and freaked out but mixed in with my regular nightmares were snippets of our time together. I know Elliot is dying to know what happened but I'll be damned if I'm going to give him any information.

He's in rare form before Kate arrives but settles down when the tenacious Ms. Kavanagh knocks on the door. He's a man whore and to bring someone home is a big deal to him and to my parents. I get that. I just don't care. What I do care about is the fact that she's solo so I'm left wondering where the delectable Ms. Steele is. I don't like the idea of her home alone but when Kate informs me, oh so casually, that she's out to dinner with some fucker I'm furious.

I'm half tempted to trace her phone and show up at the restaurant but Taylor talks me down, assuring me that an action like that would only freak her out. We do however trace her number to a restaurant downtown and I stare at my phone every five minutes until it shows her back in her apartment. Is he there? Is he kissing her? Touching her? Fucking her? _Fuck!_ The thought of someone touching her is more than I can handle and I indulge in a few glasses of bourbon to take the edge off.

It helped enough that I could sit at the table and eat but the sullen silence my family is accustomed to with me returned. I had hit my limit on family time after having to explain who Anastasia was to my mother but then Kate threw me a bone.

"We have brunch on Sundays together at Americanas. You and Elliot should join us tomorrow, I'm sure Ana wouldn't mind."

Elliot is eying me, waiting for me to shoot her down but I surprise everyone when I ask her what time.

"11 am. Does that time work for you both?" She's smiling but I know that look, she may as well be screaming, 'I've got the upper hand'. I want to like her for my brother's sake and for Ana's but the truth is, I can't stand her. But if kissing her ass will get me into Anastasias good graces, then bend over baby.

"I'll be there." I'm eager to leave now, the promise of seeing her again in 14 hours too enticing for me to ignore. I want to be home and alone with my thoughts. And my dick. Visions of me fucking a naked and begging Ana on her kitchen counter are becoming more and more vivid and I just want to go home and play this little fantasy out.

_God, when was the last time I had sex?_ I think back to my last sub, Kate, ironically, and count the months. Fuck, no wonder my minds in the gutter so much, it's been four months since I've been in my playroom.

I take another cold shower to avoid jerking off again but in the end I lose the battle and succumb to my memory of Ana's perfect little body in that black dress bent over the back of the couch.

She flits through my dreams again and I seriously consider starting on the sleeping pills Dr. Flynn prescribed over two years ago. Four hours of broken sleep a night is catching up to me. I need to see Flynn again, it's been over two weeks and the nightmares are getting worse only because I'm having a harder and harder time waking from them. I give up any hope of rest at five and play my piano, the haunting melody of Claire de Lune flows off of the tips of my fingers and an hour later I'm ready to put the night behind me and face the day.

Taylor and I set off on our 6am morning run but I want to do more than the usual five miles so I push for two more, picking up my pace as I go. Thank fuck I found him, he's serious about my safety and doesn't rely soley on his gun but also keeps his body in top shape. I can appreciate that.

I've showered and shaved and am doing some work in my office to kill time before I can head off to see Ana again. It's only 8:30 and I'm just about pacing waiting for 11am to roll around. _What has this girl done to me?_

Finally, fucking finally Elliot rings that he's out front and I head down. I've given Taylor the rest of the day off, I want to try and be normal and I highly doubt someone is going to be a threat to me at Americanas. Right now, the only threat I feel is for my sanity since Ms. Steele seems to have stolen it.

"C, I don't know what this girl did to you the other night but I'm a little freaked out." He's driving but I can see the side glances he's giving me and it's pissing me off.

"Fuck off, Elliot." I growl, there is no need for him to know anything about my interest in Ana.

"Alright, alright. I've just never seen you so…animated. It's great, don't get me wrong, it's just thrown me off that's all." He's trying to be a good brother so I back down. I owe him that, the guys always been good to me even though I've been nothing but a schmuck to him for years.

I'm all nerves when we park the car and walk in a few minutes early. _Get a fucking grip you pussy! She's a 22 year old girl for Christ's sake. Yea, with long curly brown hair and green eyes that make me lose all train of thought._

"Kate's always late so let's get a table and some drinks while we wait." We're led to a semi private table on the patio. It's mid-May and while I'm comfortable, I do worry that Ana might get chilly._ Softy._

We've only just gotten the four mimosas we ordered when I feel her. Feel her, not see her. There's a crackle in the air around me and I'm drawn to look up and there she is in fitted jeans and a tight white camisole. _Fuck me she's even prettier today than she was Friday night._ When she spots us her face lights up and I swear I almost choke on my drink when she turns that smile on me. _You are so screwed, Grey._

"Hi guys!" Kate is louder than necessary but I don't really care, I'm just waiting to hear Ana's sweet voice.

"Hi Elliot. Christian." She looks down shyly and we stand, good mannered boys that we are.

"Good morning Ana. Kate." I lean over and kiss Ana's cheek and then quickly kiss Kate's while Elliot does the same. There's that zing again, I didn't imagine it. I've sat next to Elliot knowing that Kate would sit next to him leaving the other seat for Ana which just so happens to be next to me.

"You left this Friday night." _I know baby, I planned it that way so you'd have to think of me and see me again._ Her fingers graze mine when I take it from her and once again I'm hard.

She smells so good. _I have to have her._

"Thank you." I smile. She smiles back. My world is calm and peaceful and quiet.

They sit and we toast to the day with our drinks, her tiny fingers closing around the stem of her glass unaware of my vision of those same fingers wrapped around my now hard dick.

"How was your family night?" she asks me directly. Elliot and Kate are busy reading the menu. I already know what I want and it includes Ana, a bottle of syrup and some privacy.

"Nice, my sister has been studying cookery in Paris and is home now. She's a lot to take in but it was good to catch up and spend some time with her." Elliot is open mouthed listening to me. I swear I'll punch him in the throat if he starts in on me right now.

"That sounds wonderful, living in Paris and learning how to really cook. I'd love that!"

Baby, if you want to do that, I'll buy a flat there and you can enroll in Le Cordon Bleu and cook to your heart's desire. Anything you want, all you need to do is tell me.

"How was your dinner? Kate mentioned you had a date." Inwardly I cringe but I have to know. It's been eating at me since she first mentioned it and I can't go another minute without knowing what she did last night with that fucker. I try for casual indifference but I'm way too amped to pull it off.

"A date? God no. Our friend Jose worked on my car so I treated him to dinner last night." She grimaced at the word date, surely that's a good sign. Just a friendly dinner then. With a guy I don't know. I'm slightly mollified but not nearly enough. I don't want her going out with guys unless it's me. Maybe Elliot but even him I'm not sure about.

"What's wrong with your car?" Elliot asks after the waitress takes our order, her mere presence annoying me as she gapes open mouthed at me. _Yeah, it's just a face. Now scram._

She sighs heavily and I see Kate roll her eyes. It infuriates me but doesn't make me want to spank her, I reserve that for pretty brown haired girls. Like Ana.

"Nothing really. Wanda's old and she's at the end of the line, that's all. I'm attached so Jose is keeping her alive as best he can but I think I'm going to have to start looking for a new car soon. I'm planning to visit my dad in Montesano soon so if Wanda can hold off until then, I'll get something with him." _I can buy you a car baby, anything you want. In fact, let's leave here and we'll go pick something out for you right now. You'd look hot in red._

The conversation is easy with Elliot there to buffer Kate. She's definitely chosen the correct field for herself. I can't imagine a more annoying journalist out there. I'll need her to sign an NDA if she's going to be in our family but I know bringing that up will piss off my brother so I think I'll sit on it and bring it up when Ms. Steele isn't here to see the fall out.

Halfway through her pancakes Ana offers me a bite and I can't resist the idea of her feeding me so I accept and she giggles when a drop of syrup drips on my chin. I'm grinning like an ass but damn that giggle does something to me and when she wipes it off with her finger and then sucks said finger clean I just about come in my pants. She's not even trying and she's the sexiest woman I've ever met.

"Delicious. Want some omelet?" she nods yes and I bring my fork up to her mouth and watch her close her lips around it. _Shit I want to be that fork right now._ I'm grateful that my brother and his girlfriend aren't paying attention especially as I adjust the tent I've pitched in my khakis.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" she asks and my mind stutters as I try to pull myself out of this fog and remember.

"I know I have a conference call with Taiwan at 7pm and I'll need an hour to prepare for it with my team but other than that, nothing. What are you doing?" I'm hopeful her answer is the same as my brain is racing to come up with something we can do together. _Fuck! What do people do on the weekends when they're not working or beating the shit of submissives?_

"Grocery shopping!" she laughs. "I can't believe all I had to offer you was potatoes! We didn't even have decent wine!" She's blushing and my cock is angry at me, desperately trying to get next to her.

"They were damn good potatoes! I was hoping for leftovers to bring home but I couldn't stop eating them!" I'm smiling at her, just happy to be next to her. I glance over at Elliot and he is once again gaping at me but quickly shuts his mouth and takes a bite of his eggs. Kate is thankfully oblivious.

"Well thank you, I'll make sure to make some for you next time you babysit with me." I hope she's serious, I would do just about anything for a repeat of that night. "Anyway, I'm grocery shopping and then I'm taking a Pilates class at four."

I can't help but rake over her body, the open fronted cardigan hiding the majority of her delectable torso but I can see enough to know that she's in great shape. An idea takes shape and I jump at it.

"If you make me those potatoes for lunch, I'll go grocery shopping with you." Elliot is almost passed out at this point and I actually want to laugh and punch him at the same time. _Yes brother, I am flirting. I know you thought I was gay but, surprise! I'm not._ In fact, I have a whole room dedicated to fucking women and I do so, regularly. Or at least, I used to and I plan on starting it back up again just as soon as I can convince Ms. Steele here to drop her panties and bend over.

"Deal. We'll walk back to the apartment and take Wanda to the store. You're going to love her."

_Wanda? Who the fuck is Wanda?_ Oh right, the car. Whatever makes you happy, baby.

I throw a hundred on the table and stand, Ana following suit and it pleases me beyond anything that she is leaving here with me. I notice no less than three guys check her out as we're leaving and I find myself throwing icy glares at them. I want to grab her hand but I can't do that, she's not mine yet. The walk back to her apartment was quick and she ran up to get the shopping bags while I called Taylor about getting a security detail for Ana. Unbeknownst to her of course.

She grins as we walk to, _what the fuck is this? Fuck no._ I am not getting in that thing and neither is she. Abosfuckinglutely not.

"No. Just, no. This is a deathtrap. You cannot drive this, Ana!" I'm standing on the sidewalk and she's walked to the driver's side, her hand on the door. That Jose fucker let her drive this home? If he wasn't already number one on my shit list, he would be now.

"Get in, Christian. Wanda just needs a bit of new paint."

"Right. And a new engine, new doors, a new roof, some new seats and about 30 years back. No. You can't drive this thing anymore. Forget grocery shopping, we're going to get you a car." I whip out my phone to call Taylor but she stops me, clearly annoyed and not at all taking me seriously as she stomps over, her breasts bouncing with each step.

"Are you serious? Firstly, car dealers are closed on Sundays; secondly, I don't have the money for a new car and thirdly, fuck off! I love this car!" She's mad and standing a foot in front of me, her eyes alight with fire, her brows forming an adorable V in frustration. _Oh, I like her like this._

"Ana, firstly, I can get any dealer in Seattle to open for me in five minutes. Secondly, I've got the money for any car you want and thirdly, you can love this car all you want, it's a death trap." I'm not backing down on this. Her safety has quickly become priority number one to me and I realize with some shock that I'd put her safety above sleeping with her. Interesting.

She's staring at me, defiant and fierce and I want nothing more than to pull her against me like a savage and kiss her until her lips are swollen. _Fuck!_ There goes my dick again. I need to try a new tactic, this is not working with her. CEO Christian holds no sway on little Anastasia Rose Steele.

"Christian Grey. I do not want you to throw your power around to open car dealerships and I certainly don't want you buying me a car. I had a hard time letting you buy brunch! If you're so afraid of Wanda, then we can take Kate's car to the store but know this, I love this car and if you insult her again, I will not make you potatoes."

Shit. She's hot and serious. _Please, Ana, let me fuck you. Just once, that's all it will take to reel you in and then I can get my fill of you._

"Fine. What's Kate's car? I'd hate to miss out on lunch." I'm grinning and so is she, the argument shelved for now but she will not be driving this car much longer. If I have to get Taylor to steal it in the middle of the night I will. I've already worked out how to get her a new car, now I just need to keep the peace until I can put my plan in motion.

"It's a BMW, one year old. Does that satisfy you, sir?" FUCK! She had to say sir? Damn it, there is no way I can hide this fucking hard on now. Thankfully I've got my suit jacket slung over my shoulder from brunch so I pull it down in front and let her lead the way while I adjust myself to be a little less obvious.


	3. Chapter 3

**APOV**

Who the hell does he think he is? We just freaking met and he's telling me what I can and can't do? OK, so Wanda _is_ falling apart and the more I think about the billionaire CEO hottie Christian Grey sitting in the front seat the more ridiculous it seems but still, that's my car! Secretly I'm relieved, if she hadn't started up I would have been mortified and with Wanda, you just never know if today's the day she's going to flip you the bird.

I'm picking out apples while Christian studies the different varieties of lettuce. He looks so out of place pushing a shopping cart in his fitted blue button down and khakis. He is freaking hot as hell and I'm not the only one who notices. I can't help but see how many women, and even some men, stop to stare at him. He seems unaware, I guess after 28 years of being a spectacle you learn to ignore it but the blatant stares of some of these women is downright predatory. I want them to know he's with me, even if he's not with me, so I routinely check in and make small talk. He's receptive to me every time, his eyes fixating on mine whenever I speak and I can't help but feel like I've got the toy at the playground that everyone else wants.

"How many types of lettuce are there? This seems kind of redundant don't you think?" His eyebrows are knitted together as he reads the different packages in the crisper. He's serious and I stifle a laugh while quietly wondering when the last time he was in the grocery store was.

"When was the last time you went grocery shopping?" I just can't resist.

He purses his lips and crosses his arms across his chest and damn if he doesn't look cute doing that. That shirt does little to hide the strong and well developed chest and arms underneath and I make a mental note to check out his back. _And his ass, may as well while I'm back there! _I didn't get a good chance to study him Friday night since I was so focused on not just spitting out what was going through my head; _holy shit he's hot,_ on a continuous loop to be precise.

"I don't recall. Probably as a teenager with my mom. No, about eight years ago when I started GEH before I hired a house manager." He looks pleased with himself and I can't help but reach out and touch his arm as I laugh. He looks startled but smiles back. "Why is that so funny?"

"You have a house manager and I don't even have a house plant. We live in very different worlds yet here you are on a Sunday afternoon looking at lettuce. It's just funny."

He grins and casually throws his arm around my shoulder as he leans down. "I'm here for the potatoes."

I don't care what he's here for as long as he keeps his arm there. Man he smells good, spicy and masculine and something very much his own. Too soon he begins to push the cart again and after a half hour we're heading out and I'm walking behind him to admire the view. His back is broad with those flat small muscles on his shoulders that I can't seem to take my eyes off of and watching him flex as he lifts the bags and puts them in the car has me nearly panting. _I'd love to see him naked._

There! I said it! I, Anastasia Steele have finally met a man who makes me want to have sex. Too bad he's a god and way out of my league. What is he even doing with me in a grocery store? What is he doing hanging out with me, period?

The drive home is quick and I make sure to walk behind him to get another view of his ass. I put the food away while he checked out our music selection, muttering about the Justin Bieber cd he found. _Kate's! It's Kate's! I swear!_ He's put on the newest Maroon 5 album and I can't help but dance a bit as I get lunch started.

"You're sure you only want this? I can make something else too." He's watching me from the door frame, amused and unable to hide his grin. His hands are in his pockets, his legs crossed at the ankles and he pushes off before answering me.

"Nope, I want the exact same thing from Friday. Except with better wine."

"Well, we have a problem then, I've only got what I've got and it's no better than Friday." I feel a bit crestfallen, I really want to make him happy; that smile he's got is something else and something tells me it's a rarity. He looks at his watch and runs his hands through his hair. _Sexiness abounds._

"Can that hold for a little bit? There's a good wine shop about 10 minutes from here." He looks hopeful so I agree to go and we get back in Kates car but this time, he drives. I'm not sure she'll care but I plan on not telling her just in case.

The 'good wine shop' is actually one I've never been in because they only carry high priced wines and spirits way out of my price range. I'm more of a Mondavi and Absolut kind of girl. I'll just buy one bottle, it's the least I can do to thank him for Friday and for brunch. He holds the door open for me and ushers me in but when he crosses the threshold the man behind the counter nearly trips over himself.

"Mr. Grey, what a pleasant surprise! What can I help you with today?"

Christian glances at him and mentions what we're having and asks for a complimentary wine. He leads us to a $220 bottle of chardonnay and I just about faint but thankfully hold it together. Christian grabs two bottles and then turns to thank the man with nothing more than a nod, strolling out of the store without paying. _What just happened in there? _

"Don't you need to pay for those?" I ask when we're in the car. He puts the car in gear and gives me a confused look.

"They'll bill me directly." Oh, like that's the most common thing in the world, to have the merchant know who you are and then to leave without paying. Not in my world but clearly in Christian Grey's. In my world leaving a store with merchandise and not paying for it lands you in jail.

"I wanted to buy the wine as a thank you for helping me on Friday and for brunch this morning."

He looks pissed all of the sudden and he doesn't look at me when he says, "Anastasia, stop. I'm happy to buy the wine. I wanted to stay on Friday and I'm forcing you to make me lunch today and I was happy to feed you this morning. So just stop."

I sit, duly chastised and strangely turned on by his directness. I'm slightly embarrassed to be spoken to like that and my immediate internal reaction is to snap back at him but I decide on demure and fold my hands in my lap and smile at him as I say, "Thank you."

He turns his head and gives me that full on blinding smile of his that makes him look so young and he looks pleased.

He pours the wine while I finish prepping lunch. When it's cooking he asks me for a tour which strikes me as funny since the apartment is three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a kitchen and an open living and dining room. Not much to see but ok, I'll show you around.

He's particularly interested in my bedroom and I am so grateful that my mom always forced me to make the bed in the morning. It's clean in here and I stand near the doorway as he looks around, his eyes taking it all in. I run to the kitchen to stir the pan and he's still looking at things when I return, this time my reading collection.

"Hearts and flowers, huh? I'm surprised, your movie collection is mostly action but your reading material is mostly love stories."

"I majored in English Literature in college. Linguistics as my minor but was the only real option as far as jobs go. My dream job is to be an editor. I do like the classics but if I had to pick a genre that I liked the best, I'd pick sci-fi. 'Lord of the Rings', 'Outlander', those types of novels." The words are rushing out of me and I can't help it, I love the written word so much and I'm passionate about it.

His lips quirk up and he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, the gesture sending a bolt of heat down my legs. I'm momentarily paralyzed but quickly remember the food on the stovetop and mutter something about it not burning before we both walk out of the room.

Was he going to kiss me just then? Or was my hair just annoying him? Probably the later. I'm determined to regain the comfortable visit we were having so I push my thoughts to the side, I can deal with them later, and feed this beautiful man sitting at my kitchen table.

"Oh my gosh this wine is good." I'm on my second glass and he reaches for the second bottle but I stop him. "I have Pilates in an hour and I'm already feeling these two glasses. Plus, if you leave that here, you'll have a reason to come back for more some other time." _Shit! Did I just say that out loud?_ I giggle so that he thinks I'm teasing but the comment hangs there between us and I swear I see satisfaction flicker across his grey eyes.

"I don't need the wine as an incentive, Ana. But next time, you come to my house and I'll return the favor." He's smiling sweetly and I want so badly to kiss those lips but I refrain, I am a lady after all. "And by the way, who says 'gosh' anymore?"

"Are you laughing at me, Mr. Grey? I'll have you know that I have a litany of words at my disposal, I just choose to mix things up and gosh seemed like a good choice."

We're back at the sink, me washing, him drying and I am quickly becoming aware of the distance between us and the way it's getting smaller. I may be doing business with this man, I cannot keep fantasizing about him. Not to mention the fact that a guy like Christian Grey probably has a harem of women throughout Seattle waiting to sleep with him. I'm not that kind of girl so my options are limited to friends, or stalker. I'll choose friends since orange isn't my color and stripes make me look fat.

* * *

**CPOV**

What in the fuck is bibb lettuce and why in the fuck are there so many different varieties? They all pretty much taste the same anyway. "How many types of lettuce are there? This seems kind of redundant don't you think?"

She's laughing at me, standing right in front of me in public and laughing at me and I should be pissed but instead I'm watching her and taking her in. I didn't even know this woman two days ago and now she's got me standing in a grocery store picking out lettuce. She couldn't be more beautiful than she is right now, standing there in a cardigan of all things, and laughing at me.

"When was the last time you went grocery shopping?"

I have to really think about it. I don't remember outside of being dragged here with my mother but it had to have been when I first started GEH. I only hired Gail five years ago and before her I had a service that would come and bring groceries but that couldn't have been right away. When I tell her eight years, she can't help but laugh and then she puts her warm hand on my forearm and I feel dizzy. _More, touch me more._ She pulls her hand away after a minute but I'm not satisfied, I need to touch her so I make like I'm telling her a secret and put my arm over her shoulders. It's still not enough.

I pay attention to everything she puts in the cart, dutifully pushing it while she examines packages. I'm glad to see she picks a lot of healthy food, I want her to take care of herself. When we're finished I take a minute to allow myself to feel happy that I'm loading groceries and heading back to her apartment. This domesticity thing isn't so bad.

I want to know everything about her so as she puts away the groceries, I start snooping, a back ground check can only tell you so much. Her music is eclectic but her movie choices are pretty masculine. Not a lot of love stories or dramas which doesn't surprise me, Ana doesn't seem like the type that enjoys drama. I want to watch her dance again so I put in a cd and hope she can't help herself. I'm beyond pleased when I turn around and she starts moving those hips but what makes it so much better is that she's taken off the sweater and is in her jeans and white camisole. _Holy fuck look at her breasts._ I'm stuck in place against the door frame, not wanting to move for fear that she'll stop dancing so I stand there dumbly until she turns to speak to me.

Wine, yes, we do need better wine. It doesn't take much to convince her to come for a quick drive but I'm pissed that she puts that sweater back on. Damn, if I'd have known she was going to cover back up I'd have drunk vinegar. I'm pleased that the shop I frequent is so close and even more pleased when the owner himself is there. I'm ensured a good vintage and I show my face, something I like to do occasionally to keep people on their toes.

When she mentions that she wanted to buy the wine I'm pissed. I want to take care of her and do things for her. I've got plenty of money and yes, she could technically afford to buy the wine but it would be a hit to her and there is no way in hell I'd let that happen. I gear up for a fight about it, something tells me Ms. Steele isn't used to being told what to do but she amazingly looks contrite and thanks me. _My pleasure, baby._

To my utter delight she takes the sweater off and begins cooking again. I help a bit, getting plates and forks out and I'm pleased that I know where these things are in her apartment.

"Will you give me a tour while they're cooking?"

"Of the apartment? OK, there's not much to see." She puts the food stirrer thing down and walks to the back hall where Kate's room and the guest room are. I don't give two fucks about these rooms, I want to see her bedroom and eventually we wind up there. It's peaceful in here, no television but a lot of books and pictures. Unsurprisingly she has a lot of friends, I'd expect no less from someone like Ana. She is the definition of appealing and I'm again reminded that she is too good for me and that I need to keep this thing that we have to just friends. The last thing I want to do is ruin her with my darkness. The thought makes me sad and I push it away and busy myself with her books.

_Shit. Hearts and flowers. Damn it._ _You just resolved to stay as friends, this shouldn't matter to you at all._ I must have said something because she's answering me, going on about how she likes science fiction and how she loves reading. _God, that blush again._ I don't hear a word she's saying because all I can focus on are her lips and the urge to kiss her becomes overwhelming and before I know it my hand is reaching out to pull her face to mine.

I catch myself at the last moment and tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear but I can't seem to pull my fingers away. She does it for me though and reminds me of the lunch that's hopefully not burning. When she leaves the room she tosses her sweater on the bed and I can't help but picture her lying there.

"Fuck these are good. I'd like for you to teach Gail, my house manager, how to make these."

"Oh my gosh this wine is good." Oh baby don't moan like that in that shirt with your cute legs pulled up under you and expect me to remain a gentleman. I was saving the second bottle for next time but we can crack it open now, especially if she's going to roll her neck like that every time she sips it. Fuck my call with Taiwan, I'll get drunk here with Anastasia instead.

She stops me and jokes about leaving the wine here as an incentive but the incentive to visit Ana again is…Ana. I could give a fuck about anything else. It's nearly 3:30 after we clean up and I know she's got to get ready for her Pilates class but I'm a desperate man and I'm sticking around under the guise of giving her a ride so that I can see her workout outfit. I call Taylor to come here now and Ana promises me that her friend can drive her home afterwards.

I'm leaning against the table facing her door and I have to regulate my breathing when she comes out. She's got on black skin tight yoga pants and a bright orange lose tank top over her sports bra. I have_ got_ to send a personal thank you note to whomever invented those pants. Holy shit she looks good with her hair in a ponytail and her running sneakers on. I'm going to need a shower before my call. Again.

I follow her out because fuck if I'm not going to check out her ass at every opportunity and inwardly groan when she bends over to get in the back of the SUV after meeting Taylor. He looks at me but does well to hide his thoughts. I know he's wondering just what's going on and why I'm hanging around this woman.

Ana is chatting about the days this week that work for us to meet and I'm hoping that Taylor is listening because I'm focused on the low cut of her tank and the way her breasts are pushed together and up. I've never been more pleased with Seattles shitty roads and each pothole we hit gives me a little show and a little thrill.

"Thank you for coming with me and for the wine, it really was delicious." She's shy again and that delicious blush is creeping back up her neck and_ fuck me she's biting that damn lip again._

"I wanted to come and I'm glad you liked the wine. I'll call you tomorrow to set up our meeting, plan on lunch that day." Brilliant! I lean over and give her a chaste kiss on her cheek as Taylor opens her door. She kisses mine as well and I'm far too aware of the softness of her lips and the brush of her hair when she turns her head. _Sweet, she's so sweet._

"Bye, Christian. Thanks for the ride. Thank you, Taylor, it was nice to meet you."

"Have a good night, Ms. Steele." He smiles at her, actually fucking smiles at her and then slides back in his seat.

"What day did she say she could meet?" I'm borderline angry right now, he never fucking smiles. What the fuck was that about? Was he flirting with her?

"I believe she said any day except tomorrow or Friday." I study his face, impassive as usual but I know what I saw and I can't help but be pissed off. My phone is buzzing again and I finally take it out to see who's calling.

"Elena. What can I do for you?" Christ, I am so not in the mood for her right now. I flick through my call history and see she's called four times in three hours.

"Christian, it's been weeks since we spoke, how are you?"

"I'm well, thank you, and yourself?" _Get to the point._

"Wonderful darling. Are we on for lunch this Thursday?"

"I'll have Andrea look at my schedule and confirm with you either way."

"Good, there's something I want to speak to you about directly. I'll see you then."

She hangs up without a salutation which suits me just fine. I just want to get home, rub one out, close this fucking never ending deal and think about what the fuck I'm doing with this girl.

I do all of the things on my list except closing the deal, fuckers need more damn time to negotiate the shipping yard and the upper management employment contracts that I want to buy out. I pour myself a glass of bourbon and sit in my great room staring out at the Seattle night sky.

What the fuck am I doing? If I keep spending time with her, eventually I'm going to try and fuck her, I can't imagine a scenario in which we end up just being friends, whatever that means. I could use her translation services for this Chinese deal but the same problem presents itself, she's there in my face. I want her in my face, under my body, in my shower, on my pool table and therein lies the problem. I want her like I've never wanted anyone before. I've never encountered this issue so besides being...emotional...for the first time about a woman, I'm also confused.

My sexual experiences have always been very controlled and very much on my terms. At first it was with Elena and I had no say in the matter but that suited me just fine at the time. When that had run its course I had her sub for me after she begged to do it under the guise of 'training' me as a dom but that lasted less than a month. The truth was I found her revolting sexually at that point. The clubs I frequented catered to my BDSM tastes and provided, for a fee, a woman that wanted to be beaten and fucked hard and I delivered on that to satisfy my baser urges. When I moved into Escala, Elena started finding and sending me submissives that fit a very specific physical requirement. Thin, small, light skinned women with brown hair and a panache for pain.

Even though they were in my home and technically we were in a monogamous relationship, there was never a question of feelings or boundaries. There _were_ no feelings and the boundaries were outlined in contracts that were negotiated and decided on before we even met. These women shared my fucked up lifestyle and I had no regard whatsoever to what they thought of me. I took care of them financially and fucked them senseless using them to finely hone my sexual skills.

I grin, I can make a woman come in less than two minutes. My record is one minute, 34 seconds. _Big fucking deal asshole, how many woman can say you've made them happy?_ Zero.

There was the odd one here and there who eventually told me about the feelings they had developed for me and I always ended the contract then and there. I can't have that in my life, it fucks everything up and besides, I'm not capable of a relationship that fits into the normal parameters, haven't even considered it until now and even now I'm not sold on it. How could this work between her and I?

Simple answer, it can't. She deserves hearts and flowers and love and adoration. I can do the adoration but the rest of it, I'm incapable. Hell, I already adore her. I'm smiling like an idiot thinking about her and her mannerisms while I sip my bourbon. The two times we've 'hung out' as Elliot calls it have been great. I actually laugh with her, real honest to goodness laughter and I _feel_ lighter, like the weight of the world isn't on my shoulders. I went to a fucking grocery store for fucks sake!

I pour myself some more and try to rationalize it out by making excuses for my recent behavior. I haven't had a sub in over four months so I'm looking for a sub and she's the physical embodiment of what my definition of the perfect woman is. _Fuck is she ever._ I can't help but think of her in that little white tank. Shit, another fucking hard on. I need a sub, period.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that the prospect of finding and starting with a new sub didn't excite me in the past but I certainly didn't dedicate this much time to thinking about it. And they were a garaunteed fuck! I haven't even kissed Ana and I'm thinking of ways to flay that fucker she went out to dinner with. _So this is what jealousy feels like. I don't like it._

"Sir, can I heat up dinner for you now?" Gail asks from the kitchen. Shit, I'd forgotten to eat. This is totally ridiculous.

"Yes, that would be fine, thank you, Mrs. Jones." I throw back the rest of the bourbon and resolve to stop thinking about Anastasia but even as I think it I wonder what she's doing right this very minute and I can't help but smile at the parting shot of her in those fanfuckingtastic pants turning to wave goodbye to me.

* * *

**APOV**

"Deny it all you want, Steele, you're dating."

"Oh for fucks sake, Kate, we are not! We're friends and hopefully he'll turn into a business venture for me as well. Landing a contract with GEH would really put me out there plus, I could use the money right about now. In case you didn't notice, Wanda has decided to shit the bed."

"Whatever you say, Ana but let me say this. The man is hot as shit and rich as fuck. If you don't move in on him, someone else will." She takes a sip of her beer and points her finger at me knowingly. "Mark my words, he's ready to come off the market and if you're not the one picking him up, someone else is going to, men like the Grey brothers don't last long out in Singleville."

I take a thoughtful bite of pizza and turn the movie on. Why am I killing myself every other day with two hour Pilates classes to come home and eat pizza and drink wine? Kate insists on drinking that vile low calorie beer but I can't stomach the taste of it. _Why doesn't he have a girlfriend?_ He's good looking and engaging, intelligent and yes, wealthy. I should google him later when I'm alone.

We watched a movie called "Julie and Julia" and while Kate fell asleep on the couch, probably tired from a weekend of nonstop sex, I was inspired. I cleaned up the wine, beer and pizza and then woke up Kate to go to her bed before heading to my room. I looked up Julia Childs recipe for beef borguinoine and quickly dismissed it for Ina Gartens instead. Then I googled Christian Grey.

**Holy. Shit.** He owns like, everything in Washington and mostly everything in the rest of the world. He was placed number four on Forbes richest people in the US list last year and has been on of Peoples Most Beautiful People for six years running. I read the article in Forbes and am astonished, no, blow away that the very same man I made potatoes for and dragged grocery shopping with has an estimated net worth of over 11 billion dollars. Billion. All of the sudden the brunch and the wine seem insignificant.

What the hell was he doing hanging out with me for the weekend?

There's not many news stories on him other than those that focus on his business ventures, it seems he keeps a pretty tight lid on his private life and although I'm glad he's getting his way on that front, I'm frustrated by the lack of information on his life. I can find out quite a bit about the company he owns and the companies he's acquired but none of that interests me. I admit to myself that what I'm really looking for is his dating history.

On that though, there is nothing. Zilch. Nada. Instead there are articles and blurbs questioning his sexuality and I pause to think. He didn't _seem_ gay and I could have sworn he was flirting a few times but due to my lack of experience, I could be totally wrong. In fact, I'd rather assume he was gay, this way it won't hurt so badly when he doesn't pursue me. Perfect, problem solved.

I hit the image tab and let out a groan. He is so amazingly good looking in every picture. His unruly just fucked hair makes me sigh and I find myself enlarging certain frames to get a better picture of his eyes. Not one picture of him and a woman shows up except for two with his mom and one with his sister. In every single picture he is alone and scowling. It makes me sad to think of him alone and I grab my phone and send him a quick text.

**-hope your call went well, wine before Pilates is not a good combo!-**

His response is immediate and so very Christian that I smile.

**Fuckers need more fucking time. Wine is a good combo with anything!**

**Not everyone is as competent as you, Mr. Grey. Sleep well**

**-Ms. Steele, you have no idea how competent I can be. Good night.**

See, now this is where I need Kate. Is that flirting or is he referencing something else entirely? I don't know and because of her persistent badgering about the nature of our relationship, I can't even ask her outright so I go to bed and dream of grey eyes and perfect white teeth.

I'm hardly surprised when my office phone rings at precisely 9am on Monday. I'm rarely in this early but I knew he'd be calling and I wanted to seem professional so here I am, not yet finished my coffee and barely awake.

"Steele Translations, Missy speaking."

"I'm calling for Anastasia Steele please, this is Christian Grey." I can hear his voice on the other end and I am desperately trying to not jump on top of Missy and rip the phone from her ear. I've already briefed her on who was going to be calling and just how big this project could be for us so she's at her best.

"One moment please, Mr. Grey."

I take a deep breath and answer in my tiny office. "Good morning, Christian! How are you?"

He chuckles on the other end and answers me with that sweet seductive baritone of his that I'm finding harder and harder to get out of my head. "I'm well, thank you. And yourself? Did you recover from your drunken workout?"

"I was not drunk! You saw me! Though that's the last time you'll convince me to drink that early in the day." Business, Ana, this is about business right now. "Were you able to come up with a good time to meet?"

"Yes, does Wendesday morning at 11am work for you? I anticipate needing at least an hour to go over our needs and another hour to have you look over the work we've received. I figured we could go for lunch afterwards to wrap up the details."

Two days to get my hormones under control and get myself into business mode.

"Sounds great, I'll see you at 11am on Wednesday then."

"Anastasia, I'm looking forward to it. Goodbye."

I'm giddy and I don't know if it's the prospect of a big account, the rush of the deal or the fact that I'll be seeing Christian in two days. Missy is standing in my doorway and I flash her a grin and ask her if she wants another coffee. I need to walk and get out of her before I explode with excitement.

* * *

**CPOV**

"Mr. Grey, I'd like to switch up routes this morning, it's been four weeks of the same."

"Fine, Taylor. As long as it's six to eight miles." I get the need for security but our current route takes us right past Ana's office building and I was looking forward to noticing it this time. It's your typical brick and mortar building and I've not seen her actual office but the floor plan shows her on the second floor. She herself is in a space the size of my smallest conference room at GEH but nonetheless, I'm proud as fuck that she's doing this on her own.

"I'm going to want a session with Bastille and Flynn today as well."

He nods and we begin our run. I've spent the better part of Sunday night learning as much as I could from various sources on my girl. _My girl,_ I like the sound of that. There's not much more I can learn but I did manage to get the blue prints for her office and a listing of a few of her clients. Mostly businesses dealing with offices in Europe but two of her clients are pretty big players in Seattles realty business and I'm impressed.

I'm on a mission when I get into the office and ask Andrea what my Wednesday looks like. Packed with meetings and calls of course.

"Clear me the hours of 11 through 3 and tell Ros to clear 11 to 1." As expected whenever I screw around with Ros' schedule she shows up within minutes. _It's my company, you'll do what I want, when I want it and how I want it._

"Christian, what's the deal? Two hours to meet with a potential translator? Has this company been vetted? Referenced? Background checked?" Ros is my number two and the only person outside of my family and Elena who calls me by my name. And now Ana of course. I smile at the realization and Ros stops speaking, her eyebrows furrowing as she tries to figure out what the fuck is going on.

"We're hiring this company, Ros. The woman who will work with us directly is the owner and she's the best. Wednesday is simply to brief her on the project and to provide her with what we've received so far as far as the translations go."

"Oooookay boss. I'll have the paperwork and the files ready for….her….review." she looks smug and I dismiss her with a wave, picking up my phone to make the much anticipated call to Ana's office. I don't know that I've ever made an appointment directly but there's no way in hell I'm having Andrea call when I could speak to Ana myself.

Her voice is just as pleasing on the phone as it is in person and I sneak in a casual lunch request. I'm getting good at manipulating dates with her. I know my goodbye to her bordered on indecent but I just can't help myself right now, I'm so fucking thrilled at this most fortunate turn of events. Hanging up the phone I go back into CEO mode after I sneak another glance at my phone and the picture I took of her cooking yesterday without her knowing. It's from behind but I can still appreciate the shiny curls that hang down her back and the softness of the skin on her shoulders and arms. And that ass, _come on good Lord that ass,_ tapering up to a sexier than fuck waist attached to a pair of hips just begging for me to grab them. I growl and shake my head before yelling for Andrea to go over the days schedule.

* * *

"Christian, good to see you again." Flynn says as he ushers me into his office and I take my seat.

"Of course it is, every time you see me its $450 in your pocket." I'm always an asshole to him when I first get here and most of the time when I leave. I've often asked myself why I'm going to him in the first place. I'm a total fuck up and if there's no heart to fix, why bother? I've determined that these sessions are a sort of penance for my lifestyle, a sick way of balancing out the scales in my life. Sometimes I'm hoping for a change but I still don't know what that change is.

"Where would you like to start today?" The prick sits there with his tablet balanced on his bony English knees, probably playing Words With Friends. I wonder if sadist is an acceptable word….

"I don't want to start. You're the pro, you tell me what to talk about." Yup, I'm an asshole.

"It's your dime, Christian. We can either sit here and banter or we can do some work. Let's start with why you called a session today, usually we meet on Wednesdays."

I can't help but run my fingers through my hair and drag them over my face. Why is this so hard to say? This man knows I beat and fuck women that mean nothing to me. He knows I've been a submissive for an older woman at 15 and he knows _why_ I like my submissives the way I do.

"I met someone. A friend, if you will." I look at him directly. _Bring it on doc._

His face is impassive but I can detect the movement in his legs, this is new for me and something he's been encouraging for years now. "Is this someone a woman?"

"Of fucking course, John. You think I'd need to talk to a shrink if I'd made friends with a man?"

"How did you meet this woman?"

"She's roommates with my brothers girlfriend." I tell him everything and leave nothing out, not the thoughts I had, not the things I had done to glean information about her.

"I notice that you smile a lot when you speak of her, this is wonderful Christian. What is it that makes you so afraid that you need a session?" he's goading me and I take the bait.

"I'm not fucking afraid! I'm conflicted. I like this girl, she's funny and smart and sexy as all fuck and I don't know her entire history but I'm damn sure she doesn't like being tied up and whipped so where does that leave me?"

"Why can't you try to have a normal relationship with her? You continually call yourself a sadist but I've told you over and over that your lifestyle, your sexual preference is just that, a preference. A choice that you make." I've heard all of this before and I simply don't buy it. I've never had a relationship with a woman outside of those parameters and I just don't think I'm capable of it.

"John, you know why I can't pursue her. I'm fifty shades of fucked up and she's, well, she's not." I'm discouraged and downtrodden, the hope of him offering a quick fix vanishing with each passing minute.

"Christian, you have choices to make in life every day. Some are easy, some are hard. This one seems easy to me but you've got to get your mind off the track it's been on and choose between what you want and what you know."

I'm staring at him with slitted eyes, this is the best he has to offer? "You're basically saying that I can do whatever I want and I already have the keys to do it, I'm just holding myself back? That's great, John. Thanks for nothing."

I storm out like a petulant child but I don't give a fuck. Does he not get it? I want this woman, I want to actually be with a woman and I want more than just sex from her. And his advise is to 'just do it'. Fuck that noise, he's as clueless as I suspected.

That night, lying in bed after my nightly session with the shower, my fist and my vision of Ana I make my decision. I know what I am and I know what I can offer and what she needs and what she deserves is not me. It'll kill me but I'll control myself and keep this platonic for her sake. I hate myself more than ever right now.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows so far. I will try to respond to the reviews individually as well but for now, thank you for taking the time to leave one!

**APOV**

_You can do this, you look great, you're prepared, you're going to be just fine. You're going to nail this!_ I'm sitting in Wanda in the parking garage of GEH giving myself my routine pep talk before heading into my meeting with Christian. I felt good about it until I did a drive by this morning and saw the 20 floors of steel and glass and realized that he owned all of it. He owned all of it! By himself! At 28 years old. Actually, at 24 since that was when he bought and renovated this building. He owns this and about 500 other businesses and I own...Wanda. And she's leaving me.

_Ana, he's the same guy who couldn't figure out the lettuce at the grocery store a few days ago. You will be fine. Just speak the language!_

I've parked in one of Christians personal spaces per his instructions and chuckle when I see a few employees walk by and do a double take at my car. $100 bucks says it's towed when I come out. I've got on my favorite business suit, I've blown my hair out so that it's neat and orderly and I've got my real Louboutins on, courtesy of Mr. Kavanaghs 'spoiling'. I'm impressed when the blond receptionist knows who I am and escorts me over to the private elevator that goes straight to the 20th floor. I do a quick once over in the lift and take a few steadying breaths before I exit onto the white marble floors.

_Holy mother shit balls._ His private lobby is bigger than my apartment! Oh great, there goes the confidence I tried so hard to command. The perfect blond behind the desk rises to greet me and extends her hand as I walk towards her.

"Ms. Steele, I'm Andrea, Mr. Greys assistant. He's expecting you, please follow me." When we get to the door she pauses to ask if I'd like anything to drink. _Yes, gin, straight up._

"An iced tea, unsweetened would be most appreciated." I need the liquid, my throat is closing up on me as the reality that is Business Man CEO Extraordinaire is taking a meeting with me. She opens the door and he stands to greet me, buttoning his suit as he walks from behind his desk, a smile stretching across his perfect face.

Gosh darn it he looks good in a suit and tie and he knows it. If I was feeling light headed from my anxiety before, I'm now about to faint. It should be illegal to look the way he does.

"Ms. Steele, good to see you again, please, take a seat while we wait for my associate Ros Wagner to join us." Formal, ok, I can handle that.

"Thank you, I'm happy to be here. I appreciate the opportunity to speak with you both."

Andrea comes back with my tea and sets it down on the table where we'll be sitting. As soon as she leaves Christian puts his hands on my shoulders and lowers his head and his voice. "You're going to be fine, Ana. Relax, I'm not going to bite you."

His hands touching me are doing nothing to relax me, in fact, the opposite is true. I can actually feel the blush creeping up my throat and face and now I'm really flustered.

"Christian I'm fine, really." He pauses and smiles before lifting his hands as the door opens again and a tall red head walks in, her hand outstretched to shake mine.

"Anastasia, I'm Ros Wagner. It's nice to meet you." She glances at Christian and gives him a slight nod, "Mr. Grey, good morning." He nods back and another immaculate blond walks in with a box of files. I'm sensing a theme here.

"Shall we?" Christian gestures to the sitting area and we sit together around a low glass table. Ros immediately takes the helm and explains the outline of the acquisition they're working on. I'm with her so far but I'm anxious to get to the part where I come in, that's where I'll feel like I've got some solid footing for this meeting. Ros pauses and pulls some paperwork out of a folder she's laid on the table.

"Ana, before we go any further we need you to sign an NDA and also a non-compete agreement. These are necessary formalities and due to the nature of this acquisition and the money involved, we need to cover our asses." Christian is watching me but this isn't my first rodeo. This is pretty standard and I reach over to take the papers from her.

"If you don't mind giving me a few minutes to read these over, I'd appreciate it."

I see Christian grin and lean back, his index finger running over his mouth while I glance at the contract. "I take issue with this appendix here on the non-compete. I'm not willing to sacrifice potential contracts during the time I'm working with GEH, that's bad business for me and a non-negotiable."

Ros raises her eyebrows and looks at Christian. He sits up and looks at me straight on, his elbows leaning on his knees. "We'll have legal rewrite and revise it. Anything else?"

"No." I sign the NDA and hand it back to Ros and put the now defunct NCA in my briefcase.

Clasping her hands together she stands and grabs the box the blond assistant brought in. "Now to the meat of the project." It takes another half hour for her to explain the more sensitive and detailed areas of the project and Christian interjects when necessary. When she's finished we stand and she shakes my hand.

"It was nice to meet you, Anastasia. I look forward to your proposal. Mr. Grey."

"I'll let you look over the paperwork here. If you have any questions, just ask. Can I get you anything?" _No, unless you're willing to work naked. Well, you can leave the tie on._

"No thank you, I'm all set for now."

I'm left alone in the sitting area for another half hour to go through the paperwork that shouldn't leave GEH while Christian works at his desk. My back is to him but my awareness of him in the room with me keeps me on my toes, I so want to do a good job and impress him. The person that had been handling the translations so far had done a fair job but it was immediately clear to me that the workload was heavy and intricate and needed singular attention, something it wasn't getting.

"It's one o'clock, let's go for lunch. Just leave this stuff here, someone will get it back to Ros." I can smell his aftershave when he leans over the table to look over my shoulder at the document I'm reading and as much as I want to bury my face in his chest I don't. Instead we walk towards the elevator and step inside, the air around us instantly changing. It's charged, electric and I feel a literal pull towards his body that traps the air in my lungs. _This is crazy._ I don't dare look at him but instead stare straight ahead and do my best to get a freaking grip. When the door slides open to the glass lobby, I can't get out of there fast enough.

The people milling about watch with rapt attention as we meander through the lobby and out the doors to the sidewalk. "Why is everybody staring?"

He leans in conspiratorially and whispers, "Probably because they've never seen me leave the office with someone other than my sister for lunch." I give him a big smile, my heart filling with joy because in that moment I know that he's let me into his private world and I'm thrilled.

"There's a small bistro around the corner that serves an amazing steak frites. The entire staff is French too so you can impress me with your linguistics." I can't help but laugh since he speaks French as well as I do but I do always look forward to being able to converse in other languages.

The hostess walks us to a private booth in the back and Christian puts his hand on my lower back to guide be between the tables. It feels good.

* * *

**CPOV**

"Andrea, the minute Ms. Steele arrives I want her escorted to my office." I know the assholes from auditing are using the upstairs conference room that looks out at my lobby and I don't want the fuckers eyeing her.

"Of course, Sir." You know why I keep Andrea around? Because she doesn't ask questions that aren't relevant and she almost always knows what's not relevant and what is. There is nobody on my approved list of visitors who is granted immediate access to me. Not even Elliot is shown right in unless the door is open. But Andrea just gives me a 'yes, Sir' and continues on her merry way.

When 11am rolls around I'm just about to pull my hair out but then the door opens and in walks Anastasia. I can't help the grin that spreads across my face, _fuck she's so beautiful!_ I do my best to check her out without her knowledge and I'm quite satisfied with what I see. She's nervous so I do what I can to calm her but touching her soft shoulders was a problem because now I don't want to let go. I do, just in time for Ros to walk in. That's one conversation I'm not having with my number two. We make our way to the sitting area and gentleman that I am I let the ladies go first. It's just my good fortune that this allows me to check out Ana from behind. _Holy fuck she looks good._

Ros goes over the more succinct points of what we're trying to accomplish with this particular acquisition and I sit back and watch Ana take it all in. She seems to grasp the general concept so I give Ros the go ahead and she presents the legal documents for signing. Usually I get super pissed if someone signs a contract without reading it and even more pissed when they take up my time to read one but when Ana takes a few minutes to read the papers over, I have to sit back so that I don't squeeze her. _A-fucking-dorable._

I'm stunned when she nixes one of our appendixes but have to agree that in her position, it would be unfair to her business and also cause her fledgling company to falter. I quickly agree and we move on to the finer points of what we're striving for with the Chinese before Ros excuses herself and hands over documents, all in Mandarin, to Ana.

I follow suit and give her some time to pour over what's in front of her. These documents won't leave GEH but in order for her to give me a proposal, she needs to see what the job entails. I'll also give her an encrypted and coded flash drive after lunch for her to look at.

Fucking hell I can't take my eyes off of her. She keeps biting that plump bottom lip of hers and fuck if I don't have another fucking erection! I attempt to work, and I do answer a few emails but I keep one eye on that side of the room. Twice now she's bent over to reach across the table and that is not a sight I'm willing to miss. Her ass is perfection in a pencil skirt. And yoga pants. And little black dresses. And jeans.

At precisely one o'clock I walk over and stand near her, she's bent over and I allow myself a few seconds to envision my hands around those hips, thrusting into her. "It's one o'clock, let's go for lunch. Just leave this stuff here, someone will get it back to Ros." thankfully comes out of my mouth instead of the _'please let me fuck you' _that is running through my head.

The minute the elevator doors slide shut I'm acutely aware of the woman next to me. I didn't think I could feel more of a pull for her but, turns out, I can. If I turn my body to her, I will take her right here, right now against the wall and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't appreciate that. Instead I practice my breathing and control and as soon as the doors open she's out of there like a bat out of hell and I finally release the breath I'd been holding. _What was that?_

I'm loving the stares we're getting. _That's right fuckers, she's with me so back the fuck off._

The bistro is the same place I go to with Mia on our monthly lunches and the hostess is temporarily caught off guard when she sees Ana and not my sister but all is forgiven when she leads us to a back booth. Some pencil necked limp dick is staring at Anastasia as we walk by so I glare at him and place my hand on her back to mark my territory. _What am I, a dog?_ I can feel the shift in her muscles and add the feeling to my memory bank for later.

Another meal, another easy conversation, another bottle of wine. She's relaxed and open and I could do this every day with her. We talk about everything but business and when I get her laughing I can't help but laugh with her, she's contagious and I want in on whatever she's got. _Just friends, remember?_

Limp dick is gone when we leave an hour later but I still put my hand on her lower back. I'm hesitant to get in the elevator with her but I have no choice so we walk in and I see her tense up. _She feels it too._ When the door closes the electric is there again and I can smell her, the scent of her perfume or body wash or shampoo filling my head and making me dizzy. I've got to find out what that is and buy it. All too soon but not soon enough we're back in my office and she's sitting across from me at my desk. Here is where I drop the hammer. _Settle in, Ms. Steele and watch the manipulative power that is Christian Grey, CEO._

"So, I realize you'll need to come up with a proposal and we'll need to sign off on a mutually agreed upon NCA but for now, I've outlined some of my demands for your contract term." She takes the slip of paper and reads it, her eyebrows shooting up at the end before a smirk catches her lips. _She's on to me._

"Mr. Grey, I understand the need for me to have a private office here and am fine with that situation as long as we are in agreement that I do have my own office that I will need to be at occasionally. Your payment terms are agreeable and quite generous and I do agree that the project will take between the next three and five months depending on the turnaround time of the Chinese government. I agree to necessary travel and the compensation provided for it. I do not, however agree to a company car. I'm not an idiot, Mr. Grey. Your thinly veiled attempt at buying me a car isn't going to work." She sits back and folds her hands in her lap.

"Then I won't hire you. The car comes with my terms. I need you safe, I need you to have reliable transportation to get here and did I mention that I need you safe? All upper management and upper management assistants are given a car upon signing their contract, you are considered upper management for the duration of this project. I'd like you to start next week as long as your proposal is approved but the car leaves with you today." _Game. On._

She's lowered her lids to mere slits now, the vibrant green dark and unpredictable but I'm not backing down. The thought of her in that fucking clown car she drives in makes me ill and I won't allow it anymore. Do I tell her Taylors already moved her things into the Audi and has removed the beetle to a more...secure...area?

"You leave me no choice. Where are the keys?" My girl is furious and trapped and smoking hot.

I call in Taylor who immediately hands her the keys to a brand new Audi 6. Her eyes bug out of her pretty face and she scoffs at me. "Christian. Are you for real?"

"Yes. Take the car, if you don't care for the color, let Taylor know and we'll get you a new one. I thought red would suit you. Here's the flash drive and the encryption code to open the file. There are a few on there that can only be opened at GEH but for the most part, your work can start tonight. I look forward to your proposal being on my desk by Friday afternoon." I've moved in front of my desk, casually leaning against it with one leg crossed in front of the other at my ankles. My arms are folded and my face is stern. From this vantage point I can see the swell of her breasts and I move towards the door to stem the automatic blood flow to my groin.

She stands, moves in front of me and crosses her arms.

"I'll have the proposal on your desk by Friday morning. Thank you for your time and for lunch, I again, had a good time." Her smile is genuine but there is an undercurrent of annoyance in her voice. It's either the car or the fact that I'm rushing her out of here but my dick can't take one more second of her in here and as much as I've tried to control the fucker, I just can't when she's around.

She sticks out her hand and I shake it before pulling her to me and kissing her cheek. "I'll walk you out."

Andrea picks up the phone as we make our way to the lift and by the time Ana is on her way down, I see the staff elevator ping open and out walks Ros. My glare goes right to Andrea and she doesn't look up.

"A minute, Mr. Grey." Ros is already walking in my office and I lean down to growl at Andrea.

"You work for me, not Ros, not anyone else. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir. I didn't realize it would be a problem, I apologize." She seems a bit surprised by my outburst so I relax a bit.

Ros is standing in the office and I shut the door behind me, I already know what she's going to say and I frankly don't want to hear it.

"Christian, I agree that we need someone to take on this project in the capacity that Ms. Steeles company can offer. Have you fully vetted her? Her company? Her connections? We're talking almost two billion in cash here. Thousands of man hours, hundreds of millions of dollars being traded. Is it a good idea to bring in someone who's barely out of high school?"

I'm pissed. Not because she's wrong but because she's doubting Ana.

"I've taken care of the preliminaries and I'm satisfied with her portfolio. She's good at her job, she knows her shit and we're hiring her so get on board." My voice is calm but my nerves are not. I depend on Ros to challenge me sometimes but not with Ana. Never with Ana.

"OK, here it is. I couldn't help but notice the way you looked at her and the way you interacted, it's evident that you have some sort of outside relationship and I want to make sure she's not been planted by a competitor or is a competitor."

"As in, an industrial spy? Take my word for it then. She's clean and trustworthy. Are we done?" _Get out of my office._ I'm a second away from yelling in her face and counting backwards from 10 isn't helping. I'm just about to snap when she speaks up again and climbs out of the hole she dug for herself.

"I'll give you this, you know that 'it' factor that people talk about? Well, Ms. Steeles got 'it' in spades. And she doesn't even know it and that makes 'it' that much harder to ignore. She seemed capable and trustworthy, if it weren't for the smoke between you two blocking my view I'd have hired her on the spot but you have to understand my need to speak to you."

Ros is the only person in the business world that I would ever allow to speak to me like that. Anyone else would be in the unemployment line. Fact.

As she turns to go she throws one last line at me, "She sure is pretty, Christian. If I didn't have Gwen at home I'd be shooting for her as well. As luck would have it, I do have Gwen at home!"

I could fucking choke her right now but I'm distracted, again, by the constant buzzing of my phone so I let her go and get back to work.

"Andrea, have maintenance clear out the corner storage room and make that Ms. Steeles office. She'll also need a pass with wireless admittance and I want her to have access and use of the private elevator. If at any point she calls or comes to see me, I want her admitted without hesitation and I want to be interrupted. Immediate access, understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Make sure Olivia knows as well."

With Ana in a new and safe car, the office she'll work out of a mere 400 feet away and the reassurance that I'll get to see her a guaranteed three times a week, I kick back and put my feet on the desk. I look up her whereabouts on my phone and see that her cell is at her office. The meeting and lunch couldn't have gone better and I find that I'm actually excited to get this started. I've been going through the motions lately at the office, bored and unchallenged but now, I'm looking forward to being here and watching her work.

* * *

**APOV**

The minute I get in my new car I fall in love. It's got that new car smell and I didn't worry for a second that it wouldn't start. I'd like to drive it for a while and enjoy it but I'm anxious to get this proposal in GEH's hands sooner rather than later. This is a huge project and not only will it put a substantial amount of cash in my pocket, put Steele Translations on the map and teach me a lot about business, but it will also enable me to watch Christian work.

I brief Missy as quickly as I can and then download the flash drive I was given, taking out my notes pertaining to the documents that were left at the office. By 7:30 I've completed a rough draft of the outline and I'll admit that I'm a bit daunted.

My estimate of $275k for the consulting fee is much larger than anything I've billed before but I've never had a client, or a contract like this. I'll be required to work on site at GEH at least three days a week and I'll need to be available pretty much all of the time for the duration of the negotiations _and_ I'm required to accompany the team overseas at a still yet to be determined destination to close the deal. No problem there, I love to travel and the idea of going anywhere with Christian makes me giddy.

When my phone pings I ignore it for close to an hour and by the time I check it I've got three texts from Christian, each one a bit more concerned.

**Hi, Ana. You did great today, any questions?**

**Everything ok?**

**Ana, I'm getting concerned, please answer.**

I call him instead of texting back, it seems easier this way.

"Ana. Is everything alright?" he sounds a bit breathless but I'm borderline annoyed. Three texts in less than an hour? Is this how it's going to be if I work for him?

"I'm fine, I was just working on the proposal outline. I've got most of it completed but I want to look at some of the number sheets before I commit to a final version."

"Did you have any questions?" he's back to CEO Christian and honestly, I can deal with this a lot easier than dealing with badgering Christian.

"Not as of yet. I expect to be able to have this to you by tomorrow afternoon once my attorney looks it over. At the latest you'll have it Friday morning."

"I look forward to it, please be careful going home."

"I will, have a good night!" I'm aiming for cheery but I just want to get off the phone and finish this up. I've got a Pilates class in 15 minutes and I don't want to miss it.

By Thursday night I'm satisfied with what I've worked out and what I've constructed. I email it to Ros and Christian and head to bed mentally exhausted by the juggling act I did today translating for a client from Portugal and then switching back to Mandarin. I'm a bit put out that I haven't heard from Christian today but we're not dating so I shake off the feeling of melancholy and fall asleep.

Friday I wake to the ringing of my cell phone and notice that it's precisely 9am which means only one thing. He's gotten my email and has made a decision. I sit up and take a deep breath, coughing to clear my throat before I answer.

"Good morning, Christian."

"Ms. Steele, how are you?" Oh, ok, we're in business mode apparently.

"I'm well, thank you, and yourself?"_ Get to the point!_

"I'm good, I received your proposal and I'm happy to agree on each point except for the ninth. If you strike that, we can begin working together on Monday." He's snide and I'm defeated. Shit. I was hoping he'd gloss over that one but being Christian Grey, I should have known better.

"You've given me no choice I guess. I concede, I will not return the car once the project is over but will, with a thankful heart keep it." Ugh. That hurt a little but I know he's not going to back down on this.

"Wonderful! Then you'll be here Monday morning if that suits you. I'd like to take you out to celebrate tonight, if you don't have plans of course." Shit, I'd love to spend tonight with him but I can't.

"I'd love to but I'm leaving for Montesano in less than an hour to spend the weekend with my dad. Maybe another night?" I'm hopeful, I do not want to shortchange myself when it comes to time with him but I can't cancel on my dad now.

"Very well, Monday night we'll go for dinner. What are your plans while at your dads?"

"The usual, grocery shop for him, clean the house up for him, badger him about doctor appointments and cook for him. We'll go fishing at some point and probably for a hike. The plan was to look for a car but since you've so neatly disposed of that problem, I'm up for anything."

"No plans to visit old friends while you're there?"

I scoff, visit friends from high school? _No thanks._ When I graduated, I left for good and while I do spend the occasional night with an old friend, I'm not one for holding onto the past. "No, if I do see anyone it'll be my friend Tara but even that I doubt."

His tone seems lighter all of the sudden and he tells me to have a good time and drive carefully. After we hang up I jump and scream and call Missy to tell her the good news. She works for me but she's also become something of a friend since it's impossible not to form a relationship with someone sitting in a closet all day with you. We agree to meet for a quick coffee to formulate a game plan for the office since I'll be at GEH for three days a week beginning on Monday. As it is now, Missy is working on our only other current business and that can all be done without my help, especially since I don't speak or read Farsi.

With an excitement I haven't felt in my life ever, I head off to my dad's house for the weekend in my brand spanking new Audi.


	5. Chapter 5

**CPOV**

What in the fuck has she had done to her face now? I'm sitting across from Elena for lunch and the sneer she's throwing my way was thoroughly pissing me off until I just now realized she's had another surgery and she's still 'recovering', not sneering. So much for growing old gracefully.

"Darling, it's such an inconvenience having to gather all of the documentations, bank statements, payroll journals etcetera. Is it really necessary? You know the salons are doing well, why the hassle?"

"Elena it's standard procedure for every one of my investments every few years. I cut you a break the last time but I can't put it off any longer. Just hire someone to gather the shit for you. Do you not have a competent company doing the books anyway?" She's hiding something, I know it, she knows it and she knows I know it.

"I do, I do! It's just that I have to pay them so much more to deal with this 'audit' of yours when it's totally unnecessary. Aren't you happy with the returns you're getting?" I pinch the bridge of my nose, she finds a way to grate on every single one of my nerves. Why did I agree to meet with her? I like to inflict pain on others, not on myself.

"Not the point, Elena. I get good returns because I know how to run a company. If I can get more, I'm going to get more. For tax and audit purposes I have to have clean businesses and yours is up for internal audit. I'm not putting it off again for you. Have the books to Tony Lain by next Friday or I'm pulling my backing, we've done this dance too many times."

Her face is truly gross now, I've never seen Elena cry but I think that's what she's trying to conjure up. _Not going to work, not today, not tomorrow and not next Friday when I call Washington Mutual and pull my backing._ What was I thinking ever getting into business with her anyway? I'd long since returned her $100k plus interest and a nice 'thank you' bonus.

"Oh for fucks sake, Christian! After all we've been through together you're going to pull the CEO bullshit! It pisses me off and frankly, it hurts my feelings. I can't believe you'd threaten me like that!" Feelings? Elena? Right.

"I know what's going on, I know why you're so tense and rigid. It's been over four months since you terminated whatever her names contract. Another one falls for the great and mighty Christian Trevelyn-Grey. Did this one cry when you ended it? God, she called me for weeks to intervene!" She sits back, that impossibly grotesque sneer getting grosser and crosses her arms. "You need a good hard fuck and I know just the girl to give it to you."

I can't help but roll my eyes. "Elena, I am not going to fuck you again. Ever. So just stop." I hide the involuntary gag that accompanies the visual of her naked.

Her laugh is cold and rings in my head like an annoying clanging bell, "Not me! Though if you ever did need someone who can take the worst of it, I'd offer to step in." her words hang there, there is no way I'd fuck her again, thanks, but no thanks. After an awkward silence, on her part, not mine; I don't give a fuck if her 'feelings' are hurt, she continues.

"I have a girl lined up. Frankly I'm surprised you've waited this long so I started looking a few weeks ago. She's beautiful, 34 years old, preschool teacher, big blue eyes and long brown hair. Body to die for, real tits and all." I put my hand up to stop her, I'm so not interested in having this conversation.

"I'm not looking for a sub right now."

"What? How can you not be? It's been four months!" I know she's trying all she can to distract me but I'm having none of it. I want to see the finances on her company and no amount of sexual innuendo is going to deter me.

"I'm not interested, send her to someone else."

"Christian, just meet with her, she's perfect. I'm telling you, no hard limits other than fisting and she has never safe worded, not once in the span of three doms. She's from the South too, accent and all."

Normally, this would be a quick sell to me but for some reason, I'm just irritated and, surprisingly, embarrassed. _Well that's new._ And I know why. No matter how many times I've promised myself to not pursue Anastasia, I know I will anyway and I don't want any more complications than I already have. If I'm totally honest with myself, I'm not even interested in anyone else but her, she has totally captivated my mind and my imagination and after meeting her, everyone else seems drab and morose. Jerking off to her is better than fucking someone else._ Alright, now you've gone over the deep end._ _I have got to get her out of my system!_

"Elena, no. Get Tony the files by Friday." I get up and leave, one more minute with her and I'm going to need an attorney.

When Ana's proposal comes over late Thursday night I'm excited, actually fucking excited, to read it. Simply because it came from her. She's got a good business head, I can see it just in the formulation of her clauses and the coverage she gives herself and staff. I can't help but laugh at her ninth point about returning the car. You will not win on this one, Steele. I agree to the rest of it. Her fee is in line with company averages but she could have quoted me a million dollars and I'd have signed it.

Glancing at the clock I see it's too late to call her and with an odd sense of regret I realize we haven't contacted each other all day. _Emotional regret, just one more emotion to add to the whirlwind of chaos in my mind._ Sleep does not come easily, I'm so wound up over this whole thing with Elena and my constant confusion on what I want to do about Ana that I don't do much more than toss and turn. At three in the morning I find myself standing in my bathroom with the vile of pills Flynn gave me. _There has got to be a better way._ I throw them back in the drawer and return to my $40k bed covered with a $32k mattress, $3k sheets and the unbearable horrors of my dreams.

* * *

Just like on Monday, I clock watch and the second 9am rolls around, I'm calling Ana to congratulate her on the contract.

"Good morning, Christian." Fuck her voice is so sexy and fuck me the way she says my name.

I'm all business though, I want her so badly that I feel like I need to cover myself, my lack of control when it comes to all things Anastasia has to stop. I waste no time offering her the project and we get down to brass tax on the car clause. I win. Of course. When she reminds me that she's visiting her father this weekend I'm sad, actually _sad_ that I won't see her. I wonder how many guys she went to school with got a piece of her and suddenly I'm beside myself with anxiety.

"What are your plans with your dad?" If she's meeting up with an old boyfriend, I will force her to come in and work and not think twice about it. Reassuringly she's not seeing anyone so I let her go, knowing full well that I'll be tracking her phone and car the entire weekend anyway.

The weekend. Alone. It's never before seemed like a bad thing but now that I've spent a weekend like a normal person with an amazing woman, the span of two days bereft of her presence is long and daunting. I have never been more anxious for a Monday morning, she'll be here to work and then we'll go for dinner. I feel a little better knowing I have something to look forward to with her.

"Andrea!" She comes in with her tablet to run down today's schedule. "Call Tony Lain and tell him I want to know the second he gets Esclavas financials. I also want him to pause whatever else he's doing and focus on them exclusively. Notify reception that the minute Ms. Steele arrives on any given day, that I want to be notified immediately. I also want to reiterate to you that she is to be granted immediate access to me no matter what I'm involved in."

"Sir, yes on all points. Also, your sister wanted to know if you were free for lunch today and your brother called earlier this morning and left a voice message."

"No to Mia. I'll text her myself."

"And your brother?" Do I feel like being goaded today? No.

"Tell him I'll call him over the weekend." Which, of course, I won't actually do because, well, I'm an asshole like that.

* * *

Monday morning I run with Taylor and then meet with Bastille. He can't meet over the weekends so I'm sure Taylor is happy to drop me for my 8am spar. I've been restless and pissed for the majority of the last two days so besides being my normal schmucky self, I also had him work out with me four times.

It was absolutely_ pathetic_ how many times I checked my phone for texts, calls or emails from Ana but….nothing. All fucking weekend. Her phone left the house twice but once I could see the coordinates were to a grocery store, the other looked like a state park so I'm going to assume she was with her dad outside. I was pleased when the two times she did leave the house, she took her new car. Despite her hesitation in receiving it, she must like it anyway. _Better not let her find out about the tracking device in it!_

I know she stayed at the house most of the time but what I don't know, what's eating me up, is that I don't know if anyone went to _her_. My mind is running at 100mph and I knock Claude down, the image of Ana being touched by someone wreaking havoc on my brain. An hour later I'm showered, shaved and sitting at my desk when I receive notice that one Ms. Anastasia Steele has entered the premise. _Thank fuck!_ I look at the clock, 8:50. _Good girl_. I'm waiting at the elevator bank, much to Andrea and Olivia's surprise, and damn if she doesn't disappoint. _Oh my God I've missed her, fuck me look at those legs!_

I can't stop myself and I reach out and touch her arm, pulling her in for a kiss on the cheek. I breathe her in and the anxiety, the confusion, the restlessness of the last 72 hours disappears.

"Hello Mr. Grey, how was your weekend?" She's smiling and I know I'm smiling back because I can feel my mouth but no words will form._ I am so happy she's here._

After a few seconds I remember who I am and pull myself together.

"Long and boring. No potatoes, no brunch, no babysitting. How was yours?" I find I'm eager to hear all about it, to learn anything about her days.

"Short and not boring. I did, in fact make my dad your favorite, we did have brunch and I consider taking care of a grown man babysitting so there ya go!" She's giggling and I'm mesmerized by the sound and sight of it. Olivia is openly gaping at us and I swear to Christ if I didn't know it would upset Ana I'd fire her ass on the spot.

"Well it's back to reality now I'm afraid, let me show you to your office." I turn and toss Olivia a glare that weakens her knees and slams her ass in the chair. _Good._

I'm looking forward to showing Ana her new office, the crew did a good job making it comfortable and airy and I'm pleased with the results. There are floor to ceiling windows and the walls and floor are in standard GEH white. For now the glass desk and black leather couch are hers but she can update to whatever she wants.

"Oh my goodness! Is this for real?" Her hand flies to her mouth and she drops her briefcase on the chair in front of the desk, rushing to the window to see the streets below. She turns, her eyes wide and excited and slowly lowers her hand. "This is really my office? I was expecting a cubicle."

I'm thrilled with her reaction, seeing her excited and happy is one of the best sights in the world. _You made her happy, Grey, you did this_. "A cubicle? Did you really think I'd put you in a cubicle? I don't think we even use them here. This office is yours for however long you need it, I'm so glad you like it. If there's something you want to switch out, just let Andrea know and she'll take care of it."

"It's wonderful, I'm sure everything is fine. I'm so grateful for this opportunity and this, this is icing on the cake." She does a complete turn, her arms outstretched and I feel my legs involuntarily move towards her but stop before she notices.

She comes towards me and reaches up and I automatically lean down so she can kiss me chastely on the cheek. "Thank you, Christian." Her voice is soft and sweet and I feel it in my chest more than hear it in my ears.

"You are very welcome, Anastasia." She smiles again and I take a steadying breath.

"The files are in the cabinet over there, Barney will be by in a few minutes to go over your computer passwords and the safe combo for the more sensitive items. I'll be in all day so feel free to come by whenever you need to. If you're still up for it, we'll head out at five for dinner." I'm beaming, literally fucking beaming. I want to hit myself.

"Sounds great, I want to dive right in."

The rest of the day drags on, I've left my door open on the off chance she'll walk by but the only time I saw her was at lunch time when she popped in to see if I wanted anything.

"I've got a lunch meeting on site in an hour but thank you." _Yes, I want you, on my desk, pantyless and spread eagle._ The image makes my balls tingle and I mentally file it away for later tonight.

Finally, at five o'clock on the dot I walk out of my office and meet her in the hallway on the way to the elevator. She smiles and my heart thuds harder but when we get into the lift, I feel like someone has stuck my finger in a socket. I'm attracted to her, of that there is no doubt but this borderline terrifying draw to her in this space makes me feel desperate. Almost like the control I have over my actions evaporates when those doors slide closed and the true desire between us is laid bare. I notice again that she's looking straight ahead and seems to be on edge. _She must feel it too. We would be so good together._

I open the car door for her, I've had Taylor follow us in the Audi so that I can have Ana all to myself, and she folds herself in. I shut the door and climb in and when the engine roars to life she giggles. We drive in silence but I glance over at her every minute. It's a novelty, having someone in my car while I drive and I very much like looking over to see her.

"Where are we going?"

"The Mile High Club. Do you know it?" I'm curious.

"Do I know it? I've lived here for four months, of course I know it, everyone does. Never thought I'd be going there to eat though! Have you been there before?" _So cute, so so cute._

"I own it." I shift to first gear and pull into a parking spot marked 'reserved'.

"What do you mean, you own it? How can you run a restaurant, you've got GEH." She's confused and that little V is between her brows again but it's the bottom lip she's got stuck between her teeth that's momentarily muted me.

"I own it, I don't run it. I hire competent staff to run my businesses. The chef here is excellent though, that I did orchestrate. I hope you like oysters."

"I've never had them." I open the door and she shifts her legs to the pavement before taking my hand to help her stand.

"Never?"

"They seem kind of gross to me. They're slimy!"

"They're delicious! Will you try one tonight? For me?" I give her my best pout but since I've never really used the expression before I have no idea if it has any effect.

"For you, Christian, I'll try anything." My breath catches in my throat and all comprehensive thinking stops. _Oh baby, if that's the case, I've got a room about 10 minutes away I'd like to show you._

The minute I walk in there is a quiet flurry of activity. We're led immediately to the best table in the place with the best view of Seattle. The 78 floor elevator ride took a lot out of me, that's a long time to fight the gravitational pull between us but I managed to maintain my dignity. As soon as we're seated the sommelier presents us with a vintage Chardonnay and I approve. Ana hasn't taken her eyes off of me once.

Oysters on the half shell adorn the table within minutes and she wrinkles her nose at them. "Just try one, here, I'll prepare it for you." I squeeze a bit of lemon and lift it to her lips. She hesitantly opens her mouth before I tip it back and tell her to swallow and not chew. _Instant throbbing hard on_. I'm delighted when she gives a shy smile and states that she likes them.

"Do you like cod? I've gone ahead and ordered it for us, I hate waiting." I feed her another oyster, my balls screaming at me in protest each time her red lips open and swallow. _Damn._

"I do. What would you have done if I didn't?" Her eyes are half closed, questioning my motives and I can understand why. I'm feeding her in my restaurant and I've ordered for her. Is my dominant personality coming out too strong? I've got to reel her in before I start ordering her around. _Like she'd ever go for that._

Shrugging I tip an oyster in my mouth and swallow, her eyes still watching me but now they watch my mouth instead of my eyes. _Oh yes, baby, I can do amazing things with this mouth. _She licks her lips as I tip another one back and I use all of my self control to sit still and not take her on this table. Her hair would look so good spread out on the gold tablecloth. _Did she ask me something?_

"I'd have cancelled yours and ordered something else. Do you want something different?"

"No, cod is fine, I've just never had someone order for me." _Well get used to it because I plan on knowing what you want before you do._

Dinner is a new experience for me. Ana and I have shared a few meals together but we've never been out for something so intimate before and I can't help but feel like I'm on a date. _Is this a date?_ No, I asked her to go out to celebrate a business deal.

"What's this?" she asks surprised when the sommelier returns with a bottle of Bollinger Champagne.

"A celebration of your accepted contract. I know we're going to work well together and I'm looking forward to your help and involvement in this project." I hold up my glass and she does the same before we chink them and sip.

"Thank you, Christian. It's a wonderful opportunity for my company and I'm looking forward to learning by watching you run your business. What you've done is remarkable and I'm not easily impressed."

I want her in this moment, right now, as she holds her glass and smiles that warm engaging smile. I don't even want to fuck her right now, I just want to be able to reach out and grab her hand and kiss her lips. I want to _be_ with her and be allowed to touch her. I take a deep breath, seeing her like this, innocent and so sweet makes me feel even shittier about myself. _She is way too good for you, Grey. You'll ruin her._

So I shut down. Not enough where she feels the chill but enough where I can protect myself. I've never needed to do that with a woman, even Elena didn't get to me like this. Time to wrap up the evening, I'm beginning to freak out.

When I pull up to her apartment and walk her to the door there's an awkward moment where we don't really know how to end the night. She's the first to move so I follow her lead and keep it light.

"Thank you again for dinner, it was excellent. Your club is worthy of all the hype!" She smiles and I lean down to kiss her cheek goodnight. When she turns to unlock the door I quickly inhale the scent of her hair as quietly as I can. She's turned me into an addict but I don't know if she's the cure or the problem.

* * *

**APOV**

Leaving dad is always tough, especially knowing I'm leaving him alone in a house that still holds painful memories for him. When my mom left him, it all but destroyed him. He had no legal rights to me since my biological father had died right after I was born but Ray had come around early enough so that I never felt the loss of my actual father. My mom leaving brought him to his knees, not so much because of her affair and subsequent marriage to Stephen Morton but because when she left, I left too.

I've avoided talking about my mothers third husband most of my life and I intend on keeping that way. Ray is the only one, outside of my mother, who know why I was sent back. In spite of the circumstances of my return, Ray was thrilled to have me live with him and over the years, my relationship with my mom has suffered while the one I share with Ray has grown. _Not protecting ones child will do that. _Subconsciously I run my fingers over the scar on my scalp and shiver.

On the drive home I reflect on the last few years and the sacrifices Ray has made for me when my own mother wouldn't. It was he who paid for three years of therapy, he was the one to take me back to school shopping and teach me to drive. Ray was the one who threw me my high school graduation party and he was the only one at my college graduation. He's a good man and the guilt that follows me for each mile eats at me. _He hasn't even touched your room, it's the exact same way you left it five years ago._ The knowledge hurts me and comforts me.

* * *

I've got my outfit laid out for the morning, a fitted grey pencil skirt and a ruffled front white button down blouse with a chunky necklace and flesh tone high heels. Kate will do my hair, she's all to familiar with my short comings in that department.

I'm up early and do a few minutes of yoga to calm my nerves but I just want to get there and get started._ And see Christian._

I arrive early, the butterflies in my stomach forcing me to skip the coffee which in turn has contributed to the dull ache between my eyes. I'm greeted at the front door by Taylor which surprises me but he quickly escorts me to the private elevator and sends me up. Christian is standing there when the doors open and my God is he a nice first sight in his navy blue pinstripe suit and silver grey tie. He's grinning and leans in to kiss me hello which sends a shiver down my spine and _my god does he smell good._

I follow him to my office, it's just down the hall and around the corner from his own and to say I like it would be a major understatement. I am beyond pleased. Ecstatic, elated, excited. It's gorgeous. Not just gorgeous, it's sophisticated and grown up and did I mention gorgeous? I feel like a little kid and try as I might I cannot get this stupid grin off of my face.

I know he's done this for me and I thank him. I want so badly to wrap my arms around him and press my lips to his but I settle for a chaste kiss on the cheek. It surprises him and when his eyes open wide I notice that the silver in his tie is the exact color of his eyes.

The work is intense, messing up a translation for something like this is an enormous problem involving three major companies and two foreign governments so I'm careful and thorough. Before I know it, it's five o'clock and I'm locking everything up including the state of the art computer I now get to use. It took Barney almost an hour just to show me how everything worked and the security features alone make my mind swim. Is corporate espionage really such a problem? He assures me that it is.

We meet up in the hallway and he asks about my day. I saw him briefly at lunch and it was weird to be in the same building and not be with him. The elevator ride is pure torture again and I make a note to myself to avoid it as much as I can from now on. If I could act on it, it'd be fine, but I can't, so it's not. When we get to the garage he opens the door of a brand new Audi R8, ironically parked where Wanda was last week. _What ever happened to her?_

"This is your car? I'm surprised."

He's opening the door for me so I get in as ladylike as I can. He leans into the door frame and asks me why. The way his suit is pulled across his abs as he leans in is sexy as hell.

"You're so cautious and controlled. I would think a car known for its speed wouldn't be up your alley."

He grins and gets in and hot damn that engine sounds nice. If he hadn't told me that he owned the Mile High Club I'd have figured it out the minute we walked in. These people are literally falling over themselves to serve and please him. Every female in here is vying for his attention and ignoring me but I can see that he hasn't even noticed them. _Take that bitches._

Instead he's attentive to me, feeding me and bantering with me. I can't help but notice the way his arms flex under his light gray shirt when he uses his fork or lifts his glass and I find myself imagining him naked. I want him to want me but I have no idea how to seduce a man. The idea alone makes me so nervous I start to giggle and I'm pretty sure that's not part of being a seductress.

He's jovial tonight, laughing freely and teasing me about the oysters he was intent that I try. They're actually not bad but I'd rather watch him eat them, the way his Adam's apple moves up and down when he swallows is all male and I can't take my eyes off of it. I want him. I shouldn't, he's now technically my boss but I do, badly.

So we sit and eat and drink and toast our joint venture until it's time to go. I walk close to him on the way out, not quite ready to give up the illusion that we're here on a date. I don't know who I was trying to fool more, the women watching us or myself. When we say goodnight I feel melancholy and go right to sleep.

* * *

On Wednesday I arrive early again and am disappointed that he's not there to greet me. I'm not sure exactly where the work/friend boundary is so I go straight to my office and get right to work.

**Hi, I'm in a breakfast meeting. We'll go for lunch to touch base, I'll loop you in on yesterdays call.**

**-No worries. Just give me a time and I'll be ready.-**

**1pm work for you?**

**-perfect, see you then-**

I can't wipe the grin off my face knowing I'll see him for lunch. _Shit,_ I don't want to do the elevator again so I quickly come up with a plan to head out a few minutes early and text him to tell him I'll meet him in the lobby.

"Hey, Anastasia, how's it coming along?" I'm startled by the raspy voice coming from my doorway but once my eyes adjust from staring at tiny Mandarin symbols I see it's Ros and smile warmly.

"Good so far. There's a few mistakes I've found in the original translation work but so far nothing that compromises the deal or is a problem. How's your end going?"

She snorts and sits in the chair directly across from my desk, her arms draped over the sides.

"I'm a woman in a man's world. The Chinese don't want to deal with me even though I'm heading this entire thing. It's hard not to let it get to you after a while." She runs her hand over her face and I feel for her. Every woman in the world knows what it's like to be short changed because of your sex.

"I'm sorry, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating and hurtful."

She looks at me like she's just now noticing that I'm there and smiles. "Frustrating, that would be the perfect word for these assholes." She stands to go but puts a hand on the desk and pauses, "That's why working for Mr. Grey is so great. He doesn't give squirrels ass if you're a female, he just demands results. He's never once made me feel like I wasn't able to do something because I'm a woman. You've got to admire a man like that." She grins and winks and walks out.

_What was that all about?_

A few minutes later I leave for the lobby under the premise that I want to make sure my security pass works, both mornings Taylor has been in the lobby to retrieve me so I haven't had the chance to use it yet. I feel him before I see him, an electric current that connects me to him and I turn in time to catch his sure stride over to me. The lobby has stilled, every one of his employees is in awe of him in one way or another and I'm again on cloud nine that it's me who he's here for.

"Hungry?" he asks, a glint in those clear grey eyes.

"Famished. I didn't eat breakfast."

He instantly looks pissed and cocks his head to the side. "Anastasia, you need to eat three meals a day. You've got to take care of yourself." Is he serious? I roll my eyes and am startled when I see pissed turn into actual anger.

"Don't roll your eyes at me and don't bite that lip." His finger curls under my chin and his thumb gently pulls my lip out of my teeth. _Why not?_

"Yes, Sir!" I salute him and we turn to go, Christian a half step behind since he was shocked that I'd teased him just then. We go to what I now deem as "our bistro" and order salmon over cannelloni beans with a crisp white wine. I love that he asks me if the vintage he's chosen is ok. I buy my wine by the case and as long as it's not totally gross, I'll drink it.

Once we've begun to eat he loosens up a bit and playful Christian is back. He's filled me in on the call yesterday, apparently the Chinese weren't too happy with the fact that the new 'team member' is another woman. The casual way he tosses that tidbit out and his subsequent shrug of annoyance softens the blow but I can relate to Ros that much more now.

"Ana, if you're free Saturday night GEH is hosting a cocktail reception for the Seattle Seahawks. They've agreed to match our donation to WSU's agriculture program and this is the press launch. I'd love for you to attend if you're available."

"That sounds lovely, I'm looking forward to it!" Dressing up with Christian? Will he wear a tux? God help me if he does. "Is it black tie?"

"Yes and there will be photographers from a lot of agencies there. I've given you fair warning, if we arrive together you're going to be bombarded with questions and written about in the rags."

"Do you want me to come separately? I can manage that." I'm crestfallen. He doesn't want to be seen with me and the pain in my chest is sharp.

"No! I'm happy to have you come with me, I just didn't want you blind sided by the paparazzi fuckers." He seems genuine about my arriving with him so I accept and we formulate our pick up plan. I'm silently contemplating how best to wear my hair and what dress I'm going to wear. I've got to make an appointment immediately for a wax and trim.

"I've asked Elliot if he'd like to go since he's a fan and I believe he's asking Kate. Actually, my entire family will be there including my sister Mia." He pauses and looks up from his salmon, "Come to think about it, forget the paparazzi, Mia's the one who'll exhaust you."

We leave lunch and stroll back to GEH after I stop for a Starbucks. He's in no rush to get back but I don't want to take advantage of the fact that I'm friends with the boss so we step into the god forsaken elevator only two minutes past my self imposed hour break.

"Thank you for lunch, I'll get the first bundle of correctly translated documents to you by close of business today." Andrea isn't at her desk but Olivia is standing there, gaping at us again. _What is her problem?_ He smiles at me as I turn to go to my office and I hear him address his assistant, the harshness of his tone stopping me mid-stride.

"Is something the matter, Olivia?" Christian growls at her and she closes her mouth and looks at him.

"No, sorry, Sir. Mrs. Lincoln is waiting for you in your office, she didn't have an appointment but your 2:30 pushed back to 2:45."

He's agitated and runs his hands through his hair so it's my cue to go. I give him a slight wave and walk away retreating to my little sanctuary in the sky. I send Ros a quick email;

**To: Ros  
****From: Anastasia Steele  
Wednesday, May 25, 2011**

**Christian told me the Chinese didn't want me involved because I'm a woman. You're right, assholes.**

**Anastasia Steele**  
**Steele Translations**

Her response is quick and witty and I can't help but want to be her friend. I'd like to meet her wife too, anyone who can nail down someone as feisty as Ros must be something special.

I pop my head into Christians office when I leave at 6 but he's on a call so I just wave. He holds up his finger for me to wait and mutes his call. "I'll see you tomorrow, correct?"

"Yes. Have a good night!"

He smiles and waves me out.

* * *

The minute I walk in the door from Pilates I raid mine and Kates closet looking for something to wear on Saturday night. I want to look as good as I can so I settle on a short black dress with long sleeves encrusted with silver beading around the edges. It drapes over my curves and is backless but it's modest in the front and in its length. Well, it's actually pretty short but I'm only 5'3" so I can pull it off.

"Kate! I need help! I'm going to a GEH cocktail party on Saturday night and want to borrow this dress. Is that ok?"

"Only if you're going to lose your virginity in it. It's high time you got on the 'done that' train." She's cracking herself up.

"Okay then. You're in a good mood, what's up?"

"Elliot. I am so happy with him. We have the greatest time together no matter what we're doing and my god the sex, the unbelievable nonstop sex! Ana, he asked me to go hiking and I agreed!"

I'm the one laughing now. Kates favorite part of the great outdoors is coming inside. "Please, take pictures. No! No! Video! You've got to take video!"

"Can it Steele, if you can pretend you're not dating Christian, then I can pretend to be an outdoor girl." We're both laughing now but I've got to respond that.

"I am not dating him, Kate!"

"Alright, if you're not dating would you consider going out with one of Elliot's friends from college? There's a few he thinks would like you but one in particular that I've met and think is hot. He's a landscape architect so he's not an idiot either."

A date? With one of Elliot's friends? The idea would normally appeal to me, I feel like I'm ready to start dating but I don't want to go out with one of Elliot's friends. What if Christian found out? Would he care? _Why should you care is more the question!_

"I don't know, Kate, I'm just starting the company and now with this GEH contract I'm going to be super busy. I don't think it's the right time."

"Good grief, Ana. You're going to die a virgin, and for what reason? None! The guy is hot and smart, snatch that shit up, let him take you out for an expensive dinner and then give him your cherry. And wear these shoes with the dress. Did you make a hair appointment yet? Did Christian tell you that I'm going with Elliot as well?"

"I'm going to call Ricardi's in the morning for a full wax and I'll have someone schedule a manicure and pedicure and hair style for Saturday." I choose to ignore the rest of her little tirade. Kate's enough to handle on a normal day but when she's got her mind set on something, you may as well get earplugs.

"Ana Ana Ana. If you're going to bang on Saturday night, you can't wax that morning, you'll need to wax tomorrow or Friday morning at the latest."

"Katherine Kavanagh! I am not going to 'bang' anyone! Do people really still say that because they shouldn't. I wax because it makes me feel better and I will wax whenever I want to."

"Whatever, don't forget your birth control pills either. Gearing up for sex, Ana? A dress, a wax and the pill." I'm laughing again. Me being on the pill is a running joke between us since she's on nothing but having sex and I'm on the pill and haven't even seen a naked penis.

"They regulate my cycle! You should be the one taking it, I'm sure Elliot's not looking to be a father anytime soon!" It feels good to be hanging out with my best friend after coming home from a real job. I feel like a grown up.

* * *

Christian is waiting for me in my office when I arrive on Thursday with a stack of papers and a cup of coffee, just cream, the way I like it. I give him a sweet good morning and thank him for the coffee. He's sitting in one of the chairs across from my desk and instead of sitting behind the desk, I sit in the opposing chair.

"This looks good, Anastasia. It reads well too. Can you clarify for me the third point though? I can't make heads or tails of it."

I lean over and read it even though I know what he's referring to. Some things just don't translate well and because of the nature of this acquisition, exact translation is crucial. I've included the exact translation along with the 'Americanized' version of what it should read but on this particular point, none of it makes sense.

He's not satisfied and asks me to schedule a call with them for early Monday to go over it.

"You want me in on a call like this?" I've been on plenty of business calls as a translator but this call holds almost two billion dollars on it.

"Of course, we'll do it in my office with Ros. It'll be a skeleton staff since it's Labor Day so we'll do the call and you can head out if that's alright with you." He tosses over his shoulder when he leaves.

I'm almost to the elevator when I hear him yelling, loudly, in his office. My eyes open wide and I turn to look at Andrea who is not at all affected by the noise. She looks at me quizzically before she makes the connection.

"Did you need something Ms. Steele? I can always interrupt if you need Mr. Grey." She stands but I shoo her back down.

"No, I was just going for lunch. Does he always yell like that?" I whisper, not that he could hear me anyway. She just smiles at me and gives me a half shrug. She's good at keeping secrets I can see. The door flies open and an older woman in all black struts out, literally struts. I've never seen anything like it. She's got immaculate blond hair and cold hard blue eyes that make my skin crawl. Was he yelling at her? If he raised his voice like that to me I'd be crying and on the floor in a heap but she doesn't seem to care at all.

After a few steps she stops, notices me and stares before walking over slowly and giving me a Botoxed smile. I don't know what to do so I half smile back, my instincts telling me to stay away from this Kim Catrall knockoff. This...woman...is looking over my body like she's my doctor, I'm half expecting her to tell me to turn and bend until Andrea asks me a question and I have a reason to look away.

"Ana, did you need to see Mr. Grey?" Andrea has cocked her head to the side waiting for my answer but it's unnecessary as Christian himself comes rushing out of the office and takes my elbow angrily before leading me back into his office.

"What are you doing? I was just going to go get something to eat!"

He's shut the door to his office and has let go of my elbow but is now furiously running his hands through his hair. "I thought I heard Andrea say you needed me."

"No, she asked if I did but I already told her I didn't. Are you ok?" He's pacing and has taken off his suit jacket, throwing it on the chair behind his desk but the stops when I ask him if he's ok and turns to look at me. He's breathing fast, concern clouding his gaze.

"I'm fine, I thought you needed me but if you don't, I'll let you get on with your lunch. I'd go but I've got a call I need to make and I've got to make it now."

"Christian, I hardly expect you to spend lunch with me every day while I'm here. Can I get you something while I'm out?"

He's still and he looks lost right now, something is going on that I'm unaware of and I'm not going to pry but I can attempt to be his friend.

"You make your call, I'll grab you something to eat and when I get back, you can fill me in if you're up for it. If not, you can eat in peace." I reach out and pull his hand down, it's frozen in his hair and he watches my hand reach up and then pull his down.

"OK."

By the time I leave his office the blonde knockoff is gone but I still can't help feeling like I need a shower.


	6. Chapter 6

**CPOV**

I don't think I have ever waited in anyone's office, ever. In face, I don't recall waiting for anyone period. But here I am, staring out the window in Ana's office waiting for her to come in. Taylor alerts me when she's in the lobby so I go and sit down at one of the two chairs that face her desk._ Don't want to seem too eager, Grey. Yea, that's your biggest problem you asshole._

As usual she looks great. Her dress is just the right mix of sexy and demure but the red color pushes it into the fuck me zone. She gives me the absolute sweetest 'good morning' and gratefully takes the coffee I've brought her. She's wearing her hair down in lose waves and it looks fucking fantastic. _I bet it looks amazing down her back in a braid._

I'm doing well, I've found a reason to come and see her and we're on equal footing while we try to figure out one of the more challenging translations. When she leans over to me to see the document I'm momentarily suspended in time as her scent fills my head and the silky strands of her hair brushes against my face. Her tiny index finger traces along the paragraph and my dick stands at attention so that I'm forced to shift in my seat until I can regain control over my adolescent cock.

Andrea is at her station when I get back and follows me into the office to go over the days meetings, appointments and urgent matters.

"You've got your Thursday lunch with Mrs. Lincoln at noon."

"Fuck, cancel it. I'm not going to lunch with her ever again so cancel all future lunches." Elena still hasn't gotten me the fucking books and the files and I am pissed. Very pissed.

"Yes, sir. Shall I have her removed from the approved visitor list as well?" It's no secret that Andrea is not Elenas biggest fan and in a rare moment of generosity I decide that I'll give her that honor once I figure out what to do.

"Not yet, I'll let you know when, we still have business together so there are going to be times she'll need to come to Grey House." Not for long if my suspicions are correct and they always are. Part of the reason I'm so good at what I do, both in the office and the bedroom is because I listen to my instincts. When I started working for Elena the summer I was 15, my gut reaction was to avoid her. But when a sexually mature and manipulative woman comes on to you at the height of your sexual awakening, it is all but impossible to say no.

My instincts with her now are the same, I need to avoid her and cut our ties but it's become so complicated between us that I don't really know how to untangle myself from our 'arrangement'. Monetarily speaking she does little for me. The current $1.5 million I receive from her salon chain is petty cash for me and is the smallest return I get on any of my investments. Emotionally I find that I'm either repulsed, frustrated or annoyed by her. My only real reliance on her at this point is my dependency on her to acquire and cultivate my subs. She, however, cannot operate her business without me due to the fact that I guarantee her line of credit and her business loan. If I can remove myself from that dependency I'm free of her outside of our 'lifestyle'.

I'm just about to text Ana to see if she wants to get some lunch when my intercom buzzes.

"Sir, Mrs. Lincoln is here to see you." I look at the clock. Right on schedule, cancel at 10, here at 12:15. So predictable.

"Send her in." I put my suit jacket on and lean back in my chair. She's going to be expecting a greeting but right now, the only thing I want to greet is the junction of Anastasias thighs and this hag is taking up precious time I could be using to make that happen.

"Christian, how are you darling? Are you ill?" I roll my eyes, of course I'm not ill, I never get sick. Her fake concern grates on me and I launch right into attack mode before she can make her way to me.

"Did you not understand what 'Mr. Grey can't make lunch today' meant? Why are you here now?" I know she assumed I'd change my mind and call her by now but I want to hear her say it so that I can cut her down. "And why hasn't Tony received the information, Elena? Do you think I make idle threats?"

She's momentarily thrown off before the cold mask falls again and she sits, uninvited, on the couch in my sitting area. The last person to sit there was Ana and for some reason, having Elena there infuriates me.

"I'll get him the things he needs, I just need the time to gather it all together. You should be happy I've been so busy with the salons, they're making money hand over fist." She cackles and waves her hand in the air, insolent and dismissive.

"You've had plenty of time and times up. I told you if you didn't provide it all by tomorrow I was pulling my backing and I meant it. Test me, Elena, test me." What was I thinking going into business with her? Fuck knows it wasn't guilt and I certainly didn't want to just help so why did I do this to myself? Obligation? Blinding stupidity?

"Christian, I can't help but notice how tense you are and how this little _issue_ is so much bigger than it needs to be. You're losing control here and you and I both know what you need to get it back. My god, look at you, you're basically screaming for a sub! Let me help you!"

That's it, I've done what I could over the years to temper my, well, temper when it comes to Elena due to our history and the fact that she's my only friend but I can't do it anymore.

"Elena!" I shout so that she'll stop talking. Maybe I do need a new submissive, I'm definitely losing control but the idea of contracting a sub still doesn't feel right. "I am not talking about this with you anymore. Get. Me. The. Fucking. Books. Tomorrow. We're done here, don't contact me again unless it's to tell me, _tomorrow_, that you've gotten Tony the files. Now get out."

She stands and collects her bag, arrogantly throwing it over her shoulder before walking to the door. I'm still yelling, I don't even know about what anymore but it feels good to unleash on her.

"I'll get the books to Tony tomorrow and I'll line up the interview with Shayla for next week. You're going to have a stroke if you don't get some relief soon. Trust me, this one can take it." My yelling temporarily halts as her audacity shocks me and she uses the opportunity to open the door and walk out. _Thank fuck._ Every time I see her I can stand her that much less.

I hear Andrea ask Ana if she wanted to see me and the realization that Ana and Elena are in the same area, probably about to get on the elevator together brings instant panic to me and I rush out of my office. Ana absolutely cannot be tainted by Elena Lincoln.

I drag her into my office like a caveman without so much as glance at Elena and shut the door. Why is this so upsetting to me? I'm almost panting with anger, the fury I feel inside visible in the tight fists of my hands and the sheen of sweat on my brow. _Get a fucking grip!_

"What are you doing? I was just going to go get something to eat!" I look her up and down looking for damage, as if just her being next to Elena could hurt her.

"I thought I heard Andrea say you needed me." I did hear that but the truth is I'd have dragged her in here whether Andrea said something or not. There is no way in fuck I'm going to let Elena fucking Lincoln get a good look at Ana.

I've got to call my auditor to apply more pressure on her and I've got to call my attorney's to get the ball rolling on withdrawing my loan guarantee. As delectable as Ana looks right now and as much as I could use the mental break she always seems to afford me, I've got to deal with this immediately so I check my watch, plenty of time has elapsed for Elena to be gone but I glance out anyway.

I'm so fired up right now that I'm actually hot but Ana reaches up with her soft hand and gently pulls my hand away from my hair, instantly calming me. I'm startled by the gentle contact, no one touches me, ever. My subs are bound almost all of the time we're in the playroom and even then they touch my dick and that's it. I do the touching, I define the parameters. My family keeps their physical distance with the exception of Mia, she's the only one that my body doesn't register as a threat, but even her embraces are quick.

"You make your call, I'll grab you something to eat and when I get back, you can fill me in if you're up for it. If not, you can eat in peace."

I can't manage any more than a pathetic sounding, "OK" and then she's gone. What the fuck was that? Why am I so pissed? Yes, I'm pissed about what I'm pretty sure is Lincolns embezzlement but it's more than that, this was visceral and felt personal. _You're protecting what's yours and whether Ana knows it or not, she belongs to you._

Anastasia. Anastasia meeting, talking or touching Elena. Anastasia who represents all the good in the world and Elena who represents the bad. I feel protective _and_ fearful. Fearful? Of what? _Of Ana finding out who you really are you scum. Elena Lincoln is your dirty little secret._

I sit and make my calls and while I'm on with my lawyer Ana comes in and hands me a chicken parmesan sub and an iced tea. I smile at her and she turns to go._ I want her to touch me again. _The revelation terrifies me and I text Taylor to make me an appointment for me to see Flynn tonight.

**Hi, hope you've calmed down. You seemed to need some comfort food so hopefully this will help.**

I crack a smile when I see her text.

**-It was the perfect choice and delicious. What did you get?-**

**The same! Except I may or may not have also bought myself a Reeces Cup**

**-Why the Pilates?-**

**Jerk!**

**-Better do a double session! You've got a dress to fit in-**

**I'm rolling my eyes at you and your perfect metabolism**.

That witty mouth of hers is going to get her ass spanked one of these days and _I can't wait._

* * *

"Taylor, I'll go and collect Ms. Steele, you can wait in the car." I know this isn't a date but in my head, in my own twisted fantasy world, that's exactly what this is. I've been up since four, the redundant nightmares visiting me again. I was too on edge to go back to sleep though, I cannot wait to see Anastasia and have her to myself for the night. _Maybe she'll wear that black dress again._

"Sir."

I look good in a tux, I know this, but I've still pulled out all the stops. An expert shave and hair cut from Francesco and to his delight I even let him 'clean up' my eyebrows. I worked out three times today to try to alleviate some tension; mental, physical and sexual and it seemed to take the edge off until I got in the car and pulled up in front of her apartment building. One deep breath and four stories later I knock at her door and attempt to control my nerves. _You are pathetic._

Anastasia opens the door and all the inbred good manners I was raised with fly out the door along with the air in my lungs. She looks amazing and she literally leaves me speechless. I blink a few times and she smiles at me but I can tell she's checking me out as well. _Yes!_

"Ana, you look…..stunning. Truly stunning." She lowers her eyes in embarrassment and shyly thanks me. "Hey," I lift her chin up again so that she's looking right at me, "You are a dazzlingly beautiful woman and you need to know that."

With a small shake of her shoulders she says, "Thank you" again but this time, she looks me in the eyes. When she turns to retrieve her clutch I take the opportunity to really check out her dress. It's black and short with long sleeves and _fuck me sideways it's backless_. I groan, audibly, but thankfully she doesn't hear me. The dress is flattering to her figure but it's her shoes that kill me. Five inch black stilettos with an open toe showing off her black pedicured nails. _Well fuuuuck me. Ms. Steele has a wild side._

When we leave she takes my proffered arm and we travel down the elevator, that almost unbearable pull is heavy between us and she seems eager to get outside. With her looking like that, I'm grateful she only lives on the fourth floor. Taylor greets us with a slight nod and opens the door. I still haven't figured out if he was flirting with her the other day but I know he and Mrs. Jones are pretty serious and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to fuck with that.

"You look good, Christian. You definitely know how to wear a tux." She's being playful and I reciprocate keeping the atmosphere light but the minute we pull up to the Fairmont I can feel the shift come over her. There are about 20 photographers here and while this is annoying and part of my life, it's not something she's used to at all.

"You'll be fine, just stay next to me and don't say anything. It'll be over with before you know it."

"Isn't there a back entrance I can go in? They're not interested in me anyway so I can just skip this part." _Oh no you don't. I want to be seen with you and I want you to be seen with me._ I may be trying to do the right thing now but I'm still going to lay the groundwork for later. Tonight is the first move I make in which I let the world know that Anastasia Steele is mine.

She just offers me a small shrug while I help her out of the car, flash bulbs going off from every direction. She stands and gives me a tiny smile and I take her hand and put it in the bend of my elbow and lead her through the line, ignoring the shouts and screams asking who she is. A few times I feel her start to move off and I flex my arm, squeezing her hand to my side so that she can't get away.

"Oh my god, how do you deal with that? That was awful!" When we get inside I grab two champagne flutes from the bar and she downs hers in three gulps. I watch with mild fascination as she takes another flute and does the same thing before asking the bartender for another.

"She'll have a water."

"I want another drink, Christian. That was terrifying!"

"You'll have a water and if you still need a drink in 30 minutes, I'll get you one, but you'll drink this first." I hand her the glass and she scowls at me but drinks it anyway. When I see that she's doing as she's told I pick up where we left off.

"I don't go to many public functions but when I do they're always there. I do my best to ignore them, get through the line and get inside. Eventually they'll tire of me and leave me the fuck alone. It will take them a few days to find out your name but then it'll get printed and the publicity that will generate for Steele Translations will be well worth the few minutes you just spent out there. Come, I want to introduce you to some people."

I've spotted my family which was easy to do since they are all standing there, eyes wide and rendered speechless. Even Mia is quiet. _Is it really that big of a deal to them?_ They know of Ana from our unfortunate family dinner in which Elliot grilled me in front of everyone but outside of that, she's a total enigma to them.

"Mom, Dad, Mia, this is my friend Anastasia Steele. Ana, my mother, Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey, my father Carrick and my sister Mia." My mom recovers first and shakes Ana's hand, her eyes not blinking even once.

"It's so nice to meet you, Ana. Please call me Grace." _Nope mom, I'm not gay._ And I know that you're acting like this because even though I'm acting the fool of 'just friends', you know better.

"It's wonderful to meet you as well. Christian tells me you work in pediatrics?" And they're off. I listen for as long as good manners allow before beginning my rounds but I want Ana with me. There's too many fuckers here checking her out but my family can't stop interrogating her. My dad is the first to breakaway and stand next to me.

"She seems like a lovely girl, Christian. Beautiful too. Your mother and sister sure seem taken with her." He won't, or can't, make eye contact but the implication is clear enough.

"Yes, she is but we're just friends. I've hired her firm to do some work on a large acquisition I'm negotiating." He just tosses back the rest of his drink and pats me on the shoulder.

"She's still a lovely young lady." I smile to myself, _yes, she is._

"Would you excuse us, there are a few other people here that I need to say hello to." She's a bit surprised that I'm interrupting but I want her to myself and I also want to send a message to the bevy of men waiting for me to leave so they can swoop in.

"You want me to come with you? I'm fine with your family Christian, you don't need to worry about me." Oh, I'm worried alright but it's not about your social skills. It's the blatant eye fucking you're getting right now.

"I know but this is a great opportunity for you to meet some potential clients. Plus there's a Russian and a Brazilian on the team, maybe I can hear you speak with them." She laughs and it inflames and calms me and I'm not the only one. I can see at least four other guys watching her but there's no way to stake my claim on her without making her uncomfortable. Instead I opt to glare at anyone I catch looking at her and shield her with my body when that doesn't work.

We make our way through the crowd, just 45 minutes in and this is the longest I've stayed at an event and, unsurprisingly, I'm having a good time. It's the Ana effect. No matter who we're speaking with, she rises to the occasion and listens intently, commenting here and there and drawing people in. There is no one that escapes her charm and I hear over and over as we break away to speak with someone new, "Don't let that one get away, Grey."

When Kate and Elliot arrive she heads back to my family and I watch as they circle around her. It's a comforting sight, Ana and my family, and something about it makes my chest puff. That's where she belongs. I take a mental picture and turn to face a few of the WSU Agricultural board members intent on filling me in on their latest research. Their project is important to me and I'm impressed that they've taken the grant money and have applied it so effectively. Maybe I'll make a private donation as well.

When I'm filled in and feel like I've been generous of my time, I turn and to my absolute annoyance I see the Sea Hawks new quarterback Matt Ryan talking to her. He's clearly taken by her, who wouldn't be, and she's laughing at something he just said to her. Fucking laughing! _Control, Grey, control._ How long was I talking to those fuckers? I make my way to them, eyes laser focused on this new threat to me while I count to ten.

"Christian, this is Matt Ryan, he just signed on with the Sea Hawks. I'm trying to get us some good seats." She's totally captivating and I know why he risked coming over to talk to her after knowing she came with me tonight. I almost feel bad for the guy because I'd sooner buy the team and ship him to Japan before letting him get his hands on her. I get it, she's beautiful, smart and charming. Now back up and disappear.

"Mr. Grey, pleasure to meet you. Ana tells me that her firm is doing some work for your company." _Asshole._

_She said us._ I can't help but lean in and touch her bare back with my finger tips. She shivers in response and I flatten my hand to feel her skin and the warmth under it. "You want to go to a game? I'll get us seats anywhere you want to sit." I look right at Mr. Ryan, message sent and received, but he dumbly waits for me to leave. Not a chance in hell. "Ana, I'd like to head out soon, are you about ready to leave?"

"Whenever you're ready is fine with me, just give me enough time to say goodbye to your family and to Kate." Hear that dickwad? She's leaving with me so why are you still standing there? Does that sound like just business to you?

"And me!" the asshole jokes. Then, right in fucking front of me he takes out a card and writes his personal cell number on it. "It was nice to meet you, Ana. If you have some free time, give me a call, maybe you can show me around Seattle." _Fuck off shit face! _

She politely takes the card and turns to me, "Ready?" I couldn't be happier. Well, if she flat out refused the number I'd be ecstatic but making it obvious that we're leaving together, that makes me pretty fucking happy. I turn her away from Ryan and throw a look over my shoulder but he's too busy staring at her ass so I move behind her and his eyes rise to my own, glaring at him with a death stare. **_She is mine_**.

We make our goodbye rounds but instead of leaving the Fairmont I steer her to the bar area and push her towards the back. I'm not ready to let her out of my sight, she looks far too good and I've been craving her attention all week long.

"I wanted to get a drink if that's alright with you." Classic line, let's see if it works.

"Sure, I'll have a Three Olives Grape and seltzer please." I like it, a girl who knows what she wants. We sip in silence for a few minutes and I appreciate it. Every douche bag in the world wants a minute of my time and they all want to talk my damn ear off. It's unusual and _relaxing_ to sit with someone and be quiet but then again, this is Ana we're talking about. Nothing about my reaction to her should surprise me anymore.

When we finish our drinks she asks for another and I'm more than happy to oblige this time. I would never intentionally get her drunk but having her just drunk enough to depend on me suddenly isn't against my rules. _She's not a sub, there are no rules._

"Christian, I want to hear about your life. The parts not pertaining to GEH or work in general."

_Oh shit. No fucking way sweetheart. _I've got to think fast, this kind of questioning can quickly lead to the very things I'm hiding from her and a patron at the far end of the bar provides the inspiration that I'm looking for.

"I'll tell you what, for every shot we do, I'll tell you something about myself and you tell me something about yourself." OK, so maybe I will use alcohol to my advantage. I learn what I want about her and she doesn't remember anything about what I tell her in the morning. It's a win/win.

"As long as I get to ask first." Fine with me, baby. We get our shots, three each of Belver Bears Belvedere Vodka. What a dumb fucking name, they should fire their ad executive.

She tips her head back and drinks it all in one gulp which I know is how you drink shots but I'm still impressed. I follow suit and wait for her question. God help me.

"What makes you the happiest?" _Easy. You, baby._

"Being in the company of the people I care about the most."

"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?" I want to know this because I will take her there one day. I'm also attempting to keep the questions from getting too personal, I sure as shit don't need to disclose my lifestyle, my past, or my current desire for her.

"Hmmm. I love love love Paris but I'll pick a place I've never been to. New Zealand." And file that!

We shoot back number two and I get hard watching her swallow.

"What's your biggest regret? Business or personal." So much for keeping it light. Fucking Elena Lincoln comes to mind but I'll keep that to myself as well.

"Giving my parents such a hard time when I was a child and a teenager. I was a real fuck up, enough so that even now I'm surprised they want me around so much." She touches my hand, pulling me out of my own head and firmly planting me back into her world.

"It all worked out, I can tell by the way they look at you and speak about you how proud they are of you. Not once did they mention anything other than how great you were. It was annoying!" she giggles, my heart skips a beat and I feel good once again. I've wanted to know the answer to my next question since I ran her background check. There's something there with husband number three and I want to know what it is. If he hurt her in anyway, I will ensure that he pays in full, with interest.

"Why did you leave your mom when you were 15 and move back in with Raymond Steele when he's not your bio dad?" her face falls and I feel like an asshole. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to answer I understand." Did I just apologize?

"No, it's fine." She says slowly while she toys with one of the empty shot glasses. "Stephen Morton is a mean and terrible man. To me, and to my mom, but my mom wanted to be with him and I didn't. She chose Stephen." The words pain her as they come out of her mouth.

My non-existent heart hurts for her. I know what it's like to have a mother who doesn't put you first. It fucking hurts like hell. I want to tell her that I understand but I don't. Telling her that opens the door for my disgusting beginnings and I'm not going there tonight.

"Plus, Ray _was_ my dad, still is. I don't see him any other way." She brightens and I chink our next drink, signaling the end of the question. I want to know details but it clearly still pains her and seeing her hurting is a terrible, terrible feeling.

"Last question for you. Why do you always tell me to stop biting my lip? I don't tell you to stop running your hands through your hair." _Come the fuck on,_ another question I have to lie about. I appraise her thoroughly, she seems drunk enough that she won't remember and I'm just tipsy enough to take the chance. I go for veiled honesty.

"It does something to me…I can't describe it." Can't meaning I won't tell you that it makes my cock hard and makes me want to fuck you seven ways from Sunday. Even now visions of her in nothing but those heels is playing on a constant loop in my head.

"You mean it annoys you?"

I snort, "No, it makes me crazy in a totally inappropriate way. I want to be the one biting it but I can't so that's why I ask you to stop."

Her eyes are wide and unblinking but then she sighs and shocks the hell out of me.

"I don't even realize I'm doing it but I wouldn't stop you if you tried." _Check please! _Is that her talking or the vodka? I must look confused because she giggles and covers her mouth. "Your face right now is priceless!" Still giggling. I've no idea how to interpret her statement so I move on, albeit a little flustered.

"My turn now, drink up." She does with another one of her cuter than fuck giggles. She is definitely drunk. Another shot, another question. I can tell by the way she's thinking that she's feeling the vodka. I should take her home and put her to bed but this is so normal and so fun that I don't want the night to end.

"When did you lose your virginity and to whom?" I desperately want to know and desperately don't want to know. I hate the fuckers that have ever had the pleasure of bedding her but I want to know everything about her. I want to know what happened so I can do it to her and make it better, make her forget about all the rest. Her eyes are as wide as saucers and she starts laughing, hard.

"Ana! Christian! I thought you left an hour ago!" Are you fucking kidding me? Kate fucking Kavanagh shows up _now_?

"Actually, we were just leaving, Ana's pretty loaded." I offer her my hand and she takes it, the electricity between us intensified by the alcohol. When she tries to walk though she almost falls and Elliot catches her around the waist when her hand slips from mine.

"I've got her!" I growl at him and he backs off immediately with his hands up.

"Sorry, bro, instincts and all. Maybe she shouldn't sleep alone tonight."_ No shit._

"I'll go home with her and keep an eye on her. Elliot, can you drive us?" _Not happening_, she came here with me, she's leaving with me. I notice half the people in the bar are the football players and quite a few of them have been watching Ana the entire night. I want them to see her leave with me, not Kate.

"No need, Kate. She needs someone who will stay awake for the next few hours and I'm an insomniac, you can ask Elliot. I'll get a room here and keep an eye on her. We'll meet for brunch in the morning at that same place, 11am."

"Perfect, it's settled then. Come on Kate, let's get a drink."

She's eyeing me suspiciously and I feel I need to defend myself. "I would never hurt or take advantage of a woman. And I especially wouldn't do anything to or with Ana that would upset her." I mean that too, there's no way I'd take advantage of her.

"Guys, you realize I'm standing right here? I can make my own decisions." I glance down and she's upright due to my arm firmly around her tiny little waist and her arms wrapped around my forearm. The close contact should make me cringe and freak out but it has the opposite effect and I find her warmth soothing and steadying.

"Actually, Ana, you're _leaning_ right here. Your eyes are half closed and you're only leaning because Christian is holding you up." Sometimes Elliot isn't so bad.

"Just text me your room so I can check up on her in the morning." If that will shut you up Katherine, consider it done.

"The penthouse, I'll have her turn her cell on when she wakes up."

"The penthouse, of course you'd be in the penthouse."

We make it to the front desk and I just say to the clerk, "Grey, penthouse." And he scurries off to make it happen. Once inside the elevator I attempt to keep my distance but she's swaying in front of me so I steady her by putting my hands on her shoulders and she falls back against me, her head directly in the middle of my no touch zone. I tense but the onslaught of anxiety and pain usually associated with this type of contact doesn't materialize. _Interesting._

When the doors open she's all but asleep standing up so I lift her, bridal style, into my arms and nod at the clerk who is now holding the door open.

"Will you need anything else, sir?"

I'm halfway to the bedroom but turn and nod again, "Yes, four Advil and a glass of juice." I turn to go before adding, "Thank you" as an afterthought. _Ana strikes again._

I would love nothing more than to hold her all night long and feel her against me but I can't do that to her so I sit her on the bed and take her shoes off. _Fuck me these shoes_, I've had visions of them around my ears all night long. She's awake, sort of, and eyeing me curiously. I'm on my knees in front of her and give her a sly smile before standing.

"You're very drunk, Anastasia. Do you make this a habit?"

She rolls her fucking eyes at me and lays back, her dress hiking up indecently and my cock twitches in response. Just one more inch, come on baby, I want to see what you've got on underneath that dress.

"No, I don't make this a habit. I've been drunk twice in my life and both times was with you so you're clearly a bad influence on me. For god's sake, Christian, you had me drinking on a Sunday afternoon!" I grin, she has no idea just how badly I want to influence her.

I unbutton my shirt and take off my cufflinks placing them on the night table before kicking off my shoes. Her half closed eyes are getting bigger and when I shrug off my button down she inches back, misunderstanding the gesture. Instead I hold the shirt out to her and tell her to put it on. _Was she moving back so that I could lay down with her? Or was she shrinking away from me?_

"You can't sleep in that dress, wear this." She smiles and stands, taking the shirt and stumbling to the bathroom. The front desk clerk knocks and hands me the juice and Advil and I thank him again. _What the fuck is happening to me?_

The bathroom door opens and out walks Anastasia, long hair now unpinned and wild down her back, face scrubbed clean and in my shirt, sleeves rolled up and top two buttons open. _I want her._ Holy shit do I want her. I'm immediately hard and frozen in place but she doesn't seem to realize the effect she has on me because she just walks out and climbs into the bed tucking her bare legs beneath the sheets. I shake my head to clear it and hand her the meds.

"Take these and drink this. If you get up in the middle of the night, drink a glass of water." I need to get into the bathroom now to adjust this rager I've got going on so I pull my socks off and close the door behind me, taking a deep breath. I text Taylor to bring me a change of clothes and to buy Ana an outfit in the morning so that we can go to brunch. I can guess her bra and panty size and her clothes are obviously a small but her shoes I'll need to check out. I brush my teeth with the hotel toothbrush and smile, Ana has done the same and the thought of her mouth having been here is not helping with my erection.

When I'm finished my ablations I slide into the bed next to her, the familiarity of it a comfort. I've never shared a bed with anyone, not even my siblings growing up but something about this feels so right. She's sleeping, her angelic face facing me with her lips slightly parted and her hair fanned out across the pillow like brown silk. _Beautiful, absolutely beautiful._ Her innocence is disarming and I struggle to not reach out and touch her like I've fantasized about a thousand times.

Ironically this is the first night I haven't masturbated to thoughts of her because she's finally in my bed. I considered handling my business in the bathroom but it seems creepy when she's just 20 feet away. So close yet so far away. It seems to be the theme between us. I'm closer to her than anyone in my life yet she knows nothing about a huge part of who I am. She's lying next to me in nothing more than panties and my shirt but I can't touch her. She reaches me in a way no one ever has but I can't share with her my lifestyle. So close, so far away still.

I jump out of bed and text Taylor her shoe size and then begin pacing around the room. _I can't do this, I can't develop…feelings…for this woman._ For any woman! And Ana, she is far too good for me, the fact that she even talks to me is surprising. She can never find out who I really am and I realize with a deep sadness that that means I can't ever have her. I won't lie to her and I won't use her. As much as I want her, and fuck do I want her, I know she's not ever going to be someone I fuck and 'get out of my system'. This quandary leaves me frustrated and pissed. My fucked up past is coming back to haunt me, _again_, except now the stakes are higher than ever.

I can't be with her because of who I am but I won't just fuck her for the sake of fucking her either if I can't offer her more. More. That's what she deserves, more hearts and flowers. I wish I was that guy but_ I'm just not._ Friendship, that's all I can offer her.

Instead I lie back down next to her, she's shifted so that she's on her back and fuck me, the shirt has twisted enough so that it's tight against her breasts and I know for a fact that she doesn't have a bra on. I watch with teenage fascination as her chest rises and falls with her breathing and I take in the soft curve of the fabric and the perfect symmetry and roundness underneath. Damn. _I'll never be ok with being just her friend._

So what then? Do I cut off what we do have and let her go out of my life? The thought of my life without Ana is crushing. Two weeks, two weeks! I've known this woman for two weeks and she's changed so much of my life already, all for the better. So what do I do?

I can't help myself, I lean over and bury my face in her hair inhaling deeply and I feel the calm wash over me immediately. _She always smells so good._ I slide a bit closer to get comfortable and my leg brushes up against hers. The shirt has ridden up as well and I can feel the soft silky skin of her hip and the small bit of fabric that I'm assuming is a thong. _This is not going to end well for you, Grey. You thought you were fucked up before? You wait until you watch her fall in love with someone else, then you'll really be inhuman. End this now before it's too late and you destroy each other. She deserves so much more from you and you don't have it to give. _

I fight the urge to touch her body and instead settle for smelling her hair, it's a luxury after two weeks of sneaking my obsession and I greedily take my fill. I must have fallen asleep like that because when I wake up, the room is filled with bright light and the bed is empty. Shit, did she leave? _Fuck!_ Did she feel this huge morning wood I've got? _Shit shit shit_!


	7. Chapter 7

**APOV**

I know he's on top of me because I can feel his cheek on my sternum and I'm sweating under the solid weight of his frame and as much as I'd like to lay here with his body against mine, I've got to go to the bathroom. I crack one eye open slowly and am greeted by the copper top of Christians head. The small amount of light streaming in from the open curtain is enough to start up the dull ache behind my eyes so I close them and will the urge to pee away.

How exactly did I get here? I can remember him putting me to bed last night, even though it's a bit foggy, but I don't recall him getting in with me. Did we…? I reach down with my right arm since he's lying on my left and am relieved to find that I'm still wearing his shirt and my panties. The small movement causes his body to shift and the arm he has thrown across my belly tightens and pulls me closer as his head nuzzles against my chest.

Mmmm. His shirt. Taken off of his body. I was cheering in my head each time he'd slip one of those buttons out, each one showing more of his skin until he stood shirtless in front of me. Perfectly symmetrical pecs, sculpted abs and that holy grail of all things male, the V that leads the way to his...penis. I snicker, how juvenile. He could have taken me right then and there but he was a gentleman, damn him. Did I offer myself to him or was that just in my head? Oh my god, please just let that have been in my head.

I take a quick stock of my body, my head sort of hurts and I'm thirsty as all hell but otherwise, I feel pretty good. His arm is across my belly and his lower leg is resting on both of my ankles but mind over matter is not working and I really need to use the bathroom. I'd also like to shower before he can see me like this so I carefully untangle myself from his very warm body and slowly stand up. OK, I'm a bit nauseous as well. He reaches for my pillow and curls himself around it but stays asleep and I take a moment to stare at him. He looks carefree and young, not at all like the CEO I see regularly now. I resist the urge to push the hair off of his face and tip toe towards the bathroom.

It's already 9am so I open the curtains a bit and then take the other two Advil that he's left for me along with the glass of water he's put on the night table. When I walk into the bathroom I can't help but look twice at my reflection. My hair is a mess, my eyes are puffy and dull and my skin a sallow gray. I am never drinking again.

"Gross. Way to keep it classy, Steele." I strip and jump in the shower. The steady stream of hot water feels good and by the time I've brushed my teeth and combed my hair I feel pretty damn good for drinking the way I did last night. I've got no choice but to wear his shirt again and I cringe when I realize I'm going to have to do the walk of shame in a cocktail dress at 10am on a Sunday morning through the high end lobby of the Fairmont. _You are such a cliché._

I'm not the least bit surprised that when I walk out he's awake and has ordered us coffees and pastries. He's standing in his tuxedo pants, shirtless and barefoot on his phone but he smiles and puts it down when he sees me. I give him a shy smile and a tiny wave.

"Good morning, how are you feeling?"

I blush a bit, I know he's referring to my hangover but his attentiveness has already taken care of it.

"I feel better than I should, thanks to you. I'll give you your shirt back, just let me get my dress on." I make my way over to the closet but he laughs and tells me to wear it, he's getting in the shower and Taylor is on his way with an outfit for me because we're meeting his brother and Kate for brunch. She is going to go bull shit when she gets me alone. _I'm going to need more Advil._

"Oh, right, I had forgotten. Did he stop by my apartment?"

"No, I sent him to Neimans to pick something up. Drink some more juice and have some coffee with a pastry, the caffeine and sugar will help. I'll be right out." Taylors buying me clothes? Does this mean he guessed on my bra size? _Oh_ _god._

I watch him walk to the bathroom, his back flexing with each graceful step. I wonder how many morning he's woken up like this, with a woman in his bed. The question depresses me. Only when I hear the water running do I move again towards the room service tray.

I happily comply with his orders and grab a cherry Danish from the tray, _these aren't Entemanns_, before climbing back under the covers with my coffee. I've got no pants on so the sheets provide some modesty and my face blazes when I think of sleeping in my thongs next to him last night. I'm happily finishing my coffee when he walks out with the pants back on and his hair wet and hanging in his face. He offers me a grin that can only be categorized as goofy and grabs himself a coffee and Danish before sitting on top of the bed with me. There is a couch, two chairs and three other rooms for him to eat in but the intimacy of our morning feels so cozy that neither of us wants to pop the bubble we're in. I shift to make room and readjust the sheets around my waist and legs.

"Last night was fun, thank you for inviting me. I'm just embarrassed that you had to take care of me, I hope I didn't cause you any trouble."

He's looking at me like I've got an extra head. "I had a good time! I never stay at those type of things as long as we did and I've never sat in a bar and had drinks like that with anyone except Elliot. It was nice." He takes a bite and that's when I notice his scars. I try not to stare but he sees where my eyes have landed anyway and gives me a stern look before stating, "Don't ask, it's not something I like discussing."

I swallow before answering him, "I won't ask then. But if someone hurt you, I'll kill them."

He looks surprised and then laughs at me, his abdominal muscles rippling under his smooth skin. "You'd do that for me?"

I'm not laughing, I know what those scars are. His laughter slows and then stops when he sees my face. "Yes, I would."

His entire face lights up and relaxes all at the same time. His voice is soft and humbled, "Thank you, Anastasia. I'm fine though it's nice to know I've got a little tiger in my corner. As long as no one touches my chest or my upper back, everything is fine." Wow. Whatever happened is still affecting him, it makes me sad and angry but I smile back at him, if he doesn't want to talk about it, I won't push him.

"OK, no touching your chest or upper back. Got it." He leans back, closes his eyes and sighs, affording me the view of that V leading from his abs to his groin. It does something to me and I shift under the sheets trying to get more comfortable.

"So, you never did answer my last question." His eyes are still closed but I don't respond. "I'm waiting, Ms. Steele. We were interrupted before you could answer or do you not remember?"

_Shit!_ I was hoping he'd have forgotten, no way in hell was I telling this Adonis that I was a virgin. Especially while we're sitting in a bed together. I'm not ashamed to be a virgin but talking about it with _him_ is embarrassing, he's probably had sex with a thousand women.

"Ah, yes. Saved by Kate. That's a bit too intimate for just having met you two weeks ago." I'm giggling with embarrassment and I can feel the burn of my blush but he keeps his eyes focused on me. He's waiting for an answer but I'm actually getting a bit pissed. What business is it of his? We work together for god's sake! _Yea, and you're in his shirt, braless, in the bed you slept with him in last night._ "I'll tell you what, when you're ready to talk to me about those, I'll answer you." I point to his chest and instantly regret my words.

He's not at all happy with that and I watch with fascination as his eyes turn dark and distant.

"That's not really fair now, is it?" It's not but I'm not telling him, it's none of his business! I can see the battle behind his eyes. Is it fair to ask something so personal when he himself is unwilling to go there? After a long pause he takes pity on me and sighs again, smiling and closing his eyes. "Alright, I'll just have to assume the worst then."

I crack up, the hilarious irony of his words lightening my mood instantly. He's assuming the 'worst' and I'd rather him think that than know the truth. He opens one eye and looks at me confused. A harsh rap at the door startles us both and he jumps up to answer it. His hand pauses on the doorknob and he turns and looks at me.

"Pull the sheet up." What? I was covered enough when we were sitting here before but I obey anyway, the tone of his voice didn't seem like one to argue with. He comes back with a duffle bag and a shopping back from Neimans which he hands to me.

With a debonair wave of his arm he allows me to change first in the bathroom and I'm pleasantly surprised by Taylors choices. The pale sky blue lace bra and panty set are beautiful but I'm mortified that Taylor has picked these out for me and even more mortified that he's gotten me the correct sizes. How did he know?

The jeans are fitted but look good with the brown ballerina flats and loose brown scoop neck t-shirt. He's even purchased an oversized bronze necklace to go with it. I wonder if he'll do all my shopping for me. I loathe it and the only reason I don't look like a bag lady is because Kate forces me along every now and then and forces me to buy things she's picked out.

I head out to the bedroom and Christian is dressed in jeans and a white button down with, most surprisingly, Converse sneakers. The casual nature of his appearance makes him somehow more appealing as evidenced by the piranhas in the lobby who stop and stare at him. I'm throwing daggers left and right but not one of them is looking at me. I wish to God I was doing the walk of shame in last nights dress with him right now. Damn Taylor!

We're a few minutes early and order our breakfast, scrambled eggs for me and an omelet for him. We didn't have sex last night, I'm sure of that, but we did sleep in the same bed and I can't help but feel slightly awkward at this turn of events.

"Christian, I hope it wasn't too much of a hassle to have to stay at the hotel last night, I'm sorry I put you in that position."

He pulls a steaming croissant apart and looks at me thoughtfully before answering.

"I wish you'd stop apologizing, I've already said that I had a good time and staying with you at the hotel was not an inconvenience for me. In fact, I slept better last night than I ever have which is surprising since I've never shared a bed with anyone." He's lost in thought again and I don't want to be annoying but I can't help asking him one more question.

"You've never slept with _anyone?_ Not even a girlfriend?"

"I don't do the girlfriend thing, Ana." I'm surprised, how could a guy that looks like him and has his life not have a girlfriend at some point?

"You've never had a girlfriend?" I'm incredulous and he looks….nervous.

He hands me half of the croissant and lowers his voice,"No, Ana. I've never had a girlfriend." His eyes are boring into mine and I feel like he's got something more to say but he's choosing not to. Yet another mystery to unravel. He can't possibly be celibate or a virgin like me. Can he? I almost laugh at the prospect of it.

"So, you're celibate then?" He laughs and then challenges me head on.

"You can ask about my sexual history but I can't ask about yours? A bit of a double standard, no?" He's smiling and I'm duly chastised but I still want to know so I don't answer him. "No, Ana, I'm not celibate."

"Touché, Mr. Grey." I giggle at the rhyme but inside I'm upset. He's one of _those_ guys, the type who have one night stands or friends with benefits but offer no commitment and no emotions._ Is that what he wants from me?_ We've got the friends part covered but is he looking for the benefits part now? The thought saddens me. Is he sleeping with someone currently? The possibility of it sickens me.

Before my mood can sink further I hear Kate's voice and quickly remind myself that not only does he not owe me anything but that we are, in fact, just friends. One deep breath and a few kisses later we're all sitting at the table and Elliot is teasing Christian. It seems to be their main form of communication if you could call it that.

"No tie little brother, I didn't know you could function so casually."

"Fuck off, Elliot."

"Ana, how are you feeling? I've never seen you like that before!" Kate is exuberant; she's been trying to get me to loosen up for years and I know she's dying to find out if we had sex. I give her a slight nod no and she squints her eyes at me in disbelief.

"Thanks to Christian, I feel great." I give him an appreciative smile and he grins back but Elliot can't help himself and I hear him mutter as quietly as he can.

"Finally popped your cherry? If you need pointers, I'd be more than happy to help bro." He thinks Christian is a virgin? I'm so confused.

But Christian ignores him and pours more coffee into his mug and mine, offering me a small apologetic shrug. I roll my eyes towards Elliot and he grins in a show of solidarity.

We're all on the other side of a night of drinking but we manage to have an easy flow of conversation. Elliot is hilarious and can probably handle any social situation. Even Christian laughs at a few of his more ridiculous statements. All is going well until Kate decides to drop a bomb in the middle of our table.

"Ana, that quarterback was _so_ into you last night, after you left he approached Mia and asked if he could get your number but she, of course, didn't have it. I didn't want to offer it to him without asking you first, I figured you'd be able to get in touch with him if you wanted to." She looks proud of herself and I'm dying of embarrassment. I know exactly what she's doing, classic Katherine Kavanagh.

"Well thank you for your discretion." I feel Christian tense up next to me, his displeasure at Matt Ryans advances were evident the second we left the ballroom when he took the card with his number from my hand and tossed it in the nearest garbage can without so much as a glance at me.

"Grace said she asked you to come to the Coping Together Event in June. Are you going to be able to go?" I've got to be as red as a tomato at this point. I was going to tell Christian but I forgot she had asked me and I also didn't want him to feel obligated to 'bring' me so I had politely told her I'd need to check my schedule but that I'd like to contribute either way. I throw Kate a warning look but she's happier than a pig in shit right now.

"Why didn't you tell me she had invited you, Ana?" He's pissed and trying to hide it but I know him well enough now to see it. Apparently so does Elliot because he tries in vain to deflect the obvious annoyance in Christians voice.

"I'm sure Ana forgot. She did have quite a few drinks last night and I'm sure you weren't talking when you went back to the room." He gives a chuckle but the mood sits, heavy and awkward.

"Geez, yeah, she asked if I'd like to attend and I told her the truth. I don't know what my schedule looks like for that night but I said I'd get back to her and that either way I'd like to donate. I'd forgotten about it until just now, I'm sorry." Now _I'm_ pissed. Why the hell do I need to answer to him? I look at him straight on, challenging him to continue with the bullshit.

Just then the waitress comes and clears our plates but the mood has been effectively killed, even Kate is quiet so I stand to go, unsure of who's taking me back to my apartment. Christian stands and takes my elbow, steering me towards the door but Kate clears her throat and announces the plan.

"Ana, I drove here so I'll take you home. Christian, would you mind dropping Elliot off at his place?"

He stills and nods tightly at her before moving me again. When we're outside he runs his hands through his hair before turning his burning gaze on me.

"Stop biting your lip, Anastasia." Oh, I'm Anastasia again.

"Why are you so mad about this, Christian? She was being polite. I also didn't intentionally not tell you, I just didn't even think about it." I seriously do not see the big deal.

"I know, I'm sorry for my reaction. I'll be out of town that weekend so I can't attend with you and I know that fucker Matt Ryan is going to be there. I just don't like the idea of him around you if you're not protected."

What? Protected? From Matt Ryan who was nothing but nice and whom I have no interest in whatsoever and oh yeah, I'll also be at a black tie charity event. What exactly is he afraid of?

"Oh, ok. I didn't realize I needed protection." I have no idea what to say to him right now and I can see Kate's coral pants out of the corner of my eye.

"Are you going to go?" He wants to know, clearly this is an issue for him but now, more than ever I want to go. I hadn't even considered it until this moment but just to piss him off, I say yes.

"I'd like to. I'd prefer it if you were there, I'm not entirely comfortable not knowing anyone but I guess if Kate and Elliot are there I'll be fine. Mia seems like someone I could hang out with too."

"Oh god, no. You cannot start hanging out with Mia, she'll turn you off of the whole family." He's trying to lighten the mood so I throw him a bone and giggle.

"Alright, I'll let you know what I decide to do by Tuesday, I know your mom wants to finalize the guest list by then. In the meantime, thank you again for taking good care of me and also for the clothes. I'd like to repay you for them though." I already know what he's going to say but I have to at least offer.

"Absolutely not. Taylor did a good job though, you look as pretty as ever. Thank you for a fun night, I enjoyed myself." He gives me a kiss on my cheek before he walks me to the car and shuts the door. It's just me and Kate in the car. _Here we go._

"Don't lie to me, Anastasia Rose Steele. Did you fuck him? Please tell me you did."

"No, Kate! Not even a kiss, I told you, we are _just friends_. Why can't you accept that and stop with this every time we're together?"

"Are you kidding me, Steele? He's crazy over you, any fool can see that. He practically hangs on your every word and holy shit the way he went nuts when he found out you were invited to his moms thing? He wants you and in a bad way! Did you like how I threw that Ryan guy in there? I'm telling you, I thought he was going to stroke out."

I don't have the energy to argue with her, dealing with Christian has left me tired so I lean back and close my eyes while she drives us home. I want nothing more than to read, prepare for my week and hit the Pilates studio but she needs to be called out on her behavior.

"Actually, Kate, I didn't like it. You're goading him and it's unfair. We work together and he did me a massive favor last night. Firing him up was mean."

She shrugs, "If he didn't care about you, Ana, he wouldn't care about Matt Ryan either. Just sayin'."

God I HATE that saying!

* * *

On Monday I'm back at GEH but Christian is gone most of the day. It's Memorial Day so it's a skeleton crew outside of those deemed important enough to have at this meeting. I have my first official call with the Chinese at 4pm and I know he'll be here for that which gives me the boost of confidence that I need right now. I speak Mandarin well but only an actual Mandarin speaker can attest to that and today is my first unofficial test. I listened to as many cd's as I could last night and even now, sitting in my office I have my online radio tuned to the local news station in Beijing.

I head into Christians private conference room five minutes ahead of schedule and he rises to greet me, a knowing smile playing around the corner of his lips. Ros is looking at him like he's gone crazy but I know he's feeling contrite about yesterday. _Good._

When we begin the call I hastily introduce myself and the rest of the GEH staff members in the room before the heavy negotiations take place. This is the first of many calls over the next few months, all culminating with a sit down physical meeting at a still to be determined locale. There is not one woman on the other end of this call and there are three in this room. It makes me appreciate Christian as a business owner that much more.

I listen carefully to the men on the other end and catch their speaking rhythm and natural dialects and am quickly at ease with my abilities. The call lasts for a mind numbing two hours, the entire time of which I need to be carefully listening and taking notes at the same time. By the time we end the call I'm fried but the GEH staff are doing what's called a 'wrap up' and my input is crucial so I'm stuck for another half hour.

Christian catches me on the way out, holding me back until the last of the staff have left.

"If you have time on Wednesday, I'd like to go out for lunch again. I think we should make that a habit so that we can keep on top of this project. Does 1pm work for you?"

"Yes, I'll schedule that on my calendar. Kate told me that Elliot is coming over for dinner tomorrow night, if you want to join us, I think it'd be fun. I like watching you with Elliot." He grins wolfishly and shoves his hands in his pockets while I wait for him to answer.

"You do now, I wonder why? Who's cooking?"

"Me, of course! If it was Kate we'd be having takeout or macaroni and cheese from a box."

"I love macaroni and cheese!"

"From a box? That's sacrilegious! Not to mention unhealthy. If you come, I'll make it from scratch, not from a box."

"I'd come if you were ordering take out, sounds great. Can I bring the wine?" Is he being an ass or just polite? He's already made fun of my wine selection once. He's probably just being polite.

* * *

Tuesday is an office day for me and Missy and I tunnel through four different contract proposals that have come my way this week alone. I know it's because of my work with GEH that I was approached by two of them but I don't speak Hindi or Japanese so I delegate the Japanese one to Missy and start to look for a competent Hindi speaker that I can hire as a freelancer. The other two deals are easy, they're both Spanish translations for written word and I can easily do them at night or on my days off.

Once we've got our game plan in motion I hit the Pilates studio and then the grocery store to get a few last minute additions. I plan on making grilled flank steak with roasted fennel and beets. The gruyere macaroni and cheese is decadent but I'm out to impress.

One shower and an hour of prepping and cooking later Kate strolls in with a box of cannoli's and pignoli cookies as her dessert contribution.

"You look good in the kitchen like that, all barefoot and sexy. He's going to love this look on you, Ana."

I turn, carefully and slowly, meeting her eyes straight on. "Kate. Enough. Stop with the me and Christian bull shit, I'm sick of hearing about it."

"Alright, alright. I get it, done. He's bringing the wine you said, right? I've got Elliot bringing some beer for afterwards, there's a Mariners game on I'm pretty sure he wants to watch. Are you cool if he spends the night?"

"Of course. Now, can you please set the table, they're going to be here any minute." Exactly one minute later there's a loud knock on the door and Kate answers it letting in Christian. Elliot is a few minutes behind him.

While the two of them greet each other's tonsils, Christian opens the wine and leans against the counter to watch me put the finishing touches on the side dishes. He offers to help but at this point, it's all but done. I just need to flip the steak on the grill so he does that, rather proudly, and resumes his lean. There's no lingering awkwardness from our impromptu sleepover or subsequent argument which I'm grateful for.

A few minutes later we sit down to eat and by the noises coming from the guys, I know they're enjoying their meal. When Christian tastes the mac and cheese he moans and proclaims it the best he's ever had. Elliot is again staring at him, a lost look on his face but he hides it as quickly as he can.

It's a nice dinner, the wine is excellent, no surprise there, and everyone participates in the conversation and laughter. Even Kate and Christian are bantering back and forth which eases my mind. I don't get the impression that he likes her that much but I'm not willing to have that conversation, she's my best friend so he's going to have to deal with her if we're going to be hanging out.

Everyone helps to clean up while Kate plates her dessert and pulls a few beers out of the fridge. The game has started and while I don't care at all about baseball, I'm willing to watch it if it means being with Christian. The men are discussing the game and the players with an animation that baffles me while Kate reads an US Weekly. For the first time since I've known him, Christian looks and is acting his age. _He's beautiful._ I could watch him all day long.

Kate and I are on the couch while Christian is on the wingback chair next to me and Elliot is in the one next to Kate. After an hour or so the dessert is gone and the guys have had a few beers each. I'm tired but it would be rude to go to sleep with everyone still here so I lean back with my head on the armrest and a few minutes later I feel Christian twirling my hair mindlessly. It's relaxing and soothing and before I know what's happening he's carrying me bridal style to my room where he sits me on my bed and hands me the pajamas that are folded by my pillow.

I change when he turns his back and am only a little surprised when he takes off his shirt, shoes and socks and gets in next to me. I raise my eyebrows but he just shrugs, "Do you mind? I've had a few beers and I really don't want to hear my brother and your roommate from the couch." The fact that we have a guest room seems irrelevant to both of us so I just slide over and lay down.

"Not at all, do you need me to set the alarm for a specific time?"

"Aren't you going into GEH tomorrow too? We can just go in together, this way you don't have to drive, I'll drop you home after work." I like the sound of this but the reality of arriving and leaving with the boss is not something that sits well with me.

"Well, as much as I'd like that, I think that while I'm working for you, we should arrive and leave separately. Do you really want your employees talking about it and starting rumors?"

He looks confused at first but quickly switches to anger. "I don't give a fuck." And I realize a moment too late that he really _doesn't_ care what people think. His eyes are dark silver, swirling with anger. _He feels rejected._

"Well, I do and anyway I have a Pilates class I'm teaching at 5:30 so I'll need my own car. I own a new company, Christian. I want people to think I got hired for the right reasons, not for a conclusion they're sure to draw if they see me arriving and leaving with the boss."

I think he understands because his gaze softens and he lets out a sigh and smiles.

"Point taken, Ms. Steele, I need to leave here by 8 but I haven't needed an alarm since high school."

Just then my phone rings and his eyebrows rise fractionally.

"Are you going to answer that? And who calls you so late at night?" Angry Christian is back.

"No, and it's a guy I met a few weeks ago who just isn't getting the hint." I neglect to tell Christian that I'm starting to get worried that this guy is becoming obsessed. I haven't spoken to him in almost two weeks yet he calls at least twice a day and today he called four times, each message getting a little more sharp in its tone.

Christian sits up immediately and grabs my phone from the night table. I want to tell him not to answer it but I can't speak that quickly and before I'm fully sitting he's barking into the phone.

"Who the fuck is this? Asshole, take the fucking hint, she's not interested. Stop calling her or I'm going to make you stop." He's quiet for a few seconds before he says in a low and scary growl, "I'm a man answering her phone at 11:30 at night. Who do you think I am, dickwad? Stop. Calling. Her." He hangs up and puts the phone on his side of the bed. His jaw is tense, his eyes filled with fury but he calms down when I ask him what was said.

"You should have told me that someone was bothering you, Anastasia. Your safety is a priority, I could have had that asshole leave you alone a few weeks ago." I can tell he's barely suppressing his anger so I reach out and touch his hand, the effect instantaneous. His jaw slackens and his eyes focus on my fingers.

"I barely knew you when he started calling and I didn't even think to ask for help. I'm not really worried about him, if I get to that point, I'll let you know but for now, I'm sure he's gotten the latest message loud and clear."

"Fuck, Ana." He gets up and is pacing, his hands again tugging at his wild hair. "Why would you not think to ask me for help? This guy could be a real threat to you and no one even knew he existed until just now." He comes back to the bed and sits down eyeing me sternly. "You will alert me if he contacts you again and you will accept any and all help I give you. Understood?"

"Yes, I agree and accept. Thank you." I'm not arguing with him on this and the truth of the matter is, I am getting a little anxious with the progression of Jack Hyde's communications.

* * *

**CPOV**

Ana fell asleep pretty quickly so I have the luxury of watching her again. Her black tank top and little boy shorts do little to hide her amazing body but I'm more focused on her face. Every time I see her I find her more and more beautiful. When I walked in tonight and saw her cooking away in her little white and black sundress with her bare feet I couldn't help but picture her in _my_ kitchen, cooking _me_ dinner.

I can't sleep, I'm wound too tight from that phone call. Did she sleep with this guy? Is she in danger? Should I get her a body guard? Fuck! If she was a sub this would all be a non-issue. I'd tell her what to do and she'd comply. But not my little Ana as evidenced by our little spat at breakfast Sunday morning.

I tried, I really did try to not get upset but it pisses me off that Matt fucking Ryan will see her all dressed up and undoubtedly ask her to dance. Him and every other hot blooded male, I'm not the only one who notices how sexy she is. To my utter shock I _liked_ how she came back at me, no fear, no hesitation; she just stood her ground unapologetically. It was hot and so like Ana.

I grin at the memory of her coming out of the bathroom Sunday morning and the way her long wet hair hung straight down her back. She didn't have her normal shampoo or conditioner or perfume but she still smelled amazing, still had that scent of hers that filters through my brain and calms me. I could have sat on that bed with her all day talking and eating. I knew she'd see my scars but it was a decision I made consciously. I want her and no matter how many times I promise myself that I won't try to be with her I know that she belongs to me. I know it.

Flynn finally got me to make a decision at our last session and my new 'acquisition' plan is to little by little feed her information about myself and let her process it. She makes me want to change, makes me hopeful that one day I can be free of the nightmares and secrets that have kept me captive my entire life. Flynn pulled and pulled until I was yelling in his face but when the words, "I'll do anything to be with her!" came bellowing out they rang in my ears for hours. Would I? Do anything to be with this sweet soft woman lying so trustingly next to me? Facing my issues and working through them head on versus a life without Ana is a no brainer. I have to have her.

Even now as I watch her sleep, her perfect skin reflecting the moonlight and her chestnut hair fanned across the pillow I wonder who else has lain in this spot that I'm now in. I'm still reeling from my nightmare free night with her. I have always had night terrors and there has not been one night, not one in my entire life, that I've gone free of them. Yet the night I spent with Ana I not only had no nightmares but I slept deeply and uninterrupted. I haven't slept past 6am since I was 18 and try as I might to rationalize the night, I know it was because Ana was with me.

I chuckle softly, Taylor could easily pick me up here but I want, really want, to stay with Ana. I want to hold her against me but I know I can't so instead I twist a curl around my finger, just like I did on the couch. I couldn't hold myself back anymore, her soft shiny hair was just….there…and I wanted to touch something, anything of hers.

My phone buzzes with an email from Welch. I've forwarded the number that asshole called from and demanded a full background check immediately. Within 10 minutes I know his name is Jack Hyde, he's 34 and is a senior editor at Seattle Independent Publishing. He's never been married, has a squeaky clean driving record and no prior arrests. But that mother fucker is going to pay dearly if he scares her again.

I reach over and softly brush the hair off of her face. She makes a sound of contentment in the back of her throat and I watch as her lips upturn slightly into a smile. I settle for my hand lying between us where I can feel her breathing and close my eyes, replaying the night in my mind but in my fantasy, we go to bed together and fuck until dawn.

I'm awakened by an annoying screeching sound and it takes me a minute to remember where I am and to realize that the sound beating my brain is an alarm. I haven't used one in years. Ana is stirring underneath me and reaching blindly to shut it off.

_Shit!_ I roll off of her as quickly as I can and hop up to shower before she can see my morning wood. In her shower I smell the few toiletries she's got but nothing matches the scent I love on her. I have never known a woman with so few toiletries. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, soap, lotion and toothbrush. I grin and use her toothbrush; this is becoming a habit between us. It's so typical Ana to not have a lot, she's such a natural beauty but more than that, she's not at all caught up in her appearance like some of these other women. It's almost as if she's unaware of it.

I wake her when I'm out and watch her stumble into the bathroom giving me a half wave and a lopsided heavy lidded smile mumbling about coffee and cherry danishes before I leave. Her cute little boy shorts are killing me. Elliot is leaving at the same time, a shit eating grin on his face but my stare shuts him up before he even starts.

"Sleep well?" With a shock, I realize that I did. Seven full hours of uninterrupted nightmareless sleep.

"Yes. And it was just sleeping before you ask or insinuate."

"Whatever, bro."

I arrive at GEH a little before 8am and immediately start my day once I see the pile of bull shit that's accumulated over night. We're having delivery problems with a cargo ship I've sent to Congo and it's pissing me off that finding someone who can do their fucking job is so difficult.

It was a damn pleasure watching Ana work on Monday. She sounds so unbelievably sexy speaking any language that I had to refocus more than a few times on what was actually being said. I did notice that Mark Forsythe from accounting and David Mendington from mergers were eye fucking her so that will be the last time they're privileged to be in her company.

By mid-afternoon I'm yelling and snapping at anyone who dares come into my office or calls my phone and when the door opens at 1pm I don't look up before I growl, "What the fuck now?"

"Umm, I'm sorry, sir." _Shit._

"I'm sorry, Ana. I didn't realize it was you. You're probably the only person who I'm not pissed at. Ready for lunch?" I'm embarrassed to have snapped at her, the last thing I want to do is make her afraid to approach me but she's definitely on the defensive.

"Are you sure, I can just get something and bring it back. We can do this another day or I can send you my bullet points from the call to catch you up." Fuck! She's timid and I'm about to grovel, which I don't do, so I take a deep breath and guide her out.

"Ana, right now, a lunch out of this building with you sounds wonderful. I'm sorry I was an ass just then, I thought you were someone else. I want to go to lunch so long as you do too." She smiles and I know I've got her so I steer her towards the elevator.

Once we've been served I start in on what information I'm missing from this Hyde character. Part of my sour mood is the anxiety I have over her safety. His background check and the picture I had taken of him going into SIP this morning can only tell me so much. I need the rest from Anastasia.

"Ana, I want to know everything about this Jack Hyde guy. I'm nervous for your safety and I can't have that. You being safe has got to be a priority of yours so tell me how you met, what your relationship entailed and what happened to get him to this point. Please."

She is not surprised at all by my question, she knows me well enough to have known that I was going to ask.

"Christian, how did you know his name? I never told you that and you said he didn't either." _Oh shit._

"I had my security team trace the number and pull a back ground check on him." I shrug, this is standard procedure in my world but I know it's somewhat of a shock to her.

"Do you pull back ground checks that easily all of the time?" I know exactly where this is going and there is no where I can go to avoid it but this all falls in line with my slow feeding of personal information so I continue on.

"Yes, Ana. In my line of business and with the amount of money I have, it's routine."

"So, then you pulled one on me?" _Please don't ask if it was before I hired you._

"Yes, I did. It told me very little but I had met you at that point and had spent some time with you so to be perfectly honest, it was unnecessary in your case." She leans back and I think I've dodged that bullet. _Well played, Grey._

"There's not much to tell, really. He hired me about a month ago to translate a manuscript from English to Italian and French, I worked beside him for three days on and off and then emailed him the rest of the work. I always felt like he was checking me out, leering at me if you will. It was a small manuscript so the work took about a week and a half. When it was finished he asked me to go out to dinner with him. I politely declined, like I said, he gave me the creeps. He was clearly not happy with my denial of him but he accepted it after telling me that, 'A girl that looks like you should take every date offered to her'." She looks down at her hands and bites her bottom lip.

_What the fuck?_ She has got to know that's utter bullshit.

"You do know that's bullshit, right? You're stunningly pretty, Ana, any man would be lucky to have you, not the other way around." I speak quickly and honestly and my reward is a smile that stretches from ear to ear. _I love that smile._

"Thank you, Christian. I considered the source but words like that still sting." What an asshole, making her doubt herself. I add SIP to my interest list so that I can purchase it and fire him. Then I'll blackball his name and buy any company that does hire him so that I can fire him again.

"Please, continue."

"He called later that night to apologize and I accepted his apology and that was it. Then he called the next day to ask me out again and I again told him no. Same thing the next day except this time I asked him, nicely, not to call me ever again. I knew it was bad for business but at that point, I didn't care. He called again that same night so I changed my number. He somehow got the new number so I changed it again and he got that one. He's called every day, at least twice a day for two weeks but yesterday he called four times."

The more she talks, the more fear I feel. This is not good and alarm bells are going off in my head. He's stalking her. She's gone to the police but until something happens, they can't do anything but talk to him, which they've done already.

I've got to figure out how to protect her without her knowing. The minute I get back to GEH I go right to Taylors office.

"Sir."

"I want you to get Anastasia personal protection, covert. I don't want her knowing she's being watched, she's reject the idea immediately. I have reason to believe that the man who called her last night is a threat to her safety. I'd like to interview candidates in the morning. Only the best."

"Yes, sir. I have someone in mind already, I'll call him now." I give him a nod and walk to Ros' office next.

"Ros."

"Sir, is everything alright?" She's worried, I think I may have personally visited her unannounced twice in five years.

"Fine. I want you to get the wheels in motion to acquire Seattle Independent Publishing immediately. Hostile or not, I want it. I want to own it by this time next week."

I can't wait to fire the fucker myself.


	8. Chapter 8

**APOV**

It's hard to concentrate on telling him anything when he looks like that. He's dressed in a charcoal suit with a light grey shirt and black tie but it's not his clothes I find distracting, it's his mouth. He's listening intently and running his perfectly manicured index finger over his lips again and again. _I wonder who manicures his nails._ I'm hoping he doesn't notice the blush creeping up my neck or the way my eyes keep drifting to those long fingers. _Get a freaking grip on yourself!_

Jack hasn't called me today and he usually does by noon so maybe Christian's tirade worked. It feels strange to me to have to report to Christian about something so personal but I see him relax when I inform him and I wonder if maybe I wasn't taking Jack's obsession seriously enough. I've been living on my own for five years now and while I've never had to deal with a stalker lunatic I've also never had to answer to anyone. It's an unsettling combination of wanting to scream about being a feminist while at the same time wanting to hide under his huge frame and let him take care of me.

Lunch is nice, we don't talk about the Chinese deal one time even though that's the reason we're out, but I think he needs the break more than anything so I don't bring it up. Working so close to him as given me a rare glimpse into his day to day life and the amount of anger and frustration this man deals with is ridiculous. Half the time I want to roll my eyes and remind him that life isn't meant to be lived with such tension but I'm afraid he'll rip my head off like he does to everyone else. His behavior towards me, while at times a little domineering, is nothing like what he dishes out to everyone else.

I realize that you don't get to be in his position, with his wealth and power at 28, without raising your voice a few times. The problem is, Christian does it _all the time._ I've seen him yell at Olivia, who, I admit is an idiot, over being handed the wrong file. I've seen him yell at Taylor for security issues that he has no control over, I've seen him yell at any number of his staff over things that to me, appear to be nothing. I wonder at what point in our friendship it would be appropriate to suggest a shrink. _Earth to Ana, he's talking to you._

"Before I forget, my parents host a summer kick off party each year the first weekend of June. Now that you've met them I was hoping you'd come. I know Kate is coming and of course Mia will be there. It's mostly family and a few of my parents colleagues. BBQ, swimming, a few games and of course, alcohol." He winks at me and I can't help but roll my eyes and take a sip of my wine.

I bet he thinks I'm a drunk.

"What day is it?"

"Saturday the 4th, starts around 2pm and goes until whenever. I'm usually gone by 4 but if you're coming we can stay later. I can pick you up." I love spending time with him and I really want to go so I quickly say yes. A man like Christian can't possibly be interested in a girl like me for more than a few weeks, even just as friends so why the constant invitations? Does he see me as a charity case or something? Obligation?

"You don't have to invite me to everything you know."

"I know that, Ana. I want you to go, my mother called this morning to ask if you were going, I had forgotten all about it. I told her yes, you were, so you can't back out now. Speaking of which, she mentioned that you were, in fact, going to the Coping Together event." Deep breath, Steele, he flew off the handle on this topic before so tread lightly.

"Yes, I am. It was kind of her to invite me and I'm sad you won't be there but it's such a great cause and I'd love to be a part of it. I won't be in any danger, I promise. Where are you going that weekend anyway?"

He takes a bite of his lunch and answers, "Tokyo. We've been involved in the takeover of two small manufacturing plants and have been trying to merge them with a larger conglomerate we've already got established over there. It's been our biggest project over the last two years and this is the end of the line so I can't cancel now or I would. Everything's in limbo, including about 2500 jobs until we close this deal."

He lays his black AMEX card on the table and the waitress immediately takes it and disappears. I cock my head to the side, cross my arms and raise my eyebrows. This whole, 'I pay for everything crap' is getting old fast.

"I'd like to pay for lunch every now and then, Christian. I'm uncomfortable with you always paying, it makes me feel like a loser."

His laugh is hearty and fills the room, captivating the tables of women around us. Those that haven't been blatantly staring at him the entire time begin to now and even I admit that he is, hands down, the most attractive man I've ever met. He's immune to the stares and leers around him and reaches out to touch my hand, joy surging through me at the tiny contact. I want to waive his hand on mine around and shout, "look at this bitches! Now back the hell off!" but I sit still and grin like a loon instead.

"Anastasia, you are the furthest thing from a loser. But you will never pay as long as you're with me, under no circumstance will I allow you to even take out your wallet so just let that go now." He's still chuckling when he leans in and says in a low voice, "I'm a fucking billionaire. I made enough money to pay for lunch in the first half second of sitting here doing nothing so just stop, ok. I don't want money for the clothes or for lunch, not now, not ever."

When he stands I take his proffered elbow and give the women around me a sneer. If he wasn't watching me, I'd flip them all the bird and stick my tongue out at them too.

* * *

On Thursday I have a scheduled meeting at noon with Christian in his office. It's just Ros, the two lead acquisition managers, Christian and myself but I have a few questions I want to run past him first so I head to his office a few minutes early. Andrea is at her desk on the phone and beckons for me to go in and wait while at the same time I get a text from Christian himself.

**Running a few minutes late, I've got the team with me here but we'll be over in 5 minutes.**

**-ok, here now-**

I walk into his office and sit down at the conference table near the windows. Being alone in here offers me the luxury of really looking around and I walk over to study the pictures from Jennifer Trouton that we'd spoken about when I interviewed with him and Ros. The paintings are unique in their symbolism and finding them here in his office surprised me then and still does now. Nothing about this space speaks to who he is, there are no pictures, no notes, no awards or write ups, no kitch anywhere. Instead the office is large, foreboding, colorless and cold.

"And just what the hell do you think you're doing in here alone?" The trill and coldness of the voice behind me raises the hair on the back of my neck and I turn on my heel, surprised to see the blond woman from last week.

I debate whether or not I need to answer her but my good manners and inbred politeness win out in the end.

"I'm waiting for Mr. Grey, we have a scheduled meeting."

"What kind of meeting? Aren't the negotiations over with by now?" she's sneering and walking slowly towards me, her beady blue eyes scanning me from head to foot. I'm instantly regretting the feminine floral blouse I have on, I'd rather have on a leather jacket and steel toed boots right now. My natural instinct is to back away from this predator but I refuse myself and instead square my shoulders and meet her slitted eyes straight on. _Bring it blondie._

"How did he find you? Do you have an agent? He's only ever used me before. I'd know your face too, he's very specific with his….type...so I would think that by now I've seen every brunette out there. Do you work for an agency or are you a private referral from the club?" What the fuck is she talking about?

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're referring to. I've been contracted by Mr. Grey to help him with a project for GEH." Her eyes open a tad further and her lips close into a thin line. She's actually not that pretty now that I've seen her close up.

"Well, sweetheart, maybe that's your play but let me clue you in on something, unless you can handle his demands, you'll be out on your ass quicker than he can flick his whip. He should know better than to go around me." Maybe she's on something, this entire conversation is so weird and so out of left field that I can't help but wonder if she's crazy, she's definitely got the eyes for it.

I take a step forward; she's surprised but doesn't move so I take another step until we're only a foot away from each other. "I don't know who you are or what you want but if you're not here for GEH business, then I don't care what you have to say. I don't have a 'play' and I'm certainly not worried about being thrown out on my ass so you can take your botoxed face and back the fuck up."

"Elena!" The boom of his baritone startles both of us but it's she who blanches. My face is on fire as is the rest of my body but I refuse to look away from her. She slants her eyes again at me and a chill runs down my spine but _I. will. not. move._ I make a mental note to start up with my Krav Maga classes, something tells me this wack job is going to be making repeat performances.

"What the fuck are you doing here and what the fuck are you saying to Anastasia?" He literally stomps over and stands between us, his face is flushed, his jaw tense and his eyes wild but Elena just flicks her wrist in his direction and rolls her eyes. I look down in time to see the clenching of his fists and the flex of his forearms but she doesn't seem concerned at all, in fact, she seems...amused.

"Calm down, Christian, I was merely asking…_Anastasia_…how you found her. I'm disappointed that you didn't come to me first, that's all." His eyes widen but he stands his ground, the small vibration in his jaw the only indication of the rage boiling within him.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. And. Don't. Come. Back. Without. An. Appointment. Andrea!" His towering height and the broad expanse of his shoulders do nothing to intimidate her and she stands perfectly still, willing him to say more but he's silent as stone and just as still.

Andrea runs in, clearly flustered, she's the gatekeeper to this office and I know, just know, he's going to rip her apart. "I want you to remove Mrs. Lincoln from the approved guest list at GEH and I want the code to the elevator changed. Is this something you can handle without fucking it up?" His eyes haven't left Elena's face but to her credit, she hasn't looked away either. _Maybe I've underestimated her._

"Yes, sir, I'll take care of it right away."

"You're removing me from your guest list? How childish, Christian. After all we've been through, all we've _done_ together, this is your reaction to a few harmless questions?" The way she says those words make it clear to me that their relationship is personal and with a sick feeling I think I know just how personal. He suddenly seems gross to me, foreign even but I don't dare let her see me cringe. Instead I take a slow deep breath and force my face to be as impassive as possible.

"Get your bag and go, Elena. Any further contact will be through my attorneys or Tony, now get the fuck out."

She rolls her eyes once more and struts to the door before turning her ice blue eyes back to me. "Remember my warning,_ Anastasia_. You can always come to me when you find yourself" but I don't hear the last of her statement because Christian is yelling at her to get the fuck out and stomping towards her, effectively pushing her into Taylor who's appeared out of nowhere. Taylor lifts Elena out of the room, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and I hear her yelling as he carries her to the elevators. Christian slams the door behind her immediately coming back to where I'm standing by the conference table.

"I'm sorry, Ana, I didn't know she'd be here, I'd never have left you alone with that woman." He's holding onto my shoulders and bending down to look me directly in the eyes. "Did she harm you? Touch you?"

"No, she just said some really bizarre things and warned me about how demanding you are. What was she talking about anyway? Or is she certifiable?" He looks pained, nervous as all hell and I feel bad for him. There's something between them that is way beyond me and I have nothing to do with so I retreat from him physically and emotionally. He looks confused but I'm in over my head here. I'm not an idiot, I know scorn when I see it and she has it written plain as day on her perfectly surgeried face. She wants him and from what I can tell, she wants him _back_. Which means she's had him.

I sit on the chair for a minute while Andrea holds the rest of the employees out in the lobby and try to process what's happened over the last few minutes. It's past time to start the meeting and as much as I hate to admit it, she's gotten to me. _She's had him._ I feel ill and search his face for confirmation but he's only seeing me and my confusion. Nothing else matters to him right now. What the hell is going on? What the hell just happened? I gather myself together and fix the pile of papers in front of me, shrugging my shoulders and huffing out as if I'm merely annoyed.

"Christian, I'm fine, really, and Ros is here now. Let's just have this meeting, I don't want to spend another minute on that vile creature."

He laughs and unexpectedly pulls me against him in a hug of sorts. I just want him off of me.

"You always surprise me, Ana." He shakes his head and turns, chuckling "vile creature" under his breath. Soon enough we're assembled around the conference table and updating each other on the latest movements on the project. Christian sits there, his fingers rubbing against his lips, a small satisfied smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. God only knows what he's happy about, the Chinese are reneging on a good portion of the original contract and I was just attacked by one of his ex-'non girlfriends'. _Ugh. I want out of this office and now._

* * *

On Saturday Kate and I spend the morning cleaning the apartment and catching up on each others lives. For Kate, dating anyone for more than a hot minute is newsworthy and I'm thrilled for her. I wouldn't go as far as calling her a whore, she did her best to avoid men who were otherwise attached and she did choose her...dates...carefully. It's just that she chose often.

"You're inviting him to Bermuda with your family? Wow, that's pretty serious, Kate. Has he even met your parents?"

"Not yet, he'll meet Ethan today of course but I want to hold off on introducing him to my dad for a little longer."

She had dinner at the Grey's home last night and helped Grace to prepare some food in advance for today but apparently, Christian wasn't there. I wonder if he was with_ her._

"Wait, did you just say that you cooked? Food?" I'm standing there, yellow rubber gloves on as I scour my bathroom and she just laughs.

"Can you freaking believe it? He's got me cooking with his mom already. I actually enjoyed it, she's a really nice person. She asked about you too."

"Me? Why?"

"I'm not entirely sure but I think her questions were more of a fact finding mission. Christian hasn't _ever_ brought any friends around so to have him show up with you and allow his picture to be taken with you last weekend was apparently a huge deal." Kate is doing her very best to be nonchalant as she tries to gauge my reaction but I offer nothing more than a shrug.

"I wonder why he's been so closed off, he's a really nice and fun guy." There's an awkward pause so I raise my eyebrows in question.

"Ana, you don't get the feeling that there's something about him that's just, I don't know, suspicious?" She rushes to add, "I like him, I do and I don't feel threatened or afraid of him but I can't help but feel like he's hiding something."

Inside I'm flustered because lately I've felt the same thing. I know he'd never hurt me and I'm pretty sure he's not doing anything illegal with GEH but I do get the impression that he's actively hiding _something._ Could the rumors be true, could he be gay? I really don't think so, I'm not an expert on men but Christian being gay seems ludicrous. Jeez, the energy between us in enclosed spaces is enough to eliminate his being gay, the guy reeks of sexual prowess.

"I mean, come on. He's 28, gorgeous, a freaking billionaire and he's never had a girlfriend." Oh Kate, do not ask me to talk about this. He never said I couldn't repeat our conversation but I wouldn't take that liberty anyway. "Do you think he's ever had sex? Elliot says no. How is that even _possible_?"

I know he's had sex before, that much he's told me but it's not my place to tell Kate. I thought he and Elliot were close? And then there's Elena. I know that they have some sort of sordid history, I'm not that naïve despite what everyone thinks. _Ugh,_ the vision of him and her together grosses me the hell out and I hope I'm wrong about them but deep down, I know I'm not. I remain silent while Kate prattles on.

"Anyway, she seemed quite keen that you had come with him and asked all about your family and what you did, where you went to school. You know, the basics. Hey, is it cool if Ethan stays here for a few days? He'll be heading to my parents sometime next week but I'd love to have him around for a few days if you're cool with it."

"Of course! I'm so glad he's back! Are you nervous for him to meet Elliot?"

"A little, I guess. He's always been so honest with me and if he didn't like Elliot or thought Elliot was bad news for me, I'd be crushed. He just texted that his plane landed an hour ago so he should be here any minute. His friend is dropping him here and then we'll all go over together once he changes. I can't believe I'm nervous for them to meet, is that ridiculous or what?" She scoffs at herself but I smile. Katherine Kavanagh is in love.

* * *

**CPOV**

I am so fucking angry with Andrea right now but I will sit through this meeting and play the part of CEO for Ana's sake when all I want to do is throw Elena from the roof of this 20 story building and fire Andrea, in that order. Instead I sit here, amused as usual by Anastasia and her reaction to being verbally attacked by Elena. I'm yet again surprised by her and also impressed with her grit in the face of that bitch. I've seen well-seasoned men cower in Elena's presence but Ana, Ana met her head on, both literally and figuratively. _She is something else._

I shouldn't have hugged her, it was totally out of character for me but I couldn't help myself she just looked so damn adorable. That and I was beyond relieved when she didn't ask me who Elena was or what our 'relationship' was. I wouldn't even know how to answer that. _You're going to have to tell her eventually, Grey if you want this to go anywhere._ How could I have ever found that 'vile creature' to be attractive?

I'm actually pissed as hell that she provided my auditor the necessary files for him to begin his work, I was so looking forward to severing our business relationship but that will have to wait. I am absolutely sure he'll find something that will be a breach of contract so until then, I just need to bide my time. Today, however, will be my catalyst to expedite that process. I can never let a conversation like that happen again.

I only heard the tail end of what she was spouting off about but I know enough for the content to be clear. She thinks Ana is a submissive of mine and that somehow she's been kept out of the loop. When I rip into her after this meeting I will clear that little error up, I don't want anyone thinking of her like that, especially Elena. I snort, Ana as a submissive. That little woman doesn't have a submissive bone in her body. _And what a body it is._

Look at her, sitting there in her flowered navy blue blouse and her pencil skirt. She's not even trying to be sexy and she just _is_. I've got a good vantage point at the table, I planned it that way and I can't help but envision those white platforms thrown on my bedroom floor next to that tight navy skirt. _Fuck! Concentrate!_

The second the meeting ends Ana is walking out of my office without a glance behind her. I know she's rattled and I can see the wheels turning in her head but I let her go. I'm afraid she'll question me further and I can't risk it right now. I watch that fine ass sashay through my office and out the door to the elevator. Knowing Ana, she's leaving to get herself a coffee and a Reeces cup.

"Andrea!" I bellow and she appears, contrite and apprehensive. I walk behind my desk and sit, gesturing for her to sit in one of the chairs opposite me. She thinks she's getting fired but there is no way in hell I'd be able to operate without her as my assistant. She rarely messes things up and knows me as well as anyone has been allowed to. She's also an excellent employee and not one time has she tried to fuck me. I appreciate the non-gesture.

"Sir, if I may explain and apologize." She stutters a bit but I let her go on. "You've given me explicit instructions to allow Ms. Steele into your office whenever she requests to do so and that's why she was in here. As to Mrs. Lincoln, I cancelled your lunch as you had requested but she showed up here demanding to see you and rather irate. I asked her to leave and explained that you weren't in your office but she didn't believe me and came in where she found Ms. Steele. I immediately called security but they didn't arrive until Taylor was 'escorting' her to the elevator."

Deep breath, Grey. This girl has gone way above and beyond hundreds of times for you over the last five years. And why did it take so long for security to get here? I count to ten twice before I respond.

"Andrea, I value your employment here and I do not take lightly the number of times you've been called upon to do something out of your job description. Part of what_ is_ in your description is to be the gate keeper to this office. You can never, ever, allow Mrs. Lincoln into this office again. I don't care if you have to have Olivia tackle her to the ground."

She hiccups a laugh and I surprise us both by smiling at her. She did what she could; my real issue lies with Elena and my security team.

"Now, get me Mrs. Lincoln on the phone immediately and then block all of her numbers. You've changed the codes and put her name on the proscribed list?" My eyebrow rises as I await her answer.

"Yes, sir, it was my pleasure. Thank you for your consideration of the situation, it will not happen again, you have my word. Would you like me to apologize to Ms. Steele?"

Would I? No, it would only make Ana uncomfortable. Knowing her she'll do an extra hour of Pilates to work out the tension after her coffee and chocolate. I love that I can predict her reaction but I've got a better idea to relieve that built up tension.

"No, thank you. Just get me Mrs. Lincoln on the line and block her numbers going forward. I'll want to see Taylor in here in ten minutes as well."

Less than one minute later my intercom buzzes and I see line one blinking. "Sir, Mrs. Lincoln is on the line for you."

"Elena. What part of lunch is cancelled did you not understand? Again? And what the _**fuck**_ were you telling Anastasia?" My voice is cold, flat and angry but I'm simmering inside, the heat of my anger flowing over me in waves.

"Darling, I hate that you've cancelled our weekly meetings, I so looked forward to them and hoped that if I came by you'd change your mind. As to the girl, you _have_ to know she's not going to satisfy you. My god, Christian, she's hardly a submissive!"

Somehow I remain calm, I'm looking at my computer and scrolling through the pictures the paparazzi took of Ana and I at the Sea Hawks reception. Finally the fuckers are useful. _We look good together._

"I mean, what are you thinking? Showing up in public with her Saturday night? Someone is going to recognize her and then your secret is out, you have got to show some restraint!"

"Elena! Enough!" I yell, the calm from a moment ago swept away by the thought of someone thinking Ana is nothing more to me than a sub. "She's not my sub, she's not anyone's sub, she's not in the lifestyle at all so stop with the bull shit and leave her the fuck alone."

She grunts out a laugh, "You mean to tell me that you're _dating_ her? Because if you think I believe that you hired her for a 'project', I've got a bridge to sell you. Oh come on, get real, Christian. A man like you is never going to be satisfied in a normal relationship. It's laughable!"

"Shut the fuck up, Elena. I'm not dating her, we're friends, nothing more. But if you ever come near her again, I will make your life hell for as long as I can." Why am I explaining anything to her?

Again she laugh grunts and again I find myself questioning what it was I ever saw in her, in this…vile creature. "Well, in that case, maybe you haven't totally lost your mind."

"I don't want you calling here or showing up, those days are over, am I clear?"

"Yes, yes, of course. Should I arrange for you to meet some prospective subs then? I know you, better than anyone else and you need it. Let me set up meetings with two girls I have that fit what you're looking for. You are so lucky that Shayla is still available, she's perfect for you. Does Monday of next week work for you?"

"For fucks sake, Elena, I don't want a fucking sub. Don't set anything up, it's not going to happen. You can't possibly have what I'm looking for at this point since I'm not looking for a sub. To reiterate, do not, under any circumstance, approach Anastasia. She is off limits to you, have I made myself clear?" I don't wait for her to answer, I just hang up. She doesn't have what I'm looking for because what I'm looking for, is Ana.

* * *

Friday night I find myself alone in my apartment. Mrs. Jones is gone for the weekend and Taylor has been given the night off since I'm not going anywhere. I work a bit in my office and then head to the gym to burn some energy off. Normally a Friday night is the start of my weekend with a submissive but it seems that part of my life is either on hold or over. I'd never really thought past the present when it came to my sex life. Subconsciously I guess I knew one day I'd be finished with it but I thought it would be because of old age, not because it had lost it's appeal. Had it lost it's appeal? The question rolls around in my head while I punch the bag and ride the stationary bike at top speed.

Two hours later my limbs feel like lead and I take a shower, pour myself a glass of brandy and sit in my great room. It's unusual for me to be doing nothing but I'm so conflicted that I feel restless and unfocused. I'd try to get some work done but my thoughts drift to what I want and what I'm willing to do for it. After another glass I wander the apartment, noticing things like the brand of detergent Mrs. Jones uses and the notepad she writes her grocery list on. These things all indicate that someone lives here but nothing points to who it is. There are no personal effects anywhere. _How have I not noticed that before? _I feel like a visitor in my own home, wandering from room to room, looking for any sign of me within these walls. Eventually I wind up in front of my playroom door. It's been months since I've been in here but the second I open the door the scent fills my head and I assume my Dom stance. _I love this room. _This is the only room in the house that has any personal touches. What does that say about me?

There's no one else in here with me but it's instinctual, the power and control that this room affords me, and I walk around it slowly, admiring the furniture and the St. Andrews Cross. I've had numerous fantasies of Ana, tied up and spread eagle on it and I touch it gently, as if she were there. It's sobering to be in here alone while she is somewhere else. Does she think of me the way I think of her? As often?

I drag my fingers over the soft red satin sheets on the bed and the ornate carving of the post before opening the top drawer of the dresser where I keep the toys. I get rid of everything used directly on the body when I terminate a contract and then reorder new things. When I purchased these things I did so under the assumption that I'd use them on a new sub but now I can only visualize using them on Ana. I pick up the lavender Wand and imagine it vibrating over her nipples while I fuck her slowly, her green eyes open and wanting me. _Would she call out my name when she came?_

I sit on the Chesterfield couch and take a deep breath, looking around at the bench and the whipping post, the cross and the bed. Is any of this acceptable to her? Has she ever done any of this? Would she want to? Will she hate me, think I'm a freak, and find me disgusting? Or worst of all, cut me out of her life? Can I take the chance and tell her about this? _Does she even want me?_

Fuck, I'm so confused. My eyes fixate on the canes and whips hanging on the wall. Those are the hardest implements I've got in my playroom, naturally there are harsher 'toys' but they're for more hard core sadists. I've always been comforted by the fact that the hard shit, the wooden horse, needle suspension and the like didn't appeal to me. I_ like_ that there are people more fucked up than me. Still, the cane and whip are painful and punishing. _I've used those on women's bodies._ The memories unsettle me in a way I haven't experienced before and I force myself to stop thinking about it. _They asked for it, they wanted it._

I audibly let out a snort, she could be frigid for all I know and none of this, not even vanilla sex could appeal to her. As soon as I think it, the thought runs its course. I know that's not the case, Ana exudes sex without even trying and I know we'd be amazing together.

I lay my head back and close my eyes imagining her in this room. My body responds to the visions of her in here, on the bed, over the bench, on the table, tied up and blind folded. Actually, I don't know if I'd blindfold her, then I'd miss out on those eyes _and_ I'd miss out on watching her come. _Damn I want to watch her come._ I absent mindedly rub myself over my sweats as I picture her small delicate hands doing it to me.

I have to tell her about this, all of it, the good and the bad, the pleasure and the pain. This part of my life will always follow me, there will always be the possibility that a previous sub will talk or that someone from one of the clubs I've frequented will recognize me. It would be wrong to lure her into a relationship with me only to have her world implode one day, even my fucked up mind knows that. I want Ana, all of her and I want her to want me too. _The real me._ The problem with that is that the real me is a fucked up sadist. _I want to be worthy of her._ How do I expose her to this and still keep her? Fuck, now I'm confused and lonely and horny.

I picture her on her knees in front of me. All of my subs have sucked me off on this couch so I want Ana to do it too, not as a sub but as something….more. I want her to erase the others and grant me atonement. I can see her ripe red lips around me, sliding up and down while I grasp her hair and guide her to take me deeper.

I walk over to the St. Andrews cross and push my pants past my hips, fisting my cock with one hand while I grip the wooden beam with the other. I close my eyes and she's tied up in front of me, spread eagle with diamond studded nipple clamps on. _Oh fuck yes, I'll have to buy a pair of those for her._ She's wet for me and with each pump of my hand I imagine that tight wetness around me, her breasts bouncing with each thrust. I put my hand around her neck, just a little pressure and she cries my name and comes. My dick is pulsing in my hand and two pumps later I'm spurting onto the wood frame, my forehead leaning against it as I imagine coming inside of her, marking her, making her mine as without even knowing it, she's made me hers.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Authors note: Can I just say how fun this has been with you guys? I wrote this to get it out of my head and it's turned into something that I'm excited about. I've tried to respond to each reviewer, if I missed you, I'm sorry! Since I can't respond to guests I'll give a blanket 'thank you' to them! I want to give a special shout out to lilithblood who's been spreading the word for me. Check her out, her story, Claiming of Fifty Shades is getting hot. As in H.O.T._ **

**CPOV**

"Why the fuck doesn't she just hire people to do this shit? It's such a fucking waste of time." Elliot and I have been hauling out tables, chairs, umbrellas, coolers and a slew of other assorted bull shit. It's hot and I'm annoyed. Ana texted me earlier this morning that Kate's brother was in town and that he'd be coming as well since Elliot invited him. "Have you met Kate's brother, what's his name? Dylan, Kent, Kyle?"

"Ethan. I haven't met him yet but Kate's pretty fond of him so I've got to play nice and kiss his ass I guess. I've never really done the intermixing of the families so I'm not sure how this is supposed to play out." Well that tells me absofuckinglutely nothing of use. I want to know who this guy is since he'll be staying in the girls' apartment for a few days.

"What does he do?" I ask as we grunt and move the stadium seating my parents bought a few years ago for this exact party.

"Fuck this shit is heavy! Why the fuck are we doing this? I don't know exactly, he modeled through high school and college to make some cash but Kate said he's not really into it anymore. He's two years older than her so that makes him 24. I'm 32, Christian. What the fuck am I going to talk about with a 24 year old kid? For the entire day?"

"Kate's 22, asshole. If you can talk to her you can figure out how to talk to the kid. You're like a fucking child sometimes." I'm even more pissed now. So the guy staying at Ana's apartment is her age and a model. Great.

"Guys, mom wants to know if you want some lunch. Gretchen just put some out plus the event company is here now so they'll finish the rest of the set up." Mia is gloating, obviously she knew there would be help arriving but she opted to not mention it, instead letting us sweat our asses off.

I exchange a look with Elliot and he's just as pissed. "Oh little sister, that was a dangerous game you just played." He starts stalking towards her and she squeals and runs but we catch her by her arms and haul her to the pool, her feet kicking underneath her as she screams in protest, begging and promising anything she can think of.

"Mia, how long did it take you to do your hair?" I ask as she's swinging between us now, her body sailing over the water on each upswing. She's still screaming and begging but we count to three and let her fly, the splash she makes as unladylike as possible.

"You fucking assholes! You mother fucking assholes! I hate you both!"

"How long, Mia?" Elliot is doubled over laughing so hard that tears are running down his face.

"An hour you asshole! For nothing!"

"Well, Christian and I have been out here for close to two…for nothing. We owe you an hour." Elliot offers her his hand and helps her out and we continue to tease her until she's laughing. It's times like this that I'm reminded of how much I've missed out on with my siblings during my teen years and early 20's. Only in the last few weeks have I enjoyed spending time with Elliot. My fucked up past has tainted every single aspect of my life, nothing has been left untouched and as I work through my shit, I see my chosen secret for what it was. Isolating and sad.

After lunch I shower and shave in my old room and throw on my black swimming trunks with a white tank top, my aviators and flip flops. Ana should be here soon so I hurry outside and grab a beer, determined to be normal for today at least. I haven't seen her since Thursday when she had her Elena showdown and I'm anxious to spend time with her to make sure that she's alright.

There are a good number of people milling about, mostly doctors and nurses from the hospital my mom works at but I see a few of my dad's associates as well and make small talk with them to be polite. I'm talking to a young endocrinologist when he stops talking and stares, open mouthed at something behind me. I turn and there she is, breathtaking perfection in a red and white striped bikini with a tiny pair of white shorts and a loose white tank over top. Her hair is blowing in the breeze, her skin just touched with the sun and my world shrinks to the size of her frame. All motion stops, all sound disappears, it's only Ana.

"Holy shit, who's the babe? Fuck me I know who I'm taking home tonight!"

My head snaps back at him and I sneer at him rudely. "Not a fucking chance." I want to say more but I'm afraid I'll snap his neck if I do.

He's still looking at her and I move to block his view, "Whoa, man. Is she your girlfriend or something?"

"No." I grit out. This is bull shit, if she were mine, this wouldn't be happening right now. With a sinking feeling I notice at least three other men ogling her and I also notice Kate's brother standing next to her, shaking Elliot's hand. Kids a good looking guy, I'll give him that. He whispers something in her ear and she giggles. I've had enough.

"Just stay the fuck away from her, Dr. Brock." I turn and walk up to her and the moment she sees me her face lights up and she walks towards me and embraces me. I want so badly to turn and flip off the good doctor but I don't, instead I press her against me and feel the softness of her breasts and the slim firmness of her waist. _Control, Grey, get control._

"Hi" she breathes and I kiss her cheek before releasing her. I've wanted to smell her for two days now and the minute I do I'm instantly calmed. I'm like an addict looking for a fix. She turns and the Ethan fucker is holding out his hand to me.

"Ethan Kavanagh, it's nice to meet you, Christian." He's got a good shake, good eye contact. Maybe he's not just a pretty face.

"Mr. Kavanagh, welcome. Can I get you a beer?" I'd rather take my girl here upstairs and fuck her brains out but since I can't do that, I'll play the role of nice host.

"Sounds great, thanks. I'll come with, I'd like to introduce myself to your dad." Ballsy too.

"Ana, would you like a drink? We've got some frozen drinks at the bar or there's beer and wine or soda." Her face breaks into a grin and she asks for a pina colada with a cherry. _Anything for you baby._

Ethan, Elliot and I make small talk while the girls head inside to offer their help. Mia comes strolling out in a barely modest bikini and I see Ethan's eyes follow her from the door to my side, his hand coming out to introduce himself. I do not like my sister being checked out but it's marginally better than him going after Ana so I don't act like an asshole but instead watch the exchange carefully.

From what I can tell, he's a gentleman. I know the Kavanaghs come from money so he would have been raised with good manners and while he's friendly with Ana, he's not flirty. If he hurts my sister though, I won't hesitate to rip him limb from limb.

"What do you do, Ethan?" Mia's little voice pipes up.

"I recently received my masters as an electrical engineer from MIT. I'm taking a few weeks off to enjoy life and then looking for a job somewhere on the East Coast." Perfect, far away from here. Smart with looks like that? _Get lost._

Ana comes bouncing, and I do mean bouncing, out of the house with a tray of food and her drink. Once she sets the tray down I grab her bag and put it on one of the lounge chairs by the pool. I want to see her out of the clothes and just in the bikini but she doesn't take the bait. Instead she asks for a tour of the grounds and I happily acquiesce, I can think of nothing I'd like to do more right now than spend time alone with her.

In the boathouse she runs her fingers over my rowing trophies and says more to herself than to me, "You're so competent. Everything you do, you do it well." I've never been one to care for compliments but when they come from Ana my chest swells with pride and I break into a grin.

"Come, I'll show you the rest of the house." It's an excuse to take her hand in mine but she doesn't pull away or pause, she just lets me take the lead and follows me from room to room until we're in my old bedroom.

"So this is where you grew up? It's nice. And your parents haven't changed it at all since you left at 18?" I'm standing next to the bed watching her as she studies the posters of kick boxers and musicians that I idolized ten years ago. _Her ass is so perfect in those shorts._

"Who is this woman?" Fuck. I had forgotten about that picture. Ana's scrutinizing it and realization dawns on her. "You look like her." Her voice is just above a whisper but I hear her anyway.

"That's my birth mother. She died when I was four and that's how I came to live with Carrick and Grace." It's the most I've said about her to anyone outside of Flynn, ever.

"I'm so sorry that she died, Christian." She's looking at me now and standing only two feet away. _So incredibly beautiful._ I shrug and I can tell she's internally debating with herself.

"Just ask, Ana. I know you want to." _I'm trusting you. I'm doing something I've never done before, please don't screw me over._ I want to tell her everything and the realization terrifies me.

"How did she die?" Do I do this? _Deep breath, Grey._

I knew it was coming but I'm not prepared for what happens next. Before I can stop myself the words rush out. "She was a drug addict who whored herself out. She overdosed when I was four and I don't know if she meant to do it or if it was an accident. Either way, no one found me or her for four days." I've never said those words together. Flynn and I have talked about each part of it individually but never as a whole. My voice sounds odd to me, not my own. _This is so not how I had planned this day going._

She says nothing but her eyes are glassy and after a few seconds she steps forward and puts her arms tenderly around my waist and leans her head against my chest. Instinct tenses me but the intimacy of this moment with this woman over powers any fear I have about being touched and I slowly relax when the fear begins to ebb away. I lean down and kiss the top of her head and inhale deeply. It's the longest I've embraced anyone and _it feels good._

"I'm so sorry your life started out that way, Christian. It makes me even more impressed and awed by the man you are today." My heart is beating out of my chest with the urgent need to wipe away the unspilled tears that have collected in her eyes. _Tears for me._ It breaks me and builds me.

"Ana, I'm, it's been 24 years. I'm fine now, really." _You're not fine, Grey. You still want to whip brown haired women because they remind you of your mother._ "Please, please don't cry for me. It was a long time ago."

She shakes her head and offers me a small smile. "Yes, it was a long time ago but she's still your mother and it's still tragic. She was beautiful, you look so much like her."

"Look, I don't want this crap in your head or screwing with our day so let's drop it. If it makes you feel any better, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life." Now that, is the God's honest truth.

"Christian! Come help me with this stupid sound system, it keeps playing the same damn song over and over!" Ana jumps back, my arms aching to feel her again but she's already walking towards the door and I quickly follow that tiny little ass down the stairs and to the sound system. Ana stays with me and offers me a small smile.

"I'm sorry I ran out of there, I just don't want your dad getting the wrong impression of what was going on in there." So cute. I finish correcting the system and grin, leaning down as if to tell her a secret.

"You know, I'm almost 29, I think he'd be ok with me having a girl in my room." I'm laughing and to my immense pleasure I see that fucker Dr. Derek Brock watching us. "Pool?"

She nods her head yes and we go to the lounge chairs where she immediately takes off her tank top while her back is to me._ Turn around, baby._ I've thrown my shirt onto the side table and have already stepped out of my shoes by the time she shimmies those micro shorts down her legs. _Oh sweet Jesus that ass is going to kill me._

When she turns around I'm struck dumb. _**Holy. Fucking. Shit.**_ I'm stunned; her body is pure femininity and _holy mother of fuck those hips._ Flashes of my hands gripping those sweet curves flit past my eyes in rapid speed. I need to get in the pool now before I embarrass myself. She bends down to put her folded shorts and shirt on the table with mine and the sensual swing of her breasts actually makes my balls ache. _Holy fucking fuck she's hot._

She's shy as she makes her way to the edge of the pool. I'm already in and I notice so are a bunch of guys that had been previously hanging out. _Perverts. They all want what's mine._ I look over and Dr. Brock is eye fucking Ana before one of the caterers offers him a scallop. I hope he chokes on it.

She stands on the edge hesitant to jump in but I'm ok with her reticence, it gives me a good view of her bikini bottoms and from what I can tell, she's bare and my dick tingles in response to this revelation. _I can't wait to find out._ Instead of demurely stepping in like the other girls, she dives in, head first next to me and comes up across the pool. Her eye lashes are darker now and her hair is slicked back. She looks like a kelpie.

A shape swims towards her and she giggles when Ethan surfaces next to her. "Hey Steele, any surf boards around?" she splashes him and I swim over. _Fuck off, kid._ We get our drinks and hang, literally hang, off the side of the pool talking about everything and nothing. Ethan finally gets the hint and takes off; I see Mia in a lounge chair and watch him sit next to her, I've never been more grateful for my sister.

I cannot take my eyes off of Ana. The way her bikini sticks to her breasts screams of sex and pleasure and hedonism. She looks so young and innocent but underneath that All American Girl look is a smoldering sexuality that will bring me to my knees. _Hasn't it already?_

Her appeal isn't lost on any of them men in her vicinity, more than a few times I've thrown a cutting look after someone who's gaze lingered a bit too long on her body. I feel like a hunter guarding my prey. I watch as she rises from the pool, water streaming down her smooth curvy body and I groan inwardly. This is sheer torture at this point. I tuck my erection into the waistband of my trunks and hope for the best.

* * *

"Hey, who's that guy with the cargo shorts over there talking to Ana?" _What?!_ Kate flashes me a toothy smile and continues. "Ana has to beat them off with a stick lately! Did she tell you that football player called her yesterday and asked her out?" _What?!_

Ana is still in just her bikini top but she's put the shorts back on much to my delight. I'd love to look at her barely covered ass but so would every other guy at this party so having her covered up makes me feel a bit better. As much as I'd like to pull her away from Derek Brock I need to find out about this phone call and if Ana's not offering the information, I need to get it from Kate.

I play dumb. "Which one?"

She grins, she knows. Kate Kavanagh may not have the reputation my brother does but she's not too far off. I needed three sheets of paper for her background check solely due to her 'relationship' history.

"It was a number she didn't recognize and she answered it only because she thought it might have been Jack and she wanted to report him to you. But it was Matt Ryan, he is so cute by the way. Anyway, they spoke for a few minutes and then he asked if he could take her to Canlis tonight." I know her game and she plays it well. There will be no further information from Kate on the issue. "So, who's that guy? He's not bad looking either."

"He's an asshole, that's all you need to know. His intentions with Ana are less than honorable."

"And yours? What are your intentions, Christian?"

I can't believe the balls on this woman. "Are you implying something, Kate?"

"I don't know you all that well but Ana is the best person I know. She is loyal and sweet and trusting and kind and I will shred anyone who hurts her."

"Then we're in agreement, Ms. Kavanagh, I would destroy any fucker that hurt her so if you'll excuse me, I would like to keep her away from limp dick over there."

Elliot comes over and tosses a chip in his mouth, unaware of the exchange that just took place, "Look, I know you guys aren't dating," he gives me air quotes and points in the direction of Ana and Derek, "but she is definitely most comfortable with you around and in case you haven't noticed, every guy in here, with the exception of me of course, is eye fucking her. That dude though, he's a step away from groping her."

"I know, Elliot, thanks so much for pointing that out." I take a few sips of my beer and purposefully stalk over to her. "Ana." I toss out my best dom voice and she looks up at me and smiles before a flicker of confusion crosses her pretty little face. "Come."

"Oh come on, Grey. Lighten up, the last I heard, women were allowed to make their own choices in this country including who they talked to."

"Anastasia." I don't even look at him, he's nothing to me, no more than a pest that needs squashing. I'm so used to my subs doing exactly what I say that her hesitation is infuriating me. Her soft hand slides into mine and I pull her up and walk her to the house quickly before she can question me in front of him.

"What in the hell was that about, Christian? That was so freaking embarrassing!" She's pissed. I can handle pissed, what I can't handle is her sitting next to someone who wants her and is blatantly making a play for her.

"He's a limp dicked frat boy who wants in your panties, Anastasia. You shouldn't even waste time on a guy like that." Did she just roll her eyes? She did, she just fucking rolled her eyes!

"Christian! He was just being nice and talking! He does not want in my panties! God!" I can't help but laugh when her voice drops to a whisper and her face turns bright red at the mention of her panties.

"Come on, you've got to cheer our team on in the football game anyway. Is Ethan any good or is he too pretty to play, somehow he's been drafted onto my team." The kid better be able to play, I can't stand playing with guys who don't want to win.

"I have no idea, I think he played soccer in high school. Is this tackle or flag?" I flash her an incredulous look, it's tackle of course. Why would anyone play flag?

The game is going well, our team is up by two touchdowns and I've taken my shirt off and handed it to Ana to hold for me. _I could get used to this._ She's still only in her shorts and bikini top but her hair has dried in soft curls and her cheeks and the top of her shoulders and breasts have a tantalizing pink glow. I know this because I have studied her body all day long.

Our quarterback calls for a running play and at the snap I run towards the sideline with my arms outstretched as a distraction and out of nowhere, limp dick frat boy is on top of me and I'm halfway under the bleachers. _What the fuck?_

"What the fuck, asshole?" I come up swinging, but he's being pulled away by his teammates so my fist barely connects with his face. Elliot has run over and is determined to get to him as well but the wall of men between them hinders his progress. The hit was blatantly illegal and personal and I reach up when I feel a trickle run down my face and onto my chest, a steady splatter of red in it's wake. _Mother fucker!_

I'm boiling with anger right now, someone has put their hands on me but my anger is quickly replaced by paralyzing fear when I realize the women who had been watching the game are now circled around me and are touching me, trying to help and wiping the blood off of my chest. I can't move, the reaction to their physical proximity causing me to lose all sense of motion. My eyes lock onto to Ana's and she immediately understands.

She's in front of me and I focus on her but the excruciating pain is radiating off my skin, and it feels like I'm on fire. I want to scream, this is as bad as my nightmares, but I can't, nothing will come out.

"Get off! Move out of the way! Take your hands off him!" Ana and Mia are pushing away the hands that are burning me and then I'm on my feet being led away like a small child towards the house.

"I'll go get mom."

"No! Mia I'm fine, let me get cleaned up, if it's bad we'll get mom. Don't interrupt her right now."

"But Christian you're bleeding!"

"Mia, I'll clean the cut up and see if how bad it is. If we need Grace, I'll send for her right away, ok?"

We make our way inside and she leads me up to my old bedroom where she directs me to the bathroom and proceeds to wash my hair in the sink, carefully avoiding the gash that is not letting up. Once my hair is clean she applies a washcloth to the cut and silently guides me to the desk chair where she hands me another wet cloth and lets me clean the blood off of my chest._ I want her to do it_, I want her to touch me but I don't ask and instead I wipe it all off and toss the cloth onto the bathroom floor.

We've got to wait until the blood slows down before she can get a good look so she stands to my left, the hand not holding the washcloth resting on her smooth hip.

"Why did he do that? You didn't even have the ball."

"I told you, Ana. He wants you and he knows I know it. I'm cock blocking him." She scoffs at me and checks the wound. _My God she smells so good._

"Cock blocking? Wait, you're blaming me?"

"No, I'm answering you. Ask Elliot or Ethan if you don't believe me. That guy's been gunning for you all day and he knows I'm not going to let him get near you so he's pissed. End of story."

She shifts her body so that she's got one leg between mine and her other leg on the outside of my thigh. _She's trying to kill me._ As she pats at the cut and gently parts my hair to survey the damage I am treated to an up close view of her pert 34D's. They're creamy and softly swaying mere inches from my face and I am seriously about to blow my load. I know she's talking to me but I can't hear what she's saying as her voice washes over me, caresses me and strokes me and I close my eyes and groan.

"Did I hurt you?" She's still standing there with one hand on my head and I slowly shake my head no.

"I'm dying here, Ana, you're killing me in that bikini, standing so close." My voice is husky and without thinking I trail the tips of my fingers along the outside of her legs until I reach her shorts. _So soft._ I can see the outline of her nipples as they harden in response and I reluctantly drag my eyes away to meet hers.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She whispers.

"Don't be." I whisper back and then reach up with my thumb and pull that bottom lip out from between her teeth. I shouldn't be doing this, she's not signed a contract, she's not part of the lifestyle, there is still so much she should know about me but right now, I just don't care. Her mouth is so close I can feel her breath on my face and I lightly grab her hips, pulling her down to my leg. Those eyes that I've fantasized about a million times are staring into mine, reading my soul and laying me bare but I can't look away.

"Christian." She whispers as if to stop me but the movement of her lips draws me even closer and I press my mouth against hers before she can protest. Her lips are soft and sweet and I groan in appreciation. Slowly, tentatively she kisses me back and opens herself up to my tongue which dives in between her lips, tasting and stroking her mouth. My hands have pulled her closer and I feel the softness of her breasts against my bare chest but what is making me crazy with desire, literally crazy with the need for this woman, is the damp heat I can feel between her legs as she straddles my thigh.

"Ana." It's the only word I can manage right now, the only thought in my head and she answers me, rocking against me and kissing me back while the world around me spins and disappears.

My hands run up and down her back exploring while her hands run up and down my arms, avoiding my chest and back. _She's remembered._ I twist my finger around the tie of her bikini and give a tiny tug, a silent question begging for an answer. She gives me a small moan and I'm out of my mind, the painful throbbing between my legs becoming faster and more urgent. God that lip, I have wanted to bite that lip of hers for weeks now and I indulge myself and suck on it before nipping it with my teeth. I have never kissed like this, unrestrained and affectionate and I'm just about to lay her on the bed and peel off that top when I hear a loud scream and some shouting from the back yard.

Ana hears it too because she pauses and pulls away, looking towards the window. _Oh no no no baby, come back to me._

"What was that?" A space ship could have just landed but I don't give a fuck right now.

"Who cares?" I take her face within my hands again and turn her towards me but the noise outside erupts and becomes frenzied. I can make out Elliot's voice and my mother's pleading tone.

Ana jumps off of my lap and runs to the window and I follow her. Outside there is a small crowd on the patio, with Derek Brock in the middle while Elliot curses him out. My cousin Gavin, who is as much of a hot head as me, is joining in the argument which is quickly escalating.

"Shit. We should get down there I guess." My head is still bleeding, not as much now since all of the blood in my body has rushed to my dick, so I take the washcloth and run down the stairs two at a time.

My mom is frantic trying to get up to speed with what happened while also trying to stop whatever is about to commence. To my surprise the other person as fired up as my brother is non-other than Ethan Kavanagh. Perhaps he's not so bad.

"Enough! I'm fine, Elliot, Gavin, Ethan, I'm fine. It's a small cut, nothing more."

There is a volley of arguments being tossed at me but I know my mom would be upset if this escalated into a fight and for that reason alone I want to end it now. Derek comes out from behind the screen of people in front of him and walks to my mom, kissing her cheek and thanking her for a lovely time.

She just stares at him like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car but he continues, "I think it's best I go now, this misunderstanding and accident is causing too much of an uproar for your boys. I'll see you on Monday."

I give a subtle nod to Taylor who had followed us upstairs and then back downstairs and he quietly goes to the front of the house.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." Ana just nods, I think she's in shock, something tells me violence isn't part of her day to day.

Derek is being delayed by the valet, on purpose of course, and I walk up to him and stare him down. He snorts and shrugs, bracing himself for the punch he thinks is coming. "Do your worst, Grey. I'd love nothing more than to lay a law suit on your desk and run your name through the mud you arrogant prick."

"I'm here to thank you actually. While you were hiding from my brother, I was upstairs with my tongue down Anastasias throat and her legs wrapped around me. So tonight, when your tiny dick is in your hand and you're thinking about her hot little body, I'll have the real thing pressed up against me."

I turn to go but toss out one last line. "If you ever show up at this house again or come within ten feet of Ana, I'll come after you from every angle. Don't fuck with me Brock and do NOT fuck with Anastasia."

* * *

**APOV**

"You really don't think these shorts are too short? I feel kind of trampy, Kate."

"Oh my god, you're such a damn Puritan. You look great."

I turn to Ethan and raise my eyebrows. He glances me up and down and shrugs, "You look 22 and healthy."

The Grey's house is massive. As in, I could get lost for three days and no one would know massive. This is where Christian grew up, in a humongous house on the water with a yacht docked outside. And a boathouse. He has a freaking boat house.

Grace and some of the staff greet us in the kitchen and though the house is large and these people have more money than I could ever dream of, she makes the place feel warm and homey.

"Ana! Carrick and I are so glad you were able to come today and we are just thrilled that you're attending the Coping Together Event next weekend."

Kate gives her a hug and introduces Ethan to her while we make small talk. My eyes are scanning the windows that show the back yard but I don't see Christian or Elliot. I'm still searching the backyard for them when we step outside and Elliot pops up to greet Kate and meet Ethan. Ethan leans over to me to crack a joke about Elliot's 'girly curls' and I laugh.

I feel a zing of electric shoot up my spine and look up into the most beautiful pair of grey eyes. The uncertainty of my outfit is laid to rest when I see him eye me up and down and even I know he likes what he sees.

"Hi." I can barely breath he looks so good in his black board shorts and white tank that show off his strong, well-built arms but it's his bare feet in flip flops that have me panting. He has the sexiest feet I have ever seen. He bends me to him when he hugs me, the flat hard planes of his muscles make me feel safe and vulnerable all at the same time.

I take the pina colada he brings me and head inside to offer my help to Grace, saying hello to Mia who's on her way out.

"Ana! My mom said you were here! I'm so glad you could come." She looks amazing, absolutely perfect in her pink bikini that is way smaller than mine and I want to hug her. If she had been in a one piece, I would have just died.

"I'm happy to have been invited. Did you get a chance to meet Kate's brother yet? He's over there with your dad and brothers."

She squints her eyes and I count down until she sees him. 5, 4, 3,2

"Oh my GOD! Are you freaking kidding me? Please tell me he's single. He is seriously hot. Introduce me, come on." She grabs at my arm but I just laugh her off and tell her to go say hi herself.

"He's really nice, down to earth and not at all a prick, just go introduce yourself." I take notes as she sashays over and flips her hair as casually as she can before reaching out to shake Ethan's proffered hand. Sashay, casual hair flip, touch. Got it.

Grace hands me a tray to bring out and once I put it down Christian takes my bag, dropping it on one of the lounge chairs but I'm so not ready to take off my shirt just yet so I ask for a tour. I want to see the boat house, I've never been in one. Or known anyone that's had one.

There are rows and rows of trophys for all three of the Grey kids but I'm only interested in his. I know so little about his life before GEH and any information I can gather is sacred to me. His accomplishments are overwhelming, is there anything he's not good at?

"You're so competent. Everything you do, you do it well." The words leave my mouth before I can filter them but his reaction is priceless. I smile back at him and I'm sure my grin is goofy but I can't help it, he looks so happy right now.

"Come, I'll show you the rest of the house." He takes my hand and I float out of the boat house and through the rest of the tour until we wind up in his childhood bedroom. I'm mesmerized by the evidence of his adolescence. It's so…normal. Posters of bands and fighters adorn the walls while ticket stubs from concerts he's attended are tacked on a corkboard above the desk. I run my hand over it and imagine a teenage Christian sitting her doing his homework.

The corkboard has pictures of him and various places around the globe and a pang of jealousy shoots through me at the experiences he's had. I've done a little travelling but nothing like him. A small picture of a woman tacked in the upper corner catches my attention.

"Who is this woman?" she looks familiar and I study her face before realization dawns on me. Oh my god. "You look like her."

"That's my birth mother. She died when I was four and that's how I came to live with Carrick and Grace."

I don't know what to say or what to do. There are a thousand emotions playing across his face, none of which I can interpret. So he's adopted. That explains why all three of the kids look so different. My throat is dry but my eyes are wet. I need to say something but I don't know what so I offer an apology for her death. He's receptive but challenges me, he knows I want to know more but I won't ask.

I study his face and see the anguish, _he wants to tell me._ I ask but I'm not at all prepared for his answer. A drug addict prostitute? Four days? Four days at four years old with his dead mother? If I speak now the tears that have gathered in my eyes will spill over so I tentatively reach out and embrace him. His whole body is tense and his heart is beating wildly but when I go to move away he pulls me tighter. I can feel the weight of this moment and only when he kisses the top of my head do I let him go.

He's begging me not to cry and I won't with him here. I haven't cried in front of anyone since I was 15 and the vulnerability that comes along with being that open isn't something I'm eager to experience again.

Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom looking for Christians help with the sound system. He rolls his eyes and I jump to hurry downstairs. The last thing I want is for his parents to think I'm a slut. I glance quickly one last time at the picture of his birth mother. I don't know whether to hate her for what she did or love her for giving him life.

* * *

The moment of truth. The pool. I've avoided it for almost a full two hours but the sun is blazing and my host is intent on going in. I undress as quickly as I can so that I can get in the pool as quickly as I can but when I see Christian in just his bathing shorts I'm not in such a rush anymore. He looks good, like, _really **really**_ good. I follow him to the pool and dive in, eager to hide my body under the water.

"Hey Steele, any surf boards around?" Wise ass. My last trip was to the Kavanaghs beach house in Malibu. Ethan tried, to no avail, to teach me to surf but the only thing I learned was that not only can I not surf, but I'm a danger to those around me. He's got the four stitches on top of his foot to prove it.

I like this, floating in the pool with the hottest man on the planet, his attention solely on me. Everyone here wants a piece of him, they've all tried to corner him and talk to him about a potential deal or some insider information they claim to have. He just rushes them and brushes them off before turning his attention back to me to listen to me prattle on about the newest book I'm reading.

When I mention being hungry his eyes shift under his aviators and he sprints out of the pool to get me fed. I laugh at the plate he brings me, it's laden down with just about everything on the buffet and he looks confused by my laughter.

"What? You said you were hungry!"

"For lunch! This is enough to host our own party with!"

He grins and runs his hands over his wet hair, "Yea, I guess it's a bit much for you. I call dibs on the ribs then."

* * *

"What was that all about?"

"I'm not entirely sure to be honest. He just kept telling me that Derek 'wanted in my panties' and then changed the subject."

Kate, Mia and some of the other guests are sitting on the bleacher seats and watching a group of guys play football. I've never cared for the game but watching Christian, well, actually, Christian, Elliot and Ethan, run around shirtless is quickly making me a fan.

"He does, Ana. You are so naïve it's scary sometimes. God, even now he's ogling you from across the field." I'm not going to look, I have no interest in anyone but Christian and if Kate is telling me the truth, I don't want to give Derek the wrong idea by staring at him.

There's a flurry of activity and I watch as Christian runs along our sideline. My eye catches movement from the right and I look just as Derek, at full speed and a look of determination on his face that frightens me, tackles Christian into the bleacher seats.

"Oh my god!" Mia is pushing at people to clear a path and I follow her until we're on our knees in front of a bleeding and panicked Christian. It takes me no time at all to see the hands of well-wishers on his chest and back so I leap into action, pushing them away and yelling at them to let him go. He's despondent when we lead him away and only when Mia suggests getting their mother does he react.

As soon as we're in the bathroom I bend him over the sink and gently wash the blood out of his hair so that I can see just how bad the cut is. I grab two washcloths and hand him one so that he can clean his chest and with the other I sit him in his desk chair and hold it against the wound.

He sits still and lets me check the cut every minute or so, the flow is slowing and I don't think he'll need stitches but I'm still a little freaked out. It was so….violent.

"Cock blocking?"

My arm is tired so I shift my legs and use my other hand to hold the cloth against his head. After a minute I check it again and am relieved that he's almost stopped bleeding.

"You're not going to need stitches I don't think. You should have your mother check it of course but for now I think you're fine." Did he just moan?

"Did I hurt you?" When I look down at him it's not pain I see in his eyes. They're stormy and dark grey and impossibly beautiful.

"I'm dying here, Ana, you're killing me in that bikini, standing so close." My face loses all expression, of all of the things I thought he'd say, that was not one of them. Suddenly I'm acutely aware of the warmth of his breath on my skin and I belatedly realize that I've quite literally shoved myself in his face.

His fingers lightly rub small circles on my legs and a feeling I've never felt before settles low in my belly. It's an aching, roiling sensation and somewhere in the back of my mind the word desire swims around. When I apologize he reaches up slowly and pulls my lip out from between my teeth. I didn't even realize I was biting it.

His hands circle my hips, gripping lightly before pulling me down and I feel a rush of moisture between my legs. I'm terrified by the sensations and whisper his name but he ignores it and kisses me softly as if I might break. I want this, I want to lose myself in this man, give him everything of myself and I kiss him back, holding onto his arms while his tongue explores my mouth.

His hands are everywhere, on my hips, running up my legs and back and I rock against his thigh, the friction offering both relief and renewed urgency. He groans and rocks me again and I answer with a moan of my own when his teeth sink into my bottom lip.

Our intimate moment is interrupted by a woman's scream and shouting right below the window. Christian doesn't seem to care and instead grips me tighter and rocks me against his leg again. _Oh god, yes._ I don't care what's going on outside anymore either.

Grace's voice is growing more despondent and frantic but it's Elliot's bellow that finally gets him to move. It's just dusk but I can make out the figure of that guy Derek in the middle and I know it's going to get ugly if Christian doesn't show his face soon.

We rush out side and Christian calms everyone down while Derek says goodbye to a bewildered Grace. I want her to look at Christian's cut but he's disappeared. When he shows up a minute later with two glasses of wine in his hands he looks smug.

"Sweetheart let me take a look at it, why wouldn't you come and get me right away?"

"It's a cut and I'm 28 years old. Besides, Ana took care of me." He looks at me and winks and damn if I don't blush like crazy. I want nothing more than to go up to his room again and continue but this is his parent's house and I still don't know what it is he wants from me. The man can kiss though, I'll give him that much. She puts ointment on it and tells him to take it easy for a few hours, no pool, no football, no heavy lifting.

Going back inside would be awkward at this point, there's no reason other than to make out again so instead we opt to sit at one of the tables with Kate, Elliot, Mia and Ethan. He seems smitten and so does she but Elliot and Christian seem less than thrilled with the attention he's paying her. I put on my jacket when it gets chilly out and sit back down but it's just Christian and I now, everyone else is either making out or trying to.

"Kate told me that fucker quarterback called you and asked you out. How did he get your number?"

_Oh shit._ Freaking Kate again! "I have no idea, we didn't speak long enough for me to ask." I know he wants to know what I said but I'm new to this 'game' and I need answers. What is it that he wants from me? I quickly dispel the idea, game playing is probably the last thing I want in a relationship so I nix it and offer up the truth.

"I told him I couldn't go because I was going to be here with you." I'm so embarrassed but I force myself to look up at him and he's grinning from ear to ear.

"You did? Good." I neglect to tell him that he then asked if I could have dinner next Friday and even though I know Christian will be out of town and might never find out, I'm just not interested. Kate was furious which made it all worth it.

He takes my hand when Kate announces she's ready to head home. I'm hoping that he'll offer to bring me home so we can hang out longer but instead he explains that he and his brother are on clean up duty and are staying here for the night to help his mom. He walks me to the car and leans in without saying a word and brushes his lips against mine.

"I'm so very glad you came today, Anastasia. I'll see you in the morning for brunch?" I just shake my head yes and feel him smile against my lips. "Good night then sweet girl." And with a final kiss on my forehead he walks away but stands in the driveway watching us until we're out of sight.

Kate does her best to keep quiet on the ride home but halfway there she glances over with a satisfied look on her face. "I'm only going to say this. That kiss, that was _not_ 'just friends'." I'm smiling like a fool as I run my fingers over the lingering tingle on my lips. No, it sure wasn't.


	10. Chapter 10

**APOV**

I'm a ball of nerves as I walk into Americana for lunch. Ethan and Mia are joining us and I'm grateful for the extra company this morning. Everything seemed so clear last night but in the light of the morning the intent of his advances becomes less obvious. Elliot called and asked to move up meeting for an hour later, there were still things they needed to get done at their parents' house and that extra hour ratcheted my anxiety by tenfold.

The Grey's are already at the table when we arrive and my eyes lock with Christian's right away. Rising to greet me he kisses me on my cheek which only adds to my confusion. The party continued after we left and the three of them are obviously tired from helping until the early hours of the morning but Christian is still his attentive self and the doubt from earlier wanes as our meal progresses.

"Christian, I thought you weren't leaving for Tokyo until Tuesday, why tomorrow now?" _What?_ He's leaving tomorrow?

"I wasn't supposed to but an issue came up early this morning with a manufacturer I use in Malaysia so I'm stopping there first. I can't push off this Tokyo trip any further so I'll have to meet with the plant manager either before or after Japan and my intention is to get back here by Saturday for the dinner."

"You've_ got_ to be back for the Coping Together Event! Mom will be so upset if you miss it! And Ana and Kate will be there this year!" Mia's pout and whine compliment the way I'd like to act and I sit back to wait for his answer.

"I'm going to try, Mia. I don't want to miss it, especially this year." He glances at me and I smile shyly, is it because of me that he wants to go? "But these meetings were scheduled months ago and I can't back out of them now, there's almost a full year of work behind this deal."

She rolls her eyes and his face hardens instantly. He really doesn't like that. Mia turns to me, her guileless eyes sending me a hidden message that I can't read.

"Ana, please tell me you'll participate in the dance auction. Kate said she'd do it already and I'm going to be doing it as well as a bunch of my friends."

The intenseness of Christians stare makes me falter. I have no idea what she's talking about but the burn of my cheeks and the intenseness of his gaze immediately alarm me.

"What's a dance auction?"

"Oh my gosh, it's so fun. All the single girls go up on stage and the MC makes up these crazy stories about them and then the single guys bid on the girls for their first dance. Last year my friend Lilly raised $12k!"

Is she serious? Is this a joke? Men bidding on women for a dance? This is a joke, right? **Hells no** will I subject myself to that ridiculousness.

"Are you for real?" I do my best to hide my disbelief and she shakes her head excitedly, the prospect of adding me to this harem of girls has her bouncing in her seat.

"Mia, I'm sure it's fun for you and I'm happy to hear it makes money but I would be really uncomfortable doing that. I'm going to say no." Christian's face breaks out into a huge grin and I relax, clearly he didn't want me to do it and I feel immense pleasure at pleasing him.

"Ana, you have to! You'll make so much money for the organization! All of the single women do it!"

"Ana, it's not a big deal. It's actually pretty standard at these type of events because of the interaction it forces and the money it generates. The competitiveness raises the stakes. With that body and that face of yours, you could rake in the cash." Kate has officially sold me down the river. Ethan and Elliot are looking at me expectantly, Ethan doing his best to stop the smile playing on his mouth. I hate all of them right now.

I take a deep breath and try to think of the way things are in the world of riches that these people grew up in. Nope, it's still stupid and degrading in my opinion.

"Guys, I appreciate you wanting me involved and I'm flattered that you think I'd be…..sold….at a good amount of money but there is no way, absolutely no way in hell that I'm partaking in an event like that. None." I swallow hard and gear myself up for the next onslaught of begging and Mia doesn't disappoint.

"Just think of the money you"

"Mia! She said no, she's clearly uncomfortable with the idea and won't be doing it. Drop it!"

"But Christian! She's so pretty she could make so much money." Just hearing about it in those terms solidifies my rejection of the idea in its entirety.

"Enough, Mia. Not another word about it. She doesn't want to do it, she's not doing it. If you ask her again I'm going to be pissed so leave it alone."

My face is as crimson as it could get. I'm grateful for his backing on this but the force at which he shuts her down is alarming. He's no longer the doting older brother but has morphed into someone much more aggressive and domineering. I feel responsible for the arctic shift at the table and reach out to soothe Mia's feelings.

"Mia, I'm happy to write a check to contribute but I'm not at all comfortable with the auction. Please respect my decision. I'm really looking forward to the event and I don't want there to be discourse between us."

She smiles and kisses my cheek quickly. "None, no worries, Ana. I understand, it's fine, I promise."

A few moments later Christian takes advantage of an involved conversation within the table to lean over and ask me what my plans for the day are. I'd been managing just fine but having him so close makes me feel light headed and nervous so I shift away a few inches to collect myself.

"I have a Pilates class I'm teaching at 4p but other than that, nothing." Please please please ask me to go with you somewhere and kiss me like that again.

"Would you mind spending a few hours with me then? I'd like to see you alone before I leave. Maybe coffee at my apartment after we leave here? We could go by your place to get your workout gear and then I could drop you at the studio again. That gives us a solid two hours or so." _YES!_

The prospect of being alone with Christian for two hours at his home is exhilarating and I quickly agree. He looks pleased but pensive, not exactly the reaction I was going for. Nonetheless, when we're finished he stands and says goodbye, tossing another $100 onto the table. Ethan looks a bit confused but his siblings and Kate have spent enough time with him to know it's not up for discussion who pays when we're out.

"I'll see you all when I return. Ana?" He offers me his hand and I take it, surprising Kate and Ethan who quickly wave goodbye. He doesn't let it go while we walk out or to the quick walk to the car and instead of opening my door he turns me towards him and pulls me close, holding my enclosed hand behind my back.

His eyes are searching mine for approval but I don't know how much more forward I can make myself other than to scream, "Kiss me damn it!" When I make no move to get away he kisses me softly, pressing those sensual lips against my own. I open my mouth immediately, the desire for him to really kiss me taking over the prudish behavior I should be exhibiting, and he licks my tongue with his own before sucking my lip between his and nipping it gently.

After a minute of being suspended in time with this man he pulls back and kisses me quickly one last time.

"It was so hard not to do that the minute you walked in. You look beautiful today, Anastasia."

I swear to God I'm flying. I know I turn and get in the car and he closes the door, I know we went to my apartment and I hurriedly got my workout clothes and mat before getting back in the car but I couldn't tell you how I actually did any of it since I'm somewhere off in LaLa Land.

"You have your own parking area?" The building he lives in, Escala, is not new to me. I've seen it often and since it's _the_ place to live in city center Seattle, everyone knows it. I wasn't surprised at all to be pulling into the underground garage of this particular building but I _was_ surprised when he pulled into one of six spots, right by the elevators, all marked, "Reserved, Penthouse". All but two of the spots were taken, I recognize the AUDI SUV but there are also two AUDI 4's parked and now Christian's Spyder.

"Yes, those two cars are Taylors and Mrs. Jones' for their days off. You know the SUV." He opens my door and walks me to the elevator, punches in a code and the door opens immediately. He punches in another number, the doors close and we begin to ascend.

"Do you feel that?" he's standing across the lift from me, leaning against the wall with his hands tightly holding onto the rail. I don't need to ask what he's referring to.

"Yes."

The doors finally open into a vast lobby made of white marble. There's a huge flower arrangement against the right wall on a white table and 8X10 pictures of the Madonna and child in a straight line across the length of the walls. I immediately make the connection to his struggle with his birth mom and feel a pang of sadness for him._ I wonder if he's aware of why he chose these paintings._

The door opens and I try, very hard, to not let my jaw hit the floor. His place is huge, massive, in a word, a waste of space. It's as colorless as possible with white furniture and white walls. The artwork on the walls is of abstracts and even most of them are in black and white. I notice hardly any knickknacks or personal effects but knowing that this place is his, lends it a personality I can only describe as impersonal._ I don't like it. _It looks like a showroom, not a home and my eyes dart around looking for something, anything that reminds me of him.

He leads me to the kitchen which is a bit warmer, there are at least objects in here that signify that someone lives here, and offers me an espresso. I'd rather have a drink but after the cocktail party, I've determined to limit my alcohol consumption around him lest he thinks I'm a drunk. I ask for an iced tea and he gets two together and leads me to his great room. It's an extension of the first room we walked in but it at least has the view of Seattle front and center. The furniture in here is large and hardly used but I'm determined to be affable so after I've exclaimed my joy at seeing Seattle from this vantage point, I sit with my drink on the far end of the couch.

Christian sits in the middle and turns to me. His nerves are shot and it makes me very very nervous. Why is he nervous?

"Ana, I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night." He takes a shaky breath and runs his fingers through his hair again. I'm about to throw up I'm so anxious and his behavior is not helping at all.

"I've never had to have a conversation like this before, all of my previous….physical relationships have been held in a manner that made conversations like this unnecessary." He's literally tugging his hair so hard it's making me upset so I reach out and touch his arm to stop him. He freezes and slowly lowers his arm, his eyes wide.

"You're making me terribly nervous, Christian. Are you upset about what happened last night? Did you not like it?" Please don't be upset,_ it will crush me._

He scoffs, "Not like it? Ana, it was awesome. You have to know what you do to me." I must look confused because he continues quickly.

"I'm very much attracted to you and I think you're attracted to me." He waits until I nod my head yes and then continues. "I have….issues…things that I don't want to involve you in but if I pursue this with you, then they become your issues as well. I…I'm conflicted because I want you _so_ _much_ but I'm hesitant to do anything about it knowing what I'm dealing with."

"I don't understand, Christian, what issues are you talking about?" Is he crazy? Sick? Involved with someone else?

"Fuck, this is so stupid!" There goes that hand again, pulling his perfectly messed up hair with a vengeance. He stands and starts pacing until he stops in front of me and takes yet another deep breath.

"I don't know any other way to explain this other than to just say it so that's what I'm going to do. I've never spoken about this with anyone except my therapist so I'm asking that you keep this to yourself, no matter what decision you make about us in the future. I also ask that you not hate me, that would kill me, Ana."

"You're freaking me out, Christian! Did you kill someone? Are you involved with drugs or illegal stuff? What is going on?"

Another freaking deep breath.

"I've been involved in a sexual lifestyle my entire life, well, since I started having sex. It's…unconventional and not one I expect you to know about but it's the reason I've never had a girlfriend and the reason I thought I never would."

An unconventional sexual lifestyle. The air is slowly being leaked out of my lungs as the weight of his words fall on my shoulders. "Explain, please."

"Have you ever heard of BDSM?"

Holy shit, no he didn't just ask me that. Oh my god.

"Do you mean like whips and chains and things like that?" I'm whispering, it's all I can manage right now but I have to answer him.

"There's more to it than that but yes, those things are part of it."

"Oh."

He raises his eyebrows and sits again, turned towards me. I'm staring at the floor totally unsure of what I'm supposed to be contributing here.

"I've never known anything else with regards to sex and relationships with women. I've never been interested in anything else…until now. I'd been working with my therapist for years to help me figure out and deal with my….issues and proclivities but there was never a real reason for me to be doing so. Until now."

"Why now?"

"Because of you. I want to be with you and what I want with you and what I've known don't mix. I'm confused because there is nothing in the more harsh aspects of the lifestyle that I want to do with you. But there are other things…that I…_shit!_" He closes his eyes and refocuses them on me when he opens them again. "There are other things that I very much want to do. With you."

I should feel flattered I guess but instead I feel afraid. I only know what I've seen in movies or heard from jokes casually tossed around. There is no chance I'm subjecting myself to whips and chains and imprisonment. I back up slightly and his face falls, the gesture sending him the wrong message.

"Christian, I have no idea what you want me to say or do right now. This is so totally out of my awareness and my own…..sexual experience if you will, that I am completely clueless."

"Tell me you don't hate me, tell me you're not disgusted with me, that you're not upset with me." He's pleading, inching closer and closer until our knees are touching. His eyes are desperate and sad but I can't offer anything more than a weak shrug.

"I don't hate you and I don't think you're disgusting. I don't know anything about your past or what you've done and I don't know jack shit about BDSM. I guess I don't know enough about how you've lived to decide if I'm upset." Now _I_ take a deep breath. "I guess I'm mostly surprised and thrown off kilter."

"What do you want to know?"

"I guess I'd like to know what you want from me. Do you want this….lifestyle you keep referring to? Or are you looking for something different? Where do we stand? What are we doing?" I'm trying so hard to not sound desperate, I want this with him so much but the shit he's throwing at me right now is confusing and not at all what I expected to be talking about.

"Ana, I have never, and I'm being sincere, never, felt anything for anyone the way I feel for you. When I first saw you that night in your apartment, I definitely wanted to make you my submissive but as I've gotten to know you and have spent time with you, my…feelings…have evolved past that. I want to be with you in every sense of the word. You're sweet, smart, funny, caring, kind, charismatic, gentle, nice and good and I'm just fifty shades of fucked up. You deserve someone who isn't such a fuck up and I'm trying, diligently, to be that someone. It would destroy me if my shit dragged you down, I'd never forgive myself."

I am so confused right now. My head is spinning and I'm getting angry. _What the hell does he want?_

"Let me try to clarify. You like me, you're attracted to me and you want to date me. Normally. But you also want to include aspects of your current lifestyle of BDSM and you want to hold off on being with me until you figure out exactly why you are the way you are because you're afraid you're going to mess us up and in the long run, mess me up."

He's quiet and his eyes are huge. "Yes, that's pretty much it. There are other things I need to work through but overall, you've nailed it. You never cease to amaze me, Ana."

I have no time to respond though before he lunges at me, wrapping his hand in my hair and kissing me with a ferociousness I've only ever seen in the movies. Startled as I am my body can't help but respond to his and I kiss him back even as he pulls me down so that I'm lying on the couch while he hovers above me. He only slows long enough to allow us each a breath and pulls back to give me a smile before he kisses me again, slower and gentler this time.

"I don't know what you're doing to me, Ana. You've changed everything and you haven't even tried." His gentle kisses are more disarming than the demanding ones and I melt into him, my hands running up his arms and around his neck holding him to me. He groans and pushes his hips against me, the hardness of his erection digging into my belly. _Oh my._

We do this for what feels like hours but in reality I know it's only a few minutes. I want to touch him everywhere but I can only hold his arms, the muscles shifting when he pulls me closer. His hand slides from my neck to my shoulder and down my arm, stopping to grab my hip before inching down to the exposed skin of my knee. The burn of his skin on mine is welcomed against the cool breeze I feel when he lifts my leg and runs that heat up the outside of my thigh and up to my bare hip. I moan into his mouth when he reaches around and cups my ass and I grind up into him, needing the friction of his body between my legs.

"You are so sexy, Ana. You have no idea what you do to me." He's breathing hard and fast and pushing his erection against me at a slow pace and while my body encourages him, my mind starts to race. He's never said where we stand now, just what he wants in the long run. Can you really ask him to give up something he enjoys for you? How can you expect to hold him when you've never even had sex? How many women has there been? How did he get involved?

I'm about to pull away to try to get some clarity when he jerks himself away from me, his eyes wide and fearful.

"What is this, Ana?" His hand is knotted in my hair, pulling my head to his and I know exactly what he's talking about. "Is this a scar? From what? Did someone do this to you?"

I'm unfocused and caught off guard, my silence enraging him as he sits and runs his hands through his hair. "Who? Who hurt you? Who did this to you?"

"It was a long time ago, Christian and it's long since been taken care of. It's over. I don't want to talk about it so please calm down." I'm still on my back, my skirt hiked up on one side and my heart beating wildly. The exposure embarrasses me and I pull my skirt down and shift to sit, tucking my legs beneath me. His eyes haven't left mine but he says nothing more.

"I should go, I've got to get to the studio and open up." I stand, my legs shaky and as I walk I'm aware of the uncomfortable wet feeling between my legs. I stumble to where I sat my bag and walk to the elevator but he's followed me, his blank look echoing what's going on in my mind.

"Ana, I'm sorry. I…I can't stand the thought of someone hurting you, please, don't go."

"I need to leave now anyway. If you don't mind I'll change here and you can drop me off after?" I give him the smallest of smiles and he sighs before showing me the bathroom off of the kitchen. When I come out he rises from the chair he was sitting on and looks me up and down, an appreciative smile on his lips.

"You look good in everything but I've got to say, the yoga look is definitely your best. Come on, we don't want you to be late." He rings for the elevator and it opens immediately. The atmosphere inside does nothing to calm the storm in my mind and I'm not surprised at all when he pushes me up against the wall and kisses me again, this time palming my ass in his hands and pulling me hard against him.

"One day, Ana, I will fuck you in this elevator." My eyes are as wide as saucers and he grins before continuing. "And the one at GEH, don't think I haven't noticed how you avoid riding it with me." When the elevator pings he pulls me to the car and stands back to watch me get in.

"What?" I ask when he's still smiling after driving for a few minutes.

"Your ass is perfection."

"Christian!" I laugh and smack his arm, he rubs it like it hurt but he's grinning when we pull into the studio parking lot.

"You're sure your friend Heather can drive you home?" I nod yes and he turns to me and takes my face in his hands. "I want this to become something, Ana. More than anything I've ever wanted anything I want this to work, but I've got to get my shit sorted out first. I can't be what you deserve right now but I'm working diligently to get there."

I have no words to give to him, my mind is swirling with questions and visions that overwhelm me so I lean up and kiss him softly one last time before I open my door.

"Be safe in Tokyo, Christian. Thank you for trusting me today." Then I turn to walk inside but at the very last minute, I turn and blow him a kiss. He smiles, a genuine Christian Grey panty busting smile.

* * *

**CPOV**

I vaguely remember shoving things in garbage bags while Mia went on and on about how hot Ethan Kavanagh was. Ana went home in the same car with him, to the same apartment he's now sleeping in. There seemed to be no history between them outside of friendship but I'm paralyzed with the fear that at some point, he's been with her.

I've always had the need to possess; companies, money, power, control but I have never felt the compulsion to 'own' another person. By default my family is 'mine' and I help them when I can but I don't want to 'own' them. Outside of Elena I don't have friends and have zero desire to 'own' her. My submissives were 'mine' for the time our contract was active but I hardly ever thought about them outside of the weekends they were in my home and even then I felt no proprietary ownership of them. I had never given their previous or future sexual partners a second thought, it had never occurred to me to do so but with Ana, I find that I'm obsessed with the men with whom she's given herself to. Was Ethan Kavanagh one of them?

Sitting here, in the dark quiet of my childhood bedroom, my mind runs with visuals of her with other men and I think up every scenario I can to claim her as mine and only mine. I want to possess her, body, mind, soul and spirit. I want to meet every one of her needs, be her beginning and her end, make her fully dependent on me and me alone. I have given nothing of myself away to the women I've fucked but with Ana, I want to give it all.

To feel her body against mine and to have her want me inflamed me more than any submissive, more than any spanking, more than any caning or whipping or fucking I've ever experienced. It was a game changer, a glimpse of what Ana and I could have together, of how amazing we would be. If I wanted her before, I _need_ her now.

I can still taste her, still feel the brush of her hair against my hands when I pulled her close. The feel of her mouth, the sound of her little moans and _god_ the heat between her legs. It was like a sirens call, drawing me to the promised land. I tried to not kiss her, I tried to control myself, I've spent the better part of 13 years teaching myself control but with Ana, I literally can't. Even now, sitting on the edge of this bed I can't help but think about how soft her skin was or the way the sun brought out the gold flecks in her eyes.

When the sun begins to rise I call Flynn and demand an emergency session. 7am on a Sunday alarmed him enough so that he agreed to meet me at his office at 10. After a quick breakfast with my family I make an excuse about work and head out, Elliot promising to push off brunch for an hour so that I can deal with the 'work' issue and not miss out. Has he always tried this hard to be a good brother? Am I just now noticing?

* * *

There are so many thoughts running through my head and so many questions I want answered that I don't know where to start so I just lay out the last 24 hours for him, from the house tour and my confession about my birth mother to the kiss. Why did I tell her so much? Why did I _want_ to?

"So, you kissed her, like a normal man and a normal woman in a normal setting. No bondage, no contracts, no limits."

"Yes."

"And how was it?"

I can't help the smile that creeps over my face. "Amazing. Perfect. Confusing. It terrified me and turned me on and made me feel settled and confused the fuck out of me all at the same time." A long moment passes before he begins to speak.

"What you felt was a connection, Christian. You have done all manners of sexual acts with numerous different women but you have never been_ intimate_ with any of them."

The asshole lays his pen down and steeples his fingers, tapping one on his mouth while he squints and assesses me.

"Christian, you have been coming here for eight years, correct? You have told me everything that is wrong with you, everything that has happened to you and everything you were currently involved in. What you have never told me, no matter how many times I've prodded you, was what you wanted out of these sessions, perhaps you didn't know. What is your goal in coming here now?"

I hate him, I'd like nothing more than to punch that smirk right off of his face and ship his ass back to England. The bullshit is, he's right, I've been coming here and hashing and rehashing the same shit over and over but what for? Just to be rid of nightmares? Because I felt an obligation to my parents? I have no idea why I've been coming here in the past, but I do now.

"I'm here now because I want to be worthy of her. I want to be able to tell her about my sick shit in the past tense and offer her a future with me devoid of secrets." I'm pacing the room furiously pulling at my hair but the truth is so obvious that it stares me in the face. "Fuck it! I'm afraid of taking the person that she is and twisting her all up and having her resent me and then being the one to ruin her."

"So ultimately you want a relationship with Anastasia that you deem as healthy for her and in the current lifestyle that you've _chosen_ you don't feel it's in her best interest to be with you right now? Is that correct?"

"You keep saying that I chose this. This is who I am! I'm a sadist, how can I just shut that off?"

He throws up his hands in frustration and exclaims, "You are not a sadist! You have related to and have therefore _chosen_ a sexual lifestyle that offers you control and pleasure on your terms. You were introduced to the lifestyle at an impressionable age when your own sexuality was still developing and then manipulated into believing that it was the only way you could ever be with a woman."

And we're back to Elena. No matter how many times I've explained to him how she helped me it always comes back to this. He plows on completely unaffected by my silent animosity for him.

"Let me ask you this, if Ana wanted to be tied up, would you do it?"

"Fuck yes."

"And if she asked you to use toys on her, for pleasure, not pain?"

There are few things more embarrassing for a man than getting a boner while in the presence of another man but try as I might, the images of her in these scenarios is doing just that.

"I'd do anything she asked of me."

"Now imagine her with welts across her back and bottom because of a cane. What do you feel now?"

"Anger, sadness, disgust."

"And her crying because you hurt her, even if it was a 'punishment' she deserved?"

"I couldn't handle it, I have no desire to hurt her in anyway. The thought is abhorrent to me." I would kill someone who hurt her.

"Then you are not a sadist. Furthermore, you are in love. Whether you choose to admit it or not, you have already chosen between Ana and the lifestyle you're accustomed to." I stare at him in disbelief. Did he just tell me I was in love? Is he fucking crazy? I have paid this man close to a million dollars over the last few years and he boils it down to a decision I have 'already made' and then tells me I'm in love. He's the one who needs therapy.

"I can't love her, John. I'm not capable."

He laughs right in my face but I'm so caught off guard that all I can do is stare at him.

"Christian, I have been doing this same song and dance with you for almost eight years. Before me there were countless other therapists and none of us have been able in 20 something years to get you to where you are now. Ana did that. In two weeks. You, my friend, are in love. And that's a wonderful thing."

I still don't believe him but see no point in arguing.

"So what do I do?"

"You love her. You _choose_ to not hurt her, you _choose_ to close that chapter of your life. You work through the reasons you became involved in the lifestyle and you face the reality that you were molested as a young boy and handed a slew of issues that have followed you for 13 years now. You choose to be with Ana or you choose to continue doing what you've been doing with women who want it."

I feel repulsed, physically repulsed by the mention of me and another woman. Now that I've met Ana, there is no other woman for me.

"If it were that easy, I'd have done it already." I'm standing on a precipice. One side is the life I've always known, the other the life I never knew I wanted. So close and still so far away.

"You've already done it. You've decided that you can't hurt Ana. If you want her in your life, than the heavier aspects of BDSM don't fit. You've already chosen her, you've said it numerous times today and even before today. Does the loss of the punishments or the pain side of BDSM upset you? Do you feel like giving up the total control that it affords you is worth the gain of Anastasia in your life?"

I think very carefully at what I'm feeling. Do I feel a loss? No. Am I upset or panicked? No. Having Ana in my life is worth the trade off ten fold and I realize that Flynn is right. I've already made the decision to do what it takes. That shit has to go and unbelievably enough, I _want_ it to go. It excites me.

"Thanks, John." I stand and go but not before I see the surprise on his face. In six years, I've yet to thank him until today.

* * *

"It was bullshit of you to bail this morning. Mia and I just finished helping an hour ago. What the fuck man, I thought you were turning a corner or something."

"I told you, I had to get something done before I left tomorrow and it couldn't wait. I sent three guys over from my maintenance crew to help! What more do you want me to do?" I'm watching the door to the restaurant waiting for Ana, Kate and Ethan to arrive.

Before Mia can jump in she spots Ethan and we rise to greet them. Ana is the last one in and she smiles shyly at me. She looks sweet, demure even in her short skirt and jean jacket with _fuck me_ another white tank top. I'd love nothing more than to kiss her full on the mouth but with everyone watching and knowing what I need to talk to her about, I keep it simple and kiss her cheek. It leaves me unsatisfied and longing for more.

I had forgotten about the first dance auction until Mia brought it up and for a few seconds I almost blew up but when I saw Ana's face, I could see she was appalled. I'd never really thought about it but the idea_ is_ quite antiquated and, well, stupid. Mia keeps on pressing her but my girl, she doesn't back down. _That's right baby, nobody bids on you._ I step in when she starts getting hounded by Kate, if anyone can convince her it's that one but I know every fucker in there would be betting on her and while I'm going to do my best to get back in time, the reality is, I probably won't.

I've had enough of lunch and the company at this table. I want Ana and I want her to myself. We started something last night and I have every intention of seeing it through but she deserves to know the truth about me from the start. My stomach twists as we stand to go, she has no idea what I'm about to lay on her.

She holds my hand when we leave and the contact leaves me wanting more, I want to feel her body against mine, convince myself that she's real and not imaginary, not too good to be true. When I turn her towards me she doesn't hesitate like she did last night, she looks at me and wills me to kiss her so I do. _Magic. Again._ She fits perfectly in my arms, her tiny frame bending to my will. I could kiss her all day but it seems wrong to keep pulling her in when I'm about to drop a bomb on her so I tuck her into the car and take her to Escala.

The electric pull to her intensifies once we're in the elevator and I keep my distance, gripping the rail to stop myself from attacking her. I'm taking her in, memorizing every inch of her frame and her gorgeous face as the floor numbers rise. Once I open this world of mine to her, she may never want to see me again. The thought pains me.

When she walks in I stand back and take it in, her in my space. Anastasia in my home, walking on my floor and drinking out of my glass, looking out of my window and sitting on my couch. She slips off her sandals and lays her jacket over the breakfast stool._ Oh shit, look at her breasts in that shirt._

I've sat with presidents and royalty, I've argued with Saudi Princes and played golf with foreign diplomats but I have never in my life been as anxious as I am right now. I don't know where to begin, there's so much to tell. _Maybe you should have thought about this before you brought her up here._

_Just start with last night, just fucking talk, she's going to freak out if you don't stop with this bullshit._

"Ana, I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night." She's nervous about what I have to say. _She should be. _

"I've never had to have a conversation like this before, all of my previous….physical relationships have been held in a manner that made conversations like this unnecessary." I'm terrified, fucking terrified of her reaction until she reaches out and touches me, the shock of her touch calming the storm inside of me.

"You're making me terribly nervous, Christian. Are you upset about what happened last night? Did you not like it?" What? Not like it? Is she kidding me? I jerked off twice thinking about it! She has no idea of the effect she has on me.

I'm tripping over my words as I try to choose them carefully but I'm still floundering, bumbling through a quick sugar coated explanation that barely touches the heart of the matter.

"I've been involved in a sexual lifestyle my entire life, well, since I started having sex. It's…unconventional and not one I expect you to know about but it's the reason I've never had a girlfriend and the reason I thought I never would." Her eyes are focused on mine, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. _That tank top is killing me._

I try to explain BDSM in the most mundane terms possible but even toned down I can see her discomfort. _Tell her it all, really rock her world!_ Her voice is barely a whisper and her eyes are downcast but she's still sitting here and I am amazed at how calm she's being. I trudge on, explaining the relationships I've had while trying to explain what I want now.

"Why now?"

"Because of you." _Simply put, Ms. Steele, you have become my reason for living._ I have to be honest and I am, telling her that there are aspects of the lifestyle that I want to have with her and the confusion grows on her face, unease spreading through me like wildfire. _She thinks you only want her for sex now you asshole._ I backtrack in an attempt to clarify that I like her and that I want to be with her and she's taking it all in, uncertainty and shock marring her face.

She cuts through the bull shit and lays out the gist of this conversation in two sentences. Two sentences and she's nailed it. She knows and she's still here. I want her, desperately and when she bites on that lip again, I lose all control as so often happens around her, and pounce.

She responds immediately, opening her mouth to mine with a groan that goes straight to my dick. In one quick move I've pulled her close and lain her body beneath mine. So sweet, so so sweet. Her unrestrained hands run the length of my arms and I involuntarily tense but then they touch my face and my need for her ignites into something I can't control. I have to touch her, have to feel her and make her mine. Her legs are like silk, the smooth skin of her ass begging me to grab and caress it. I can feel that damp heat pressed against the tip of my dick and I grind against it looking for some much needed friction. _Oh god, yes. _She grinds back and my fingers trail up to the tiny strip of fabric running across her hip while my other hand tangles in her hair.

_What the fuck is this?_ I run my fingers over a two inch raised scar on the back of her head and pull away, my eyes searching hers for an answer. _What is this?_ I freak out, reacting without thinking and all that does is shut her down and scare her. When she gets up to leave I panic,_ she can't leave like this_, I have to make this right. My mind is spinning at a hundred miles an hour. _Who did that to her?_

I temporarily control the rage that's building inside of me and salvage the afternoon, doing my best to lighten the mood and draw her back to me. I'm counting the minutes before I can call Welch to pull her medical records but she distracts me the minute she walks out of the bathroom.

_Fuck me, yoga pants again._ She looks hot as shit in her little, and I do mean little, work out gear. I have a sudden urge to take up Pilates, private classes of course. The mood has lifted along with my cock and in the elevator, all I can think about is grabbing her ass again and getting those sweet lips back on mine.

"One day, Ana, I will fuck you in this elevator." The words are out before I can filter them but I don't give a flying fuck right now and instead press her against the wall and grab those perfectly round cheeks roughly, pulling her body tightly into mine. I want to possess her, and soon I will.

I dread saying goodbye to her especially knowing that she'll most likely be attending the Coping Together Event without me and that dick face will be there. But as unhappy as I am about our parting, I can't wait to see her walk away from this car so that I can get a good look at that ass again._ Oh yea, just as good as I remember. _A thousand dirty thoughts are playing in my head as I watch her walk into the building and then she turns and blows me a kiss.

This innocent gesture shared by millions of people every day has never been bestowed upon me and when she does it a surge of affection rushes through me, emotions I've never experienced before rushing to the surface but all I can do is smile dumbly back at her. _She blew me a kiss._

* * *

"Sir, we have news about Jack Hyde." Taylor is waiting for me in the foyer of Grey House when I walk in after dropping off Ana. I'm happy with the way we left things but I'm also afraid that given the amount of time she has to think about what I said that she'll back pedal. I plan to inundate her at the office in the hopes that she'll be too distracted to dwell on my revelations.

"He's been sent on assignment to Houston for the next two weeks, there's an author's forum that he'll be attending. Sawyer also hasn't had any sightings of him around Ana or her apartment since your threat to him last week."

I've had Luke Sawyer, a new member of my security team, assigned to watch Ana from a safe distance specifically because of Hyde. Knowing her constant whereabouts is just a nice byproduct of his work.

"I feel like the immediate threat has been downgraded though I'm not ready to take him off of our watch list. With him out of Seattle and his apparent withdrawal from her life, I feel like we can move this particular threat from probable to unlikely."

"I'm not taking away her protection, Taylor. Next Monday the acquisition of SIP will be completed and then I'm firing his ass the minute he returns from wherever the fuck you said he was."

"Agreed, sir. She's been seen with you too many times for her to be left unprotected. Even with the press reporting that she's a business associate we've seen an uptick on online searches about her and we've noticed a few photographers waiting outside of the Grey House building on the days that she's here. My suggestion is to keep Sawyer on her for the time being and when you return, one of us alerting her to her need for protection and moving him to close protection." He coughs and continues. "I'm aware that as of now your….relationship is private but eventually the press is going to want more and I'd like to be prepared for offence instead of playing defense."

Good man, he's read my mind. Once the press figures out that little Ms. Anastasia Steele is of an interest to me, she'll be relentlessly pursued and I want someone in place to protect her from the sleaze.

"Has Barney made any headway with his home computer?" We've long since hacked into the SIP mainframe but Hyde's computer showed nothing of interest, a small comfort to me. Updating their security is going to be my number two priority when we take over. Firing Jack Hyde will be number one.

"He hasn't. The system Hyde uses is extremely sophisticated and has thousands of IP addresses weaved together to form an almost impossible tracking system. It's worrisome."

"Tell Welch I want any and all tools at his disposal utilized to gain access into that computer. I also want him to pull me Anastasia's medical records."

Taylor studies me carefully. This is new ground for us, what I want and what I'm asking of two of my staff is not only illegal but it's ethically wrong. But the truth of the matter is I don't give a fuck. I want to know what happened, when, and who. If someone hurt her, they are going to pay.

* * *

Normally I work on long flights, I have an office on board along with access to all of my online files. Not being able to take phone calls affords me uninterrupted work time, something that is impossible otherwise. This flight though, I'm reading Tolkien's 'The Hobbit'. Natalia, the online stewardess, has twice now asked if I would like a beverage but what she's really asking is if I'd like to fuck her in the onboard bedroom. _Not a chance, sweetheart. I've only got one set of legs I want walking in that room and yours aren't it._

I take a break from reading to set the scene I eventually want with Ana back there. I've never brought anyone outside of family or business associates on this plane but since meeting her, I've spent an inordinate amount of time figuring out ways to fuck her on every possible surface in my office, my home, my car, her apartment, the Pilates studio and now the jet. Up against the wall. Ah yes, that's how I want to fuck her here, against the wall and then I want to dismiss the crew and have her ride me in this very seat.

Ros's hoarse voice rudely pulls me out of my sexual stupor. "The Hobbit?"

"I haven't read it since the 10th grade. Someone mentioned it the other day and I wanted to reacquaint myself with it." _Shut up, now._

Her lips quirk up and she tries hard to suppress the smile that's formulating. "Hmmm. I don't know that I've ever seen you read anything other than work shit."

The look I'm throwing her way is a direct challenge to keep going. _I dare you._ She backs down and closes her eyes after putting in her ear buds but she doesn't go as far as wiping the smirk from her face.


	11. Chapter 11

**CPOV**

Malaysia was a total waste of my time and the plant manager who should have dealt with his incompetent staff is verbally flayed before I board the plane for Tokyo. I could have avoided this side trip altogether which meant I would have been able to spend Monday in my office with Ana. I _might_ have been able to convince her to have dinner with me and therefore would have been able to keep working on building this…_relationship_ we're starting.

Tokyo is glaring and obnoxious as usual. I have no idea how anyone lives here with the constant noise and glare of the ever present lights. The company we're acquiring and subsequently merging with another one of my subsidiaries is happy to have us here. There are still some details that need to be ironed out, mainly which upper management stays and which ones are redundant so each company courts us while we're here with over the top dinners and shows in between meetings and calls. All of the pomp is pointless, I already know what I'm going to do, I always do. That's why I'm in the mother fucking CEO.

I hate this type of shit, ass kissing isn't my forte as I prefer directness and persistence but I play along and offer obligatory conversations where necessary. Ros is in her element and I let her take the helm while we're here, happy to let her deal with the barrage of bullshit thrown our way.

I've spoken to Ana daily, sometimes more than once, and each time I feel a connection to her that I can't explain even though she's thousands of miles away. Her songlike voice gets me hot and horny but also seeps right into my brain and blankets me in a calm that I've never known. I'm left unsatisfied with just phone calls and for now, this has to be it but when I get back she'll be getting the latest computers and cell phones so that we can have video chats. I have to be able to see her whenever I want to.

Taylor is in my hotel room on Thursday morning, briefing me on the security details I need to know about and I am furious. I have at least three days left here and I feel the little control I had over my temper ebbing away with each minute that ticks by. I want to be back in Seattle with Ana's body pressed against mine, not in a $19k a night suite alone.

"Has a background check been done on this schmuck? How long have they known each other? Were they alone for long? Was he in the apartment or did he pick her up? Was Ms. Kavanagh there as well?" My nails are creating little crescent moons on my palms but the pain centers me and keeps me sharp. I smell competition and I. Am. Not. Happy.

"Sir, from what Sawyer could gather from his position, Mr. Rodriguez entered the apartment building at approximately 7pm and exited the apartment at approximately 10pm that same evening. I've ordered a full background check run on him but from the intel we can gather, covertly of course, we've determined that he and Ms. Steele have been friends for five years now and have never been linked romantically. I can't account for Ms. Kavanaghs whereabouts since there is no current surveillance on her."

"Not good enough, I want her apartment bugged, cameras and everything. If she's in there with a man alone, I want to ensure her safety." At least, that's what I tell myself but I'm not a fool and neither is Taylor. I want to make sure no one's taking what's mine.

"Sir, I urge you to rethink that directive. By all accounts Ms. Steele and Mr. Rodriguez's friendship has never been anything more than that and bugging her apartment would include breaking and entering as well as unlawful surveillance, stalking and harassment."

Well, fuck, I know that already. What I don't know is if Jose Rodriguez is touching what's mine. I've pushed and pushed to get these meetings and negotiations over with but we're still on schedule despite my aggressiveness. I'm already going out of my mind at the idea of her alone at the Coping Together event with Matt fucking Ryan and now I've got this shit to deal with.

"I want any future contact between the two of them closely monitored. If he's alone in the apartment with her, I want someone right outside the door. When it comes to her safety, there are to be no fuck ups."

"Sir."

The minute he walks out the door I drop to the floor and do pushups until my arms are burning and my lungs are on fire. The usual outlets for my tension, a hard fuck or a spar with Claude Bastille aren't available to me. I re-shower and get dressed but the damage is done and I take out my frustrations on anyone in my path.

When I arrive in my room later that night Taylor does his customary sweep before retiring for the evening. I've been anxious to speak to Ana all day and find out what happened between she and Jose. It's close to 11pm here which means it's nearly 7am Seattle time. She'll be up, I know she has an early call with a contact in the Taiwan office so after I shower and order room service I pick up my phone.

"Hello, Christian." Her voice alone is like a balm to my frenzied mind and I smile like an idiot.

"Good morning, Anastasia. I trust you had a nice evening?" Let's see how much digging I need to do to get the answers that I want. She has no idea Sawyer is watching her so I can't show her my hand but I need the reassurance that there is nothing going on with this Jose guy.

"I did, a friend came over and we had dinner and watched Anchorman for the hundredth time. What did you do all day?" Dinner and a movie. No.

"That sounds like a date. Did you cook?" If she cooked for this asshole I'm going to blow my top.

"Of course! We did an easy mushroom ravioli with pesto sauce and goat cheese. So good. Are you eating lots of sushi?"

We. She said we. Not I made, not he made, we. I have zero interest in talking about what I'm eating or what I'm doing during my days here.

"Was Kate there?"

She pauses and I'm pretty sure she finally gets what I'm going after. Her words are slower and careful now, she knows she's playing with fire.

"No, she and Elliot went out to dinner. I invited her since she's good friends with Jose as well but Elliot was introducing her to some of his friends and she couldn't back out. Are you ok, Christian?"

The buzzing in my ears is growing louder as I come to terms with MY Ana, alone, cooking and watching a movie, with a man who is not me.

"Christian?" she sounds pensive and _baby, you should be_. _I'm about to go thermonuclear on you._

Room service is ringing the bell but I'm no longer hungry. I'm angry and tense with no way to release it. A verbal assault on Ana won't get me anywhere so I shut down on her and rush off the phone before I lash out.

"I need to go, my dinner is here. Have a good day, Ana. Send me an email with bullet points on the Taiwan call and cc Ros." I hear her begin to respond but I cut the call short, anything she says now will only piss me off more.

Taylor is in the hallway and gives me the nod to let me know that the waitress and trolley have passed his scan. Once the door shuts behind her she turns and faces me, her eyes zeroing in on mine. In one swift move she removes the hotel issued uniform leaving her naked except for her heels and only five feet away.

"Compliments of Mr. Yaoh, sir."

This isn't new to me, a lot of businesses use high end escorts to 'relax' their clients and this scenario has been put in front of me more times than I care to count. I'm not stupid enough to have ever used one of these women, I have iron clad control and I'm not one to give my competitors a leg up but this one, this one has come along at just the right time. I'm pissed, I'm losing control and I'm horny as fuck.

The problem though, is I'm not horny for _her_. There's only one woman who I want to have sex with right now and she's in Seattle, driving me crazy.

"Get your fucking clothes on and get the fuck out. Tell Mr. Yaoh that if he wants to do business with me, he'll never pull a bullshit stunt like this again." She's not used to being rejected and moves slowly, almost as if she can't believe it. I've turned away to take the dinner plate but she remains undressed, standing with her clothes by her side.

"Sir, it is for free and is confidential. I would never reveal what happens in this room."

"I said to get the fuck out and that is exactly what I meant. I'm in a relationship." A small thrill runs through me when I use that word and suddenly I have to get her out of here NOW. I can't run the risk of someone using this as a way to keep Ana away from me. "Out, get out! You can get dressed in the hall, just get out!"

She stumbles as she walks towards the door and pulls the dress over her head before exiting. I want so badly to call Anastasia and tell her what just happened but relationship virgin or not, I know that's a stupid move. Instead I call her back and apologize for my hanging up on her and then launch into the day to day activities of my time here in Japan.

It takes all of four minutes before she brings up Jose Rodriguez again but her words ease my mind and excite my body.

"Christian, I think I know why you were so angry before. Maybe I'm wrong and if I am, I'm sorry but if it had anything to do with Jose being here, then I want to say something to you about that. Is that why you were so angry?"

"Yes. I don't like the idea of you unprotected, Ana. You have no sense of self-preservation!"

"Christian, Jose and I have been friends for five years, only ever friends. There has never ever been even a moment where I've thought we could be more than that. I've never even considered it. I'm only interested in one man right now and he's in Japan. So in the meantime, I'm having friends over for dinner and movies and I'm passing time the best I can. Got it?"

My face hurts, it's splitting in two from this surely goofy grin on it.

"Got it, Ms. Steele. Thank you, you've made my night."

* * *

**APOV**

"Ana! Oh my God you look amazing!" I like Mia, I do, but sometimes she is just _so loud._

"Hi Mia, thank you, you look great yourself." The entire front half of the tent is now looking this way. So much for being a wallflower tonight.

"Please tell me you've changed your mind about the auction. You just _have_ to do it!"

"No, I haven't changed my mind and no, I'm not going to do it." She's relentless. Four times this week she sent me emails begging me to reconsider and even sent me a spreadsheet yesterday on the amount of money the auction has raised for the organization over the last four years. $238,450. My answer is still no. It'll be a cold day in hell before I agree to auction myself off in the name of charity.

"It's too bad Christian couldn't make it back, my mom said he would be in the air by now but he won't get back until tomorrow morning."

I know all of this already, when we spoke earlier today he expressed his annoyance at not being able to speed up things in Japan but according to his text four hours ago, they'd finally finished the deal and he and Ros were boarding the plane back. I place my clutch on the table and look at my phone again.

**-Stay with my family, since you have no sense of self preservation, I've assigned them to watch you. I'll see you at brunch-**

I've spent the week mulling over our conversation from last Sunday and while I'm sure he meant to give me some insight into his life, all he's done is create questions that I want answered. I did a quick online search of BDSM and quickly shut my computer off, what I was reading did nothing to calm the quiet panic that has rooted itself in the back of my mind.

Nothing I read has changed the fundamental desire I have for Christian though. If anything, this past week has magnified the enormous place he's come to occupy in my life. I spent my days as I did before meeting him; working, working out, visiting with friends, and reading but it still felt like I was missing something because I was. Him.

I debated coming tonight once I knew he would definitely not be here but the draw to be near his family, and by extension, him, was too strong so I kept my hair appointment and put on the beaded silver and silk evening gown Kate was letting me borrow. She and Elliot would be getting ready here so I was on my own to get here until Christian called to tell me that a limo was outside to bring me and that the same limo would be waiting to take me home when I was ready.

The driver introduced himself as nothing more than 'Sawyer' and informed me that he would be doubling as my protection for the night. I must have looked confused because he simply said, "Mr. Grey's orders" and began to drive.

In the back of the limo was a cold root beer, a Reeces cup, an envelope and a note.

_**Dear Ms. Steele,**_

_**Stick with the root beer, less of a hangover in the morning. **_  
_**Please hand the envelope to my mother; it is my bid for your first dance since you refused the auction. **_  
_**A decision, I must say that sits quite well with me. **_  
_**I look forward to seeing you, not hung over, at our place for brunch tomorrow.**_

_**Christian**_

I read the note four times on the ride over and left him a voice mail, promising to stay sober and to maintain my refusal for the ridiculous auction. Sawyer is the first 'personal protection' I've ever had so I have no idea if he's doing his job or not, all I know is that he's shadowed me since we got here, occasionally speaking into his sleeve and sweeping the room every few minutes.

What exactly do I need protection from?

"Anastasia! Grace and I are so pleased that you were able to come tonight. You look lovely!" Carrick gives me a kiss on the cheek and I return the gesture. He's beaming when he looks up to see Grace heading our way.

"Ana! You look beautiful, it's too bad Christian couldn't make it back, I'm sure he's beside himself on the plane." She looks radiant and twenty years younger than her 59 years in an off the shoulder mint green gown.

"Thank you so much, you look gorgeous." I look around the elaborate tent, trimmed with hundreds of flowers and candles with a live band at one end and a table overflowing with expensive items up for silent auction at the other end. "I'm so grateful that you put me with your family, I hope I didn't kick anyone out of their spot!"

"Nonsense! There's always room for Christian's friend! Has anyone offered you a drink yet?"

"Oh, yes, I've got a vodka tonic right here. Before I forget, Christian asked that I give this to you in lieu of my participation in the dance auction. I'm sorry for my refusal but I'm so uncomfortable with the attention." I hand her the envelope and she slips it open as she laughs.

"No worries, dear. I would never want you to do anything that you weren't comfortable with. Oh my!" She's looking at what I now know is a check with a sticky note attached to it. I don't know what the note says but I can clearly see the number 2 with six zeros after it. Her eyes fill with tears and she looks at me like I'm the prodigal son but says nothing.

Kate and Elliot arrive at the table and he hands me a glass of water before kissing me hello. "Compliments of my brother." We both roll our eyes but neither of us can keep from laughing. "I see you've met your protection." He waves at Sawyer who nods and does another sweep of the tent.

"Yea, what's that about anyway?"

"Seriously, Steele? It's a spy in the disguise of 'protection'. He can't be here to see who talks to you so he's got someone reporting it all back to him, play by play." She's whispering and I'm hoping to god that no one heard her. Is she right? Is this all just to spy on me?

A number of business associates that I've met over the last few weeks come over to say hello and ask about Christian. Mia has reappeared with a few of her friends, all of them looking me up and down in a way that reminds me of high school and makes me want to disappear.

"Ana, these are some of my friends. They're all doing the auction. Lilly here made the most ever last year with $12k!" Lilly looks like she's chewing on a wasp, her big brown eyes looking at me like I'm scum before Grace comes to my rescue.

"Well, that is until this year. Christian sent two million dollars in for Ana's first dance! Isn't that amazing girls!" Lilly's mouth drops open and I fight the urge to push it shut. Must have been her father who won the bid, no one else would want anything to do with her. Wait, did she just say he gave two million dollars for the dance?

"Oh." Is all I can say. Oh? Oh, Ana? That's all you've got for a two million dollar payout to not dance with anyone!

I'm rescued by the MC who announces that dinner will be served shortly. Mia's friends glide over to their own table and she sits down next to me while Kate takes the seat on my other side.

"Two million dollars, Ana?" she leans over to whisper, disgust evident in her voice.

"Are you actually going to go up there, Kate?"

"Mmmhmm. I can't wait to see what Elliot will spend. He's got it, not like Christian but he's not hurting, that's for sure." This entire conversation is so strange to me, the wealthy will never make sense to me so I look forward and eat my salad in silence.

* * *

"Ana?" The rest of the table is off either dancing or socializing with the exception of Mia and Grandpa Trevelyan. I've been listening to him reciting memories of his grandkids as children, soaking up every little bit of insight I can get into Christian's life.

"Oh, Hi Matt. How are you?" He leans down to kiss my cheek and gestures to me.

"Wow, you look amazing. I wasn't sure you'd be here. You look stunning." I see Sawyer out of the corner of my eye speak into his sleeve and take a few steps towards us but the scowl I shoot him stops him in his tracks. _He is here to spy!_

"Thank you, you look very nice as well. Are you here with your teammates?"

"May I?" He pulls out Kate's abandoned chair and before I can say yes Mia jumps in and waves him down, clucking about getting herself one of his jerseys now that he's a Sea Hawk. He's gracious and offers to sign it for her and it's just enough attention that she sits back down pleased and satisfied for the moment.

"A few of us are here at the behest of our manager. Anything associated with the Grey family is a priority for the Hawks but Grace went to school with our GM so this particular charity is not one to miss if you want to stay in his good graces."

"How has it been, getting to know your new teammates and settling in to Seattle?"

We talk for a half hour or so, chatting about everything from the team to the places I've visited. He doesn't bring up Christian once, never even asks where he is which I find odd. He's nice, easy to talk to and funny, not at all the threat he was painted out to be and I relax until I see Sawyer standing less than 10 feet behind him.

The Grey's are making their way back to the table for both the first dance auction and the results of the silent auction so Matt stands and politely greets the family before turning back to me.

"Will you be participating in the dance?"

"Um, no."

"That's too bad, I was hoping to win." His dimples are really cute and he is _very_ nice but I know that dancing with him would cause a major problem for Christian so I let him down as gently as I can.

"I'm not much of a dancer, you won't see me out there tonight!" I'm relieved when he leaves if for no other reason than that Sawyer moves back to the wall. Seriously, that shit has to stop.

When the auctions end and everyone is milling about I stand to go to the bathroom. Lilly only brought in $6k this year, her daddy must not be here. Before I can take four steps Sawyer is there, clearing a path for me so I grab his arm and turn him to face me, moving us over to the side.

"Hi. I know you're being paid to do a job and I appreciate that you're doing it well but I'm getting creeped out. I'm going to the bathroom, right over there. You can wait here. Unless Freddy Krueger is waiting in the toilet, I'll be fine."

"Yes, Ma'am." Oh for Christ's sake.

"Sawyer, I'm 22. Ana is fine."

I've just come out of the deluxe port a john, _who knew those existed_, when I hear her voice. Someone may as well have dumped a bucket of cold eels on my head, the disgust I feel is akin to what that must feel like.

"Hello Anastasia."

"Elena." I turn to go but she blocks my way, the move so well calculated that I now know she was waiting to corner me.

"I notice Christian isn't here tonight and yet, here you are, sitting with his family. How very…cozy." I say nothing because honestly, what is there to say?

"Look, we don't need to do this. You're not my biggest fan and frankly, you give me the creeps so if you don't mind, we can bypass the niceties and move on with our night." I try again to get past her but she's made it so that in order to pass her, I'd need to physically touch her. I'd rather not thankyouverymuch.

"The innocent look works for you. I can't for the life of me figure out how you learned about his weakness but I must say, you fit it to a T. So is it corporate espionage or are you just after his personal wealth?" _His weakness? Espionage?_

"OK, I've been polite, I've tried to remain calm but I really think you need to be evaluated by a professional. Get out of my way."

"Or what? You'll call Christian? Or maybe call for your security? Tell me, has he fucked you yet? Made you call him master? Or are you playing hard to get? A little advise, our Christian doesn't like to be told no so whatever your game is, get moving on it. A man like him isn't going to chase after a mousy thing like yourself for long."

"Get the fuck away from me you freak." Where the fuck is Sawyer?

She takes a step forward and lowers her voice.

"You took money right out of my pocket when you went to him directly. That pisses me off. You have nothing to offer him that he hasn't already had so go find some other man to leech off of."

I've hit my limit and good manners or not I push her out of the way and she stumbles in her six inch stilettos. I have no idea if she actually fell or not because I'm already standing in front of Sawyer, hand on my hip, eyes blazing and voice trembling.

"Where were you!?" He looks at me confused. I guess he would be, I did tell him to leave me alone and now I'm chastising him for….leaving me alone. "Ugh. Keep that woman," I turn and point to a now scowling Elena, "away from me."

"Did she harm you?" Sawyer is beginning to trek over to her while he talks into his sleeve again, pausing just in front of her shocked form. I turn and sit down at the table and a few minutes later hear my phone buzzing in my bag. It's Christian. I hit ignore and shut it off before I have a nervous breakdown.

The rest of the evening passes in relative calm, Elena has disappeared and Matt Ryan has gotten the hint. He's not hurting for attention, that's for sure. I've counted no less than five girls dancing with him throughout the night, one of them being Lilly. _I should warn him._

* * *

The ride home from the event last night was interesting. I asked Sawyer, after I demanded that he allow me to drive up front with him, what happened with Elena. He just smiled and kept driving so I played the part of annoying nagging woman until he relented. I'm pretty sure he has a little sister because as soon as I started whining, he spilled it all like drunken hooker.

"Mr. Grey was informed that there had been an altercation between the two of you and asked that I remove her immediately and then see that you weren't affected in any way. He tried calling you himself but he was unable to gain access to you." No shit. I turned my phone off and still haven't turned it back on.

There were five messages on the house line and four of them were from Christian. One was from Kate looking for me because Christian had called her and couldn't get a hold of me. I assured her I was home, fine and in bed and told her I'd see her for brunch. I needed a good night's sleep because after a week away and the altercation from last night, I plan to look damn good in the morning.

* * *

I'm not nervous when Elliot picks me up for brunch, I figure outside of Christian admitting that he and that dragon slept together, I already know the worst. I'm holding onto the slim hope that I'm wrong about that but I know better.

"Whoa, you're out for blood this morning, huh?" Kate looks appreciatively at my super fitted sleeveless sheath dress and knee high stiletto boots. I've left my hair down and wild. I'm a novice at seduction but I have zero doubt Christian will like this look. I've agreed to attend an early afternoon fundraiser for one of GEH's subsidiaries under the directive that I'll need to be at the studio to teach my 4pm class. I had tried to find a substitute but after last night, I'm glad to have a reason to cut today short. I have every intention of asking about dragon lady and I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to cut out once I do.

Christian is there when we arrive and the sight of him alone at the table dulls my anger, he's pensive and looks at me and me alone. _My god he's hot._

"Hello, Ana." I'm mad at him for the bodyguard, I'm mad at him for Elena, and if I'm really honest with myself, I'm mad that he didn't show up last night. But the minute he touches me and says my name I care about one thing; Christian Grey is hugging _me_ and happy to see _me._

"Hi, Christian. I missed you last night." He looks surprised and in a stunning moment of clarity I see him not as a big time CEO or the sexiest man alive but as a scared and lonely little boy who doesn't see his own value. It pains me to my core.

"You did?"

"Yes, we all did but some of us more than others." I give him a grin and sit down while he shakes Elliot's hand and kisses Kate hello.

"I've ordered the usual for all of us, Ana and I have the fundraiser to get to. I hope you don't mind." He's speaking to the whole table but his eyes are only for me.

* * *

It feels strange to be alone with him after a week apart. He gives me a smile and reaches over to squeeze my knee.

"Don't over think it, Ana."

"Well, Christian, actually I'm going to." He's surprised by my response. _I bet nobody challenges him._

"A bodyguard? At your parents' house? Do you think I'm weak?"

"No."

"Stupid?"

"No."

"Dependent?"

"No."

"Then don't hire people, without my approval, who send me those messages."

"Ana, Sawyer was hired to keep you safe from men like Jack Hyde. He also was hired to make sure you got to and from the event safely since your track record for drinking to excess isn't exactly stellar."

I cannot believe him. _**And wait a hot minute!**_

"When did you hire Sawyer?" His silence is all I need to know. "That's why you were so angry about Jose, you already knew he'd been to visit me, you just couldn't tell me that you knew. Holy fucking shit, Christian!"

He's pulled over into the parking lot of some record store and turns to face me. _Tread lightly, grey eyes because you are about to meet my inner bitch._

"Anastasia, you were being stalked. He was calling you and pursuing you aggressively and his behavior was escalating. It would have been the height of stupidity to not have someone maintaining your protection. You may think you're capable of fending off an attack by a full grown man but I can assure you that you are not. If something had happened to you after knowing what was going on with him, I'd never forgive myself."

"Pull him off of me. I won't be followed and I certainly won't have someone reporting my every move to you or to anyone else. End his employment now, here's your phone." The muscles in his jaw are hard and round, ticking away with his heartbeat.

"No." I gasp at his audacity and pinch the bridge of my nose. "As long as there are men like Hyde around, Sawyer will be around. You can fight me all you want but that's the way it's going to be."

"Christian! We're not even together! I don't even know _what_ we are, which is a whole other conversation for a later date but what right do you have to hire someone to report to you my movements?"

The wheels in his head are turning and he sits for a full on minute before answering me.

"I like you, Ana. I want to be with you and I want you to be with me which is a goal I'm actively pursuing. Your well-being and your safety are priorities to me, little else matters." _Well that tells me everything and nothing._

"We're going to be late if you don't start driving."

"I don't give a fuck. I'll start driving when you acquiesce to protection and drop your petulant attitude."

_**WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?**_

"Take me home." His eyes are wide and filled with what appears to be wonder. He's crazy! Absolutely crazy!

"We said we'd attend the fundraiser, you're going there, not home." He begins to drive and I silently cheer. Score one for women everywhere! I got him to do what I wanted, I win! I win! My pride is short lived however; we still need to talk about Jose. And dragon.

"While we're discussing your own stalker issues," the irony of him protecting me from a stalker is not lost on me, "I want to talk about my friendship with Jose."

"Now? You want to do this now? We're five minutes away."

"Well, I don't want to talk about it as much as say something. Jose is like family to me. I have no siblings, half a mother and two cousins whom I barely see. My father lives over two hours away. I have known him since the first day of college and not once in the last five years has he ever been inappropriate nor has he made any advances on me. He is one of my best friends, right up there with Kate and I'm going to see him for dinner occasionally. If you can't handle that, then I don't know what else to tell you. I have no interest in him outside of our friendship, which I've never had to defend before and I don't plan on doing every time we hang out together."

"He's a guy, Ana. He wants in your panties. They all do."

"So do you, Christian. Should I be leery of you then?" His answer shocks me, actually jolts me in my seat.

"Yes. You should. You should run as far from me as you can but you won't because you know as well as I do that you and I are meant to be together. I'll give this Jose character the benefit of the doubt but the second he fucks up, I'm going to lay him out."

"I should run from you?" my voice is sad and low, he's saying the very same thing I'm feeling. We've arrived at the conservatory and the valet opens our doors, all but ending the conversation. A new surge of confusion washes over me but I've got no time to think about it. Our hosts are on their way over, champagne in hand. I happily take the flute and drink it all with my eyes locked on his, daring him to protest.

"Mr. Grey, Anastasia, we're so glad you could make it! Ana, you looked radiant at the event last night, just stunning. You should have been there, Mr. Grey, she could barely fend off all of the men lined up to dance with her."

His eyebrows peak up and that finger begins to rub across his lips again. I had forgotten just how good looking he was. When they walk away he takes my arm and drags me to the side of the building ignoring the small group of people who are waiting to speak with him and pushes me hard against the brick, boxing me in with his hands flat on either side of my head.

"What are they talking about, Anastasia? What dances? Who touched you?" His growl should scare me but it turns me on instantly.

"I didn't dance with anyone except your Dad and your grandfather. Yes, I was asked but I knew you'd be furious so I declined even though, I'd like to remind you, you don't own me, not even after a two million dollar donation. The only person who touched me last night, was Elena."

His head snaps back but he doesn't move.

"Elena touched you?"

"Well, no, technically I touched her when I pushed her to get her away from me."

It's hard to think when he's this close and pulling his alpha male routine. I hate that it turns me on but the moisture in my panties is hard to ignore.

"You pushed her?"

"I had to! She had me cornered." I can't take another second of this and I grab his hips and pull him against me, tipping up my face for him to kiss. Instead of the demanding harshness of our last kiss, this one is searing, burning me from the inside out.

I run my tongue along the seam of his mouth and he groans, opening enough for me to claim him, pushing my lips into his and touching my tongue to his until he breaks free and peppers my jaw with small kisses, making his way to my collarbone. He licks it, one long wet lick from the hollow of my neck up to my shoulder before he stops and pulls back.

"You have no idea how much I want you, no idea what you do to me. If we don't stop, I'm going to take you against this wall right now and then I_ will_ own you."

I give him a shy smile and a small shake of my head.

"No one but me will ever own me, Mr. Grey. Capito?"

He smiles back and shakes his head in answer to mine.

"We'll see, Ms. Steele. You should know that I never back down from a challenge."

* * *

**CPOV**

"I don't care if you need to physically remove her, get her the fuck away from Ana!" If I was any more pissed, I'd be on fire. Sawyer has been keeping me abreast on Ana's movements all week and tonight is no exception. I wasn't happy when he reported Matt fucking Ryan was sitting at the table chatting her up but that fury is nothing compared to what I'm feeling now.

Elena wasn't even on my radar for this event, it didn't even occur to me that she'd be there alone with Anastasia. I thought I'd made it perfectly clear that she was to stay away from her but I should have known better, Elena doesn't take orders from anyone.

Taylor knocks on the office door to remind me that phones are not allowed on the plane but I don't give a flying fuck. For $53 million dollars you'd think they could work around that issue, I have to know what's going on right now.

By midnight Ana is home and my blood pressure has returned to normal. Sawyer insists that she's fine, a bit animated but otherwise fine so I finish off my brandy and try to sleep a bit.

We land a few hours later and I've got just enough time to go to Escala and shower before meeting for brunch. I'm looking forward to seeing my girl and to spending some time with her at the garden fundraiser today. Usually I rsvp a quick fuck no to these type of events but Ana insisted that we go to show our support and what my girl wants, my girl gets. I believe this is what's referred to as pussy whipped, except in this case, there is no pussy. Yet.

She is smoking hot in that dress and damn if those boots don't scream 'fuck me'. I'm momentarily thrown off when she greets me sweetly, I was expecting her to rip into me about last night but yet again, Anastasia surprises me. The calm she exudes during brunch is quickly replaced with anger and I don't stand a chance when she starts in on me about Sawyer.

Until she demands that I fire him. That would be a huge fuck no. If she thinks having him around is an inconvenience, wait until word gets out that we're together. I won't need someone to report her whereabouts to me then, the paparazzi will take care of that for me.

I'm willing to give Jose the benefit of the doubt for no other reason than that I don't want to fight about it with her. Admittedly it does say something that for five years he hasn't made an attempt at being with her. Maybe he's gay.

I hide my own personal warning in our conversation as well as I can but it doesn't go unheard. I watch her face fall, that sweet bottom lip getting sucked between her teeth and a shiver of fear runs though my gut. I've done a good job at hiding who I was all of these years but I can't hide from her. Better she hears it all from me instead of a tabloid or fucking Elena.

I'm impressed with the control I've been able to exert over myself during our conversations about Sawyer and Jose. I don't feel like we accomplished anything but I was able to control the beast inside who wanted to thrash about and scream like a maniac. So when Arielle Covington mentions Ana dancing with men at the Coping Together event, I'm completely blindsided. Where the fuck was Sawyer?

The minute I can get away with it I corner her, trap her in with my body so she has nowhere to go and no way to avoid my eyes. The tension that was ebbing away once she explained that she only danced with my family immediately returns with a vengeance when she tosses out that Elena touched her. Elena. Touched. Ana. Elena touched Ana. No. No. No. No.

"Well, no, technically I touched her when I pushed her to get her away from me."

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around Ana pushing off the 'vile creature' as she so aptly named Elena when I feel her hands pull at my waist and then a flood of lust flows through me as her tongue traces my mouth. _Yes, this is exactly what I need right now. Oh fuck can this woman kiss._ Her lithe little body molds perfectly to mine and I'm thisclose to lifting up her dress and taking her against the wall but I reign myself in. One last lick of that collarbone that's been taunting me all afternoon and I pull away, discreetly adjusting the tent in my pants before we rejoin the party. _Soon, I need to fuck her soon._

I watch in awe as she mingles with the crowd, charming men and women alike with her wit and kindness. I stand in amazement of her as she carries on a conversation with an art buyer from Moscow. I can tell by his expression that he's impressed with her grasp of his native language and before I know it she's walking him over to Arielle to help him purchase one of her garden sculptures. I'm still trying to tamper down the hard on I've got from listening to her speak Russian when she drops the bomb.

"Christian," she takes a sip of her cranberry spritzer and smiles sweetly at me. _Oh shit._ "Who is Elena to you?"

My gut drops to my feet and the dread I've been carrying around comes to the surface, drying my mouth and thickening my throat. Her look gives nothing away but I know that she knows. She may not know the extent, but she knows enough. _Fuck._

"That's a conversation to have privately, I'm not really even sure where to start."_ Get me out of here, now._

"Start with, when was the last time you and she…slept together." _Oh my god._

"Over seven years ago." I quickly decide that I will only answer her questions, I won't elaborate or expound on them until we're alone in a controlled environment because I know she's going to go postal when I tell her the true nature of mine and Elena's relationship.

"Seven years ago. So you were 21. Which means she was how old?" _Shit!_

"40."

"I think we should go." I couldn't agree more.

We say nothing in the car, she stares out the window but I can feel the disappointment radiating off of her. My mind races with plausible explanations to soften the blow but the truth is, there is no way to make this any less terrible than it already is.

"Escala?"

"Fine. You'll have Taylor take me to my class?"

"Or I can take you."

"Right." She looks out the window the entire drive back.

Mrs. Jones is home by the time we get into the penthouse and I have never been more grateful for her presence than I am right now. I introduce them and as much as I'm not looking forward to this conversation, the look on Gail's face when I introduced Anastasia as 'my friend' was almost worth the anxiety. Gail has met a few of my submissives but I've only ever introduced them in the most formal of terms. 'Mrs. Jones, this is Ms. Lawrence.' She and Ana chat for a few minutes while I stand by, useless in the face of female interaction and fascinated with the way Ana can relate to everyone on a personal level.

"Will you be having dinner here, Mr. Grey?"

"No, I'll be going to my parents tonight. Thank you, Mrs. Jones. I'll see you in the morning." Once she shuts the door to her quarters I reach into the duffel bag on the breakfast stool and turn to her.

"I brought you something back from Japan." Maybe this will help. Every woman I have ever known has wanted me to buy her things, the more expensive the better. I enjoy watching her study the solid jade chopstick set, the way her fingers run over the pure gold letters makes the giving that much better.

"Your jealousy of all things sushi while I was there inspired this gift. Each set has a Japanese Proverb inscribed in gold."

"They're beautiful, thank you so much for thinking of me." She looks surprised and touched. I'm beaming.

"Can I get you a drink? Iced tea? I had Mrs. Jones make it unsweetened for you."

"That sounds great, thank you." I use the minute it takes to get her drink to gather my wits. This is going to be bad, I know it.

"Can we drink these on the balcony?" Perfect, I can throw myself over the side when you walk away from me in disgust. I've been out here a total of two times since I moved in but Mrs. Jones keeps it pristine anyway. I sit down and she sits opposite of me, a small drink table between us. Her boots are distracting so I look ahead and through the glass wall at the view of Seattle. This is not the time for an erection.

"Why are you still friends with her? Are you friends with all of your…exes?" So much for easing into it.

"I'm a silent partner in her salon business. She owns the Esclava salons and spas which I helped her to finance. I don't have exes, Ana. She was never a girlfriend, neither was anyone else."

"How does a 21 year old wind up in the bed of a 40 year old? How long were you two…sleeping together?" Here we go. I take a deep breath and a sip of my iced tea.

"Elena and I were sleeping together for six years." Her eyes all but bug out of her head, the green as dark as moss and filled with disgust.

"If you last slept with her at 21 and you were sleeping with her for six years, then you were 15 when you started? And she was 34?" I run my hands in my hair, this is just the beginning of the ugliness.

"Yes."

"Christian are you going to be forthcoming at all or are you going to make me ask every question?" She's pissed and way too smart for me.

"When I was 15 I did some yard work for her over the summer. She seduced me on the second day and it was she who taught me about BDSM and the lifestyle that comes along with it." Her hand flies to her mouth in disbelief at my revelation but she presses on, the color drained from her face.

"A 34 year old woman seduced a 15 year old boy and taught him a sexual lifestyle based on an unfair balance of power? That's not seduction, Christian, that's molestation. She's a pedophile and you're a victim. Oh my god." It's Flynn all over again.

"No, it wasn't like that, Ana. I was out of control, drinking, fighting, disrespectful, failing in school, you name it. I hadn't let anyone touch me in 11 years and I was desperate for affection but had no way of getting it until she came along. She taught me how to control my emotions and my actions by using sex as an incentive. She made being touched, in a controlled and safe environment tolerable. Within weeks I was getting good grades, I'd stopped fighting and drinking, I was doing well. She helped me, Ana."

"No, she didn't, Christian! You mean to tell me that if you had gone to Grace and told her that you needed affection and wanted help in finding a way to attain it that she would have denied you? Or your dad? Did Elena encourage that or just tell you to take your clothes off? She used you, abused you and controlled you! And she's still in your life!"

I'd never thought about asking my parents for help, I was so convinced that I was a colossal disappointment that I wanted to avoid anything that they might interpret as weakness. Did Elena ever encourage communication with my parents? No, actually, just the opposite is true.

"Wait, how did you meet her?" This just gets better and better.

"She and my mother are friends." She jumps up and paces the balcony, her hands covering her mouth until she swings around and looks at me.

"Your mother doesn't know?"

"Of course not!"

"So the woman who molested you is still friends with your mother? Oh my god, Christian! Do you see how fucked up that is?" I'd never thought about it in regards to my mother and I answer slowly as a sick feeling spreads throughout my body.

"Yes, I do now. I had never thought about it."

"You really think what she did was ok? That in no way was it a detriment to your life? Before you answer, I want you to imagine that it was Mia at 15 and the man who seduced her was 34. We'll leave out the violent and unbalanced sexual lifestyle for now."

"It's not about violence."

"Answer the question."

"It wasn't like that, I was out of control and she totally changed that. BDSM is not about violence."

"No, you had the tools to do it yourself, she just manipulated and used you. Now answer the question." Fuck! I don't want to talk about this. "If it were Mia, how would you feel about what happened?" Untold minutes tick by but she just stands there waiting for my answer while I try to justify what Elena and I did.

"I'd be pissed as hell, yes it was wrong, yes it was a detriment! Is that what you're after, Ana? I mean, fuck!" I go inside and shut myself in my office. Of the many fantasies I'd had of coming home from my trip to reunite with Anastasia, this was not on the list. In the many years of therapy since Elena and I ended things I had never thought about what we did as much as I had today.

I have no idea how long I'm in there staring out the window at the street below but a small knock on the door pulls me out of my isolation.

"Christian?"

_Oh come on._ She's back in those fucking yoga pants again but thank god for small miracles, her shirt is loose and hides a bit of her frame. I say nothing and she walks towards me slowly until she's standing next to my desk, her hand resting lightly on top of the polished walnut.

"My girlfriend is downstairs to bring me to class, I didn't think you'd want to take me right now and I don't know how to get in touch with Taylor. I'm sorry for the way the afternoon went, it wasn't my intention to upset you but your revelation was a shock to me. I just wanted to come in here before I left and make sure that you know it's not you whom my disgust is for. That woman is a master manipulator, a fraud and a worst of all, a pedophile. You were a victim whether you choose to see it that way or not."

She moves a step closer and her soft hand strokes my cheek, the ball of emotion lodged in my throat threatening to burst.

"You're a good man, Christian Grey." The tenderness of her touch coupled with her softly spoken words cut right through me. I stand still and say nothing, I can't. If I open my mouth I will cry for the first time in 19 years.

When she turns to go I reach my hand out towards her but her back is turned and she shuts the door behind her and I'm alone once again.

* * *

*Capito translates into 'got it' or 'understand' in Italian


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors note: I've got to say thanks again to the reviewers, it is so nice to read your feed back and I appreciate the time you take to leave it. I try to respond to them all unless it's a guest or you're not logged in, then I can't since FF doesn't allow me to so thank you to the 'guest' reviewers as well!**

**Also, a link to the pinterest page for this story: FSSAS/fifty-shades-slow-and-steady/**

**APOV**

Ho-ly shit. I did _not_ see that coming. Christian Grey is a victim of a sexual predator and he not only still has her in his life but he _defends_ what she did. I have been sitting on this lounge chair on this beautiful balcony overlooking a gorgeous view of Seattle for over an hour but the ugliness of his revelation strikes at me again and again.

The master of his universe and CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation is defending a child molester because she has fucked his head up so badly that he thinks she helped him._ Holy fucking shit._ No wonder he hasn't had any healthy relationships, his own mother died because getting high was more important than taking care of her small child and a grown woman taught him that love was for idiots and that the only way to be with someone was to control and dominate them.

This is so far beyond my meager abilities and yet he's entrusted this to me. I have little doubt that no one, outside of this Flynn shrink he claims to see, knows about what's happened to him. Why did he tell me? What does he expect me to do with this? How can I ever be in the same room with her again?

As the minutes drag on and Christian doesn't reappear it's my own actions that I begin to question. Instead of listening and supporting him I threw a deluge of questions at him, demanding answers that he wasn't prepared to give. _He probably hates you right now._ I clean our glasses and change for class but another 20 minutes goes by before I work up enough courage to knock on the office door. My strong, domineering, controlling, aggressive, protective, charming man is staring out the window with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped. My heart aches for him in his self-imposed solitude._ She did this to him._

He says nothing when he sees me but watches me approach, letting me touch his cheek and I swear he sighs and leans into my hand. I want to embrace him and love the hurt out of him but he's silent and withdrawn. _He thinks you're disgusted with him._ I can only tell him that he's not to blame and that he has nothing to feel ashamed about. He needs to know that I know he's a good man but the cold stare of his eyes don't soften or change and I turn to go, my tears threatening to spill over until I climb into the waiting car.

* * *

"Three minute hover, go." This is the last place I want to be right now. I want to be with Christian while he works through the barrage of questions I so insensitively hurled at him. When the timer goes off it startles me. The mental image of him alone in that huge apartment claws at my heart and I debate whether or not I should call him or go back unannounced. He shouldn't be alone, he's been alone too long already.

I push myself and my class to the limit, forcing my advanced Pilates class to preform to professional standards so that I can work out the anger that has seeped into my psyche. I vacillate for two hours on what I should do and ultimately opt to go home. He told Mrs. Jones that he was going to his parents' house tonight but I send him a text anyway in the hopes that he'll call me.

**I meant what I said, Christian. You are a good man and I'm so grateful you're in my life.**

As the hours go by I check my phone hundreds of times but there's no response.

* * *

Walking into Grey House on Monday morning is more nerve wracking than walking into brunch yesterday. Taylor is there as usual to greet me and escort me upstairs and I study his face in the elevator. _Does he know?_

"Is Christian in his office?"

"He's in meetings all morning, Ms. Steele." In other words, don't knock on his door.

I'm dressed in an echo of my mood, black dress, black heels, black jewelry. Somber and distressed. Barney is waiting for me in my office when I walk in and busies himself with teaching me about my new iPhone and MacBook with the latest video chat technology.

"Why all the new gadgets, Barney? What I have now works just fine."

"Mr. Grey wanted you to have the newest equipment. This phone isn't even available in stores yet, you've got one of nine that have been distributed, Mr. Grey has another." Who the hell cares? Does it make and receive calls? Great.

"Who's got the other seven?"

"No idea, probably developers and upper management at Apple. I'm on the waiting list for mine but I've got almost two months before it's out." Boys and their toys, I just don't get it.

The morning drags on and no matter how many times I go towards his office to 'get coffee' or check up with Andrea, his door is always closed. She offers to let me in twice since those are her instructions from Christian should I ever want him but I know better. If he wanted to see me, he'd have come to me by now. I know Taylor told him I had arrived and I know he knows I've gone out for coffee already since freaking Sawyer was in the lobby and followed me to Starbucks.

**Hi, I'm getting something to eat, can I pick you up anything?**

**-No thanks, I'm fine.-**

My heart drops at the formality and the dismissiveness of his text but a few minutes later as I'm standing in line at the deli I hear a ping and my heart jumps back to life.

**-I'm in a lunch meeting but I'll come by when I'm finished.-**

I race back to the office just in case his meeting ends early. I'd hate to not be there when he finally comes by but it's another two hours before he strolls in and shuts the door. The stubble dusting his jaw and chin along with the tiredness surrounding his eyes speaks to a long night. Even now he looks exhausted and distracted with his suit jacket off, tie loosened and sleeves rolled up. Tired or not, the man is gorgeous and I stare unashamedly at the beautiful broken man in front of me.

I force myself to remain in my chair, his body language isn't screaming 'come touch me' so I don't and instead he sits down across from my desk and leans his elbows on his knees, running his hands through that perfect just fucked hair. I haven't moved at all, I'm not even sure I've blinked yet. I say nothing, I move nothing, I don't even breath until he starts to speak and even then I'm as still as I can be, afraid that he'll stop talking if I do anything to draw attention to myself.

"I'm sorry for shutting down on you yesterday." Those piercing grey eyes fixate on mine and hold me captive. His hands hang limply between his legs, his elbows still on his knees, his entire demeanor weary and cautious.

"I'm sorry for jumping on you the way I did. I should have been more sensitive, I was just completely thrown off. Please, please forgive me, Christian. You've done nothing to warrant feeling like the bad guy here."

"Ana, I _am_ the bad guy. I have done things with women that would probably terrify and disgust you. I had never thought about my…introduction to sex in the way that you painted it. I had always seen myself as an equal to her, a horny teenage kid with a really cool secret and when you called me a victim it floored me. I've never seen myself that way and frankly it pissed me off to have you see me as weak."

"Christian! I do not think you were weak, being a victim does not make you weak. It makes you a victim." He rests his head in his hands again and I go to him, pulling the chair next to his closer and resisting the urge to touch him. _I know all about being a victim._

"Ana, I have spent years in therapy, YEARS and I have never once done anything but defend Elena's actions but when you put Mia in my place it rocked me. Disgusted me, angered me and opened my eyes to something I had never thought about." He looks up at me then and the anguish behind those stormy greys is palpable. "I've allowed her to be in my parent's home, at their dinner table, attending functions and lunches with my mother after what we did. I'm sick!"

"No, no,_ no, **no,**_ you are not sick, Christian. You've been manipulated for years by someone you trusted as your friend._ She's_ the sick one, not you. You have to believe me when I say that." I can't resist comforting this man anymore so I reach out and lay my hand on his forearm, lightly squeezing it to reassure him but a knock on the door rudely intrudes and he jumps up and walks towards the door swinging it open.

"Uh, hello, Mr. Grey. I uh, I'm here to see if Ana's got the bullet points from her call on Friday."

"She'll email them to you Mr. Mendelson." He growls at the man in the doorway before turning back to me and shutting the door again. "Another one." He mumbles under his breath before standing in front of me and leaning against my desk with his arms crossed.

"Christian," I start but he interrupts me.

"Ana, you barely know me, you have no idea some of the twisted shit I've done, the things that I wanted in my life. I'm never going to be good enough for someone like you."

"How can you say that?"

"Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up and you're not. You deserve someone who can give you hearts and flowers and who doesn't bring a truckload of bullshit along with them. Everything about you is good and right and I have nothing to offer you other than darkness and angst. I like you, Ana. A lot. Enough to want what's best for you and I'm not it." He pushes himself up from the desk and squares his shoulders defiantly, meeting my stunned look straight on.

"We'll continue to work together and I'd like for us to continue being friends but whatever it is that we started last weekend, it has to end before you get hurt. It would crush me to be the one to hurt you, Ana."

I want to tell him that he's hurting me right now by not giving me a chance to be with him. I may not know all of his secrets, I may not have a firm grasp on what his lifestyle encompasses but I do know that I want Christian Grey in a way I've never wanted a man before and his refusal of me is shredding the tiny bit of self-esteem I've worked so hard to gather. Well, fuck him then._ Maybe this is just his way of shoving you off, he's probably gotten sick of you already, you knew you couldn't hold a man like him for long!_ What an idiot I was.

"I don't know what to say to you, Christian. If that's what you want, then fine. I'll cc you the points that I've pulled from the latest addendum and we'll touch base at the meeting on Wednesday. Are there any specifics you need answered, I'll be speaking with the plant manager today?"

He's shocked and obviously a bit hurt by my quick dismissal but what the hell does he want me to do? You dump something so huge and shocking on my lap and then pull away? I don't get it! Why tell me? The same question that has plagued me since he offered to stay and babysit that first night rears up again; _what does he want from me?_

His eyes grow a bit larger when I open the door and I inwardly laugh, I'm kicking him out of what is technically his office. He walks slowly but leaves, turning to face me when he's in the hallway. I want so badly to slam the door right in his face but I won't because I know that underneath that bullshit he just threw at me is a guy who really was victimized and still hasn't come to terms with it. She continues to control him, even after all these years.

He sighs. "Ana, I don't want to upset you. That's not my intention."

I sigh back, resting my head on the cool wood of the door and closing my eyes. "I know, but you did. I'm speaking with the Chinese at 7pm so if you have anything to add before then, just email me please." I offer him a small smile and close the door.

* * *

**CPOV**

"Darling! How wonderful to hear from you!"

"Elena, why did you approach Anastasia on Saturday night after I told you to stay away from her?" I'm disgusted with myself for calling her but I need to be angry at someone right now and she's the perfect candidate.

"Of course she ran back and reported to you. Christian, do you really think a girl like that is going to want to be a part of your lifestyle? Have you not deduced that she's after your money? You men are all the same, led around by your dicks and little else."

"Anastasia and I aren't dating, Elena so your theory is bullshit. I asked you a question. Do you have no regard for my demands?"

"Oh, I know all about your demands, Christian, I taught them to you. Someone has to protect you darling and if I'm the only one who knows about your…proclivities, then I'm the one who needs to do it. She's nothing more than a gold digger! No one's even heard of her on the scene, no prior Dom's, no membership to any of our clubs, nothing. She comes out of nowhere and all of the sudden she's working right next to you and sitting at a function with your family! How blind can you be?"

My head is pounding, the tension banding around it like a vise. I hate this woman and yet I still have her in my life._ I am so fucked up._

"Elena, why did you never encourage me to talk to my parents about my issues when I was younger?"

She sputters, completely caught off guard by the change in direction this conversation has taken. We have never spoken about my initiation into this world we live in and I realize that she has dictated every conversation about it we've ever had. She's controlled it all from day one. My pit of self loathing grows deeper by the minute.

"What? What are you talking about Christian? For fucks sake _you wanted it!_ All I did was help steer you to what you wanted, what you _needed_ and it changed _everything_ for you." She snickers and my stomach turns, "You were always eager for more, do you remember those first few years, Christian? My God you couldn't get enough."

I close my eyes and hang my head in shame because she's right. I used every excuse I could to be with her. There wasn't one time when she called for me that I didn't run to her as quickly as I could, not one time I refused her, not one time I didn't want to fuck her. I was as much a part of it as she was. Ana's wrong, I was a willing participant, not a victim.

Flynn's words cut through my brain and fight the demon within me.

'You were a child, you couldn't be a willing participant.'  
'The age of consent is 18, there's a reason for that.'  
'Physical response doesn't equal willing participant.'  
'Molested, molested, molested.'

"Shut the fuck up! Just shut up, Elena! How can you still be friends with my mother?"

"Christian! Where is this coming from? I _helped_ you! Do you know how happy your parents were when you turned your life around? How thrilled they were when you stopped fighting and drinking and being a little shit? For fucks sake, I was a good friend to her, her best friend because I helped her son!"

I'm so confused, even more than I was before I called her. Did she help me or hurt me like Ana and Flynn have suggested? Is she the reason I'm so stunted in my emotional availability? The reason I keep a safe distance from my own fucking family? Or would I be dead or in prison right now had she not stepped in when she did? My headache is a full on migraine now and speaking has become difficult. Why did I call her?_ I wish Ana were here._

"Did you tell her, Christian? Did you tell that little whore about us?" I can barely speak right now, the roar and the throb in my skull has become all consuming and I lie to her for the first time just to shut her up.

"No. And if you ever speak of her again like that, you will come to regret it deeply."

"Good, you had me worried. She could never understand what we have. I know you've refused my offers for a new submissive twice now but I'm setting up an appointment for Shayla for this week, I've had enough of watching you crumble. You're Christian fucking Grey for God's sake, get your shit together."

I just hang up and walk to my bedroom where I take two Advil's and then lie down on my huge empty bed. I've never fallen asleep in the middle of the day but between the tension of returning from Japan and the conversations with Ana and Elena, I fall exhausted into a fitful sleep.

"Christian, where are you?" Mia's high pitched voice vibrates in my ears and it takes me a minute to remember where I am and where I'm supposed to be. I quickly glance at the clock on my night table and jump up, I've been lying here for close to two hours.

"Shit, sorry. Just start without me, I'm leaving now, I'll be there in 20 minutes."

"You were supposed to come early for my slide show!"

"I know, Mia, I'm sorry. I had a headache and fell asleep, I'm leaving now."

"You fell asleep? Just now? Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I can show you another time if you'd prefer." Her demeanor softens and the familiar feeling of being a constant disappointment flashes through me again.

"I'm coming now, hold dinner if Mom's ok with it. I'll watch your show after, OK?"

I drive like a bat out of hell and pull into my parent's home just in time for dinner. Eating is the last thing I want to do right now but my mom is watching me closely, Mia must have told her about the headache. Great, now she's concerned for me too.

I've not responeded to Ana's text, I just can't. Her faith in me only adds to the heaviness I feel in my chest.

I avoid most of the conversations about the Coping Together event. It was a huge success and I can see how happy it makes my mom to talk about it so I listen and smile where applicable. Ana's name is only brought up twice and both times I shut down, I do not want any questions about her being thrown at me.

On my way home I detour down Ana's street and park in the lot across from hers. Her bedroom light is on and I imagine her lying on her bed, reading a book. Wholesome. Good. Light. My phone buzzes after a few minutes and I see Taylors name glow on the screen.

"Grey."

"Sir, are you outside of Ms. Steeles apartment?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Her nighttime protection noticed a vehicle parked across the building and the occupant not exiting. I tracked the Spyder and saw it was you. Can I help you with something?"

"No, Taylor. I'm leaving now." I don't look at her window again.

* * *

"Good morning, Mr. Grey, Mr. Welch is waiting in your office. He didn't have an appointment but insisted this was a top priority security issue."

"Thank you, Andrea. I'll call you for my schedule when we're finished."

If he's in my office, it means one of two things. He's accessed Ana's medical records or he's accessed Hyde's computer. Either way, I'm on edge. I barely slept last night, my mind and body are desperate for a woman I can't have and I have never felt more out of control than I do right now.

"What did you find out?" He hands me a file and sits down in one of the chairs across from my desk. I don't bother to sit or to take off my jacket, I want to know what's in the folder. It infuriates me.

"It appears that she was being systematically abused for years prior to the final episode which resulted in the removal of her from the home. There's no police reports or case files with Child Protective Services but the medical evidence is pretty obvious."

My knees give out and I fall into the chair behind me while visions of a young teenage Ana, bruised and hurt batter my mind. There are seven pages of medical records detailing cuts, bruises and broken bones that warranted doctor visits. _What's not on these pages?_ What else was done to her that isn't in these documents?

"Who did this?"

"Since there are no police reports, we can only surmise that it was her step father at the time. A Stephen Morton. The abuse appears to have started within six months of the marriage and if you look past the point where she's returned to Raymond Steele, the visits to the doctors, the 'accidents' and 'sport injuries' end completely."

I fucking knew it! My skin is on fire with the heat of my fury. Stephen Morton is a dead man walking.

"Where is he now?" My teeth are so clenched they hurt and for all the times Welch has seen me pissed, this time he's on high alert.

"He spent two years in a minimum security prison in Georgia for assaulting a girlfriend of his. He was released early for good behavior and then fell off the radar outside of checking in with his parol officer. He's got one year left and then he's a free man. Lives in a hamlet outside of Atlanta and works as a delivery driver for a bakery."

"I want to know the brand of toothpaste he uses, I want to know the number of times he blinks in an hour. I want someone tailing him day and night and I want every single slip up reported back to me within the minute. I want the fucker back in prison for good. Find me something on him and use it to nail him to the mother fucking wall."

"Yes, sir." He stands to go but pauses at the door, his hand on the knob before he turns to me. "Accessing anyone's medical records is a federal offence, I'd be careful in how we used this information and who we told about it."

I hate being talked to like this by my staff and the burning look I throw his way freezes him to the spot.

"I know that, Welch. I will tell Taylor and no one else but we will take care of this issue. Where are you on Hyde's computer?"

"Barney was able to crack into the mainframe but Hyde downloaded everything on a flash drive which we can only assume he has in his possession. He deleted, destroyed, encoded and erased all of the original data. The few things we were able to retrieve were website pages on sadism and an online order confirmation for bondage equipment."

He may as well have punched me in the chest, all of the air rushes out of my lungs and I wave him out, unable to even utter a dismissal.

I spend the majority of my morning ensuring that we get the proper security team in place for Morton, I want that man to rot in jail for what he did to Anastasia. It matters not at all to me that she hasn't had any contact with him in almost eight years or that her mother finally decided to divorce the fucker. And what the fuck is that about? Her mother had to have known what was going on and yet she stayed with him and allowed it to continue!

I want to storm into her office and wrap her in my arms, promise her that everything will be ok and that I'll protect her for the rest of her life but I don't. Instead I rant and rave at my acquisition team over their lack of progress on the SIP project. We've moved into hostile takeover mode but still the progress is slow and tedious. Ros remains silent, she knows to leave me alone when I'm like this but the other fuckers keep talking until I tell them to shut the fuck up and get out of my fucking office.

Once my 2pm meeting leaves I lay on the couch in my office for the first time ever and let the revelations of the day fall on me like rain. Anastasia was physically abused by a man for years. She's being stalked by a man who's intention, from all appearances, is to do the same. And then there's me. Living a lifestyle that punishes and hits, humiliates and degrades. And I want her too.

_I am a monster._ The very same type of man as Hyde and Morton. Just another threat to Anastasia Steele. Here I am hiring people to protect her, hunting down those that could harm her and all the while, the biggest threat to her is me._ But you don't want to hurt her. Do you?_

How can I reconcile the pleasurable aspects of BDSM with the painful ones? How can I separate them out when the two are so intermixed in my mind and in my own history? I am inherently drawn to the control and the domination BDSM has afforded me but how can I control and dominate without the punishments? Without the threat of pain and denial of pleasure?

I feel like a man on death row when I walk to her office but I have to see her and explain myself to her. She's surprised when I walk through the door but says nothing._ She's probably afraid you'll whip her._

Words fail to convey my fear and ultimate acceptance of what I have to offer her. Does she understand that having me in her life can only damage her and break her? I_ know_ what she's been through, I _know_ what she's had to deal with and get through and I can't contribute to that. My internal battle rages on, in my office the prospect of never being with Ana is hard enough but when she touches my arm I lose all reasoning and fight the desire to throw myself at her feet and beg her to take a chance on me anyway. _I want to be better for her,_ I want to be good enough for her but I have no idea how to do that.

A knock on the door interrupts the moment and saves me the embarrassment of falling apart in front of her but when I see it's that fucker from acquisitions standing there with his dick in his hand I almost erupt. Another one of her fucking admirers. _Get used to it, Grey, she's not yours, she never will be._

* * *

I stand and stare at her closed office door for what feels like an hour before I call for Taylor to go home. I can't be here anymore if she's here. I can't stay away from her and I have to.

I change into workout gear and head to the gym and Taylor follows me without being told to. In the five years he's worked for me he has seen some pretty sick shit. He's seen me fucking, fighting, raging and rude but he's never seen me despondent and I know he's concerned about my well being.

He and Welch came up with the security protocol for the new team we'll assemble in Georgia. I know he's less than thrilled that I accessed Ana's medical records but I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks, I'll do anything to keep her safe.

After two solid hours of weights and strength training Claude shows up. I shoot Taylor a knowing look, I didn't ask for a session but the man knows me well enough to know that the information I was given today is enough to push me over the mental edge.

Claude doesn't take it easy on me even though I've already been down here for two hours and instead he comes at me hard and furious. It's exactly what I need and I answer him back punch for punch, kick for kick, sweep for sweep until he waves me off.

"Fuck, Grey. I thought I'd have you down three times by now after the workout you just did. Who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?"

Stephen Morton. Jack Hyde. David Mendelson. Jose Rodriguez. Matt Ryan. Elena piece of shit Lincoln. Take your pick.

"We done here?" I've got zero interest in talking about what's on my mind. I'd rather fight it out or fuck it out. I've done the fighting and even though I'm bone tired, I still need the fucking.

He gives me a salute and begins to pack his bag. "See you at 7am tomorrow at Grey House."

I throw a towel over my shoulder and walk to the elevator. Memories of Ana in those tight pants pressed up against the wall while I palmed her ass flood me and in an instant I'm hard and angry. _That will never happen again. _Regret shoots through me.

Mrs. Jones brings my dinner to me in my office after I shower and dress in sweats. The Japanese plant manager has totally ignored my directive to fire three dead weight administrators and I deal harshly with him. It's the perfect excuse to verbally rip someone to shreds and when I hang up I feel a hundred pounds lighter. My cell vibrates on my desk, I look over to see Elliot's name and hit ignore. He calls back again and then once again two minutes later. I glance at the clock, 9:45, and I'm suddenly concerned. He never usually calls this late and definitely not three times in a row.

"Grey."

"Fuck man! Where the fuck were you? Ana's been attacked, Kate just took her to Northwest Hospital." My world begins to spin around me, my fingers numb and my legs tingling.

"Where? Who? Is she ok? Fuck, I'm on my way."

I'm halfway to the elevator before I remember my shoes and before Elliot can explain anything to me I'm on my way down to the car and heading out to Northwest.

"Outside of her apartment, I don't know. She seems ok, Kate said she's hurt but I don't know much more than that."

"Where the **FUCK** was her protection?** FUCK**!" I yell and then hang up, throwing the phone on the seat next to me. I'm driving as fast as these city streets will let me, not bothering to call Taylor or Sawyer or anyone else. Every single one of them is fired. The only person in the entire world right now is Ana and I can't get to her fast enough.

My phone continues to buzz and I see Taylor's name and then Sawyers but I ignore all of it, I don't have the ability to do anything but focus on getting to the hospital. I toss my keys to the ER valet who all but comes when he sees my car but at this point, he can fucking have it, just get me inside.

Elliot is standing at the entrance to the emergency room and he rushes over to me before I break the glass door separating me from the patient rooms in the back.

"Where is she?"

"She's with mom right now, Kate just texted me that they're taking her for x-rays and then she'll be able to see people. She's alright, Christian, mom said Sawyers the one who needs the medical attention."

That stops me in my tracks and I run my hands through my hair before I notice him doing the same thing.

"What?"

"Sawyer is getting about 40 stitches right now. Whoever attacked Ana had a knife and slashed him across his arm and chest pretty deeply when he intervened."

Oh my god. He had a knife. _He could have killed her._ The room comes crashing down on me while Elliot grips my upper arms and pushes me into a chair. A nurse comes by and pushes my head between my legs, urging me to breath in and out but the room keeps spinning and the roar in my head blocks out all sound except the chant of, 'She could have been killed. She could have been killed. She could have been killed.'

"Christian, she's alright. Sawyer is alright. He said he knows who the guy was and that Taylor has already alerted the police and is working with them to find him."

_"He got away?!" _I bellow and the nurse steps back in alarm.

"Barely. Sawyer was bleeding pretty badly and while he was able to get a few substantial blows in, the fucker had a car and took off." He picks up his phone and scrolls quickly through it before continuing. "Kate's text says that Ana told her the guy was Jack Hyde."

* * *

"Threats of violence and mayhem will only get you arrested and committed here, Mr. Grey. Your girlfriend is in radiology right now, there's nothing we can do to admit access to her until she's finished." Fucking nurse on a fucking power trip.

_Girlfriend._ It helps to calm me. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. I like it.

"What about Luke Sawyer?"

"He's still being stitched by the attending physician but he seems to be fine otherwise. He's asked that he be allowed to speak with you as soon as possible."

I look at her and drop my head, gesturing for her to let me in then. She smiles and tells me to take a seat, she'll let me know when Sawyer is available as well. _Does she know who the fuck I am?!_

I finally call Taylor back, he's speaking with the investigator assigned to the case. Apparently throwing around the phrase, "Christian Grey's girlfriend makes shit happen quickly in the SPD.

"Sir we've not been able to determine much since our contact with both Sawyer and Ms. Steele has been limited but I can tell you that according to the convention staff, Hyde hasn't checked out of his room but he hasn't been seen in two days. A neighbor did see a light colored hatchback car pull away at a high speed at the time of the attack and that description matches up with the car that Hyde rented in Texas."

"The SPD has put an all points bulletin out for his car and are considering him armed and dangerous. Any word on Ms. Steele or Sawyer?" I shake my head in an effort to process the news he's telling me and hand Elliot the phone while I pace the room.

"Ana is getting x-rays done but it appears that she's otherwise alright. Sawyer is currently getting about 40 stitches for a laceration to his chest." Every time I hear Ana and x-ray I feel faint. _He could have killed her._ I didn't protect her, I let her down.

"Mr. Grey, your girlfriend is available to see you now." I rush past the nurse and sprint down the hallway until I see my mom outside a curtained enclosure. I don't stop to talk while she pulls the curtain aside to let me in.

Ana, sweet, kind, gentle Ana is lying in a white hospital gown with a monitor attached to her heart and Kate Kavanagh attached to her hand. She smiles when she sees me and the relief almost cripples me. _I love her._

I rush to the empty side of the bed and search her face for any signs of pain but she just smiles at me and runs her palm on my cheek. My throat is so tight I gasp for breath but her name rushes out of me anyway.

"Ana." My hand grasps hers and I kiss her forehead.

"I'm ok. Sawyer was there, he was heroic. If he hadn't been, if you hadn't hired him, I, I don't"

"Shhh. Don't even say it. My god, Ana, I'm so relieved that you're ok." I can't stop kissing her face but my mom's cough stills me and I turn to look at her, still holding my girls hand. _It's so small._

"I was just telling Anastasia that her ribs aren't fractured, just bruised internally. There doesn't seem to be any other damage other than the smaller bruises on her neck and upper arm. I've prescribed some pretty serious pain pills which I want her to take every 12 hours for the next three days even if she doesn't want to. They'll keep her muscles relaxed and will speed up her healing time. Her next dose should be at 10am tomorrow morning. Ana, you also need to limit your movements as much as possible for the next three days, no activities that aren't absolutely necessary. If you adhere to those simple things, you should be good to go in four days, tops."

"Yes, ma'am. Can I go now?"

"You're free to leave."

A nurse brings a wheelchair for her but she asks to change first. Kate has brought her black leggings and a tshirt which she helps her to change into while I stand outside the curtain, upset that my mother and Kate are getting to see Ana half naked and I'm not.

The sight of her in a wheelchair guts me. _He will pay._

"Are we going to see Sawyer first?" Fuck, I'd forgotten about him. My mom leads us four curtains down and he's stitched, dressed and being discharged. The look of shame on his face pales in comparison to the anger on mine but Ana is gushing her thanks to him and apologizing for being annoying on Saturday night. _What is she talking about?_

"Sir."

"Are you able to leave now, Sawyer?"

"Yes. Taylor is sending over Ryan to pick me up, he'll take me to my apartment."

"We'll wait with you." _Fuck!_ I should have known she'd offer to stay with him. She's all but holding his hand in gratitude and I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy that it was he who fought off her attacker and not me. _That's what you hired him for, be grateful neither of them died!_ I just want to get her home and in my bed, safely ensconced in bubble wrap from head to toe. Would it be too much if I hired three guards for her?

We sit in silence, Ana, Elliot, Kate, Sawyer and myself while we wait for Ryan. When he arrives I push Ana towards the door and turn to Sawyer who's being wheeled out in his own chair, lowering my voice so that only he can hear me.

"I'm pissed as hell that he had enough time to touch her let alone kick her but I'm also grateful that you were there and that you did your job. I expect your full report in 24 hours and you can take as much time as you need to recover, I need you in top shape to protect her. Do you understand?"

He nods and shakes my hand. "Thank you, Luke."

"Sir. Just doing my job."

"You did your job well. Goodnight." The man has a permanent 14 inch scar across his body from protecting my Ana and as furious I am that she sustained any injury, I have to admit that for being 'covert protection', he preformed his job as quickly as possible.

I'm momentarily confused when Kate's car pulls up and she opens the passenger door. I know Elliot met her here so who's going home with her?

"Will you help me lift her in guys? Maybe you can follow us home and help her get inside too."

Elliot and I look at her like she's crazy, because she is.

"Kate, you can't go back to the apartment until this fucker's caught and Ana is definitely not going back there right now. You'll stay with me," He looks at me and I nod, "and Ana will stay with Christian. Mrs. Jones can help him out with food and shit like that and she'll be well protected there."

She hesitates and looks at Ana. "Ana sweetie, what do you want to do? They're right, we shouldn't go back there just yet. Do you want me to stay with you at Christians?" _Oh hell no._ Elliot!

"Kate I can assure you that I'll take good care of her and Mrs. Jones will be there during the day should I need help. I'll have my security team contact you tomorrow to install an alarm system for the apartment but in the meantime, you can't go back there."

"I'm fine, Kate. I just really want to go to sleep right now." Kate hesitates and then shuts her door, giving Ana a kiss and gentle hug goodbye.

"I'll call you in the morning, Steele. No moving! Remember what Grace said!"

Taylor has met us in the parking lot and has brought the SUV, someone else will get the Spyder another time. As carefully as I can I pick her up and climb in the back seat, holding her bridal style across my lap. Taylor buckles us in and she turns that perfect face up to mine.

"I can sit, you know."

"No, you can do what you're told and let me take care of you. Are you hungry? You should have eaten something before you took those pills."

"I'm not hungry, too much excitement for one night." She yawns and turns her face into my chest; I freeze and force myself to relax. _This is Ana. You are safe, you are fine, this is Ana._

She dozes on the ride home and the arm supporting her neck grows numb but I would sit like this forever if it meant being able to touch her and have her close. The weight of her tiny body against mine is the reassurance I need right now and with each mile we travel I feel less fear and more anger. A million directives are flying through my head and I'll delegate them out once we get home and she's tucked safely into my bed but for now, I study the soft contours of her face and bend down to kiss the small worry line between her brows.

Mrs. Jones greets us in the foyer, wringing her hands and clucking like a mother hen while I carry Ana to the bedroom. She and Taylor stop mid step when I bypass the guest room and instead lay her on the cool sheets of my own bed. She stirs enough to wake and groan and Mrs. Jones takes the opportunity to hand her the bagel and cream cheese she's prepared.

"This shirt is too tight with the wrapping underneath, it hurts." Grumpy Ana is just as cute as ever and she takes a bite of the bagel while I grab her one of my t-shirts.

"Can you sit up a bit higher?" She takes my hand and let's me pull her up and I grit my teeth when I see her grimace in pain. _Mother fucker!_

"I need you to take this shirt off, Christian, I can't do it." _Do not get a hard on. Do not get a hard on._

Her torso is wrapped with fabric bandages and what looks like duct tape and I do my very best to keep my eyes on the bandages and not the pink lace bra she has on that pushes her breasts up as if they were an offering and as quickly as I can I pull the t-shirt over her head.

"I can't eat this, I'm going to throw up if I take another bite. Whatever your mom gave me at the hospital is making me sick." She lays back down onto the mattress and before I can protest, she's asleep, her lips parted and just begging to be kissed. I lean down and give her a tiny peck, just enough to feel her skin against mine and she sighs.

"I'm so glad you're in my life, Christian." My heart bursts in my chest and my eyes burn with emotions unshed as I gently kiss her again.

"So am I, Anastasia."


	13. Chapter 13

**CPOV**

I'm afraid to leave her until I'm convinced she's not in pain and pull a chair over to the bed to watch her breath. _In. Out. In. Out._ The steady rhythm satisfies me and I go to find Taylor who follows me into my office for an update.

"Sir we've confirmed that Ms. Steele's attacker was definitely Jack Hyde. He left Houston at some point two days ago and drove straight through, using no credit cards along the way. We don't know if he was waiting for Ms. Steele to arrive home or if it was lucky timing on his part. My guess would be the former."

"Why did he have enough time to hit her," I swallow hard, "and kick her?"

"Luke was still under covert security protocols and as such was not in the immediate vicinity. He's given his statement to the police already and I was able to record it for our internal reports."

"And? I'm going to lose my patience pretty soon, Taylor. I want to know how this mother fucker piece of shit was able to harm Anastasia in any way!"

"Ms. Steele worked late at Grey House which is unusual for her. Upon her arrival at the apartment complex, she parked her car in the lot while Sawyer parked on the street, approximately a quarter mile away. He made his way to the complex to ensure her safe arrival into the building and saw that her car door was left open and heard her trying to cry out."

My stomach is twisting over and over as I envision her being abused and crying out for help. I have never been more grateful for my wealth than I am right now because it's allowed me to hire someone to protect her. _He could have killed her._ The words haunt me over and over.

"Hyde had pulled her between the dumpster and the buildings wall and from what Sawyer could see, had his hand around her throat and the other under her skirt. Ms. Steele was kicking her legs and clawing at his face but that's all he saw before he removed Hyde. When he pulled him off, Hyde slashed back without looking and made direct contact with Sawyer. Luke was able to retaliate with a few well placed kicks to the legs but he was bleeding profusely and was unsure if Ms. Steele was conscious or not as she had stopped fighting. Hyde jumped into a light colored car and took off while Luke called for help and attended to Ms. Steele."

_If he hadn't been there_…"We have to find him. **Now!** I want every man on our team looking for him, hire as many men as you need to find him. If he dies when you do, make it look like an accident." The papers on my desk flutter to the floor when I stomp by to leave, rushing to go back to her and see her whole and well but I pause at the door.

Fuck! I refuse to think about what he was doing with his hand up her skirt, I will not _EVER_ allow her to refuse close protection again. She can hate me and rage at me all she wants, I will never take a chance on her safety again.

"How many investigators are assigned to him right now?"

"Two, it's the most that any investigation is given in the beginning."

"Not good enough. Get me the chief on the line, now."

While Taylor calls the SPD I check on Ana who is still sleeping peacefully on her back. I took the pillows away so that she could lay flat and remove any pressure on her rib cage and used them to box her in. She looks so tiny, so fragile, so vulnerable and Taylors report shreds through me.

"Christian? Is Ana ok honey?"

"Hi Mom, yes, she's sleeping but she didn't eat anything beforehand. She's also lying flat on her back, it seemed to be the most comfortable for her but I wanted to make sure that it wasn't going to harm her."

"That's ideal, actually. As to her food intake, it's fine for tonight but make sure she eats some protein in the morning. How are you, sweetie? You worried me at the hospital."

I sigh before I answer her. I'm totally, 100% fucked up, Mom. I just realized that I'm head over heels in love with this woman but I just finished telling her today that I couldn't be with her. And now she's been attacked and is sleeping in my bed, which by the way, has never happened before, and if I have my way, she'll never sleep without me again. Oh, and by the way, your best friend and I were fucking for six years starting when I was just 15.

"I'm fine, Mom, thanks. Pissed off and relieved at the same time."

"She's a lucky girl to have you taking care of her, Christian. Call me if you need me during the night, no matter what time it is." I hide my scoff. _She's the lucky one?_

Taylor is holding the chief of police on the line for me when I come back out.

"Sir, I appreciate your interest in helping our department but I assure you we have the best detectives working on finding the suspect and bringing him in."

"Right. Let me put my request in plainer terms. If you can provide three more officers and find this fucker, I'll make sure that the department is fitted with an entire new fleet of cruisers and for good measure, I'll throw in ambulances as well." His stammering bodes well for me and he continues in guarded terms to give in to what I want.

"Mr. Grey, that is most generous of you. I'll be sending over the lead investigator to your home tomorrow at noon to interview Anastasia."

"Ms. Steele is her name and am I clear on my request?"

"Yes, sir."

I hand Taylor the phone and he hands me mine.

"Ms. Kavanagh wanted to check in."

"Hello, Kate. She's fine, sleeping peacefully and comfortably."

"You'll call me if anything happens? No matter what time it may be?"

"I will."

"I'm going to call her dad and a few other friends now to let them know. Her father will want to speak to you, I'm sure. Can I give him your number?"

"Absolutely."

On my way back to the bedroom Mrs. Jones hands me a paper bag and Ana's purse along with a sports bottle filled with water.

"This way she doesn't have to sit up to drink it. These are her clothes that she was wearing when they brought her in. Her phone has been ringing nonstop for about an hour now. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to turn the ringer off or not since it's in her purse. What else can I do to help?"

"Thank you, Gail. She'll need something with protein for breakfast. I'll alert you when she wakes, we'll eat in the room so she doesn't have to move."

"I'll be available should you need me during the night as well, sir."

Ana's phone begins to ring again and I look at the screen. Twelve missed calls and two of them are Jose fucking Rodriguez who's calling again now. Fuck if I'm going to answer it for him. In the bedroom she still sleeps, bathed in moonlight from the floor to ceiling windows. I pull the chair as close to the bed as I can, draping my hand over hers and finding her pulse. The steady beat under my fingers is proof that she is alive, she is ok and she is here with me.

In my entire life I have never pondered the mysteries of fate, never really even believed in it but Ana has taken everything I ever thought I knew and has shaken it up, forcing me to sift through my bullshit. Today I tried to end all emotional ties with her and now she's here, in my bed. If that isn't fate, I don't know what is.

Her phone buzzes in my hand with the name of a girlfriend I don't know. I hit ignore and look at my own buzzing phone to see a Washington number. I assume it's Ray Steele and answer it, surprisingly nervous to speak to Anastasia's father.

"Christian Grey."

"Mr. Grey, this is Ray Steele, Ana's dad. Is she awake?"

"Sir, no, she's sleeping peacefully and comfortably right now. I can try to answer any questions you may have and please, call me Christian." I'm fucking sweating! _Why the fuck am I nervous right now?_

"Start with what happened, as much as you know, no detail left out."

I tell him everything and gird myself for the inevitable question of why she had security of mine with her.

"You hired a body guard for her? When? Why?"

"About a week and a half ago. She mentioned to me in passing that someone had been harassing her and I felt it was prudent to keep her protected. Originally the man hired was hired for covert security but after tonight, she'll have close protection." I'm grimacing but he surprises me and a swell of pride fills my chest.

"Thank you, son. I'm eternally grateful that you had the foresight to protect my little girl. I can't thank you enough. If your man hadn't been there, I can't imagine...I don't know how to thank you."

"Having Ana safe is enough for me. If you'd like Luke Sawyers number, I can provide that to you as well."

"I would, thank you. I'm in Mexico on a fishing trip but we'll be leaving tonight to come home, I need to see her. You'll call me if anything changes or anything happens that I need to be made aware of?"

"Yes, sir."

When we hang up I relax and shut her phone off, I doubt Kate is calling Ana's mother and after the shit I learned about her I wouldn't talk to her anyway. Fuck her. As tired as I am from a sleepless night last night and the adrenaline rush I had today, I don't think I'll be able to sleep but I try anyway. There is a peaceful satisfaction that fills me as I slide next to her and I lean over her body, drinking in the sight of her in my bed before I inhale the scent of her hair and fall into a deep sleep. She is safe, she is whole and she is here.

* * *

**APOV**

"Ugh. Holy shit, ow." Oh my god I'm sore.

"Hey, you ok?" I open my eyes and the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my entire life is leaning over me with concern etched on his sleepy face. "Hey, don't move! What do you need?" He's jumped out of the bed and is running over to my side, lifting me before I can tell him I need to use the bathroom.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh my god, when can I take another of those pills?" He squints at the clock and makes a weird face.

"In about an hour. I'll have Mrs. Jones bring in some breakfast now so that you'll be ready. I can't believe we slept until 9 in the morning." The confusion on his sleep wrinkled face is about as cute as can be and I snuggle into him a bit to enjoy his warmth.

He stands me gently on the floor of his huge bathroom and then moves as if he's going to pull my pants down.

"Oh my god, stop! What are you doing?"

"Helping you. You need to not move, doctors orders."

"OK, bruised ribs or not, you're not helping me pee so hit the road. I appreciate the ride and I'd like one for the way back but I'm handling this pit stop alone." He starts laughing, throws up his hands as he backs up and goes to tell Mrs. Jones about breakfast but doesn't shut the door. I debate doing it myself but it's so far away and damn do my ribs hurt.

I pee as quickly as I can and then start looking for an extra toothbrush but he comes back before I find one and pulls out an unopened box, puts on the toothpaste and hands it to me before brushing his own teeth. _Why is this so hot?_

Afterwards he carries me back to the bed which is now fluffed with pillows positioned so that I can eat comfortably. Next to the bed is my laptop and phone along with a small vase of wild flowers.

"Where did these come from?" His look is sheepish and sweet.

"I asked Mrs. Jones to get some for you, I figured you needed some beauty after that bit of ugliness." I want to cry at his kindness but I don't. It was so ugly, so violent and so terrifying that I have to pretend it didn't happen right now. It's too big for me to face yet.

"They're beautiful and so thoughtful. Thank you, Christian." He grins and gives me a shy little smile that melts my heart. _Just a scared lonely boy._

I'm in agony right now, the effects of last night's medication has long since worn off but I do my best to temper my outbursts of pain. Each time I make any indication that I'm hurting he becomes worried and agitated. I haven't asked if they caught Jack yet, I'm too afraid that they haven't and I make the assumption that if they had, Christian would have told me by now. That or I'd be bailing he and Kate out of jail for murder.

Instead we joke over our Greek yogurt and fresh fruit with granola. Eating in bed with Christian Grey on a workday. A girl could get used to this.

"Of course you have fresh squeezed orange juice. You are _such_ a prima donna!" I love love love it when he laughs and I love it even more when I'm the one who makes him do it.

"I'm glad to see your smart mouth hasn't changed! Would you rather I got the stuff you mix from the freezer?"

"Mmmm, no, this is amazeballs good."

"Amazeballs, Ana? Didn't you get a degree in English?" Damn I like those tiny dimples.

"Hey, why aren't you at work? It's almost 10am!" He leans back and folds his hands behind his head, his legs outstretched on top of the comforter.

"Not going in today. Andrea moved all of my appointments and I can work from home, actually, from right here." He grabs his laptop and pulls it in front of him with a grin. "You can work from here too if you want, I had Barney drop yours off this morning. I don't expect you to work, I'd rather you didn't, but I know you and you aren't going to be able to sit in this bed all day long doing nothing."

"You're staying home for the entire day? Because of me? You don't have to do that, Christian. I feel bad enough that you had to take care of me yesterday."

"I _want_ to stay here with you and I _want_ to take care of you. As much as I hated what happened last night, I'm happy that it was me who got to bring you home and take care of you. Speaking of which, you have about a thousand calls to return, the first one being your dad. I filled him in on the basics last night but he wants to speak to you directly when you're up for it."

I almost don't want to ask about my mother. The last time I really needed her was years ago and she failed me miserably. I just don't think I can take another let down like that again.

"My mother?"

"Neither I nor Kate called her. We figured you'd decide if you wanted her to know." Oh thank god, I sink back and close my eyes in relief.

"I just can't deal with her right now." Tears are stinging the closed lids of my eyes and there is a ball in my throat that I can't swallow past. Years and years of resentment and feelings of abandonment surge through me and destroy the walls I've built up around myself. I don't know that I'll ever get past what she did to me, eight years later and the pain is still so visceral.

Christian lays his hand on my leg and squeezes it lightly. He understands better than anyone else could. I take a big shaky breath and look at him, hesitating to ask him for a very embarrassing favor.

"What is it? What do you need? Don't ever hesitate to ask me for anything, Anastasia." How does he always know?

"I need tampons." _Hey buddy, you asked._

His expression is impassive, totally unaffected by something that most men would find mortifying. _Interesting._ "OK, I can have Mrs. Jones go pick some up for you. What kind do you need?"

I'm going to just go all in here.

"Actually, I need Kate to bring me some things from home so she can just bring me what I need but I'll need her to come in a little bit." How freaking embarrassing.

He nods at the phone and I call her, the burn of my cheeks heating the cool plastic before she can answer.

"Hi, it's me, I'm fine, in a bit of pain but manageable."

"How was your night? Were you able to sleep? Did he try anything?" Kate whispers the last part of her questions and I giggle.

"It was fine, I did and no."

"Too bad."

"Right, anyway, can you bring me a few things? I need some tampons, some clean…undergarments…and my birth control pills." I do my best to whisper the last part but I know he hears it because his head shoots up from his laptop and swings to the right to stare at me. "Oh, and my copy of 'An Echo in the Bone'."

"Yup, see you in an hour or so, is it cool if a couple friends stop by as well? Everyone is beside themselves with worry." I look over at Christian who's staring me down and he gives me a small nod.

"Yes, thanks, see you soon." The second I hit end on the phone Christian starts in on me.

"Why are you on birth control pills? Are you seeing someone, Anastasia?" He's pissed.

"No I'm not seeing anyone! Not that it's any of your business but I've taken them for almost five years for health reasons."

"Five years? So you started at 17? Aren't all birth control pills for 'health reasons'?"

Oh for Christ's sake. "I take them to regulate my cycle if you must now. Geesh, anything else you'd like to know, Grey? First you want to help me pee, now you're grilling me on contraception?"

"So you're not sleeping with anyone currently?"

"Oh my god! No, I'm not!" So freaking embarrassing! I can tell he's wrestling with the want to ask me more but for now my confession seems to have put him at ease and we pass the morning in good spirits, chatting in between emails and phone calls about anything that comes up. It's weird to be sitting in his bed, both of us in pajamas at 11:30 in the morning but it also feels so _normal._

"Sir, Ms. Kavanagh is here to see Ms. Steele. Ms. Steele, how are you feeling today?" Taylor stands in the doorway, entering Christian's bedroom would be uncomfortable for him I guess.

"I'm alright, thank you. I'll be right out. How is Sawyer?"

"He's doing fine, I'll pass on that you asked."

Christian gets up and puts on a pair of jeans and a new white t-shirt that fits his perfectly formed arms and stretches just right across the muscles of his chest. _Man does he look good._ I stay in my, well, Christian's pajamas, and he carries me, bridal style to the great room where Kate, Elliot and Mia are waiting for me. The two girls all but eat me alive with questions and their concerns and Christian finally tells them both to back off.

I throw him a grateful smile, every question makes me feel less and less safe and more and more anxious and he knows that because he somehow knows everything I feel.

"Mr. Grey, a Heather Plato is here for Ms. Steele." Christian raises his eyebrows and I nod a yes, his protection is exactly what I need right now and the little looks and glances he gives me make me feel just that, protected.

"Send her up." Heather walks in, takes one look at Christian and forgets I'm even there. She's a good friend and I've never seen her stare at anyone like this but even I have to admit that his beauty will render even the most loquacious speechless. He shakes her hand and ushers her to the couch where I'm sitting and the minute she's past him she gives me a silent, 'Holy fucking shit!' _I know, trust me, I know._

"Mr. Grey, a Jose Rodriguez is here for Ms. Steele." Oh shit, here we go. His entire body tenses but he nods at Taylor to let him up. _One point to Mr. Grey._

When Jose walks in his concern for me is evident but he's stopped by Christian who is waiting in the foyer. He reaches out his hand and Christian takes an extra half second to shake it, just enough to convey his message of disdain.

"Mr. Rodriguez, Christian Grey." Jose looks him up and down and shakes his hand and I know, just _know_ that Jose understands immediately what's going on.

"Mr. Grey, thank you so much for taking care of Ana. She's lucky to have you in her life, I can say with total honesty that you'll always be in our debt for hiring protection for her." Christian's head lifts slightly and he moves to the side so that Jose can hug me and sit with me. _One point to Jose._

Christian is never far away from me but he doesn't intrude or seem angry even though Jose and I are sitting next to each other on the couch. I'm getting tired while they all chat around me and tune everyone out for a few minutes while I try to figure out a way to get rid of them all.

"Mr. Grey, a Ms. Mason is here." Christian gestures to send her up. The medication has me a bit fuzzy and I can't think of any friends I have with that last name and when she appears in the doorway, I assume she's one of Christian's friends because I've never seen her before. She looks a bit taken aback but doesn't move towards us and instead looks straight at Christian.

He looks at me expectantly but I shake my head no and he looks at her again. Immediately she lowers her face and I see his eyebrows knit before he walks over to her and grips her arm, leading her to his office. _What the heck is that about?_

Two minutes later he's back and she's nowhere to be seen. His entire demeanor has changed though and he's suddenly pensive.

"Ana, are you getting tired?" He sits down next to me with a cup of coffee that he hands to me, light, no sugar.

"Yes, I am. Guys, I hate to cut this short and I'm so grateful that you all came to visit me but I'm exhausted. Can I catch up with you all another time?" Everyone stands to go with promises to visit again tomorrow.

"Oh, Ana, do you think you'll still be able to come next Thursday night? I don't want you to feel any pressure, if you can't make it, I will totally understand."

"Oh shit, I'd forgotten about it with all of this crap. Of course I'll be there! I wouldn't miss it for anything. Is it alright if I bring Christian?"

"Of course! I'd love to have you there, Mr. Grey." Christian looks confused but pleased.

"Where is there?"

"Jose is the featured photographer for a new gallery in Seattle this month. Opening night is next Thursday." He smiles and shakes Jose's hand on the way to the door, agreeing to attend and then he floors me when he tells Jose that he's looking forward to it. Man, these pills are strong.

Once everyone goes he has Gail bring us over some lunch, a hearty chicken and dumplings and a spinach salad. Protein and greens, Gail takes her instructions seriously. We eat in silence, I'm still feeling naseaus but if I eat, it's not as bad so I force myself.

"Who was that woman?" Christian shrugs takes a sip of his iced tea.

"Nobody. I thought she was your friend but she said didn't know you."

"That's odd, why would she just show up?"

He closes his eyes and sighs heavily. "Do you really want to know, Ana?"

My heart begins to pound and lunch sits heavily in my stomach. "Is she an ex-girlfriend of yours?"

"No." He shakes his head and looks at me, placing his half eaten lunch on the table between us. "She was sent by Elena as a potential submissive for me."

Submissive. I vaguely remember reading about what that meant in the searches I did on BDSM. I'm going to be sick...she was here for Christian. _Oh my god_. He's interviewing for a sex slave, _that's why he cut you off yesterday._ I will not cry, I will not cry.

"I sent her away the minute I realized what she was, I've never seen her before, I have no interest in her or anyone else in that regard. I told you, I'm working that shit out."

"So, you aren't…hiring her?" He chuckles and picks up his bowl.

"No, you don't 'hire' submissives but I'm not interested in having any type of relationship with her at all. I told her that, she left." Taylor appears to announce that the lead investigator is here to interview me and Christian turns from contrite friend to demanding and aggressive CEO.

"Are you up for this, Anastasia? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." He pulls himself to his full height and pushes his shoulders back to greet the investigator. "I mean it, nothing you don't want to do."

"I want to get it over with but I want you to stay with me." The investigator comes in and takes a quick stock of the place. He's impressed but knows enough not show it. After introductions and a quick shake of hands he asks me to tell him exactly what happened.

I tell him the back story about Jack, the phone calls and the thinly veiled threats that began to worry me. He's surprised that I had protection with me but admits that it probably saved my life, at the very least it saved me from serious harm.

"I pulled in my parking spot and opened the door to get out and immediately I felt a hand on my neck and he growled at me to stay in the car and to slide over. I refused, I knew right away it was Jack so I stood up and he pushed me against the car where I proceeded to kick him in the balls, ah, err, testicles, but he didn't even flinch. He grabbed my upper arm and threw me next to the dumpster where I fell. He called me a 'fucking whore cock tease' and a 'piece of worthless trash' and then kicked me twice before he jumped on top of me and began to squeeze my neck." I'm speaking slowly and quietly, saying these things out loud makes them real and I'm embarrassed by the things he said to me.

"Ana, is there more?" Christian has his hand on my knee and is sitting as close to me as he can get without hurting my ribs. I look at him and he gives me a small smile and tucks a curl behind my ear. "You did nothing wrong, you were a victim, you have nothing to be ashamed of here, baby. Just tell the officer anything else you can remember and then we'll get some chocolate and watch a movie."

_He loves me_, it's written plain as day on his face and suddenly I burst into tears.

I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now. This perfectly imperfect man loves_ me_ and is sitting here, doing his best to not kill someone while he hears me talk about being attacked. My tears set him off and he drops to his knees in front of me, cradling my face in his large hands and kissing my eyes as the tears flow down my face and onto his t-shirt. There was no one to comfort me eight years ago, no one to help me at all.

"Shhh, you're ok now. I'm here, Ana and you're safe and protected. You're ok, baby." I take a minute and breathe deeply, the mantra of my previous therapist on repeat in my brain. 'You are valuable, you are unique, you are important, you are precious'. I've said these words a million times in eight years but thinking them while this man kisses away my tears and does his best to soothe me is the first time I _feel_ them.

He sits again and lifts me carefully onto his lap, stroking my hair and kissing my temple as I continue. For the first time in my entire life, I feel completely safe and taken care of. A few more tears escape my eyes and I shudder when the onslaught of my emotions recedes before taking a calming breath and finishing.

"He kept saying that he didn't want to hurt me and he wouldn't kill me if I didn't make any noise and I tried to be quiet but I was so afraid." My voice is barely a whisper but Christians firm and strong body beneath mine gives me courage. I glance up at him and he nods for me to go on.

"He had his knee between my legs and I could feel something sharp and cold press up against my thigh and he went to push it out of the way and I started kicking. He tightened his grip so much that I started seeing spots and then he reached up and ripped my underwear and that's when Sawyer jumped on him and saved me."

Christian's eyes are closed, the hand that had been stroking my back is still and he's pressed his lips to my temple. His other hand seeks both of mine out and holds them but neither of us move.

"Thank you, Ms. Steele, it takes a shit load of courage to recount events like that and you did wonderfully. I've got what I need, you take the time you need and heal. My partners and I will do everything we can to find this piece of shit." He nods to Christian who still hasn't opened his eyes and then leaves with Taylor.

Without a word I turn my face into his chest and he rises and carries me to the bedroom, laying me back on the bed and fixing the pillows so that I'm comfortable. He walks around the bed and hits a button on a remote he pulled out of his nightstand and a screen comes down from the ceiling while the room automatically dims.

"What are you in the mood for? I think we should watch a comedy." I nod yes and he opens an app that lists every movie ever made and lets me scan them until I find a movie I want to watch.

"Office Space?"

"You've never seen this? Oh my god, it's hilarious! I can't believe you've never seen it, it's one of those movies you have to watch if it's on TV." He shrugs and hits play before texting something on his phone. 10 minutes later Gail knocks with two tubs of popcorn, cold root beers and a bag of Reeces cups. I burst into tears again.

He looks totally confused but Gail gets it and hands me a tissue and smooths the hair on my head before patting my knee and walking out.

"Ana?" He pauses the movie and slowly turns to me.

"You're so good to me, so thoughtful and kind and all I do is take from you." He looks stunned and his mouth hangs open while he stutters to find something to say, running his hands through his hair over and over.

"Ana, what you've given to me can't be bought in a store. You'll _never_ understand what you've done for me. I could give you my company, my home, my money and it still wouldn't measure up." I'm still crying so he shoots for levity. "Trust me, the Reece's were cheap!" I can't help but laugh and he wipes a tear from my face before hitting play again. My ribs hurt but the rest of me feels warm and safe in this cocoon of a bed with a man who claims to have no heart but has the biggest and sweetest one I've ever known.

* * *

**CPOV**

Birth control? What the fuck is that about? What the fuck does she need that for? I want to go to the office to retrieve her medical records, I missed that little tidbit in my frenzy for immediate revenge so I'll have to believe that she's not in a relationship right now. _FUCK!_ The idea of her with anyone is so disturbing to me, it literally makes me crazy inside.

I like this, lounging in bed working in pajamas with Anastasia next to me. This is what I want, right here.

Taylor informs us that the 'troops have arrived' as Ana says and while I'm not exactly thrilled to have people in my apartment, I don't mind having to carry her to the great room as it's a believable excuse to hold her against me.

"Girls, for fucks sake, leave her alone. She's tired and in pain and you're annoying the shit out of her with your badgering. Mia, go get some drinks for everyone and give her a break." Elliot is laughing as he watches Mia pout all the way to the kitchen.

"Mr. Grey, a Jose Rodriguez is here for Ms. Steele." Oh for mother fucking cock sucking sake! Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? In my fucking house?

This one I'll meet in the hall, call it pissing on my territory, call it making my mark but I want this fucker to know that Anastasia Rose Steele is _mine._ One look at him and I get a little more wary, he's a good looking guy but he's not an ass. Good handshake, eye contact, clear message sent to me; I'm not interested in Ana like that. _Got it, you may enter now._

When Taylor announces a Ms. Mason I assume she's another of Ana's friends and when Ana doesn't give me the nod I assume it's her medication and have Taylor show her up. She's tired and half out of it so I'll be kicking everyone out soon but one more quick visitor will help to lift her spirits. When the newest member of this little party appears no one seems to know who she is and I take a closer look.

She's got the long brown hair, light skin, slim frame and downcast eyes._ How the fuck did this happen?_ Taylor quickly puts two and two together and follows me, opening the office door as I grip her arm and steer her right into the room, shutting the door and demanding answers.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Sir, Mistress Lincoln sent me here to meet with you. She said you were looking for a new submissive, I'm looking for a new Dom. My name is Shayla, Sir."

"I'm not looking for a sub, you just saw my girlfriend so this," I point to myself and back to her, "is not going to happen ever. You've got to go and forget you ever met me." It makes no matter that Anastasia isn't technically my girlfriend yet but the nurses said it last night so I'm going with it.

"Tell Elena the next time she sends someone over unannounced I'm going to make her life hell for eternity. I'm sorry for your time but you've been misinformed." Sheena, Sheri, whatever it was looks devastated, no doubt she Googled me and knows the money I could have spent on her.

"Sir." Taylor knocks and enters without waiting for a response and hands me a sheet of paper.

"Before you go, I need you to sign this NDA, it's standard but you can take a minute to look it over." She picks up the pen and signs it without looking at it, then walks to the door before leaving without a word. Fucking Elena again. She'd been calling and leaving messages for two days now but I just ignored the calls and deleted her emails without reading them. I can't believe she sent someone here! How did she know I was home?

All I can hope for is that Ana doesn't ask who she was but of course she does. Once everyone leaves and it's just she and I eating comfort food on a rainy Seattle day, she just goes right for it in her usual 'Anastasia no bullshit' style. I don't know if it's the medication or if she's just not all that concerned with my previous lifestyle but she doesn't seem to really care. Instead she focuses on Jose's art show and we make plans together and despite my reticence when it comes to Jose, I'm not given much of a choice. Ana will be his friend no matter what I want so I have to trust her and in turn, trust him. _Well, that's something new._

I want to get her back in bed, she's clearly tired and in pain but the lead investigator arrives to take her statement and I'm thrilled that she wants to hold my hand while we go over her side. It's the first time I've heard it from her point of view and it shreds me when she talks about his hands on her, how he kicked her and the words he spoke to her.

When she begins to cry my heart breaks and I comfort her the best I can but it's not enough. I am so out of my element, so in above my head.

I've only ever known love on muted terms. What I allowed myself to feel was controlled and distant at best and only for my family. But I know that the ache of my heart and the uncontrollable affection I have for her is love and to see her like this absolutely kills me. Someone hurt her. _My Ana._ The onslaught of feelings I have for her leave me breathless and weak.

I hold her to me the best I can so that she can feel the safety I offer her and it helps, she begins to speak again but this time it's me who can't handle it. _He was going to rape her and most likely kill her._ I fight the panicky hot feeling rushing through me, I know this is the precursor to fainting and that would be the single worst thing I could do right now. I want this guy out of here and I want to lock us in the bedroom where I can create a bubble around us. _She needs me right now._

Mrs. Jones brings in a tray of snacks for the movie and Ana starts crying again for reasons unknown to me. Gail pats her on the leg, showing a side to her that I've never before seen in her five years of employment and I'm struck again with how removed I've been from my own life and the people in it.

"You're so good to me, so thoughtful and kind and all I do is take from you." _What?_ I have no idea what to say to that, none. She has no idea that she has literally brought me to life and wrapped me around her finger in the process. For the first time ever, I feel alive and she's the reason why but words alone aren't adequate to express the enormity of her presence in my life.

Two and a half hours later we've watched the movie and I admit, it_ was_ pretty funny but watching Ana grimace every time she laughed stole a bit of the joy. My mother showed up to check in on her about 20 minutes ago and is now helping her shower and then re-bandage her. I'm jealous of my own mother, jealous that she's seeing Anastasia while I'm stuck talking to Taylor in the security office.

"She's cleaned out her desk and her security passes have been turned in?"

"Yes, sir, this afternoon after Andrea connected the dots. Took it pretty hard too."

"She's been nothing but a hassle from day one anyway. Where are we on Morton's team?" I need something to go right today. Olivia, in a moment of supreme stupidity told Shayla that I was working from home today so she's been canned, quite harshly since I took that pleasure myself. We've gotten no further on Hyde and I've got Carla fucking Adams calling my phone every half hour demanding to speak to her daughter. I've sent her to voice mail six times now, eventually either Ana or myself is going to have to speak to her but I'm hesitant to force her into making the decision. It would bring me immense joy to tell Ms. Adams to fuck off but since I'm pretty sure Anastasia is in my life to stay, I'll hold off on the cursing for now.

"I've got three coverts in place, the first shift started about four hours ago. I'll hire two more to round out coverage and make sure there's no lapse. All have been instructed to be actively looking for parole violations and will report daily on his activities."

I nod and walk out to check up on Ana. She's standing in the middle of my room in a pair of pink and gray pajama pants and that pink lace bra while my mom walks around wrapping and adjusting. Her arms are above her head, holding onto the towel that she's wrapped her hair in and she's giggling at something my mom said. The scene warms me and I walk out slowly before they can see me.

* * *

"You're sure you don't want to stay for dinner, Mrs. Trevelyan-Grey?"

"No, Gail, I'm due home, Carrick and I are having dinner with friends tonight but thank you anyway. Ana, same instructions as yesterday, pill at 10p, no movements, lots of rest. Christian, whatever you did today, do it again tomorrow, she's healing nicely." I beam with pride, I'm taking care of Anastasia and doing a good job of it.

"Thank you mom, I'll call you in the morning. My best to the Flanders." She kisses me goodbye, careful not to touch my body and I falter and hesitate before hugging her. I am so grateful for all that she's ever done for me but to see her take care of Ana is the push I need to reach out. She gasps and covers her mouth but quickly embraces me, her arms low on my back so that she stays out of the no touch zone.

"Good night, baby. I love you." She's all but crying and turns quickly to run into the waiting elevator. I smile at her as the doors close, _it's the Ana effect mom._

Ana has requested roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and brussel sprouts for dinner and what my baby wants, my baby gets so while Gail gets it all together I carry her back to the bedroom and sit her on the edge of the bed, slowly removing the towel around her hair before getting a brush. She's still and a bit unsure of what I'm doing but when I sit behind her and start to brush her hair she turns her head to me.

"I can do this, Christian. I'm sure you have things you need to be doing right now." Actually I have a thousand things I need to be doing but none of them matter as much as being with her.

"Nope, I'm all yours." I can see the rise of her cheeks as she smiles and I gather her hair in my hands and begin to brush. Wet, it almost reaches the top of her ass and I take my time to brush from root to tip, dragging the bristles on her skin so that she relaxes. The small bruises on either side of her neck enrage me but she can't see the hard line of my mouth from this position. Every scenario I can think of to torture and kill that mother fucker plays out in my mind.

When her hair is combed out I braid it down her back without thinking and reach for her hair tie on the night table but when I turn back, my stomach drops._ I've just braided her hair._ As quickly as I can I undo it and pull it into a regular ponytail high up on her head. My hands begin to squeeze and rub her shoulders in an attempt to relieve some pressure and her head falls forward while a low groan leaves her mouth.

Oh fuck, this is a bad idea. I can feel the bandage that begins at her bra line and stay above it, afraid to hurt her in anyway. Her bones are small and delicate, the top of her arms barely the circumference of my fingers but there's a fortitude to her that I've not seen in many women. Her dedication to Pilates and healthy eating has paid off, not only in her appearance but in the underlying strength of her body.

Mrs. Jones enters and I drop my hands in my lap to conceal the raging hard on I have while she sets up dinner for us. Ana is cocooned in the softest pillows I own and I sit cross legged across from her while we eat.

"Can we play the five question game again? You just can't ask the same questions as last time." _Oh shit._ I can't say no and there's no alcohol to hide behind.

"OK but I get to go first though this time." She agrees and we begin.

"Have you and Ethan Kavanagh ever dated? And by dating I mean has there ever been any physical interaction between you two?" She laughs and grabs her side but shakes her head no emphatically.

"That's your first question? God, no. He's like a brother to me, like Jose. Surprisingly, even though he could have dated almost any girl in college he was pretty much a loner. But no, he and I have never had any interest in each other." Well thank fuck for that.

"My turn. How many submissives have you had?"

Deep breath, I knew this was going to come up eventually. "Fifteen." She looks at me to continue and I press on, fully aware of the hole I'm digging myself into. "Elena was my first sub, I've contracted 14 since her, the last one ended a half a year ago or so." Half a year sounds much better than a few months ago. The anger flashing in her eyes is aimed at Elena, not at me but I really don't want to talk about_ her_ at all so I jump in before she can ask another question.

"When was the last time you had a boyfriend?"

"Never."

"What? Never? Don't tell me you're into BDSM, I won't believe you." She giggles, and the sound is like music.

"No, definitely not."

"So you've only been with 15 women?" Oh shit, _again._

"Not exactly. I've only contracted 15 submissives but when I was training to be a Dom I would…go to clubs that allowed you to practice on submissives in training. Elena also loaned me out occasionally to other Dommes when I was younger." I whisper the last part, the feeling of being owned and loaned was never one I enjoyed and now, after the introspection of the last few days it's even more degrading.

"Oh, Christian. I, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you could do that." I know what's coming next. "Did you ever…loan out your subs?"

"No, absolutely not. I was always monogamous in my contractual relationships. I'm not exactly good at sharing." I wink at her and she giggles again. _So sweet._

"OK, so no boyfriends. When was the last time you went on a date? And did you sleep with him?" I want to know but I so do not want to know.

She looks up to think and her brows knit together. This is good, it had to be a little while ago then.

"I went out a few times with this guy Paul in February, so, four months ago. No, we didn't have sex! It's always about sex with you!" She playfully smacks my arm and I pretend it hurt. _Baby, you have no idea._

"Why did things end between you and….god I can't even say her name. Reptile lady?" I laugh heartily, it's the perfect description of Elena.

"She touched me on my chest during one of our sessions. I reacted, badly, and told her I never wanted to see her again but she knew I wanted to be a Dom and offered to sub for me until I refined my skills. I was 21 and new to that side of the scene so I agreed. The first few weeks were all about revenge and I was brutal but she kept coming back for more. After I got out my anger all that was left was a typical Dom/sub relationship and to be frank, sexually she repulsed me at that point."

"Moving on, did you kiss this Paul guy?"

"We went out a few times, of course we kissed!" Disgust and fury boil together in my belly, I need to find this asshole and make sure he's not in her life anymore.

"How did you meet him?"

"Hey, it's my turn. Do you have any feelings for Elena at all? Even ones strictly sexual?"

"Absolutely not. I've found the idea of her sexually revolting for eight years now and every time I see her it gets worse. I don't even like her as a person but she's the only friend I've got. Until you came along."

Her shy smile is enough to make me forget about Paul for a moment and I relish the time I'm spending with her. I have her all to myself with nowhere to go for the rest of the night.

"What's Paul's last name and how did you meet him?"

"I can't believe you wasted all of your questions on this." Wasted? No baby, I need to know what I'm up against here. "Clayton, he's the brother of the man who owned the hardware store I worked at in college. He asked me out for years and I finally said yes. We had a nice time but no sparks."

"And did he pursue you after you broke it off?"

"He called twice, once a few days later to ask me to reconsider and once about two months ago to say hi. He's dating someone else now. Trust me, he's no Jack Hyde, I have no worries about Paul Clayton coming to stalk me." _Good. _I have to question a man who can spend time with Anastasia, go as far as kissing her, and then give up when she says no. _What an idiot._

"OK, my last question. I want you to be honest with me too."

The blood starts running at a furious rate, what can she possibly ask now that is worse than Elena?

"Will you tell me when you're sick of having me around and not feel obligated to help me?"

"Ana! Are you fucking kidding me right now? For fucks sake, I_ love_ having you here! I want you to stay as long as you possibly can. Have I done _anything_ to make you feel otherwise?" What is wrong with her? It's like she has no self-worth. This is the third time she's made a reference to not wanting to have her around.

"OK, I'm sorry! Calm down, no you've been nothing but gracious and accommodating, I just want to make sure I don't overstay my welcome, that's all."

"Never. You can't, trust me. Now finish your dinner, you've got a little while until your meds but I want you eating first."

The conversation moves on to less intimate topics, my time at Harvard, her last trip to Paris. I want to know everything about her and listen intently for clues as to what makes her happy. Outside of keeping her safe, making her smile has become my life's mission.


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors note: You guys are so encouraging and I'm so happy that I stepped out and wrote my daydreams down onto this website. It's been a really fun ride. To the guest who asked 'how long I was going to draw it out before some lemons'...as long as I want. The title says it all here and this is my story to write at the pace I choose. If you're looking for love scenes, they're coming, but if you can't wait, then sign in with a user name and I can send you a list of FF stories that jump right to them. They've 'known' each other for month at this point, give a girl a break!**

**APOV**

"Ana, I hate to do this but I've put it off all day. Your mother has called close to a dozen times wanting to speak with you." He holds the buzzing phone in the middle of us, "She's calling again now."

"How did she get your number?" _God, I'm taking over his entire life at this point!_

"Ray gave it to her. Want me to ignore it or answer it? Up to you."

Outside of Jack Hyde and dragon lady, my mom is the last person I want to talk to at this point but I see no way to avoid her. Eventually I'll have to do this so I may as well rip the Band-Aid off early and I reach for his phone as I take a deep breath.

"Mom, hi."

"What the fuck, Ana? You were attacked over 24 hours ago and I only know about it because Ray called me in a panic and you can't fucking call me all day? I've been worried sick over here!" I look at Christian for, what exactly, I don't know, but I must look distraught because he takes the phone from me, a raise of his eyebrows asking for permission to deal with her.

I push the phone into his hands and he interrupts her tirade, his baritone voice shutting her up immediately.

"Mrs. Adams, your daughter was physically assaulted less than one day ago. The very last thing she needs is to be verbally assaulted as well, especially by her mother. If you would like to speak to Anastasia then you'll need to keep your temper in check or I will block all incoming calls from you going forward." I'm tickled, ecstatic, elated. _Finally someone is standing up for me!_

"Who the fuck are you, her protector?" he grins big and winks at me.

"Actually, yes, that's exactly who I am. Are you ready to be nice now?" If my ribs weren't wrapped and I wasn't on the tail end of my period I would totally strip for him and do him right here, right now.

"Yes. Please put my daughter on the phone."

"You're in charge here, Ana, she starts back up, you end it." I nod at him, still doe eyed from his comments to my mom. _Whatever you say, Mr. Grey, Sir._

"I'm sorry I didn't call you, I didn't call anyone. Dad found out from Kate and I've been doped up all day so I didn't think to call."

"I'm not just anyone, Ana, I'm your mother! It's always about you though, isn't it?" Christian plucks the phone from my hand and hits the end button before I can protest but it's exactly what I need right now. The familiar sadness that accompanies everything she touches in my life settles in my gut and I feel sick.

"Fuck that noise, Ana. It _IS_ about you right now. You're her daughter, it should _always_ be about you." I want to tell him everything, all about Stephen Morton, all about how my mom covered it up and lied to doctors and friends, how the two of them made me the problem and how even after all of these years, she _still_ hasn't taken responsibility for any of it. I can't verbalize anything though, it's just too painful and the words stick in my throat, refusing to come out. Christian reaches over and grabs my face between his hands.

"Look, I don't know what exactly happened but I've got a pretty good idea and if you never want to speak to her again, I'll make sure that happens. Anything you want, Ana, anything you need, all you have to do is tell me and I will make it happen."

Tears, again. "I don't know what I want." His thumbs are furiously wiping away tears, unable to keep up with the torrent of them and he grabs a Kleenex and wipes my face and my nose. _How gross!_

"Anything, Ana. When you figure it out, I will do anything you want." He wants to kiss me, I can feel the current running through him but he doesn't, no doubt the snot and tears are a turnoff. Instead he takes both of our phones and shuts them off, putting them in a drawer before grabbing the pill vile and a glass of water.

"Lights out time, baby. You're falling apart on me here and you need to rest." I take the pill and water and use the bathroom one last time before bed. After I've peed he comes in and watches me brush my teeth, leaning against the doorframe and watching me in the mirror. His basketball shorts are tented in front and I blush bright red. I feel his erection brush against my ass while he carries me to the bed where he tucks me in. _He's not even slightly embarrassed!_

"I'm going to work a bit after you've fallen asleep but if you wake up, I'll be right here so don't worry, okay?" His long fingers tuck strands of hair behind my ears and then fluff my pillow cocoon up before he drags his thumb along my bottom lip. On impulse I kiss it and nip the pad of his thumb with my teeth and he hisses, closes his eyes and tips his head back.

"Ana, don't." It hurts me. "You need to rest, sleep now."

I don't want to sleep, I want to make love to this beautiful man but the pills are taking effect and the exhaustion of crying all day has taken its toll. My eyes are heavy and as hard as I try to keep them open, I can't.

* * *

It's pouring when I wake up to use the bathroom and the rain lashes at the windows of Christians' bedroom leaving winding and random patterns on the glass. I stumble to the bathroom in the dark, noticing the heated floors in there for the first time, and just about jump out of my skin when I hear him yell my name.

"Ana! What the fuck are you doing?" _Oh my god, look at him._ He's just in pajama bottoms, no shirt, no socks and his hair is sticking out in every direction. Oh and the way those pants hang low on his hips, showing enough of that V that promises so much more, he should be illegal. _I want to lick that V right to the very bottom._

"I had to use the bathroom and you were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you, besides, I feel a bit better." I stretch a little and find that in fact, I do feel a little better.

He strides to me and lifts me, a warning look on his beautiful face.

"I want to watch the rain." I blurt out. I'm not ready to go back to bed, my mind is chaotic and dark and I'm afraid of the dreams that will find me in that state.

He pauses and moves towards the windows, lightly putting me down and I press my hands flat on the cool glass and trace random streams as they twist and turn. His body heat is in direct contrast with the cold of the glass making me hyper aware that he's standing so close, the scent of his body wash swirling around me.

"He'll come back for me you know." It's a whisper but it's the truth.

I can feel him tense even though he's not touching me. I have lived with the fear of abuse for over 11 years and for almost three of them it was a reality. I escaped, got help, learned to defend myself and moved on, or so I thought until Jack Hyde came along and set me back. The overwhelming fear that has been effectively kept at bay for so long bubbles to the surface and I start to talk, things I never thought I'd utter spinning out into the night to be swallowed by the storm outside that so perfectly reflects the one inside of me.

"Ana, nobody will ever be able to hurt you like this again. I will have a hundred security detail assigned to you for a trip to the mailbox if you'll let me. We will find him and we will end this, I promise you that." The urgency of his tone rings of truth but he hasn't figured it out yet. There will always be someone who wants to hurt me.

"When I was 13 my mom's husband started hitting me, for 'punishments' as he would call them. Stupid stuff too like not putting my bike away or leaving the light on in my room. He's hit me with a belt, just once here and there and my mother, so intent on making this, her third marriage work, would tell me that he was just being a good dad." I snort at how ridiculous that sounds. Behind me Christian is as still as stone. "She actually said to me that I should be _grateful_ that I had a 'dad' that cared enough to punish and discipline me." The burn of those words still torment me and I fight back the sting of tears.

"It was…tolerable I guess until the day he heard me say the F word on the phone and he beat me, literally hit me with his bare hands until I begged him to stop. My mom said nothing, did nothing. It escalated from there. Every few days he'd have a bad day or something and I'd come home and try so hard, I tried _so hard _to do everything right but he'd always find fault somewhere. I just messed everything up!" His hands fly to my hips and he kisses the back of my head quickly, inhaling through his nose as he presses his lips to my crown.

"You were a kid, Ana and nobody's perfect. He was an asshole, you hold no responsibility for what he did."

"If he wasn't hitting me, he was telling me what a loser I was because I sucked at sports or how dumb I was because I couldn't understand algebra or how ugly I was because I had brown hair and all the pretty girls had blond hair. He _hated_ having to share my mother with me so I pulled even further away from her in the hopes that if she didn't pay me any attention, then he wouldn't either but all that did was isolate me further." My voice drops to a whisper, I force myself to continue, it hurts to talk about it but if Christian can try to work through his darkness, then I can too.

"One day I came home and he had hit her, I found her lying on the floor in the living room holding her lip which was bleeding all over the place and I went after him. 15 years old and about 95 pounds but I couldn't let him hurt my mother so I charged at him and he went crazy. Absolutely crazy, screaming about how much everyone hated me and how no one wanted me around while he punched and pushed me and you know what my mother did, Christian?"

I turn and press my back against the glass and stare at him, his eyes are filled with fire even in the dark of the night and I know that if Stephen Morton were here right now, he'd be a dead man.

"She did nothing. Not one thing, she stood up and cleaned her face up while he screamed at me and pushed me and then finally he grabbed my face and slammed me down to the ground. That's the scar you felt, my head hit the corner of the fireplace hearth, I was unconscious for close to a day and when I woke up, nobody was there. Not one person. I hate that scar because of what it reminds me of, not of Stephen Morton's….abuse, but the fact that my own mother couldn't be bothered to try and stop him, she couldn't even stay at the hospital for me." Two single tears spill over, I have never in my entire life spoken about this part of my life so much and hearing the words spoken weakens and fortifies me. _I want them out._

"Ana." He whispers my name and holds my hips again, the heat of his hands scorching the exposed skin of my pelvis.

"How can anyone want me when my own mother doesn't?"

"How can they not?" He takes a step closer and leans down to kiss me, gruffly and harshly and demanding as his hands grip my hips and hold me still. When he pulls away he speaks into my mouth softly and urgently. "So many people care about you, so many people want you in their lives." He kisses me again, gentler but no less demanding. "I want you, _so much_."

He grasps my wrists and pulls my arms above my head, pinning me in place with one hand while he kisses me and runs his other hand up and down my side until it cups my breast and squeezes it, his groan as sharp as my own. _Oh that feels good, more, I want more._

He palms me, massaging and pinching my nipple between his fingers sending bolts of desire surging to my sex. _Oh god, yes!_

"You fit perfectly in my hand, Ana. We're made for each other." He bends down and lifts my legs around his waist grabbing my ass and presses his hardness between my legs, rolling up and moaning before he pushes me against the window.

"Ow!" I suck in my breath against the sharp pain and slap my hand against the glass while I try to push it away.

"_Fuck!_ I'm so sorry, Ana. _**FUCK**_**!**" he sets me down again and steps back, horror on his face as he runs his hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry, I, I was trying to be gentle but then you moaned and fuck! I forgot everything. Are you alright?"

"I'm ok, it just surprised me that's all. I'm fine, really!" I reach out to kiss him but he grabs my wrists and places them by my side.

"Ana, trust me, there is nothing I want more right now than to touch you and taste you and take you but I won't be an animal and hurt you." No, please! Hurt me! It's fine, really!

"Christian I'm alright! Really!"

But the damage is done, the mood has effectively been killed. Even his pajamas are flat in the front again and before I can protest he's lifted me and put me back in bed. After a quick detour to the bathroom he climbs in next to me and leans against the headboard with his eyes closed. I can only see the side of his face and if I move, he's going to get upset so I lay still and wait for him to speak._ Damn do I want to bite those nipples._

"I'm sorry, Ana. I can't believe I did that while you were hurting, I'm so fucking embarrassed." I am smiling from ear to ear, I love that he lost his cool and that I was the reason for it. My hand finds his and his eyes open, staring at our intertwined fingers.

"Why did you not tell anybody what was going on?"

Geesh, talk about a mood killer. "I didn't see the point. My own mother wouldn't do anything about it, if anything she encouraged it and if she didn't care, then who else would? People knew though, a few teachers asked questions and after my fourth time in the ER the doctors started telling me in private that if I was having problems at home that I could tell anyone on staff and they'd help." I'm whispering again, the shame of being someone's whipping boy doesn't go away no matter how much time has passed.

"After the last time, when I woke and nobody was there the hospital sent in someone from Child Protective before they notified my mother that I had woken. She had my medical records and sat on my bed going on and on about not being able to do anything if I didn't say anything, she would not _shut up_. I heard my mom and Stephen in the hallway, she was freaking out, probably afraid I'd say something but I knew better so instead I just looked at that woman and told her I wanted to move back here with my dad."

"She just wrote the information down, opened the door for my mom and walked out. Stephen walked over to me and grabbed my foot, bending it backwards demanding to know what I had said but the woman came back and he let go before she could see. I just looked at my mom and told her that I was going to move back with Ray. She didn't even argue. Stephen stormed out and I've not seen him since."

"Ray didn't know any of this?" He's pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand but the hand holding mine is solid and sure, giving me the courage I need to keep going.

"No, not until CPS called him. He flew down that night and took me home with him the next morning. We didn't even go to the house for my things. My mom signed over full custody to him, she never even tried to fight me leaving." I take a shaky breath and press on, those first few weeks were the darkest of my life.

"He hated Stephen to begin with since he'd been the one my mom had left him for and it took almost a week before I told him, in bits and pieces what had been going on. He was so mad I thought he was going to fly back there and kill him. I wish he had."

"So do I."

"Instead he found me a good therapist and enrolled me in Krav Maga, taught me how to shoot a gun and where to hit someone to break their nose. He drove me to school, picked me up, took me fishing and camping, paid for language classes and took me to Paris. He never prodded me or forced me to talk about it and I never did, I just wanted to forget it all and move on but, this, this asshole has stirred it all up again!"

He squeezes my hand and brings it to his lips to kiss my knuckles.

"We'll find him, Ana and when we do, I will make sure that he pays for what he's done to you. I promise you that. I'm looking forward to meeting your dad and shaking his hand, he's a true hero in my book."

"Well, you won't have to wait long then, he texted me that he's already in California and he'll be here tomorrow afternoon, actually, today now." Christian looks a bit distressed suddenly but slides down onto his pillow never letting go of my hand.

"I can't wait to meet him. Now it's time for you to sleep sweet girl." He kisses my hand again and I take comfort in the protection that this man gives to me without having to ask for it.

* * *

**CPOV**

Well fuck me. There is no way I'm getting any sleep now. When she bit my finger it shot straight to my dick, already hard from watching her run the toothbrush over her mouth in a simulated blow job. Everything she does turns me on and damn it if that wasn't sexy as hell.

I knew the basics of what had been done to her while she lived with Morton but to hear her tiny voice, heavy with emotion and shame just killed me. How anyone could hurt her is beyond my comprehension and the truth about her mother? Suddenly hanging up on her didn't make me feel so rude. I'd have liked to have ripped her apart first.

All of Anastasia's insecurities make sense to me now; she was neglected, rejected and abandoned by her mother and told by that fucker that she was worthless, annoying and in the way. That's why she keeps asking me if I want her to leave, she's been made to believe that's how people see her. I'll need to change that, she has to be made to see her value.

She's trusted me with this, handed it to me and laid her fears bare to me. The magnitude and responsibility is huge but I gladly take it on for her._ I wonder if this is how she felt when I told her about me._

I fought the urge to reach out and touch her as long as I could, so afraid that if I moved she'd stop talking and I wanted to know everything she'd share with me. But then she turned and bit that lip and _god_, the silhouette of her hips against the moonlight. I couldn't stop myself.

Glancing over at her sleeping form I pull the sheet down to her waist, looking closely at the strip of exposed skin above her pants. Surely she'll have burn marks where I touched her, I can still feel the heat of her skin on my fingertips. A shiver runs through her so I pull back and lift up the comforter to cover her, disappointed that I'll miss out on the opportunity to study her breasts while she sleeps.

A hiss of air escapes my mouth when my head falls back onto the pillow, remembering the heavy fullness in my palm. The thin t-shirt and barely there lace bra did nothing to hide the sensual feel of her and I clench my own fist to resist touching her again.

_Fuck!_ I've got to get some relief here or I'll never fall asleep but jerking off in the bathroom while she sleeps 30 feet away seems wrong to me. If her dad is coming into town today she may want to go back to her apartment with him but after having her in my bed and in my home for two days, I can't bear the thought of her not being here. Maybe he'll be ok staying in the guest room. But then, would she be ok sleeping with me with him in the house? _How does this work?_

I opt to get in the shower, turning the cold water on to run over my cock and balls and while it eventually does work, it takes for fucking ever. I have _got_ to fuck her and soon, I can't handle this much longer. The clock reads 3:14am, too early to get up so I turn to watch her sleep and take her hand in mine again. If this is my last night with her, I want to savor it so I do, watching her and capturing her sleeping form on my camera until my own lids close and sleep finally takes me.

* * *

"I want to go to work, Christian! I'm feeling so much better, I swear. I can't lay here another day, I just can't!"

"Then call someone to stay with you, there is no way in hell you're going in so stop with the bullshit and get your ass back in the bed!"

"I can have a friend over even if you're not here?" She's got a sly little look on that cute face of hers and I proceed with caution.

"Ana, you can do anything you want as long as it includes you laying in the bed or on the couch."

"Well…..the only friend I have that doesn't work a normal job during the day is Jose." Of fucking course it is.

"I want the truth, has there ever been anything between you two? A kiss even? Anything?"

She scrunches up her face as if grossed out and tells me no. What choice do I have? She can't go anywhere and if the only way I can get her to stay put is to have him here then what are my options? None. I've got to close the SIP deal today at 10 and I'm meeting with Tony Lain at noon. Both are priorities for me and the SIP deal can't be put off, we've already made enough enemies in that camp.

"You sit on separate couches, you don't close the door to the room you're in and under no circumstance is he to go into the bedroom." I pacify myself knowing that Mrs. Jones will be here all day and I'll call for Ryan to sit in the security room on the monitors. Usually they're off unless I have company over and I'd never put them on to spy on Ana but if Jose is here, you can bet your ass I want someone watching.

"Christian. Sweetie. Moon pie. Lunatic. He is my friend, I trust him and I will not be told where he and I can sit and what he and I can and can't do. I would never invite him into your bedroom. I am a 22 year old woman and you are not my father. So, if you can't give me a goodbye kiss and promise to bring me home a Starbucks, then I will take my ass to work and you can suck it. Entendeu?"

Damn I do like it when she speaks another language. I'd like to argue with her and maybe even spank her a bit but I'm so thrilled that feisty Ana is back after her breakdowns yesterday and last night that I do just what she says.

"Fine, but if he so much as hugs you too long, I'm going to go bullshit. Entendeu?"

"Sim, Sir." _Oh yea, baby, say that again._ With a light kiss on her lips I grab my briefcase and give her a playful smack on the ass before leaving. So very domestic and so very arousing. I could get used to this.

* * *

The reception my team walks into when we enter the SIP boardroom is colder than freezing. We are definitely not wanted here but I've taken over enough companies that I simply don't give a fuck. Firing Jack Hyde isn't an option anymore, his attack on Ana has eliminated the job he had and after we find him, the only thing he'll be editing are license plate numbers.

The company itself though shows promise and the deal was all but done on Monday when everything happened. The fact that Ana wants to be an editor someday has little to do with wanting to add this company to my roster. Or so I tell myself.

One of the senior editors and Jr. VP, an Elizabeth Morgan, focuses on me with laser like eyes the entire meeting and the second my signature is dry and I stand to leave, she follows me. Taylor steps between us before she can get too close, her unwavering stare has caught his attention too it seems and I turn to her with ice in my eyes. _I'm not interested, Ms. Morgan._

"Mr. Grey, I wanted to ask about Anastasia, I heard she had some difficulties on Monday night."

I blink before I can catch myself even as Taylor squares himself and puts his hand on the gun he keeps hidden.

"How did you know about that, Ms. Morgan and _what_ do you know?" Outside of the police, who are sworn by law not to speak about active cases and were forced by my lawyers to sign NDA's anyway, nobody but a few of Ana's friends knows what happened.

"A lot of people know, Mr. Grey. Is she doing well? We were friendly when she translated for us a few weeks ago." She's fishing for information and not out of the goodness of her heart. _What's your part in all this?_

"She's doing stellar, thank you." We turn to go and as soon as we're in the car Taylor calls Ryan to have him place a covert on Ms. Morgan until further notice. _That_ is why I pay him $395k a year with a shit ton of benefits and perks. The man knows danger when he sees it.

* * *

"What have you found out if anything?" My desk is littered with piles of papers and fact sheets that Tony, my internal auditor, has compiled. He's the quintessential nerd but the guy is amazing at his job, his ability to sniff out fraud is astonishing, catching inconsistencies that even I miss. I only hire the best and I pay accordingly, Tony Lain is no exception to that rule.

"Well, her books are a disaster, I don't know if her bookkeepers don't know what they're doing or if they think being sloppy creates an inability to reconcile things and therefore makes it easier to hide things. Since it's been years since we've audited her, I'm still in 2009 but as messy as the books are, I haven't found any glaring inconsistencies. Her payroll is inflated a bit but nothing that we can pin on her at this point."

"OK, thanks for the update, I'll want another report in a week, same time. Are you working on any other businesses right now?"

"No, sir. I've got my team spread out on various projects but I'm working solely on anything Lincoln. Per her contract she also has to provide personal tax returns and investment portfolios which she still hasn't handed over. I've given her until Friday but I've got no real pull with her."

"I'll call her today, thank you, Tony."

He stands, gathers his papers and scuttles out as Welch walks in.

"Sir, I've got someone tailing Ms. Morgan, she's not left the SIP office but I've sent someone to her home to check it out. Our team in Atlanta is up and running, nothing to report there yet. I've also been in touch with the lead investigator on the Hyde case and there's been no activity on that front either."

"Damn. _Fuck!_ Where the fuck could he be?" The desk bears the brunt of my aggression when I punch it and Taylor enters to inform me that Jose Rodriguez has arrived at the apartment. _Perfect, just fucking perfect._

"Andrea!" Welch ducks out, smart guy that he is.

"Yes, Mr. Grey?"

"What can't get pushed off?" She runs her finger over her tablet and answers decisively seconds later.

"You have a 1pm call with your Japanese counterpart. I can move everything else for later in the week."

"Do it. Email me the information for the call, I'll make it from home."

Taylor opens the door for her while I grab my suit jacket and head out.

"We need to make a stop at Starbucks first." I catch the minute raise of his eyebrows but he wisely says nothing, pulling into the one closest to Escala. He makes to get out but I open my door, surprising him.

"I'll get it, I know what she likes."

* * *

It's close to 1 when I get home but my call can wait, I need to see where Jose and Ana are and what they're doing. Surprisingly they're in the great room playing…checkers? _People still do that?_

"Mr. Grey, hello." Jose stands and shakes my hand while Ana watches our interaction carefully.

"Mr. Rodriguez, it was nice of you to keep Anastasia company while I was out. I trust you were offered a drink?"

"Please call me Jose and yes, Mrs. Jones was very accommodating." Making my way over to Ana I give her a kiss on the top of her head, I'd like to lay her flat and make out with her for his benefit as much as my own but I think that would just piss her off.

"Hi, baby. Your drink, madame." She giggles at my half bow and flourish. "Checkers?"

"We wanted to play chess but neither of us knows how."

"I see, and where did this set come from?" It's cheap and tacky, not one I could see myself owning but I don't think I own checkers anyway. The last time I played a board game was….never. My dad, grandfather, Elliot and I have played chess but that's it.

"Jose brought them and my slippers." Ah yes, that explains the pink fuzz peeking out from the bottom of her pajama pants. "While I have you here, Mr. Grey," _uh oh,_ "Mia checked in earlier, anything you'd like to tell me about? Any important dates coming up?" Fucking Mia.

Shrugging to indicate that it's not a big deal I roll my eyes and answer her, "My birthday is on Saturday."

"How could you not tell me?" she's whining and challenging me and ordinarily if someone spoke to me this way I'd have a fit. If it were being done in _front_ of someone I'd bruise their ass before handing it back to them but the intimacy of our little spar makes me feel downright giddy. The fact that it's being done in front of Jose sends a clear message to him, 'we're together', even if we're not. _Yet._

"I've never enjoyed my birthday so I don't make a big deal out of it." _Am I blushing?_

"Well, prepare to change that up this year. I've already formulated a plan so clear anything you had scheduled and put on your have a good time pants." Both Jose and I laugh at that.

"Where do you come up with this shit? OK, I'm all yours on Saturday but no big thing, ok?" She nods yes but the mischievous look behind her eyes gives me pause. "I mean it, Ana. Nothing big. I've got a call I need to make and some work I need to catch up on so I'll be in my office should you need me. Jose, if I'm not out when you leave, have a good night." I stride off to my office just happy to know that she's mine on Saturday, an entire day with Ana. For once, I'm looking forward to my birthday.

* * *

"He said he'd be here by 4 so he'll come here, meet you and we'll go back to my place. Yes I'm nervous to go back but he's a retired Marine so I feel a bit safer and eventually I'm going to have to so I may as well face this now."

I don't like the idea of her going to the apartment at all, even if her dad's a Marine.

"Ana, why don't you both stay here? We'll go for dinner and you can both relax here afterwards. My security team is prepping the place for the alarm and monitoring system anyway so it's going to be messy and cramped." Taylor managed to talk me out of the cameras and bugging system but I wouldn't back down on anything else. That apartment is going to be the Fort Knox of Seattle and even then I have no intention of really letting her stay there.

"That is really sweet of you but I know my dad and he's not going to want to stay here no matter how nice it is. We're going to spend the day site seeing tomorrow as long as I'm up for it so your guys really won't be in our way. I'd love for us all to go out for dinner though, do you want to do that?"

Nervous heat spreads up my chest, a feeling totally foreign to me. Did I want to do that? Go out to eat with Anastasias father? _You haven't fucked her yet, you can look him in the eye, at least you've got that going for you. _

"I'd like nothing more than to hear stories of you as a child and petulant teen." She giggles and I lean down and brush my lips over hers in an attempt to savor the sound. "Did you have fun with your friend?"

"His name is Jose and yes, we had a great time, it was perfect."

"Why did you stay in here? The library couch is so much more comfortable and you could have watched a movie instead of playing checkers!"

"You've never shown me around outside of these front rooms and your bedroom so I felt funny walking around scoping the place out."

"I've never given you a tour? Come on, we've got an hour or so before your dad gets here." I swing her up into my arms, slightly alarmed by her seemingly lightened frame. Her smooth arms circle my neck and she kisses my cheek.

"You're so sweet to carry me everywhere but I can walk now. I feel almost normal." She may feel better but I'd hold her every second of every day if I could.

"One more day of no movement and then I'll let you do as you please. Actually, until 4, I don't need for your dad to see me carrying you everywhere." We both laugh at that as I make my way to the rooms of the house, pausing occasionally to answer a question of hers. When I open the door to the library she stiffens in my arms in an attempt to get down, her little wiggles waking up my libido. I watch with rapt joy as she runs her hands over the books on the shelves in obvious delight.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey! You've had this the entire time I've been here and I didn't even know it! Oh my god! Look at this place! It's my fantasy, books floor to ceiling, oversized leather couch, heavy light blocking curtains, a reading nook with a huge armchair. Ahh! I'm in love!"

Her exuberance makes my toes curl in happiness, I'd seen people act like this but I'd never been the cause of it and _it feels good._

"So you like the library?" She turns and claps her hands together, tossing that head of thick chestnut curls back and squeals.

"This might be my most favorite room of any room in any house, ever! I never want to leave it!" _Then don't, stay with me forever._ "Do you come in here a lot? Oh my gosh, I'd be in here every single day!"

"Actually, I hardly ever come in here." Her perfect little mouth drops open and she looks horrified.

"Well, that's got to change, this place is fantastic! OK, sorry, show me the rest. I want to come back here afterwards though." Her excitement is contagious but I know that the only rooms left are the ones that will suck that excitement right out of her.

She walks out on her own flashing me a coy little smile when I take her hand and slant my eyes at her to let her know I realize she's walking.

"This is the security room, there are cameras in every room except two but none of them are on except the one in the foyer and the ones on the balconies. Taylor knows to turn them on if there are people here or if we're out. You've met Ryan?"

"Yes, briefly, hi, Ryan. Have you spoken with Sawyer? How is he?"

"Good, ma'am, recovering at his apartment but he expects to be back in two weeks." With that he nods and resumes his job which is currently looking through all of the street cameras in Seattle to find out where Hyde went.

"Down this hall is another door that is Mrs. Jones and Taylors apartment. I've not been in there since I showed it to them so we'll leave that one alone." Her eyebrows knit and she bites her lip, that cute little line on her forehead indicating that she's working something out.

"They live together? Are they married? Or it's just the set up?"

"It's the set up but between us, they've been dating seriously for almost three years. I'm pretty sure Taylor wants to marry her but she seems to be reluctant, I have a feeling his job is the problem." Listen to me, gossiping like a teenage girl. What is this woman doing to me?

"Really? Wow, go Taylor!" we exit and turn to the stairs but my hesitation is evident. "What? What's up there?"

"Another guest room, a storage room and the playroom." She laughs out loud throwing me off guard.

"The playroom? What are you, five?" _Oh that smart mouth of yours, Ms. Steele, it will get you in trouble._

"Almost 29 but the playroom is for _my_ play." She immediately stops laughing and stills.

"Oh. You have a room for that?"

"Come, we may as well get this over with. If you never want to speak to me again, I'll understand but I won't let it happen so know that now." I lift her then and carry her up the stairs, putting her down in front of the locked door.

Once it's unlocked I slowly turn to her, my hand on the handle and I take a deep breath. She does the same.

"Open the damn door, Christian!" The moment of truth. The first thing that always hits me is the smell, citrus and wood polish, leather and metal. The urge to act dominant tries to overtake me but I fight it back and let her enter first.

"Wow, it's….red." She walks in and stands in the middle, her eyes settling on the bed and the St. Andrews Cross. She walks to it and studies it closely, running her hands over the smooth wood and touching the restraints. I'm in agony, my cock is being suffocated by my pants which are getting tighter by the second. I have thought of her on that cross more times than I care to admit and now she's looking at it, feeling it and no doubt trying to work out how it's used.

She doesn't make eye contact which worries me, instead she walks to the bench and runs her hand along the leather, repeating the movement over the table top and the couch back before she stands next to the bed. She looks sad.

"You've had sex on this bed with a lot of women." She's not asking so I say nothing while she runs her hands over the sheets. "Who cleans up? Is it always these sheets?"

_What?_ "Ah, the subs do and Gail washes the sheets and cleans the furniture."

"The red sheets are tacky." What she's really saying is that it pains her that I've fucked women on those sheets. _Consider them gone, baby._

"I'll get rid of them then. I'd hate to be tacky." My joke falls flat while she makes her way to the dresser with the toys. _Her_ toys though she doesn't know that.

"Can I open this?" _And here we go_.

"Yes, I won't hide anything from you, Ana." Her small smile eases my nerves a bit until I see her eyes grow wide. "Ask me anything."

Her green eyes are huge and alarmed, maybe this was a bad idea after all she's just gone through.

"OK, come and explain to me what these things are."

I glance in and touch the items as I explain them to her. "This is a vibrator, I'm sure you've seen one before, you probably even own one."

She half laughs and shakes her head slowly. "No, I don't own one. Not everybody does that you know."

My hand drops and I cock my head to the side. "Yes they do, Ana. Come on."

She raises her brows and shakes her head. "No, they don't. I don't." her shoulders shrug and my gut drops,_ who's pleasuring her then?_

"This is a wand, it works a lot like a vibrator but is used all over the body, this is a butt plug, pretty self explanatory." Her eyes fly to mine in disbelief.

"You mean, you put that _in_ someone? And they _like_ it?" Holy fuck I've got to get her out of here. Just being in here with her is making me hard as a rock but to explain these toys to her, these things that were bought with her in mind, has me almost coming in my pants.

"Yes, very much so." _And one day, you will too_, _just give me a few weeks, there is so much I want to do to you._

"If you say so. What is this?" I stifle a laugh, I can read her disdain and I watch with fascination as she works it out in her mind.

"Oh my god, where do they go?"

"They're anal beads but I guess you could technically use them anywhere." She drops them as if they were on fire and rubs her hands on her pants while I chuckle next to her.

"They're brand new, never used!" Her confusion grows so I explain. "I get rid of everything once a contract is terminated. When I decide to take on another submissive, I get all new things." Her confusion morphs into alarm and she takes a small step back.

"When you decide to take on another submissive? So you were going to start up with someone?" I release a breath through my nose, this could go either way but I'm pretty sure it's going down.

"I bought these after I met you."

"Me? So you were looking for someone but now you're not?"

"No, Ana. I bought these things for you."

I didn't think she could go any redder than she already was but she does and I can literally feel the heat of her embarrassment. She swallows hard and looks down at her hands before she responds.

"But, I'm not a submissive, Christian. I don't want to be either." I lift her chin up with my finger to meet my eyes and run my thumb over her cheek.

"No, Ana, you're anything but submissive. That's not what I want with you anymore and the only reason I did to begin with is because that's all I'd known."

She's satisfied and shuts the drawer before opening the next one.

"What the hell are those things?"

"Those," I point to the right of the drawer, "are nipple clamps. Some are harsher than others. These," I pick up a pair of hot pink plastic clamps and hold them up, " these vibrate while these suck."

"And those things?"

"Genital clamps." She drops her chin to her chest and looks at me through a furrowed brow.

"Well, if these are mine, then you can go ahead and get rid of those that's for sure."

My dick is as hard as it can be, my balls heavy and aching. It's been three days since I last came and the sole object of my desire has been in my bed for two nights. Having her in here is too much and I shut the drawers and start to usher her out. Did she just accept this stuff? What does that mean? _Does she really not masturbate?_

"Wait, what's all that stuff?"

Turning my head in her direction I explain what a flogger is, what a paddle is and what a crop is. The spreader bar I'll just have to show her one day. The precum dripping down my dick is tickling me_. I've got to get out of here._

"What was hanging on those?"

"I had a few canes and cat o' nine tails. Some of the harder BDSM shit and I got rid of it."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't use those things on you and to be perfectly, one hundred percent honest, I don't want to." I pause and watch her but she's still looking around, her eyes drifting to the cross. "Ana, we have to get out of here. You, in here, touching things and talking about them, it's too much." Her eyes fly to my crotch.

"Yes, see what I mean?"

"Oh. Sorry." And cue the blush. _I wonder if her entire body blushes that delicious color._

Once we're out of the room I lock the door while Ana goes into the 'guest' room and takes a quick look around.

"This was the submissive room."

"They had a room? For what?"

"For the times they stayed here. The contracts retained them from Friday to Sunday afternoon at which time they stayed here unless they were in the playroom or cooking." Her face falls and she sits on the bed. Even in small doses this is a lot to take in.

"They stayed here? In this room? Did you ever stay with them?"

"No. I have never slept in the same bed with anyone until you and no one has ever slept in my bed until you."

"None of them slept in your bed either?"

"No, I don't have sex in my bed and none of them were ever allowed to even enter my room."

"So they'd come on Friday, spend the weekend cooking and getting beat by you and then they'd leave on Sunday?"

"Ana! That was bull shit!" Her choice of words, considering what she's just gone through and what she told me last night cut me in two and infuriate me. "You obviously don't understand it and making comments like that just pisses me off."

"You're right, I'm sorry. That was wrong of me to say. I'm just a little stunned I think. Imagine me taking you on a tour of my sexual past and having to stand in the room imagining all the things I've done and then find out that these men stayed with me for days at a time, to be used on a whim whenever I wanted."

Nausea takes over my gut, I would be beside myself if she did this to me.

"No, I couldn't do it. It would drive me crazy, I could never hear about you with another man." Her eyebrows shoot up and she gives me a satisfied smirk. She's jealous and hurt and….angry.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I want to be as up front about myself as I can to you and maybe that's selfish, I don't know." She walks to me and pulls my phone from my pocket, looking at the time but her eyes grow wide when she sees my screensaver.

"I was going to keep being angry but this, this is so sweet, I don't know what to say. When did you take it?"

Shit I'm blushing again! "At the Fairmont. You just looked so peaceful and so ethereal, I couldn't help myself."

Her hand is resting on my forearm and she pulls me down and stands on her tippy toes to reach my cheek, gently kissing it before walking out. For as much as I know about women, I realize I actually know jack shit.

* * *

Entendeu? translated in Portuguese is "understand?"

Sim translated in Portuguese is "yes or yea"


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note: Just a warning for those who can't handle any type of sexual violence. This chapter barley touches on it but I would hate for someone who struggles with it to be blindsided. **

**Separately, thank you again to all of the awesome people who comment and follow/favorite S&S. It's such a treat to 'talk' to you all.**

**APOV**

The hot water feels good against my skin and helps to stop the itch. The bandage that I've been forced to wear is really getting on my nerves but it must be working because I feel pretty good. Well, my body feels good, my mind feels like it's been put in a blender and then thrown in the washing machine on the spin cycle.

The Red Room of Pain. The Den of Iniquity. The Pleasure Palace. **The Playroom**. He has an entire room dedicated to sex and I've never even seen a naked penis. I_ could never hold him, I have zero experience, nothing to offer that he hasn't already had._ Anal beads! The man has anal beads. For me.

Despite the scalding water a shiver runs through me. Do I seem like that kind of girl? Do I give off that kind of vibe? _Man did he read the signs wrong._

The 'issue' of my virginity hasn't come back up and I'm not really looking for a reason to discuss it. I know I'll have to tell him eventually since I _am_ sleeping with Christian Grey if it's the last thing I do on this earth. But not in that room, on that bed, or on those sheets that he's shared with so many others.

Can I be with a man who wants to hit women? Can I separate out what I see as abusive, humiliating and degrading and believe that not only do these women want this, they enjoy it? Will I ever believe that my interpretation of BDSM is incorrect as he claims it is? I dry off with a vengeance, stretching my sides a bit and get dressed in my bra, underwear and jeans.

"Christian!"

He comes running in, his bare feet not making a sound and he stops dead, his eyes fixated on my breasts before he remembers himself and looks up. I've got my hands over them and I'm in a bra but they're still…there.

"I need you to bandage me. Your mom just walked around and wrapped as tightly as she could stopping to use these clip things every now and then."

"Alright." He begins the task, his face scrunched up in concentration as he mutters, "You've got to tell me if you're going to be half naked, I almost had a heart attack."

I can't resist a bit of flirting, my dad is going to be here any second, how far can it go?

"You've seen a hundred sets of tits in your day, Grey. I'm sure it's no big deal."

"Oh Ana, I've not seen yours and I can assure you that yours are a _very_ big deal." He winks, I wrinkle my nose at him and he smacks my butt playfully. "Come on, I don't want to be alone with your dad and Taylor just informed me that he's pulled into the garage."

He pulls on his socks and shoes and helps me to buckle my sandals since I can't bend but I am hell bent on not coming out of his bedroom when my dad gets here so I rush him and walk quickly to the great room just as the elevator dings.

"Annie, baby, god." His arms circle around me and hold me tightly to him and I just sob against his chest. I've held it together in front of the doctors, the cops, my friends and even to a point, Christian, but there is something about having your dad around that just brings you right back to being a small child. He's put in the time and proven to me over and over that he'll always take care of me and be there for me. He was there with Stephen and he's here now, he totally understands why this is affecting me the way it has.

"Shh, it's alright. Look at me, Annie. You are not going to go down this road, you got it kid? You'll toughen up, you'll start back up with Krav and you'll do what Christian says with regards to your safety. Am I clear?"

I'm sniffling but his fatherly affection is exactly what I need and I nod my head.

"Good. Christian, I can't express my gratitude when it comes to your protection of my daughter. I'll forever be indebted to you for this." Watching the two men in my life shake hands is weird for me and I hold my breath.

"I'm glad to be able to do it, sir. It would be a great loss to me if something were to happen to Ana. I was hoping to take you both out for dinner to discuss our options and have you weigh in." _Well played, Mr. Grey. _Ray gives him a curt nod and accepts the glass of iced tea that Gail has brought out.

Unsure of what my role is here I wait on Christian to make the next more. With his usual grace he motions for us to sit in the great room. Ray waits to see where I sit and when I settle on the white couch he sits next to me and takes my hand in his. Christian sits across from us and appeals to Rays military background. He's all 'yes sir' and 'no sir' and I realize that _Christian Grey is nervous._ I doubt Ray can sense it but I've been around Christian long enough to know that the slight hesitation in his speech and the way he wipes his palms every few minutes is not the norm.

Resisting the urge to run across and hug him I wait until we're ready to leave and slide my arm into his.

"You did great, he loves you. Relax, OK?" His boyish grin makes it impossible to not reach up and kiss him so I do quickly before Ray can see and am rewarded with a smile and a shrug.

"Yea, well, he's got no reason to not like me. Yet." And with a sexy little grin and wink he ushers me onto the waiting elevator.

* * *

Dinner was nice even though I felt like I was on somebody else's date. Within minutes of sitting down I had caught Ray up on my life and he was talking about his fishing trip and before I know it, dessert is being served and I haven't spoken since the salad.

When it's time to go both men pull out their wallets but Ray insists on paying as a 'never ending thank you' for saving me. I know it's killing Christian but I shoot him a look and he grins at me. It would embarrass Ray to no end if he hadn't paid and I'm grateful for Christian's sensitivity.

Outside Ray gets in the car and Christian walks to the passenger side with me, his hand barely holding my own.

"Thank you for inviting me tonight, It's nice to see you have someone in your life who really cares about you. Ray Steele is a stand up guy, I feel a bit better about you going back to the apartment now."

"Yea, he's pretty great. I'll call you tomorrow to check in? I'm not sure if I'll be at Grey House on Friday, it depends on what Ray's doing."

"Whatever you need to do is fine. You own the company, you make the rules."

I do not want to leave him. He's been nothing but good to me this entire time, assuring me of my safety, putting measures in place to ensure it, being emotionally available to me and physically present when I needed him most.

"I'll see you later then, thank you, so much, Christian. For everything. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all that you did for me."

"Thank you for letting me, Anastasia. I'll talk to you tomorrow, text me once you're locked in for the night and don't forget to turn on the alarm. It's temporary until the crew can get the monitoring system up and running this weekend." He turns to go and I grab at his forearm turning him towards me and kissing him soundly on the mouth. It's a fleeting kiss but it speaks volumes and the ear to ear smile he has when he shuts my door says even more.

* * *

My apartment is a bit messy, Christian's team has started running the wiring for a state of the art alarm and monitoring system and there are holes drilled in the walls and the few wall hangings we did have up have been piled on the couch. Both Ray and I are tired so I set him up in the guest room, take my pill and text Christian.

**Hi, home, locked in, alarm set, tucked in, pill taken.**

**-Hi back. It's weird to be here without you now.-**

**That's sweet. It's weird to be home.**

**-Go to sleep, you have a busy day tomorrow-**

**Yes, Sir. Goodnight, Christian.**

**-Goodnight, Anastasia, sweet dreams-**

* * *

Ray is about as taciturn as they come but we spend Thursday visiting all the sights in Seattle that the tourists do. Growing up close to here means that I've never done a lot of the things people come here to do and neither has Ray. I feel fine physically but emotionally I feel fragile and cling to my dad anytime we're in a crowd or waiting in a line. I find myself scanning faces for Jack Hyde and even though I swore I wouldn't let what happened affect me in any way, it does.

Sawyer's temporary replacement, Ryan, isn't pretending to not be security and he follows us everywhere we go, standing next to me in the crowded areas and sweeping certain places before I enter them. I'd feel like an idiot if I hadn't just been attacked and secretly, I want another man on me.

Christian checks in with me regularly but by the afternoon I can tell he's stressed about something so I back off on texting.

Ray and I are having a late lunch at the 74th Street Ale House when he drops the hammer.

"Annie, what's bothering you the most? That's what we need to focus on, take action on." The words and emotions swirl in my brain but I can't seem to pin any one of them down to explain what is screwing with my mind the most.

"I, I don't know really. I mean, besides the obvious violence and the fact that this highlights just how vulnerable I am, I don't know. I guess, in someway I'm afraid that this is going to be a theme in my life." My voice is barely a whisper but I continue even as the truth burns my throat. "Will I always be the target of someone else's rage? I mean, despite all of the work I did after...Stephen, here I am again. And more so than that, I failed myself. Years of self defense training and I all but froze."

"You froze initially because someone appeared out of nowhere and attacked you. You would have fought back eventually but yes, we need to work on your response time. That's a step we can take in the right direction. As to your question, no, baby. You will not always be a target. There have been two men in your life who have hurt you. One of them you'll never see again and the other, if he doesn't wind up dead, will spend years behind bars."

_Dead?_

Ray's eyes lift up and the line of his shoulders straightens when Ryan comes in with another man who stands near the back exit. Ray walks over to ask what's going on and after a minute he comes back to the table.

"Annie, let's go home. I'm tired, you're tired and there's been a development with Hyde."

Just his name sends me into a panic and my fingertips go numb but I stand nonetheless and Ray leads me out into the waiting Audi SUV where yet _another_ man is waiting. Ryan jumps in the front and the other new guy climbs in next to me.

"Ryan what's going on?"

"They've found Hyde's car, Ms. Steele. Any other information will come from Mr. Grey himself, he'll be at the apartment shortly."

"Which apartment? This is the wrong way."

"Escala, ma'am. Someone will bring your belongings and those of your fathers there."

My stomach is churning and the rise of bile in my throat threatens to come out with each turn of the tires. I feel dizzy and hot and cold and restless and numb all at the same time but Ray reaches out and squeezes my knee to steady me.

"Let's find out what's going on before we jump to conclusions, ok?" I stupidly nod my head and breathe a sigh of relief once we're in the elevator at Escala.

Christian isn't there, Ryan assures me he'll be home shortly but I pace anyway while Ray looks around and drags me into the library when my pacing becomes frenetic. His distraction technique works because before I know it it's two hours later and Christian walks in, suit jacket missing, shirt unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up, tie askew and hair everywhere. _Beautiful._

He strides right over to me and hugs me, careful not to hurt me as he wraps his hands in my hair and kisses me firmly on the mouth right in front of Ray. In an instant the world rights itself and the frenzy ceases. _I'm safe. He's here._

"Hi." I see stars when he pulls away and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm not even embarrassed that he did that in front of Ray.

"Hi. Sir, I'm sorry to have ruined your day but we thought it was best that Ana came back here."

"I figured as much and trust your judgment but I'm ready to know what's going on here."

"Let's sit, Taylor and Officer Collins will fill you in. Ana, do you want to stay for this or would you rather leave?" I can tell he wants me out but this is my life and I'm not going anywhere. I plant my ass on the couch next to Ray and Officer Collins begins.

"Yesterday a tail was placed on an Elizabeth Morgan, a work associate of Jack Hyde's. In following Ms. Morgan home and securing the area it was noted that the car in her garage was the same make and model of the one that Mr. Hyde used to drive here and also to escape in. Officers were called to the scene where she confirmed that he had come to her house Monday night at approximately 10pm and asked for her to keep the car."

"He was injured, his left leg was probably broken and he held his left arm to his side but she agreed to hide the car and he took off on foot."

"You can't possibly believe that he left on foot, Officer." Ray is incredulous.

"No, Sir, we don't. He's not at the location now though. We were able to search his car and what we found was quite alarming, hence the need to get you to safety, Ms. Steele. Mr. Hyde's advances towards you and subsequent attack are the culmination of a much bigger and scarier picture."

Christian is looking straight at me and nowhere else, the worry written all over his face as he takes over.

"Ana, they found rope, duct tape and ketamine in the car along with a map to a remote cabin in Idaho. His intention was to take you and" he falters, his head falling forward as he runs his hands through his hair "keep you. For as long as he could."

"And then he was going to kill me."

"We can't be sure but from the ramblings Barney was finally able to glean from his computer it appeared that he wasn't going to let anyone else have you. Baby, you have to know that you're safe. I will never let anyone take you or hurt you, ever. You have to know that!"

"I do." I speak slowly and clearly, processing the words as I say them. "So he wrote about me on his computer. What else was on it?"

Christian looks desperate, terrified even and I start to shake while Ray pulls me close.

"Tell me!"

Officer Collins steps forward and begins to speak but I'm looking at Christian who hasn't taken his eyes off of me.

"Videos of he and various women, seemingly all of them employed at one time or another by SIP. The videos are graphic and depict a specific type of sex."_ Oh my god, that's why he won't look away._ My breath comes in short quick pants but Collins presses on despite my inability to look at him.

"While it appears that the women in the video were able to initially give consent, under duress, the progression of the acts preformed on them becomes more and more violent and degrading. All of them were bound, beaten and crying by the end."

"If they were under duress, then it wasn't consensual." _Mother fucking idiot._

"You're right, Ms. Steele, my words don't reflect the severity of the situation nor do they reflect my feelings on the matter. My apologies. We know that he's injured and unable to use his cards to access money. Ms. Morgan indicated that he asked to borrow cash from her so we can assume he's running low. Eventually, and we expect soon, he'll show up and we'll be ready for him."

Christian is wringing his hands together between his knees, resting his elbows on his thighs and watching me closely. I look away.

* * *

"You're sure you're ok, Annie?" Ray is in the guest room I'm staying in to ensure that I'm in bed and not crying in the fetal position in a corner somewhere.

"I'm sure. I know I'm safe here and I can move just fine now. Go to your room, I know you're tired and my medication is kicking my butt right now. I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll look into Krav studios tomorrow ok?" I nod and smile before shutting the door.

When Officer Collins left and the rest of the security team retreated back to their office for a detailed run down, Ray, Christian and I had dinner at the table in silence. Nobody knew what to say.

Afterwards the two of them sat in with Taylor and Ryan, no doubt constructing ways to keep me safe. I didn't want to hear another word and wandered the apartment, pausing outside of the playroom before finding my way back into the library. At 9:55 Christian appeared with a glass of water and my last pill.

"Thank you, I had forgotten."

"Ana, I don't know what to say." He can barely look at me which is fine because I'm at a loss. After I take my meds I stand to go and he grabs my wrist so that I'm facing him. "Will you stay with me tonight? Please?"

"I can't, Christian, not with Ray here." His face falls but Taylor knocks just then interrupting any further conversation we may have had and I use the break to leave the room, giving Christian a sad smile.

* * *

At midnight I wake from a nightmare, sweat and fear lingering on my skin. I'm alone in a beautiful room with a man who is doing everything he can to keep me safe in the room next to me and my dad right above me but I am absolutely terrified and sobs wrack my body until I feel like I'm going to throw up. What if Sawyer hadn't been there? How did I lose my self defense training? Why did I freeze? What happens if he gets to me again?

I get out of bed and open the door to find Christian. I just want to see him and touch him and thank him over and over but he's standing right there, his huge frame blocking out the light from the hall.

"Christian!" I hug him, burying my face in his chest, the smattering of hair across his sternum scraping the over sensitized skin of my cheeks but I stay there and drink in the feeling of security as his arms wrap around me completely. "You're not like him, I don't want you to think that I feel that way. I know you're not like him."

His body shakes against mine, a sigh of relief so forceful I wonder if he's crying but when he finally pulls me away I can see that he's not.

"You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that." His eyes are downcast and filled with self-doubt and loathing. _Say it again, Ana, make him believe it._

"You're not like him. You're good and kind and sweet and so so generous. You would never hurt me or anyone else."

"No, Ana, I would never ever hurt you." He kisses me on my forehead and carries me backwards to the bed, tucking the covers and pillows around me as if I were a child. I've cried more in the past three days than I have in years, the emotional strain of everything that's happened coupled with the crushing fear of what might happen has made me an exhausted basket case.

"I'm afraid." There it is, I've said it. I'm terrified of Jack, of getting hurt by Christian, of everything.

"Shhh, I've got you." He lies down next to me and pulls me close, his chest to my back while his strong arms wrap around my waist and neck, kissing my hair over and over. Cocooned in safety is the last thought I have before sleep reclaims me.

* * *

**CPOV**

Coming home from dinner to an empty apartment reinforced the undeniable desire I have for Ana. Not just with regards to sex, but just to_ be_ with. She brings life and joy to these walls, something I had never noticed the place lacked.

I avoided going into my bedroom for as long as I could, working for a few hours, figuring out the espresso machine that Gail just bought, perusing online for a new poster bed for the playroom and finally walking around the library, smiling at the memory of her reaction. I want that for her every day, unbridled happiness.

Finally tired and feeling a bit better after my library visit I walk in my room, strip, shower, jerk off finally, and damn if that wasn't a one minute wonder after the last few days, and get into bed. The cold sheets and sheer size of it never got a second thought from me but now that I've shared it with Ana, the space mocks me. Mrs. Jones has washed the sheets and changed them, pissing me off and disappointing me. There's no trace of Ana, nothing to prove to me that she was here or that for two blissful nights I slept well, uninterrupted and nightmare free.

Sleep does not come easy and when it does finally find me, I'm woken by the same nightmare of me and the pimp but this time, he's burning Ana too. My screaming is so bad that Taylor has to wake me, something that in all the years of his employment has only happened twice before.

Awake and embarrassed I shower and wipe the sweat and subsequently the nightmare off and then play the piano. Enya's 'Watermark' hits the right notes with me tonight, sad, lonely, melancholy but not completely destroyed. Over and over I play it until it flows through me and over me and chases out the lingering effects of my nightmare.

* * *

"Sir."

"Yes, Taylor?"

"The tail on Ms. Morgan took certain liberties today and gained visual access to the inside of her garage. He reports seeing a light colored hatchback. I'd like to inform the authorities and send over two more men to ensure that we get proprietary information in real time."

I'm on my feet within seconds, barking orders at Andrea and the new intern, Jacqueline. At the same time Taylor is on the phone instructing his team and Welch joins us in the elevator on his phone, speaking directly to the chief of police. I feel like the bases are covered and check my phone to see where Ana is. Her tracker shows her at a Starbucks near Pike Place. _My girl the coffee addict. _

"How close is Ryan to Ms. Steele?"

"Feet away, Sir. She's given no complaint and seems quite comfortable with his presence." Good, that's what I want since she'll never be alone again in public.

I wait in the SUV as the police question Elizabeth Morgan in her home and do a search of her property and the car. We've confirmed that it's the same car Hyde rented in Texas and while he's not in the house and his car yields no computer evidence, the trunk's contents cause me to break out in a cold sweat.

Rope. Ducktape. Blind fold. Tranquilizers.

"Get more men on Ms. Steele NOW and get her to Escala immediately." My order is unnecessary, the minute Taylor heard what was in the trunk coupled with the fact that Hyde is still missing, he called Ryan and put a plan that had already been discussed into action. Only when I hear from Ryan myself that Ana and her dad are on their way back to Escala do I relax.

After another large donation to the Police Benevolence Fund Taylor and I are granted access to the SPD digital property room where the videos that Barney extracted from the hard drive of Hyde's home computer are being analyzed. It was pure luck that the fucker didn't have time to go home before going on the run but he was pretty damn brilliant with the labyrinth he set up to protect his hard drive.

I know what's on the videos, Barney and Welch informed me as I sat in front of Elizabeth Morgan's house but to see the images is astonishing. There are five women in total and each file begins the same. A tentative make out session in which you can see Hyde speaking but can't hear him followed by rough sex. It's obvious from the film that these women were coerced and while at first they didn't fight back, by the end they were all begging for mercy. He showed none.

Frame after frame of him tying up, gagging, blindfolding and whipping these women is hard enough to watch but when he starts to use the cane hard enough so that they bleed, every one of us turns away. Logically I know this isn't comparable to what I've done, I've never had a woman bleeding, certainly never taken anyone past their tolerance level or forced them to do anything they were uncomfortable with but despite my logical assessment of the situation, I can't help but feel like I'm no better than him.

Chief Collins is speaking to me, something about heading over to Escala and needing to share with Ana the information gleaned today so that she can accurately understand the nature of this threat. I nod but I barely hear him, the noise between my ears is a high whine, the only other sound, the beat of my heart. _I have to tell her this._

I find her immediately in the library and don't think twice about kissing her in front of Ray. It may be disrespectful but it also may be the last time she lets me hold her or kiss her and I'm not letting it pass me by.

I'm sitting across from her because as much as I'd like to be holding her and comforting her, I know what's coming and I want to give her space to react. It's killing me to see her afraid but it's nothing compared to when Collins tells her about the videos.

We share a silent communication.

_'He does what you've done.'_

_'I've never hurt anyone, please, please don't hate me.'_

_'Should I be afraid of you too?'_

_'I'll never hurt you, I'll only ever take care of you.'_

_'What are you really capable of?'_

_'We aren't the same, we're not the same!'_ I bite my tongue to avoid yelling it out. Am I like him? Am I any better than him in reality?

She looks away and I fight the bile that rises in my throat.

Ray wants a rundown of our security and our plans going forward in light of this new evidence and I'm unwilling to miss even a minute of involvement when it comes to Ana's safety so we gather in the security office. It's standing room only as we all listen to Taylor's new protocols but I'm busy watching the security cameras that were put on per my command. I can't stand the idea of not knowing exactly where she is at every second right now. The weight of what's going on is evident in the slump of her shoulders and the way she listlessly wanders from room to room until she pauses at the playroom door.

Oh fuck, no, Ana. _Don't._

Only when she walks away and hides away in the library do I tune into Taylor, demanding that he start again with his updates. At 9:50 my watch beeps to remind me about Ana's medication and I find her, alone and distracted reading, 'A Vindication of the Rights of Women.' _How appropriate._

Her half smile does nothing to tamper the fear inside of me and when she turns to go I can't help but reach for her and beg her to stay with me. _Please, let me love you. _She denies me and though I know her reasoning is solid, I can't help but feel like it's really because I disgust her.

I can't sleep, I hardly ate and I can't stay still. The piano remains silent, having Ray here means banging away in the middle of the night isn't an option so I head to the gym and run at breakneck speed for close to an hour. My lungs are on fire and my legs feel like lead when I'm finished but the anxiety that has strangled me all day has waned.

After my shower I look at myself, really look at myself in the mirror. Am I anything like him? Could I hurt anyone, even someone I hated like that? Force myself on a woman and watch her in agony? No, I couldn't. _Maybe I'm not a sadist._ Maybe Flynn is right. Seeing Hyde in action, a true sadist, I finally see the distinction.

The soft muted sounds of her crying freeze me to the floor and I forgo my trip to the office so that I can stand and listen to her. Should I knock? Am I the reason she's so upset? Would she want me to go to her? The answer comes flying out the door only seconds later as a tear stained Ana runs into my arms and buries her face in my chest. My only reaction is to pull her closer and bury my face in her neck. There is no fear, no hesitation, no burning sensation as she cries against me and I desperately try not to buckle under the relief of her acceptance.

"Christian! You're not like him, I don't want you to think that I feel that way. I know you're not like him." There's an urgency to her voice that burns my heart, her words healing the cracks that I've felt my entire life. _I believe her._

She's exhausted, mentally and physically, the evidence in the puffiness of her eyes and the hoarseness in her voice. If she won't sleep with me, then I'll sleep with her. I _need_ to be with her right now and I know she needs me too. I can't hold her close enough against me and as my arms circle her and pull her closer I exhale for the first time in what feels like hours. She is here and she is safe.

* * *

"Mr. Grey, a Katherine Kavanagh is on line one for you, she referenced Ms. Steele."

I pick up the phone at lightning speed afraid of why she might be calling.

"Yes? Is Ana ok?"

"Hello to you too, Christian. She's fine."

"Hello Ms. Kavanagh, what can I help you with then?"

"I just got off the phone with Ana and she's feeling a bit…restless. Needs to get out and be reminded that she's a free woman despite what this Hyde asshole did. Mia, Heather and I are going to pick her up and take her to the spa for some old fashioned girl time but I was thinking that maybe we could go to that club tonight that you were interested in. Use it as an excuse to get her out and let her have fun like a normal 22 year old."

The idea of Ana out and about at a spa and then a dance club isn't one that sits well with me but I know her well enough to know by now that not only will she not obey if I forbid her from going, but I know that Kate is right. Ana needs to feel free.

"I can arrange a day at the spa and I'll take care of the club as well. I'm going to have security with you all day, you've been forewarned. Do NOT play around with this Kate, this guy is a serious lunatic and the guys I have protecting you are not to be toyed with."

"Geesh, Grey. Got it. Text me the details, there's four of us and I'd like to be there around 2 so that we can do lunch beforehand. I'll talk to you later, we'll be serious about protection."

"Andrea!" she runs in, tablet in hand with Jacqueline right behind her. "I need four appointments at the best spa in town, NOT Esclava. Massages, manicures, pedicures, facials. No male therapists, I don't even care if they're gay. 2pm. Call Club Review and let the manager know I'll be in later tonight with a group of people. I'll want to see the owner and will require a bit of his time."

"Yes, sir." I smile a minute later when my text alert goes off and I see Ana's name. Kate wastes no time.

**Hi, when did you wake up and go?**

**-about 6, I ran with T and then met with Bastille-**

**Am I supposed to know who that is?**

**-I thought you knew everything, Ms. Steele-**

**I know you're annoying me right now.**

**-Touché. He's a kickboxing coach.-**

**Oh. I feel that much safer. Kate said we're going out today and tonight. Is that ok? I have no idea how to navigate this.**

**-Fine. I've texted her the information, Ryan and Prescott will join you. Prescott is a female CPS so she can accompany you to places the men can't.-**

**OK, thanks. I'll see you later, have a good day, Mr. Grey.**

There's no new information on Hyde's whereabouts. It was determined last night that the women in the videos had all worked for him or with him at one point and shortly after the films were made, four of them quit and refused an exit interview. Welch has two men tracking them down and trying to get information from them. Once we find Hyde he'll be in jail for a while, I'm sure of that based on his attack on Ana alone but I want him there permanently. Dead would be better.

He's also sent over someone to…persuade Ms. Morgan to give up some usable information. Her lies to the police pissed me off to no end but I'll deal directly with her later, right now I want to know what she knows. What _I_ know, is that she's one of the women on that film loop and she's the only one who didn't quit but instead moved quickly from editorial assistant to senior editor.

I'm at my limit with anxiety and assholes. Elena has called twice since I kicked Shayla out of the apartment and twice I've ignored her call and deleted her message. Fuck that bitch, If she hasn't gotten the message by now, I don't know if she ever will.

Tony Lain calls me promptly at 5p to inform me that said bitch has not provided her personal tax returns and investment portfolios to him. Andrea leaves messages with the president and the senior loan officer at Washington Mutual to have them call first thing Monday morning. Per the outline of our business contract I am an at will silent investor and therefore, if the stipulations of our agreement aren't met to my exacting standards, I can, at will, pull my financial backing. By Monday noon, Elena will be broke, looking to sell the businesses just to satisfy the banks, and fuming mad. I can't wait, that's one call I look forward to receiving.

**Getting ready at Elliot's, are you sure it's safe for me to go out?**

**-Yes, you'll be with me and about 6 security guys, I'd never play with your safety-**

**OK, see you** **at 9 then, good luck with your dinner.**

Ah yes, another boring as fuck business dinner with a boring as fuck businessman. I'm so over this shit to begin with but knowing that across town Ana is getting dolled up for a night of dancing…grinding if I have my way….is just making the tedium drag on and on and on. _Shut the fuck up already._ I'm about to throw a million at this douche bag just to get him shovel that dessert in his mouth so I can leave.

There are four missed calls by the time I'm finished getting dressed, all from Elliot and a surge of panic runs through me as I call him.

"Oh my god, you have _got_ to get here now man, I can't take another minute of this girl shit. Seriously, what the fuck is taking you so long?"

"Damn it, Elliot! I thought something was wrong, why the fuck did you call me four fucking times?"

"Why? _Why?_ Here, listen to this." In the background I can hear LL Cool J's 'Around the Way Girl' blaring in the background and laughter that can only be described as a cackle. "Hurry." He hangs up and I laugh out loud in my bedroom all by myself. I'm tempted to take my sweet time and prolong the torture but wanting to catch Ana in this playful mood is too tempting so I jump in the Spyder, much to Taylors annoyance and make the 12 minute drive in 10 while Taylor and the security not already with the girls follows.

Elliot greets me at the door with a beer and a grin.

"Dude, you are going to like what you see. Just keep your dick in your pants until you're at home, I don't want to see any of that shit from you." I look around him but only Mia is in the living room, her bright pink dress assaulting my eyes and pissing me off.

"Fuck, Mia, you sending a message or what?"

"Oh shut up, you two are just old and boring." Her dress is about eight inches too short and about two sizes too tight but it pales in comparison to Ana's. _Oh holy hell, fuck me and no._

"Hi Christian." I'm speechless while Elliot chuckles next to me with his arms crossed. The beer in my hand is bearing the brunt of my displeasure as I squeeze it tightly to try to keep my mouth shut while people are here. She breezes over to me and I automatically bend down and kiss her quickly on the mouth.

"Anastasia, what the fuck are you wearing?" Her face falls and her head whips around as everyone clears out of the room. All the better. "You cannot wear that out!"

She looks hurt and pissed, a dangerous combination in women I've recently discovered and I remain silent, waiting for her next move.

"I'm sorry, I thought you just said that I 'can't wear that out'. Surely I misheard. Now, let's try this again. Hi, Christian." She kisses me again but I'm as dumbfounded as my dick. He's ready for some attention, she's clearly ready to give it and then there's me, unwilling to let her leave the house in the 'dress'.

"Ana, you look hot at hell, hotter actually but if you think I'm going to let you leave in a dress that barely," I turn her around and take a closer look, "and I do mean barely covers your ass, you are sorely mistaken. For fucks sake, you're entire back is exposed and _fuck!_ It's cut so fucking low you can't even wear a bra with it, you're totally exposed!" I take a quick step back when I see the flash of rage cross those bright greens.

"I don't think we've met. My name is Anastasia Rose Steele. I'm 22 and a full grown woman who makes her own rules, her own decisions, wears what she wants, when she wants and how she wants. It's so nice to meet you." And with that she turns and shakes that perfect electric blue wrapped ass across the room where she grabs a bag and snaps at some girl I don't know who's bravely made her way back in. "Let's go."

Elliot and some guy I'm assuming is his friend stand by the door as the women file out and only once they're in the cars do any of us move. Elliot breathes out and rubs the back of his neck while he shakes his head.

"Bro, I realize you're new to this whole thing but you just killed your chances of scoring tonight. Killed, murdered, bloodied and buried."

"Elliot Grey! Let's go!" Kate's demanding whine breaks through the fog and the guy next to Elliot sticks out his hand in a greeting.

"Logan Crawford, Missy's boyfriend. Get a drink or two in her and she'll be fine, I've seen Ana way more pissed off than that." I shake his hand but the look on my face is anything but friendly. _Who the fuck is this guy? Who the hell is Missy? _How many male friends does she have?

The girls are all piled in Taylor's SUV so I numbly get in the Spyder while Elliot and Logan climb into the Spyder I bought him for his birthday earlier this year. _What the fuck just happened?_ The passenger door opens and a flash of blue appears before Ana folds herself in the front seat and buckles herself in. I am totally still and silent, any move on my part could prove fatal.

"I'd like to have fun tonight, Christian. Let loose, dance a bit, drink a bit, maybe even kiss a bit. I thought it'd be a nice way to start your birthday but if you're going to make me feel like shit and make me feel like a slut then I'd rather just go back to Escala. Ray'll be home by 10 anyway." She's looking straight ahead and I still haven't moved. Now what?

"Ana, I do not think you look like a slut, I'm very sorry if I made you feel that way. You look ridiculously hot, illegally hot and the awareness that every man out there is going to be looking at you and eye fucking you makes me crazy. I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did but I can't let you go out when I know every guy in there is going to try to get in your panties!"

She looks down into her lap and bites her lip but doesn't look at me. "I'm wearing this and I want you to come with us. It's up to you." Well, shit, that didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

"Fine, you leave me with no choice but you are NOT to bend over. Hard limit, Ms. Steele!"

"Hard limit? What's that?" _You mother fucking idiot._

"A hard limit in a BDSM contract is something that you won't tolerate at all. A soft limit is something you're open to exploring but reserved about. People, men or women getting a look at you in that dress bent over, hard limit for me."

She bounces in her seat and smiles. "OK. I won't bend over. You, telling me what I can and can't wear, hard limit, Grey." _I should have hired her for negotiations._ All I can do is grin at her and start the car, the low rumble making her eyes go wide and her lips curl up. "I do love that sound! Now go, everyone is going to be there already!"

* * *

The music is loud and just as I expected, every fucker in here is checking Ana out and most of them aren't being shy about it. I've got one arm around her waist in an attempt to hold her close enough so that she's half hidden but it doesn't help much. We're in a roped off VIP area, six bottles of Cristal and two bottles of Belvedere Vodka adorn the table and there are two waitresses waiting to get us anything we want.

Ana's had a few shots but in between I've made her drink water so she's not drunk, just a little uninhibited. I'm not at all surprised that she's a good dancer, with hips like hers there's no way she could be bad and I'm hypnotized by the way they sway to the beat. _Imagine that on your cock. Shit, I shouldn't have done that. _Ana's eyes go wide when I flatten my hand on the small of her back and pull her close, the feel of her body against mine giving me just enough friction to feel a bit of relief.

Ethan and Jose have joined us and upon close observation, outside of telling Ana that she looked hot, they've been preoccupied with other females all night. One of them being Mia.

"What the fuck is that about?" Ethan is dancing as close as possible with my sister, singing and laughing with her in front of everyone.

"Seriously? Where have you been? They've been dating since the party two weeks ago. Shit, I've seen more of Mia in these last two weeks than I have in the last six months. She's become more annoying if you can believe that!"

"Are they sleeping together?" Elliot looks shocked that I would ask and takes a step back.

"I don't know, are you and Ana?"

"Fuck off, Elliot."

"Back at ya. Go ask her yourself Captain Inappropriate!"

"She's 21, he's 24. He's too old for her." I regret it the minute it leaves my mouth.

"Well, Kate's 22 and I'm 30. Ana's 22 and you're 28. Your point?" I just look at him, what can I say really? "Look, I don't like the idea of her hitting nasty's any more than you do but she's a grown woman. She knows how to be safe and responsible and truthfully, he's actually a pretty chill guy."

I don't like it at all but he's right. Mia is only a year younger than Ana and I seem to have no problem trying to fuck her. If Elliot's defending Ethan than maybe he really is a good guy. I watch a minute longer, sipping on my beer before walking back over to where Ana is dancing.

She's shaking her ass to Cascada's 'Miracle' and I enjoy the view until the song ends before pulling her away from some girl she was dancing with and pulling her flush against me from behind.

"You look so good out here, Ana. So fucking sexy. I didn't know you could move like this." She throws her head back against my shoulder and laughs while we start to move in synch. I've got my hands resting on those hips of hers, meeting her move for move, beat for beat. I've danced with Elena but not like this. The air is heavy and hot, thick with lust from the hundreds of people in here looking to score and I'm no different tonight. _I will have her. Tonight._

"My mom told me never to trust a man who could dance." She reaches up and pulls me down by my hair, her breath is hot on my ear and shoots electricity strait to my balls. _Fuck,_ when she moves her breasts brush up against my chest and damn if I can't stop pressing my hard on against her.

"Are you saying I can dance, Ms. Steele?" She throws her head back and I kiss her neck mid-laugh. "Because I can assure you, dancing isn't my specialty." She laughs again and pulls back to drag some girl who's been vying for her attention over.

"Missy, this is Christian Grey, our employer. Christian, Missy." _Who the fuck cares?_

"A pleasure, Mr. Grey, we've spoken a few times but I mostly deal with Ros or Andrea."

"It's nice to meet the other side of Steele Translations. You're doing a good job, thank you." _OK, now go dance somewhere else and leave us alone._ Instead the two of them start to dance together and the hostess comes over to inform me that Mr. Bradley Scott is here and ready to meet with me.

"Anastasia, I'm going to go meet with the owner, come with me." I am not leaving her alone down here with these fuckers all just waiting for me to walk away.

"If you don't mind, I'll stay right here with Missy and the rest of our group, I won't go anywhere, I'm ok, and you've got more guys here than we have people in our group!" She laughs and I grin, I'll do just about anything to keep her smiling.

"I'll be right back." Turning to Ryan I bark at him, "No one touches her or dances with her." He nods and takes a few steps so that he's closer to her. Ana rolls her eyes at him and then blows me a kiss. I do like that little move, even more so because she's the only one who's done it to me.

* * *

"If you've got no more questions, we can hit the sky walk and get a better view of the entire club. It's not for the faint of heart I warn you." He laughs while I follow him out of the office and up a narrow stairway. I'm not overly impressed with the club itself but it's easy to secure and Ana is having a good time so I'll probably buy it just so I can have a safe place for her to go.

The sky walk is narrow and wraps around the perimeter of the dance floor affording a view of everybody and everything below.

"It's a pervert's paradise up here." I fight the urge to roll my eyes and give him a smirk. He's right though, you can see down almost every woman's dress and you can see the people hidden in the dark corners who are all but having sex. As he leads me around I figure out where our group is and squint my eyes to get a closer look at the electric blue dress moving around on the dance floor. I'll be damned if he's going to catch a look at Ana's tits before I do.

What the fuck? Who the fuck is that? I can see Elliot, Ethan, Jose and Logan but there appears to be two more guys who've joined the girls on the floor. Elliot is looking around, for me no doubt, and I can see Ryan moving closer to where Ana and Mia are which is also where the two new men are.

"No fucking way." It's Matt fucking Ryan chatting up Ana, laughing at a joke she must have told and eye fucking her so blatantly that even Elliot is getting pissed. Scott is a few feet ahead, still going on about all the things he's seen up here but I don't give a shit. Not even a little one. I'm halfway down the stairs and pushing through throngs of loud, drunk assholes and when I finally get to the VIP area Ryan has gotten in between Ana and the arrogant prick who has his hand wrapped around her wrist.

"Ryan, he's a friend! Stop!" Ryan takes a step out of the way when he sees me and stands behind Ana while I round on my competition.

"Have you not figured out by now that she's with me? What kind of message do you need sent so that you get that you can't have her? Back the fuck off and go the fuck away." He doesn't move but his friend does, putting his beer on the table and taking a step closer. I would love nothing more than to hit these two.

"Oh my god, Christian! He was just saying hello for gods sake!" I don't even turn around, I'll deal with her later.

"Ana!"

I turn when he calls her name to see her walking away, pushing past our security who scamper after her. "I mean it, go the fuck away and leave her the fuck alone. She's mine." His eyebrows knit but he says nothing as far as I know because I'm already turning after Ana.

"Anastasia!" I grab her arm and pull her into a semi-private alcove but she's stiff and unwavering, her eyes glittering with anger and embarrassment.

"Are you fucking him?" I'm yelling inches from her face but back up as soon as the words leave my mouth.

Those eyes go from anger to absolute fury in a nanosecond but I don't stop there, nope, I keep going.

"Tell me, is he why you're on birth control? Did you fuck him after the Coping Together event? Did you tell him you'd be here tonight? Maybe he could get a quick fuck in while I was gone?"

Her bottom lip quivers but her hand covers it quickly, her breath catching like a hiccup in her throat. I'm shaking, furious at my own visions of Ana and that prick fucking and I swear if he comes anywhere near here right now I'll kill him bare handed.

"Well?" I want to shut up but I can't, the burn of embarrassment flaring on my cheeks but I have to know. I have to know who has taken the pleasure I know she can bring.

"You are the biggest asshole I have ever met in my entire life. I can't believe you asked me that, accused me of that." Her breath hiccups again and her hand flies back over her mouth but now she's got tears in those furious eyes. "I've never _FUCKED_ anyone in my entire life you jerk off!"

_What?_ I must look confused because she drops her hands and squares her shoulders even as her eyes become slits of rage. "Get it, Grey? How big of an asshole are _you_ right now?"

My mind is going a million miles an hour. Surely she can't be a virgin. Does she mean she's never had sex outside of a loving relationship? Making love? That's what it's called.

"Are you saying you've never had sex, Ana? You've never been with a man?" She all but growls at me.

"Now you've got it you fucking asshole. How do you feel now?" Stunned. Blown away. Stupid. _And as lustful as I've ever been in my entire life._

I want to answer her and beg her forgiveness but she's gone, disappearing into the crowd where she walks over to Prescott and speaks into her ear before they disappear. I'm doing what I can to follow them but Taylor stops me and tells me he's getting the car now.

"Where's Ana?" His look conveys his feelings well which is remarkable since Taylor is the most unexpressive person I know outside of myself._ Yea, I know, I'm an asshole._

"Prescott is taking her to Escala now. She was adamant about going to her place but she convinced her that the security company was there finishing the install." _Fuck!_

"I'm going home, tell Prescott to pull over at the Starbucks on Stewart and Western, get me there in four minutes."


	16. Chapter 16

**Authors note: Again, I've got to thank my awesome guest reviewers, I wish ya'll would sign up for an account so that I could respond to you individually! To all of those who have taken the time to review, your encouragement has been well received and I'm so glad to have gotten to 'know' some of you. Thank you!**

**APOV**

"What are you doing? I want to go back to Escala!"

"I've been ordered to wait here, Ms. Steele." Of course she has, Christian Grey strikes again. I'd get out and walk but I'm still terrified of where that prick Hyde is so I sit and wait for the inevitable fight that's about to ensue. Never one to disappoint the driver's door opens along with the one next to me and Taylor orders Prescott out while Christian attempts to get in right next to me.

"Come on, Ana, slide over, we need to talk." I've decided that I'm going to be a child about this apparently because I just keep my arms crossed and look straight ahead until he shuts the door and goes around to the other side.

Taylor begins driving before he's entirely in and his mouth starts running the second the door shuts.

"I am so sorry, so very sorry for my behavior. I don't know what to say, Ana, I know I fucked up and I'm so sorry." God I want to flip him off so badly but I won't, no I'll be the 'bigger person' and take the 'high road'. You know what, no, fuck him, I'll give him the silent treatment a bit longer.

I notice that we're driving in the opposite direction of Escala but I refuse to even ask why. The truth is, if I open my mouth, I'm going to cry out of sheer frustration and embarrassment and I will not give him the satisfaction of my tears.

"It shocked me to see him there and I went crazy. I knew you weren't fu, ah, sleeping with him and I knew you didn't invite him but when I saw him laughing and joking with you and _touching_ you, I lost it. I should never have pulled you away like that and I should never have accused you of anything. I'm being sincere here, Ana, please look at me. I am very, _very_ sorry, _please_ forgive me."

"Tu sei un colossale buco del culo e mi vuole a bussare fuori proprio adesso. Potrei dormire con lui ora solo per parlarvene. Non mi interessa nemmeno se fa male! Spero che lo fa!" Fucker, take that to the bank and cash it. God I am so mad!

"Um, I can't respond to that since I have no idea what you just said." I give him a sneer and continue on in a low cold voice. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"Che deve uccidere, signor Sono il re del mondo e di ciò che dico va. Ebbene ecco una notizia per voi, voi non parlate di me come quella mai più!" This feels good, knowing I can say anything to him right now and really mess with his head. I can tell that he's totally out of his element, apologizing isn't something he does often, if ever, but that shit's going to change, tonight.

"You really hurt me tonight, Christian. As in, I don't even want you near me and I definitely don't want to speak to you." My furious stare is doing a good job of keeping him on his side of the car, he looks like he's afraid of me and right now, he should be.

"I know and I take full responsibility for my actions." I scoff; _of course you do, asshole, what else could you do?_ "I'm embarrassed at how I handled that and it's…new for me, embarrassment. But I know what I did and I can see how much it hurt you and that's all I care about right now."

"_You're_ embarrassed! For fucks sake, Christian! You all but accused me of fucking him in the bathroom at your mom's event and then painted me as a slut, which, at this point you know isn't the case." My cheeks are so red they're hurting but I will not let him get away with this type of behavior. "There will_ never_ be a time where treating me like that is ok. If you have an issue with me or you're upset about something, try this instead; _talk to me like a human being._ I've seen you snap on your employees, on your staff, on your family and frankly, I'm surprised it took you this long to go after me but the difference between them and me is there is no way in fuck I'm going to take it. Impetravi?"

"I think you asked if I understood and I do, loud and clear. Am I forgiven?" Ugh! I flick the light on and look at him, roll my eyes three times in a row and then flick the light back off.

"Mostly. I'm still upset but I won't light your apartment on fire anymore." He laughs heartily and after a few seconds it becomes contagious and hard as I fight it, I can't help but start to laugh as well. Even Taylors shoulders are moving up and down.

"God, Ana. The shit you come up with kills me." He chuckles a few more times before wiping his eyes and looking at his lap.

"A virgin, huh? Can't say I saw that one coming." Oh my god, if these doors didn't self-lock while the car was in motion I'd throw myself out onto the street.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business but yes."

He breathes out slowly and shakes his head while he contemplates what he wants to say. I swear to god if he touches his hair again I'm going to shave it off while he sleeps.

"You're still mad, you've said fuck more in the last nine minutes than you have the entire time I've known you." I can't help but laugh again.

"You say it enough for both of us! And the rest of the State of Washington!" The newfound lightness in the car feels much better than the oppressive anger. I need time to process what just happened and sitting next to him while he smells so good and looks so good isn't the right time so I make a conscious decision to let it go. This man just intoxicates every one of my senses and that does not make for good contemplation.

"It's my favorite word I guess." He shrugs and turns to me, looking at my profile since I can't look directly at him yet. "I really didn't know, I would never had thought that you were a virgin. I mean, fuck! I showed you my playroom!" Now _he's_ embarrassed. _I like this much better._

"Yea, well, I don't know what to say about that. You were showing me butt plugs and telling me they were for me and I'm just standing there thinking, 'what did I do to make him think I'm into this?'"

"You didn't_ do_ anything, you just_ are_. You have to know what you do to me, what you've done to my world. I mean, how is it even possible that you've never had sex?"

"Would you lower your voice, for fucks sake Taylor can hear you!" He reaches up and taps the privacy glass. "When did that happen?"

"When we were laughing before, I don't want anyone knowing our, I'm sorry, _your_ business."

"Oh thank you _so much_, Mr. Grey. Instead I get to discuss it with _you_."

"How? How is it even possible?" His question isn't one I've asked myself and I shrug and say what comes to mind first.

"I don't know, I've never dated anyone very long and the guys I _have_ dated haven't been around long enough for me to sleep with. I've never really been all that interested to be totally honest." I'm going all in, here's me, take it or leave it.

"Wow. I'm speechless. You are _so fucking hot_ I almost feel bad for the guys you told no to." He quickly continues, "I'm glad you did though, don't get me wrong. Fuck, I've been making myself sick thinking about the guys you've been with."

He's shaking his head and so am I at this point. _What is wrong with him?_

"Right. Anyway, it's officially your birthday so happy birthday, Christian. Way to start your year!"

He shrugs his shoulders in embarrassment.

"Thank you, Anastasia." Grabbing my hand he taps again on the glass so that Taylor knows to go to Escala. "I'm very glad I get to spend the day with you and I'm very sorry for tonight. I wanted you to just go out and have fun and I'm the one that ruined it for you."

"You're forgiven but this is your get out of jail free card. Next time, it's a lighter and your couch." He smiles and kisses my hand sending a charge straight to my barely concealed groin.

"Understood. How was the rest of your day?"

I grin, I'm not that easily distracted but he did put forth the effort to take care of me even when he couldn't be there and he did come running to make tonight right immediately.

"It was good, really relaxing." Well, most of it anyway. There is nothing relaxing about getting a Brazilian wax. Every time I get one I curse out Kate for talking me into it in the first place before we went to Malibu. "Kate made me buy this dress that you so sweetly told me you hated."

"Ana, I like it too much and so did every other guy that saw you in it. I should've known Kavanagh talked you into it." He doesn't miss the pointed stare I'm throwing his way. "And I'm sorry about the way I acted then too. Shit, this was a real clusterfuck of a night for me, huh?"

"Speaking of clusterfuck, have you called Sawyer yet? We went to visit him this afternoon and brought him lunch. Which I'm sure you know all about since you are omnipresent. Anyway, he was happy to see us, a gaggle of women infiltrating on his bachelor pad. Lots of leather and wood, you'd probably love it." I give him a snide little grin and he gives me one right back. "Anyway, he's doing well, I brought him the entire DVD series of Mad Men to keep him busy. Said to tell you he'd be back in a week."

"I know, I've spoken to him every day. Your father called him as well to thank him for protecting you. Was the nurse there?" I scoff and laugh a bit.

"Oh, she was there all right. She didn't like anyone of us getting too close but Heather, you remember my friend Heather?" He nods "Well she was _very_ interested in his bandages and wanted to hear all about how heroic he was. Don't worry, he kept his mouth shut except to smile but that nurse did NOT like Heather by the time we left. I think the car you sent him was all the incentive she needed to try and hook her claws in."

We've pulled into the garage at Escala and head into the elevator together, my shoes in my hands since my feet are killing me.

"Do you want me to carry you so you don't have to walk?"

"Don't even think about coming near me right now." He grins and rolls his eyes but turns towards the wall once the doors close.

"I'm not an animal you know, I can control myself."

I'm surprised to see Ray awake in the living room reading a book when we get home, he's usually in bed before 11 and it's close to 12:30.

"Hey, Annie, Christian. What the hell are you wearing young lady?" I resist the urge to roll my eyes, instead slitting them while Christian throws his hands up and walks into the kitchen.

"I told her Ray, but our girl doesn't listen to anyone in case you haven't noticed."

"Hi Dad, I had a good night, thank you. How was yours?" He gives me an annoyed sigh and waves me off unwilling to get into a battle with me. _Smart man._

"Good, it's always good to catch up with the guys, see what's going on, bitch about the president or congress or the Senate. Between seven ex-military, you're bound to have some good fights. Anyway kid, I wanted to say goodbye, I'll be heading out early tomorrow, around 7a or so."

He hugs me close and I fight the urge to ask him to stay. I know he would but he's got a life and a business to run back in Montesano so I bite my tongue and hug him back.

"Thank you so much for coming, I'm sorry I ruined your fishing trip."

"I'd do anything for you, Annie. Nothing else is nearly as important as your safety. Listen to Christian, do what he says, let him take care of you. He knows what he's doing, he's got a good team and the resources to pull it all off so let him. We'll get this guy, there's no way me or Christian will let him get away with this shit."

"He's right, Ana. We'll find him. Ray, a pleasure to meet you, I'm sorry it was under such vile circumstances but I do appreciate your help with everything." The men shake hands with vigor before Christian turns to me.

"I need to make a phone call but I'll be finished in 10 minutes or so."

"I'm going to bed now anyway so don't rush. Be ready at 8a tomorrow for your birthday celebration to begin. Lightweight pants, t-shirt, good boots or sneakers." He smiles and turns to go but I call after him, "Oh, and Christian, no phone. All day."

I'm rewarded with a drop of the jaw but he's not working tomorrow if I can help it and separating that phone from him is the only way to ensure that. Ray and I say our goodbyes and I lay out what I want to bring for tomorrow and then fall into bed to dream of over bearing men and short blue dresses.

* * *

"Good morning, Mr. Grey. Phone? Oh, and happy birthday!" Damn he looks good in everything doesn't he? Even in cargo pants, a grey t-shirt and hiking boots the man still looks like he stepped off the pages of GQ.

He smiles at me and hands me his phone which I promptly lay on the breakfast bar.

"If there are any emergencies your staff has been instructed to contact me. Your family knows to call my phone as well so there is no reason to have yours. Now, are we ready to go?"

"You tell me, Ms. Steele, you're the one running the show."

After a another quick look at him I grab my bag and head down to the garage where Taylor waits with the keys to the Spyder.

"Good morning, Sir. Happy birthday." Christian tries to hide his smile and nods once at him, taking the keys before attempting to take back some control.

"You'll be following us I presume?"

"Uh uh uh, you don't get to ask any questions. I've covered security and put Taylor in charge of that entire aspect of our day so you don't need to think about it."

"I'm training you well then, Ms. Steele." Oh god that smile is infectious. "I'm allowed to drive?"

"Well I wanted to but I didn't think you'd let me drive your car so that's a concession I'll make. The only one! Oh! I'll need your wallet too, I almost forgot!"

"Are you crazy? You have totally lost your mind if you think I'm giving you my wallet. And damn right you aren't driving my car."

"Get in the car and hand me your wallet, Grey. I will consider your acquiescence to this request as payment in full for last night."

He waves the wallet around, tapping it on his open palm, "You're good, I'll give you that much. Fine, anything to put that behind us for good."

A victory with him is sweet but I don't gloat as he gives the wallet to Taylor who will be tailing us with Prescott and Ryan all day. I'd rather it be just the two of us but I'm not foolish enough to think Christian would let us leave without them. The engine roars to life and we pull out while I direct Christian to our first destination.

"The Ballard Sunday Farmers Market." He's confused, I'm excited.

"A farmers market?"

"Yup, they have a really great farm to table breakfast here and then we'll get some things for the next part of the day. Come on!"

I know that Christian likes being outdoors, the few personal effects that I've found in his apartment and office didn't lend themselves to any useful information but Mia is a wealth of it. Our entire day will be spent outside, starting with breakfast. An omelet for Christian, pancakes for me and a celebratory mimosa. Afterwards we wander around for 20 minutes or so and pick up a few things for later.

Back in the car, top down, directions given, I grab my phone and put on Ellie Gouldings 'Anything Can Happen' on as loud as possible. The freedom and excitement I feel makes me feel giddy with possibilities and I sing along, throwing my arms out to feel the sun and wind. Today, I will not stress out about anything and if Christian's huge smile is any indication of his mindset, he won't either.

Once we park in the lot for the Lower Coal Creek Trail he gets out and stretches, amused and happy.

"Well, this explains the shoes and your outfit."

"Hey, what's wrong with my outfit?" I've got my Athleta pink tank and khaki hiking pants. He's hopping from foot to foot as I change from flip flops to sneakers but I've already agreed to let Prescott run ahead to check things out first so we need to kill a few minutes. "Stop jumping, you're giving me imni."

"Imni?"

"Anxiety in Gaelic. Seriously, stop jumping around, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I'm excited and nothings wrong with your clothes. You look cute. I'm used to seeing you all girly or in workout clothes, that's all." Prescott jogs to the end of the trail and gives us the go ahead so I grab the bag of snacks and take off with Christian by my side.

* * *

"You have got to stop, you're driving me insane! I have two eyes that work and a pretty good awareness of my surroundings, just worry about yourself. Geesh!"

"I can't help it, if you fall you could really reinjure yourself, you really shouldn't even be out here yet." _He's just being thoughtful, he just cares about you._

"I feel fine, totally back to normal so don't worry about me getting hurt, ok? Just enjoy being away from everybody and everything and make friends with nature."

Prescott waves us over to a flat clearing and I spread the sheet I packed while Christian unloads the food we picked up at the market. In typical male fashion he's halfway through the gourmet cashews before I even sit and somehow managed to eat a pear as well, core and all.

"That is so gross."

"What? I took the stem off! Did you want some of this 'grass fed free range local organic artesian extra sharp cheddar' with your bread? And what happened to cheese?"

The playfulness of his mood thrills me and I reciprocate in kind, joking and making the conversation light and fun while we laze about until it's time to go.

"Come on, we've got to go." I jump up but he grabs my hand and pulls me down so that I'm lying on top of him.

"I want to kiss you." And he does, his large hand resting on the small of my back while he lifts his face to mine, kissing me gently and slowly. I relax on top of him and melt against him as he sucks gently on my lips and runs his other hand over my ass, squeezing it and pushing my groin into his. _Oh god, I like his hands on me._

"Christian."

"Mmm?" I can't really answer him since his tongue is in my mouth but I do pull back enough to squeak out a few words.

"We have to go, we're already a little late." His hand snakes to the back of my head and I feel his fingers against my scar but I don't react and neither does he. Instead he moans again and flips me onto my back immediately cupping my breast and grinding against me again. "Oh god, nevermind."

I feel his grin as he pinches my nipple through my shirt before lifting himself off of me.

"Uh uh. I want the rest of my day. Come, let's go." Well shit! He lifts me by both hands and kisses me quickly but deeply before we pack up and start the 2.5mile trek back. Once at the car I hand him a duffle bag and order him to change.

"Where? Here? In the parking lot?"

"Suddenly you're shy? There's no one here but your security team and I can't imagine the things they've had to endure over the years. Come on, suit up." I climb in the car and change myself, laughing as I see Christian doing his best to peek in while he puts on his jeans and clean t-shirt.

"Here you go, you'll need this." I hand him a Mariners baseball hat and hot damn when he puts it on along with his aviators he's hotter than I've ever seen him. _Oh my god he's so hot._

"OK, can I guess where we're going?" I nod and he grins, "Baseball hat, almost 1p, jeans and t-shirts, I'm guessing baseball game?" He seems happy and I clap my hands together with excitement.

"Yes! Elliot said you like the Mariners but he couldn't remember the last time you guys went to a game so he and Kate are meeting us there."

He looks surprised but pleased and as he backs up, he stretches his arm behind my seat to see where he's going, mumbling about not remembering either. His arm is perfect, strong and slightly tan, the muscles cut and defined and I squirm in my seat to alleviate the feeling building up between my legs.

* * *

"Happy birthday, bro!" Elliot shakes his hand as we find our seats. I wanted to be up in the nosebleed section just so Christian could really be 'normal' for the day but Elliot convinced me otherwise so here we are, the first row behind the dugout of the Mariners.

"Happy birthday, Christian." Kate gives him a quick kiss and then hugs me and hands him a beer and me an iced tea. "I still don't know how you don't like beer, Ana but the wine choices here were awful."

When the waitress comes by, I order hot dogs, nachos, fries, soft pretzels, sausage and peppers and of course Cracker Jacks. Christians eyes are huge but he says nothing and eagerly grabs the sandwiches when they get to us. I guess these seats_ do_ have their advantages, waitress service at a baseball game? He and Elliot are in the middle of Kate and I and while I find baseball to be boring as hell, listening to them go back and forth on players and pitches makes it entertaining and fun.

Every few minutes Christian leans over and kisses me, mostly on my cheek or a peck on my lips and if he's not eating, he's touching my knee or my back, playing with my hair or holding my hand. I love the affection and his carefree attitude. I've seen him with Elliot numerous times and it's clear that his older brother really cares about him but I've never seen them engage like this. Laughing and cheering, yelling at the umpire and high fiving the people in our little circle.

Even though the Mariners lost the guys are in high spirits and Elliot hugs me on the way to the car while Christian is in the bathroom.

"Ana, I don't know what you're doing to him, but whatever it is, don't stop. I've seen him smile more today than I have in his entire life and I'm being serious. Who knew he could be fun to hang out with?"

"I'm really happy to hear that, Elliot. So you're still willing to take him now to the bar for an hour or so? I just need enough time to get dinner ready but if he's home, he's going to go to work."

"I'm actually looking forward to it, we just need to convince him to leave your side." Just then Christian comes over with Kate and puts his arm around my shoulders, kissing my hair and giving me a wink.

"Hey, I need a few minutes to get the last part of your day set so Elliot is taking you out for a beer. I'll expect you both back at Escala at 7p, that gives you two hours. Not too drunk though, ok?" Christian looks a bit put out, I can tell hanging alone with Elliot wasn't on his list but he'll just have to learn to enjoy his brother.

"OK, two hours, no more."

Kate and I take off in Elliot's Audi Q7, a gift from Christian last year for his birthday and head back to the apartment. I've hired someone to come in and help with cooking and cleaning up so that Gail and Taylor can join us tonight as guests but I still want to be the one to make him dinner.

Marcella is right on time and I show her what I've started. She'll handle the steak au piovre and the oysters while I'll make the vegetables and of course the potatoes that Christian loves. Kate gets going on setting up the balcony the way I want for our dinner party while I whip up a chocolate cake and frosting. Mia claims it's his favorite which makes it a must have for tonight.

At 6:20 I jump in the shower, blow dry my hair and get dressed in a flirty plum dress that Kate's let me borrow. It drapes nicely and shows off just enough cleavage and curve to make it enticing without making it suggestive. Strappy gold sandals set off the demure tone of the outfit and I make my way out to the great room just as Grace, Carrick, Mia and Ethan arrive with Grandma and Grandpa Trevelyan.

"Ana, this is such a nice thing for you to do, I can't tell you how excited we are to be here." Grace kisses me on both cheeks and then pulls me in for a hug. Mia is bouncing, literally bouncing with excitement and runs around showing Ethan the apartment and the small touches she was allowed to make.

Ryan announces that Ros and Gwen are on their way up, I've told Taylor to relax and enjoy himself and I'm pleased to see he and Gail laughing on the balcony with cocktails in hand. Elliot texts just then to let me know that they're five minutes away which is just enough time for me to plate up the raw oysters and make Christian a drink.

I hear the two of them laughing in the foyer but it quickly stops when they turn the corner to see us all standing there. Nobody yells out the traditional, "Surprise!" since I asked that they not but instead they greet him with kisses and hand shakes, telling him happy birthday and joking about how old he is now. I wait until the end so that I can enjoy the sight of him being literally surrounded by the people in his life who love him and approach him last, handing him the gin and tonic before kissing him on the lips softly.

"You did this?" He looks incredulous and a bit lost. I know he's not upset, there's an emotion in those eyes that I can't quite pin point but anger isn't it. It's almost a disbelief that these people would want to be here to celebrate him.

"Yes, I hope you don't mind that I gave Taylor and Gail the night off and hired someone to help with the food. Gail knows her and I had her sign an NDA plus Taylor pulled a background check on her."

He shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair and I notice that he still hasn't blinked.

"It's fine, I'm just surprised. I can't believe you did all of this for me." I scrunch up my face and shake my head a bit.

"Why not? I care about you deeply and it's your birthday. People love you and want to celebrate with you, Christian. Now go and change out of that t-shirt and be back in one minute, I'm starving!" He smiles, a huge panty dropping grin and kisses me again before walking to his room to change. When I turn Carrick is standing there, drink in hand but frozen to the spot.

"You must weave some powerful magic, Ana. I can't believe the transformation in my son the last few weeks. Grace and I are truly grateful." I wave him off and take his forearm to guide him onto the balcony where the rest of the guests are drinking and talking.

When Christian joins us he's dressed in jeans and a white button down but has no shoes on, a glimpse into the freedom and comfort he feels right now and I kick off my own shoes and shove them under the lounge chair where I'm sitting with Ethan while he tells me about the fishing trip he just went on. Mia has long since checked out of the conversation but Christian stands next to me and interacts with Ethan while he rubs my head and plays with my hair.

Marcella signals to me that she's ready to serve and I encourage everyone to take a seat at the table. I'm really happy with the way Kate has designed it with white decorations on black accent linens. Christian walks to the head of the table holding my hand and pulling out the chair closest to him on the right. Mia looks about ready to cry until Elliot walks over to her and whispers in her ear. _What was that about?_

When Marcella presents the table with two large platters of raw oysters Christian looks at me and smiles before squeezing a lemon wedge on one and bringing it up to my mouth.

"Well played, Ms. Steele. I can't wait to see what's next." The mood at the table is light and cheery, Carrick and Ros are sparring over certain new tax shelters that are about to be put in place by the State but the banter is amusing and entertaining. As I suspected, Gwen is a force to be reckoned with but in an entirely different way than Ros. She's ultra-demure, almost quiet but underneath that is a shrewd and brilliant woman who likes a good argument.

Kate, Mia and I help Marcella to serve up dinner, I refuse to allow Gail to even refill her own drink tonight, a gesture that has Taylor actually smiling.

"I was hoping!" Christian exclaims when he sees the potatoes I've piled on his plate. He eats one immediately and I lean down to kiss the top of his head affectionately. I want to live in this moment, surrounded by friends and family, enjoying a perfect summer night with a man that I adore. It's perfect.

The conversations around the table flow easily, even Christian interjects on topics that don't include work much to everyone's surprise. He doesn't seem to notice the emotional stares his family throws his way throughout the night and when the cake comes out and we sing "Happy Birthday" I can hear the crack in Grace's voice.

He looks like a little kid with his huge grin and shimmering eyes. When I tell him Mia suggested the cake he gives her a random kiss on her cheek and she almost cries, again. Once he's distracted she comes over to me and takes my hand in hers, tears shining in her eyes.

"Ana, I don't know how to thank you. I've never in my entire life seen Christian this happy or relaxed and I know that it's because of you. Thank you!"

"Mia, that's really sweet but it's all of us that he's responding to. Not just me, I just organized it, with your help of course!"

"No, you don't understand. We've always had dinner for him on his birthday and he's always been sullen and withdrawn, moody and distant but tonight, he's_ here_, totally present and happy. You're the reason for that, everyone here can see it." She hugs me quickly and runs off to grab the few gifts that people brought for Christian.

I'm able to spend a bit of time with Gwen while Christian opens his gifts, most of which are gag gifts or accessories related to his boat._ He has a boat too?_ He's surprised when he opens a jar of Iranian caviar from Ros and holds it up to me while he says something about me trying this next. _No thanks!_

Gwen leans over and rolls her eyes. "$12k for fish eggs. Ros was adamant but really, what do you buy a billionaire?"

"I bought him an omelet and hot dogs. Trust me, he prefers the caviar!"

I'm relaxed and anxious all at the same time, the last of the guests are getting ready to go which means that it'll just be Christian and me alone. I thank Marcella and hit the down button on the elevator before turning to find Grace waiting for me.

"I'm going to have Mia drop me off so I've got to run, she's waiting downstairs. Carrick needs to speak with Christian privately for a bit, I'm sure he won't hold him too long." Oh god, the implication is pretty clear and as hard as I fight the blush, I feel it creep up anyway. Carrick and Christian appear then, each with a brandy in their hands and Carrick kisses Grace.

"I'll be home shortly. Tell Mia not to set the alarm if she goes back out."

Christian looks irritated and I don't blame him but it's rare that his dad asks anything from him. He kisses and hugs his mother goodbye, her face lighting up at the contact with him. After she gets on the elevator he turns to me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I shouldn't be too long but he says it's important so I've got to hear him out. What are your plans now?" Well, I was going to try and seduce you but I guess that'll have to wait, not like I was nervous enough about it!

"I'm going to get ready for bed, maybe read a book or something. Just come find me when you're finished." His face falls but for gods sake his father is standing right there!

"OK, well, thank you so much for tonight and for today, Anastasia. It was bar none the best birthday I've ever had. I shouldn't be too long." My heart soars, I knew he enjoyed the day but hearing it makes the effort worthwhile. He turns to his dad and gestures for him to follow him to his study but at the last minute turns back to me and blows me a kiss, a move so un-Christian like that both Carrick and I do a doubletake.

* * *

**CPOV**

A fucking virgin. Well, technically virgins don't fuck so just a virgin. How is that even possible? The woman exudes sex, literally leaving a trail of salivating men in her wake and she's never let any of them into her panties.

_I have to have her._ I've always had to have her but now, it's an immediate need. Knowing that I can possess her entirely, make her mine and no one else's, fuck that is the hottest thing I can think of. I've never understood the fascination with virgins, historically I'd rather have an experienced woman who knew what to do but this, this is a game changer for me. Nothing would make me happier than being the first, and only, man to ever be inside Anastasia Steele.

That blush that I love isn't just for show apparently, she really is just that naïve and inexperienced. Shit, can I do this? Can I pursue her knowing how innocent she is and knowing how disgusting my past is? I have been tormenting myself with images of her with other men, all for nothing! The decision to press ahead is an easy one, I simply cannot allow anyone to touch her. It has to be me, she belongs to me only.

Much to my dismay Ray is up when we get back to Escala, I was hoping to have her in my bed tonight but even I know it's a nonnegotiable for her as long as he's here. I'venever been happier to see someone leave and that's saying something.

Sleep eludes me again as I wrestle with myself. I want nothing more than to be the first and only to fuck her but I also feel like someone more deserving of her should be the one to take her for the first time. Who am I kidding? My internal debate is moot, she's the only one who can decide who she sleeps with and even if I signed a contract in blood stating that I'd refuse her should she come to me, I know I wouldn't.

Waking on my birthday is bittersweet. I'd like to have had her next to me but I know she's next door, probably still warm and supple under the blankets. Taylor and I go for a six mile run and then come back to shower and get dressed. I have no idea what Ana's got planned but I'm not too proud to hope that it includes her naked and spread waiting for me. _Fuck that image just does it for me._

Seeing her sweet smile waiting for me in my kitchen makes me smile and though I had planned on arguing her demand that I leave my phone, I just can't tell her no. Until she tells me to give up my wallet. If she thinks she's paying for anything she's out of her mind but her promise to fully forgive my transgressions last night are the incentive I need.

I hand it over to Taylor with a whispered warning, "I want to know every penny she spends today and I want it wired into her account on Monday morning." He just tips his head to the side and gets in the SUV he and the rest of today's team will be tailing us in. _Did he just ignore me?_

A farmers market._ OK._ It seems a little strange but once we sit for breakfast, which I admit was amazing, and then stroll around I begin to actually enjoy it. Ana's in her element here, surrounded by beauty in the shape of food, flowers and trinkets. She engages with everyone and the transformation of these tiny interactions, from stranger to new friend is fascinating. It seems that I'm not the only one she captivates.

* * *

"Watch where you're going, you almost tripped on that tree root."

Her perfectly manicured hand flies to her hip and she turns to me and wags her pointer finger in my face. I'm trying hard not to laugh, she really is the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.

"You have _got_ to stop, you're driving me insane! I have two eyes that work and a pretty good awareness of my surroundings, just worry about yourself. Geesh!"

Yea, yea. I need you in one piece so that you have no reason to not let me sleep with you tonight. The security team has long since finished installing a state of the art alarm and monitoring system but she doesn't know that and Ray is probably back in Montesano so there should be no reason she can't spend the night with me. _Naked and writhing in pleasure under my body._

I want to see her come so badly my balls hurt with the desire for it. I've been one walking erection for over a month now and no amount of self love is going to help that, only that hot little body lying on the sheet in this meadow is going to end my torment.

Our impromptu picnic is nice, I've never just spent time with someone for no real reason. It was always for business or a family obligation. I've certainly never spent time with a woman I was dating since I've never dated to begin with. I'm on my back looking up at her sitting next to me. She looks stunning. Her hair is a mess on top of her head, there are few dried leaves and blades of grass on her shirt and pants but it all adds to her appeal.

I'm not ready to go when she is, I've been so busy imagining the ways I want to fuck her that standing would be painful right now so I pull her on top of me and look for a little relief. Not the best of my ideas, the warmth of her body on top of mine only makes my groin hurt more but I can give as good as she can and I squeeze her breast, pulling her nipple while she moans under me. If I'm going to be hot and horny all day, so is she.

It only screws me up more though because now I get to watch her bounce down the trail with her nipples showing until we both change into jeans and t-shirts. She's cool as a cucumber but I can barely button the fly on my jeans. I can't wait to take my payment for the constant hard on I've had since meeting her.

I'm psyched when we pull into SafeCo Field. I haven't been here since before Elena came into my life and being here, with Elliot, is a good feeling. I'm sandwiched between him and Ana and as I eat my disgusting nachos and watch her pick the peanuts out of the Cracker Jacks I feel, for the first time ever in my life, truly happy and free. _She's freeing me from myself._

Elliot and I head to a bar near the stadium with Ryan to grab a few beers. He's obviously in love with Kate, why I don't know, but she's not so bad I guess.

"What about you man? You drop the L bomb yet?" He sips his beer and looks at me intently.

"The L bomb? What the fuck is that?"

"Love. Did you tell her you love her yet?"

"What the fuck business is it of yours? Shit, Elliot, are we going to do this hearts and flowers brother bullshit now?"

He looks hurt and I feel like an asshole.

"No, we aren't. I just thought we were in a different place. You've never been this….accessible to anyone and it's nice to see, it makes me happy for you. I thought you'd want to share it but I was wrong. No worries, forget I said anything."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm so used to being an asshole that I go right to it. I'm…working on it." He sips his beer and raises his eyebrows surprised that he got that much out of me. He's right though, I do want to talk about Anastasia, I want to shout from every building top how amazing she is, how sexy she is, how happy she makes me and how much I love her. Well, there it is, the L bomb as Elliot puts it.

"I haven't told her yet, no." I'm pulling the label off the bottle in front of me, too embarrassed to look at him. I'm not saying anything more, it's too hard still.

* * *

I am stunned speechless when I walk into my apartment. My entire family, including my grandparents are waiting for me along with Ros and Gwen and Taylor and Gail, dressed for a cocktail party and not for work. After greeting them all I reach for my girl and pull her in tight, grateful but unable to say it. Since I've met this woman, I've had a constant hard on and a ball of emotion stuck in my throat.

I'm still running my hands through my hair when she orders me to go change. I need a minute to regroup and sit on the edge of my bed to wrap my head around the day. They're here for _me,_ not because they have nowhere else to go but because they care about me. _Why have I never seen it before?_

For fucks sake I'm even happy that Ethan Kavanagh is here and spend time actually trying to get to know him. _What the fuck is happening to me?_ I want to get to know the guy who my sister is dating and engage him in a conversation that I'm actually interested in. Having Anastasia next to me is just icing on the cake.

Love. I've heard people yap about it for years, been invited to a shit ton of weddings over it and have been talked out of it by Elena. For as hard as I denied it and as many times as I gagged hearing about it, I can't deny that it's found a place in my life. Looking around the table at my family and friends I realize, a bit sadly, that it's always been here, I've just never acknowledged it. But these people, they're sitting here in my apartment, eating and drinking, talking and laughing and it's _for_ _me_. But it's _because_ of Anastasia.

She's laughing at something my grandfather just said, her shiny chestnut curls bouncing as she throws her head back and laughs, her eyes reflecting the candle light perfectly. _I love her._ I've thought it before but watching her now, knowing her as well as I do, spending the time I have with her, I allow myself to believe it. I, Christian Trevelyan Grey love this woman next to me. As if she hears my thoughts she leans over and presses her face to my arm, squeezing my fingers that are interlaced with hers. _Does she love me too? Could she ever?_

After cake and gifts, I'm anxious for everyone to leave so that I can be alone with Ana but my dad corners me and casually mentions needing to speak with me.

"Tonight? Can't it wait until tomorrow?" My father or not he's still a man and the look I shoot him says it all.

"I'd rather not wait, 10 minutes tops." _Fuck!_ The man hardly asks me for anything and it's only 10 minutes….

"Fine, we'll speak in my office, let me let Ana know."

I'm pissed when my mom says goodbye, I was banking on her staying so that Ana would have to entertain her. I can't hide my disappointment at Ana's mention of reading and I hope against hope that she's just embarrassed to say anything else in front of my father.

* * *

"Does the woman in this photograph look familiar to you?" I take the grainy photo from him and study the woman in the picture before handing it back to him.

"No. Why?"

"Her name is Agnes Perkins, she works in your accounting department, I'm not sure exactly what she handles but I know she's worked for you for about three years."

"OK, and?"

"The gentleman in this picture is Lawrence James. He's currently under investigation by the SEC for running a Ponzi scheme. One of his larger clients hired my firm in the hopes of pressing a lawsuit before he's indicted by a grand jury so that they could reap a larger percentage of any found monies. We in turn hired someone to follow him so that we could learn who his associates are and follow the money from there."

I do not like where this is going.

"He's met with this woman three times over the last two weeks, each meeting is private and held in different non-descript locations. You know the drill, we investigate anyone he meets with to learn the relationship, the implications etcetera. I had her background check run once we found out her name and received the report this morning." He hands me a one page document listing the basics and his concern is glaring, right there in black and white.

Employer: Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

"Now, I don't know for sure if she's laundering money for him using GEH as a cover but if she is, this could be an enormous legal and financial headache for you. I have to present this to the DA's office who will in turn hand it over to the SEC. I should have done it as soon as I made the connection but I wanted to give you a few days to get your people ready. I can hold off until Tuesday morning but that's it."

**Fuck!** This is bad. Even if she has nothing to do with the scheme, the implications that somehow GEH is connected to this could destroy my company.

"Dad, as an attorney, what do you think I should do?"

"Put her on paid leave first thing Monday morning and then hire an outside firm to audit any and every account she ever worked on from day one. Have an investigative firm look into any interoffice relationships she had and have those accountants audited if necessary. The second something comes up unclean, you call me and the rest of your legal counsel. You'll survive this but only if you have outside firms handle it."

"I'll also get PR started in on the potential fallout. Fuck, this is so not what I want to deal with right now."

"I know and I'm sorry but I needed to give you as much time as I could so that you could prepare. It could take weeks for the DA's office to even begin an investigation into her or they could demand a search and seizure of anything she's worked on. We may get lucky and find out she's not involved at all too."

"What's the likelihood of that?"

"Slim to none." We're both tugging at our hair but I'm pacing the room while he stands still, his head the only thing moving as he follows me from one end to the other. I hear the stopper from the Waterford crystal decanter on one of my rounds before he steps in front of me with his arm extended.

"Here, drink this, calm your nerves and go find that beautiful girlfriend of yours. I just wanted to make you aware of this bullshit so that you could get a head start on it and put the necessary safeguards in place. I'm sorry it had to be tonight but like I said, this is time sensitive."

I shoot back the brandy enjoying the slow burn on the back of my throat before escorting him to the elevator. He sticks his hand out and I shake it, hugging my mom is one thing, hugging my dad is an entirely different beast.

"Thank you, dad. I appreciate you coming to me and I really appreciate your help. I'll call you tomorrow once I speak with my team."

"Happy Birthday, son. You have a good night." He winks and I roll my eyes but the second the door closes I run to my bedroom, hoping that Ana is waiting for me there but it's empty, the bed is turned down like Gail does every night and I stand in front of Ana's door listening to the water run in the bathroom.

"Damn."

I'll give her a few minutes before I knock because I'm _not_ sleeping alone tonight. I lean against the wall opposite her door and tug at my hair for a few minutes before I head to my room. I'll deal with Agnes Perkins tomorrow. Tonight I've got one thing on my mind and it isn't business.

* * *

Tu sei un colossale buco del culo e mi vuole a bussare fuori proprio adesso. Potrei dormire con lui ora solo per parlarvene. Non mi interessa nemmeno se fa male! Spero che lo fa!**-translates to** "You are a colossal asshole and I want to knock you out right now. I should sleep with him now just to tell you about it. I do not even care if it hurts! I hope it does!" in Italian

Che deve uccidere, signor Sono il re del mondo e di ciò che dico va. Ebbene ecco una notizia per voi, voi non parlate di me come quella mai più!**-translates to** "That must kill you, Mr. 'I'm the king of the world and what I say goes.' Well here's some news for you, you will not speak to me like that ever again!" in Italian

Impetravi**-translates** to 'got it' in Latin


	17. Chapter 17

**APOV**

By the time I finish brushing my teeth and washing my face my nerves are shot. I had the rest of the night so well planned but now it all seems so stupid. _Freaking Carrick!_ The apartment is dark and quiet when I go to look for Christian, only the moonlight streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows sheds any light. I feel like an intruder, not because he's made me feel that way but because the place he lives in is cold and hollow, only his bedroom and the library have any warmth in them. It's only 11 and I can't imagine that he's gone to bed already so I muster as much courage as I can and knock on his bedroom door. He doesn't answer. Taking my chances I push it open only to hear the shower and see a sliver of light from the bathroom where the door isn't quite closed.

I'm relieved for some reason, _maybe I'm not ready to do this._ Or is it just the lingering and oppressing fear of rejection and inadequacy that stay with me no matter how hard I try to rid myself of them? Logically I knew he hadn't left just as I know he'll come to find me if I leave this room but those ugly feelings override logic every single time.

The bed is turned down as if this was a hotel and I walk over to the closet where he's thrown the white button down he had on earlier. It smells of him and when I close my eyes and inhale, a distant pulse begins to beat in my womb. The water turns off and I bolt from the room, dropping the shirt where it was and closing the door silently behind me only to curse at myself in the hall.

Quietly shutting the door to my room I sit on the edge of the bed and think over all of the things he's shared with me over the past few weeks. Could I do this? Could I give myself to a man who has only known harshness and control in his physical relationships? Would he expect that from me if I went to him tonight? Would I be able to hold onto him or would he tire of me and leave me gutted and destroyed?

The muted sound of the piano draws me out of my thoughts, the tune haunting, sad even, but I'm drawn to it because I know it's him. I'm afraid of the feelings I have for this man, of the pieces of myself I've handed over to him so willingly and of how vulnerable I've allowed myself to be already. _Can I give him the rest of me?_ The hidden places of my heart that I've tried so hard to hide so that no one could hurt me? Yes, I can.

_I want him._ Plain and simple lust born out of instinct and attraction to not only his body but to his heart. I want all of him and I want it tonight.

Christian had let me into his tiny inner circle despite the extreme caution he took with everyone else and he'd shown me his secret. Not the one about the sex or the abuse or the subs but the one about his heart. Fragile, hurting, painfully beating and _mine._ The first night we spent together I knew in my subconscious that he was mine, it was an intimacy born of the soul that I couldn't deny even if I couldn't understand it. This man, this extraordinarily wealthy and powerful man, more physically perfect than should be allowed, is hurting and needs protection and damn it, I'm going to be the one to do it.

This is uncharted territory for me, that of seductress. I'm not one for romance novels or movies and I look at myself in the mirror and pull my hair from the ponytail before I dab a bit of gloss on my lips and try desperately to calm my heart rate down. _Go to him._

The music grows louder as I walk down the hallway and when I round the corner, he's there in the moonlight wearing nothing more than his drawstring pajama bottoms while his fingers expertly dance over the keys.

I flick on the kitchen light so that he knows I'm here before I lose my nerve and he glances over, a brief hiccup in his playing as he looks me up and down. The cream satin tank and short pajama set is as far from leather and chains as possible but he doesn't take his eyes off of me the entire time so I can only assume that he likes it. I fill the kettle and put it on as he plays the same sad melody over and over and even after I've filled a mug and walked it over to him he doesn't take his eyes off of me.

He raises his brows, indicating that I should put it on the coffee table and then motions with his head for me to sit next to him on the bench. _God he smells so good,_ spice and body wash and something distinctly Christian. Where our arms and legs are touching there's a heat, an electric current that rushes through my entire body. He stops playing, flexing and stretching his fingers over the keys as if to shake off the current that I know he feels too.

"Hi. I'm sorry for waking you." His voice is soft and gentle as he looks at the keys in front of him.

"I was awake anyway, I looked for you but you were in the shower." He seems a bit surprised but also pleased. "You play so well, when did you start learning?" He sighs as if remembering a painful memory and my heart is heavy with the sadness he carries within him.

"I was six, my mom played and I wanted to make her happy so I started lessons. It's turned into something more for me though, a way to process my thoughts without having to think."

"I know exactly what you mean, music to me is almost spiritual, it speaks to me more than any words can." He smiles then but doesn't turn to me.

"What was it that you were playing before?"

"One Last Wish."

"It was beautiful but sad. Do you know anything happy?" I tease and he immediately plays a lively version of 'The Entertainer'. I giggle at the ridiculousness of the song after the somber mood of the one he was just playing.

"God I love that sound." His eyes close as his fingers fall from the keys to his knees.

"What? The Entertainer?"

"No, your laugh. It's become my favorite sound." He looks at me then, turning his body slightly so that he can rest his hand on the bench behind me. I can feel the creep of the blush on my neck and my eyes settle on his which are staring at the low dip of the satin top.

"Oh." He looks at me then and the savage lust I see sets the pulse I felt earlier on fire. My mind races to say something, anything. "I made you tea. Chamomile. I thought it might help you sleep."

"I don't want tea, Anastasia. I want you." _Oh my._ His hand brushes a few strands of hair behind my ear and then rests on top of mine in my lap. "All of you, you're all I think about."

"Christian," is all I get out before he leans in to kiss me, pressing his lips to mine, the hand behind me running the length of my back to tangle in my hair. His mouth moves against mine, his tongue stroking mine before he bites my bottom lip, the tug only just not painful. I lean into him, holding onto his well-developed arms, the muscles shivering under my hands while his moan vibrates against my tongue sending liquid rushing to my sex.

"Christian," I say again but he grunts and lifts me onto his lap holding me closer against him and I let go of all of my hesitations, all logic, all thoughts. It's just me and this man. His hand skates over my shoulder and cups my breast, his breath catching just as mine does at the contact. Rhythmically he rubs his thumb over my nipple, kissing my jaw, my ears, and the column of my neck until he buries his face in my hair and gently bites the top of my shoulder.

Every place his lips touch burns me from the inside out, the fire coursing through my body looking for a way out before it consumes me. I need more, I need to be closer to him and I lift myself up and straddle him, my legs dangling off the back of the bench on either side of him.

His eyes are dark grey, stormy and feral and for a moment I can see his struggle to leash the desire he has for me before he gives up the fight and growls, pulling my hips against his, his erection hitting my belly and the junction of my thighs. _Oh shit, oh god._

"Fuck" he moans as he kisses me again and grinds into me. "You are so sexy, Ana. So unbelievably sexy. I want you so much." I can't speak, words seem to have escaped me so I respond by kissing his cheeks, the corners of his mouth, shyly leaving kisses across his jaw and onto his neck. When I lick up and bite his earlobe his hands grip me so tightly it hurts and he pushes himself harshly against me. "Fuck!"

_Clothes, too many clothes._ As if he can read my mind he lifts the hem of my shirt, a small raise of his eyebrows seeking my permission. I just lift my arms and feel the satin glide over my skin until the chill of the air hits my nakedness.

"Oh, God, Ana. Perfect, so perfect." His hands immediately knead my breasts, both of his thumbs stroking my nipples at a slow torturous pace. I need him, I don't know how or exactly _what_ it is I need but I know he's the only one who can give it to me.

We're kissing, harshly, demanding and still his thumbs don't stop until he tugs and pinches what are now rock hard nipples. "Oh!" He kisses me again down my neck, licking my collarbone and suddenly I feel his wet tongue flick over the pebbled flesh and I inhale sharply. Over and over he laves me, lashing me until he sucks me in deep, rasping the sensitive bud with his teeth. "Ah! Oh god!" His large hand is holding my back so that I can't move and I can only absorb the pleasure coursing through me.

"So fucking hot." He whispers again as he kisses his way to my other breast, my sex rubbing against the hardness between his legs. He's licking, biting, sucking, twisting, pulling and suddenly the ache of desire in my belly reaches a fever pitch.

"Christian, Christian, Christian!" _What is happening?_ Oh fuck I want more, I _need_ more but I'm afraid, the sensations overwhelming and frightening in their intensity. There's a darkness swirling in me, twisting tighter and tighter.

"Shhh, it's ok baby, let it go, give it to me. Come for me, Ana." And I do, the feel of his tongue, the nip of his teeth, the heat of his breath, the pinch of his fingers the thrust of his hips is all too much and the dark coil unfurls, whipping wildly inside of me, shattering and fragmenting me.

"Christian!" I scream but his hand holds me steady even though I can feel his body tense against mine and in that moment of physical splintering, I know that I am his. I fall limply against his naked chest and lay my head on his shoulder while he strokes my back softly. _So that's the big deal._

I can't stop the giggle that bubbles up and he pulls back to look at me, "What's so funny?"

I can only cradle his face in my hands and shake my head.

"Nothing, I just, I've never….what _was_ that? I mean, I know what it was but holy shit!" and I giggle again like a school girl. His expression goes from incredulous to satisfied in less than a second.

"Ana, have you never made yourself come? For real? I thought you were joking." I shake my head and he kisses me again running his hands over the top of my thighs, his thumbs dangerously close to my slick sex. His eyes get impossibly dark with intensity with my revelation, there's nothing playful about his mood, this is Christian Grey, full blooded alpha male. My wetness increases with his words.

"I want you, Ana, I need you. Please let me make love to you." His voice is hoarse, strained, and it vibrates over my skin, awakening me to different sensations. He's kissing me again when I feel his hands slip under the hem of my shorts. One of his thumbs runs up my seam, the other following in its wake. Over and over he runs over me, the moisture seeping through my panties and onto his thumbs.

"Oh god." I'm floating again, that deep ache beginning to throb again. I pull away and look into his eyes.

"Please." he says again and I realize I never answered him.

"Yes." His fingers stop and he blinks.

"Yes?"

"Yes, I want you, Christian." He stands hastily, holding me firmly against his waist by my ass as he all but sprints to his bedroom. We're panting, kissing and touching when he stands me at the foot of the bed and I can't resist running my hand down his face.

"Here?"

"Here? What do you mean?" He asks in between kisses and nips to my neck and ear as he unties the satin bow on my shorts.

"You said you didn't have sex in your bed." _Just tell me I'm different, I need to hear it._

He pulls away, a shocked look on his face. "Ana, I _want_ you in here, _only you_. I want you everywhere, _only you._ I want nothing between us, no rules, no limits, no barriers. You and me." I'd cry but he kisses me again grabbing my ass and backing me up to the edge of the bed, dropping to his knees as he licks between my breasts.

His teeth nip my hips and his tongue licks from one side to the other, circling my navel while his hands pull down my shorts. He kisses me, _right there_ and then inhales, his nose applying a delicious pressure where I want it most.

"You smell so good, Anastasia. Intoxicating. So fucking good." He inhales again and then gently lifts me onto the bed where he looms over me and hooks his fingers in the waist of my panties pulling them down my legs and leaving me exposed and totally naked to him. I want to cover myself but I don't and he runs his hands up and down my calves staring unabashedly at my body.

"You are a mighty fine sight, Ana. I can't wait to be inside of you." He leans down again and wraps one arm around me, sliding me up the bed until my head is on the pillow. "Beautiful, so, so beautiful." His lips whisper over mine as his hands touch me everywhere except where I want them the most.

I look at him then, really look at him and my heart skips a beat at what I see. Undiluted affection, love and a fierce dedication stare back at me and he blinks in an attempt to calm the intensity he knows is there. I know he wants me, the thick rope of pulsing flesh against my thigh is evidence of that. But in this look he communicates the things his voice and body can't. The ache grows deeper and desperate, a chaotic frenzy tearing through me in search of the calm only he can bring.

I take a deep breath and let go, the last hidden spot of my heart opening to him and I cup his cheek, leaning up to kiss him softly._ I love him._

Above me his weight shifts, nudging my knees apart and with lightning speed he whips his pants off and _holy shit! There is no way that's fitting inside of me._ The fear must register on my face because he gives me a sly grin.

"Don't worry baby, we'll go slow. I don't want to hurt you." Like a cat on the prowl he stretches himself over me so that every inch of our skin is touching. "I've wanted you since the moment I saw you, Ana. Even then I craved you." He growls and pushes his erection against my leg, looking for contact to hold him over until he can push inside of me.

I lift my leg to accommodate him and wrap it around his hip, running my foot over the back of his thigh. He closes his eyes and kisses me again, his hand drifting over the curves of my body until he's at my knee. He lifts it and pulls me open further and then slides his hand up, cupping my sex, liquid fire filling his palm as he applies gentle pressure. "Ah!" The contact propels me forward in my frenzy so that I lift my hips, desperate for the friction of his touch and I pant in his ear.

"Christian, please."

"Shhh, baby. Soon, I want to make sure you're ready." A long finger runs the length of my slit, opening me up to him and he gently taps my clit, the sensation so profound that I buck up against him and cry out. I'm dripping wet and he moans in appreciation. "You're so wet for me, all for me." His voice is gravely and hoarse, the strain of lust in it fueling my own fire.

My body arches against his and he sucks a nipple into his mouth as he slides a finger inside of me, "Ah! Oh, please, please, Christian." His tongue is circling my nipple with the same precision and rhythm of his thumb on my clit and I'm whimpering, my head rolling back and forth, my fingers tangled in his hair.

Slowly and deliberately he slides his finger in and out, in and out adding another for a few seconds before he withdraws suddenly and grabs both of my hands, holding them next to my head and intertwining our fingers.

"Do you really want this? Are you sure?" My deep breath does nothing to bring about an auditory response but I answer him by opening my legs further for him, feeling the hard muscles of his hips on my inner thighs before finally breathing out.

"Yes, I'm sure."

He moves slightly and closes his eyes to kiss me sweetly as I feel him move down to my opening. With one hand he guides the thick head of his cock down through my lips, separating and opening them until the very tip of him pushes into me. He groans long and low. His hand finds mine again and he lies flat on me, our bodies as close as possible while he slowly slides into me, stopping when he feels the barrier of my virginity. His eyes never leave mine even when he bites his lip and thrusts hard, plowing through it and sheathing himself completely. _Fuck that hurt!_

His kisses catch my cry as he takes my virginity and his fingers curl tightly with mine while I ride out the pain.

"Holy Christ, Ana. Fuck you feel so good." He sighs but thankfully doesn't move. I can feel the walls of my sex spasming, trying to adjust to his size and slowly the pain ebbs. His look is...triumphant.

"I'm going to move now baby, ok?" I give him a slight nod and he kisses the tear away that has collected in the corner of my eye.

"Slowly. Please." His lips skim over mine with a groan when my hips shift under him.

"Anything you need, baby."

Slowly he withdraws until all I feel is the tip and then achingly slowly he pushes back in all the way so that I can feel is his balls against my ass. _Oh, this feels good._ I'm moaning as he repeats this over and over, my body slowly soaring higher and higher.

"You are so tight, Ana. So tight and wet and hot for me, just for me, only ever for me." The pain is gone and now it's just pleasure, the unbelievable pleasure of being spread wide and entered by this man. I feel full and feminine, the steady stream of groans and grunts coming from him help to make me feel sexy. _He_ makes me feel sexy.

He leans over me and lifts my leg by the back of my knee so that he's pressed up against me, his other hand curling around the top of my head as if to keep me from leaving. "You" he says with a small roll of his hips, his copper hair falling in his eyes. "Belong" his free hand squeezes my breast, rolling my nipple between his fingers. "To me." And he slams into me, the air rushing out of my lungs. "You feel so good, Ana. So beautiful, so sweet."

His words are tender but his thrusting is not. It hits the ache in me over and over as my knee slides into the crook of his arm, spreading me wider for him. "Oh god, Christian." He doesn't stop, the look on his face one of concentration. I can see his jaw tense before he rests his forehead on mine but he quickly lifts his head and I feel him grow thicker and stretch me further.

"Ana, baby, I'm gonna come. Oh Fuuuuuck! Fuck! Ana! Fuck fuck fuck!" He's pumping furiously into me and with a roar he comes, his body jerking and trembling in my arms even after he's finished thrusting.

He lies on me for a minute, shivering with aftershocks, his rapid breathing slowly returning to normal. When he can lift his head he presses his forehead to mine and gently untangles his fingers from my hair but keeps hold of my hand.

"That was amazing. I knew we'd be good together but, _fuck,_ that was other worldly." He smiles down at me and kisses me sweetly.

"Is it always like that?" I have to ask, I have no idea what was supposed to happen outside of the obvious. I brush a lock of his hair off of his face and he kisses me as he pulls out. I feel bereft immediately.

He chuckles and lies on his back next to me. "No. That was indescribable." He rolls to his side and rests his hand on my breast. "How do you feel, baby?"

"Alright, it hurt in the beginning but then it felt good." _Oh come on with the blush already!_ His fingers trail the skin on my arm, lifting my hand and studying it.

"Good, hmmm? I'd like to do better than good."

"I'd like to do it again." Mustering up my own feminine power, I meet his gaze straight on and he smiles, his eyes wide with joy.

"Would you now?" He shifts closer and begins to kiss my face while his hand begins to knead. "Good, because I'd like a chance to redeem myself." _Redeem? Redeem what?_ Those lips on my neck are distracting the hell out of me.

"You can do that already? Ah!" Christian presses his hardening cock against my thigh and gives me a shit eating grin. "Oh. OK." The wetness coating my inner thighs is embarrassing me and I need to take care of what I'm sure is an embarrassing mess beneath me. "I'll be right back, just give me a minute."

"No, stay, I'll handle it." Mortification. _Oh my god_….but oh his ass is perfection, the tight muscles shifting under his skin as he walks, the indentations on the sides begging for my attention.

How is it that physical perfection personified wants _me?_ It doesn't seem possible. I'm lost in my own thoughts when I feel the sheet slide down and the mattress dip. Gently he lifts my knees and cleans me and as embarrassed as I am, mortified really, he does it with such tenderness that I know, in some way, this holds enormous meaning for him.

_It's his fault anyway..._I peek a look at him and damn if he doesn't look pleased with himself. He gives me a goofy grin and then notices the lip between my teeth, his look turning stormy in an instant.

"Stop biting your lip, Anastasia. It does things to me." _Oh, right._ I sit up on my knees and kneel next to him at the edge of the bed and look at the sheets, humiliation written all over my face.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. "I'll try to clean them tomorrow."

"Stop it. You should never be embarrassed with me, Anastasia. Besides, I want to frame these, hang them from the rafters and wave them around every fuckers face that wants in your panties."

"Christian!"

"Do you know how many men would love to be me right now? But I'm the one here, and I'll be the only one ever here." _Ever?_ He moves to kneel behind me and leans forward, his breath tickling the small hairs on my neck while his tongue rims the shell of my hear, shocks of desire shooting to my toes. "You are mine, Anastasia. Mine."

His hands cup my breasts, lightly pinching my nipples. "These, are mine."

His finger runs over the seam of my lips and scrapes against my teeth. "And this is mine." I'm breathing shallow now as my lungs try to catch up to my heart. His hands run down my sides and grip my hips, pulling me against him. "Mine."

Without warning he glides over my mound and slides a finger between my folds sinking his middle finger into me. "And this, this is mine." Slowly he pumps in and out, the palm of his hand resting against my clit, applying just the right amount of pressure as he peppers kisses on my neck and back. My head falls against his shoulder, the moans I'm making filling the air around us as he sucks on the tender flesh right below my ear.

Just when I think I can't take it anymore he slowly withdraws and lays his hand flat against my heart. "I want this to be mine as well, Ana. I want all of you. Is this mine, Anastasia?" he asks softly, shyly even. Quickly he turns me towards him so that our knees are touching. "All of you, Ana. I want all of you. Tell me who you belong to."

_Belong to? ME!_ I want to scream but the harsh truth is that I'm his as much as I'm mine. "Who, Ana?" I can feel his heart pounding against his chest as he waits for my answer.

"You, Christian. Only you." The breath he'd been holding shakes out of him and I want to touch him, put my hand over his heart but I can't. _One day._ Instead I lift his hand, entwining my fingers with his and ask, "Who do _you_ belong to, Christian?"

His eyes widen with shock and his voice is soft.

"You, Ana. I've been yours since the moment I saw you. You own me, you always will." I gasp at his words and the conviction of them. There are so many emotions dancing behind his eyes but he remains silent and lets go of my hands to run his along the length of my body.

They're huge compared to my small frame so when he palms my ass they each cover a cheek entirely, a grip he uses to his advantage when he pulls me against him, moving his erection against me.

"I want to feel you come around my cock this time." _Oh fucking my. Yes, sir._ I want to grab his ass, specifically those indentations I was just looking at and I do, wrapping my arms around his waist, careful not to touch his chest or back.

His hands glide under my butt and down the back of my legs, lifting me and laying me flat across the bed, sliding into me again. No preamble, no build up, just the long, hot, thickness of pure male sinking into my already wet slit. There is no pain this time.

* * *

**CPOV**

Fuck, I'm so close already._ Holy fucking shit she feels amazing._ I want to savor this, feel every millimeter of her around my cock but if I dwell on the sensation, I'm going to come already and fuck if that's going to happen again.

"Shit, Ana. Fuck!" _Concentrate, Grey!_ But how can I with that curvy sweet body laid out in front of me, her eyes closed in pleasure, those soft lips trapped between her teeth and my GOD those perfect breasts with those perfect, _absolutely perfect_ pink nipples. I have to suck on them now! The sounds she makes drive me wild with need and even though I'm inside of her, I'm not close enough.

When I pull away they're red and puffy from the ministrations of my mouth and another jolt of desire shoots strait to my balls. She's everything I ever thought she'd be and damn if I didn't think about her often enough. My fantasies didn't do her justice, her soft, pliable body is perfection down to the hotter than fuck noises she makes as I thrust into her.

Sitting back onto my heels I slide my hands over her tight, smooth belly and hold her hips as her body bows, her arms stretched out above her head in a bid to find leverage against the headboard. I slow my thrusting down and watch as her legs open wider, the need in her begging me to come closer, deeper, harder. _Oh fuck look at her! _

I push in as far as I can and circle my hips, pressing against her so that she opens fully for me, each thrust a direct stimulation to her clit. "Ah!" she screams, her head lifting from the sheet while her hands grip the sheets above her.

"Christian, please, I need more, more." She whimpers and arches her back so that when I rise to my knees it's only her shoulders and toes on the mattress.

"I know, baby, I know. I've got you, open your eyes, Ana. I want to see you while I fuck you." I tilt her hips a bit for more contact and she cries out again. She's in my bed, wet and spread wide and I slow down for a minute to take a mental picture. I never want to forget this night.

"So fucking beautiful. Fuck you're gorgeous." I can't take my eyes off the bounce of her breasts or the way my cock glistens with her arousal. I can feel it dripping off my balls and lean down to suck her breast again as the tingle of climax moves to the base of my shaft and I grit my teeth to hold myself off. _Just another minute, that's all I can take._

I could do this all day, thrust into her perfect pussy while I suck on her perfect breasts while she makes those perfect sounds out of her perfect mouth.

I feel the quiver run through her and tell her to look at me again, "I want to see you come on my cock, baby. Come for me, Ana, let me see you." Her eyes lock on mine and she becomes impossibly tight as I slam into her at a relentless pace until she screams my name even as I roar hers. Her fingernails are digging into my arm and fuck if that doesn't just add to the pleasure as I shoot off like a rocket into her.

I pull her up to hold her close and feel the walls of her pussy milking me until I collapse on top of her, my full weight bearing down on her. _Unreal._ Another all-consuming orgasm so soon after the last one. _What is she doing to me?_

We stay like that for a moment, both of us lost in the intenseness of our climaxes and the intimacy of this moment._ This is what Flynn was talking about._ Intimacy.

"Christian, I can't breathe" She giggles, tightening around me but after two of the most violent orgasms that have turned me inside out, I'm a bit sore and damn it if she isn't incredibly tight. But I do love that giggle so I debate the merits of staying here until I get hard again because I'm nowhere near finished with her.

"You have to get up, Christian. I seriously can't breathe." When I lift myself off and out of her she winces but so do I. Her arms go slack and she smiles up at me with heavy lids and traces my lips with her finger.

"Tired, baby?" _So precious._

"Mmmmm? Yes. That was nice." _Nice?_ Baby, that was way past nice. Her hand holds the side of my face and she smiles at me, her eyelids closing even as she lifts her head to kiss me one last time.

She rolls onto her side and I tuck her against me, wrapping my arms around her to keep her next to me at all times. "Sleep beautiful girl." _This feels so good._

Ana is asleep in seconds, the steady rhythm of her breathing a balm to my soul. I'm tired, exhausted really but I want to savor every second of the time I just shared with her and I relive certain moments to commit them to memory. The way her breasts bounced out of her top when I lifted it up, the rush of heat I felt on my dick when she came for the first time. Now _that_ was a breathtaking sight, Ana, coming under the ministrations of my mouth. I had to kick my feet and think about a business deal gone south to avoid coming in my pants like a 14 year old boy. I could feel the precum dripping down my shaft and when she said she wanted me, I wasted no time getting her in my bed.

My bed. I just fucked, excuse me, _made love_, in my bed. Vanilla. And it was _amazing_, the most amazing sex I've ever had and I've had a lot of sex.

The way she smelled, the sight of her bare pussy in my hand, arousal coating my palm as I got her ready for me. I knew her skin was flawless, I'd studied it hard enough at the pool party but the shade of pink her nipples are and the way she gets a blush from head to toe just turns me the fuck on.

It was when she was on her back beneath me, her hair fanned out on the pillow, her naked body open to me that I wanted to remember for the rest of my life. The way the heat rolled off of her, inviting me in and the way she opened to me like a flower when I got ready to take her. But what killed me, broke me in two and healed me right back up was the tender way she cupped my face and kissed me before she gave me her virginity.

And_ oh god_ the sensation of her tight wetness around me, how many times had I fantasized about her, wondered what she looked like, smelled like, tasted like, sounded like, felt like. She did not disappoint. Nothing about her was a disappointment. Even now with her sweet little naked ass pressed against my groin she's nothing but perfect.

Everything about her screams purity right down to her pale pink finger and toe nails. Lifting my head a bit I look for the white lace panties I took off of her, purity and carnality wrapped up in a pretty little package. _Well, not so pure now_ I think as I chuckle against her neck. It pleases me immensely to see them lying on the floor near my closet and I reach down to touch her nakedness. _Mine, totally, completely, wholly mine._

I took her virginity, or more accurately, she _gave_ it to me. _Fuck!_ She gave that to me and when I saw the mix of our fluids and the unmistakable proof of her virginity on the sheets I went from semi to full hard on. For 22 years she had held onto that and she had chosen me, this fucked up husk of a man to give it to. She trusts me, the evidence was right in front of me and damn if I'm not going to prove her right. It felt like an honor to clean her afterwards, almost as if I could absolve the sin of tainting this wholesome woman.

Virginity had never held any weight for me, I saw no real value in it until Anastasia told me that she still had hers. Then, it meant everything, a gift for me to treasure and cherish. Suddenly, I get the appeal.

Her little hand grips mine in sleep and pulls my hand against her heart. I'll have to figure out her ring size later, right now, I just want to sleep with the scent of her hair and the feel of her skin against me.

* * *

The moon is still out but the sun is beginning to make an appearance when I wake a few hours later. The effect this has on the sleeping angel beside me is breathtaking. She's turned in her sleep, tucking her hands under my side so as not to touch me while keeping her face an inch from my chest. _Even in sleep she takes care of me._

She looks so peaceful, her lips slightly open, her long eyelashes resting on her cheek bones, the faint sound of her breathing. I've studied her in her sleep every time we've slept together but this time she's mine to study. I'm no longer an intruder on these quiet vulnerable moments and I take full advantage, scanning her slowly to memorize her features. The small dusting of freckles across her nose is fucking cute as hell and I make a mental note to scan the rest of her in the daylight for more.

As carefully as I can I grab my phone and take picture after picture of her like this until she begins to stir. _I could watch her all night._ My chest puffs up when I look at her and think about the fact that my semen is inside of her, I love the idea of her lying here marked by me. No one else will ever have that pleasure.

Fuck, now I've got a hard on and as much as I want to wake her and slide into that tight little pussy I won't. I admit that I do want her sore, I want her to remember where I've been every time she moves tomorrow and if we were going to be apart, I'd do it but we're spending the day together, I'll make sure of that, and I'm going to want her over and over. I have so little control with her but I muster some together and set her latest photo as my screensaver before pulling her close and falling asleep wrapped around her again.

* * *

**APOV**

_I'm burning up, suffocating._ I feel heavy, weighed down and when I open my eyes I can see why. Just like at the Fairmont, Christian Grey, of Greek God status, is lying naked on top of me. His left hand is holding onto one of my breasts and his leg is flung over both of mine. _Is that his, yup, it sure is! Damn he's big._ I smile when I think about the moment I saw him naked for the first time. Terror seized me, how _that_ was going to fit inside me was a mystery.

But it did and god did it feel good. I had expected a bit of pain and I assumed that eventually it would feel good but I was grossly unprepared for just _how_ good it felt. Being the object of someone else's desire, being opened and entered for the pleasure of another holds an awesome power. To see his face while he attempted to leash his lust and hold onto his control even as his body rebelled was a revelation to me.

He took from me as much as he gave to me, the pleasure of my body bringing him to the brink of his restraint and when he trembled in my arms at the end, the sheer vulnerability of this intimacy we had shared hit me hard.

_He is so beautiful._ His hair is in it's usual just fucked state except this time, it really is just fucked. I smile at the thought. I just fucked Christian Grey. _Oh my god! I just had sex! With Christian fucking Grey!_ My hand flies to my mouth to stifle a giggle but he stirs anyway and murmurs against my chest, the stubble of his chin scraping against my over sensitized flesh. I think I hear my name before he kisses me on my sternum and rolls off enough for me to get up.

The remnants of his…..ejaculation….are running down my legs so I hurry to the bathroom to clean myself up. For god's sake, I've just had sex, mind blowing sex, I should be able to say ejaculation without giggling. After I've cleaned myself up I study myself in the mirror. I look the same though my breasts feel heavier and my nipples are red, no doubt from overuse.

My hair is a mess so I brush it out and wet it to tame the curls. There are tiny little marks on my hips from where his fingers griped me and the sight of them makes me want to jump on him and make him grab me like that again.

I'm sore, not as sore as I thought I'd be but he'd been gentle and despite his size I was ready for him. Still, I decide against panties and instead put the white dress shirt he took off after dinner last night on. I roll the sleeves up and walk to the bed smelling it along the way. It still smells like him. Or is that my skin, imprinted with his scent after last night?

The urge to roll him over and tell him to make love to me again is a tough one to fight but a small squeeze of my thighs and I'm reminded as to why I need to wait. As it's almost 9am I figure I'll make some breakfast for us but before I leave I lean down and kiss the back of his neck as gently as I can. Not even six weeks ago I didn't even know this man existed and now, now I can't live without him.

* * *

**Authors note: I would highly recommend looking at the pinterest page for this chapter. Some pretty hot pictures are on there!**

FSSAS/fifty-shades-slow-and-steady/


	18. Chapter 18

**APOV**

French Toast. That's what I'll make, French toast with crème fresh and strawberries. I flick on the space age coffee maker and while it grinds fresh beans and brews I get to work on breakfast. 'Easy' by Lionel Richie is playing at a low volume in the docking station but I still don't hear Christian sneak up behind me so when his hands circle my waist I nearly drop the spatula and scream.

"Fuck! You scared the shit out of me!"

"Mmmm, I like you like this, in my kitchen, almost naked, cooking in your bare feet with my shirt on." He inhales deeply, kissing the sensitive spot just underneath my ear while his hands wrap around my waist and squeeze. "You smell so good, Anastasia." God just the low rumble of his voice sends a wave of wetness between my legs.

"All that's missing is the pregnant thank the good Lord." I laugh as he backs away and holds his hands up as if in prayer.

"Speaking of which, I'd prefer it if you took the shot. I'll have your doctor come to the apartment today to administer it." I watch as he pops a grape in his mouth and continues on to the refrigerator, barefoot and hot.

Since his back is to me he can't see the fire shooting out of my eyes as he pours orange juice into two crystal glasses.

"You want to try that again, Grey?"

He turns to me slowly, the smile on his face dropping when he catches my glare. Immediately his eyes shift to impassive and distant, almost cold and I realize that this moment is far bigger than it seems. This conversation and how I handle it is going to set the tone for future disagreements between us and I will _never_ settle for less than equal footing when it comes to this relationship.

"I said, would you like to try that again, Grey?"

"You're going to burn the French toast." He replaces the carton in the fridge and walks the glasses to the breakfast bar before continuing coolly. "I don't want to leave contraception up to chance. The shot is more effective and you only need to remember it a few times a year. I don't see the big deal, Ana."

"The big deal, _Christian,_ is that it's _my_ body. I say what goes in it, for _all_ things! I've been taking the pill for five years without your help and somehow, stupid me has managed to not forget it even once. What you should have said to me is, 'Ana, I'd be much more comfortable if we could look into the shot and see if that's an option for you'. So, again, would you like to try that again, Grey?"

"It's my body too now, Anastasia." His voice is low, even and cold. Dominant CEO Christian is making his first appearance and while it has the desired effect of intimidation, it does not do a thing to my resolve.

"That's all you heard in my entire statement. That's it?" I flip the French toast onto plates and bang them onto the breakfast bar. Warily he sits down and begins to cut, dipping a piece into syrup before answering me.

"No baby, I heard you tell me, a 29 year old grown man, how to speak." I sit down then, unable to hide the wince when my bottom touches the stool. He smiles in satisfaction and forks another piece. "Feeling a bit sore today are you, Ms. Steele?"

"Nothing a little rest and avoidance won't cure! A few days maybe and then I'll be as good as new." _That how you want to play it, Grey?_ Well challenge accepted. You will not be telling me what to do, chastise me for being offended and then act like my pain is your victory. _Fuck. Off._

I chew slowly, my eyes never leaving his. In all actuality, if he had talked to me about contraception like a normal human being I would have been more than receptive. I hate the pill, can't stand taking it and would have been eager to try something less demanding of my time. But that little stunt he pulled, that was not going to go unnoticed nor was it going to go unchallenged. So the pills would win, even it if was out of spite.

"I will continue with the pills. If you would like me to not have to rely on them, then you can use condoms. In fact, I'm going to stop the pill and you will use condoms effective immediately." This should be good. I shove a strawberry in my mouth before I can laugh at the expression on his face.

"No, I will not be using condoms."

"And no, I will not be told what I am using either. I get that you're powerful and people bow down to you, Christian. I've seen it, it works and it looks good on you. But between us, that is not going to happen. I realize that last night changed things between us, I'm thrilled about it. But if this," I wave my fingers between us, "is going to work, then we need to talk to each other and compromise. Not demand. I will never let you or anyone else tell me what I can and can't do with my body or my life for that matter."

Our plates are empty but we just sit here, knee to knee staring at each other.

"Do you want to leave me already?" He's trying for nonchalance but I can hear the strained panic in his voice.

"No I don't want to leave you! I just want you to understand that that CEO bullshit is not going to fly with me. It's my body!"

"And what a fine body it is. Fine, you can stay on the pill but maybe we can revisit this in a few months?"

"I noticed that you said 'I can' stay on the pill, like you're giving me permission. Don't think I didn't notice that. I will stay on it because I want to. Kay? Thanks." I want to continue the argument, it's fun to watch him squirm but when he stands and moves between my legs, placing his hands flat against my thighs and starts kissing my neck, my anger flies out of the window.

"You like that, Ms. Steele? Do you like being in control?"

"Get used to it, Grey. Ah!" When the back of his hands run over my breasts I buck up against him and hook my feet together behind his butt.

"Let's take a bath, baby. I like you in my shirt but I really want to see you all soaped up." He lifts me and carries me down the hallway and into his huge bathroom. I watch as he turns the tap on and pours oil in, appreciative of the way his back and shoulders flex with even the tiniest of movements.

I'm eager to see him naked again. I'd been so overcome last night and it had been just dark enough that I didn't get a chance to really_ see_ him. Watching him pour the oil, I notice the scars on his back are the same as the ones on his chest. Someone had hurt Christian, had really hurt him. Who? Are they from his lifestyle or from before he was adopted? Was it that fucking bitch dragon?

He turns and I snap myself out of my funk and allow him to unbutton the shirt so that it falls from my shoulders. With one sure tug it pools at my feet and the darkness of desire lays claim to both of us. His protection of all things when it comes to me has him holding my hand as I get in the tub but I let him and make no comment. I'm realizing more and more that whatever happened to him as a child has made a profound impact on the way he views life. To him, there is always a hidden danger, something to lose and the more he can put protections in place, the better he feels.

Once I'm in he pulls his pants down, his huge cock standing at attention inches from my face. My mouth waters. _I want that._

"Scoot forward baby." He climbs in behind me and immediately pulls me against his chest, his hands circling my waist while buries his face in my hair. "I like fighting with you, you come right back at me. It turns me on."

"I'm glad you like it, you'll get it every time you try to bull doze me." _Touch me! Just stop talking and touch me damn it!_

I'm thrilled when he puts his body wash on a cloth and begins to scrub me, I'll get to smell like him all day now. As the scent fills the room he rubs small circles on my neck, down one arm and then the other, around my belly and down my back and finally over the tops of my legs and between my breasts.

"Christian?" I'm relaxed, my head leaning against his chest while my hands float and move the bubbles around. The abandoned cloth is resting on his raised knee as his hands cup and caress my breasts.

"Hmm?"

"Will you ever tell me what those scars are from?" My voice is so small I can barely hear it but I know he heard it because he immediately stops moving and tenses behind me.

"Don't, Ana." The coldness behind those two little words are chastisement enough.

"I'm sorry. I just want to know you better. You know all about my scar." I turn my head and tip it slightly to meet his eyes but quickly look away when I see the distance in them. His hands have dropped to his sides and if I hadn't been leaning up against him, I'd have felt alone.

"One day, Ana. One day I'll tell you all about my fucked up life. But I'd like to keep you around for as long as I can so for now, let's just enjoy each other, ok?"

"We'll need to talk about that too, your self loathing. I hate it." An idea formulates in my head and it's one I plan to enact today. For a man so in control of every aspect of his life, he's still not learned to steer his thoughts.

My thoughts are halted though as he lights my body on fire with his renewed movements. All of the places I'm desperate for him to touch he avoids until at last he drags the cloth over my sensitive sex, a low moan rising out of my chest.

"Feel good, baby?"

"Mmmm, yes" and he continues, opening my swollen lips carefully and washing me with the gentlest pressure, my body responding, wanting so much to be touched. When he finishes I see the cloth drop out of the tub and feel his hand slide to my sex, disappearing beneath the bubbles. I all but convulse when he slides his finger down my slit and when one long finger enters me I do.

His hiss of approval in my ear is the only sound I hear before he begins to suck it gently, pulling the lobe with his teeth. His other hand follows the same path, quickly finding my clit and his fingers circle it slowly, almost lazily. I want to touch him and reach back to grab the shaft pressed up against my back but he grabs my hands and stops me.

"Uh uh. You touch me now and this is all over way too soon."

"But I want to touch you." My words are carried on a moan and he licks the shell of my ear to quiet me while his fingers continue to glide over me and into me.

"No, I want you to touch your breasts." I do as he asks before I succumb to embarrassment. They're heavy and tender but the feel of my fingers brings the relief I'm seeking. His breathing is harsh as he watches over my shoulder. "That's it, pinch your nipples. You are so sexy, Ana. You drive me crazy." I'm panting now, the steady stimulation about to tip me over the edge when he abruptly pulls his hands away and lifts me by my hips and turns me, placing me on the ledge at the far end of the tub.

"I need to taste you, Ana. I want you to come in my mouth."

_Holy shit_, his words alone are going to make me come. He pulls my ass to the edge and lifts my knees, pushing them as far apart as they'll go. I can see everything including his lascivious grin that only gets bigger as he rinses the suds off of me.

"Beautiful." He murmurs to himself while his thumbs gently pull open the lips of my sex. His tongue runs up and down my slit lapping up the wetness pouring out of me. "Fuck you taste so good. So fucking good." His tongue stabs at my entrance and my hands slip in response._ Oh my god!_

Christian kisses the inside of my thighs and slowly slides his middle finger inside me, twisting it and curling his finger forward. The sensation he elicits jerks me forward and when he pulls my clit in his mouth and lightly sucks on it while his finger continues to fuck me I can't help but beg, the need in me consuming me completely.

"Christian, please!" My hands grab at his hair, pulling him closer, twisting and tugging and my legs begin to shake, the pleasure almost too much to bear. He's watching me, hunger in his eyes as he inserts another finger and I scream out his name and come apart, totally at the mercy of his flicking tongue.

The small sucks become longer licks as my body comes down from ecstasy.

Strong arms drag me back to the other side of the tub, lifting me up and placing my legs on either side of him. I'm hovering above him but still incoherent as he latches onto my nipple and pushes me down, impaling me on his rock hard shaft until he's so deep I can feel him at my womb.

"Fuck!" The baritone of his voice echoes against the tiles and I watch him, his head is tossed back, his eyes closed, mouth open in ecstasy. He lifts his head and rakes over my body while I ride him.

"Shit, Ana, you're so tight. Fuck baby you feel so good." His head lolls back again, the pleasure too much. Watching Christian come apart underneath me does something to me and the buildup begins again.

I have to touch him, have to claim him and I carefully lay my hands on the sides of his face. His eyes fling open, terrified and confused. "I won't touch you, Christian. I promise." And though he calms a bit I can still feel his fear hiding at the surface so I move my hands back to the sides of the bath, arms once again outstretched. I'm almost there and judging by the grunting noises and the growing thickness of his cock, so is he.

His hands leave my hips and he pinches both of my nipples between the backs of his index and middle fingers keeping his arms still so that the sweet tug and pull comes only from my movements as I ride him. It's torture, it's relief, it's so, so good.

"I'm going to come, Ana. Come with me, baby, I want to feel you."

His words unbind the coil within me and I convulse around him as my orgasm rips through me. In the distance I hear him yelling "Fuck yes, Fuck yes!" as he unloads into me, wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders and holding me as close to him as he can. After a minute he speaks.

"I'll never get enough of you, Ana. You're it for me, baby, I know it." His words are breathless and rushed as he nuzzles into my neck, his arms still wrapped tightly. "Never leave me."

My heart is pounding in my chest, the words so desperately said that it pains me.

"I'm not going anywhere, Christian. I'm yours, remember?" He looks at me then, my little lost boy, and I hug him fiercely, determined to rid him of whatever demons chase him. He smiles.

"I remember."

Sated and happy we take a quick shower before he throws on a white t-shirt and black basketball shorts while I sift through the drawers of the clothes in the guest room that were brought here for me over the week settling on black workout shorts and a black tank. I've just finished putting it on when he comes into the room.

"Baby, you cannot wear that around the house all day and expect me to leave you alone. No fucking way." He lunges at me, tossing me effortlessly onto the bed before covering my body and kissing me, his tongue licking up my neck. "See what I mean?"

I struggle beneath him and feel the beginning of an erection against my hip but now I really am sore and damn, it's only been 15 minutes! _Was he always like this?_

"Christian, did you…reload as quickly with your subs?"

His mood shifts immediately and he rolls off of me and sits on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his hair before dropping them in his lap and looking at me straight on.

"Do you want to do this? Ask me questions comparing what I did with them to what we do? Because I will always be honest with you, Anastasia but I don't really want to rehash that part of my life. It's certainly not something I want to relive or think about." He looks lost.

"No, you're right. I guess since I don't have anything to draw from, I'm using your past as my barometer. I don't know what's normal and what's not but you're right, I don't want to know, I don't want you thinking about it and I certainly don't want the visual. Forget I asked."

He swings me around and sits me on his lap, kissing the side of my neck before speaking.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know, Ana but not because I want to think about it or talk about it but because I want to always be honest with you and meet your needs. But I will offer you this, what you and I have, what you and I have experienced in just this short amount of time, is not even comparable to what I had."

"So, what we have here, the few times we've…done it…it was good enough for you?"

"Ana. I have never, in my life, had vanilla sex. Never thought it would satisfy me, never thought it would excite me, never thought I'd find someone I would want to do that with. But the best sex I've ever had, I've had in the last 12 hours with you. You're it for me, baby. If I had known there was someone out there that would fill this void in me, I'd have hunted you down years ago."

His fingers hold onto mine and I look at them and blush. They were in me just a few minutes ago.

"I just worry that I'm not good enough for you, that I don't have enough experience to excite you or do things the right way. I'm afraid that I won't be able to fulfill your needs since I'm not going to do a lot of the things those women did." He uses his free hand to lift my chin up and turns my face towards his. We're so close I can see his individual eyelashes and notice for the first time the tinge of dark blue in his eyes.

"You are everything I need. I say that without question. I don't need anything but you. And good enough? Baby, I'm the one not good enough. If you knew the real me you'd run for the hills and never look back." He chuckles darkly against my shoulder and a bubble of panic rises to the top of my gut.

"What do you mean, 'the real you'? You keep saying that. I want to know you, Christian. _All of you_." It frightens me that he's hiding something from me. Shit, if that room wasn't the big bad secret, what was? "What is it? What do you mean?"

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair again. "I'm Fifty Shades of fucked up, Ana. A shell of a man with no heart."

"Ha! Bull shit. You've got a great heart, I know it, I've seen it. _I've felt it._ You can think you're heartless all you want but I know differently and I won't tolerate you speaking so poorly about yourself. I don't know what was done to you, Christian but it was done _to you_. It doesn't define who you are or _what_ you are." I'm angry, upset at whomever has messed up his head so badly.

"Come on, I want a coffee and some relaxation. My lady bits are killing me sitting like this!" I giggle when he gently tickles my ribs but it's the way he's looking at me that takes my breath away. I can only hope that he sees the same reflection of awe in my own eyes.

* * *

**CPOV**

The panic I felt when I woke to an empty bed quickly subsides as the smell of cooking wafts into the open room. I've woken to breakfast almost every day since I moved here but to have Ana making it, after last night, well, that just makes it that much sweeter. _Last night._ I lay my head back down and smile at the memory of her face when I took her virginity. _Mine. _

My intention was to sneak up and startle her but when I turn the corner and she's dancing around in my shirt with nothing on underneath, my plan goes to shit. She takes my breath away. When I can finally move again I promptly put my foot in my mouth, _again,_ when I bring up birth control.

This is beyond my experience, put me in a board room with fifty people who hate me and want me dead? No problem, I won't even break a sweat before I take their companies from them. Put me in the ring with an Olympic kick boxer? Fun, I love it. Stand a 5' 1", 105lb Ana in front of me in my shirt with her hands on her hips and I'm a dead man. _Well fuck me, Ms. Steele, perhaps you'll get your way after all._

Was she fucking serious? Condoms? What am I, 14? Fuck that noise, I am not putting anything between our bodies and I'm certainly not going to miss out on the satisfaction of knowing that I've left my semen inside of her.

There are going to be a lot of changes to Ms. Steeles life effective immediately and the weight of being with someone like me is about to fall heavily onto her shoulders. I've already read emails from Debra, my PR director at GEH and Ana's picture and name have been splashed over every newspaper and every cable outlet there is. I haven't seen the actual coverage but I can only imagine what's being reported. Thankfully there's no coverage of our fight but there are plenty of us walking in and a few of us dancing. _Scumbags._

I can't take one more minute of her sitting there like that and not touching her. Now that I've had a taste of her, my desire for all things Ana has been ratcheted up tenfold.

"You like that, Ms. Steele? Do you like being in control?" She's naked under that shirt, all I need to do is slide my hands up a few more inches…distraction by sex, classic.

I've given my subs baths before, usually after a punishingly hard session in the playroom but I've never joined them. The intimacy of that never appealed to me and even the act of bathing them was one of duty as a good Dom, not about caring. So it's new for me to be in the tub with a woman and while I started my exploration of Ana's sweet body last night, I want more. _So much more._

She tastes sweet, so fucking sweet and good and _fuck, so fucking hot._ I want her. Looking up at the landscape of her body I take in the taut smoothness of her stomach and the small protrusion of her ribs but it's the roundness of her breasts, glistening with the water, and just above them her eyes watching me intently as small moans of pleasure fall from her lips that does me in. _I have to be inside her._

As I plunge up into her I'm rushed headlong into physical ecstasy. Fuck this girl just does it for me. Being ridden isn't a favorite of mine, the only times I ever participated in this was with Elena when I had no say and when I'd have a sub suspended from the ceiling. The position screams submission to me but with Ana, I feel claimed and I'm shocked to find that _I like it_. She just looks so good bouncing on my cock while the water rushes around us.

I can't hold back when I feel her clench around me and cry out my name. The wet strands of her hair plastered to her chest are erotic as hell and I come, loudly and forcefully only to turn into a quiet begging mess a minute later. The fear of returning to a life without her seizes me and terrifies me.

I'm thrown off when she questions my satisfaction with her. Has she not been in the same bed with me? It pains me to think that some of her insecurities are somehow related to my past. Her faith in me astounds me and I cling to her. _Wait until she knows everything, all your disgusting secrets._ I know I should let her go, she should be free to find someone deserving of her affection but I'm a selfish man and pull her tighter to me even while thinking of how I should be letting her go.

Normally I'd work on a rainy Sunday afternoon but the work in my office can wait until tomorrow, I just want to be with her.

"Want to play chess?"

"I don't know how. Will you teach me first and be patient?" I laugh at her gentle chide.

"Yes, get us some coffee and I'll get the chess board and meet you in the library." I kiss her again, the prospect of the few minutes apart from her making me strangely sad.

We settle in at the table in the library and I set the board up taking my time to explain each piece and what they're able to do. She's listening intently, her eyebrows forming a V between them as she concentrates. _Adorable, she is so fucking adorable._

At first she fumbles and gets easily confused but then it clicks and she actually gives me a run for my money. _Smart Ms. Steele, I like that, I like that a lot._ I can almost see the wheels turning as she tries to plot her next move and when she fingers the pieces absentmindedly it's all I can do to not lunge at her. Her mumbling between turns vacillates between different languages and I wonder how her thoughts sound. It's fascinating to me, how this woman ticks.

"Did you let me win? I will kick your ever loving ass if you let me win!" she's standing in front of me with her hands on her hips, my queen in her hand.

So fucking cute I can't stand it. I want her. _Now._ We've been playing for two hours, that's a long enough time to wait, right?

"I swear I did not let you win. I don't let anyone win anything, ever!"

"So I beat you fair and square!" Her eyes are huge now and when I nod yes she squeals and jumps up and down.

Fuck, those tits are perfect. _Keep jumping baby; I'll let you win every time if you'll jump around like this afterwards._

"What do I win? I know! I want you to cook us dinner!"

"Um, no. I don't cook. If you want toast and wine, I'll cook. If you want something to actually eat, then we'll order in." I'm laughing now, actually laughing on a Sunday afternoon. I like this, just hanging out like normal people in a normal relationship._ I want this with her forever. _Is this what Elliot does, normal shit like this? I'll have to ask him.

"I'll cook then. But you owe me, Grey." She bends to clean up the board and snaps back up, eyes wide.

"Oh my god! We never called Kate and Elliot about brunch!"

"I texted him after we took our bath." She blushes at my overly dramatic wink. "Are they expecting you to teach this afternoon?"

"Oh my god! I totally forgot about that too! Does sex always make you stupid?" she giggles and I sigh. _Me and Ana. Sex._ It thrills me that she acknowledges it for some reason, like she's confirming verbally what I still think might be a dream.

"Anyway, no, I'm not due to teach again until Wendsday. You going to your parents for dinner?"

"No, and if I was, you'd be coming with me."

"I don't know about that, Grey. That's serious stuff right there." My mood turns serious as I reach out to her and pull her between my legs.

"I _am_ serious about you. You're the only one who still needs convincing about that."

The attention makes her uncomfortable but she grins anyway and wraps her arms around my neck leaning down to kiss my cheek lightly.

"That was fun, thanks for teaching me. You're becoming quite the mentor." Her lips graze mine before jumping back and sashaying to the kitchen. _Did she just distract me with sex?_

I lean back and drink the last of my coffee bemused by the day, by the woman now singing in my kitchen, by the emotions swirling around me. For the first time in my life I'm not barking orders every hour or angry at someone. After cleaning up the chess game I stroll into the kitchen and watch her chop the onion and garlic in front of her. Billie Holiday's 'You Go to My Head' croons in the background and I watch as she mouths the words. _Is she smiling because of me? Am I making her happy?_

_God damn look at that ass,_ barely covered in those indecent boy shorts, swaying back and forth in rhythm to the music. Visions of bending her over and peeling those shorts down to her knees and fucking her with her hands flat against the floor float in my mind. I can't take one more minute of not touching her and move behind her, her ass bumping against the front of my shorts.

"You'd better watch that ass, Ms. Steele." I lick the spot under her ear that I've discovered she likes and grind my erection against her when she shudders. "If you want to eat dinner and recuperate, then you'd better stop shaking it in my face because I'm barely holding on to my control here."

Ana puts the knife down but I stop her.

"Uh Uh Uh Anastasia. You need to eat, we skipped right over lunch. Plus, watching you cook is a huge turn on for me. What are you making?" It's the truth too, her being domestic is quickly becoming my favorite fantasy. My hands are still on her hips when she resumes cutting, albeit a bit slower now that I'm pressed up against her.

"I was just going to make a quick bolognese sauce over capellini and some garlic bread. Is that ok with you?"

_Baby, you could be making hot dogs for all I care. Just stay here with me and keep smiling and fucking me and we'll be just fine._

"Sounds great. Shall I open a bottle of wine for us then? Red?"

"Mmm, that sounds great, thank you." Her smile warms me.

"I need to address a few things in my office if that's alright with you? Maybe an hour or two?" I don't want to leave her side but the reality is I've got to touch base with Ros on the Agnes Perkins issue and get that sorted first thing in the morning and I need to approve a statement for my PR team with regards to the pictures and stories on Ana and me.

"Fine, I'm going to answer some emails and call my dad. I'll let you know when dinner's ready." I give her a quick kiss on her lips and grab that fine ass one more time before walking towards my office, turning and watching her for one last minute before closing the door. Billie Holiday is now singing 'You Turned the Tables on Me' and I shrug back a laugh, boy, has she ever.

* * *

"Ros, I'm assuming you've been in contact with my father?"

"Yes, and holy shit, Christian, this could sink the ship if it turns out she used GEH as a shelter. I mean, _fuck!_ I don't even know how we'd begin to unwrap ourselves from something like this. I've got Greta from HR looking into her interoffice relationships but so far she seems to be pretty clean."

"You've had Welch vet the auditing company and the individual auditors?"

"Yes but you realize this is going to take weeks to complete? We're fortunate that her access was limited to the companies we were acquiring but she could have hidden ledger entries in any one of the thousands of transactions she handled."

"How many individual projects did she work on?"

"Four but two of them were pretty significant. I did a quick inspection of the financials on them and they seemed pretty on target but I don't know what the fuck I'm looking for. Anyway, Greta will call her in at 9a, I'm assuming you'll want to be there?"

"Yes. Have Andrea put her in conference room four on our floor."

"Sure thing, boss. Let's talk about our other issue." I know where she's going, she's been sending me media reports all day long. "We're going to have a feeding frenzy tomorrow if you and Ana show up together."

"I don't fucking care, Taylor's got a plan for all that shit and I'm releasing a statement for first printing."

"She's something else, I've never seen you smile so much as last night. Gave me the creeps." I can't help the laugh that escapes. Only Ros can get away with this shit. "Even Gwen liked her and Gwen doesn't like anyone."

"Bye, Ros."

"Yeah, yeah, see you in the morning. Nothing like starting the work week off with an audit and a firing."

After emailing Debra the revised draft of my statement, short, sweet and to the point, I check my watch, it's only been 45 minutes that I've been working but I'm antsy to see my girl. I go to check on Ana and she's sitting at the breakfast bar, emailing someone and laughing on the phone. I'm immediately jealous, I want to know who's making her laugh and not until I hear her say 'dad' do I relax and retreat back into my office.

Taylor arrives for a security report, there's nothing new on either Morton or Hyde which pisses me off.

"How the _FUCK_ can the guy just disappear?" My fingers are tapping restlessly on my desk, I didn't want to do this but I feel it may be the best option. "Call Ray Steele, have him contact that friend he said who can track down anybody. Keep it all under the radar, no direct contact or connections to any of us. I don't care how much it costs, use the cash in the safe for whatever he asks. Stress to him that I don't want Hyde killed, I know that once we give Ray copies of those videos along with all of the information we've got he's going to want to kill the fucker and much as that would thrill me, Ana's dad in jail would crush her."

"Oh honey! Dinners ready!" Ana yells coquettishly from the kitchen. I catch Taylors eyebrows rise before he falls back into impassive.

"You're dismissed for the evening. I'm not running tomorrow and I want you to cancel Bastille. We'll leave for GEH at 8am."

"Sir, have a good evening." The prick does his best to turn quickly but I'm sure I see a grin on his face. _Fucker._

Ana is standing at the table spooning pasta into oversized bowls when I reach her. When she turns I lift her to me and kiss the breath right out of her, only satisfied when she goes limp in my arms.

"Hi." She breaths when I finally put her down.

"Hi. I missed you." I'm still holding her, her face only inches away from mine. "Dinner looks and smells great."

"This is my first bolognese, hopefully it tastes great too!" she laughs before gently pushing me away and sitting down. "I made a lot since you didn't eat lunch."

"You really are a very good cook. Everything you've ever made me is awesome, this included." I tip my wine back and stand to get another bottle. "You really are a woman of many talents."

"I'm glad you like it." Her lips rest on the edge of her glass, the last of the wine disappearing into her tempting mouth. "Where are you going?"

"To get another bottle. Did you like this vintage?"

"I like you." Such a simple declaration but it moves me. _Be mine forever, Ana. Stay here and live with me and love me like this every day._

Escala is where I've lived for six years or so now but for the first time I feel like it's home. The white walls and white furniture need to be warmed up, she deserves a space that comforts her and I see for the first time how clinical and isolating my choices have been.

"Am I going to lose you to your office again or are you mine for the night?"

"Baby, I am all yours. Have been for six weeks now. I know what I want to do, what did you have in mind?"

"What were you thinking?" she asks, her finger rimming the wine glass so that I can feel the sensation on my dick.

"My thoughts involve a lot less clothing and you making those fucking sexy little noises that drive me crazy." My cock is twitching, barely contained in these shorts. How the hell have I waited so many hours to fuck her again? "Those shorts and that tank top have been killing me all day." _Oh how I love that blush._

"I was thinking more along the lines of recovery, popcorn, wine and a movie. Maybe we can make out." Her giggle and the sudden bite she gives her lip go straight to my groin, _this is painful now._

"Make out? As in, kiss and feel you up like we're in Jr. High?" _Not exactly what I had in mind._ "I'll take you anyway I can get you, baby. What do you want to watch?" _Man I want to fuck that mouth._

"Is there anything you wanted to see?" She stands and begins clearing the dishes, bending over to put them in the dishwasher as I watch from the counter. I can't take my eyes off of her.

So unbelievably hot. _Fuck me, those shorts are literally killing me._ "Nothing comes to mind." I don't think I could recite my own name right now.

"OK, you make the popcorn and I'll flip through the millions of videos you have. No butter on mine." She throws over her shoulder breezily on her way to the library. What the fuck? Who doesn't put butter on their popcorn? I grin and lean against the counter, here I am on a Sunday night waiting for popcorn so that I can snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. _How does one snuggle anyway?_

"Popcorn, no butter. Freak. Wine, an aged merlot. And me, to make out with. What are we watching?" I slide over the back of the couch and sit next to her and she tucks the corner of a blanket around my legs and 'snuggles' against me. OK, so this is how you do it. I've seen this in the movies before, looked stupid then, feels great now.

"Hunger Games, I read the books last summer but haven't seen the movie."

I have zero idea what the movie is about or if it's any good since Anastasia Steele's body is pressed against mine. I want in that soft warm body, and I want in now. She's read the book, right, I can start 'making out' with her now can't I? Before I can do anything she shifts and leans against the armrest, one leg along the back of the couch and the other on the floor so that I'm lying on her chest, the back of my head cradled in the valley of her breasts.

My initial response is to sit up but I want this intimacy with her so I relax against her and straighten my legs out on the couch. I can do this, I want to do this.

Absentmindedly she begins to run her fingers through my hair, front to back with light strokes. I have goose bumps everywhere and when she begins to massage my scalp and twirl small sections of my hair I melt into her, completely submitting to the sensations. My body is heavy and warm, my mind slow and peaceful. I struggle to find the word to match up to my current state of mind until the word contentment drifts down._ Content._ I've never felt that before but I'm was certain that there is nowhere else I want to be, nothing else I'd rather be doing and absolutely no one else I'd rather be with. Her fingers in my hair, the certain knowledge that I'll bury myself inside of her before nights end and the joy that comes along with being in her presence makes me feel utterly _content._ I let the feeling wash over me.

I am at least a foot taller, easily a hundred pounds heavier and without question stronger than her but in this moment I accept that she has all the power. If Ana were to leave me, it would destroy me. The vulnerability is crushing.

Just as my mind winds up with fear she brings it right back down, lightly running her hands down my arms until I turn and smile up at her. She smiles back and pushes my hair away from my eyes.

"Is this the part where we make out? Because I really can't wait another minute." I kiss her jaw and neck, a light nip there, a lick there. She moans and shifts underneath me inadvertently touching my erection and I groan into her mouth. "Do you know how much I desire you, Ana? Do you have any idea how sexy you are?"

"Christian." She whimpers and the smoldering fire I've banked all day roars to life when she says my name.

She shifts again, this time gently pushing me back so that I'm sitting with both feet on the floor when she straddles me, her hands cupping my face, her kisses sensual and slow. _I love her._

Her eyes don't leave mine when she leans back and lifts her tank top, throwing it to the floor. My hands involuntarily smooth up her silky back and unsnap her bra. With a shrug of her shoulders it slips off and she tosses it to the floor on top of her shirt.

"God, Ana, you drive me crazy." Pulling her to my mouth I suck her nipple deep and hard.

"Ah! Oh my God." Her fingers tangle in my hair, her hips grind down on my hard length while I thrust upwards creating the friction we both so desperately want. My mouth moves to her other breast while my hand reaches between us to slide under her shorts only to find her soaking wet.

"So wet already, Ana."

She leans down to kiss me again and then slides down my lap until she's on her knees between my legs. _Oh fuck_ how many times have I fantasized about this?

Her hands run up my legs before she grips my erection through my shorts, my hips bucking up against the movement, wanting so much more. I've had women on their knees before me countless times, women who knew exactly what to do, exactly how to please a man but this inexperienced woman erases them all. _Take it out, baby, wrap those luscious lips around me._

In one smooth motion she rids me of shorts and boxers, my erection springing free.

I hiss when her palm runs the length of cock, dragging the precum down my shaft and circling back up where her tongue darts out to flick the tip. "Fuuuuuck." My head falls back before snapping up, afraid to miss watching her for even a second.

I'm breathing heavy and fast, wanting so much for her to suck me when suddenly she raises her body and without preamble sucks me into her mouth as far as she can.

"Holy fuck! Fuck yes, Ana, holy shit!" Keeping with the pace she's set she sucks me further, hollowing her cheeks so that I can feel her mouth all around me, her tongue flicking the tip over and over. Her breasts are resting on the top of my thighs and I trace them with my fingers, her appreciative moan only pushing me closer to climax.

When her hands brush against my balls I start to tremble, my legs shaking with exhilaration and attempted control but when she looks up at me, my cock in her mouth, her perfect red lips circling me I can't help myself.

With a strangled garble I warn her, "Ana, if you keep this up, I'm going to come in your mouth. If you don't want that, you need to stop now." _Please don't stop, please don't stop._ She moans again and dives down and I give up trying to hold back.

"Oh fuck I'm gonna come, baby." I grip her hair so hard she startles but she doesn't stop even as my hips jerk against her and I come, long and hard deep in her mouth and she swallows with me still inside, the pressure of her throat extending the hedonistic pleasure.

"Holy shit, that was amazing." I can't catch my breath, I'm still coming down from the single best blow job of my life when a terrible thought occurs to me.

"Have you done that before, Ana?" Irrational, I know. I don't care. She's mine, no one can have these memories of her. A shy smile crosses her face, the pink blush I love so much sweeping over her cheeks.

"Uh uh. Never, another first, Christian." Sweet relief.

"Well fuck me, you're a natural. Come here, I owe you an orgasm." I'm eager to taste her again and grip beneath her arms to lift her and lay her on the couch, peeling off those damn tiny shorts and spreading her legs immediately. "Damn you're hot. I've wanted you naked all day." I growl before lowering my face to hers. I kiss her deep, long hot strokes of my tongue along hers working her up and when I slide two fingers in her wet opening she almost comes immediately. Tasting myself in her mouth shoots my dick right back to full hard on, I want to mark her everywhere.

"Not yet baby, I want to taste you first. You taste so good I want you to come in my mouth again."

I move to the floor and pull her forward so that her back is against the back of the couch and she's open to me, legs spread wide. _Beautiful._ I kiss her lips then, wet from the arousal sucking me off has created, and she grips my hair, willing me to suck on her clit. Instead I circle her opening before tonguing her as deeply as I can. "Stay still baby."

"I can't! Christian, please." She begs and as much as I want to prolong this and enjoy her, I really want to slide into that depth so I quicken my pace; gently sucking on the tiny bundle of nerves that delivers such pleasure to her. "Oh God! Oh God!" She comes within seconds, the pulsing waves of her orgasm radiating off of her body and as her pleasure begins to recede I pull her down from the couch and swiftly enter her, sheathing myself in her wetness.

"Fuck!"

I slam into her at a punishing rate, she's audibly wet by now, the residual shudders of her orgasm pulling me in deeper. I lift her legs so that our only points of contact are my hands on the back of her knees and the thrusting of our sex and come hard, so hard my teeth throb with the force of it and I collapse on top of her, her legs wrapping around me as I come down.

"Unfuckingbelievable." I look at her then and brush the hair from her face. "You are unfuckingbelieveable." I withdraw from her, lift her in my arms and carry her to the bedroom. She looks good and thoroughly fucked, a look that quite suits her I've decided.

She's clearly in a fog as I stand her up and slip one of my t-shirts on her and swat at her ass to go to the bathroom. She does her night time routine with me, brushing teeth, combing her hair, washing her face and these small moments mean more to me than anything.

She walks, a bit unsteadily, to the guest room to retrieve a pair of panties. _Damn._ Her grin makes me laugh, she knows exactly what I was thinking. We climb in on opposite sides and meet in the middle, her tiny frame automatically settling against mine.

"Good night sweet girl."

"Good night, Christian. Thank you for a wonderful day." She reaches behind her and pats my head but she's asleep before she can hear my quiet response.

"Thank you, Ana. For everything. Today was the best day of my life."


	19. Chapter 19

**APOV**

"Christian, what are you doing?" I stretch like a cat and wiggle around but his hand does not let go of my breast no matter how much I move.

"Hmm?"

I grin despite myself and push my butt back against the steel rod lying between my cheeks. His grunt makes me giggle until he grabs the sides of my panties and literally rips them off of my body. Flashes of Jack Hyde doing the same thing less than a week ago assault my mind and I tense and freeze. He realizes immediately what he's done.

"Oh shit, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't think, I was being playful, I'd never be forceful with you. Shit! Please, baby, I'm sorry."

I turn into him and cover my face with my hands, as quickly as the terror came, it also left. Christian is nothing like Hyde and I'm not afraid of him.

"I'm fine, it startled me, that's all. I'm fine, I promise." And I am fine as long as I purposefully ignore the fear that won't seem to leave me. Kate keeps encouraging me to talk with my old psychologist and Ray has suggested the same thing but I don't want to talk to anyone about what happened. I just want to forget it ever occurred and move on.

He eyes me warily and the rod that was pressed against me earlier is nowhere to be found but the second I reach down and wrap my hand around him through his pajama bottoms, it makes a grand reappearance.

"I really am sorry."

"I know." We're side by side facing each other but when he goes to kiss me I duck my head.

"I haven't brushed my teeth!" He laughs and lifts my chin up, kissing me straight on the mouth.

"I don't care, I just want to kiss you. Promise me you're ok?"

"Yes." And to prove it to him I roll him onto his back and pull his pants off. _Damn,_ the sight of him always shocks me. Huge, hard and so fucking sexy. My panties are shredded and hanging off of one hip so I move to the side and slide what's left of them down my leg before climbing on top of him. All I want is to feel that stretching fullness and if his heavy lidded stare is any indication, that's all he wants as well.

Shyly I lift him in my hand and drag him down my lips like he did the first time positioning him at my entrance, sliding down on him slowly as my body adjusts to his girth. Neither one of us makes any sounds except for his intake of breath. In the silence I can hear our joining, the provocative sound of flesh against soft wet skin.

It hurts, he's big and deep and I'm still sore from the last 36 hours but the pain fades as I slide back up. When I did this in the tub it didn't allow for him to get as deep as he is now and it makes it harder for me to move until I sit straight up and use my legs to slowly rise and fall on him. To be honest I feel kind of stupid with my less than smooth movements but looking down at the man below me, I'm convinced he has no idea that I'm clueless right now.

His hands are resting lightly on my thighs and his eyes are closed, short puffs of air leaving his mouth each time I drop down.

"I can't believe this is happening right now." He groans and then opens his eyes, reaching for the bottom of my t-shirt, lifting it above my head and dropping it on the bed next to us. Immediately his hands fondle my breasts. I stop and give him a quizzical look, _what can't he believe?_

"You and me, having sex. It's too good to be true." He grins and I smile down at him. I want to reach out and rest my hands on his chest, use it to push off of him but I can't so I lean back, my hands finding leverage on his muscular legs.

"Oh _fuck_ yeah! Fuck that's hot, baby." My head is thrown back as I grind down on him before lifting myself. His right hand glides to the top of my thigh and he extends his thumb so that every time I move, it rubs against my clitoris.

"Oh god! Christian!" He grits his teeth and watches as I impale myself on him, his left hand holding my hip and guiding me until I feel the now familiar tightening in my belly. I scream, a loud high pitched scream and come hard around him, flooding him with my arousal and falling forward as the strength leaves my body.

"That's it baby, feel it." he growls into my ear underneath me, his hands gripping my ass and holding me in place as his hips rise off the bed and pump into me furiously. He groans long and low and I feel him swell and still, his hands squeezing so tightly it's painful. "Ana!" he grunts and then relaxes, holding me until our breathing is slow and steady.

"I want you to drive in with me today." he whispers after a few minutes. I want to go back to sleep, the tender touches of his hands on my back and hair are lulling me back to sleep but the mention of work pulls me right out of bliss and back into reality.

"It's my first day back, I'm going to have to stay late and do some extra work."

"Alright, I'll stay with you, we'll go for dinner when you're finished."

Driving into work with Christian sounds wonderful, knowing that he'll be there all day and that I'll have him to myself again tonight is perfect. I'm afraid to be without him. _Is that because of what happened or because of what you feel for him?_

"OK. If my apartment is secure now, Kate and I should probably get back to living there. I'm sure Elliot needs a break at this point." He rolls me onto my back slipping out of me and looks at me like I'm crazy.

"No. Absolutely not. For one, _he's_ still out there and until he's caught, you're not staying there alone. Two, I don't care what Elliot needs, your safety is far more important and three," he nuzzles my neck, "I just got you in my bed, there is no way I'm sleeping away from you."

* * *

"Good morning Ms. Steele, eggs benedict and wheat toast?"

"Good morning, Gail. Please call me Ana. Anything you've made is fine but you don't need to cook for me." She tuts and places a plate in front of me at the breakfast bar.

"I'm just happy to have someone to take care of besides Mr. Grey. Oh! Good morning, Mr. Grey, orange juice or tomato juice this morning?"

Christian looks unbelievable in his tailored black suit and skinny black tie. He makes perfection look effortless.

"Orange please." He takes a piece of toast off my plate and waves it in the air asking, "Care to explain the lipstick on my mirror?"

"It's time you saw the good in yourself. So every day I will remind you of something good about you and you will repeat it back to me. We can start now." He balks, looks around to see where Gail is and eyes me suspiciously. "Come on, Christian, it can't be that hard to say something nice about yourself." But for him, it is, the internal debate going on saddens me while I wait patiently, unwilling to let him continue like this. Finally he kisses me and repeats this morning's affirmation as quickly as he can.

"I make you feel safe." I'm thrilled, even though the words are mine, they're the first words he's said about himself that weren't cutting or harsh. Instead of dwelling on it I choose to continue as if it's no big deal in a bid to ease his discomfort.

"Yes, you do. Thank you." I lean over and give him a peck on the cheek, unable to resist kissing him looking so shy and unsure of himself. "You look like you're out for blood today." He grins and takes a bite of his eggs.

"I'm always out for blood baby. Have lunch with me, one o'clock in my office. We can order in." His eyebrows rise up and down suggestively and I swat at him.

"Are you joking? Not in the office! God, Christian, I'd rather nobody knows our business and I refuse to become the office cliché." His eyes drop from mine to his plate. "What? What are you not telling me?"

"I'm not_ not_ telling you anything, I'm letting you know now that there were a lot of questions raised after we attended the Seahawks event a few weeks ago but since you were hired as an outside consultant for GEH, the inquiries were easily answered and never went any further. However, there have been a few random pictures taken of us leaving for lunch on occasion and a few more of us arriving at Club Review on Friday."

"OK, where are you going with this?"

"Well, someone also took a few pictures of us dancing and then a few at the Mariners game on Saturday."

"And?"

"Well, the PR office has been slammed with news organizations and media outlets wanting to know who you are and _what_ we are, so much so that there are a few press reps camped outside of Escala and a few more outside of GEH." I'm confused.

"Why would they care who I am?" He shakes his head at my ignorance and pulls my lip from between my teeth, a nervous habit that I've never noticed until Christian came along and pointed it out to me.

"Because you're being seen with me and no one has ever been photographed with me before. It's also evident from the dance club photos that I'm not gay, something that has been assumed about me in the media." I blurt out a laugh, the idea of Christian being gay is ludacris, hilarious even.

"How stupid!"

"Yes, it is but it's also a security issue. If you decide to leave the building for any reason, you have to have Ryan with you and I'd prefer it if you took Prescott as well. I don't care if all you're doing is going for coffee, you absolutely cannot be alone anymore. In fact, I'll hire you an assistant to get your coffee and lunch so you don't have to leave at all"

The seriousness of his tone alarms me and I wonder if I'm reading this entire situation incorrectly.

"Maybe I'm not understanding. They want to know who I am and they've learned my name. They'll get a few pictures at some point and then go away. Why the need for two security officers and your very obvious concern?" Dread snakes around me.

"Because, Ana. If you're in my life and I'm willing to go on record saying that you are, then you're clearly very important to me. If you're important to me, you're worth money not only to the paparazzi but to potential criminals as well." He leaves the word 'kidnappers' off, an omission I appreciate. Suddenly, the increase in my security detail doesn't seem so strange. "With the press following you, your whereabouts will always be public knowledge so we have to be that much more careful."

Correctly reading my concern Christian continues quickly, "The good news is that everyone will know you have security and that you're well protected. Ana, listen to me, you are safe, if I didn't think Ryan and Prescott could protect you I wouldn't let you leave the apartment."

I believe him.

* * *

When we leave Escala in the SUV I notice a few photographers at the garage entrance but the windows are tinted and we fly past them even though they're yelling at the car and snapping pictures of it.

"So no coffee stops on the way in then, huh?" Christian looks at me with mock pity and hits a number on his phone.

"Andrea, have Jacqueline run out to Starbucks to get Ms. Steele a venti misto with skim. We'll be there in 10 minutes. Have you heard from Washington Mutual yet? Good, we'll touch base as soon as I arrive."

He ends the call and looks at me smugly, "There. All set."

"Good morning Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey. Your coffee, welcome back." Andrea hands me my coffee and smiles warmly at both of us.

"Good morning, Andrea, thank you, I'm glad to be back." I look around her to see Jacqueline and wave at her, "Thank you for the coffee, it's nice to meet you!" She gives me a half smile and sits at the computer.

"Give me two minutes, Andrea, I want the senior loan officer on the phone and I want Mr. Whalen from legal in my office when I get back."

The heat of his large hand covers my lower back and somehow, even though a current runs down my legs when he touches me, I manage to walk to my office without falling.

"I'll see you for lunch?"

I take a deep breath and let it out for dramatic effect. "Only if you promise to behave, I don't want to be known as the office slut." He lunges at me and shuts the door behind him, pulling me close and speaking directly against my mouth.

"If anyone dared to say that about you, they'd be out on their ass so quickly their heads would spin." He kisses me gently and fingers the ends of my hair, "I mean it, if anyone gives you a hard time, you let me know and I'll take care of it."

Once Christian leaves I settle in, happy to be working again after last week's ordeal. I noticed a few more photographers at the garage entrance to GEH but nothing that seemed out of control. Why anyone cares about who I am is beyond me but they clearly do since the minute I start up my computer the top story on my Yahoo home screen is a picture of Christian and I walking into the club on Friday night, hand in hand and laughing. _OK, so maybe that dress was a bit much._

My stomach drops to the floor, this is so not what I expected to happen. My finger hesitates to click on the icon but curiosity gets the better of me and the article pulls up, another picture of he and I at the Mariners game and yet another of us dancing play out in a slideshow across my screen.

** =====================AMERICA'S**** MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR GETS NAILED**** DOWN**  
** =========================...by** **none other than one of his employees!========================================**

**_Seems that while we were all fighting over which team Christian Grey played for, someone was busy getting him to go up to bat! Sources confirmed over the weekend that Billionaire Mr. Sex on Legs himself was indeed dating Ms. Anastasia Steele, a recent graduate of WSU and owner of Steele Translations. Our source claims that the couple met on a blind date set up by Mr. Grey's older brother a few weeks ago and that the two have been inseparable ever since. Hearts are breaking from coast to coast this morning as Mr. Christian Grey himself released a rare statement late last night confirming the reports._**

**_"Anastasia Steele and I are in a committed relationship. Our private life is just that, private."_**

Committed relationship. I read it three more times and print it out to show Christian though I'm sure he's already been made aware of the article. It's just before 9am, I may be able to catch him before he heads into his first of many meetings of the day.

"Hi Jacqueline, is Mr. Grey available?" Her perfectly blond hair flips back past her shoulders, her brown eyes coolly meeting mine.

"No, he's in a meeting with legal and then he's got people waiting for him in the conference room." _Ooookay._ I glance around for Andrea only to realize that she's probably in the office with him. Jacqueline turns back to her computer, a twisted little smile playing on her lips.

_Message received bitch. You're jealous._ You should be, he's something to be jealous over. I'm going to have to watch this one, I only hope she's not a sign of what working here is going to be like now. I stand still for a few seconds debating on the merits of stapling the Yahoo article to her forehead but Andrea's reappearance saves her bitchy little face.

"Oh! Ms. Steele, I hope you weren't kept waiting, Jacqueline I know I've told you that Mr. Grey's instructions are to interrupt whatever he's doing for Ms. Steele." Jacqueline looks like she's just swallowed a toad and I give that twisted little smile right back to her.

"I was only waiting a few seconds, no worries. I just need a minute of his time." I walk to his office with purpose and enter without knocking. He rises from his desk and walks towards me, a surprised smile on his beautiful face. Only when he's reaching out for me do I see the man sitting in front of his desk. _Oh, shit._

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, fine, I didn't realize you had someone in here, I'll see you at lunch. I'm sorry to have interrupted."

"You aren't interrupting. Anastasia Steele, GEH's head of legal counsel, Burt Whalen." Mr. Whalen extends his hand as he walks towards me. He's ancient, I'd guess close to 80 but one look in his eyes and I can tell he's sharp as a tack.

"A pleasure. I hear we'll be working together soon on the Chinese deal." I have no idea when or if I'm actually dealing with him directly but I nod my head and smile anyway.

"I look forward to it. I'll leave you two to your business."

"No no, I'm leaving. Mr. Grey, I'll make my way down to audit now. The courier will leave in an hour with the executed contract for Washington Mutual, we can head over to the bank shortly after." Christian nods and opens the door but as soon as the lawyers feet cross the threshold he shuts it and pins me against it. I can only hope that that bitch Jacqueline heard my head when it hit.

"Couldn't wait another minute, Ms. Steele? Hmmm?" His hands are on my butt as his nose runs along mine seductively but I just grin and kiss him chastely.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you about this?" I raise my eyebrows and hand him the printout which he barely glances at before handing it back.

"There are about a hundred similar articles. Idiots reported you as an employee, damn assholes can't even do their jobs right. My PR team will clear that up by mid-morning. By the way, I've hired someone for your office security during the week. Missy shouldn't be there alone and on the days you're there, I'd prefer it if there were three CPO's with you."

"Thank you. I'm more interested in what _this_ means." I point to his statement. "A committed relationship?" He beams at me.

"Yes. Aren't we?"

"Well I don't know, we've never discussed it." He flattens his hands against the sides of my face and pushes his fingers into my hair.

"I want you, only you. And I can't bear the thought of you with anyone else. I assumed that after the other night we_ were_ together. I'd like to call you my girlfriend." Someone bring a mop, I'm a puddle in this man's hands.

"OK. _Boyfriend_." He looks delighted and kisses me, biting my lip between his teeth.

"I want everyone to know that you are mine, Anastasia. When you walk down these halls or down the street I want everyone to know that you belong to me and that I belong to you."

Internally I fight myself, the idea of 'belonging' to someone is a foreign concept to me but I flip it around onto him. Do I feel a sense of ownership over him? Do I want people to know that he belongs to me, that he's mine? Yes, I do. Standing on my tippy toes I return his affection, nipping his lip between my teeth before kissing him softly.

"I'll see you at one."

* * *

**CPOV**

I squint to see the mirrored words better and my heart does a little flip when I read them.

**'You make me feel safe'**

Of all the things Ana could have said to me, this is the one that means the most. I know the feeling of being alone, rejected and afraid. I know it well enough that I'm still dealing with nightmares from it 25 years later. To be able to bring her some peace and security, well, there's nothing better. I capture a picture of her writing with my phone and get ready for what's sure to be a bitch of a day but between her words and that hot wake up call, I'm feeling pretty good.

She takes the added security much better than I had anticipated and even though I've geared myself up for a fight about how she's getting into GEH, she offers no resistance to driving in with me. Sex must make her more agreeable, duly noted.

Once she's settled in Andrea gives me my daily schedule while the head of GEH's legal counsel pulls his papers together. I was out a lot last week so there's quite a bit that needs to be made up this week. I'm a bit put out when she reminds me about a dinner I have on Wednesday, I was hoping to watch Ana teach her Pilates class and then find a way to incorporate some fucking in at the studio.

Andrea stays so that she can pull the necessary documents Burt Whalen needs for my retraction on Elena's loans, by noon today she'll know how bad things can get when she doesn't do as she's told.

"It's cut and dry, really. You've proven through electronic corrospondance that she was to provide you with certain documents and reports, none of which were done on time. I checked in with Tony a few minutes ago, nothing came over from her over the weekend either. We'll need to go into Washington Mutual to sign the docs there, get them notarized and then your business relationship is severed."

"Great, when can we do that?" I'm anxious to get his over with. It will give me such enormous pleasure to nail her coffin shut. I had lost any gracious feelings I had towards Elena years ago but after her little stunt with Anastasia at the gala, I want her to suffer.

"They'll meet with you whenever it's convenient but I realize you've got another matter to attend to. After lunch perhaps?"

"I'd prefer to do it in the next hour if we can."

Just then my sweet Anastasia walks in, her navy shift dress covering up the sensual curves I now know lie underneath. I know that Burt has read the papers by the way his eyebrows raise and I can't say I'm not pleased. I want everyone to know that she's mine which is why I released a press statement on my personal life for the first time ever. The use of '_our_ private life' was intentional, using our expresses even further how united we are.

Once Burt leaves I make my declaration official and I, Christian Grey, am now someone's boyfriend. Never in my life have I thought that I'd be in a relationship and I certainly never used the word boyfriend in the same sentence as my name. But here I am, totally devoted to the brunette down the hall.

* * *

"Ms. Perkins what is your relationship with Lawrence James?"

It's times like these that I appreciate Ros's inability to be subtle. Straight to the point, you've got to respect that. I've chosen to stay quiet for now, reading her reaction and gauging how much of what she says is true is very important to me.

Her too big for her face blue eyes open even larger and she slumps back in her seat. _Well, she'll never win an Oscar that's for sure._

"I, I don't know what you mean." The visible pulse in her neck begins to speed up as does mine. I'm pissed.

"Are you aware that he is under investigation by the SEC for allegations that he's running a Ponzi Scheme that has cost his investors upwards of four billion dollars?" Judging by her reaction, she is. Her whole body slumps further and shakes as her eyes immediately water.

"Larry? No! He's a great business man, he'd never steal from anyone! There has to be a mistake!"

I lean forward and steeple my hands together before speaking. I hate liars.

"Ms. Perkins, what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Mr. James? And more to the point did you ever launder money for him using GEH?"

Awareness lights up her face and she covers it with her hands and sobs, explaining that she's been having an affair with him for almost nine months. My expression must be one of disgust because she covers her face again in shame and doesn't meet my eyes while she blabbers on about not telling her husband and begging us to keep this quiet. A home wrecker and a criminal. I hate liars. I hate cheats. I hate disloyalty. In short, Agnes Perkins has just sealed her dismissal.

"Did he ask you to do him any favors? Show him any accounts? Ask sensitive questions about your job here?" Ros is firing questions at her as fast as she can when I put my hand up.

"Ms. Perkins you may have had nothing to do with the crimes Mr. James is being accused of but I can't have you working here until we know for sure and until a thourough audit is completed on every account you've ever had access to. Your indiscretion with regards to your personal life is going to cost you more than your job though." I stand, furious that her lack of control has brought my company into the middle of a criminal investigation.

"As of this moment you are no longer an employee at Grey Enterprises. Greta will escort you to your desk so that you can clear your personal belongings. Your name has been handed over to the SEC investigator, you should lawyer up. If we find any inconsistencies on your accounts, know that I will come after you with the sole purpose of making you an example. Do not fuck with me or my company. Now get out."

* * *

"Mr. Grey, I have a Carla Adams on hold for you. She's called three times, insists that you know her."

What the fuck does she want?

"Put her through in one minute and then interrupt in two." As an afterthought I add, "And do not put her through to Ms. Steele's office."

"Grey."

"Oh, hello, Christian! I'm sorry to bother you at your office but I wanted to check in on Anastasia, her phone doesn't seem to be working or something."

"Carla you haven't called her phone. You know how I know? I watch her check it hourly to see if you have and I watch, hourly, as she fights the sting of your rejection. So, cut the bull shit, what do you want?"

"What? Of course I've called! Look, you and I have gotten off on the wrong foot, I don't know what Anastasia has said about me but I'd like to start over. If you and my daughter are going to be dating, then I feel it's important that we get to know each other a bit." Ah, so she's seen the news and no doubt knows my net worth.

"I'm all set, thanks. Let me ask you a question, when was the last time you saw Anastasia?"

She stammers, the answer is a glaring spotlight on the inadequacies of her mothering but she knows I know the answer already, a lie would be pointless.

"When she was 19."

"And how did you get here?"

Silence.

"I'll wait."

"She bought me a plane ticket and put me up in a hotel for two nights." Sadness floods me as I picture a 19 year old Ana working part time at a hardware store, struggling to put herself through school and still somehow saving enough to fly her mom out to visit her in a vain attempt to have the relationship she wants so badly.

"And before that?"

"The morning that she moved back to Washington. What is your point with all of this, Christian? Anastasia's always been a bit of an attention seeker so I'm not sure what you've been told but I was a damn good mother to her!"

"Attention seeker? Your daughter is so stuck on your rejection that she assumes it in people even though they love her. She can't understand why anyone would want to be around her so the idea of her being an attention seeker is fucking crazy. Was she seeking attention when that asshole you married knocked her tooth out? Or how about when he broke her nose? Attention seeking then? Or was that you?"

"Mr. Grey, your next appointment is here." Andrea buzzes in, always reliable.

"Carla, call your daughter, ask her how she's feeling, tell her that you're thinking about her. Fly the fuck up here and see her. Until then, don't call me again."

Slamming the receiver down feels good, cathartic even. The last thing I want is for Ana to have to deal with her but I know that a call, just one call from her mom will make her feel better and if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. I shoot my girl a quick text on my way to the bank just needing any kind of connection with her.

**-Hey baby. Heading out to a meeting, want coffee on my way back in?-**

**Yes! That sounds great, thank you! Ros wants one too.**

**-Ros? Are you meeting with her?-**

**Yes, coordinating schedules for the face to face with the Chinese.**

**-See you for lunch then, 1pm, tell Andrea what you want and order me the same.-**

One o'clock cannot come soon enough.

* * *

"Mr. Grey I'm sorry to learn that you're terminating your loan guarantee with us but I have to ask, has Mrs. Lincoln been made aware of the rescinding of her loan and line of credit? I'll be sending someone over there on Wednesday afternoon to collect and because of the delicate nature of the visit, information is always appreciated."

"Wednesday? Why Wednesday? Why not today? Now even?"

"Your contractual obligation with Washington Mutual has a 48 hour waiting period clause on any loan modifications at which point Mrs. Lincoln has the opportunity to either have the loans rewritten or paid off. I assumed your legal counsel would have informed you of that."

I turn to Burt, eyes burning, rage just under the surface and he blanches. I do not like being made to look like a fool and I do not like surprises. Burt takes the papers from the bankers hands and reads them quickly, scanning the entire page in less than a minute before pinching his nose and shaking his head.

"He's right. Upon her being made aware of the loan modification, she has 48 hours to get another loan or to pay off the one being modified. I will send a courier with a certified letter today but she'll still have until Wednesday afternoon to figure something out."

Instead of responding I stand, shake the man's hand and walk out, getting in the SUV and leaving Burt to find a ride back himself. I wanted Elena Lincoln cut in half today and I do not like not getting my way. When my phone rings I assume it's Burt but I see that it's Ana and I'm immediately grinning like an idiot.

"Hey, baby, what's up?"

"Hi. I'm sorry to bother you but I'm going to order lunch and I don't know what you want."

"One, you should never apologize to me, you never bother me, your interuptions are the highlights of my day. Two, like I said, I want what you want, as long as there is no cilantro in it."

"Ugh, that stuff is vile. OK, I was thinking chicken marsala over rice." She could tell me we're eating cheese sandwiches and I'd be happy so long as she was there with me.

"Sounds great, I'll be back in 15 minutes, just have to stop for your coffee first." This little act of running an errand for her makes me ridiculously happy. I like being in her life for the little things.

"Well aren't you just the best boyfriend there ever was?"

* * *

**APOV**

Christian is light hearted and chatty during lunch. I know he's had a tough morning, word spread like wildfire on this floor with the firing of Agnes Perkins and quickly wound it's way down until even the receptionist knew. The big news wasn't that someone got fired, it was that Christian Grey did it himself, something usually reserved only for high level executives. Between her firing and our newly revealed relationship, the entire GEH building is buzzing with gossip and speculation.

Other than a few longer than normal glances in my direction from a few of the female employees and an obvious jealous streak in Jacqueline, my day has been pretty normal. I've avoided the internet at all costs, my assumption is that now that they know who I am and Christian has gone on record saying that we're together that the interest in me will die down eventually. I figure I'll wait it out.

My mom called shortly after ten this morning and as much as I've been waiting for her to call, I just couldn't answer it. Logically I know that she's incapable of being what she should be for me, what I need, but logic has very little room in the relationship between a mother and daughter. It's been one week since I was attacked and she has called twice, the first time being when Christian hung up on her and again today. Ray, however, has called every day and I know he's also called Christian and even Taylor to check up on any developments.

"Ray sent over the name of the dojo and the instructor he's chosen, you'll start classes again on Wednesday after Pilates. Ryan will take you to and from both studios for now but I've got some good news. Sawyer said that he's got maybe one week left before he can return to his duties."

"Oh that's fantastic! I'm so glad he's recovering so quickly." I like Ryan but after what Sawyer and I went through and the sacrifice he made for me, I'll always feel connected to him in a different way. "I wonder if Heather has anything to do with his quick recovery, she went over there on Saturday and Kate said she talked to her yesterday and she was bringing him dinner."

"Well, if she gets in the way of him doing his job effectively once he returns, she'll have to go."

"Christian! The man got stabbed for me. I'm pretty sure he's proven his professional abilities. Plus, Heather's not a clingy girl, she'll allow him to do his job. And geesh, you can't tell people when they can and can't be in a relationship!"

He rises from where he was sitting cross legged at the low coffee table in the sitting area and sits behind me, moving my hair to one side of my neck and lightly kissing the newly exposed skin.

"I can and I will tell whomever works for me, especially the ones in charge of keeping you safe, that if their personal lives affect their professional obligations that they need to adjust said personal lives." He sucks my ear lobe gently while his fingers stroke my arms slowly leaving little burn trails in their wake.

"Christian, I told you, not in the office." But damn does it feel good. I shift to relieve the awakened pulse between my legs and he chuckles against my shoulder.

"You want it, I want it, I own the company, there's a lock on the door. I don't see the problem." The longer he sits this close the lower my resolve is so I rise and turn to him, willing myself to look past his smoldering grey eyes and to focus on the enormous pile of papers waiting for me on my desk.

"Alright," he begins, his hands travelling up the back of my legs, "I'll let you get back to your office but I want a little recompense first."

"Recompense? You're not injured!"

"Sure I am, I'll have blue balls the rest of the day." I'm laughing and enjoying the banter until he tugs on the waist of my lace panties and begins to pull them down.

"Christian"

"Shhh, just relax. Just a little taste, just to hold me over until we can leave here." The soft whisper of his words coupled with the soft whisper of his touch turn me on so much that I want to tell him to forget I said anything to begin with but as usual, no words will form or come out.

When my panties are at my knees he lifts the hem of my dress and pushes his face against my pubic bone, inhaling before licking up my slit with one long swipe. Oh god that feels good, I want to open my legs wider but my panties won't allow it.

"Damn you taste good, baby." He licks again, slow and lightly. "Just a few more." After three more traces of his tongue he removes my underwear and puts my dress back in place. I'm dizzy and so ready to finish what he started but that sly little grin of his pulls me out of my lust induced fog and I watch with embarrassment when he lifts the black lace to his nose, inhales deeply and then shoves them in the breast pocket of his shirt.

"Oh my god, what are you doing?" He just pats his pocket and stands gracefully, adjusting the tented front of his pants.

"I told you, taking my recompense." When he shrugs on his suit jacket I get weak in the knees at the sight of those strong muscled arms and blush furiously when he pats his chest where I know my panties now hide.

"You're going to go into meetings with them, in, in your shirt pocket? You can't!"

"Your panties in my pocket and your juice on my tongue. I can't think of a better way to work."

His phone rings then and we automatically look down to where it lies on the table. A pit forms in my stomach when I see who's calling. Elena Lincoln.

"I need to take this, Ana. It's business."

"Of course. Tell her I said die, I mean hi." He gives me a small chuckle and reaches for me as I lean up to kiss him on the cheek. "I'll see you at 7 for dinner." I hate, HATE that he's still talking to her. I thought that after our conversations that he finally saw her for what she was and that he'd closed the door on their relationship but I see that I was wrong.

* * *

Leaving the GEH offices with Christian begins a frenzy of activity both in the building and on the sidewalk out front. We're going through the private garage entrance but the crowd that surges towards the SUV as we exit the building is larger than the one from this morning and more aggressive. Taylor is stiff but competent and the car pushes slowly through the flashing cameras and shouting voices until we're driving on the street.

Only then do I realize that Christian has pulled me as close against him as possible, his large hand holding my face to his chest. The entire experience is so surreal that I don't even know if I'm afraid. In my entire life I never imagined this kind of attention being directed towards me. I revert back to my mantra from this morning, 'eventually they will not care' and give Christian a quick kiss on his cheek.

"I'm fine."

He studies my face and I do my best to appear nonchalant until I feel the tension leave his body and he laughs.

"Welcome to my world, baby."

This time when we enter the Mile High Club we're greeted by a male host who acknowledges both of us as we make our way to the same table we sat at last time.

"Did you order ahead already?" I ask when the wine is poured before I'm even handed a menu. His lips lift at the corner and he leans in conspiratorially.

"Of course, I'm not wasting one minute of time that we could be fucking. I figure I just saved us at least six minutes." _Oh my._

I smile against his lips and give his leg a squeeze, surprising him.

"You are so efficient with your time management; remind me to thank you later." Those greys glaze over with salaciousness. _Mission accomplished._ He throws me off enough, it's nice to return the favor.

When the jumbo shrimp cocktails are brought to the table we review our day and even though I can see the line of tension in Christian's jaw, he barely touches on the Agnes Perkins issue. I want so badly to ask him about the reasons why Elena is calling him but I wait for him to offer me the information first. He doesn't even mention her name so I choose, begrudgingly, to let it go.

Dinner is seamless, as the appetizer is whisked away by one waitress, the salad is gently placed in front of us by another one. When dinner does arrive, a delicious and delicate Veracruz style red snapper over black forbidden rice I lean back and shake my head.

"What? Do you want something different?" He's already taken a bite but makes to waive the waiter over.

"No, this is perfect, that's what surprised me. You always seem to know what I want and I'm not just talking about food."

"Ana, I endeavor to always meet your needs and therefore, I need to know them. Satisfying you, in all things, is my mission in life. Now eat up, I want to get you in my bed."

* * *

The minute we step into the eleveator at Escala the energy around us changes and charges through me, heating my blood more than it already was. The ride from the restaurant to the apartment building was spent on Christians lap, kissing him and panting into his mouth while his fingers slid in and out of my sex, occasionally finding my throbbing clit and tapping it until I was ready to scream in sexual agony.

Before we've reached the second floor he's fisting my hair and pulling my dress up to my waist.

"What if someone come in?" I almost don't care at this point, I'm so desperate to have him inside me.

"Private elevator. Only goes to the penthouse. Give me your mouth, baby." He grunts out and kisses me so roughly that my head snaps back, only his hand in my hair protecting me from hitting the wall. I feel the silky hardness of his cock on my thigh as he reaches down and hooks the back of my knees into the crook of his arms.

"What about your bed?" I breath as he lines himself up, the last word pushed out with a lungful of air when he impales me.

"Oh fuck! I can't wait." His hands are flat against the wall behind me, only the strength of his arms is holding me up, wide and totally at his mercy but he shows little tenderness, plowing into me with purpose and determination. "I've wanted to be inside of you all day, Anastasia. All fucking day I waited for this."

I answer by gripping his hair and pulling his face back to kiss him and he thrusts faster and harder, my head hitting the wall of the elevator until he holds his forehead against mine, my moans drowned out by Christian's grunts.

"Eyes open, baby, I can feel you about to come and I want to see you." He's so close our eyelashes are almost touching and I stare right into his eyes just like he's commanded of me. "Ana" he grunts as he fills me with his semen, the heat of it shooting into me setting me off into a whirlwind of my own release.

I don't cry out, I don't close my eyes. This position allows for no leverage so all I can do is feel myself clench and pulse around him as he stills and his eyes roll towards the back of his head. Slumping forward he catches my legs in his hands, placing my feet down onto the ground and pulling my dress down before he lifts his head from my shoulder.

"Unfuckingbelievable." Is all he says as he zips himself back up and hits the start button on the wall. Huh? When did he stop it?

"When did you stop the elevator?" I'm still trembling and squeezing my legs together in a failing attempt to keep the remnants of his orgasm inside of me. It's useless though and when the door pings open I begin to walk with purpose towards the bathroom. Christian grabs my hand and spins me around to him, kissing me and reaching between my legs.

"I told you I'd fuck you in that elevator one day. Mmm, I like this, your cum mixed with my cum running down your pretty little legs. Hurry and shower, I'm not nearly finished with you."

And he's not. I did manage to take a shower by myself but the minute he comes out of the bathroom, all steamy from his shower and dripping water on the floor he pulls me to the edge of the bed and after bringing me to climax with his mouth, he follows it up with a tender, slow, sweet love making session in which his eyes never leave mine.

His actions over the last few weeks and especially over the last week communicate so much to me but it's these moments, where it can only be me and him that speak the loudest. Christian uses these private moments and the joining of our bodies to convey just how he feels. The words will come, I've no doubt of that and for now, this, this is enough.

* * *

**Authors note: Pictures are up on pinterest. FSSAS/fifty-shades-slow-and-steady/ These are not pictures you want kids or coworkers to see so open in private. And thank you to everyone who takes the time to review, I so appreciate that you're invested in this story! A special thank you to lillian121 for pointing a lot of you here.**


	20. Chapter 20

**CPOV**

I've never been able to sleep for long stretches of time, not because I wasn't tired, but because my mind just wouldn't stop. It's not my mind that woke me up so early this morning though, it's my heart, literally bursting with an unnamed emotion that consumes me. It's not love, love isn't strong enough for what I feel in this moment. I try out other words, contentment, peace, joy..._joy._ Happiness, excitement for the upcoming days, hell, for the rest of my life. What I feel is _alive._

The rest of Seattle is asleep while I lay here with the night table light's soft glow behind me studying the contours of Anastasia's exposed body. _My girlfriend._ She's on her side, facing the windows, her hair spread out behind her as if she's walking in the wind. I had my arms wrapped around her when I woke, we never bothered to dress or clean up after the last time we made love and having her against me, skin to skin has left me wanting her again._ Animal, let her sleep._

The beast within lays down for a moment, overcome with affection while I trace her neck and shoulders, arms and hands, breast and side. God damn the swell of her hip drives me wild and I push the sheet lower to see her entire body, glowing and smooth in the moonlight. That muscular divide along her spine begs for attention and I run my fingernail along it from neck to waist, eliciting a shiver and a mumble from my sleeping beauty.

My teeth nip at her shoulder blade and watch with satisfaction as goose bumps spread over her arms and her nipples pucker. She wriggles her ass against me, still half asleep and unaware of the storm brewing behind her but it's still a fatal move, if I was teasing before, I'm not now. The attention I pay to her body has pushed her from sleep into a hazy state of mind, still restful but aware of the change in atmosphere around us.

"Anastasia, lie on your belly and put your arms above your head." She does as she's told without looking at me. Over and over I glide my hand up and down her body from neck to ankle, her ass lifting slightly each time I come near her sex but I won't touch her there. Yet. Instead I watch as the lush lips between her legs peek out between her thighs and will myself to ignore them for now.

After a few minutes I can't stay away and I pull her legs apart but keep her flat, the sight of her bare wet pussy all but eliminating my control right now. Leaning forward to whisper in her ear I let the tip of my cock drag down her slit, collecting wetness as it rubs up and down, spreading her, readying her.

"Do not move, hold onto the headboard and do exactly as I say. Do you understand?" She nods. "Good girl."

I want to dive right in and fuck her but I'm so close that I know it'll be over too soon plus, I love to watch her go wild when I touch her. To know that no one else has ever seen her like this is a heady feeling and not one I'll ever tire of. Sitting on my haunches I run my hands up both sides of her inner thighs and gently, so gently it almost tickles run each finger over the outside of those swollen lips before pushing my middle and index finger inside of her. Her ass lifts as she tries to grind against my fingers but I hold her down with my free hand.

"Fuck baby you're so fucking hot. Does that feel good, does it feel good when I fuck you with my fingers?" I know it does, she's pouring on my hand while I slowly pump in and out. I've not taken her from behind yet and I'm eager to get inside of her, to see her bent over for me. I lift those amazingly sensual hips up and use my knees to spread her wide, _fuck she looks good like this._

"Hold up a bit higher, I want your nipples to touch the sheet while I fuck you, just your nipples though, nothing else." Her groan turns me the fuck on and as soon as she's positioned herself the way I want her I fist my dick and watch, with lustful abandonment as the thick head of my cock spreads her tight little hole open and slides in.

"Ah! Christian! Oh god, oh god!" Ana throws her head back, that mane of chestnut hair spreading out over her back for me to collect and grab.

"Shhh, baby, feel that. God you look good with my cock buried inside your sweet pussy." A flood of moisture covers me and drips down my balls. She likes dirty talk, _this just gets better and better._ I need to go slowly or I'm going to come and I grab those fuckable hips, tip her pelvis up so that her ass is totally exposed and thrust into her. "Does that feel good on your nipples, Ana? Do you like when your breasts sway while I fuck you?"

"Yes, oh fuck, Christian!" The muscles in her back are trembling as she struggles to keep still. I should make her come now but I don't want to stop watching myself fuck her. Another minute goes by and I tear my gaze away, pulling her up by the back of her hair and grabbing her breasts roughly in my hands, never once stopping the thrusting between her legs.

"Does that feel good? Hmmm? Do you like when I touch you like this?" My middle finger rubs on her clit, hard and wet, so ready to come. "Put your hands where they were and hold on, I want to hear you come."

She bends back down, tips her ass back up and cries out when I kick her knees open a bit more. I'm halfway on top of her, thrusting deep into her pussy, each cry of hers drowned out by my own grunts.

"You feel so good, Anastasia. Do you like this? Deep and hard? Do you like to feel my balls slap against your clit when I fuck you?" She doesn't answer in words, instead her body answers, tightening around me and shaking underneath me as she comes hard, all around my cock. "Yea baby, that's it, come for me."

I lean back and grab her hips, fucking her hard as my own orgasm takes over, starting in my toes and rushing out past my balls and out of my stone hard shaft.

"FUCK!" is all I can manage as I fill her with so much cum it starts to seep out while I'm still inside of her. _Every time! Every time is amazing._ She collapses flat onto the bed and I follow her, both of us breathing hard and too spent to even turn off the light.

* * *

"Sir, a security update."

I stand, afraid that something has happened to Ana at her office but Taylor waves me down.

"Nothing of importance to report, sir. A few photographers are still camped out front of her building but outside of that, nothing suspicious is going on." I know this is his attempt at calming me down, I've been tearing any and every one new assholes this morning for no good reason. Taylor knows I'm concerned, no, fucking out of my mind with worry, that Ana is at her office across town and not here under my supervision.

"Prescott knows that she's the only one to leave the office?" We've been over this three times since yesterday but I need to hear it again.

"Yes, sir. Ryan and Reynolds will stay with Ms. Steele throughout the day and escort her back to Escala after work."

"Gail knows Anastasia will be staying over?"

"She expects it, sir." Perfect, that's exactly what I want, the people in my life to expect that Ana and I will be together.

For the moment I'm calm and get a bit of work done, the pressing fear of something happening to Ana put onto the back burner now that I'm assured she'll stay put. I pull out the post it from my pocket and smile.

**'You are kind.'**

I'm really not, not to most people at least but I care only about what Ana thinks of me so I take a picture of the note and put it back in my pocket. Barney comes in to set up the photo printer so that I can print hard copies of some of the more, _private,_ photos I've taken of Ana. Hell knows I won't trust anyone to print these out for me. The vulnerability of her in the photos speaks to me and even though she's sleeping in most of them, they're still incredibly sensual, a side of her I don't want anyone else to see.

"What's the email traffic been like since Monday?"

Barney snorts awkwardly and fidgets with something on my computer. His tie is so badly tied that I want to fix it myself. Did he just knot it around his neck?

"Well, you went from getting about 1500 outside nonsense emails a day to close to 8k overnight. It's taking four people just to weed through them to see if any are alarming. A few have been forwarded to Welch but I wouldn't get worked up about them yet."

"Why wasn't I notified of such a large uptick?" Barney steps back, he's not usually a target of my ire but today, no one is safe.

"It's not unusual for you to get hate mail and death threats and the increase is directly related to the latest, ehrm, news about you so I don't think any changes have been made to protocols." Fair enough.

"And to Ms. Steele's? Have her GEH emails been monitored? And have you rerouted her Steele Translation emails to be filtered through your office as well?"

"They have been and yes, her work emails are being rerouted. It's causing a delay on her receipt of them but as far as I know it hasn't caused any issues."

"There can't be a delay, I don't want to alarm her. Make the Steele Translation emails the priority." I hope my pointed stare conveys my message. She has no idea we're monitoring her emails, I'm afraid enough that the security has made her feel suffocated and I'd rather not add another layer on. Barney gets it thankfully and nods before he climbs beneath the desk to finish the install.

"I understand. Welch should be coming in to speak to you and fill you in on a few details later this morning." My head snaps to his but he continues to tap away at the keyboard in front of him while he sits cross legged on my floor. If he wasn't such a damn genius I'd fire him just for being annoying.

"Andrea!"

"Yes, sir."

"I want Welch in here now."

"Yes, sir." Barney gives her a little smile and wave from the floor, he's been eying her from the beginning of GEH when it was just Ros, Barney, Andrea and myself. The little I know about Andrea's personal life doesn't work in his favor though. I've met her boyfriend twice, seems nice enough but he is_ definitely_ not a Barney.

* * *

"Why am I just hearing about this now?" I'm enraged, boiling over with anger once Welch and Taylor bring me up to speed on the contents of Ana's emails. "Have any of these reached her?"

"No, sir. You're just now being briefed because until now we were still looking for IP addresses and getting as much information gathered as we could. There hasn't been anything malevolent either so nothing to report as far as threats go."

Threats to her safety, no. Threats to our little bubble of bliss? Yes. Since Monday Ana has received no fewer than 849 email solicitations from men, and some women, looking to 'take her out', 'show her the world', 'tempt her away', and my personal favorite, 'fuck her into oblivion'. _That's my job thankyouverymuch._

I can't say I didn't see this coming, she'd done a good job of keeping her sexuality under lock and key but now that the proverbial box has been opened, the sensual side of her is exposed for all to see. No longer able to hide in the shadows, her beauty and charm has been thrust out into the spotlight and I know that men everywhere will want her more so than they did before. _Fuck!_

"Going forward, I want any attempted contact with her that falls into this category to be tracked down and blocked. If there are any actual threats, I want them taken care of."

Welch holds his hands out but before he can speak I rebut what I know he was about to say.

"Hire as many people as you need. Anything that has to do with Ms. Steele is a priority."

* * *

"Christian, I was hoping we could meet for lunch today, touch base about a few things." I was hoping to have lunch with Ana but I do need to find out the latest on the SEC investigation and right now, my father is the best source of accurate information.

"I can meet at one, I'll have Andrea call Carolyn to set up a place."

When I arrive he's already seated and I'm not happy to see that he's pensive and fidgety, two things I've never seen him be. I waste little time on chit chat, I've got a thousand things waiting back at the office and I want to be home early enough for dinner with Ana.

"You gave her name to the lead investigator?"

"Yes, he said he'd look into her. I told him that you were my son and explained the connection between Ms. Perkins and GEH. He wasn't exactly thrilled to have yet another knot to unravel but he seemed pleased that I handed him the information willingly. I'd expect a visit or a call within the next week, two weeks at the latest. Don't be a prick, give more than they ask for and for god's sake keep your temper in check."

"What can I expect now then? She's been fired, I've got two guys from an outside company auditing her files as we speak and HR is digging into any inter office relationships she had. Welch has someone going through every email ever sent or received by her through GEH as well."

The waitress comes then and we order lunch but he continues to fidget.

"What is it?"

"It sounds like you've done a thorough job with Perkins, I expect that if something does come up with her that the SEC will see your efforts to assist and do what they can to keep GEH's role as minimal as possible."

"So what is still bothering you? Shit, you're making me nervous tapping your leg and throwing back your wine like that." Something is not right, I've never seen my dad this anxious and I've put the man through hell.

"Elena Lincoln stopped by to visit your mother last night." _Oh fuck._ I say nothing, just raise my eyebrows for him to continue but inside I'm already strung as tight as a bow.

"I know you and she do some business together and from what your mother could gather, that relationship is ending?" I nod, unwilling to give anything away. I want to know what she said before I say a word.

"I'm not going to ask for reasons why, she mentioned that you were getting good returns on your investments and that your involvement up to now required very little time or effort so I can only assume that your reasons are personal."

"Holy shit, dad, get to the point."

"Elena seems to think that your relationship with Ana is what's causing you to cut out."

"Why would that have anything to do with Elena and her salons?" I can see by the shift in his shoulders that _this_ is the reason why he's anxious.

"She said that she spoke with you about what she sees as Anastasia's intentions, that she thinks Ana is after you for your money and nothing else and that you're too blind to see it. According to what she told your mother, Ana has a reputation for seeking out wealthy men and using them."

I rub my hands over my face and into my hair, my eyes blazing at the audacity of the bitch.

"Do you believe that? Do you believe that she's like that dad?" My dad tuts and shakes his head before answering me.

"No, neither does your mother but it begs the question as to why Elena would say these things. She said she's been at functions with her and seen her with other men of a certain stature only to hear later that she's used them for as long as they let her and then she's left them."

"Dad, I can't believe we're even _having_ this conversation. For fucks sake the girl balks when she asks for _anything!_ She can barely stand that Gail makes her breakfast in the mornings, there is no way she's manipulative enough for any of that shit. I can't believe we're even talking about this!"

"Christian, I'll repeat, your mother and I don't buy into it but it does concern me that she would even mention it. She's always been a good friend to our family and I won't ask why you're ending your business relationship with her but the timing does seem suspect."

"I'm done here." I stand abruptly, the glasses on the table rocking their contents onto the tablecloth.

"Christian." I lean down, balancing on my fingertips and stare at my father, willing him to dig himself deeper.

"I will not sit here and let you talk about Anastasia like this. Do you think I'm a fool? Do you think I'm not extraordinarily careful with whom I let in my life?"

"Christian, we think Anastasia is wonderful. An intelligent, beautiful and welcomed addition to your life and hopefully one day to our family. We just felt it necessary to let you know what Elena said so that you can at least know what's being said and who's saying it. Nobody thinks you're a fool."

"And you sincerely don't believe that Ana is using me?"

"No, son, I don't." I sit back down but when the food comes it turns my stomach. Elena told me on Monday when she called that she wasn't going to let me out of the loan without a fight. Looks like she wasn't lying. A question strikes at me.

"Did she ask you to borrow money dad? Help her out of the loan debacle she's in?" He blanches and I know the answer already. My parents are wealthy but five million dollars is still a lot of cash not to mention the person they'd be lending it to.

"She did, we haven't discussed it yet but we need to answer her by tonight." FUCK! I can't believe the balls of this woman. Panic begins to set in as I imagine my parents loaning her money after what we've done together. She's painted me into a corner, I either pay up or my parents do.

"Dad, you can't loan her money. Please tell me you're not going to do it. Promise me!" My pleading alarms him, in the 25 years he's known me I've never done it. I can't possibly tell him why lending Elena Lincoln money would be so hideous, he'd never speak to me again and I can't, just can't do that to my mother.

"Christian, she's a good friend, she's always been so good to you, always tried so hard to reach out to you. I really wish I understood this turnaround from you."

"I'd rather give her time to find another investor than have you and mom give her money. Let me do that, dad, let me give her two weeks to find someone else. You just have to promise me that you won't be the one to loan her anything."

He looks contemplative, questions swirling around his head. I doubt he suspects the truth, I'm sure he doesn't or he'd never consider giving her money but he's not a fool. He knows there's something there beyond the obvious and I wait, tense and sick to my stomach for him to press on but he doesn't.

"I'll speak with your mother and express your concerns. For now you have my word that we won't give her anything. Now, can we move onto another uncomfortable subject? Ethan Kavanagh. I think he and your sister are sleeping together."

Oh my god, I'd almost rather talk about Elena. Almost.

* * *

**APOV**

"Ryan!" He comes in so quickly his name is still ringing in my head by the time he's standing in front of my desk as if he was in the military. "Hi, so, we need to figure out how this is going to work. I've got Missy's fiancée on the phone now, he can't get onto the elevator because Prescott doesn't know who he is. There are 14 other businesses in this building, I can't monopolize the space and the elevators."

"What is his name?"

"Logan Crawford." He speaks into his watch like he's Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible and a minute later a very pissed of Logan busts through the door.

"What the fuck, Steele? Fifteen minutes! Fifteen minutes for me to get past the gaggle of assholes out front and up to here." I am so embarrassed. Besides Logan I've fielded four angry calls from other tenants, all of whom have had to undergo background checks just to get past security downstairs not to mention the irritation of dealing with the parasitic press.

"I know, I'm so sorry, I think maybe I'll work from home for awhile, see if Kate will let me use the guest room as an office." Actually, the more I think about it, the better the idea sounds. As much as I love staying with Christian, my home is my apartment and I miss it. If I can work there during the day and stay with Christian at night, then I get the best of both worlds plus there are only five other tenants instead of 14.

"Missy, when is our lease up on this space?"

"About two weeks, I have the next six month contract ready for your signature on my desk. We also have a conference call with the Israeli Office of Tourism in a half hour. I've passed the literacy and verbal test, now they want to hammer out a deal."

My phone is buzzing every three seconds, every other buzz is Christian, every sixth buzz is my dad and every 12th buzz is Kate, pissed that she hasn't seen me or spoken to me since Saturday night. I wave Missy off and answer the phone since it's her calling this time.

"Hey. Yes, we did it."

"I fucking knew it! Oh my god, did it last like, four seconds or what? I bet he was so quick, can you imagine being that old and a _virgin_? Elliot's going to be so shocked, did you know his family thought he was gay until you came along? Elliot said the second you walked into Christian's line of sight he knew his brother was as straight as they came. Tell me everything. Details. Did it hurt like hell or what? Did you come?"

"Oh my god, Kate! No wonder you went to school for journalism. I don't even know where to begin. Um, no, it was great, not too quick and I don't know why Elliot thinks he was a virgin."

"Wait, he wasn't? Holy shit, Steele. Who then?"

"It's not my business to tell either way so drop it. I did know they thought he was gay, that's hilarious and dead wrong. What else? Oh, yea, it hurt a little but he was gentle. And oh my god yes. Like, a lot." She squeals and sighs into the receiver.

"My first time hurt like hell and I didn't come until I figured out how to make myself do it. Girls night, tomorrow after your class. I want details."

"I can't, I've got my first Krav class and before that I've got my first Pilates class since...last week. Are you going to Jose's show?"

"We are, want to get dinner together first? 5:30? The show starts at 7 and I want to be on time since it's his first exhibition."

"I'll run it by Christian but that sounds good. We'll talk that morning."

"Sounds great. Hey, and Steele, good for you grabbing life and taking control of it. I'm proud of you for not letting what happened take over."

I've returned my calls, signed the contracts for new business deals we gained over the last week and have updated my company financials. When I log onto my computer I try as diligently as I can to bypass the home screen and go directly to email but my name 'STEELE' glares at me in capital letters.

**A BILLIONAIRE DATING A WOMAN WITH THE LAST NAME STEELE? SAY IT AIN'T SO!**

_Sources close to the couple claim that the while Seattle's own demi-God is smitten with his new lady love, she's not so hot for him, but she sure is for his money! Is this a case of blinded by the shiny color of lust or the shiny color of cash?_

The rest of the article reiterates the inaccurate points of the first one but embarrassment streaks through me as I foolishly read the comments below. Strangers from across the globe have weighed in on what I'm doing to keep someone like him. What they think of my hair, my 'tits', my weight, my clothes. Hundreds and hundreds of comments attached to six different articles, all of them basically calling me a gold digger.

When Missy comes in for the conference call I can barely speak, _has she seen this?_ One look at her face as she eyes my screen tells me that she has.

"Anastasia Steele, we will deal with that later. Right now you have a huge client waiting to speak to you about money. Your money that you work your ass off for so pull your shit together and focus."

Forty minutes later we end the call and congratulate each other in every language we know the word for it in, our little ritual centering me and reminding me that I am way more than what strangers on the internet think.

"Now, do we need to discuss the ridiculousness and the jealousy that you were reading about or can we chalk it up to a lesson learned to never, and I mean never, read about yourself in the media again?"

"Missy, tell me the truth. Are you surprised that a man like Christian Grey would choose to be with a girl like me?" I know Missy, she's brash and honest, rough around the edges but not cruel, if anyone is going to tell me, it's going to be her.

"Are you fucking serious right now, Ana? I spent like, three minutes with you guys and I could tell you that that man is crazy about you. Crazy! About _you!_ You are a full grown woman who besides being drop dead gorgeous is smart as shit, funny as hell and kind as, well…just kind. Cut the shit and decide right now if you're going to let assholes like this," she waves at the computer and the window to indicate the crowd outside, "get to you."

My head rests on the back of my chair but before I can answer her my phone rings with Christian's ringtone. I answer it as I answer her, "You're right. I decide to not let it bother me."

"And to not read any more shit about it either. Change your home screen to CNN, they don't give a shit about you." I laugh as she waves her way out of the office and do exactly that as I talk to Christian.

"Hi, Christian. How was lunch?"

"Stressful. I wanted to check in and see how you were doing?"

"Are you referring to the articles being written about me and my unfortunate last name or the hundreds of comments ripping me to shreds or the crowd outside or the fact that I'm basically a prisoner in my office right now?" I'm trying to lighten the reality of my current situation but laying it all out like that only makes it worse.

"Shit, baby I am so sorry about what's being said. I've got my guys working right now to figure out who this 'source' is but I'm pretty sure it'll turn out to be the journalistic equivalent of the boogey man."

"Is that even worth it, I mean, won't this all die down soon?" His silence is telling. So this is it, my new life if I want to be with him. "Just give me some time to adjust ok? I'm not used to the scrutiny so just tell me what to do to navigate it."

Christian breathes a sigh of relief into the receiver.

"Just stay close to your CPO's and watch who you talk to. Even your friends are suspect right now until we figure out who's talking to the media. We're still trying to figure out who told them we met on a blind date, yet another inaccuracy by the way. I've got some ideas I'd like to discuss with you at dinner tonight. I'll pick you up at seven?"

"If you pick me up it's going to be out of control out there. Can't Ryan just drive me to your apartment? Or do you want to have dinner at my place? I don't want to assume I'm going back to your place."

"Ana, always assume I want you with me. I don't care where we go as long as we're both there but Gail is making dinner, if it makes you feel better than Ryan will just take you to Escala when you're ready, I'll be getting home around six thirty, some bull shit came up that I need to deal with. We can stay at your place tomorrow night if you want."

"OK, after my class. We can get take out and watch a movie. I could use a night like that right now."

Leaving my office a few hours later is like entering a different world. There are still a gaggle of 'reporters' outside and since my building doesn't have an underground garage, I'm subjected to the flashing of camera bulbs and the questions yelled at me from different directions. Even though a handful of questions are being lobbed at once, I hear only one.

"Anastasia, how did you manage to land someone like Christian Grey?" The woman who asked it is waiting for a response when I turn to her but I quickly look away remembering what Christian said about eye contact and answering them. She's not asking maliciously, she's not being a bitch or even trying to hurt my feelings. In reality it's a benign question but for me, it strikes at the heart of my insecurity when it comes to the way I view myself. How _did_ I land someone like him?

* * *

Under normal circumstances the minute I get home from work I change into what I call 'comfy clothes'. Yoga pants, t-shirt, pajamas. But now I wonder if I should stay dressed up, surely I look better that way, right? Do I really want Christian to come home after being surrounded by blond perfection all day to me in 'comfy clothes'?

"Don't move." I jump, caught off guard in nothing but a bra and panties while still debating what I should wear. "You look unbelievable." He stalks over to me and lightly runs his palms from my shoulders to my hips, leaning down to kiss my jaw. "I like coming home to you like this."

I've still not said a word and he pulls back slightly, accurately reading my mood. The man looks killer in his black suit and tie and even though I can feel how much he wants me, I still wonder why.

"What is it, Ana?"

I shrug and put my head into his chest feeling the weight of the day resting heavily on my shoulders.

"Nothing, it's so stupid."

"Hey, it's not stupid if it's bothering you. What is it?"

"It's just…a lot to take in. The press and the things they said about me. The way they analyzed me and my intentions. It was…hurtful. Embarassing. I'm embarrassed." His hand pushes me further into his chest while the other lifts me and carries me to the bed, sitting me down. He sits next to me and pulls my legs into his lap, mindlessly running his hands up and down my calves.

"Ana, I wish to God that I could keep you from all that shit. I wish it wasn't part of my life and that we could live in this private world where no one bothers us. I'm doing all I can to stop the flood of articles and pictures and to get those pariah away from you. What they say shouldn't have any effect on how you see yourself."

"But it does. There are people, a lot of them, commenting on my body for fucks sake. Everything from how bad my boob job is to how much they'd like to fuck the smile off of" his hand shoots up to interrupt me.

"I get it! I get it, trust me, I've read it. It's all jealousy, baby. Look at you, you are literal perfection." I lean back and look down at my breasts as he traces his finger over the tops of them. "That is one hell of a boob job, I couldn't even tell and I've spent a lot of time there recently."

I laugh in spite of myself, his humor highlighting the stupidity of the articles and the assumptions and inaccuracies of them as well.

"There's my girl. Are you hungry baby? Or can you wait a few minutes to eat?" He hooks his finger in the middle of my bra and pulls me to him and already my nipples harden for him. "Because I have thought of little all day except being inside you."

"Mmm. I can wait. I like you inside me." His eyebrows lift while his other hand unsnaps my bra, the hooked finger pulling it down and off in one fluid motion.

"Good, 'cause I plan to be there as often as you'll allow me. Now lie back and let me look at you."

I do as he says and watch with fascination as he slowly undoes his tie, his belt and his cuff links, laying the items on the night table before unbuttoning his shirt and pants. I'm wet just watching him, my heart rate ticking up as each hard muscle of his chest is revealed inch by inch. When he kicks off his shoes and leans down to remove his socks I grab my breasts subconsciously to relieve the ache.

"Oh fuck baby, you're playing with fire now." I like that I can do this to him and raise up on my elbows to watch as he pulls off his pants and boxers leaving him gloriously naked in nothing but an unbuttoned shirt. I have to touch him.

Before he can react I get on my knees and kiss the hollow of his throat, a low growl my reward. _He smells so good._ My hands skate up the outside of his arms and peel off his shirt while I lick and kiss that sensitive spot where I can feel his heartbeat. When he's naked I lean back and look at him, grabbing his wrists before he can touch me. I know what I want.

With a grin and a slow shake of my head I tip my face up to kiss him, the stunned expression remaining even after I kiss down his neck and scoot myself back onto all fours on the bed. Without using my hands I lick down one side of his shaft and circle the top only to lick down the other side.

"Ana." He breathes, his cock twitching and bobbing as I continue to lick and kiss it, flicking my tongue over the angry purple crown to catch the salty fluid as it comes out. I lean down, my ass high in the air in front of him and lick his balls, the smooth skin gliding across my tongue. "Fuck!" he yells and grabs my hair, the small tremor of his hands evident against my scalp.

When I suck him into my mouth his knees buckle and bend, supported by the mattress in front of him.

"Oh fuck yes, how deep can you take me?" Relaxing my mouth as much as I can I look up at him through my lashes and slowly guide him in until I feel him at the back of my throat. I swallow, he hisses and throws his head back, gripping my hair until it's painful.

Once I start moving again, slowly so that I can continue to take him deep he reaches down, his hands running the length of my back before one hand grabs the top of my thongs, pulling them higher so that they rub against the length of my slit. It feels good and I groan, the vibrations setting off another tremor in him.

With each downward slide of my mouth he tugs my panties until he abruptly stops, bending down to lift me under my arms and throw me onto my back.

"As much as that felt fucking amazing and fuck did you look hot doing it, I need to feel your legs wrapped around me, I need to feel your body underneath mine." He's pulled my thongs off and has both of my ankles in one of his hands, suspended in the air between us while his other hand guides his penis through my folds and into my body.

I just groan and moan at the sudden invasion, keenly aware of his intense stare where our bodies are joined.

"So hot, so fucking hot. Fuck you feel so good." Placing my ankles on each of his shoulders, he grabs me by my thighs and straightens onto his knees, pumping his hips in long sure strokes. After a minute he pushes my legs apart wrapping them around his hips and lifting me so that my only option is to hold onto the headboard behind me while my body is lifted a good foot from the bed.

He pushes his thumb into my mouth and I suck and bite it before he sits back and presses it against my clit. I can feel myself pulse under the pad of his finger and cry out when only a few seconds later I come powerfully around him.

"Hold on, baby." He yells but I can't, all strength has left my body with that release and try as I might, I can't grab onto the headboard. His pace doesn't stop even when he grabs both ankles again and lifts them high in the air.

"You, Ana. You are all I want. So fucking sexy, so fucking hot. Always you." When he comes he bites the flesh of my calf, leaving perfect teeth marks that will stay for hours and bruise by morning.

* * *

**CPOV**

"Sir?"

"Escalva, you heard me." Taylor pulls into traffic while I return Welch's call. The articles about Ana are still being pushed out in rapid succession and the comments attached are vicious. I know she's read them because I know Ana and because Ryan told me the conversation she had with Missy about them. It doesn't help that what the articles are saying mirrors what my Dad just said either….could Elena be the 'other source'?

"Welch here."

"Why are these articles still being posted? What can we do to shut them down and to shut down the comments?"

"Mr. Grey, it's the press, we have no real authority with regards to what they post unless it's slander."

"Then tell them it is and shut this shit down! No fucking excuses!" My head is ready to split in two when I dial Burt Whalen's number next.

"Redeem yourself and find out who's writing these bullshit articles about Anastasia and sue them. If they refuse to stop, connect with Ros and begin to buy or takeover the media outlets that won't cooperate."

I hang up before he can answer and ask Taylor for an Advil. He hands two back to me without asking why and pulls in front of Escalva, double parking. I don't give a fuck.

"Mr. Grey, good afternoon, we weren't expecting you. Shall I get Franco for you?" The blond at the reception desk stands as if to greet me but I don't even look at her when I answer.

"No." I button my suit jacket as I walk past the staff and fling open the door to Elena's private office. She jumps and quickly recovers, smoothing her black skirt and smiling.

"Well well well." Looking at her watch, _that I fucking bought her_, she continues. "I expected you last night. Did you think you could pull out on me like that and not have me strike back? Have you forgotten who taught you everything you know?" She walks purposefully towards me, close enough so that I can see the challenge and the animosity in her eyes. "I made you and I will destroy you, _Christian_."

"My parents, Elena? Haven't you fucked them over enough?"

"Whatever are you referring to? My saving of their son? My making him one of the most powerful men in the world? Or my unyielding friendship to dear Grace?"

"They won't lend you the money, I've made sure of it." She lifts her chin defiantly and smirks.

"Too bad, I guess I'll just have to raise capital another way. Perhaps by selling artwork, photographs to be exact." Alarm bells start go off in my head, I've taken pictures of my subs in compromising positions as insurance but I know they're locked away in the vault in my office and only myself and Taylor have the code for that. There's no way she'd release the pictures of she and I when I was underage, that would only ruin her, not me.

"From Harvard?" The air has left my lungs but I don't let her see it, instead I stand to my full height and count backwards from 20.

"Oh, you remember? Yes, that was a particularly dark period for you, wasn't it?" She looks at her nails and blows gently, "Just had a manicure."

"What do you want, Elena?"

Her lips lift in what I guess is a smile but the botox has made that all but impossible to do.

"What do I want, Christian? Well, what I want…" she pauses and runs her red nails up my tie, pressing the point of one into my neck, "you won't give me. So what's a girl to do?"

"Elena, no amount of blackmail will get me to fuck you again. Just the thought makes me gag." Her head cocks to the side, a forced frown marring her face.

"Too bad, you were so good. Well, if I can't have what I _really_ want, then I want money. You couldn't just leave well enough alone and stay as a backer, you had to be an asshole and now look what you've gone and done. You've fucked yourself in the ass." She pauses and smiles, "Oh I forgot, you never did like that very much. Does Anastasia?"

Pictures or no pictures, money or no money, she can not say that name. I grab her wrist painfully, squeezing it while her eyes grow wider until I recognize the glow of sexual arousal in her. When I release her I push her away and lean in.

"If you say her name again, Elena, I will fucking rip you in half and sell the plastic to the highest bidder. You are nothing but a dried up cunt and I'm through with you. If five million is all it takes to rid you out of my life forever, then it's a small price to pay."

She looks a bit surprised by my venom but recovers quickly, the mask of perfection falling in place as I turn to go.

"I didn't say anything about five million. All that does is cover the loans." The pictures, she wants money for the pictures. She blows on her nails again, speaking quietly. "I would hate, absolutely _hate_ if pictures of you fucking two women at once were to find their way to sweet little Anastasia. I mean, how would she feel about you if she were to see something like that? Innocent that she is? Oh! Or if she were to see you whipping the cane around, leaving those sexy lines you couldn't get enough of? Or the crème de la crème? Your face buried between _my_ legs?"

I fight the bile coating my mouth as my mind whirs with my options and my limitations. She's got me by the balls, she knows it, I know it.

"How much?"

"Ten." I catch my gasp at the last possible second, I won't give her the satisfaction.

"How?" Turning and walking to her desk she opens the top drawer and pulls out an index card, writing a number on it before sauntering back over to me and handing it to me.

"You have until Friday." Her pleased look pisses me off further. "We'll meet for lunch once the wire is complete, I'll hand over the pictures and the negatives then and only then. And you _will_ eat lunch, Christian. Nobody walks away from me."

She leans back, quite pleased with herself as she crosses her arms smugly. "Have I made myself clear?"

"Let me make myself clear now. You'll get your money, I'll get the pictures. But if you think this is over, you have grossly underestimated me you disgusting piece of rotted flesh." I pause at the door and half turn towards her, "By the way, you have lipstick on your teeth." I laugh as the door shuts, of all the things I said, that's the one that will bother her the most.


	21. Chapter 21

**Authors note: To the guest reviewer who wrote, "It'd be cheaper to have her killed", thank you! Don't think I didn't think about going that route! Thanks to you all for the reviews, I try to respond to each one but if you're a 'guest', I can't so thank you as well. Another guest was upset that CG seemed gullible and stupid because he's dealing with Elena at all. I see your point, (I'd respond privately but you were a guest so I can't) but you have to remember that he was molested by a pedophile. That fucks with your head for years and years and he's just now starting to work that out. He'll come around, this story is mainly about his journey to wellness, but that process has just started for him. Trust me, no child molester is going to come out on top in one of my stories.**

* * *

**APOV**

On Wednesday Christian is gone by the time I wake for the day. It's strange, being in his room without him. He's so…him. Larger than life, domineering, controlling, alpha male. Nothing about Christian Grey speaks to weakness or vulnerability in his day to day life but with me, he's different. I see him without the veneer of CEO and get to enjoy the man behind the myth. _I am one lucky girl._

Rolling out of bed I'm reminded of where he's been as the remnants of last night run down my leg. Of all the talks I've had with Kate over the years about sex, she never once mentioned how messy it can be. I really need a day of no sex. Much as it pains me, and I mean that literally, I need to let myself recover. He's been inside of me as often as I'll let him and the man is not small. The problem is twofold. One, any sort of rejection from me causes him to immediately self-loathe and my entire agenda right now is to build him up. Two, it just feels so damn good that I can't make him stop because I myself don't want to stop.

After I use his body wash in the shower and his razor on my legs and underarms, I lotion up and head out to the kitchen where Gail has made me breakfast and coffee.

"Good morning, Ms. Steele."

"Gail, please call me Ana. It makes me so uncomfortable when you call me Ms. Steele. I'll tell Christian that I asked you myself, just please, _please_ call me Ana." She grins and lays a plate of waffles in front of me.

"OK, _Ana_. Mr. Grey told me to tell you that Ryan would be driving you to work and to your class. Also, I'm going grocery shopping later today, is there anything specific you'd like me to have in the house for you?"

Her kindness and acceptance of my presence touches me and after the tenderness she showed to me after the Hyde attack I look at her as more than a 'house manager' as Christian calls her. I'd like to ask her about the other girls and get as many details as I can about his former life but I know that would be asking too much of her. _I bet he made her sign an NDA anyway._

"That's really sweet of you but it's not necessary. I have to be honest, it's hard for me to have you wait on me. As much as I enjoy your cooking, and I do, a lot, it's tough for me to feel like I'm not taking advantage of you." She gives me a smile as she washes the waffle iron.

"You're sweet. This is my job, it's what I love doing and I take pride in doing it well." She's contemplative so I take a bite of my waffle, silently willing her to keep speaking. "Mr. Grey is a wonderful man, thoughtful, honest, driven. I've always enjoyed working for him, he's always been appreciative and never abusive but he's been so isolated. Since he's met you, he's…different. It's been a joy to watch and it thrills me to be a part of it. I like taking care of him and I like taking care of you."

All I can do is smile. _Different since he met me._

"Thank you, Gail. You do a very good job of it."

Ryan isn't so easy when it comes to what he's willing to call me.

"Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey was very specific that we are to address you by last name only." And that was that.

We drive in and park in the underground garage, pulling into one of the spots reserved for "CTG". There is still a crowd of paparazzi out front but the GEH building is a virtual fortress, much like Escala and I feel much safer here than in my own office building. I'd been able to keep my mind busy last night and even this morning but the minute I see the cameras, my thoughts immediately begin to recite the ugly things I read about myself yesterday.

Andrea greets me when I get off the elevator, raising her eyebrows at Jacqueline when she fails to do the same. _Whatever, bitch. I can still feel him between my legs. I bet she left one of those comments._ I know all I need to do is mention to Christian that she irks me and he'd fire her right away. The thought puts a little skip in my step as I head down the hall to my office.

* * *

"Good morning, Anastasia Steele."

"Oh my god, do you know how hard it was to get through to you? I called your office but some girl named Courtney answered and would only put me through to Missy once I gave my blood type and promised her my first born child." I laugh at my friend Lisa's dramatics. She's a good friend and always good for a laugh with her over the top explanation of everything.

"Sorry, I had to have my business calls routed though the GEH switchboard because of the crazy amount of calls I was getting and I had to change my cell number. The only calls that come through are the ones that have been vetted by security here, I'll make sure you get on the list."

"Missy told me. She also told me that it took her an hour to get past the media this morning. I'd say I hope it's worth it but I've seen pictures of him and holy mother of god is it worth it! Please tell me you're doing it with him."

"Lisa, you are too much! Are you going to Jose's show tomorrow night? We can catch up and you can meet Christian then."

"I am! Oh I'm so excited! I was going to introduce myself when I saw him yesterday but he had some security guy with him and I figured it wasn't a good day to get shot so I stayed back."

"You saw him yesterday?"

"Yea, he was leaving a salon of all places. Esclava, the expensive one on the north end of the city."

Esclava? Elena's salon? I quickly run over the conversations we had and not once did he mention seeing her or even going to the salon. I know he didn't get a haircut, maybe he got a manicure? I make a mental note to check today.

"Right, I know it. I hear the owners a real bitch."

"Wouldn't know, I can't afford to walk in the door let alone get anything done. I'll let you get back to work, I just wanted to reach out and see what was going on. I'll see you tomorrow, Steele."

She's hung up before I can say goodbye but that's because I'm still stuck on why he didn't tell me about going to Esclava. I can't dwell on it too much since I've got three calls this morning and a shit ton of paperwork so I get right down to it and forget all about Elena for now.

* * *

"Hey baby." I'd know that voice anywhere and smile before I even look up to find him standing in my doorway, looking all hot in a disheveled CEO, I run the world kind of way. "Hungry?"

I just smile, stand and grab my bag but Christian meets me halfway, taking the bag from my hand and tipping me back to kiss me. Instinctively I grab at the lapels of his suit jacket, saddened by his tense reaction.

"Are we going to our restaurant?" I choose to ignore the pang in my heart at his physical rejection of my touch. _One day._

"Yes. I've got an appointment in a bit across town so I ordered for us already. I hope you like salmon."

When we sit down the first thing I look at are his fingers. Truthfully I have no idea what I'm looking for so I skip my covert mission and just come right out and ask him about his manicures.

"Who does your manicures? And who cuts your hair? Do you ever go clothes shopping? Did you have a decorator or did you choose everything in your apartment?"

"Whoa, whoa! What in the hell is going on?" he laughs. I shrug and grab the hand he's laid palm side up on the table. The women at the table next to us are glaring at me so I trace his palm with my fingernail to rile him up a bit. It works. "Ana. It's been over 12 hours, keep that up and I'll take you right here."

"Actually, I wanted to talk about that with you. I'm sore, like, it hurts to sit here sore. I need to take a day." He looks positively crestfallen and grips my hand pulling me closer to him across the table.

"Anastasia. I can't. You can't ask me to abstain from touching you, I can't." He's serious, I can see the line of his brow as the panic rises in him and while it makes me feel wanted, it also makes me want to laugh. We're talking about a few more hours, not a week. But, if I've learned one thing about Christian, it's that sex to him, at least with me, is a conversation, a connection that he sees as vital. Maybe if I appeal to his protective side this will go over a bit more smoothly.

"Christian, I'm hurting. You're not exactly small." He grins lewdly at me and takes a sip of wine.

"And you're not exactly big." Cue the blush. "One day, Ana. Any longer than that and I'll go crazy. I waited too long to have you to take a break already." His hand runs through those fuckable copper locks and tugs. "Fuck, I'm going crazy now and it's been 13 hours. I mean it, today, that's it."

"OK, OK. Geesh. So anyway, back to my questions." One roll of the eyes later he answers.

"Franco, Franco, no and I hired a decorator but made the final decisions."

"Who's Franco? Where does he work?"

"Franco works at Esclava but he comes to the apartment every other week, usually before I leave for the office. Why?"

"I just can't picture you in a salon but obviously you're well groomed, I just wondered how. And how do you get your clothes?" So Franco comes to the apartment, he doesn't go to the salon for manicures. Or did he yesterday since I've been staying over?

"I have a personal shopper at Neiman Marcus. Carolyn Acton, and actually, she'll be contacting you shortly to set up a day to come in and get some things. You'll also get to meet Franco when he comes on Monday morning." Well that answers that.

"Clothes? For me?" He laughs, throws back the rest of his wine and shakes his head.

"Yes, of course for you."

"Why? Do you not like what I have?" Suddenly I feel very small and dowdy even though I'm dressed in a $900 grey Hugo Boss pantsuit.

"I love the way you dress. Even in a pantsuit you look sexy as fuck with that perfect apple ass of yours though now I'm guessing that a pantsuit was a deliberate choice on your part." I nod and smile, he's too smart for his own good. "I have a lot of business dinners and events that I have to go to and I want you to come along as often as you can. I thought it'd be nice for you to go on a shopping spree. Don't all women want that?"

He truly looks confused. It makes sense though, he's richer than god and has only ever been with women who were after something. From the little he's told me of his subs, they all were given an allowance and a car along with occasional gifts and clothing depending on how long they were around. I know he gives Mia money every month and from what I can tell, he's very generous with his close staff as well. I remember reading an article in a magazine at the doctor's office over the winter about 'love languages' and gift giving and receiving was one of them. I wonder if that's how he's shown his affection in the past since verbal and physical affection were never an option.

"I'm in the minority of women who find shopping to be boring and tedious. I love a good pair of shoes and I do like to wear nice things but the act of shopping bores me to tears. And to be quite honest with you, Christian, you buying me clothes makes me a bit uncomfortable. We just started dating."

When he fidgets in his seat I feel terrible and when he drops my hand and pulls back a bit I feel like an ass. This is how he shows his feelings and I just told him I'm not comfortable with it. _Fix this Steele!_

"Baby, I'll meet with Caroline Acton, I'll let her measure me and get a list of my likes and dislikes and then we can handle it like you did with the designer. She can email you her picks and you can choose what you like. Problem solved?" Oh please don't let this hurt him. I see the idea roll around before he decides that it's acceptable.

"You called me baby." He gives me that patented Christian Grey full watt smile. Damn, there go my panties. "Yes, we can work the clothes like you just said. Now eat up, I can't be late for my meeting and I want to walk you back so those pariah fuckers don't get too close."

* * *

At 5p Ryan comes to collect me so that he can drive me to my Pilates class. I'm actually nervous, afraid of what I'll walk into. The press has of course figured out what studio I teach at and has been camping out front for three days according to Jared, the guy who owns the studio. When we park Ryan has to shove his door open so that we can get out and he grabs my hand, tucking me into his suit jacket to usher me inside. I'm stunned, literally shocked to see a hand gun strapped to his waist.

"You have a gun?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be waiting here for you, the building was secured a few minutes ago. Prescott will be in the room with you, I'll be guarding this door here." I nod and walk into my class, hugging the students that know about the attack and have been here long enough to be considered acquaintances of mine. He's moved us to the back room so that the paparazzi can't take any pictures of me or the class. When the last student leaves, Jared approaches me, kissing both cheeks before issuing his standard, 'Namaste'.

"Anastasia, I'm glad you decided to come back."

"Me too but I'm not sure it's going to work. Look outside, I can't do this to you." Jared throws his head back and laughs, grabbing me by the elbow and steering me to his office.

"Ana, I had to hire a temp just to field the phone calls looking to get into your class. A Jason Taylor and I have been in contact since Monday afternoon reviewing applicants and running back ground checks. You're the best thing to happen to business since the invention of the yoga mat! Speaking of business, have you decided on the photos yet? The website is almost ready to launch but I really want some fresh pictures on it."

"I have thought about it and I think it'd be fun but it brings me back to this bullshit." I say to him pointing at the crowd of people at the door. "Do you really want this? Pictures of me on the website are only going to make it worse."

"Listen, you're one of the best instructors here, you have the perfect Pilates body and you're beautiful. I want you to do the pictures but if you're not up for it, I understand." I want to do them, Jared has always been so helpful and kind to me and this would be a way to say thank you to him.

"OK, I'll do it. When?"

"I'll set something up for Sunday after class if you're available. It'll take a few hours so figure 5 to about 10? Does that work?"

"Yes, as long as you promise me that if you change your mind you'll tell me."

"I promise and I promise I won't be changing my mind." With a final 'Namaste' he walks me to the door and kisses me goodbye on both cheeks as the cameras click away. _Losers_.

* * *

The dojo that I'll be taking Krav Maga lessons at is only three blocks away. Originally I thought we'd walk but I now realize that that is impossible with the security issues at hand._ I can't believe this is my life._

Eyal Yael is one of the top Krav Maga instructors in the United States. I'd heard about him when I first moved to Seattle but getting into a class with him is next to impossible since the wait list is three years long. Christian has somehow managed to get me two lessons a week for an hour each. Privately.

"When was the last time you practiced and with whom?"

"Three years ago at a dojo in Vancouver with an expert two."

"I don't want to know your current level yet, I want to see what you can do and then we'll go from there. On the mat, let's begin."

I know he's going easy on me, he's an expert five and in far better shape than I am. I'm surprised at how quickly the moves and drills return to me, it's much like riding a bike, albeit a painful one. Over and over again I find myself on the mat or in a position that allows for no movement, a visceral reminder of how I froze during the attack on me.

"Ana! Focus!" but I can't as he grabs me by my neck again and forces me to my knees. I'm fighting tears with all I've got, trying to channel those fearful and shameful emotions into anger but I can't and I sit in a heap on the mat with my arms crossed around my shins.

"I'm sorry." I whisper to both Eyal and Ryan who's now crouching next to me and looking me over for bruises. "I'm not hurt, I just…I just…"

"You were victimized. You haven't dealt with it yet. You need to or this is all for nothing." Eyal widens his arms and orders me to stand. "We will deal with it now. You will be prepared. Tell me what happened."

I shake my head, terror consuming me as I try in vain to stop the images and the sound of Hyde's voice from overtaking me. "I can't."

"You must!"

"Ms. Steele, the car is waiting out front." I look quickly at the clock on the wall. I've only been here 40 minutes but I'm at my limit. I take Ryan's outstretched hand and pull myself up, turning to Eyal who eyes me with remonstrance, challenging me to continue. I can't and it shames me.

"You will come back on Friday afternoon and you will finish your hour. You will, each lesson, tell me everything that happened over and over until you can say it and not react to it. You will work through it and you will overcome it. Be prepared."

* * *

**CPOV**

"What did you find out?" I've ordered Welch to the Escala gym so that he can brief me in private on the many security issues I'm dealing with right now.

"Well, the account is a personal one, it's not tied to a business but oddly enough, it's not in her name. It's under the name of Magdalena Corsica. I thought maybe Elena was a nickname so we pulled her other accounts and her birth certificate and her name is just Elena. The social security numbers are different so we started there. A Magdalena Corsica was born in 1974 and died in 1975 in Toledo Ohio. Before you ask, there are no ties whatsoever to her and Elena."

"So she's using someone else's social number? Surely that's a crime."

"It is but it's easy enough to get parole and nothing else. If you really want to nail her, you're going to need more than that and what we've got now," he pauses and raises his eyes at me, "isn't enough."

"Welch, cut the shit. What else were you able to find? Where are we on everything else?" I hear him take a deep breath and clear his throat. Six am or not, I pay him enough to be available 24/7 so he needs to wake the fuck up right now.

"Interestingly, the account has six million in it, just sitting there accruing interest. There are a number of hundred thousand dollar deposits over the last few years and a number of deposits for 25 thousand. In between there are hundreds of deposits ranging from one thousand to ten thousand dollars. All of them in cash."

"Do you have the dates of the larger deposits? The hundred and twenty five thousand dollar ones?"

"I've got every line of activity since she opened it eight years ago."

"Is there any way to trace the deposits?"

"No, they were all done in cash at the Bank of America branch in Walla Walla. What's really suspect is that any cash deposit over $10k in the US requires a report to be filed with the Federal Government called a CTA. I checked, not one report has been filed on Elena or on Magdalena."

"Send me over what you've got as soon as you get in, I'll let you know if I require anything more." He breathes a sigh of relief and drops the weight with a loud clang. My call to Tony Lain goes unanswered and straight to voice mail. I would not want to be him when he wakes up to my message.

Burt Whalen has cancelled the loan rescind without asking why. If he had he'd be out of a job so apparently the man wised up overnight. On my way to my breakfast meeting I check on the status of the online articles being written about Ana and I'm pissed to see that not only have they not stopped, they've multiplied. Every person that ever had any interaction with her is coming out of the woodwork to talk about her. Most of the 'friends' they've interviewed have only good things to say but there are two, from men no less, that insinuate that they were previous relationships of theirs. Fury boils in my veins and I forward the names, 'Alex' and 'Ryan' over to Welch to track down.

During breakfast I see Tony call, no doubt in the middle of an apoplexy at having not answered my call but I let him go to voice mail.

I have little interest in the shipyard we're purchasing in Panama, it's merely a staging area for our cross Atlantic trading route but I listen nonetheless as the man and woman across from me blather on about it but my mind is still in bed with Ana. Apparently so is my dick because I keep thinking back to yesterdays wake up call, pissed that I have to waste my time on these fuckers instead of getting my girl off. I find little else as satisfying as her face as I take her to climax. _Damn._

Back in the car I'm antsy to get back to GEH since I know Anastasia is there. On my phone is the text she sent with her daily affirmation as she calls it.

**You make me laugh.**

I snort, startling Taylor in the front. I make her laugh.

**-I make you laugh? So you find me funny?-**

**Yes! All of the time!**

**-Funny haha or funny weird?-**

**A little of both. Mostly haha though.**

**-You won't be laughing tonight, baby. I've got plans for that mouth-**

* * *

"Mr. Grey, I'm sorry that I was unavailable when you called earlier. I'm assuming that you called about Mrs. Lincoln so I've brought the documents along with me for you to look over."

"You assumed correctly. I need something to put her in jail on. Legit crimes." He looks chagrined but bravely pushes on.

"So far there is nothing. Her books weren't done well, there were quite a few adjustments that I needed to make but nothing that warranted any real action. Certainly nothing as far as her tax returns go. I never did get her personal returns or her portfolios but I did manage to get ahold of the 1099's from her investments for the last four years. Nothing suspect there either."

"Fuck! What do you recommend then?"

"Well, I'm not finished, I've got two years left but my recommendation is to do nothing. She should hire a new bookkeeper who's better at organization but outside of that, the books are clean, she even reported her cash income."

"Keep looking. I want a report on Friday morning, 9am, no later."

When he leaves my office I punch the desk and stand to go to Ana. She's been on a call since I got here but I don't want to wait any longer to see her.

"Andrea, let me know the minute Ms. Steele if finished with her call."

"Yes, sir."

Walking to the window I look down at the street below and watch as my employees enter and exit the building, a steady stream of people dependent on my choices and my decisions to keep them in a job so that they can feed their families and put a roof over their head. It's a heavy responsibility and not one I take lightly. If those pictures were to come out or if Elena somehow injects my name and lifestyle into the gossip rags, close to 40,000 people could be out of a job in a matter of weeks. If this Agnes Perkins bull shit turns out to be an issue, the same result could occur. The pressure is incredible.

I need Anastasia, _need_ her, not want her, _need_ her. I can tell her about the things that I've done but hearing about something and seeing it are two very different things. She absolutely cannot see those pictures, I can't risk her leaving me.

Andrea buzzes in that she's off the phone and I go to her, stopping in the doorway to drink in the sight of her. She's reading something in front of her, her hand holding a pen, poised to write something down. That bottom lip of hers is trapped in her teeth, a habit of hers I find indecently erotic.

When I kiss her she grabs at my chest and I react to the unexpected touch, tensing and pulling back instinctively. I can see the hurt in her eyes before she blinks and forces it away. _I'm working on it, baby._

My manicures? Only Ana would ask such a question. My good humor is quickly replaced by my raging libido when she traces my hand with her finger, each stroke registering in my groin. My libido is quickly replaced by panic though when she informs me that she can't, or more accurately, _won't_, have sex for the rest of the day. Not possible, I need her!

As she speaks I listen and feel a pang of guilt. I saw her face when I entered her in the middle of the night. I could see then the wince but I kept going, needing to feel her around me too much. It didn't matter to me that I'd already fucked her three times before or that she had been sleeping, I wanted her. _I'm a fucking animal,_ _it's a wonder she's sitting here talking to me at all_. I can do a day, the last thing I want to do is push her away from me.

When she informs me that she doesn't like shopping I'm unsure how to respond. I've never met a woman who didn't take from me all that she could except my mother and Mia. It bothers me that I've purchased anything for any woman other than Anastasia and I want to make that up to her. Watching her though, seeing her attempt to navigate this mine field I've made for her is a revelation. She wants nothing to do with the trappings of my wealth. It makes me want to give her everything.

The rest of the day passes in a blur, an endless and mindless parade of meetings, conference calls and excel sheets. Neither Ros nor I have heard anything from the SEC and the auditors working on the Perkins files have found nothing of consequence yet. I have Andrea connect me to my fathers office, if anything I can be proactive in gathering information.

"Dad, a minute?"

"Sure, what do you need, Christian?"

"I haven't heard anything from the SEC, the FBI the IRS, nobody. What's your latest information?"

"There isn't any. You most likely won't hear from them until Mr. James's arrest. Once that happens they'll show up within hours. Outside of that, you just need to focus on seeing what you can find out first and doing what you can to help out the investigation should it come down to it."

"Alright. I've removed the loan modification for Elena, there's no need to think about loaning her anything." It's a half lie, I've only temporarily held it so that I can play this out with her on Friday. If Elena Lincoln thinks she's going to blackmail me and then use my parents as leverage, she's got another thing coming.

"I'm glad to hear it son, whatever happens business wise, she and your mother have been friends for a long time, I'd hate for there to be tension between them." He may as well punch me in the gut.

"Right. If you hear any movement on the James issue, please call me right away and let me know." I need to get off the phone, I can't take one more second of listening to him talk about Elena.

* * *

"Wow. So you had sex, in your bed, without restraints and then you slept with her _in_ the bed?"

"And slept well. No nightmares, not even one. Slept through the night and then spent the entire day with her just hanging out."

"I don't know what to say for once. This is great, Christian!" It is, I know it is but I still feel a real sense of panic when I think about where my life is heading no matter how much I'm enjoying my time with Anastasia. Flynn focuses in on the issue of the day, quickly ingesting my words and spitting them back at me in an organized, coherent manner.

"Your anxiety about the direction your relationship with Anastasia is taking is because you feel out of control. Love does that to you, it mixes you up, rearranges your priorities and shifts the earth beneath your feet. You have always strived to be in control of every aspect of your life but love means giving up a significant amount of that control and trusting someone else with your fears and your insecurities."

_Insecurities?_ Please, I'm a fucking billionaire with a face that gets me whatever I want. What insecurities?

"You've spent years, your entire life really, building walls and keeping people out of your life." I snort and sit back, running my hands through my hair and laughing.

"Yea, and in four minutes she walked right through them and took over. Now what?"

"You keep letting her do whatever it is that she's doing. In the short amount of time you've known her she's done more for you than any amount of therapy has. Give yourself to her, not just your sexual prowess but your trust, your loyalty, even your insecurities. Tell her how you feel, what you want from her. You can't control another human being, _especially_ a woman despite your previous relationships."

When I tell him about the latest with Elena he sits back contemplatively and remains quiet long after I've finished speaking.

"Are you more concerned about the pictures reaching the public, your family, or Anastasia?"

"All three equally but if I'm honest, more Ana than anybody else. I can live without the company, I can accept that my family will always love me even if they hate what I've done but I cannot live without Ana."

"Have you considered telling them, your family and Ana about the photos so that they're useless as emotional blackmail?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? Absolutely not. You have no idea what's on them. They're proof of my sadism, my darkness, right there in black and white for anyone to see."

"Are you still calling yourself a sadist after seeing one in action?" He's right, after seeing Hyde abuse those women I know I'm not a true sadist but I still got off on another's pain. I _still_ have to remind myself, hourly sometimes, that Ana isn't a sub that I can boss around and spank. _Spanking Anastasia, I can only hope that one day she lets me._

"No, I'm not like him but it doesn't change the images on those photos. Me, fucking multiple women at once, gagging them, hitting them, forcefully fucking their mouths while suspending them from the ceiling. It doesn't matter that they wanted it or that they enjoyed it, all that matters is that the pictures speak to a darkness that she could never understand. I can't risk Ana ever seeing them." My voice drops to a whisper, "She'd never want to see me again. I'll pay any amount of money to keep them from her, ten million is nothing."

"And do you really think that paying Elena off is going to get her out of your life for good?" And therein lies my problem. I know it won't. I want to destroy her, watch her wilt and wither and die in front of me but I still see how she helped me and as much as I hate her, I feel beholden to her on some level. It was she who stopped my drug use, she who stopped my drinking and fighting, she who taught me all about self control and the merits of being self reliant. Elena taught me how to be touched, how to find physical release with another person without having a panic attack. For fucks sake she lent me the money to start GEH. I hate myself for it but I feel an obligation to her even though I hate her. Flynn calls it Stockholm Syndrome, I call it reality.

Hourly I find myself debating on paying her off and wanting her arrested and thrown in jail. I can't help but wonder where I'd be if she hadn't stepped in when she did and I hate myself for it. Even so, my temper takes over when he starts throwing the words molestation, manipulation, abuse, and pedophile around. He just doesn't get it.

"Enough, John. You never seem to acknowledge the fact that I'd be dead had she not come along." _Am I really defending this woman? Am I that fucked up?_

"Not true, Christian. You would have been given an opportunity to find coping mechanisms that worked for you that weren't destructive and built on lies and coercion."

"For fucks sake, let it go!" I cut him off and launch into the larger issue at GEH. The Agnes Perkins issue and the multi-billion dollar acquisition we're working on with the Chinese that could nearly double my company and my international influence.

"I'll play along and talk about work but not until I say this. Until you accept what was done to you, not only by the pimp and your mother but also by Elena, you will always struggle. Ana can bring you calm and comfort and she can center you but she can't be your only coping mechanism. Imagine what that would do to her eventually. You have to deal with your victimization head on, Christian. Until you do, you're a sinking ship."

* * *

Just as I cut into my steak I see Taylor make his way over to me and I'm immediately distracted. The gentlemen I'm having dinner with, business associates I deem worth my time, fall quiet. He leans down into my ear.

"Sir, an issue with Ms. Steele, she's fine." He adds the last part quickly so that I don't freak the fuck out. I throw my napkin on the table and rise, buttoning my suit jacket and making eye contact with all four men.

"Gentlemen, I need to attend to something. Excuse my haste." I don't wait for their replies but charge out to the waiting car. The second the door shuts Taylor drives and fills me in.

"Ryan called a few minutes ago, at her Krav lesson she kept stopping, he described her as becoming unfocused, almost as if she were in a daze. At the 40 minute mark she fell to the ground shaking and refused to continue. He had to carry her to the car, fortunately there were no paps around. He's got her enroute to her apartment now but thought you should know."

"Drive faster for fucks sake then! What the fuck did he do to her?" I'm dialing Ryan but Prescott answers.

"Sir, Prescott. Ryan is driving."

"What happened?"

"I'm not entirely sure, sir. She was being assessed, working on moves and defense positions but after a few minutes she kept falling to the ground, each time it was harder to get her to respond until she sat, balled herself up and stopped talking. The instructor was demanding that she tell him what happened to her and she tried but she couldn't."

"Why the fuck would he do that? Asshole, fucking damn piece of shit asshole. Put her on the phone."

"Christian?" She sounds so small and timid. I make a mental note to get her in to see Flynn.

"Baby, I'm on my way. You're going to be alright, I'll be right there."

"OK." The phone hangs up but we're a minute away so I refrain from calling back. Taylor and I arrive before she does and I wait outside where her car will be parked, whipping open her door the second it stops.

Her arms just reach up and I pick her up and carry her inside as Prescott deals with the elevator, door and alarm. "Order us dinner, something quick. Leave it on the table and give us the apartment." I need to get her to bed, my sexual appetite has kept her up late, woken her up in the middle of the night and woken her up early. _Fucking animal. She had to fucking tell you to give her a break you piece of shit!_

"Ana, do you want to tell me what happened?" I'm keeping my voice low and gentle as I strip her and let her hair out of its ponytail. Her eyes are downcast and she shrugs in my arms as I carry her to the tub. Once it's filled enough she gets in, wincing when she sits. _Animal!_

"I don't know. I froze. _Again_. He kept coming at me, trying to get me to fight and I just couldn't, it's almost as if I wanted him to hit me. I was a G2 blue belt when I stopped three years ago but after 20 minutes I couldn't remember a basic stance." She's got her legs drawn up against her chest, her arms wrapped around her shins and she turns to me, those piercing green eyes blank and wide. "I couldn't do it."

I am going to kill that mother fucker Hyde but before I kill him, I'm going to flay Steven Morton and Carla Adams. THEY are the reason she's like this and they will answer for it.

"Shhh, I'm here now. You need to rest, Ana and you need to talk to someone about this." I've thrown my shirt and shoes in a pile on the floor and am pouring water over her hair, dragging my fingers down her back to relax her. "I'd like for you to go see Dr. Flynn, will you do that for me?"

"No. I want to see a woman." My hands pause, a sick feeling settling in the pit of my stomach.

"Why?" She closes her eyes and sighs before resting her chin on her knees as I begin to shampoo her hair.

"Because a man can't possibly know what it's like to have someone stick their hands up your skirt, rip your panties off and try to shove their fingers in you." Silent tears roll down her cheeks and I watch as one slides down her knee, down her thigh and into the water. How many tears has she cried alone?

"Did he touch you like that, Ana?" I'm going to be sick.

"Almost." She whispers. "His hand did but Sawyer came just as he was going to use his…fingers." she rushes it out and covers her face. "I don't want to talk anymore. Not about anything."

I couldn't speak if I wanted to. More than anger, more than hatred, more than justice, I'm hurt, deeply hurt that this woman, this strong, independent, loving, funny, caring, kind woman is sitting in a bathtub crying about being victimized yet again. My words from earlier hit me like a ton of bricks and lodge themselves in my throat, strangling me.

_**'You can't ask me to abstain from touching you, I can't'**_  
_**'One day, Ana. Any longer than that and I'll go crazy'**_  
_**'I'm going crazy now and it's been 13 hours. I mean it, today, that's it'**_

_You fucking piece of shit asshole!_

"Ana, I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so so sorry that he did that. I will make this right, somehow I will make sure he pays, I promise you. Look at me sweetheart, look at me." She turns slowly to me, the black of her mascara is all over her face, running in rivulets with her tears. "I _will_ find him. He will never hurt you again. Nobody will. _Ever_."

I lather my hands with her body wash and gently, so gently I'm barely touching her, I wash her with my bare hands. I fight with every fiber of my being to not get turned on when I circle her breasts and glide down her shoulders and back but it's no use. When I reach down into the water she stops me and reaches for the body wash, squirting a bit on her hands and rising up a bit on her knees.

"I'll do it, I'm too sore." Fuck, as shitty as I feel about that, I can't stop the massive erection I get watching her rub herself under the water so I just press myself against the side of the tub and drain the water after I put conditioner in her hair. My teeth hurt from clenching my jaw so hard but she seems none the wiser.

"Here, stand up, I'll rinse you. She does as I say and I use the handheld to wash the suds off of her. Once she's out I pat her dry and lotion her from head to toe as she stands there and watches me. She looks sad.

"You've got two freckles on your shoulders, right here. Did you know that?" she smiles shyly and shakes her head. "And another right here on the side of your ankle." Walking over to her dresser I give her a look, I have no idea what she wants to wear but she can't stay naked that's for sure. I'm dying right now.

"Middle drawer, t-shirt. Top drawer, panties." She steps into the grey cotton underwear I picked out, I'm assuming it will be more comfortable than a thong and then puts the grey t-shirt over her head. It falls to her knees, a length I'm currenty grateful for.

"Come, let's eat and then you can go to bed."

"I'm not hungry, Christian."

"Ana," I stand in front of her and wrap my arms around her waist, drawing her close to me. "You need to eat. You barely touched your lunch, you taught a Pilates class and sparred for forty minutes. You're exhausted and emotional but you still need to eat before you go to bed. Come, I'll feed you."

That gets a giggle out of her, the sound of it immediately relaxing me. I want to tell her I love her, promise to always love her but I can't. I just…_can't_.

Prescott has put cheeseburgers and fries on plates on the table along with ice waters. Ana looks at me quizzically and I shrug, "I wasn't specific. Do you want me to have her get something else?"

"No, this is fine, it's just so unlike you."

"Why would you say that?" What the hell does that mean?

"You don't strike me as a burger and fries kinda guy."

"I love a good burger!" She has a way of making me feel like a man and a little kid all at once. I swirl a fry in ketchup and go to feed it to her but she shakes her head and walks to the fridge to get out mustard.

"Mustard? On fries? For someone who can cook so well, you have the strangest palate."

"You should see how I eat pizza, I swear people never want to order it with me again." I've got to know.

"What do you do to it?" she smiles and chews her burger before answering me.

"If I eat it with the cheese I put mustard on it first. Usually though, I eat the first bite with cheese and then scrape the cheese off."

"You, Anastasia Steele, are a strange bird." She laughs, really laughs, throws her head back and laughs and I feel like I could fly right now. _I did that_, I made her laugh and even though we're facing a mountain of bullshit right now, I feel like we can overcome anything so long as I can make her laugh and she can just…be.

After dinner we brush our teeth. Her bathroom is much smaller than mine but I want the intimacy of doing our routine together so we take turns spitting, grinning at each other like idiots. Once she's tucked under the covers I lay with her but instead of getting behind her like I always do, I face her. Immediately she rests her head on my outstretched arm and holds my other hand in hers.

"Thank you for taking care of me again." I kiss her forehead gently three times and tilt her chin up to look at me.

"Ana, I love taking care of you, now sleep sweet girl." I press my lips to her hair line and stay there until I feel the even rhythm of her breathing. She falls asleep faster than anyone I know. It's not even 10 yet but I couldn't sleep no matter what the time was.

He touched her. There. Violated her, embarrassed her, hurt her. My emotions vacillate between fury and sadness. I reach for my phone and text Taylor who I know is waiting in the apartments hallway.

**-Tell RS friend, anything goes. I'm in for the night, we'll leave for GEH at 8:45-**

**Yes, sir.**

She's so small and delicate from the messy wet bun on the top of her head to her tiny little feet tucked under the blue flowered comforter. The only thing big on Anastasia are her breasts and her long eyelashes. Everything else is tiny, smooth and feminine.

"I love you, Ana." I whisper, saying the words out loud for the first time. They sound strange coming out of my mouth. I remember saying that to my birth mother but she never responded. I've never said it since. Until now. "I love you. I will protect you and take care of you and love you as long as you let me."

I'm only in my boxers leaving my chest exposed. _Can I do this?_ Slowly I untangle my hand from hers and flex her fingers, taking one and running it down my left pectoral muscle. It burns but leaves no mark. I do it again, willing the distress I feel to go away. Over and over I run her index finger down my chest until the burn is no more than a tingle and then with a deep breath I flatten her hand across my sternum, holding it there until I only feel the heat of her hand and not the torment of a burn. She is the first person in 25 years to touch me here and she'll be the last. This spot, right over my heart is hers and hers alone.

For an hour I hold her hand there, unmoving, hardly able to take my eyes off of the sight of it against my chest. When she moves as if to roll over I pull her close, holding her head against the skin of my chest as I wrap both arms around her and grip her tightly to me. Her answering sigh of contentment is the last sound I hear before falling asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

**APOV**

"Hey baby, wake up. Ana, it's time to get up." _No._ I'm not getting out of this bed. Much as I like the enormous oversized California King with its 1500 thread count sheet sets and pillows that cradle your head perfectly, there is nothing like your own bed. "I made breakfast." Now that'll get me up.

"What? You cooked?" I sit up and look around the bright bedroom and crack up. Christian Grey is in my bedroom in nothing but his boxers holding a baking sheet that he thinks is a tray. On it are two bagels smeared with cream cheese and orange juice.

"What's so funny?"

"You! You make me so happy, Christian." His smile drops and a goofy grin takes its place. He just looks at me and grins while I get the pleasure of watching the blush creep up _his_ face for once.

"I do?" Everything in me wants to run to him and kiss him and tell him that I love him but he looks so damn cute and young right now, I don't dare waste the moment.

"Yes. Just you here makes me happy." Speaking of happy, I see the rise in his boxers as he stands there and after 36 hours, I don't care how sore I am. I want that man inside of me and I want it now. But first I'm going to brush my teeth and pee.

He growls a bit when I climb out of the bed, it's no accident that I crawl on all fours with my ass in the air. Even in grey cotton underwear he makes me feel pretty. Once I'm finished I climb back in and sit between his spread legs, my back to his front. He's eating his bagel and drinking his coffee black.

"No half and half?" Christian glances up from the email he was reading on his phone and shakes his head.

"There was some but it was about a week too old. We'll stop at Starbucks on the way in." I settle back against him and read the news on my phone, I've set it to CNN just like Missy suggested. Once I've finished my bagel I wriggle my ass against him, just enough to feel the semi flaccid penis behind me but still make the movement seem innocent enough.

"Ana, don't do that." I do it again and his hands drop from my waist to the bed next to him as his head hits the headboard. "Anastasia, don't do that. You're sore, remember?"

"Just a little bit, plus, I told you I just wanted the day, it's been longer than that." He's silent and still so I turn and slither up his neck, leaving dry kisses in my wake until our lips are touching. I can feel how much he wants this and yet his hands are still limp by his side and his eyes are still closed.

"Ana, I don't want to hurt you." There's an edge to his voice that causes me to pause and drop my hands from his hair. I sit up since I can't lean on his chest and look at him quizzically.

"What's wrong, Christian?" He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose, looking at me only after he's run his hands over his hair a dozen times.

"The things I said to you at lunch, about how I wouldn't go longer than a day, that I'd only give you a day. I'm so fucking ashamed. I'm so sorry that I put that pressure on you." He grabs my face in his hands and moves closer so that he can look directly in my eyes. "You know that I would never make you do something you didn't want to do or weren't ready to do. You know that right?"

"Christian, yes! I wasn't upset by what you said, I_ liked _feeling desired like that. I was more concerned that you'd feel rejected and that wasn't at all my intention, I really was just sore and now...not so much." He kisses me lightly and pulls back looking intently at me again while his thumbs make tiny circles on my temples.

"Ana, I would wait a lifetime to be with you. However long it takes I'll wait. Anything you need, Ana, anything."

"I only need you."

I straddle him and lift my t-shirt over my head, tossing it onto the floor but his eyes don't leave mine.

"Touch me, Christian. Please." Slowly his hands rise to my hips and he whimpers when I lean down to kiss his neck, whispering in his ear, "I want you, Christian." He sits back and takes my hands in his and brings them to his mouth, kissing each of my fingers, watching me with every peck, every little lick and nip. When he's finished he places the tips of my fingers on each of his shoulders and drags them down his chest, over his pectoral muscles down to the bottom of his defined abs.

When the journey is completed he breaths out and rests his hands on my thighs. My eyes are as wide as can be, my fingers still tingling from touching him. "Only you." He breathes before we kiss, passion consuming my body and his as we press against each other trying to melt into one being. His tastes like coffee and cream cheese and I revel in the way his teeth feel against my tongue. _Mine_. He is mine.

His hands pull me tightly against him as he rises to his knees, lying me flat on my back so that he can take off the panties that are now saturated with my desire for him. Once I'm naked he picks me back up and sits on the edge of the bed with my legs on either side of him.

"Lean back, baby. Put your hands and your head on the floor." I have no idea what kind of acrobat he thinks I am but I do it, grateful for the years of Pilates I've had. I am utterly exposed to him like this, totally at his mercy with no place to hide.

"Just relax, Ana. You have a beautiful body, so soft and silky." His thumbs run up my slit causing me to open for him wider, something I didn't think was possible. I can't see his face but I know he's looking at my sex, wet and open, on erotic display just inches from his face. "Does this hurt, baby?" His thumb runs the length of me again, from bottom to very top and I groan out a low no.

"This?" His middle finger slides in deep and presses against me but doesn't move.

"No. It feels good." He pulls out, and I feel his hands move to my hips, sliding around to my butt before lifting me to his mouth. He grins against the inside of my thigh before his tongue licks the soft flesh, lightly biting as he makes his way up.

"Keep your balance, baby, this is going to be quick and intense." He wastes no time with formalities, latching his lips around my clit and gently biting it while he flicks his tongue up and down as fast as he can. The light bite of his teeth brings an exquisite sensation and less than one minute later I'm convulsing against him, the muscles in my stomach burning by the intense spasms that force my body to bend and thrash. The blood rush to my head has a dizzying effect that heightens the acute pleasure and sends a second rush when Christian lifts me and sits me on his lap, my head uselessly pressed into his shoulder.

A short moment later I reach between us but he stops me just as my hand makes contact with him.

"Ana, no."

"What? Why?" My vision is hazy and I'm not all the way back on earth yet but I know the man is turned on, I can feel the heat and pulse of him against my belly.

"Because I just wanted to bring you pleasure, I don't expect anything."

"I know that, I want to bring you pleasure too." I bat my eyelashes and bite my lip which makes the pulse against me jump but he doesn't let go of my hands even when I lick my lips. He shakes his head and I lean in for the kill, whispering in his ear so that my lips touch him lightly. "Please, I want you to come in my mouth, I want to taste you all day."

"Fuck, Ana, you can't talk like that." He's not holding me any more so I shimmy down between his legs and kiss his belly button, licking it like he's done to me. "Damn." He lifts up and lets me take his boxers off. The veins on his cock are throbbing, he's harder than I've ever seen him and I marvel at the feel of him in my hands. Steel wrapped in silk.

When he gathers my hair on the top of my head and leans back I lick up and around and suck him in my mouth as he hisses and thrusts upwards on instinct.

"Shit baby this is gonna be quick. Don't stop, right there, just like that." He's breathing harsh and quick, each exhale bringing those defined muscles in his abs to the surface. He is, without question the hottest man I have ever seen and I've made him like this, hot and hard in my mouth. I wrap my hand around the base of his shaft and slide it up with my mouth and he yells, actually yells as he shoots off into my mouth, watching me swallow it all and lick him clean before he lets go of my hair and falls back onto the bed.

"Come here, Ana." I rise and lay on top of him, skin to skin. He's still breathing heavy as he wraps his arms around me tightly before pulling my head up and kissing me. "You" _kiss_ "Are" _kiss_ "Incredible". He must sense my unease, being the center of attention like this is uncomfortable for me, because he rolls me underneath of him and kisses me lightly, squeezing my hip and standing.

"Come on, Taylor will be here in 15 minutes."

"I'll shower before we leave tonight, are you still up for going to dinner with Kate and Elliot first?"

"Yes, you're getting ready here with Kate still?" I nod, bracing myself for the argument I'm sure is coming but he surprises me. "Prescott will be here as will Kate's CPO Myers. Ryan will bring you here, you are not to leave until we get here. I'm not exactly thrilled with you being here without me or Taylor."

"I know, we'll be safe. Did Elliot get Kate a body guard? Or you? And why?" He's putting on his cuff links, platinum with three small sapphires across the top. "Those are nice." He looks at them like he's just now seeing them and shrugs.

"I think Mia got these for me for Christmas." He grins, "She's a sucker for sapphires." Tucking in his shirt he answers, "Anyone in my family has a CPO, I'd have to have gotten Kate a CPO at some point but when Hyde showed up here, I got her one that night. She hates it, I'm surprised she's not said anything." Well, that would be because I've barely spoken to her since all I do now is have sex with you.

"Are you going to be at GEH all day?" he heads into the bathroom to brush his teeth but shakes his head no before stepping inside. "I've got two lunch meetings."

"How?" He smiles and scrubs those perfect teeth, spitting and rinsing before he answers.

"Salad for lunch one, entrée for lunch two. I do it all the time."

"Do you book two lunches on Wednesdays?"

His kiss to the tip of my nose makes me feel cherished. "No, baby, I'd never double book you."

* * *

"Anastasia Steele."

"God, you are hard to get a hold of, you'd think you'd call your mother at some point over the last week. Do you know how long it took to get this number for you since you seem to never answer your cell phone?"

The calmness I had carried around with me since this morning is quickly replaced by tension and a headache that splits my head in two. Nothing with my mother is ever easy, not even a phone call to check in. She's called me once a day since Monday but I have nothing to say to her. If my daughter had been physically attacked, I'd have walked here if I didn't have money for a flight. I'm not sure what I expect though, this is the same woman who kept me in an environment where I was a grown mans whipping post.

"Hi mom, how are you?"

"I've been better, Ana. Bob's been sick, you know how men are when they don't feel well, I've got next to no cash in the bank and oh, my daughter is avoiding me. But enough about me, how are _you?"_ As if having my mother on the phone wasn't bad enough, Jacqueline chooses this moment to knock and enter through the open door.

"Can you hold for a moment please?" She guffaws and keeps talking but I've tuned her out.

"Ms. Steele Mr. Grey instructed me to take your lunch order." Of course he did, I know exactly what he's doing. At first I thought I was crazy and making more of her attitude than what was necessary but ever since she didn't put me right in his office on Monday, I've noticed both Andrea and Christian giving her specific jobs that cater to me directly. I almost feel bad for her. Almost.

"I'll have whatever you and Andrea are having as long as there's no cilantro." She smiles sweetly and turns to go. I can only hope that she doesn't have cyanide in her desk drawer.

"Sorry, mom, it's been really busy around here. Anyway, I'm fine, back to normal physically at least." She won't ask about how I'm doing emotionally, the thought won't even occur to her. Every day Ray calls me and every day he asks about my mindset, talks me through the small fears I've verbalized and pushes me to see a therapist.

"I would like to come visit but money's tight, especially with Bob not working." She wants to come and see me? I jump at the opportunity.

"I'll buy your ticket, you can stay at my apartment, we have a guest room. When would you want to come?" Images of my mom and I having lunch, going to a movie, grabbing coffee and shopping flit through my mind. Logically I know this isn't the relationship we have but I hope anyway.

"Well, I can probably get off in a week or so. Do you have a new email address? I'll send you some dates after I talk to my boss today." I give her my new private email address known only to family, very close friends and a select few GEH employees.

As soon as we hang up I call Ray to let him know that my mom is coming. He doesn't even try to hide the disdain in his voice. "Well, let me know when, I'm planning to come on up for a few days and I don't want to overlap for even a minute. While I've got you though, I want to talk about what happened at Krav last night."

"How do you know about it?" Christian.

"You have a boyfriend who really loves you and knows that your dad knows you better than anyone. Was it Eyal's tone that upset you or was it just the physical act of fighting?" He knows me so well, knows exactly what to ask so that I can answer with small words and not dwell on reliving it.

"Fighting."

"He's tough, Annie. He'll push you and push you and push you but you will be stronger and safer because of it. He's knows, just like I do, that you're a strong girl and physically capable of utilizing your training to defend yourself. It's your mind we need to work on, let him do it." I say nothing because I can't speak.

"Annie? You're going to be fine but you need to get your head in the right place. Call the therapist. Meet Eyel head on and face your mother once and for all."

"I've got to go, dad, thanks for calling."

"I love you baby, you are going to be just fine."

Between my mom's call and fact that Christian is running to my dad to tell him about my breakdown I'm pissed and he's the one I focus my anger on.

**Why the hell are you telling my dad about what happened?!**

It takes an uncharacteristically long 10 minutes before he responds.

**-He needs to know, Ana. You need help right now.-**

**You should have asked me!**

**-I'm not doing this via text. Call me or we'll talk tonight.-**

Asshole. I'm not calling him. Jacqueline walks in with my lunch and I thank her. She actually smiles and says 'you're welcome' before retreating. As I eat my salad I jump online, catching up on the news of day. _I should Google my name._

I type in my name and immediately delete it, retyping Christian's name and hitting image search. Hundreds of pictures pull up, most of them I've already seen when I looked him up a few weeks ago but there are more recent ones too. It thrills me, pleases me beyond words when every single recent picture of him has me either in it or just off to the side. He really is too hot for words. My phone pings with a text from him.

**-Hello?-**

**I'm ignoring you.**

"Hi Kate."

"Hey! I was just going to call you. Did you want Ricardo to do your hair and makeup as well? He's coming over at five but if you want him to do you as well, I'll have him come at four and start on me."

"I hadn't even thought about it."

"God you should have been born a man. I'll tell him to come at four, god knows if we leave it up to you, you'll wear a ponytail and lip gloss."

* * *

"Ana, are you seriously upset with me because I called your dad to tell him that you were having a hard time?"

"I'm not upset that you called him, I'm upset that you called him without _asking_ me. He worries enough, Christian and he's almost three hours away, there's not much he can do. Making him feel like shit that I can't pull my act together only makes him more upset."

"He's your father, he's upset already. Not knowing what's going on with you makes it worse. And stop acting like you're the one at fault here, it just happened, it's going to take time for you to deal with it. Give yourself a break."

"When did you call him?" The anger begins to ebb as logic takes over and I see how leaving Ray in the dark isn't helping things. Christians pause is a bit too long though so I ask again and he finally answers.

"Taylor spoke with him last night and I called him on my way to a meeting this morning."

"Taylor! Why the hell is _Taylor_ calling him?" I can just picture him in the back of the SUV right now, eyes closed, pinching his nose before tugging at his hair.

"He needed to speak to him about something else and your dad asked directly how the lesson went. Taylor told him you had a hard time, I filled him in on the details this morning."

"Oh that's great. Now you've got your goons telling everyone my business too. Awesome, Christian! I've got to go."

"Ana,"

"I have to go, I'll see you later." I wait until I see 'call ended' before bursting into tears at the humiliation of having my every move watched, reported and dissected. Being with a man like Christian Grey has it's perks for sure. But the price of losing my anonymity and privacy is a high one to pay.

* * *

**CPOV**

After speaking with Ray this morning I'm convinced more than ever that the best way to deal with Hyde is to find him and make him disappear again but I'm not willing to add 'felon' to my list of accomplishments. The 'friend' that Ray has enlisted to help us wants $40k in cash to start. In the short time he's been tracking Hyde down, he's found more shit on the guy than the entire team of detectives at the police department. We know he's definitely in Seattle still and we know he's unable to access cash.

I have and will have no direct contact with the man, I don't even know his name and I don't want to. If he's good enough, I'll send him down to Atlanta next to deal with Morton. Reynolds is on his way to meet Ray with the cash and then it's a waiting game. My instructions are clear, much as I want him dead, Hyde is to brought in alive. What Ray tells this guy is up to him.

His reaction to the way Ana fell apart during her martial arts lesson was anger and while it wasn't directed at me, I still felt his wrath. I promise him to get her to a therapist before the weekend but even that doesn't satisfy him. He wants blood.

"Taylor, we need to stop at Cartier." He nods and turns the SUV onto 6th Avenue, easily finding a parking spot out front. The doors open before my feet have touched the sidewalk. Over the years I've spent probably close to two million dollars here on my mom, sister and occasionally my subs. For every renewal of a three month contract, I would buy a piece of jewelry and present it to them upon signing. This however is my first commissioned piece.

As I stride in I open my daily affirmation from Ana, this time sent via email.

**'You are generous'**

_Oh baby, you have no idea how generous I'm going to be with you, starting right now._

"Mr. Grey, so good to see you again, please, can I get you a glass of champagne?"

"No, thank you. I'm on my way to a meeting."

"I understand, this way then please, I'm excited to show you the pieces we've created for you." He leads me into a private room in the back and lays a piece of black velvet across the table in front of me as a woman walks in with two separate boxes. When she hands them to the manager she pauses and stares at me before licking her lips and pushing out her breasts suggestively._ Keep it moving, I've got that times a thousand at home._

When the first case is opened I'm pleased immediately. The Lodyssée de Cartier bracelet in platinum is beautiful with its waterfall of diamonds look to it. The cuff will look perfect on her slender wrist and I nod my approval. The cuff is whisked away so that I can inspect the earrings next. They're perfect, three flawless round diamonds in a row leading to a flawless pear shaped diamond at the end. I can't wait to fuck her in nothing but these diamonds. I want to get her a necklace to complete the look but I know Ana and this will make her uncomfortable enough as it is.

"I'm pleased, thank you." And without so much as a goodbye I leave while security follows us to the car so that the $560k in diamonds are safe.

Ana is gone by the time I get back to GEH and it's just as well. I'm pissed at her texts and the way she handled the situation with Ray. I also need to deal with the pictures taken of her last night leaving the Pilates studio. They're of her and a man and even though it's obvious they're just kissing on the cheek, the media has gone ballistic with stories of her cheating and 'proof' of her being a gold digger. Ryan's told Taylor that he doesn't think Ana's seen the stories yet and I hope she hasn't, it can only make my night that much worse.

Taylor and Reynolds have gone on to the restaurant and then to the gallery for security sweeps so it's just Elliot and I in the limo going to pick up our girlfriends for dinner. A double date just like normal people do.

"How's Ana handling the press coverage? I've read some of it, it's not that bad."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Elliot? They've basically painted her out to be a gold digging slut with white trash roots. Pisses me off and try as I might, I can't do a damn thing about it. I've got fucking legal working 24/7 to shut this shit down and they've managed a few but not enough. I'm about to start buying media outlets just to shut these fuckers up."

Elliot adjusts his tie in the mirror and picks at his teeth to give me a minute to calm down.

"Dad talked to you?"

"Yes. Pissed me off even more."

"It's unfortunate that the media is reporting her to be exactly what Elena said she was." He rushes on, I'm sure he can see the blood pounding with rage in my veins right now. "It's bullshit, I can't believe she'd say anything, especially something so clearly untrue. Ana's a sweetheart. If you don't kill the bitch, Kate's going to. I thought she was going to blow a gasket."

We're parked in the street in front of Ana's apartment and I look at him, trying to figure out how this whole brother thing works in real life.

"How did you come to hear about what Elena said? Is dad telling everyone?"

He goes to open his door and stops, checking himself out in the mirror one last time. _Prick._ My newest security team member, David Fitch, opens the door and speaks into his cuff to alert Ryan and Prescott that we're here.

"I went over to help him with a computer issue and Elena had just left so he and mom were talking about it in the kitchen. Kate overheard most of it to be honest, I'm just going off of what she heard. To say she was pissed is an understatement."

"What did you say to mom and dad?"

"I laughed, the whole thing is so ridiculous. They didn't seem to be concerned, actually, mom seemed kind of upset that Elena would even think that. She found it to be an affront to you, a snide way of calling you stupid."

"And dad?"

"You know dad, he just listened to mom and agreed with what she had to say, took his wine and went into his office. I was with him for about 45 minutes, he never brought it up again. I doubt he believes it, C. Come on, I want to see what Kate's wearing."

Ryan is stationed outside the apartment when we get off the elevator and opens the door. Prescott and Myers nod and walk out to the hall with Ryan and before I can ask where the girls are they both come out of Kate's room.

_Hoooolly shit._

I have no idea what Kate is wearing because all I can see is Ana. Her thick chestnut hair is pulled up and off of her shoulders in a low bun, while a few strands frame her flawless face. She's got makeup on, and not just her everyday mascara and gloss. Her eyes are smoky, her lips painted in the most tempting shade of red I've ever seen but it's her dress that has me speechless. I have always been a fan of the Herve Leger band dress but Ana takes it to the next level entirely.

It's red, siren red and hits just above her knees, wrapping her tempting curves and accentuating every single one until it meets at her breast line, pushing them up and together._ Sex._ She screams of sex and desire and passion and ecstasy.

Elliot and Kate are making out next to me but I've yet to move from the spot where I first saw her. Walking over to me in silver encrusted open toe stilettoes she reaches out and runs her fingers, the nails painted the same shade of red as her dress, over my tie and down to my belt.

"Hi. You look very handsome, Christian." Her smile is playful as one lone finger traces back up my tie and gently pushes my jaw back into place.

"Anastasia, you look stunning." My hand brushes against her face and she lowers her lids. "I'm speechless baby." And I really am. I literally cannot formulate a coherent sentence right now with her looking the way she does. After a beat I remember myself and lean down to kiss her lips but I don't dare touch her anywhere else, I'd never be able to stop.

"I have something for you." She raises her eyebrows and gives me a shy little grin.

"You do?"

Elliot says something about waiting in the car but neither of us look at him. Once I hear the door shut I pull out the smaller of the two Cartier boxes and open it, eagerly watching her face as it lights up, her eyes widening. "Oh my god! They're gorgeous, wow." She has earrings in already but her hands fly up to remove them, dropping them on the table next to us.

"Can I touch them?" I laugh.

"Of course you can, they're yours." She looks up with wide eyes, her hand stopping in midair.

"Mine?"

"Yes, yours. Put them on, I want to see you in them."

"Christian, I can't keep these, they're way too expensive!"

"Ana, they're yours. If I want to buy you things, I will buy you things, and I'll buy you whatever I want to. Now put them on." I keep the harshness out of my tone and keep it light and gentle instead. I'm not used to having a gift questioned, every woman I've ever bought anything for was quick to take it and hoard it.

"They look beautiful, I didn't think you could look any prettier but somehow you do. Here." She all but drops to the floor when I open the box holding the bracelet in it.

"Christian…I, I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll wear it." Her eyes are teary when she takes the diamond cuff from the box and clasps it around her wrist, asking me to secure it on for her. _My pleasure baby, I've got these in leather too by the way…_

"Thank you. It seems so inadequate but thank you so much. I love them." _And I love you._

I'm so pleased to see her in the jewelry that I gave to her that I float onto the elevator, her little hand tucked into mine. Once we're safely ensconced in the back seat of the limo I say hello to Kate while I keep ahold of Ana's hand, not wanting to break our physical connection at all.

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you today. I understand your reasoning for telling Ray, I just wish you would have talked to me first."

"I should have and I will next time. The last thing I want to do is upset you." She rests her head on my arm and just like that, our argument is over. _So that was communication._

The atmosphere shifts as soon as we walk into Canlis. Our table is ready, of course, and is in a private area but we still have to walk through the restaurant to get to it and I notice every single fucker in here checking out _my_ girlfriend. If this is how the night's going to go, I'm going to wind up killing someone.

Once we're in the privacy of our room, we toast to Jose's show and order dinner.

"You didn't order for us?" She's teasing me and I love it.

"Not tonight, I thought we'd treat this like a real date." _Plus I don't want to rush off to the show._

I've almost finished my entrée when Kate drops a bomb I wasn't at all expecting.

"Ana, did you get to see the pictures Jose chose for the gallery? There's like, 10 of me and you and a handful of Rich."

"What pictures?" Elliot asks before I can. He doesn't seem too happy about it either.

Ana takes a deep breath and smiles at him sweetly as she places her hand on mine. This isn't going to be good.

"A few months ago when the gallery approached him they said that he needed to have some portrait pictures as well as the landscape and still lifes. His friend Rich offered to help since he's a model anyway and he asked Kate and I if we would as well.

"So you modeled for him? What were you wearing?" Elliot's voice is sharp and I see Kate react to it with an eye roll. _He'd better get a handle on that._

"Jeans, t-shirts, nothing fancy." I don't want dessert, I don't want coffee, I don't want another glass of wine. I want to get to the gallery and see these pictures of _my_ girlfriend that some other schmuck took and rip him apart with my bare hands. A quick glance at Elliot tells me he feels the same way, the slight raise of his eyebrows and nod of his head spurring me to call for the check.

"Let's go." He says and stands once I hand my card to the waiter. Kate looks confused, I guess this side of Elliot is new to her but Ana sits and looks at me, challenging me. I don't dare move, after her little tantrum this afternoon, I'm not sure what kind of ground we're walking on right now.

"Speaking of pictures," she starts. Elliot sits back down slowly. "on Sunday I'm having pictures taken at the Pilates studio for their website. I don't know who the photographer is but I thought maybe you'd want to come and meet Jared, the owner and then stay for the shoot." What the** fuck** is this noise all about?

"Jared? The guy you were photographed kissing last night?" Now I'm pissed. No, pissed would be acceptable, I'm rageful and Elliot knows it.

"Katie, let's wait in the car." Kate glowers at me but I don't even glance her way, _fuck her_. She stands and moves to Ana, giving her a quick kiss to her cheek.

"That sounds great, Ana, I'm sure you're very proud. You're going to do awesome, I can't wait to see the website once they're up." _Get the fuck out of here, Katherine._ Elliot steers her towards the door and for the first time I see the defiance in Ana's eyes and it does something to me that I don't particularly care for. I don't want to love on her or touch her, I don't want to argue with her or talk to her. I want to strip her, take a cane to her ass and fuck her as hard as I can. The beast rears his head and I am disgusted.

"Why am I just now hearing about this?"

"He asked me again last night and as you'll recall I wasn't exactly coherent when I saw you." The beast lays down and whimpers. She can cut me right down to my knees in an instant. I shock us both when I take her hand and sigh.

"Point taken. Is there no one else who could do this though? I don't like the idea of you on the internet for every fucker to look at." She smiles, my heart skips and I try my hardest to hold onto my anger but I just can't, she just takes it right out of me.

"Christian, baby, there are plenty of pictures of me on the internet now, remember? I'm sure one of the other instructors could do it but I want to. Jared was the first person to offer me a teaching position even though I had just been certified and he's been a really good friend to me. He's married, with a two year old son and another on the way so calm down. And before you ask, no, we've never dated, he's never asked and he's never even flirted with me."

Right. And I'm penniless and a virgin.

"I'll be there for the entire thing, if he or the photographer does anything untoward, I'm going to flip a lid, Ana. I don't like the idea of you on the internet like that though, I wish you would have asked me first."

"Asked you? You've been my boyfriend for four days. Plus he asked weeks ago. I don't want to upset you, Christian, I really don't." She leans towards me and rests her hand on my thigh, kissing my cheek lightly, the effect exactly what I'm sure she was going for. "Let's go to the show, I want to go home as soon as we can." The huskiness of her voice promises pleasure, something my dick registers immediately.

"Baby, you do not want to play with me right now. It's been almost two days since I've been inside of you and the way you look right now, you're lucky I don't take you right on this table."

"Do it, Mr. Grey."

"Anastasia Steele! What have I created?"

* * *

Walking into the gallery with Ana and Kate is like walking into the Twilight Zone. For once, nobody notices me or Elliot but everyone, without exception, takes notice of the women walking next to us. A woman with a black bob haircut walks over to us and greets us, offering us a glass of wine and a booklet. When she hands the glass over to Ana she gasps and laughs, grabbing at Ana's arm and pulling her closer.

"You're the hit of the opening! Everyone is talking about your portraits! Five of them have already sold!" _Oh hell no._ Looking at Kate next she smiles wide and continues, "And three of yours have sold! You girls are quite the muses!"

Elliot steps forward at the same time I do, "Where are they? The pictures?" She blinks as if noticing us for the first time and then openly gapes at me. _It's a face, you have one, I have one, now get out of mine._

"Um, right this way."

"Kate! Ana!" A tall girl with flaming red hair comes barreling over to where we're standing and hugs the girls, pulling herself away to examine them at arm's length. "Wow, you look killer, both of you."

"Lisa, my boyfriend, Christian Grey. Christian, my friend Lisa Badlecki." I reach out to shake her hand, thrilled to be introduced as her boyfriend for the first time.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you, I'm so glad you could make it." She greets Elliot and Kate before turning back to me. "Have you seen the pictures yet? They're really quite remarkable."

"I haven't, please lead the way. I'm anxious to see my girlfriend on film."

The gallery is divided by type of photo beginning with landscapes before moving on to stills of everyday objects. I haven't noticed what was in one single frame, my attention is focused on the back wall where huge photos of some guy I've never seen before are set in a straight line.

"Jose! Amazing! You've done amazing! I'm so proud of you!" Kate is gushing, hugging Jose and bouncing up and down. He's grinning from ear to ear, clearly proud not only of his work but of the amount of people here to admire his it. When his eyes settle on Ana I see the affection flicker across his face and a jealous rage ignites in my gut. He reaches for her and I instinctively pull her away from him, stepping in front of her body so that it's me he touches instead.

"Mr. Grey, I'm so pleased you could make it." He looks confused and offers his hand. I shake it and lean in to growl into his ear.

"Where are the pictures of my girlfriend, Mr. Rodriguez?" He pulls back and smiles as he reaches behind him to pull a girl up next to him. She's young, perhaps 20 or so with straight blond hair and the look of love in her eyes. Jose looks at her with pride, she is a beautiful girl I'll give him that, and introduces us.

"Rachel, my friends Kate and Ana and their boyfriends, Elliot and Christian Grey. My girlfriend, Rachel Graham." She steps forward and shakes our hands and Ana uses the opportunity to sidestep me and hug Jose, quietly congratulating him on the show and on his new girlfriend.

To see him hug her, actually touch her in that dress makes me absolutely crazed but when I go to reach for her arm, she shrugs me off and begins to talk to both he and Rachel about how and when they met. When they begin to walk towards the back room where her and Kate's photos are she glances back at me, slitting her eyes and walking away from me.

I'm at a total loss, this has never happened to me, I have never been in this position before and I have no idea what to do.

"Go with them, Christian. I'm pissed too but I know better than to piss off Kate as well." I don't even look at Elliot but do as he says and walk behind her, watching her ass sashay seductively under that fitted red dress. Damn, I want those shoes up around my ears tonight.

"Oh my god." Slips out of my mouth, a low mutter heard only by my own ears when I see the pictures of Ana hanging on the stark white wall. There are ten in total, all in black and white, all of her in different facial poses, all of them beautiful. As my eyes take in the oversized photos of her smiling, frowning, laughing and pouting I feel her hand touch my arm.

"You're beautiful. Stunning." I can't take it in, the beauty of her captured in these pictures but it's the last one that truly takes my breath away. It was taken head on but her face is turned, staring into the distance at something unseen in the frame. Her shirt has slipped off of her shoulder to expose her collarbone and the tender skin of her neck. This picture is so intimate it pains me. He has captured an underlying sadness and vulnerability in this private moment that makes the viewer feel connected to her in a way rarely caught on film.

Ana rests her head on my arm and slips her hand into mine but I've seen enough to fly into a blind rage. I need to deal with this, now.

"Mr. Rodriguez, a word." Jose walks over to me with Rachel by his side. "How much for all of them?" He smiles and holds his hands up in surrender.

"Five have already been sold."

"Has that one?" I point to the one of her in visible solitude.

"Yes, that was the first photo the gentleman wanted." No. I will not let another man, or woman for that matter, have a picture of _my_ girlfriend hanging on their wall to ogle at and examine. Nobody is allowed to see her like that except for me.

Rachel must see my expression because she jumps in, extending her hand to Ana's elbow and steering her towards the bar so that I can speak to Jose alone. Once they're out of earshot I turn to him and bark.

"How much to buy them back?"

"Mr. Grey, they've already been sold, I can't just buy them back."

"Yes, you can. How much? I'll pay you their fee, plus whatever else you want but I want all ten and the negatives."

He's conflicted, I know he could use the money but he doesn't want to burn bridges with future customers. This is a language I know well.

"Did you sign a contract with the buyer?" he shakes his head no as he tries to work out what it is he wants to do. "Who is it then? I'll approach them myself."

"Mr. Grey, I don't know how comfortable I am with" rudely I interrupt him, I don't have time for this amateur bull shit.

"Jose, she's my girlfriend. I don't want her image hanging on some dick twitch's wall for him to look at whenever he wants to. Give me his name and I'll contract you to hang one of your photos on every single floor at GEH." That seals the deal for him as the sure status bump and the enormous visibility pushes him over the edge and he fingers a man sitting at the bar laughing with the bartender.

I scan the room quickly to find that Anastasia is surrounded by girlfriends of hers and not in his line of sight, something I need to take advantage of now. Once he sees her in the flesh, there's no way he's going to sell. I wouldn't.

I walk over to him and extend my hand to him, catching him off guard but good manners prevail and he shakes back. "Christian Grey." My name carries weight behind it and I see the familiar recognition when his hand withdrawals.

"Dan Temple. Have we met before?"

"I don't believe so. I wanted to speak to you about a business deal. Can I take a moment of your time?"

"A business deal? Sure."

"You purchased a few pictures tonight, I'd like to buy them from you." His surprise is evident but he's shrewd, immediately taking a defensive stance and crossing his arms.

"I paid $15k for them. Clearly I want them." I swallow the laugh, $15k? $15K? Is he serious?

"I'll give you $30k then. You make your initial money back plus another $15k." He laughs and asks the bartender for a shot for both of us.

"I haven't paid yet, you'll still have to purchase them from the photographer." _Who the fuck cares._

"Even better for you, you had a good night, you had a few drinks, you made 30 grand." I wave Jose over and he brings the black haired woman with him. Once we verbally consent and I sign the paperwork to purchase all ten photos, the negatives and the pictures taken that didn't make it to the wall, I buy Mr. Temple another round and walk away to find Anastasia.

"Where were you?" Elliot has been keeping Ana and Kate company, clearly unhappy with my disappearance. I see the yellow slip of his own purchase hanging out of his suit pocket and hold up mine as a show of solidarity.

"Purchasing. I'm ready to go, I'll bring Ana to Escala and send the limo back for you and Kate in an hour or so." The fucker just grins and waves me off, he knows exactly what I'm planning and me leaving now leaves the limo to just the two of them later. Win/Win.

"Baby, you ready to head home?" Ana swings around surprised. I lean in to whisper in her ear, letting my lips graze her neck when I speak, tickling that sweet spot just behind her ear. "I want to fuck you in the limo and I can't wait one more minute to do it. I'm desperate."

"Well, when you say it so romantically like that, how can a girl refuse?" She giggles, I get harder.

"Ana, there is nothing romantic about what I want to do to you right now."

"So would it be a good time to tell you that I'm not wearing panties then?" Fuck! We don't say goodbye to anyone, I just grab her around the waist and walk out the door to the waiting limo, telling Fitch to take the long way home. Baptism by fire if you want to work for me.

My pants are unzipped before he even shuts the door. Ana sits down on the leather seat and shrieks when I grab her ankles and pull her to the edge, pressing my face into her cleavage and licking up her neck to her ear.

"Spread your legs." She does immediately and my hand finds her pussy, uncovered just like she said it was. "I love how wet you are for me already. Are you still sore?" I watch her face carefully when I slide two fingers into her but she only throws her head back and moans.

"I want it now, Christian." Perfect 'cause so do I. I don't even take off my suit jacket, I just pull her closer to me, pull myself out of my pants and sink my cock into that tight tunnel of wet silk. "Oh god yes!"

"Fuck, Ana, you feel so good. This is going to be quick baby." Leaning back on my heels I pull her slightly off the edge of the seat and finger her clit in rhythm with my thrusts as I stroke into her again and again. One of her feet is propped up on the window, still in those silver encrusted heels while I hold the other in the air and fuck if that visual doesn't just start the tingle. "Come for me, Ana, come for me now."

"Don't stop, please don't stop. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I'm gonna come, Christian!" The second I feel her tighten around me I leap up and slam into her, watching those diamond earrings sparkle with each thrust. I come like a freight train without brakes and slide my hands to her ankles to hold the heel of her shoes, pushing them as wide as I can. Just as the last shudder runs through me we hit a bump and she clenches again prolonging my climax.

"Two days ,two days of not being inside your pussy and you've got me coming like a teenager again. Shit, what kind of magic do you weave?" She laughs and kisses me, reaching for the tissues at the mini bar. I can only take the seat next to her and lay my head back while I recover.

"When we get home, I want you to strip naked and get on the bed right away. The only things you are allowed to wear are the earrings and the bracelet." That $560k is going to be the best money I ever spent.


	23. Chapter 23

**APOV**

It's a rare treat to be awake when Christian is sleeping and I take full advantage of the gawking I can do in private. He's sprawled on his back with one arm draped over his face, the other under the sheets. I snap a picture on my phone and then pull down the sheet to see all of him without his watchful eyes assessing me. I'm not at all surprised to see his hand is holding onto his dick and suppress the urge to take a picture of that.

He's a marvel to appreciate. Even in rest his body is tight and toned, ready for anything that comes its way. Each breath expands his wide chest, each exhalation shows the defined cuts of his abdomen. I notice the little things now though, the way his knees have no hair on them and the small scar on his left hip. How is it that _this_ man wants _me?_ I want so badly to touch him but I don't dare wake him. I thought I had recovered enough but two more rounds after the car have left me acutely aware of what I was doing tonight.

My diamond bracelet twinkles in the moonlight when I lay back down and rest my head on his shoulder, laying my arm across his lower belly to admire the sparkle. The arm over his face comes down and pulls me close as he mumbles my name in his sleep. Reaching blindly for the blanket he grabs it and covers us both before falling back into whatever dream he was in.

* * *

"Do you want me to come with you to your Krav class later? I can clear a few things and meet you there."

"I'll be ok, Ray helped to verbally kick my ass yesterday about it and as much as I hate when he's right, he was. I need to just do this, face it and deal with it."

"If you change your mind, I'll be there, Ana."

I don't want to dwell on my impending lesson, I'd much rather face the paparazzi that has surely gathered outside of Steel Translations so the less I talk about it, the better. I slide off the stool to put my dish in the sink, forgetting to hide the wince and as usual, Christian misses nothing.

"Are you still sore? I thought you said you felt better?" I put the bowl in the sink and turn, giving him an 'are you serious' glare.

"You're huge. I'm small. It's been a week. It's getting better, I'll tell you, just like I did the other day, if I need to stop having sex." He grins with satisfaction.

"You _are_ really tight, we should probably fuck as often as we can so that you can get used to me." After a swig of orange juice he saunters over to me and lifts me onto the counter, nudging my knees apart to stand between them. "In fact, we should start that training now."

"As much as I'd like to, oh, that feels good…" My legs hold him tightly so that his hard on is pressed directly against me, rubbing up and down the seam of my skinny jeans while watches me. "Ah, stop, you've got to stop, I've got to get to work and so do you."

"Mm, just give me ten minutes." His feather light kisses to my neck and ears beg me to reconsider.

"I want to, I really do but I've got a call at nine and it's already 8:40, I've got to go now if I'm going to make it." He pulls away abruptly and walks to the doorway. His sudden departure leaves me on the counter with my legs spread like an idiot and I snap them shut with humiliation when he turns.

"I'll tell Ryan you're ready to leave. Wouldn't want you to be late for your call." _What in the fuck was that about?_

I hate to run after a man but he leaves me with no choice. I hunt him down in the bedroom where he's putting his shoes on and I notice he ties them just a bit harder than normal. At first I thought maybe I'd read his attitude wrong but when I walk in he doesn't even look up.

"What the hell was that about, Christian?"

"What?" He stands and shrugs into his suit jacket, grabs his sunglasses and wallet and texts Taylor about leaving.

"Are we going to play games? I'm really not interested in that type of juvenile relationship." That stops him but it angers him also. _Tread carefully, Ana._

"What the fuck does that mean? You want out, Anastasia?"

"No, I'm not looking to 'get out' as you put it. If something is bothering you and I ask what it is, tell me. If you say, 'what' or 'nothing' or any of those other cliché responses, then you're playing a game. Either you're mad or you're not." Now_ I'm_ pissed.

"I'm fine, Anastasia. You'd better go before you're late for your call." I resist the urge to scream in frustration and walk past him to the elevator. He stands silently next to me, an unreadable expression on his face. Mine's pretty clear, I'm furious.

"_Honesty,_ Christian. It comes in all forms, emotional honesty being one of them." He just raises his eyebrows quickly and extends his arm for me to go into the lift first. _Oh whatever!_ I still feel the pull but along with the desire to wrap my legs around him I also want to slap him. But I'm a lady so I just walk to the car and allow him to kiss me quickly.

"Have a good day. Are you still planning on going to dinner with your girlfriends tonight?" I have never been more grateful for a social life than I am right now. He's been a bit moody since we woke up earlier and pouting, it does_ not_ look good on him.

"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow." He pauses a beat and closes his eyes before settling them back on mine in a blaze of anger.

"You're really still insisting on staying at your place? Alone? Even though that fucker is still out there?"

"Yes, I am and I'm not going to be alone. There are _FOUR_ girls coming back not to mention an alarm system NASA can't crack into and three armed CPO's. I'm pretty sure we'll be ok." And with that I get in the car, shut the door before he can shut it for me and start texting anyone I can think of so that I'm not looking at him.

Three hours, two coffees, fourteen paparazzi and a vent session with Missy and I _still_ don't know what happened in the kitchen. Surely that couldn't have been because I said no to him. I get that he's a bit mercurial but that was such an extreme turn around it still stings. Missy comes back in, tosses a few Reeces on my desk and sits down across from me.

"You gonna call him or what? You're in LaLa Land over here. I mean, it's Friday at noon and we still haven't ordered our sushi. Being distracted is one thing, skipping out on our weekly sushi fest is a whole nother beast. Either call him or call Shiro's, I'm hungry."

"You call Shiro's. Ask them for sake too." Her eyes shoot up along with her hand.

"Damn, Anastasia Steele is pissed! Sake it is."

Thirty minutes later our food has arrived and been inspected by Ryan. Does he really think someone at Shiro's is going to poison me?

"Are you going to hire him or what?"

"I think so, he's definitely competent and I think he'd fit in well with us. The big question is if he eats sushi. That, is a deal breaker." I pop another piece of spicy tuna into my mouth while Missy toasts to finally finding someone who can fill in on some more of the Asian languages she and I lack.

"Hear hear! So where are we going tonight anyway?"

"Somewhere casual, Jose's show took a lot out of me, it took four cotton balls to get that polish off my nails. I even wore hairspray!" She laughs at my fake horror face and stands to clear the food away.

"I bet, you looked pretty smoking hot. What'd you think of his new girlfriend?"

"I liked her, it doesn't hurt that she's from Ireland either. I bet their kids would be beautiful. We should ask her to come tonight." And that reminds me, I never did talk to Christian about his jealous little outburst where he all but shoved me behind him so that Jose couldn't hug me.

"Is there any more sake?" Tipsy in the middle of the day. If I could I'd keep it my little secret but since he knows the number of calls I get a day, I'm sure Ryan will report not only how much I drank, but the times of each sip.

* * *

At two o'clock there's a brisk knock on my door and before I can answer, Christian opens it, shuts it, locks it and lifts me from my chair, sitting me on my desk and grabbing the back of my head, kissing me as if his life depended on it.

"What in the fuck are you doing?" My head is spinning from the kiss and from his sudden appearance but he says nothing and starts to unbutton my blouse. "Christian, what are you doing?" He kisses me again, silencing me and pulling the shirt open before moving to the button of my white skinny jeans.

"Christian!"

"I need you, Ana. I can't fight with you, I just can't." His kiss is only broken when he stands back and tugs my jeans off, tossing them behind him onto the bookshelf. "Please?" He pleads into my mouth and I say nothing because I can't. I'm still flabbergasted at what's going on but my hands have a mind of their own and weave into his hair to kiss him back. I hate myself right now but he smells so good and god, the way he kisses fans that slow burn I can't seem to get rid of since meeting him.

With one hand he pulls me forward by the small of my back while his other hand unzips his pants to free himself. For the first time since I've met him he seems frantic and disjointed but his touch still sets me on fire. Between his hands and his mouth I feel him everywhere.

"I need you." He says again before his hands spread me. His thumb hooks in my white lace thongs and pulls them to the side and begins to lick me with long rough strokes. When I cry out he bends his middle finger into my mouth to silence me and I suck it greedily, biting it when I can't take the pleasure. Just as I'm about to explode he stands and pulls me back to the edge of the desk and kisses me.

"Can I take you, Ana?" Take me?

"Christian, I don't understand what's going on. What do you mean, take me?" He chuckles and presses his cock against me. Oh!_ Take me._

"Oh." I just shimmy myself down onto him the best I can from this position and watch as his face turns from frenzied chaos to serene focus. It's remarkable really, the transformation I see come over him and with every thrust, every grab of my breast or squeeze of my hip he comes further and further away from whatever was chasing him.

"Ana." He says it like a prayer and lays me down as if my desk were an altar. My fingers curl around the edge above my head and grip tightly in an effort to keep from crying out. With practiced ease he pulls my bra down and grabs my breasts, his thumb and index fingers pinching each nipple and not letting go even as I'm driven further up the desk.

I'm going to come, I can feel it in my belly, in my legs, in my back and I arch and wrap my legs around his waist in a bid to get closer to him. Just as I begin to tip over the edge I look up and grab the back of his neck, leaning up as far as I can on my elbows.

"Come with me, Christian." He stifles a cry, his face red and tense, his eyes betraying whatever is going on in his mind and he comes silently, his liquid desire shooting into me and enhancing out my own climax.

Almost fully dressed and laying across my desk we hold each other, sweat and breath mingling as I try to make sense of what's going on with him. He was a lost man when he walked in here but now, when he pulls back and out, I see my Christian again. Carefully he pulls my bra back up and buttons my shirt as I lay there with him still inside me. He grabs a few tissues and holds them beneath us when he pulls out, cleaning me with a satisfied grin and ignoring my embarrassment.

"Thank you, baby." He says when he arranges my panties back into place and hands me my jeans. He zips himself back up and tosses the tissues in the garbage, grabs my now jeans clad ass and pulls me tightly against him. "I needed that so badly. I need _you_ so badly. I'm sorry about this morning."

I'm in a daze, not so much a sex induced one but a relationship induced one. Is this how he expects us to work through things? Because as great as that was, that'll only get us so far.

"I've got to get back to the office, call me before dinner." He kisses me goodbye and hugs me tightly again and then…he's gone.

_What the fuck just happened?_

"Hey." Missy walks in and takes one look at the desk and my hair and nods her head. "Yup, you just experienced a fuck and duck."

"A fuck and duck?"

"He comes in, fucks, and ducks right on out. Did you at least get off?" That is _exactly_ what just happened.

"Don't you have something to do right now?" She raises her arms and goes, shutting the door behind her. Did I just get used? I _feel_ used but knowing Christian, he won't see it that way. But I see it that way and right now, that's all I care about. I've never felt anything but cherished by him but in the last five hours he's managed to make me feel stupid, frustrating and now, used. Tears sting my eyes and fall down my cheeks until they pool in front of me on the desk, right where my ass had been just five minutes ago. It only adds to my embarrassment and my confusion.

* * *

"Now, Anastasia, are you ready for today?" I nod, afraid to speak.

"You will do your basic positions and you will tell me, word for word, what happened last Monday night. You will use names and you will take back your power." Eyal turns and points to the door. "You! Out." Ryan looks at me but I want him gone, I don't want anyone else here so I just nod again and watch him leave.

"Now. Begin." As Eyal barks out positions I do them, waiting for him to command me to speak. "On Monday. Begin."

"On Monday I was attacked." Fear, punch.

"His name!"

"On Monday I was attacked by Jack Hyde." Paralyzing fear. Eyal comes to me, touches my shoulder and stops me.

"Say his name again."

"Jack Hyde."

"Again, this time you yell."

"Jack Hyde!"

"Good, now what did he do?" I stand still even when he turns and gives me a position. He repeats himself and on autopilot I crouch and sweep.

"He grabbed my neck. He pushed me and pulled me to a dark part of the parking lot and then he tried to kiss me and strangle me at the same time."

"Strike!" I punch out and turn my hand sideways in a simulation of a neck cut. "Continue!"

"I froze." Which is exactly what I do right now. My arms hang limply at my sides and I stare at Eyal when he approaches me and puts his hands on my shoulders again.

"You did then. You will not anymore. Strike and tell me the rest." I shake my head, I can't.

"No." He accepts this and walks away turning.

"Next time you will tell me more. Now, you will tell me everything you just said while you fight me."

An hour later I am exhausted, sore and I'm sure bruised on my ass since that's where I spent half the lesson as he fine-tuned the moves I did know and focused on the finer art of self-defense. Ryan opens the car door and hands me my phone.

"Mr. Grey wants you to call him." Well isn't that nice. He continues to glance in the rearview mirror willing me to call Christian. Ten minutes later his phone rings and I hear him say 'yes, sir', 'I did sir', 'no sir' before he hands the phone back to me. I only take it so that Ryan doesn't get fired, my accompanying eye roll immensely satisfying even though there's no one else to see it.

"I don't feel like talking. I'll call you later." I know I sound like a bitch but right now, I just don't give a fuck.

"Ana, baby. Ryan said the lesson went better, are you ok?" He thinks that's why I don't want to talk. For once he's not in tune with me. The one time when he _is_ the problem and it just sails right over his head.

"I'm fine, I just don't want to talk. I'll call you later." He stutters his goodbye. I hand Ryan's phone back to him and look at my own. Nine missed calls in 10 minutes.

* * *

"Here, drink this." Missy hands me a glass of ice and vodka. It burns going down but it feels good; rebellious and dangerous. I've moved past hurt and straight to pissed. I may be a novice at relationships but I know what being used feels like and I don't like it.

"Alright, spill it. What's the deal?" I'm surprised it took Kate this long to ask. We're at some random bar, standing around the high-tops drinking beer and vodka. Lisa and Heather are off dancing with some random guys they just met leaving me, Kate, Missy and Rachel.

"Nothing, I'm just a bit overwhelmed by some office stuff." I shoot Missy a look that she thankfully gets right way.

"Yea, it was a bit of a tough day, interruptions and demanding clients. Annoying shit really. Hey, how's things with Elliot? What's he up to tonight?"

Kate launches into how wonderful her new boyfriend is, how he's _so_ protective and _so_ in tune to her needs. Between the two of them they've slept with half of Seattle but listening to her, you'd think nobody but them ever existed for each other. _I want that._ A little voice in my head whispers, 'you have that' but do I really? Does Kate get a fuck and duck from _her_ boyfriend in the middle of the work day after a fight?

I mean, he didn't even ask if I was doing something, if I was busy. Nothing. He just started undressing me, overwhelming me and then fucking me._ It was kinda hot._

"What?"

Kate turns her face towards me and repeats herself. "Elliot is with Christian at some bar. I was thinking of surprising him, maybe get him to do me in the bathroom. Did he say where they were going? "

Well, no, because I don't know anything about what Christian does in his time away from me. But he knows _everything_ about what I do.

"I forget." I'm too humiliated to tell Kate that I didn't even know they were hanging out.

Two hours and god only knows how many vodka tonics later Kate's phone pings and she looks at it, her eyes widening with horror.

"Oh my fucking god! What the fuck?" I reach for the phone just as she realizes she's speaking out loud and turn it to look at a picture of Christian and Elena Lincoln walking into an Italian restaurant. She's smiling towards the camera while he trails behind, Taylor on his heels.

"What is this?" My stomach drops as vulgar scenarios play out in my head. "When was this, Kate?"

"It's a Google alert. I have it set so that anytime any of the Grey's are mentioned in the media, I get an alert. What the fuck is he doing out with _her_?"

"When was this?" She opens the accompanying tag and reads aloud; "Christian Grey and longtime friend Elena Lincoln share an intimate lunch at Trattoria 121 in Seattle today. Ms Lincoln is the owner of The Esclava Salon Chain. The two dined in a private room and left after a leisurely lunch."

"When was the picture taken?" Missy is watching me very closely, her unblinking eyes never leaving mine.

"Ana," she says low so no one can hear her. "Don't go jumping to conclusions."

"Um, the time stamp says 12:43." Mother fucker. He had lunch with _her_ and then came to me right after desperately needing a fuck. He used me because he didn't fuck her. I'm going to be sick. "Ugh, that woman is a cunt. I don't care if women shouldn't call other women that, I abhor her. She is a vile, dried up cunt and I loathe her."

"Why?" I blink at her, does she know? She looks at me, her internal debate obvious and then opens her mouth to speak.

Just then Jose shows up looking every part the successful photographer. Rachel jumps into his arms and kisses him soundly and I watch as her hands run across his chest and onto his upper back, anchoring him to her. It's so easy, so thoughtless and _normal._

He speaks to her in Spanish, obviously forgetting that I can understand as he tells her how beautiful she is, how he couldn't stay away from her, how happy he was to see her. She answers him in her Irish lilt, her Spanish surprising the hell out of me enough to snap me back into the present. Beautiful _and_ smart, go Jose.

Shoulders thrown back I walk over and hug him in greeting since _my boyfriend_ isn't here to stop me and then walk to the bar to buy him a drink. There are random men everywhere and even I can see that most of them are checking our little group out. Heather is wasted, hanging on some guy with tattoos up and down his arms and Lisa is literally sucking face with his friend. She waves me over so I go to her, drinks in hand.

"This is Mike. He's got tattoos."

"I can see that. Are we dropping you off at Sawyers house on the way out of here?" Suddenly she's alert and far less drunk, Mike a forgotten memory.

"Shit, do you think I should? I mean, I'm way drunk."

"Yes, I can see that. I'm ready to go now though, do you want me to have Ryan drop you? He can call ahead and make sure it's alright with Luke but I'm sure he won't mind seeing you."

"Ana, he's got a huge dick. Like, humongous. And stab wound or not, he knows how to use it. I can't get enough, if I show up, he's going to think that I'm a slut." _You are_. But I don't say that of course, it's one of the things I admire about her actually. She just assumes men want her and most of the time, she's right.

"I'll have Ryan call him now. I'm leaving in ten minutes, come say hello to Jose with me."

In the car Heather goes on and on about Sawyer and his big dick and how she loves it so much so that when we finally get to his apartment I shove her out the door and wait until I see her wave out the window. When she got out I could see the pink of Ryan's face and maybe it's the vodka, maybe it's the confines of the car or maybe it's because I never had a brother but either way, I can't help myself.

"Prude. You'd think working for someone like Christian Grey would beat that shyness right out of ya. _Pun intended of course." _His laugh escapes before he can stop it and I realize sadly that even though I spend more time with Ryan than anyone else at this point, this is the first time I've seen him smile. Collecting himself he pulls back onto 4th Avenue before speaking.

"Mr. Grey would like you to come to Escala tonight since plans have changed and Ms. Plato and Ms. Badlecki aren't spending the night."

"You can tell Mr. Grey to go fuck himself. Take me home, my home, or I'll get out and walk."

Ryan says nothing but drives me to the apartment, walks me in, does a sweep and then sets the alarm. I go in my room, put on my pajamas, brush my teeth and crawl into bed, crying as soon as the lights turn off. Tuesdays meeting and then today's lunch with Elena, a quick random fuck on my desk and then out with Elliot. What else don't I know?

* * *

**CPOV**

At nine am precisely Tony Lain enters my office and hands me a stack of papers.

"Take a seat. Tell me why you don't just email these to me?" He sits and stutters out a quick apology. "What am I looking at here?"

"The top sheets are the transfers made into the fake account for Magdalena Corsica since its inception. You'll notice there are no withdrawals. The next page is the contact information for the bank manager and the assistant manager. I felt those were important to include since they'd have to sign off on any CTR reports and they never did. It shows collusion, at least, that's the way I see it and I'm pretty sure a court would too."

There are pages and pages of deposits, most of them smaller amounts. Under the excel listing is a page with names and numbers.

"And this?" He takes a deep breath and moves to the edge of his seat.

"Those are the names and social security numbers of three more young children who died around the same time as the real Magdalena Corsica. Again, no connection at all to Elena Lincoln, two are from New Jersey and one is from Virginia. I had Welch run a check on the older issue social security numbers listed on that particular banks database. All four accounts have the same mailing address." He leans back, quite pleased with himself and he should be, "All four use an address in Waitsburg. Welch is sending a guy out there as we speak to check it out. I hope you don't mind us taking the initiative but you said you wanted something today so we pushed ahead as quickly as we could with this."

"You had access to the banks database?" He shifts uncomfortably and looks down.

"From what I could access, those three accounts show the same type of activity, a few $100k deposits followed by $25k deposits and a large number of smaller cash deposits. The total of the four accounts is over $11 million dollars."

I'm impressed. With both Tony and Elena.

"Good work, Mr. Lain, now what about Esclava's books?"

"Nothing. They're clean, I'm finished with the audit. I found a few minor problems, none of them illegal and none of them related to the financials that Mrs. Lincoln would have access to."

"Damn it! Fuck! So this is the best we can do? Numbers on paper with no trace of who or what they're for? When will Welch know about the address?" He raises his hands and shrugs. Fuck! I was counting on some sort of ammunition for my meeting with Elena today and this just pisses me off further than I already was.

Ana's rejection of me this morning still smarts. I know I acted like an asshole about it but what am I supposed to say, 'I've got to meet with my former molester, my company may get taken down by one scumbag woman and being inside of you makes me forget about it all?'

"We need to find out where this cash comes from. How far back do the deposits go?"

"Eight years." Eight years, $100k deposits. Cash. Suddenly the dates make much more sense to me._ Holy shit,_ this is the money I paid to her to find me and train submissives.

"And there's no way to trace the cash?" He shakes his head, I breathe a sigh of relief. "I'll talk to Welch and let you know if you need to do anything else. For now you can resume your normal duties and return Mrs. Lincolns financials to her." I sit, dejected, my heart pounding as I look at further evidence of my depravity._ I paid my molester to find women for me to hit and fuck._

"Sir?" I look up and blink, I had forgotten he was sitting there. "If I may, there's still the matter of her missing personal finances. She's never sent them over and according to your contract with her, she must provide them and have them audited congruent with her business audits."

"I'll speak to her. For now just forget about Lincoln. Thank you, Mr. Lain." If she's taken the pains to cover her tracks with fake social security numbers and a bank across the state, I know we're not going to find anything in her tax returns.

When he leaves the weight of the numbers staring back at me crush me. I quickly run through them and as I knew already, they add up to $1.4 million dollars. Fourteen one hundred thousand dollar payments for fourteen submissives. I paid almost one and a half million dollars to beat and fuck women that I could barely be in the same room with unless they were naked. My disgust drops to a new low.

I go back, lining up each $25k deposit with a $100k one. All of them done within two weeks of each other. Why the connection? Why after I've paid Elena was someone else giving her $25k?

Picking up my phone to call Taylor, the picture of this morning's affirmation pops up. The red of the lipstick she wore last night contrasts harshly with the white walls of my shower but I find it beautiful nonetheless.

**You are honest.**

Am I? How honest am I when I still haven't told her how I really feel about her? I still haven't told her the shit going on here in the office or what my Dad told me. She still doesn't know about the pimp and the burns or the fucking connection between her and my subs.

Overwhelming hatred consumes me and I call Bastille instead, demanding that he meet me in the GEH gym asap for a spar. He consents and Andrea has the gym closed so that I can fight in private.

No matter how hard I hit or how many times I connect a punch I can't shake the anger or the fear or the aggression eating at me right now. I need Ana. After Bastille leaves I call her a half dozen times and then call Ryan who assures me that she's in the office working and seems to be very busy on the phone. Just knowing where she is helps to take the edge off.

Elena emails with instructions as to where I'm to meet her. Welch has tracked down the bank account she wants the $10 million wired into to Switzerland, no surprise there. Unless we have a person inside the actual bank, and we don't, that's a dead end for us. She actually has the audacity to sign her email with xoxoxo Elena.

* * *

"Hello darling, so good to see you again. I trust the money has been sent?" She air kisses me but I don't reciprocate, instead motioning for her to walk.

I hate this woman but I will get out of her every bit of information I can before I drop the hammer on her. I'm not happy to be using my ace against her so early on but without an investigation into the bank accounts we found, I've got little else to use. Welch is actively pursuing every lead he can and has a team of men in Walla Walla as we speak but I'm hesitant to even clue her in to the fact that we know she's got the accounts and Welch agrees, it gives her too much of an opportunity to do something about it. The host leads us to a private booth in the back and brings us the wine list. My hand quickly rises to refuse it.

"No thank you. What's the quickest dish you can get out here?" He looks a bit stunned and takes a minute to think.

"Spaghetti."

"I'll take that and water. Thank you."

"And for you ma'am?"

"She'll have the same." Elena laughs, actually laughs and waves me off.

"I'll have a glass of your best Argentinian Malbec, a house salad and whatever dish takes the longest to prepare."

My exaggerated intake of breath has her laughing again. Once she receives her wine she tips it back and smiles. "Well, it's been too long. How are things? How's your parents? Your siblings? Your little girlfriend?"

"I told you not to talk about her at all. She's off limits, you got it? In fact, add my family to that list, I don't even want their names coming out of your vile mouth." I'm seething, rage simmering so low beneath the surface I'm afraid my skin might burst into flames with it.

"Sweetheart, you can tell me whatever you want. What I choose to do with it is my choice." She sips again and then sneers. "Tell me, does she give good head? Remember that one sub you had, Jillian or something, the one that would gag every time? Pity, I had such a hard time finding her someone after you knowing that she couldn't give a decent blow job."

"Elena, give me the pictures now. I'm not here to play with you, I'm not here to walk down memory lane. I'm here to get what we agreed upon."

"And you will, after we've eaten and I receive confirmation from the bank. That was part of the deal as well." She takes a diminutive bite of her salad, no dressing, and leans back, crossing her arms. "I want to know, does she give good head? I'll sit here all day until you answer me, you seem to forget who's in control right now."

"The best. Careful there, don't choke on your tomato, I'd hate for you to die." She didn't like that, her eyes turn to slits as she leans forward and begins to recite to me each of my submissives names.

"Lillian, Tracey, Rosanna, Michelle, Courtney, Lucy, Sandra, Kristen, Susannah, Jillian, Julie, Sarah, Leila, Kate. And let's not forget me. What do these names mean to you, Christian?"

"What's the point of all of this Elena? What are you after?"

"You." She hisses, her red finger nail pointing at my chest. "You went and found someone without me, left me out of the loop after all the shit I've done for you, all the messes I've cleaned up for you, all the time I invested in you. I fucking saved you and how do you repay me? By one day deciding that I wasn't good enough for your services anymore, not even good enough for lunch and then you want to fucking _audit_ me! Well guess what? Nobody leaves me." I sit back and smirk. I get it now.

"I see, so you thought that you'd always have me in your pocket? Always have THE Christian Grey as your ticket to the upper echelon of society. You never had me, Elena. Not even when I was a child, you were nothing more than a hole that felt good to stick my dick into. Trust me, I've found better places."

"You're a real asshole you know that?" She shuts her mouth as our food arrives but I don't touch mine. I couldn't eat if my life depended on it.

"I do. Where are the pictures, you're eating, we're done here."

"No. We're not. I'm not done. You've left a trail of women in your wake who fell in love and I'm the one who's got to hear them bleat on and on about it. I want recompense for it. One million for each submissive. Wired into the same account."

"Are you fucking nuts? You've got to be fucking kidding me!" She jeers at me then tips her wine glass in my direction as a mock salute.

"They have a club you know, they all get together to talk about how they can't get over you and no other Dom has ever lived up to you. It's nauseating but even I concede that you were the best. You have until Monday." _What? How do they even know each other?_

"Or what?" She reaches into her bag and hands me a large brown envelope. I snatch it and open it, the pit in my stomach growing deeper as a picture of me, naked and holding a whip stare back at me. The girl in the picture could be any one of the many subs I practiced on in Boston, her face is obscured by the mask and gag but the tension in her body is evident. She's afraid. _Of me._

"Keep looking, you know you want to. Does Anastasia let you whip her? Tie her up? Fuck her ass? I'd hate for you to find yourself back at the clubs looking for someone to fulfill all of those needs when I've got women lined up to come to you." Her voice softens, "Come back to me, Christian. We can put all of this," she waves her hand between us, "behind us, pretend it never happened. Let me find someone better suited for you. You _know_ she can't measure up."

The photos are lurid and my face is clear in almost all of them, an angry scowl that reeks of hatred and rage. There are pictures of me fucking two girls at once, a picture of me getting a blow job by a woman hanging from the ceiling. Pictures of women tied up, gagged, on their knees. All with their hair braided and brown. My throat stings with bile but I sip my water and look her dead in the eyes.

"This is all of them? The negatives? Every copy?"

"Yes. I'm nothing if not honest." _Right._ I don't believe her for a minute.

"Good." I lean forward, crushing the pictures between me and the table. "Because I will destroy you, Elena. I will rip your heart out through the back of your head if any picture or video of me leaks anywhere. I will burn your house, your salons, your cars to the ground and piss on the ashes."

"Such vileness from such an educated man. How sad." I toss a leather bound package on the table and it lands with a satisfying thud. "What's this?" she snaps.

"My ten, no, make that 24 million dollars. Did you think you were the only one with pictures you stupid cunt." She is stock still. "Take a look. You're going to want to see these."

She flips the leather open, her eyes widening with horror before she slams the portfolio back down.

"Where did you get these? How did you get these?"

"At one of your tedious as fuck dinner parties two months ago. You're the only idiot I know who doesn't change the passcodes on a safe regularly. I've got Welch tracking down the boy as we speak, it's clear that he's under age, isn't it? You're a sick twisted bitch."

"But…these are still in my safe, I just saw them two days ago!" I say nothing, just take out my phone and snap a picture of her sitting there across from me in disbelief.

"Technology and all that shit." I stand and lean forward so that she can hear my low growl. "When we track that kid down, and we will, I will bury you." She stutters for a few seconds before gasping out a rebuttal.

"You have more to lose, Christian, you'd be a fool to go against me and you know it. Forget the money, we'll call this a wash."

"Desperation looks bad on you, Elena. I'm not dropping anything. You think I'm going to knowingly allow you to continue to molest children? I. AM. DONE. If you so much as breathe near me or Ana, I will fucking kill you."

* * *

"Take me to Ana." Is all I can manage when I get in the car. I know that with the media still camped outside her office, fucking losers, that me showing up in the middle of the day will be all over the internet but I don't care. I have to see her.

"Mr. Grey! Are you here to see Anastasia Steele?" No, asshole, I'm here for shits and giggles.

"Mr. Grey! What steps have you taken to ensure the safety of your money?" My heated stare in Taylors direction doesn't go unnoticed and I see him drop back to 'talk to' the offending journalist.

Prescott hits the elevator button as soon as I walk in the lobby and Ryan has the door opened before I can even get to her office. I give a quick nod to Missy who stands with surprise and then walk into Ana's office and lock the door. Just seeing her makes me feel better, as if her mere existence helps to balance out the Elena Lincolns in the world.

Her surprise has her asking questions but I hear none of them. Inside I'm tormented by the pictures now locked in my briefcase, tormented by the pictures of another young boy who's mind will wreak havoc on him for years, tormented by the fear of my parents finding out, the media finding out, of Ana seeing what I've done.

"I need you, Ana. I can't fight with you, I just can't." _I need you, I need your acceptance of me just as I am._ I need to taste all that is good and right and it's only when my tongue feels the soft flesh of her labia that I finally calm down inside. All of her, I need all of her. Just as her body gears for release I pull back and up, positioning myself so that I can feel the comforting warmth of her body surrounding mine.

"Take me?" Her innocence and trust in me fulfills my every need. When the light bulb goes off in her head she moves her body down and takes me inside of her. _Yes!_ This is exactly what I needed. With each thrust the tension of the day falls from my shoulders.

Afterwards, as I lay on top of her in the post coital glow I've recently started experiencing I grin when I think of her commanding me to come. The irony that today of all days Ana would take control isn't lost on me. Once I leave, calmer, centered, and back in control I think about her command over and over.

It doesn't feel the same as when Elena ordered it of me years ago and in some small way I actually liked her taking ownership of my body like that. But I've had control over my sexual interactions for far too long for a comment like that to not unnerve me. I dial Flynn myself and have Taylor drop me off for a quick 30 minute session.

"Why does Anastasia, a woman you have admitted to loving, who you are in a safe, stable, loving relationship with, commanding you to orgasm have any negative feelings associated with it?"

"Isn't it your job to tell me?"

"No, it's my job to help you figure out what the issue really is. Tell me, did it feel good?"

"Fuck yea, it always does. It's like, I can't describe it, it's always better with her. And I think that's what's fucking with my head the most. She commanded me to do something that only Elena ever has. And I not only obeyed, I liked it."

"Christian, there is always going to be things associated with your past relationships that will be repeated in your sexual life with Ana. That does not mean that those things are bad or even need to be analyzed. They're just part of a normal healthy relationship and you need to learn how to accept them as that."

"I guess on some level, anything I've done previously seems so dark and tainted that I want to keep Ana from it entirely."

"And her commanding you to orgasm seems dark and tainted?" Well, now that I think about it, no. It was hot hearing those words come out of her mouth.

"It did, it doesn't now." My head lifts and I sit up straighter. "I liked being owned by her, giving her power over me. I trust her." Flynn nods sagely and stands to open the door.

"It's only been six minutes!"

"Yes, congratulations! That was the quickest breakthrough you've ever had. Now get out before you start rethinking it."

* * *

"Welch, where are we at with the pictures and with the address? What about the Swiss account?"

"Sir, the bank account is a problem, it's in a foreign country so none of my usual databases or contacts have any available information. Without knowing the balance, the opening date, the way in which it's been funded, we can't report it to the IRS."

"And the photos?"

Welch sighs into the phone before he begins. The main photo itself is graphic but it's the very obvious age of the male, on his knees with a collar that we all find so disturbing. When I had gone into Elena's safe it was to find any pictures of me that she may have had. I found none of those but I found plenty of her with other men and some women. This picture though, was the only one in which the age of the participant was evident. In the others of him, his back is to the camera but I took copies of them nonetheless.

At the time I felt sick but I could relate the boy in the photo, that had been me at one time. But as the days went by I began to find myself becoming more and more uncomfortable with it and that reason alone is what spurred me on to sever our business relationship. I had handed Welch the photos within hours of retrieving them and outside of everything else he'd been doing, he had also been trying to track down the boy.

Surveillance on Elena's house hadn't provided anything incriminating, the only male that had come to visit was Issac, her current submissive but he's well over 18 and a consenting adult. At first, the motivation was to have a further insurance policy against her but as the days went by and the sick feeling didn't lessen, the focus on finding this child was to save him from what I now know is a twisted pedophile.

"Well, that's a bit tougher. The kid isn't on any facial recognition software, he's got no tattoos or piercings for us to begin with, and he's not been to the house as far as we can tell. If she's still meeting with him, it's a different location."

"I want you to call Raymond Steele, he has a friend who I'd like you to get in touch with. Totally private, no names, no connections, absolute secrecy. He can't even tell Ray what his added assignment is. Use whatever funds necessary, cash, and prioritize this with the Hyde issue. If we don't have a name by this time next week, we go to the police as is." I interrupt him before he can argue with me again about it. "I don't care if they can only get her on one count of possession of child pornography. Anything is better than nothing at this point."

"Andrea!" the click of her heels becomes louder but it's Jacqueline that appears in the doorway.

"Andrea is meeting with Ros's assistant to plan your Miami itinerary. Can I assist you with something?"

"I want Bastille here in an hour." She stands there, staring at me. "What?" She's almost as bad as Olivia.

"Um, I'm sorry, didn't you already meet with him today?"

"Your point?" She blinks and nods.

"I'll call him now. You have a meeting with Sheldon Morgan in ten minutes and you have colored lip gloss on your collar." I smile and breathe in the calm that Ana brings to me even when she's not here.

"It's Ms. Steele's. I'll change before he gets here, tell Ms. Jones that she'll need to send in a few more shirts tomorrow." _OK, now get out._

Elliot meets me in the GEH gym after work and spars with Taylor as I take on Bastille. I end things a bit early so that I can check in on Ana, her lesson should be over now and the texts I've received thoroughout from Ryan assure me that she did much better this time around.

"What the fuck do you mean she doesn't want to talk? Did you tell her it's me? Is her phone on? Did you check to make sure it's charged? Is she crying? Put her on the damn phone now!" What the fuck is this shit? She'll _'call me later'?_ What the fuck? Her brush off of me is a continuation of her mood from this morning but I thought we had moved past that? Maybe she's just upset again by her Krav lesson?

"Ryan, are her girlfriends at the house now? I don't want her alone."

"Yes, sir. Myers brought Ms. Kavanagh there an hour ago. The hairdresser is there now."

"He's been vetted? A background check has been completed?"

"Yes. All clean."

Elliot watches me expectantly, try as I might, the stress of the last few weeks is beginning to get to me and I know it's showing on my face.

"Run?" he says and I nod, stretching with Taylor for a few minutes. Nine miles later my mind is cleared, I've determined that the problem with Anastasia is her Krav lesson, and I've beaten Elliot by two laps. I'm happy.

* * *

"Kate and I are going to Bermuda with her family in a few weeks. Her _entire_ family."

"So you've met her parents? I hear Old Man Kavanagh's a real peach."

Elliot scoffs into his beer and rolls his eyes.

"Yea, he's a fucking piece of work alright. Kate pretty much hates him though she hasn't said that much but it's obvious as fuck to me. Her moms gorgeous and really sweet and the guy does nothing but travel, with his mistresses, and there are many. I don't get it, you're fucking married asshole."

It's something I see regularly in my world. Men, powerful, wealthy, in control of huge worldwide conglomerates and they can't control where they put their dicks.

"I see it all the time, Elliot. You'd be surprised at how pathetic some men are when it comes to restraint."

"No, I wouldn't be, I see it too in my circle. I guess we just got lucky with dad. I mean, could you _ever_ do that to Ana? Fuck some other woman while she was at home? Play her like the fool like that? Fuck that, I could never do that to Kate." There's an anger behind his words that surprises me, clearly this is about more than philandering men.

"No, I could never do that to Anastasia. I don't even _want_ another woman, she's all I think about, all the time." I chuckle. "It's pathetic actually."

"No, it's not. It's love and it's great." He turns to me with a serious expression on his face. "I'm happy for you man. Really really happy for you." I swig my beer and look away, this conversation is a monumental effort on my part.

"Thanks. What's really bothering you about Kavanagh though?" He guffaws and chugs the bottle back, raising it for the bartender to bring him another.

"I'd never cheat on Kate. You know that, I know that. I'd never even put myself in a position that she could misconstrue as cheating but because of the way her dad is, she just can't buy into the fact that not all men are pigs. So even though I haven't even checked out a chick since I first laid eyes on her, she still has a hard time trusting me. It's bullshit. I get to pay the price for the sins of her father."

"What about Ethan? Is he like his dad?"

"Fuck no. That kid hates his dad more than Katie does. He hardly ever goes to visit and when he does, it's almost always when it's just the mom there. He's going to ask Mia to come to Bermuda with us." He laughs again and throws his hands up in exasperation.

"Can you fucking believe it? I'm finally in a relationship, with a woman that I love enough to go away, _for two fucking weeks with, with her family,_ and my baby sister is going to be there as well. Go figure."

Now I'm laughing. "Hey, as long as it's you and not me!"

"Is Ms. Steele inebriated?" I've done my best to not breathe down securities neck and let Ana have a night with her girlfriends but I've hit my limit. I just want to ensure that she's safe...and that nobody is hitting on her.

"Yes, sir. Not too bad but enough."

"And you're taking her home now?"

"Yes."

"Put her on." I want to be with her tonight. I haven't been away from her overnight in almost two weeks and I have no intention of it now.

"Sir, she doesn't want to speak to you right now."

"What? What did she say?" _What the fuck is going on?_

"She said, and I'm quoting, 'Tell Mr. Grey to go fuck himself.'" The fury from before blazes bright as visuals of her ass, red with my handprints burst in front of me.

"Taylor, take me to Ana's apartment. Don't tell anyone we're coming."

When we pull up there are thankfully no paparazzi outside, I'd hate for them to see me pounding in there at one in the morning looking as pissed as I am right now. 'Go fuck myself'? Is she fucking kidding me? To one of my fucking employees no less.

"She's in her room." Prescott opens the door for me and I stride into the empty apartment, makeup and clothes everywhere, evidence that five women used the place to get ready in.

Ana's door is closed, the lights are out and there is silence but I burst in anyway, ready to confront her about her words. Until I see the crumpled tissues next to her pillow and the small body huddled under the blankets. What is going on with her?

The rage I felt is quickly replaced by sadness and trepidation. I strip to my boxers and climb in behind her, wrapping her in my arms and pulling her tightly against me. Even though she's sleeping she still pushes back into me before relaxing against me. I whisper against her hair, hoping that she feels the words I say.

"I'm here now, baby. I'll take care of you."


	24. Chapter 24

**Authors note: Hello all! You guys are the best, your reviews and pm's are such an encouragement and fuel me to keep writing so thank you all, you're each little muses. If you haven't checked out the pinterest page yet, consider it but open it in private, it's not for the work place or children. FSSAS/fifty-shades-slow-and-steady/ If you have a hard time finding it, I'm told the url in my profile works.**

* * *

**APOV**

When I wake to use the bathroom at some point in the dead of night I nearly fall out of the bed when I see Christian lying next to me sleeping. _When the hell did he get here?_ I'm a bit drunk still but the emotional inebriation of a few hours ago has been effectively cried out onto the tissues scattered on the pillow and the floor. Once I've picked them up and taken a few Advil's I sit on the bed next to this beautiful man and fight the urge to smack him upside his head.

His clothes are in a pile at my feet where he shed them before getting into bed, the soft glow of his phone alerting him to a new text message and I sit pensively until the light goes dark. What am I doing? What is _he_ doing? It took 12 hours, six vodka tonics and one very persuasive girlfriend to convince me that this man wouldn't use me and I don't _think_ he's still interested in Elena but then, why the secrecy? What is he trying to hide? The light glows again and this time I lift the phone and see her name and the beginning of her message.

**Darling, you have far more to lose if anybody finds this out. The price of my silence is yours as well.**

I don't know if there's more, if I swipe it he'll know I read it. _I hate her._ I fucking hate her. Outside of killing her I don't know how to get her out of our lives. For gods sake she molested him and remained friends with his mother. How does one even go up against someone so hideous? I replace his phone, face down on top of his pants and exhale harshly, secretly hoping he'll wake up and explain himself.

Three in the morning. I can't sleep in here anymore, I feel a burgeoning animosity towards this man sharing my bed so I head to the guest room and lay in the dark silence, praying that my heart won't shatter when the inevitable happens. I've tried desperately to hold onto a part of me that he can't take just so that when he tires of me, there's something left for me to build from.

For as much as he knows about me and my daily activities, I feel like he doesn't really know me at all. If he did, he wouldn't have made me feel cheap this afternoon and he certainly wouldn't have waited until the middle of the freaking night to make things right. But then, that tiny little voice in my head, the one that speaks for my heart, it gets louder and louder as it puts his actions in place. Secret meetings, omissions of his activities, his constant 'need' for me. Something is going on and it's stressing him out.

Finally, after I've run around different possible scenarios as to what's going on in his closed off world I drift to sleep.

I'm pulled from my dreams by a violent scream that slams me in the chest and freezes me to the mattress. _That's Christian._ The incoherent shouts are punctuated by high pitched screams and I race from the bed, untangling myself from the blanket around my feet and run into Elliot as he flings the door open.

Christian is thrashing back and forth on my bed, the blankets are on the floor, the sheets untucked from the mattress. In the middle of my queen sized bed is a billionaire CEO in the middle of a nightmare. The beat of my heart is louder than the screams from his throat and I jump onto the bed only to be pulled away by Elliot.

"Christian! Christian!" Elliot is yelling his name over and over, each time he says it the screams get quieter until they stop along with the frenzied thrashing. _This isn't new, he knows exactly what to do. Oh my god._

"Christian, you're ok, you're in Anastasia's room." Elliot is still standing at the edge of the bed and I notice that he's in nothing but his boxers. Kate is crying in the doorway, the visual of a terrorized man unsettling all of us but it's Kate, hard as a rock Kate who cries for him. My feet move of their own accord and I sit on my knees next to him and turn his face towards me. His eyes are vacant and distant, his skin is clammy and cold, his heart beat racing faster than I've ever known it to.

"Baby, it's me. I'm here, you're ok." Little by little the detachment ebbs and slowly I see my Christian return. His hand rises to my fingers as they gently stroke his cheek and he grabs them and hold them against his heart and then pulls me onto his legs so that I'm straddling him.

"You left. You must have left." Guilt washes over me.

"I did, I was just in the other room but I'm here now and I'm not leaving." His gray eyes are searching mine, looking for an answer to a question I don't know so I do the only thing I know to do and I kiss him, softly and lovingly.

"Promise me, Ana. Promise me you won't ever leave me."

"Christian" _how can I promise that?_ How can I promise to never leave him when I don't know what our future holds?

"I need you. You can't leave me. Say it, say you'll never leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Christian, I'm right here. With you. Come, let's wash this nightmare off of you and then you can tell me what just happened." He swings his legs over the side of the bed and walks to the bathroom, never putting me down. He reaches in and starts the water before setting my feet on the floor and lifting my t-shirt above my head.

"I was going to make you some tea while you showered."

"No. I need you right now." His voice is scratchy from screaming, the raspy sound cutting me up. He shakes his head emphatically so I turn to shut the bathroom door hoping to god that Elliot didn't just see my nakedness but he and Kate are gone and have shut the bedroom door leaving us alone.

In the shower he wets himself, rubbing his face vigorously under the water and then steps back and pulls me under the stream. The nightmare is lingering, I can see the fear fighting its way out by the line of his mouth and the slight tremble of his shoulders. His pupils are tiny as can be, his breathing still choppy. If I had any idea of what I could do, I'd do it but I'm at a loss so I just wait for him to do something, anything to clue me in to how to help him.

"Touch me." _What?_ "Touch me, Ana, I need you to touch me."

My heart is racing with apprehension but I reach out and run my palms over his shoulders and down to his fingertips, lifting them to my lips and intentionally kissing each knuckle. If physical connection is what he needs to pull him from the whispers of this nightmare, then I need to boldly meet him there. The wildness of his eyes disappears and I reach up again to touch his shoulders, again trailing down to hold his hands while he stares at me closely.

"Touch me." His voice croaks and the last vestige of my anger sloughs off and circles the drain, following the water down the drain.

"Are you sure? I don't, I don't want to cause you any more pain."

"I'm sure, Ana. I want this. With you. Please." Each word is a struggle.

I grip his fingers tightly and lean forward to kiss that soft vulnerable hollow at the base of his throat. I've got to stand on my tippy toes and even then he has to lean down a little but I press on and lightly, so lightly I can barely feel him, I move down and kiss his chest, right over where I know his heart is beating. He grips my hands tighter when I pull back and murmurs with his eyes closed.

"Again."

I find one of his scars and look up at him so that he knows what my intentions are and then I kiss it. He gasps and trembles but doesn't pull away so I brush my lips over the smattering of hair that I've fantasized about so many times to the next scar. And the next. And the next until I've kissed all six of the small silvery circles that have done so much damage to him. So tiny and yet, so prodigious.

"Ana" he breathes before he crushes me to his naked chest and lifts me, my legs naturally wrapping around his hips and locking behind him. "I want you." He whispers into my ear and I reach down between us, wrapping my hand around his now hardening cock, stroking it as the water rushes over us until he's hard. "Hold onto the wall behind me."

His hands span the width of my back and glide over the cheeks of my ass, lifting me slightly and then lowering me down onto him with a groan against my cheek. When he's fully sheathed he breathes out and kisses me as he lifts me up only to let me sink back down. "Need you." he says every few thrusts, lifting me and sliding me down onto him over and over and over until I can't feel my legs or my feet and the water begins to get cold.

"I need you, Ana. Never leave me, tell me that you're mine."

"Only yours, Christian. I'm yours, only yours." I breathe back into his mouth, our lips never breaking contact. "Yours." It's the honest truth.

One hand leaves my butt and slides between our slick bodies to press and pinch the pulsating bundle of nerves where the pleasure is coiled tight. "Ah, oh, oh." comes out like a whine but I can't help it and I easily obey when he leans me back so that my back is braced against the cool tiles. His thrusts gain in their ferocity, his dark wet lashes unable to hide the heated stare of his eyes on mine. One hand leaves the wall and grips his lower back and those eyes blink and then roll to the back of his head when he trembles against me and his knees weaken beneath him. As he spills himself deep inside of me he presses his thumb directly onto my clit and pushes up, holding it there until my own orgasm wrings me inside out.

I almost collapse when he puts me down, his arms catch me just in time and we both snigger.

"I'm sorry, I can't feel my legs or my feet at all."

"Well I can't feel my left arm so together we're a good team. Come, let's get you back to bed. With me this time." And just like that, after six minutes of shower sex, he's back.

Once we're toweled off I put on another t-shirt and look for something he can wear.

"If you pull out a pair of men's boxers, you are going to have one pissed off boyfriend on your hands."

"Well," I say as I dig through the bottom drawer where all things go to die, "I don't have boxers but I do have these old soccer shorts. They might fit." I lift them and hold them out to him but he just stands there and shakes his head with a look of disgust.

"They're purple!"

"They are not! They're maroon and they're the only thing I have that will fit you!" He walks over stark naked and takes them from me by two fingers holding them in front of his face.

"Those are purple."

"OK, they _were_ maroon but they've been washed enough times to appear purplish now. You can wear those, your dirty drawers or you can sleep naked." I shrug and climb into bed to wait for his decision and am shocked when he puts on the 'purple' shorts.

"I don't need Elliot coming in and seeing my twig and berries. He's already jealous of me, I'd hate to add insult to injury."

I throw myself back onto the pillow and cover my eyes as I laugh at the ridiculous sight of Christian Grey wearing a pair of women's purple soccer shorts that barely cover his larger than life penis. Twig? _Not even close._

"Oh, thanks! You convince me to wear them and then laugh at me." He's grinning from ear to ear but climbs in next to me and motions for me to sit up and turn around. As soon as I do I feel the soothing bristles of my brush as he runs it from scalp to tip, squeezing the water onto the towel he's placed around my shoulders.

"They're cigarette burns." He says faintly as minutes tick by.

My hair has long been tangle free but I let him continue, knowing that he's using the busyness to garner courage before speaking. "My mom had a pimp…he was…less than thrilled that she had a child and he hated me. I tried, I really really tried to be a good kid. I never cried, I never asked for anything, never interrupted her when she was…working. But it didn't matter to him. Just the sight of me would set him off and he'd hit me and push me around, call me names, threaten to kill me, you name it and then one day, when I was about three he put his cigarette out on my back while I was lying on the floor watching TV. No warning, no preamble, no nothing. Just a searing pain that I felt for weeks afterwards." My heart breaks as I picture a small copper haired boy, dirty and hungry, laying on the floor of a squalid apartment while his mother makes money by fucking some random guy in another room.

"I cried and he hit me to shut me up. When my mom came out, she saw what he had done and gave me a bag of frozen peas to put on it and then took him in the bedroom to do god knows what." His voice drops to a whisper and even though I can't see him, I know his head is hanging low. "She never once asked me if it hurt, she never even acknowledged it until she asked for the peas so that she could make me dinner, it was all we had until her food stamps came in."

"After that, anytime I'd hear him coming up the stairs I would hide under the kitchen sink cabinet, sometimes for the entire day. She never even wondered where I had gone, it's almost as if she had forgotten I existed at all. Sometimes he'd be hopped up on some drug or drunk out of his mind and he'd look for me. Banging cabinets and closet doors until he'd find me and then he'd throw me around. My mom tried to stop him once and that was the second time he burned me. This one, right here." He points to the first mark I kissed and I turn to face him, sitting Indian style just like he is.

I reach out and touch it with my fingertip and he reacts by sitting up straighter and closing his eyes only opening them when I've pulled away. I kiss my fingertip and put it back on the perfectly symmetrical scar and watch as his shoulders slump forward with relief. My heart cracks in two and try as I might, I can't _not_ imagine a beautiful little boy so alone like that, unloved and uncared for.

"After that, she just drank when he came around or she'd get so high she didn't know what was going on anyway. I hate her for that. For abandoning me, for leaving me alone with a monster. _She_ was a monster." He shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair. I grab the forgotten brush and brush the hair back from his face, front to back, as tenderly as possible while he watches me. I say nothing, my tears speak for me.

"It was him who found me after she died. I didn't understand what was going on at first, she just laid on the floor in the living room which wasn't unusual. I sat on the couch, I remember it was brown plaid with big yellow flowers on it. After the first night I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what. I threw water on her, she had a friend, Patty and that's what she would do when my mom would pass out. But it didn't work. By the third morning I knew something was really wrong but I barely spoke, and even if I had, the concept of leaving to get help was beyond me." He stops speaking then and I stop brushing. "I was so afraid."

"Christian, you don't have to say anything more if you don't want to." My hands are on his where they're resting on his knees and they twitch underneath my palms.

"I want to tell you, Ana. I want to tell you everything." He pauses and settles his gaze on me. "I don't know why, I just do." I lift his hand and kiss it and he continues.

"He walked in on the fourth day, it smelled terrible in that apartment by then and he knew, he fucking knew right away what had happened. I watched him walk over to her and then he went into the coffee can she kept the money in. Once he cleaned it out he pointed at me and said, 'This is your fault you little piece of shit'. Then he left. He fucking left me with her by myself until the cops showed up an hour or so later."

I crawl onto his lap and wrap my arms around his neck tightly at the same time his arms wrap securely around my back. It's all so clear now, his obsession about me leaving, his inability to believe he's good, why he believes he's unworthy of love, his self loathing and the unfair blame he pins on himself for things beyond his control. He was made to feel less than human. He didn't know anything else, his formative years had been spent isolating himself to avoid being hurt and that's how he had survived.

In my heart I know he's never told anyone the extent of those years and specifically those days. Exhaustion, emotional exhaustion hits us both, the silence lingering as his words swirl around us like smoke. I lay him down and kiss his face until his hands fall to his sides and he exhales a long shaky breath, the fight leaving him as he falls asleep in my arms. I will protect this man and love this man and fight for this man until his demons can't find him anymore.

* * *

A precious few hours later both of us sit straight up when there is a sharp knock on the door.

"Ana! Christian! You up? You dressed? I'm coming in." Elliot opens the door and even though I'm in a t-shirt and the comforter is over my legs Christian shields me with his body.

"What the fuck, Elliot? Get the fuck out!"

"Calm down, I already saw Ana's underwear when she sat on your lap last night." He winks at me and shoots me a grin. "Cute polka dots."

"Oh my god. You're like the brother I never had."

"Or wanted, now get out." Christian throws the covers back and walks to the door, slamming it in his face before turning back to see just how much of my body Elliot may have seen. Through the door we hear a muffled laugh.

"Are you wearing purple girl shorts?" Christian bangs once on the door and begins to laugh.

"I will never hear the end of this. Never. Come on, I asked him to wake us up if we slept past nine." He's pulling off the purple shorts, _oh yes, bring that right over to me please,_ and stepping into his jeans, sans underwear. _Hot._

"Why? I'm tired, you're tired, we've got nothing going on today, let's go back to sleep."

"Nope, we do have things today. Two things actually. You, my sweet girlfriend are seeing Dr. Laura Fischer today at 10 and then we are going on a little trip."

My face falls and my chest tightens when I remember.

"I don't want to go."

"Nobody _wants_ to go to a therapist, Ana. But you _need_ to go and you need to be _honest_ with her. Seeing you sad and upset, it kills me. You deserve so much more." He's sitting on the bed, so close, and I reach out but he grabs my hands and kisses my palms before he rips the blanket off and slaps the outside of my thigh. "Come on, I can't wait to see what Kate and Elliot whipped up for breakfast! It's like having Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in the kitchen."

"Wait!" he turns and looks at me expectantly.

"Where are we going after my appointment, I need to know how to dress." He purses his lips, crosses his arms and runs a finger over his chin in thought.

"Well, it'll be just you and me for the day and overnight, so panties are not necessary. Actually, neither is a bra. Or clothes at all really. Well, that was easy!"

"Christian!" He chuckles and begins to text something on his phone.

"OK, bring a bathing suit, something casual for tomorrow and something casual beachy for today. I want to take you to a really great restaurant near the shore line but that's all I'm telling you!" His finger points to me, teasing as he flings the door open. "Cover up, I don't need my brother to see what's mine."

"OK, you have breakfast, I'll get dressed and packed up for the day. Do we need to stop at your place to get clothes?"

"Nope. Mrs. Jones has sent over a bag with Taylor who's on his way." My face must fall because he reaches out and pulls me from the bed against his body.

"He's just dropping off the car and the bag and following us until about noon or so. Then it's just me and you for the entire day."

* * *

"Anastasia, it's so nice to meet you. Mr. Grey, a pleasure." Dr. Fischer is a tiny older woman with short gray hair and deep chocolate skin. Her eyes are shrewd but kind and wordlessly convey the strength behind them. I like her immediately. Christian shakes her hand and stands, waiting for me to tell him what to do but Dr. Fischer takes care of it for me.

"Mr. Grey, we'll be just about an hour so if you'll wait in the waiting room, we can call for you should we need you." He looks a bit dejected but I'm not bringing him into my therapist appointment so that I can lay bare to him all of my insecurities and show him just how crazy he is for being with me.

After taking my family history and laser focusing on my mother immediately, Dr. Fischer goes in for the kill.

"So, tell me about the abuse you suffered at the hands of your step-father." My belly flips despite knowing that we'd be talking about this. The coffee has gone cold but I sip it anyway to stall and take a moment to gather my thoughts.

"I don't call him my step-father. He's just Stephen." I take a big breath and press on with a shrug before I lose my nerve. "He hated me. I'm not sure why, I was a pretty good kid. A few small issues but nothing he should have hated me over." The silence stretches on for a few minutes. I hate this part of therapy, the part where they let the silence prod you to keep talking when you so obviously don't want to. _43 minutes left._

"Anyway, it started out small, a hit here, a push there, bed without dinner. It escalated as I got older. Sometimes he was really great, he'd take me to amusement parks or go to the schools 'Dads and Donuts' events with me. He even bought an above ground pool for me for my 13th birthday."

"When did he start to assault you?" Assault? That word makes it sound so much worse than abuse.

"Um, the first time was about six months after my mom and he got married. I forget what it was about but he slapped me, hard, across the face and told me how annoying I was. It shocked me, I remember not being able to cry even though it stung and embarrassed me. I was used to Ray and he never hit me and never made me feel that way."

She lays her pen down and takes off her glasses to look at me. "And what did your mother do?"

"She was as stunned as I was. We were having dinner, lasagna, I still can't eat it to this day. Everyone, including Stephen was still and then he stood to get a drink and my mom looked down, cut a piece of her dinner and ate it. Like nothing had just happened. I remember they were talking about getting the oil changed in the car."

"And how did that make you feel? Not the hit, the silence that followed?"

"At fault. Alone, rejected, annoying, unwanted, sad. Very, very sad." It still makes me feel those things.

"Being physically assaulted on a regular basis, or at all really, is a terrible thing for any human to endure. To inflict that sort of abuse on a child is especially damaging and we will talk about the physical nature of his abuse but for today, I want to focus on what he _said_ to you." She puts her glasses back on and looks at her notes. "Would you agree that his verbal abuse was the most damaging?" She's good, I'll give her that.

My hands are twisting furiously in my lap, my lip is almost bleeding between my teeth and my left calf is cramping from the constant tapping of my foot on the floor.

"Yes. The rest of it, the hitting and the neglect, it just reinforced what he was saying."

"And your mother doing nothing? Where does that fit in?"

"It proved to me that he was right. Look, I've had years of therapy to talk all of this through, I know that the root of my issue with my own self-image is her neglect and the way I interpreted it. But here's the reality; when your own mother doesn't see you as somebody worth fighting for, worth keeping around, how can anybody else?"

"Anastasia, did you ever think that maybe your mother has a mental health issue?"

"I have and I've come to my own conclusion. I think she really just didn't give a shit." I will not cry.

"I want to focus on the things Stephen said to you and tie what he said to the struggles you have today. One by one we're going to cut those ties. Talking through something as a teen is wonderful and you've given yourself a really great head start. But once you reach an age of reasoning, usually around 18 or so, the realities of the things that have been done to us become that much more painful because now _you're_ the adult. Our coping mechanisms change, we have a greater understanding of emotions which makes it that much harder to understand why someone would want to hurt us."

She's right. I thought I was past this shit, I thought the three years of therapy had fixed whatever damage had been done but as I've gotten older and have entered into a different type of relationship with Christian, there are other issues that have popped up.

After another half an hour of hyper focusing on my feelings of being 'annoying' she wraps up our meeting and opens the door for Christian who practically falls in. He looks like he's on edge, his hair wild from his constant tugging but when he takes my hand and searches my face, his palm brushing over my cheek and jaw, I feel safe again.

"Hi. I'm fine. Really. I just want to start our weekend." He smiles and kisses my temple, focusing his attention on Dr. Fischer who just sits back down and looks at him expectantly. Eventually she looks at me and smiles sweetly.

"Ana, I'll see you again on Thursday morning, 8am. That will be your time slot going forward, we thought it prudent to have a session immediately after your self defense lessons since those seem to expose you the most. If you need me before then, here's my card." We all stand and walk to the door, Christians hand a comfort on the small of my back as we make our way to the waiting car outside.

Once inside Christian holds my face and kisses me gently.

"How are you? Did you like her? We can go anywhere you want if she's not a good fit."

"I liked her, it just sucks to verbalize certain things, ya know?" He rolls his eyes and runs his hands through his hair, leaning back onto the headrest.

"Yeah, I know." He leans over and opens the glove box pulling out a package of Reeces cups. "I thought you might want these after." I plant an appreciative kiss to his cheek and rip into the best coping mechanism known to man.

"Thank you, Christian. Where to now?"

The car roars to life as he grins and winks.

"The farmers market!"

* * *

**CPOV**

Sitting in this waiting room, helpless to the emotions I'm sure are battering Anastasia, I can't help but reflect on my own hell from last night. We have yet to address what made her leave the bed in the first place or what made her so angry with me yesterday but we need to. I'm still shocked and embarrassed by being caught in the middle of a nightmare. Kate looked at me a little funny this morning and got my coffee for me, her way of caring I guess. Elliot's been privy to the nightmares since I was four but he hasn't seen or heard my outbursts since he left for college 14 years ago. He knew enough to not question me in front of Kate but I know my brother and he won't let this go.

And then there's Ana. Pure, sweet, soft Ana. I told her almost everything last night and I_ wanted to_. If I'm going to force her to work through her issues, then I can only be expected to do the same but opening up to her was more than that. I want a life with this woman that doesn't include the darkness and secrecy of my past. I finally have the motivation to put it behind me and to move on.

Once the session is over I wait for a rundown from Dr. Fischer but she just stares at me like I'm an idiot. Ray chose her based on a recommendation from Ana's therapist in Monsanto and clearly, there's no way I'm going to get inside information from this tiny woman.

"OK, so what do we need to get?" She looks unbelievably sexy in her black ankle length sun dress. The thigh high slit and low cut center offer glimpses of just enough of her skin to make me crazy. She's opted to not talk about the appointment so I leave it be and walk hand in hand with her, just happy to have her with me. Out of nowhere some schmuck walks right up to us while we're picking out olives and from less than two feet away snaps a picture.

"Ms. Steele, are you cheating on Mr. Grey with Jared Mastellano?" _Asshole._ She looks surprised but responds on instinct by grabbing my hand tighter and positioning her body behind my arm. She expects me to protect her and I will.

"Ignore it, baby or they just get more rabid." I whisper in her ear, kissing it quickly and she nods as he continues to take pictures. Taylor walks up behind him, removes the camera strap from his neck before he knows what's going on and walks away with it. His timing is, as usual, is perfect. I was half a second away from knotting the strap around his skinny neck and hanging him from the nearest lamp post.

"I thought you said it was just us." I can see she's not mad, just surprised.

"It will be but not until we're finished here and at the restaurant. As you just witnessed, there's still a need for him right now. But I promise, it'll be just us until tomorrow morning." I can't resist that pout so I don't and instead indulge myself in a kiss that sets my blood to boil. "Come on, we've still got to get dinner for tonight."

She stops and turns to me, still holding my hand.

"Dinner? We're making it?" I nod. "So there's a kitchen?" I nod. "Escala?"

"No." Her eyebrows knit together forming that cute as fuck V while she tries to figure it out but when she bites that bottom lip, cute is not the adjective on my mind. Sexy, fuckable and hot are more accurate.

"How about we make scallop and mushroom risotto then? Oh! And can we put asparagus in it?"

I laugh as I answer her, her enthusiasm thrilling me.

"Ana, when I say 'we're' making it, I mean _you're_ making it. I'll help but I have no idea how to cook so you can make anything your little heart desires." She stands on her tippy toes and pulls me down by my hair, placing her hand gently on my chest as if to test my reaction and whispers into my mouth.

"My heart desires you, Mr. Grey."

* * *

I'd like to say that our the hour long ride to the shore line was pleasant but it wasn't. Welch has been working double time to find out who the kid in the picture is and while he hasn't made any headway with the picture, he has with the bank.

"She's fucking the manager." No surprise there. "And the assistant manager." Now that's interesting.

"How do you know?" I shoot Ana a smile while she flips through my iTunes library on the dash board finally settling on the Indigo Girls.

"You have some serious crap on here." She whispers when she knows I'm watching her but I have to concentrate on what Welch is telling me no matter how much I want to watch her sing along to 'Prince of Darkness'.

"Well, tellers are mostly women, women notice shit that no one else does and they talk. I had a few guys up there for a few days this week to get as much intel as they could. Basically either she or a tall red headed woman shows up every two weeks or so to make the deposits, always in cash and almost always in hundreds. Their arrival is always known about beforehand and once the transactions are complete, they leave with both men for the rest of the afternoon. Every few months both Elena and this red head come together."

"How does that boil down to fucking?" Ana's head shoots back, her brow furrowing as she tries to figure out what we're talking about.

"That in and of itself doesn't. But one of the tellers said that every time either of them shows up she brings at least one other girl with her, usually a blonde who waits in the car. This particular teller said that her cousin is a maid at the hotel they go to when they leave the bank."

"Fucking get to it!"

"Walla Walla isn't a huge place, people talk, news gets around. Whenever these four individuals show up at the Marcus Whitman Hotel people take notice. They always want the same room, fourth floor, furthest from the elevator."

"And the proof of their activities is…?"

"The condoms and stripped bed that are always left behind with a $20 tip." None of this is surprising but I need more than this.

"We need photos, tangible evidence that she's paying them off to not report the cash."

"Working on it. According to my source she's not been there in over two weeks so I expect she'll show up soon. I've got two people watching the bank and I'm working on someone I can…use at the hotel to get us in the room."

"Nothing illegal. This shit needs to stick. Good work, now let's get the kid identified."

When I hang up I attempt to skirt the questions I know have formulated in Ana's head.

"Crap?"

"Uh, yea. Brittney Spears? Beyonce?"

"You don't like Beyonce?"

"She's got talent, I just can't figure out why you'd have her 'Crazy in Love' song on here. And Brittney? What's your excuse for that?" I love this, this goading on her part, this intimacy that she wraps me in without even realizing it.

"Someone else put those on there." _Shit,_ I had forgotten about this. Her head tilts towards me as realization hits her.

"An ex?"

"Yes. An ex-sub. Not an ex-girlfriend. I don't have one of those, never will." I hope she gets my meaning and squeeze her knee but even that doesn't illicit a smile from her and I ready myself for the questions.

"What was her name?"

"Leila. She was with me last year."

"And where is she now? Why did it end with her? Clearly if you let her play around in your car you took her places so she had to be a bit more than just a sub."

"No, she wasn't and that's why it ended. She wanted…more and I didn't. I have never wanted more with anyone until you, Anastasia." I see the corners of her mouth lift so I continue. "And she didn't go anywhere with me, she accessed the account in Escala at some point and added a few things. I have the Apple iCloud so any changes that are made are made everywhere so that my efiles are in synch. As to where she is now, I've no idea. Taylor keeps tabs on them to ensure that they're not violating their NDA's but I have no interest in what they're doing."

"So you have no contact once they leave?"

"None. I hardly had contact with them when they were under contract with me unless they were in the apartment." Suddenly it's hot in this car, this conversation can only go from bad to worse.

"What did you guys talk about over the weekends?"

Deep breath, push on. "Movies, books, politics, the universe. I don't know, Ana, none of it really mattered to me enough to file it away."

"But you did interact outside of the playroom?"

"Yes and no. If we weren't…in the playroom I was usually working or out of the apartment."

"How did you find them? Is there like, a rent a sub somewhere that I've never heard about?" she giggles nervously and I wipe the sweat from my palms onto my shorts. I hate that she even has to ask these questions, I hate that I can't just be normal.

"Are you sure you want to hear all of this? Haven't we had enough emotional digging for a few days?" My joke falls flat and I suck in a lungful of air and grip the steering wheel.

"Elena Lincoln. She knew my…tastes and would find women who had similar tastes and she'd match us up." She sucks in a harsh breath. I don't need to look at her to know her eyes are wide and filled with disgust. "We'd meet at a neutral location for an interview, usually Elena's office at Esclava and if it appeared that it would work out I'd have Andrea send over an NDA, Welch would pull a background check and once that all cleared we'd go over the contract and begin to meet."

Her voice cracks when she asks, "Contract?"

"Our limits, what we were willing to do."

"The hard limits you told me about?" I nod.

"So, Elena got the girls for you?" I nod again, afraid to speak about that bitch right now. Her voice drops, her arms crossing defiantly across her chest. "That's what she meant about taking money out of her pocket. You paid her." My stomach roils, I wipe my palms again. How much more of my depravity can she be exposed to before she cuts and runs? "But you haven't slept with her in eight years?"

"We never 'slept' together. I've only ever done that with you. But yes, it's been eight years."

"Is she still trying to find you subs now? Is that why she's calling you still?" _Oh fuck._ She's on a fact finding mission and I just walked right into it. I should hire her myself to figure this shit out.

"She doesn't understand how I could walk away from the lifestyle so easily so yes, she has told me a few times that she's found a girl for me." I rush on as her eyes widen. "But I've told her, repeatedly that I'm not interested, that I'll never want that from her again. That part of my life is over, Ana." I grab for her hand and she lets me hold it but it's limp on her knee.

"Wow, Christian. The layers of her debasement of you is like an onion. I'm speechless that someone as smart as you, as brilliant and sharp as yourself is so easily manipulated by someone as perverse as her." She scoffs and looks out her window. "Turns out I'm not speechless."

Thankfully we pull into the small beachside seafood restaurant a few minutes later but before I can get out she's opened her door and grabs her bag, slamming the door shut.

"Ana." I start but she holds her hand up and signals that she needs a minute.

"I want a glass of wine first." _Ooookay._

Once we're seated and I've ordered our lunch she takes her wine and drinks it all at once. I hesitate to pour her more but she eyes me and frankly, she's a bit scary right now.

"So, the woman who molested you, who preyed upon your weakness, your innocence, your age, your insecurities…the same woman who has betrayed the friendship with your mother for over 13 years, is your pimp?" Well, when you put it that way...

"Look, Ana. We can do this all day or we can get past it and have a really great weekend." She snorts and sips but her eyes don't leave mine.

"Oh, we're doing this. Tell me how you justify having any interaction with her at all? How the _fuck_ can you not see how fucked up this is?" I'm beginning to get pissed and without my normal outlets to deal with it my only real option is to draw on the lessons Flynn has taught me over the years. Counting back from 20 is a good place to start but what I really want is the smooth handle of a flogger in my palm. She snorts. "I mean, I get it when you're a kid, maybe even up to 21 or so but after that, you're a fucking adult, wisen up for Christ's sake." A flogger and a paddle. And a gag.

"I do see how fucked up it was, that's why I'm not doing it anymore! As to my 'interaction' with her, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about so leave it alone." I see the look before I have time to register it and I know, I know I've just fucked myself.

"Actually, _Christian_, I do know a bit about your interaction. I know you went to see her at Esclava on Monday _and_ I know you had lunch with her yesterday. I'm sure there's more _'interactions'_ that I don't know about." Her voice breaks as tears fill her eyes and it all becomes clear to me. _This is why she was so angry._

"Ana," I reach for her hand and am so thankful that she lets me take it that my own voice catches. "I'm in the process of finding a way to put her in jail without exposing myself. On Monday I cut all business ties to her, she tried to blackmail me by using my parents and I confronted her about it face to face." I scoff. "Trust me, she did not want to see me."

"Then why lunch? If you've told her no to the subs, if you've told her you're with me, if you have no business relationship anymore, why have lunch?" _Do I?_ Do I tell her? Do I run the risk of telling her that not only did I do these things, but that there's evidence to prove it? Do I let her know that being with me means living with the risk of this shit coming out at any time? Her eyes plead with me for the truth and I realize I have no choice. Anastasia will always demand the best of me and the best of me is honesty.

"She has pictures. Of me when I was at Harvard. The photos are less than flattering."

"And she is going to release them if you don't give her something. What?" I really need her to work for me.

"Well, she wants me back but she knows that's never going to happen. I'd sooner cut my own dick off than fuck her with it." A giggle, thank god. "So now she wants money, a lot of it." Her eyes grow wider as her voice drops to a whisper.

"And you're going to give it to her?"

"No, I'm not. That's what I was talking to Welch about. I met with her on Friday to get from her the pictures and to let her know that I'm gunning for her. And I am, Ana. I want nothing more than to have her out of my life and be done, totally done with that chapter."

"What are you 'gunning' for?" Now _I_ need the wine. She pours herself some more as I drain mine and lay it all out for her.

"Right now we're investigating her financials and a few illegal bank accounts that we've discovered of hers. We're still not sure of the significance but we're following every lead until it runs dry." Her eyes narrow, her teeth bite at that lip. She's way too smart for me.

"Is that all? I'd rather you just told me instead of me having to badger you for information. Have you not learned by now that secrets are a bad idea?" Seriously, I should hire her, I'd pay her an astronomical salary and provide hourly orgasms.

"No, that's not all." I say slowly. The food arrives just then, giving me a moments respite which I use to gather my thoughts. "I have reason to believe that she's found another young boy to…initiate." Her fork drops and her manicured fingers cover her mouth in horror.

"How? How do you know?"

"I found a few pictures a few months ago. There've been rumors in the community that someone was bringing in younger submissives and something clicked. At a dinner party she hosted I wandered into her hidden playroom and looked in her safe to see if it was her. I found three pictures, just three but it's obvious that the kid isn't near 18. I gave her a copy of it on Friday to buy myself some more time to really nail her."

"So, you know that she's abusing someone and you've not gone to the police?" She looks horrified. It's an argument Welch and I have been having for two months now. He's adamant that without a victim to press charges, that she'd get, at most, four years for possession and with her influence and cache of secrets, possibly less not to mention the fact that without a victim, we don't have proof that this kid is underage.

"Yes, but it's not a decision I've taken lightly. I've had someone watching her house 24/7 to see if any children go in, if they do, the instructions are clear that they need to notify the authorities immediately. Plus, we have no way to prove that the person in the picture is underage unless we can find him. Trust me, Ana, I've thrown as much money and personnel at this as I can, it's not an easy find." I'm tugging at my hair so hard my scalp hurts and only when I really look at her do I stop.

She looks relieved, assured that I'm not somehow being negligent. She eats in silence as she struggles to take it all in and make sense of it.

"So, basically, even after all these years, Elena Lincoln is still controlling you. Only now it's through blackmail and fear instead of sex and punishments." _Holy fuck._

"I never saw it that way, but yes." The fish taco sits heavily in my stomach and I sit back, my hands limp on the table while she calls for the bill.

"Christian, you're the only one who can stop the influence she has over you. But in order to do that, in order to be free of her, _really free,_ you have to figure out what it is you're so scared about and face it head on." She winks at me, "Just like you've been telling me. Now let's go, I want to see what we're doing now, I want you all to myself."

As we walk to the car she stops and turns to me, that V between her eyebrows clueing me into the way she's feeling inside.

"You said you got the pictures?"

"Yes, though I'm sure there are more."

"What did you do with them?"

"After I left your office I went back to GEH and shred them into thousands of tiny pieces."

"When you saw them, when you saw yourself with those women, doing those things that you like so much, did you miss it? Did it bother you that I don't do that stuff?"

"Sweet girl," I wrap her in my arms and press her head to mine. "I only saw enough to know what they were before I destroyed them, face down. That's how much I didn't want to be reminded of it. And there is _nothing_ lacking in what you and I do, it's been the most satisfying, erotic, pleasurable time of my life. Now, can we stop talking about this so that I can get you alone and _show_ you just how much you satisfy me?"

When I pull into the marina her hands clasp together with delight and she bounces up and down in her seat.

"I forgot you had a boat! Are we going on it? Oh my god, are sleeping on it?" Her joy is infectious and the weight of the last 24 hours sloughs off with the combination of sea, open air and Ana.

"Yup, follow me." I grab the bag of food from the back seat while she grabs our overnight bag, a satisfying thrill running through me when I see it. _Our overnight bag._ My boat is hard to miss, it's the biggest one here and the only one with a security guard in front of it.

"Ryan." She greets him as he tips his head to her.

"Sir. Mac is on board finalizing everything, we've completed the sweep, all is secure."

"You'll be at the hotel?"

"Yes, sir. Should you need me, I can be here in less than five minutes."

"The Grace? You named your boat after your mom?"

"Yes. I didn't know you then." I wink and she blushes before I take her hand and lead her onto the deck where Mac comes up from below.

"Mr. Grey, good to see you. You must be Ms. Steele. Liam McConnell, first mate." Ana greets him before walking past us to get on board. Once I get our travel plans from him along with a rundown of any pertinent information he disembarkes. All I want to do right now is take her below and ravish her but we're still docked and, well, turns out she _is_ a screamer.

"Ready, baby?" She just gives me that heart stopping smile and walks to me, kissing me soundly on the mouth when I pull her between my legs as I sit in the captain's chair.

"I'm ready. Where are we going?"

"Nowhere. We're going into the middle of the Pugent Sound where nobody can hear or see us, and then I'm going to make you scream for hours." My lips brush the back of her neck as I steer, "Ms. Steele, I am going to fuck you on every surface of this boat."


	25. Chapter 25

**APOV**

The depravity of Elena Lincoln shouldn't surprise me at this point but shockingly, it does. I've been able to do a little internet reading on the long term effects of being molested as a teen but no matter how many times I read about the sick connection kids sometimes feel towards their molesters, I can't wrap my head around it. Christian's inability to completely detach from Elena, coupled with the fact that he still can't see just how damaging her abuse was, solidifies the fact that teenagers suffer the same emotional trauma that smaller children do at the hands of a pedophile.

And this one, she's a special kind of twisted. She has used every trick in the book, every manipulative tool at her disposal to not only bind him to her and make him dependent on her but she's also ensured that she's involved in every aspect of his life. This poor excuse of a human used private information about his prior abuses and used them to her advantage, exploiting them to mold him into what she wanted with no regard for the further damage she was creating. She simply didn't care, she wanted him, she was going to get him. There's not one part of his life that she hasn't somehow weaseled her way into. Except for me. And I will exploit that and use it to my fullest advantage.

Christian is steering us to parts unknown while I busy myself getting changed into my bikini and making us some drinks down below but I can't shake the disgust I feel about her continued influence. Her constant presence in Christian's life is always going to cause problems, not only for him but for us. And I'm not letting anyone, no matter how vile, or how twisted, or how nasty hurt him again. That bitch is going down**.**

Once the mint juleps are ready I make my way to the stairs before an idea strikes me and I run back to the bedroom and grab my eyeliner, heading into the bathroom.

Back up on deck I hand him his drink and as he sips, looking at my feet before scanning my entire body. When his eyes meet the silky coral of my bikini he smiles salaciously but then his brows knit and his head snaps back.

"What the fuck?" I just stand and hold my drink when he steps closer and begins to laugh. "You wrote on yourself?"

"Yup. On my heart."

His finger traces the liner as he reads out loud.

**"You are safe."**

"I know." He says quietly as he reaches for his phone and takes a picture of my chest. "You look smoking hot in that by the way." He waves his finger in the air for me to turn around and I do as he snaps a few more full body pictures of me. The urge to grab the phone and delete any pictures of me in a bikini is a tough one to fight but I manage it with a few more sips of my drink. If the front of his shorts is any indication of how _he_ sees me, I'm looking just as good as he says.

"Thank you. Why don't you go get changed. I'll stay up here and…stand here." A quick glance at the dash and the many buttons, levers and knobs removes the possibility of him to letting me steer. "OK, nevermind, I'll go get your clothes."

He just takes his t-shirt off and hands it to me before raising his hands in a ta-da move.

"All set. If we want to go swimming, I'll change then." He looks absolutely delicious, unbelievably hot in nothing but flip flops and cargo shorts that hang low enough on his hips to show the waistband of his boxers and that sexy as all fuck V. _Yea, I want him. Now._ Taking matters into my own hands I stand between his legs again and press my ass against his groin, leaning forward a bit to grab the wheel. "Damn you look good, baby." He grinds into me. "Don't let go of the wheel."

His hands move from the wheel and slide over the smooth satin of my bikini top, his palms cupping both breasts, squeezing them in alternating patterns. Light squeeze, harsh pinch of my nipples. Firm squeeze, a light as air brush over my nipples.

"Are we far from everyone?" I manage to ask when he takes a break to turn me towards him.

"You know, I don't give a fuck anymore. Come here." His hand slaps my ass and pulls me closer as I shriek with the sting of it but he just chuckles and kisses me. "You liked that, Ana. That little sting didn't you?" His hand comes down again on my other cheek and I shriek again as the heat blooms across my skin. "You naughty girl." His voice is dripping with sin, in turn making me drip with desire. I haven't figured out how I feel about some of the aspects of BDSM that he considers kinky but I can't deny that I liked the aggression he just exhibited. I'll stew on that later, right now I want sex.

"Can I touch you, Christian?" he nods against my forehead and grabs my hands, pulling them against his chest, warmed by the sun. He sighs and presses me harder to him as his tongue plunders my mouth with a sudden desperate need, stroking and taking from me all that I'll give him. Just as suddenly he pulls away and kisses the words I've written on my chest, "I love this, this may be my favorite one yet simply because of where it's at."

"I mean it, Christian. You _are_ safe with me." His hand flattens against the words and I slide down, unbuttoning his shorts and moving him by his hips so that he's leaning against the chair. He's hard as stone already and falls onto my waiting tongue where I suck him in as deep as I can until I feel the zipper of his pants on my chin. He quickly grows in my mouth until deep throating him isn't an option anymore. Moving to the tip I focus on the tiny slit seeping with cum and flick it quickly before sliding my mouth back down as far as I can.

"Holy fuck, baby. Oh fuck." With one hand he steadies himself on the wheel while the other hovers above my head in a sort of benediction. The floor beneath me hurts my knees but I press on, sucking him with hollowed cheeks and fisting the base of his cock while he tries to keep his own knees from giving way. "Look at me, Ana. I want to see you suck my cock."

His hair hangs over his eyes but I can still see the raw, primal hunger in them. It fuels me and I pump faster, my own spit covering my hand as it glides up and down with my mouth.

"Stop!" He orders, his head bowed to look at me, the tendons in his neck pulled taut. "I don't want to come like this. Stand up." I slide my body against his as I rise and he grins knowingly. "You could start a war with that body."

I laugh until he turns me and roughly puts his hand in my bottoms, kicking my feet until they're shoulder width apart. Three of his fingers drag up through my cleft, spreading my wetness all over. "Oh yea, let me feel that wet heat. Fuck baby, you're covering my hand with your cream." He stops at the top of my slit and moves his fingers quickly, the feeling almost like a vibration and I reach back to grab his hair to anchor myself as my legs grow weaker under his assault.

"Mine." He growls in my ear when he plunges one long finger inside of me, pressing the heel of his hand against my clit, throbbing with the need for friction. Instead he withdrawals and lifts me onto the chair, pushing my legs apart to get closer to me only to rub his erection up and down the wet crotch of my bikini bottoms.

His index fingers trace the outline of the triangles covering my breasts before he pulls them down and growls again, "Mine." I want him to touch them so badly but he doesn't, instead he turns to cut the engine and lifts my knees, placing my bare feet on the leather beneath me. I can feel my heels against my ass as he spreads me and runs a lone finger along the wet patch between my legs.

The same finger hooks the side of the fabric and pulls it over and he growls once more, "Mine." His finger pierces me and stays still but I can't, my hips rise and move on their own. "That's it, baby, fuck my finger." He meets me pump for pump and then moves in that frenzied speed, his hand hitting that spot at the top of my slit, his finger hitting something inside me that takes my breath away until I'm about to come and then he stops, withdrawing his finger and pulling the fabric over further.

"Do you see how much you satisfy me? How much I want you?" He takes my hand and runs it along the length of him. He's so hard his cock has a purplish tinge to it and I can see it pulsating, bouncing with each beat of his heart. With my hand still in his he guides the tip just inside me and kisses me deeply. "I'm going to fuck you now, show you just what you do to me." He grabs my lower back and pulls me onto him forcefully burying himself as deep as he can. _Fuck!_ I can feel him hitting my cervix as he thrusts, the sensation painful and uncomfortable. "Hang on baby, it'll go away. Relax around me." _How does he always know?_

With each pump of his hips the pain recedes until all I feel is full, possessed, controlled. There's nowhere for me to go, my body is literally folded in half against his. A single bead of sweat falls from his chin onto my chest and I watch as the words begin to run as the sheen of sweat on my body mixes with his. His eyes are focused on the words, each drop from his brow smearing the liner.

"Mine." He says one last time, his hand covering the words and pressing against my heart.

"Yes, yours!" I cry as my belly clenches and rolls, gripping tighter around him until I can only feel the heat of his hands and the violent fluttering of the muscles around him as they draw him in even further.

"Scream for me, Ana." I don't need to be told as spasm after spasm roll through me and pull me under.

"Shit!" he yells, his hand gripping the bottom of my back so roughly it hurts and then he shakes and jerks, the heat of his release flooding me. "Holy shit." I only hear his whisper because he's collapsed against me, his face buried into my neck. "Holy fucking shit, Ana."

My legs are sore and tight from the position I've been in for the last few minutes and my ass feels a bit chaffed by the leather but the rest of me, my mind especially, feels like jelly. What Christian Grey is capable of when it comes to sex is a marvel. I may have been a virgin a week ago but I've had enough conversations with Missy, Heather and Kate over the past few days to know that mind blowing sex isn't the norm. He's ruined me for other men.

When he stands I begin to laugh when I see the remnants of his affirmation smeared all over his chest.

"I guess you could say you took that one straight to heart." He laughs and pulls out with a shudder.

"I take them all to heart, baby. Everything you've ever said to me I take to heart. I hang on your every word." He kisses me as if saying something like that isn't a big deal and drops the anchor with the push of a button. "Come on, I know the perfect way to get cleaned up."

With a sexy as hell shimmy he walks, butt naked to the front of the boat and jumps off, bobbing up halfway down the side a few seconds later.

"Come on! It's cold but you'll get used to it!"

I have never enjoyed the ocean, I'm a mountain girl through and through. Just knowing that there are living things swimming and…_living_ beneath me that I can't see freaks me the hell out. I can get just as clean in the shower on board without worry of a shark coming to eat my feet off.

"Ana! Come on! Don't tell me you can't swim!" He's upright as little waves ripple around him, his arms constantly moving, flexing, bulging and the desire to touch him is more than my fear of the unknown so I jump in off the side, as close to him as I can, shrieking at the temperature of the water.

With one hand he treads water while the other one rubs the rest of the eyeliner away until all that's left is a red mark. We stay there, immersed in the cold water of the Pugent Sound for a few minutes before swimming to the back of the boat where a little ladder drops into the water with the push of a button.

Christian grabs the rail and pulls me with one arm to the steps, slapping my ass when it rises above the water.

"Your ass should be illegal." I laugh and wait for him to come up, hugging him to me as soon as I can. "And your breasts, they should be illegal. And your mouth, that should be illegal. And fuck, your pussy, that should be illegal _and_ come with a warning label." He holds up his hands as if reading a paper. "This pussy will cause you to lose countless hours of sleep, will foster an environment that is not conducive to working or to being productive. You will think about this pussy for hours and hours a day and do just about anything to bury yourself inside it again and again."

"Christian!"

"What?" He's laughing so hard he can barely catch his breath and I have to say, it's one of the most beautiful sights I have ever witnessed.

"Don't call it that!" He's grinning from ear to ear, a teasing twinkle in his eyes as a fresh wave of laughter hits him. "Oh, you really think you're so clever. Perv!" I joke with him, playfully crossing my arms across my chest.

"What should I call it then? Your _vagina_? That's not really a hot word to use when I'm fucking you." Oh my god. Oh my holy god, I am so embarrassed. He catches on quickly and laughs heartily, grabbing two towels from underneath a seat.

"Ana, you're 22 and having sex, lots of sex. You should be able to say the word pussy. Go ahead, say it."

"No. I can't. And don't call it a vagina either unless we're in a doctors office. Ugh! There just aren't any good words for it."

"What did you call it growing up?" Oh my god. I must be as red as a tomato now. "Oh come on, you can't possibly be embarrassed."

"I am! We called it a…daisy." He's laughing so hard he has to bend at the waist to keep from falling. Wiping the tears from his eyes he repeats it, his voice a high whine as he fights not to laugh. I can't help it, I start to laugh right along with him but not because of the topic. Because billionaire CEO control freak Christian Grey is bent over naked laughing on the deck of his yacht.

"A daisy? Are you fucking kidding me?" I start to laugh harder, the ridiculousness of this entire conversation finally getting to me. "I am _not_ calling it a daisy. No fucking way. 'Oh baby, your daisy is so tight', no way!" He's really cracking himself up and sits on one of the teak deck chairs to dry his feet and to catch his breath.

"You think you're so funny don't you? Well me and my daisy are going to make a snack and then take a rest so you and your tulip can go fuck off!" He stops and looks at me, eyes wide as his hands reach down to cover his nakedness.

"Did you just call my dick a tulip?" I nod once, a slow grin creeping up the corners of my mouth. "Oh hell no. You are not calling my dick a fucking _tulip_."

"Oh yes I am." We're both laughing now when I sit on his lap and kiss his cheek. "This is nice." He sighs and smiles.

"Yes, it is." We sit in silence for a long time, watching the water and the horizon, the only two people in the entire world.

* * *

"Oh that feels good." Christian is rubbing sunscreen, SPF 50 of course, into the skin on my back and legs in long smooth strokes as I lay on the open netting above the water. After another orgasm bent over one of the teak lounge chairs and a plate full of antipasti washed down with a $700 bottle of wine I am as languid as I can be right now. Whoever coined the term, 'This is the life', must have been dating Christian Grey.

"Your skin is so fine, I've never seen anyone with skin like yours." His hands circle my arms and sweep down and back up, rubbing out the tiny knots his amorous love making has caused. "I mean, it's flawless, right down to the perfectly round freckles on your shoulder here." I feel his finger tap lightly and swirl on my right side before bending down to kiss it.

"Lay down with me and relax. You said we could stay anchored here for the night so just lay down with me." His hand lightly smacks my butt as he rises.

"I'm going to fish. Want to join me?"

"Not even your holy hotness can get me to fish. I'm going to start on dinner in a bit anyway but not before I get a little tan."

"Well don't tan too much, I love that skin just the way it is."

Being out on the water, away from the pressures of work and the paparazzi I can finally relax. There is no Elena Lincoln, no Jack Hyde, no anything other than sun, sex and Christian Grey.

* * *

_Wow._ It's times like this that I wish I had a camera. My man, my super hot, super fit, super sexy boyfriend is sitting on the lower deck with his shirt open, fishing rod in hand and a toothpick in his mouth. GQ must have stopped by to prep this moment.

"Is that a toothpick?" He looks up and smiles wide, those perfectly straight white teeth reflecting the sun back at me.

"Elliot got me started. These are tea tree sticks." I hand him the beer I brought up for him and sit down next to him, turning his face towards me for scrutiny.

"Smile for me."

"What?"

"Smile for me." He does but it's more of a 'what the fuck are you doing' smile. "Did you have braces growing up?" He laughs and sits up straighter to drink, handing me the rod to hold when he goes to the rail to pee.

"Are we there now? Are we really going to start peeing in front of each other now?" Something about the ease of it for him makes it hot. _Oh my god, get a freaking grip. He's pissing for god's sake._

"Ana, I have seen you in the throes of ecstasy, I have seen you cry your eyes out, we have swallowed each others cum." He walks back over, leans down and kisses the top of my head. "I've had your blood coat my cock. Yea, we're there now." _Well, okay then._

"I'll remember to start locking the bathroom door." He sits back down and snickers.

"I'll have the locks removed then. I'm not missing out on the opportunity to ogle you in the shower."

"You really are a control freak extraordinaire."

"Baby, you have no idea." He winks and sips, taking back the rod and sitting back down gracefully.

"I'm getting the picture though. I'm going to take a shower and then start on dinner. We'll eat in two hours or so, good?"

"Perfect." I can feel his eyes on me as I walk away, adding a bit of that sway as I go. "Hey!" He calls. "Take off that cover up. I can't see your body the way I want to."

* * *

To me, there is no better person to cook with than Billie Holiday. After a shower and full body scrub so that I am as smooth as could be, I don the short white dress I've brought for tonight. The light gauzy fabric seems perfect for a night on a yacht but I forgo the high heeled sandals I brought to wear with it and opt to go barefoot.

When Christian comes below deck he sits at the center island and silently watches me for a few minutes before coming over and kissing me, feather light on my lips.

"I still can't believe that you're mine. That you're here and that you're real." His eyes are filled with wonder and I stare into them, memorizing the flecks of blue mixed in with the gray.

"Funny, I feel the same way about you." His mouth opens as if to say something but he doesn't and instead backs up and walks to the hall.

"I'm going to shower, I'll be up in a few minutes." While he's gone I stir the risotto and trim the asparagus while I sing along to 'Cheek to Cheek' grinning at her mention of fishing. How apropos.

Just as things come together he appears in the doorway with the bottle of wine he picked out for tonight, a 2006 Chateau Laville Haut Brion Graves Blanc that he swirls and smells before tipping back. I'd say it's all for show but since I've met him and experienced the wines that he drinks, there is no way I can go back to Gallo. He pours me a glass and tips it to my lips. Divine.

"Can I help?"

"Yes, actually. You can start by stopping that licking thing you're doing on my ear, it's very distracting." I lean my ass up against him, not at all surprised to feel a poke on my lower back. The man is always ready. I press my legs together. _And so am I._

"You shouldn't have worn this dress then, it's very distracting in it's own right."

"And then you can stir this while I sear the scallops." His hands drop from my hips as he steps back, clearly uncomfortable.

"I was being polite." He purses his lips when I hand him the wooden spoon and smack his ass.

"Stir. From the middle out in constant slow circles. When it gets too thick, add a ladle full of this and then stir again."

"Ana, I want to eat this, not ruin it."

"I have the utmost confidence that you can do it." I walk away and grab the scallops, drying them and seasoning them but I don't, or can't, take my eyes off of Christian. He's concentrating very hard, as if stirring is the single most important thing in the world and I smile as I notice that he's doing exactly what I told him to do with exaggerated perfection.

There is something strangely erotic about watching him cook. Maybe it's his attention to detail, maybe it's the way his muscles shift under his white short sleeve button down, maybe it's the joy of watching him do something totally normal. Once the scallops are done I have him stop and pull the pot off of the burner. His pride is evident when we sit down to eat and he takes a bite.

"I can cook! Who knew?" He winks and sips his wine while I roll my eyes and smile at him. I've seen this man close multi million dollar business deals but this is the proudest I've ever seen him. Who am I to burst his bubble?

"You did an amazing job."

"We, Ana. _We_ did an amazing job." OK, you go on believing that you sweet man.

"Do you always dine like this when you're here?" We're sitting on the deck as dusk descends. The candles have been lit along with what looks like white Christmas lights but is actually a very fancy lighting display. I feel truly alone and isolated here, only Christian and myself.

"Well, usually Mia is yapping away about something stupid and Elliot's making lame jokes but other than the company, yes."

"And you've never brought anyone on this boat except for family? Why?" He clears his throat and pours another glass.

"My family, my extended family, Elena," he makes a face which softens the blow, "and one time Elliot brought a girl he thought he liked. After four hours stuck on a boat with her though, he had me dock, drove her home and never called her again."

We eat mostly in silence, the calm and stillness around us lending itself to the relaxing atmosphere. How many people would like to be me right now? Alone and isolated with _The_ Christian Grey. But it's me, little Anastasia Rose Steele from Monsanto Washington who's hand he holds even when he eats. It blows my mind.

"I'll clean up, you relax." He stands and gathers the dishes, disappearing into the kitchen while I stand at the railing, watching the moons reflection on the almost still water. A few minutes later he appears with a bottle of champagne and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries.

"Where did those come from?" I'm surprised, we didn't buy them and I didn't notice them when I was searching the kitchen for ingredients.

"I had Mac put them in the galley fridge." He shrugs as if embarrassed, looking down at the tray. "They always have these in the movies so I thought maybe that's what you're supposed to do." Oh be still my heart. My hand flies to my sternum and I smile, his eyes catching mine.

"It's perfect. Thank you." He beams and places the tray on the white linen bed on deck. The sheets are crisp and clean and smell like the sun and the ocean. Patting the space across from the tray as I recline I say, "Come here." and he does.

I settle myself in the crook of his arm and feed him a strawberry, just like in the movies and it pleases him. _So cute._

"Five question game?" I feel him chuckle and roll me to the side so that we're lying on our sides facing each other. He gestures for me to start.

"What's your favorite color?"

"It had always been blue, specifically light blue. But now, it's the color green of your eyes." Good answer, Mr. Grey.

"Describe for me the perfect day."

"Easy. Sleep in, breakfast in bed, pancakes and bacon with coffee, the Today Show, read. Lunch, a really big chef's salad with gorgonzola cheese, a nap, read. Dinner, spaghetti and red wine, read."

"Wow, you've thought about that apparently."

"Kate and I used to talk about what we'd rather be doing in college when we were working all day."

"I didn't hear you mention sex once." He actually seems a bit hurt so I quickly amend my answer.

"Hmmm, well, in the past when I've answered this question I'd never had sex so it never fit in. But now that I'm doing it…all the time…I'd add in at least two sessions, before the nap and before bed." He grins like the cat that got the cream.

"Damn right you weren't having sex and damn right you are, _a_ _lot_, now." He sits and opens the champagne, the cork disappearing into the ocean. Handing me a long stemmed fluted glass he toasts, "To your virginity and my claim on it."

"Christian Trevelyan Grey! You are so, so"

"Male. Caveman. I admit it," he shrugs, "knowing I'm the only one who's ever been inside of you is a real thrill."

"Hmph. I wish I could say the same." I'm joking but his face turns serious.

"So do I. I'd do anything to go back and erase my past so long as you were here waiting for me at the end."

"I'd be here." The words sit in the air while we sip and nibble, neither one of us speaking.

"My turn. You describe the perfect day."

"Cheater! We should amend the rules, original questions only."

"Next time. I want to know this though!"

"I'd wake up early, fuck you, go back to sleep, wake up to breakfast, an omelet and bacon, fuck you, read the paper, a real printed paper, not an electronic version. Then I'd fuck you, watch a movie, fuck you during the movie, no, actually I'd just stay inside you but not finish during the movie. Lunch, I could go for a chef's salad, fuck you again, read a book, fuck you and then go to bed."

"I don't know if that was five or six times you're fucking me but I'm sore just thinking about it."

"You'll toughen up eventually." I smack at his arm and laugh. "Do you ever wish you knew your real father or has Ray always been enough?"

"Wow, heavy. Of course I wish I knew him, I don't know anything about him other than he was an only child and that his parents had died a few years before. And that doesn't mean Ray wasn't enough but you know as well as I do that you always, no matter how good the parent you have is, you always wonder about the person who gave you life." I watch him carefully and he lays back to look at the stars.

"Yes, you do."

"Do you know your birth mother's name?" He visibly tenses.

"Ella. Ella McIntyre." I ask no more but reach out and tug his hair lightly.

"Explains the copper red hair you've got." He smiles, a genuine smile and I know I've said the right thing.

"How many men have you kissed?" This can only be bad. He's done all manners of things with countless women but me kissing a guy? He becomes a basket case.

"One. I've kissed a few boys but only one man." He shakes his head and smirks.

"Nice try, how many?"

"I don't know, six or seven." I see the muscle in his jaw tick but he leaves it there, probably because he knows that pursuing that line of questioning opens the door for me to start asking him about the women he's been with.

"What do I taste and smell like?" His mouth drops at my audacity but he quickly recovers and moves the tray of strawberries to the table. I'm embarrassed to ask but I really wan to know. "I mean, you mention how much you like the way I taste and the way I smell but I don't know why."

"In a word? Heaven. Let me show you." His hand moves to my thigh, making his intentions clear but I've already tasted myself on his lips, I want to hear him _describe_ it.

"No," I say gently and lay my hand on his. "No distractions." He doesn't move his hand but he does lean back a bit to think.

"You taste sweet, like warm honey and salted caramels." He reaches down to adjust his shorts mindlessly. "I could lick you all day, I love the taste of your pussy. I'm sorry, your daisy." He rolls his eyes and I cover my face until he continues. "And your scent?" His head rolls back, his eyes close and he groans as if remembering. "Like sex. Pure, carnal, wicked sex. The promise of pleasure. Your scent calls to me, I know that sounds corny but it does, I crave it. The way your hair smells, the way the valley of your breasts smell, the scent of your skin but especially your sex." He reaches down again and rubs himself. "We've got to stop talking about it." I am so turned on right now.

"I'm changing the subject completely before I can't finish the game. Do you like Escala? Are you comfortable there?" _What?_

"Well, it's beautiful, artful and tastefully decorated so I do think it's gorgeous. But there's hardly any warmth, it needs color and personal things that showcase who you are. You're pretty awesome, it'd be nice if your apartment reflected that." It seems to satisfy him that I like his home but that I'm honest enough to tell him what I don't like about it. Time to drop the hammer.

"When you saw Elena on Friday and then came to my office for sex, was it because you were turned on by her?"

* * *

**CPOV**

_What the holy mother of fuck?_ I sit upright and look at her incredulously. She's serious and upset. _How did I miss this?_

"What? No of course not! She repulses me, Ana. There is _nothing_ redeeming about her. I would rather chew my own testicles off than touch that woman again. Why? Why would you think that?" She sits up slowly and murmurs so that I can barely hear her.

"Because she's beautiful and she can offer you what you like, what you like to do, things that I can't. I thought maybe she talked to you about a sub or something and it turned you on so you came to me to get off. And now that you've told me about the pictures I'm afraid it was because you liked whatever it was that was on them." I'm horrified and pissed that she would think that. Have I not done enough to convince her that she is enough?

"I really don't know what to say, you've totally floored me. I, do, I mean, are you saying that you felt _used_ by me?" Oh my god please no. She nods her head and the bile in my throat rises.

"Oh my god, Ana! Never, I would _never_ use you like that! You are so special to me, so, so, _fuck!_ I can't even put into words what you mean to me. I would never, ever disrespect you like that. Ana, you have to listen to me. If every woman in the world was standing before me and offering themselves to me I'd choose you every single time without fail. No hesitation, no debate. You are it for me."

"So you didn't come to me because you were horny and needed to get off?"

"No, baby, I came to you because you're a refuge for me. Sex with you is a comfort, a connection to you that only I get to have and sometimes I need that. I ran to you on Friday because my world was spinning out of control and you're the only one who rights it. I _needed_ you, Ana."

"How? How can that be true when I have no idea what I'm doing?" I can't believe she thinks this of herself. I breathe deep and reach for her hand to draw her close.

"Because. One thing has been made abundantly clear to me over the last few weeks. Sex with the woman you love is _way better_ than sex for the sake of sex." Her eyes grow wide and she gasps a little breath. My hand cups her chin, my thumb running over her lower lip. "I love you, Anastasia, I think I always have. You slayed me the minute you came to the door."

She gapes at me and then those soft lips curve up and she hiccups a giggle back. My heart is in my chest with anticipation. _Please say you love me too._

"Christian." She says softly, climbing into my lap and holding my face. "I love you too, you are so, _so_ precious to me."_ She loves me._ An excruciating joy wells inside of me and forces the air out of my lungs. Ana, my sweet Ana, loves me. My voice is husky and heavy with emotion but I can't stop the words from falling out. For weeks they've been dancing on the tip of my tongue and now, there's nothing left in me to stop them.

"You're it for me, Ana, I know it. You can doubt yourself all you want but you are _it_, there will never be another woman whom I'll love like I love you."

The soft billowy white dress she has on adds to the angelic quality of her appearance. _My angel._ I've never gone to church, never even believed in God but having this woman love me, _me_, Christian Grey, gives me pause. How is this possible that she could love me? But then she says it again and kisses my mouth, still slightly agape with disbelief.

"Kiss me, love me, Christian." A sob catches in my throat, the swell of emotion threatening to take the air right out of my lungs but I will never miss an opportunity to kiss her. My lips brush tenderly over hers as if it was the first time and in many ways, it is. I feel born anew, completely awash in the sensations of my body as they connect with the sensations of my heart. There's a nervousness to my kiss, an urgency to express to her that while I covet her body, it's her soul that I cherish.

I feel the sentiment spun back to me in the way her lips move against mine and the way she holds my head to hers when she tugs on my hair to draw me closer. With a gentleness that surprises even me I lay her down and run my hands along the silky skin of her calf and thigh, pushing the gauzy material up to her waist to reveal the lacy white panties underneath. Well if that doesn't solidify her angel status, nothing does.

Inch by inch the dress lifts until I just slide it over her head as her fingers slide under my shirt and do the same. Bare chest to bare chest, feminine softness to male rigidness. She leans up and pushes me down, crawling between my legs and dragging her heavy breasts over my belly and chest as she achingly slowly kisses me from navel to neck, leaving small wet patches that chill and burn at the same time.

Nimble fingers unbutton my shorts and push them down, carefully lifting the waist over my straining erection. She drags both shorts and boxers past my feet and lets them fall on the deck, her hands sliding up my legs from ankle to knee, thigh to hip, waist to shoulder and I realize with gratification that she is claiming me just as I have done to her.

"Mine." She says when her breasts graze over my cock.

"All of me, Ana. Every last piece of me is yours." I'm rewarded with a joyful grin. _Gorgeous._

Her eyes seek mine as she hovers over my chest but tonight there is nothing but she and I. With a jolting graze of her lips she kisses my nipple and it hardens instantly under her warm breath. The sensation is completely new to me and when she licks it, my belly clenches as a chuff of air rushes out. _I like that._ Her tongue comes out again and circles me only to nip at me a minute later. _Fucking amazing._

She rises and brings her face to mine, brushing my hair back to kiss my forehead.

"I love you." A kiss to the corners of my mouth, "You are a wonderful man." More feathery kisses to my jaw and ears, "I love you so much." It's all I can take. I roll her underneath me and slide those sexy little panties off and then it's just Ana.

She takes my breath away.

Her eyes are clear and bright, feral and needy and I know that mine are the same. The intensity of this night, this moment crashes into my chest and I worship her with my lips and hands, covering her from ear to toe, each undulation of her hips propelling my desire for her.

"Kiss me." _With pleasure, baby._

Her tongue meets mine with long sure strokes until I suck that bottom lip into my mouth and bite down gently. "I love this lip, Ana." Soft hands caress my face as I move lower and press my lips to the tender hollow of her throat and I indulge in the comforting steady pulse. Even now I can't believe that she's here and real and mine.

"So sweet, so, so sweet." The feel of her nipple against my tongue sets me on fire, the heat from her skin scorching me as the scent of her arousal beneath me and the sounds of her lustful moans above me combine to create a heady cocktail that goes straight to my head and my dick. I'm helpless against her, there is no power on earth greater than the one she holds over me.

"Christian, please."

I slowly shake my head, letting my teeth skim over the satin flesh of her hips while my hands reach lower, wrapping around her ankles and drawing her legs up.

"I want to taste that sweet honey first." Those silky hips roll against my belly, liquid fire covering me and creating an inferno. I reward myself with a long intake of breath against the moist, slippery skin between her legs. This is where I want to be for the rest of my life, on top of and inside Anastasia Steele.

"Christian" she pleads but I want more, I want her cream to cover my mouth, to sear itself into my skin so that I can taste her and smell her whenever I want.

"I love the way you smell, baby." She bucks against my tongue when it runs the length of her slit, collecting that sweet cream that I want so much. "Mmm, I love the way you taste. Give me more." She leans up onto her elbows and sobs out a moan as she weeps onto my tongue. _So fucking good._

"Watch me, Ana. Watch me worship your body."

"Oh god." Is the only coherent words I can make out before I suck that pulsing bundle of nerves into my mouth and stroke it, slowly, languidly as her wetness seeps down my chin and onto the sheet beneath us. Like a starved man I lick, suck, vibrate against the soft pink flesh, tasting as much of her as I can.

The quiver begins in her belly and I pull away, her head falling back, her hands holding onto her breasts. _Fucking hell is she spectacular._ When she looks at me again I slide up that warm skin, rubbing her wetness from my neck to my waist. Her soft feminine body arches to meet mine when my lips suck her neck, her hand automatically laying itself flat against my chest.

"I want you." I whisper in her ear, my hand holding the top of her head just like I did when I took her the first time.

"You have me." She whispers back and rolls up again, seeking the joining that we both want.

"I want all of you."

"You have all of me."

"I want more." She whimpers when I enter her, deliberately going as slowly as I can so that I can feel every part of her. A groan leaves my mouth and she reaches up to catch it with her own, her tongue darting out to taste the cream on my lips. As slowly as I entered her I pull back until just the barest inch of me is left and with a powerful surge I impale myself within her as far as I can, her scream renting through the quiet night.

I growl and then thrust into her again and again. My toes dig into the mattress and push me deeper, closer to the ecstasy only she can bring. The hand I had been holding pulls away and grabs at my back and scratches me, the sensation pushing me to the edge. I stop, reveling in the feeling of her around me but not moving.

"Ana." I sigh against the silken skin of her neck, both of our bodies still until she wraps her legs around my hips and pulls them back just enough so that I can go deeper. "Ana." I'm burning, on fire, melting into her body beneath mine, and she holds me and whispers against my lips.

"I love you, Christian." The tremble begins in my feet and slowly, achingly slowly, winds its way up my legs until my whole body is shaking in her arms but still I don't move. Her fingers grip the skin on my back to force me closer as the heated fluttering I can feel around my cock becomes a raging inferno, clenching and pulling at me to come deeper and with tremendous effort I lift my forehead to hers.

She cries out then and my name rents the air around us as her legs tighten around my waist. Her breath comes in short gasps, her lungs unable to keep up with her spectacular release. Still we don't move.

"I love you, Anastasia." I breathe into her mouth. The tremble centers in my belly, the swell and throb of my cock almost unbearable until I splinter in two and jerk against her and in her, each convulsion a release unlike any I've ever known. On and on it goes; over and over I feel the arch of climax and just when it ebbs it starts again, each time I gasp and groan against her mouth. She's gasping beneath me, still trying to catch her breath against the constant shudders of our climax until we're both spent and covered in a sheen of sweat that chills the blaze of our skin.

We lay like that, skin to skin, intimately connected for what could have been hours. My entire body feels like the bones have been taken out of it, the ability to speak has left me as has the strength to move. Finally, when the breeze from the ocean vaporizes our sweat and Ana shivers beneath me do I reluctantly withdrawal from the warm confines of her legs, rolling onto my back next to her, the effort monumental.

Ana attempts to sit up and giggles as her arms give out, falling back onto the soaking wet sheet.

"I don't know what that was, but I don't think I can handle that more than once a year." I laugh next to her and take her hand in mine, sitting up and pulling her with me. My legs feel like jelly but I remain standing and pull her against me to kiss her. She reaches for her dress and my shorts but I tug on her arm, eager to lie back down.

"Leave them." She doesn't argue at all but follows me, hand in hand to the bedroom and climbs into the oversized bed naked. For the first time since I met her, hell, for the first time in my _life_, I'm sated. Not just sexually but emotionally as well. Sleep comes fast and easy but not before she sighs, "I love you." into the night.


	26. Chapter 26

**Authors Note: Damn I love you guys. I really do. Your feedback via reviews and PM's has been so encouraging and so very much appreciated. A guest (Maggie) asked how to get email alerts. At the end of the chapter there's a box that you can click but you have to sign in with a user name. It does not have to be your real name but I can't respond to your review and you can't sign up for alerts without a log in. Thank you all again!**

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**APOV**

Languid: _an adjective. 'Lacking in vigor or vitality'. _That is me. I know that if I turn my head I will come face to face with the most beautiful man that ever walked the earth but the effort that would take is herculean so I just close my eyes and let the slight rock of the boat pull me back under.

Jubilant: _an adjective. 'showing great joy, satisfaction, or triumph; rejoicing; exultant'._ This is me a few hours later. Somehow I've managed to move enough to snuggle into Christian, his warmth around me a physical representation of our love.

Love: _a noun. 'a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person'._ That is us. Carefully rolling away from his embrace I gaze upon the man who, only two months ago had no presence in my life. The thought of a life without Christian Grey pains me and my fingers reach out to feel him to reassure myself that yes, he is here and he is mine.

For today, I won't question the why's, I will just let him love me and accept it as truth. If Christian says I'm enough and he says I'm beautiful and he says he loves me, then I will believe it. Not because _I _think it's true but because _he_ says it and _he_ makes it true.

Using the rock of the boat to mask my departure from the bed I make my way into the shower and brush my teeth. Today is picture day at the studio so I run a razor over my legs and underarms and throw on a bikini and cover up for the morning.

Christian is still asleep when I leave the room to head to the kitchen to start on breakfast. Outside it's drizzling and cold. While the pancakes cook on the griddle I cut and dice fruit into an artful display. Christian's pancake is huge and takes up two plates but the size is necessary.

The bed is empty when I kick the door open with a laden tray of food.

"Baby?" I call, relieved when I hear the click of the balcony door. His face breaks out into a huge grin and he strides towards me in nothing but a towel. _Oh yes._

"Good morning." He nuzzles my neck, holding my face with one hand while his other hand massages my ass where it meets my legs. "I was hoping to wake up and slide inside that illegal daisy of yours but you weren't here, I had to settle for a cold shower instead."

"You are insatiable!" He smacks my ass and yanks me against him.

"You have no idea, baby. I'd live inside you if I could."

"OK Casanova, let's eat first and then you can have your wicked way with me." The room is large but not nearly as big as the bedroom at Escala. On one end, facing the glass wall that has a door to the balcony is a bed covered in light blues, creams and browns of the softest satin. The other end of the room, where I put the tray with breakfast on it has a small seating area looking out onto the water.

"I made you pancakes." I don't know why I'm nervous but I am. Last night was so passionate, so fulfilling that it seems almost surreal. Christian looks at his plate, his face breaking out into a huge grin when he reads the oversized pancake.

**You are loved.**

Is written out in mini chocolate chips, a whipped cream heart on each end.

"I know." He turns to me, placing his hand over his heart. "I know I am."

His phone is never more than arm's length away so he grabs it, clicks it on and takes a picture of the pancakes and then one of me sipping my coffee.

"How did you sleep?" I ask once we start to eat. He sips his orange juice and swallows, the movement of his Adams apple making my nipples tingle.

"Like the dead. You?"

"Well, I woke up sometime in the middle of the night and I was so relaxed I couldn't even move so I just closed my eyes and fell back asleep." The snicker he shoots me over the rim of his coffee cup is pure sin.

"Yea, well, whatever that was that we experienced last night, it turned us both inside out. You gripped me so hard it almost hurt." He takes another bite and then laughs when he looks at me. "Why are you blushing?"

"I don't know, you just, you talk about sex so candidly. It's like you're talking about the weather, I just don't know how to process it sometimes."

"Well, if the weather is hot and wet, then yes, I'm talking about the weather." I roll my eyes and he sits forward, his stare suddenly intense. "The next time you roll your eyes at me, I will spank you. And baby, I've been waiting to spank that ass for a long time now so you know I'll be watching carefully."

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh yes, I would. And you'll not only enjoy it, you'll come so hard you'll see stars." Holy shit the way this man speaks directly to my womb is unbelievable. I actually _want_ to get spanked by him now!

"Eat your pancakes, Grey and simmer down." His eyes grow wide and then he laughs and chokes on his breakfast.

"Fuck, Ana, your smart mouth may get you over my knee before your eye rolling does."

When breakfast is finished Christian leans back and steeples his hands, the air around us changing along with the blood in my veins._ I know this look._

"Stand up, Anastasia." Oh, I'm Anastasia now. I do as he says and wait as my body comes to life making me hyper aware of every cell, every hair, every breath. "Take off your clothes, slowly, and then come here to me." He spreads his legs, pulling the towel apart. He's naked, his cock hard and heavy is lying on his abdomen and I watch with fascination when his left hand reaches down and cups his balls. _I want to do that._

"I like that bikini on you, baby. You look great in it, the green reflects in your eyes." Once I shimmy out of the bottoms, naked as jaybird I walk to him as he's instructed and stand between his legs. "You are perfect, do you know that?" He leans forward and caresses my hips, pulling me closer so that he can run his nose along my slit. "Mmm, there's my girl. Open your legs a little for me baby."

"Shit!" I call out when his thumbs pull the top of my sex up so that the tip of my clit peeks out. Christian laves it with his tongue, his eyes closed in what I can only describe as ecstacy. One more minute of this and I'm going to have to sit down.

"What do you want, baby?" he murmurs against that tight little bundle of nerves, now begging for his attention. The vibration and hot breath of his mouth create a convulsion in my womb and my arousal begins to slide down my thighs. Taking a step back I lean down and lick his mouth, pulling the top of his hair back so that I can get to him and whisper in his ear right after I nip it.

"I want to suck on your cock." I pull back to look at him, eye to eye. "Sir." The gray turns to molten steel as his pupils constrict. Without waiting for him to say anything I kneel in between his legs and push him back to lean against the chair. "No touching, Mr. Grey. I want to concentrate."

The surprise of my demand flashes across his face and while he says nothing, makes no promises, he deliberately grips the sides of the wingback chair. I want to study his cock, figure out exactly how to please him so I decide I'm going to take my sweet time on this and he's just going to have to deal.

My hands run the length of thighs and open him up further so that I can run my tongue along the seam under his scrotum, over the loose skin and up the length of his cock, flicking that split in the tip. His head falls back and he scoots forward an inch so I do it four more times, each time circling the helmet of his cock and licking back down.

With one hand I fist his base and pull up, gently sucking one testicle in my mouth, drawing the skin taut, while my other hand runs up and down his calf. I switch hands when I suck in the other side and revel in the low groan rumbling from his chest. His breathing is faster than normal, each intake expanding that large expanse of masculinity.

I force my lips into a pout and suck along the side of his shaft slowly, one side, then the other, the front, the back. But never the tip. I want him begging.

"Fuck, Ana, take me in your mouth." I answer him by holding his dick straight up and sticking out my tongue, flattening it against the underside of his head and slowly shaking my head back and forth. "Fuck!" he spits and throws his head back again.

An idea enters my brain and I act quickly on it, reaching back to grab the syrup from the tray. One hand opens the cap while the other circles his cock and slowly runs up and down. His head snaps up when he feels the cold syrup drip onto his tip and his thighs tremor slightly under my elbows. With mild fascination I watch the sticky syrup slide down over my fingers to pool at the base. Scooting back again I lick at the syrup voraciously, lapping at his erection as if he were a meal. His breaths are more like hisses now, his feet tapping as he tries to control himself.

I know he wants to grab my head and force me to suck him off but I want to show him how pleasurable it can be to relinquish that control once in a while.

"Ana, please, baby, suck me." Instead I release my hand and he falls heavily onto his abs, the frustrating groan quickly quieted when he sees me licking my own fingers. One by one I lick the syrup off until there's only my middle finger left. I sit up on my knees and bring it to his mouth where he willingly sucks it in. My other hand gently tugs at his balls, a tiny bite to my finger my reward for the unexpected sensation, a garbled 'fuck' accompanying it.

My breasts rest on his ribs and I playfully swat his hands away when they instinctively reach for them. "Uh uh, Mr. Grey. No touching, remember?"

"Ana, I can't not touch you." He's whining, actually whining but I stay focused and drag down until they rest against his balls, my mouth lined up to his tip again.

I give him a quick peck, he's purple and throbbing, I can see the veins pulsating beneath the surface of his skin and press the tip of my tongue to them, running from the base to the tip, letting my spit cover and coat him. I want to watch his face and see what I'm doing to him so I lean back on my heels, my own juices dripping out of me, and squeeze him in my hands.

"Fuck! Fuck! Holy fucking shit!" His hips rise off the seat and begin to pump into my hands, my two hands leaving only two inches of him exposed and he slides himself up and down, chuffing out air between his teeth and grunting with each thrust. After a minute I let go and his hips drop, a pained, "No!" falling from his lips.

His head has lolled back again but I'm finished torturing him so I lick up his shaft and suck him in my mouth, gripping the top of his thighs to get leverage.

"Fuck! Oh fuck yes! Fuck fuck fuck yes!" My lips form a tight O and seal him in, my tongue swirling back and forth against the soft satin skin as I bob up and down on his shaft. "Shit, Ana, your mouth feels like heaven. Fuck, baby."

With a bit of trepidation I relax my jaw and stick my tongue out as far as I can, pushing my mouth down on him slowly until he hits the back of my throat. I fight the urge to gag and force myself to relax more until he's as deep as I can get him. His hands clench open and shut on the chair, his legs tap restlessly beneath me, his jaw is more tense than I've ever seen it.

"I can't baby, I've got to come. Fuck I'm gonna come, fuck!" He roars and bucks his hips up, his cock sliding impossibly further, so far that I can't feel his semen but I can feel the spasms running up and down his shaft. "Fuck yes! Holy shit, fuck fuck! Ana!" His body shakes for a few more seconds before collapsing back into the chair, boneless and breathless.

Once he slides out I grab the towel and wipe my mouth and his groin clean, his abs twitching each time I touch his penis. "Fuck." He says to himself, his head still hanging back over the back of the chair. I feel exhulant, tired, but exhulant. While he lays there, his arms hanging off the sides I stand and pull up my bikini bottoms.

"What the fuck _was_ that?" He says and lifts his face to mine. His eyebrows immediately knit together and he sits up, reaching out to my hand holding the bikini top I was about to put back on. "Oh no no no, you don't get to pull me apart like that and not get rewarded." He grins, looks down at his flaccid penis and looks at it sadly. "Just give me a minute. I'm afraid you've knocked him out as well_._"

I laugh and tie the top back on as he runs his hands over his face and stands, holding onto the chair for leverage at first. Once I'm dressed, cover up and all, he hugs me and I inhale that delicious Christian Grey scent.

"Seriously, what was that? Between last night and tonight I feel like a teenager again." My shoulders shrug under his arms as I hide my smile.

"I just wanted to please you. You liked it?" He snorts and walks to the bed, flopping on it face down.

"Like it?" he says, his voice muffled by the blankets and mattress. "I can't even move right now." My god his ass is perfection. I wonder if I have a quarter to bounce off of it.

"OK, I'm going to go up on deck, it looks like the drizzle has stopped and I want to get as much time up there as I can before we have to leave."

His face turns, his arms still at his side. He looks hilarious actually but I stifle my laugh. In the short time I've known him, I've never seen him lose his physical control for this long. _I love it._

"About that, I told Mac we'd be pulling back in at 3. We'll have to leave here in three hours to make it back by then. That gives us enough time to get you to Pilates." His eyes close but he continues. "Are you still doing those pictures tonight?"

"Yes, you'll still be there?"

"Baby, there is nothing that would keep me away. Goodnight." And with that, he falls asleep. The term, 'sucking the life out of him' comes to mind.

On deck I read the final chapters of my book and sip on my unsweetened iced tea. Christian's been napping for about 45 minutes which I'm happy about, I love that he's resting, but I've got a need that only he can fill. After another five minutes of internal debate I come to my conclusion.

If he can fuck and duck, then so can I.

The room is still quiet when I walk in and I see my beautiful man's naked body still sprawled out on the sheets. Part of me feels bad for waking him, he doesn't sleep enough as it is but the other part of me, the part that has pushed my inhibitions away is swollen and wet and really _really_ needing to get off.

He snores, a light little rumble that melts my heart and stops me in my tracks. Turning to go I mentally give myself a high five. I did that to him.

I take the time to explore the rest of the boat, Christian gave me a brief tour yesterday but now I get to study the rooms on my own and really get to know the hidden jems aboard. Each bedroom, all five of them, is outfitted with it's own bathroom but the master is the only one with a private balcony. Each of the other rooms has a sliding glass door that goes out onto the wrap around deck but the master is totally private.

There is only one tv aboard in the living room area which doesn't surprise me, I can't imagine any of the Grey's being avid television watchers. The kitchen spills right out onto the main deck so whoever is cooking can also be a part of the 'party' so to speak. Every surface on the boat is covered in either gleaming cherry wood or chrome. After my self guided tour I saunter back to the kitchen to make lunch, it's been a few hours since breakfast and I've learned a few things about Christian in the past few weeks.

One of the biggest issues he has is food. I've never seen him waste it, I've never seen him miss a meal, he takes care in what he puts in his body and he watches just as carefully what I put in mine. He's got a preapproved meal list for Gail who is instructed to only buy organic, local if possible and GMO free foods. His passion for food, or more accurately for feeding people, goes far beyond his own family though.

Most obvious is his work with WSU's agricultural team. He's been the sole benefactor in their research studies as they try to find a solution to the weak soil in sub-Saharan Africa so that the countries there that are so starved for food can begin to grow sustainable crops. In the meantime though, he uses his shipyards all over the world to bring food and medical supplies to nations that are struggling to feed their citizens. Most remarkably though is that in our culture of celebrities clamoring for attention and recognition, he does nothing to let anyone know what he's doing. His intentions are pure and driven by a deep desire to help.

Now that I know more about his childhood, I have a better understanding as to why he's so focused on this issue and I'd love to be able to help in some way as well. I mash the avacados up and sprinkle in the sea salt, absorbed in my own thoughts and the sound of the ocean outside so much so that I don't know Christian is behind me until his teeth have latched onto the back of my neck like a lion.

"Christian! What if I had been cutting something? Christ! You scared the pants off of me." His brows knit as he looks down and rubs his finger over his lips.

"Nope, they're still on." I swat at him and hand him the bowl. The rain has started to come down so lunch will be inside at the dining room table which I'm happy about. I want to explore every inch of this place. Escala had all those tramps walking through it but this boat, this is the one place I can leave my mark behind and nobody else can.

I grab the chopped tomatoes, black bean and corn salsa and chips and sit down as he pours us two fresh iced teas.

"Tell me about your work in Africa." He's surprised since the question is so out of left field but he's also pleased to talk about something clearly so important to him. He scoops up a bit from all three bowls and takes a bite before answering.

"Well, I'd like to help out more in the US as well but the government here makes it almost impossible to assist in any real way. I encourage my staff around the nation to give to the local food banks and we do fund a slew of them in the more impoverished areas but outside of that, there's too much red tape to be effective here." Another bite, a swig of iced tea. His animation warms me, he loves talking about it.

"I went to Benin when I was 22 to check out a ship yard there and was astonished by the thinness of the local population. You hear about the starvation in Africa but these people were the lucky ones, they had jobs and income but there still wasn't enough. So I bought the shipyard, two of them actually, and started paying the workers a fair wage. It caused riots, something I had been totally unprepared for. To make money, to actually be able to buy food that was sufficient for your family was so rare that there were lines, two miles long every morning, filled with people who were hoping for work. It moved me."

He shrugs as if having the power to change the lives of millions of people isn't a huge deal. As he goes on, explaining how he and a man named Jamodo Frederick have set up a non-profit named Feed the Nations that receives, distributes and delivers millions of pounds of food a month to nine nations, I feel my chest well with pride. He's mine. This amazingly generous man is mine.

"…and the happy accident in all of that is that there's been thousands of jobs created. It's a lot of work to deliver a ship load of food each week and even more work to deliver it safely. Our security measures alone employ 1,400 people plus we have a watchdog group that monitors everything looking for theft and corruption. We've been surprisingly lucky. Damn, not only do you give the most mind blowing head in history, you make a mean ass guacamole." He grins, "I think I'm in love."

I purse my lips, flop my head to the side and raise my eye brows.

"You think?"

"I know, baby. Boy, do I know!" I'm satisfied.

"Who funds Feed the Nations?"

He shrugs and chews, "Me."

"You? You don't have private donors or fundraisers, no government help, nothing?"

"Nope. I would refuse any government intervention, the minute you let those blood suckers in, you've lost sight and control of what you're doing in the first place. I've thought about fundraising but the cost to host one is almost as much as what expected revenue would be. I've found that the less I involve others, the more effective the organization is. So I have a board of directors who negotiate rates with farmers and food brands around the world to buy in bulk and just fund the organization myself."

"So, what can I do to help out?" He holds a stuffed chip inches from his face and looks at me surprised.

"You want to help?"

"Is that so hard to believe? This issue is important to you, what's important to you is important to me."

"I'm touched. And not at all surprised that you'd want to help." He takes a breath and thinks. "I'm scheduled to go to Monrovia, Liberia next month. I'd love it if you came, you can see the process first hand, meet Jamodo and give me some ideas."

"You want my ideas?" Casually sweeping up the last bit of tomato and popping it in his mouth he shrugs.

"Of course, you're brilliant." I just stare at him and he blinks, confused. "What? You are!"

"You think I'm brilliant?" This compliment is the best one he's ever given to me. More so than the way I look or how I feel, this one is the one that touches me the deepest.

"Ana. You are without question one of the smartest people I've ever met. You're bright as hell! Don't tell me you didn't know that."

"I know I'm smart, I just didn't know _you_ knew that."

"Shit, Ana, I'd hire you for any position you wanted at GEH but I know you'd shoot me down." He stands and brings the dishes to the counter except for our drinks. "Now, take off that bikini and get on the table. I'm still hungry."

Heat pours out of me at an alarming rate but I do as he says and take off the suit for the second time in less than three hours. He sticks his hand out and takes the material, tossing the bottoms across the room.

"On the table. Good, now bring your ass to the edge and spread your legs." _Oh god._ "Wider. Oh yea, that's what I'm hungry for." I know I'm dripping and keep my eyes closed as he stands at the head of the table between my legs. "Give me your hands, Anastasia."

Without ever taking his eyes off of me he ties my wrists together with the top of my bikini. "Above your head. Don't move them, no matter how much you're going to want to. You're not the only one who can play the 'don't touch' game." _Oh shit_. Is he going to torture me too?

"Damn baby you look good like that, all spread out on the table for my pleasure." He stands there for what feels like hours, not touching, not speaking, not moving. Just staring. Finally, _finally_ he flattens his hands and so light it almost tickles he brushes the tips of my nipples with his palms.

"You like that do you?" he chuckles darkly, pulling his hand back as I arch into him. "Relax." When I do he does it again but I arch instinctively and again he pulls his hands away. "So eager, Ana." I hear the chair move when he sits on it, immediately pulling me closer to the edge.

"Now I'm going to study you the same way you studied me." Oh shit, was it that obvious? "So pretty, baby. It's amazing how something so small can make me lose my mind with the want of it." His palms graze my thighs pushing out and down so that my ankles fall on each side of the table. I am totally, utterly, completely exposed to him like this and while I blush with embarrassment, I'm also unbelievably turned on.

Just looking at me has changed the husk of his voice. I feel vulnerable and powerful all at the same time. I can't use my arms to hold myself up but I've done thousands of sit ups in my day and never have I been more grateful as I hold myself in a half crunch to watch as Christian closes his eyes and pushes his nose against my pubic bone, inhaling over and over as if to memorize my scent.

He sits back and stares at my wide open folds, one finger coming up to push inside of me.

"Oh shit." He chuckles as my head falls back onto the table and slides in and out slowly, so slowly I try to buck my hips against him.

"Uh uh sweet girl. You stay still, I want what I want and I'm going to get it." Another finger enters me with a small gasp from him. "So pretty."

I'm desperate for him to touch all of me, to suck on that tight bundle of nerves that I know he can see pulsing but he ignores it just like I ignored the head of his shaft. With each push of his fingers I let out a small moan and without warning he lightly slaps the top of my slit causing me to jump and almost come.

"You like that, baby?" He does it again but I'm ready this time and instead of jumping I fall back in bliss. I'm so close, two more of those and I'll get what I want so much. He licks the tip of his fingers then and slaps lightly one more time and I can feel the throb of my clit, can feel the lips of my sex swell. He stands, removes his fingers and palms my nipples again.

My belly contracts over and over with desire, so close to the tipping point that I'm dizzy but still he doesn't touch me where I want it most. The two fingers that were in me are pushed into my mouth, just like I did to him with the syrup.

"Taste yourself." I suck his fingers and moan, rewarded by the thrust of his groin against mine. He's shirtless but had put on his bathing suit and the sight of his carved chest above me adds fuel to my need, consuming me and pushing me past reason.

"Please, please, Christian." My eyes are closed, my head thrashing about has he palms the tips of my breasts, broad circles that tease and torture.

"Please what, Anastasia?" I can't say it. "I want to hear you say it." _Oh god._

"I can't. Please, Christian." His hands disappear and he pulls his suit down to reveal his huge hard cock. He takes it in hand and strokes it twice. I want to do that for him.

"I won't touch you again until you tell me exactly what you want." And he won't. I know him and I know that with my hands tied, there's nothing I can do to push him over the edge.

"Lick me, please." I groan, hiding my face against my raised arms.

"Look at me and tell me. This time, tell me where." I look at him, still stroking his dick and feel a gush of moisture seep out of me. My legs are starting to cramp but the only pain I'm aware of is the one between my legs, so hungry for him.

"Please lick my pussy." His hand tightens around himself and he grits his teeth.

"Fuck, so hot." He says as he sits and licks, one long stroke from my ass to the top and back down. That long middle finger slides back in and turns, hooking forward and pressing up and down my sheath until I convulse, a funny feeling jolting my hips up. "Found it." He smiles as he taps it and rubs it. The feeling is borderline uncomfortable at first, my entire body tenses with each swirl of his finger and I have the urge to pee but I know that's not really what I'm feeling. Is this the G-spot I've heard so much about?

"Oh god, Christian." He blows on me, a hot stream of air that causes my clit to pulse again.

"Just relax, Ana. Trust me, baby." His other hand reaches over my leg and flattens on my lower belly, gently pushing down on my pubic bone to create even more pressure against the finger inside me.

"Christian!" I yell and half sit up, trying in vain to get away from his hands that have me fixed securely to the table. "Oh god, oh god."

"Just feel it, relax, trust me." The finger inside begins to move faster, the jolts I had felt before turning into tingles and charges of electricity. "That's it baby, almost there. I won't stop you, let me see you come for me."

Heat, wild inferno blazing heat rushes through me. I'm vaguely aware of how slippery the table beneath me is as the sweat pours off of my body. His hands aren't even moving except for that one finger and I'm afraid, truly afraid I'm about to pass out from the intensity but without warning my entire body convulses, a scream tearing from my throat as an orgasm, so powerful it lifts me off the table entirely rips me apart, spins me around and twists me inside out.

My body, from my fingers to my toes is alive and clenching in waves that seem to go on and on. When the last wave crashes Christian pulls me off the table and lifts me by my legs, hooked in the crook of his arm. I barely have the strength to wrap my hands around his neck but he impales me anyway, lifting me up and down smoothly onto his rock hard cock.

I'm acutely aware of his size, that orgasm has made me wetter than I ever thought possible and he slides up into me, grunting each time I hit down to his balls.

"Do you want to come again?" He asks me, his voice strained and hoarse. There is no way I could do anything like that right now.

"No." I need him to stop, I need to lay down, not be carried around like this, I still feel faint. I can do this, I can speed things along. Gathering up my courage and the last vestige of strength that I have I lift my face to his, grab his hair in my hand and growl at him. "Fuck me, fuck my pussy."

"Oh fuck yeah." He groans and pulls me down two more times until his body tenses and tightens, shaking with his climax and then falling back into the chair.

Neither of us move for close to five minutes. That was mind blowing and satisfying and terrifying and _oh god_ I want to do that again but not today. I really need to talk to Kate. After a few minutes of sitting, still with him inside me I lean back and smile before I rise off of him to find my clothes.

"Wait. Turn around and bend over a bit."

"What? No!" He laughs and sighs.

"Please, I love to see my cum run out of you and I can't from that position. Just a quick look for when you're not around and I need a visual." He winks, I gasp and then, damn it, I turn around and bend over to pick up my bikini bottoms.

"Happy, Mr. Grey?" I chide. He relaxes back, his hands hanging off the sides of the chair just like this morning and closes his eyes with a smile.

"Unbelievably happy."

* * *

**CPOV**

And I mean it. I had never thought about happiness, I just assumed not being sad meant you were happy but it turns out, it just means you're not sad. Happiness, the kind of emotion I've felt over and over since this stunning woman came into my life is all consuming, much like the love I have for her. It makes my chest hurt sometimes, the joy I get at stupid shit like waiting in line at Starbucks to get her the coffee I know will put a smile on her face.

Or watching her orgasm. Holy god in heaven if that's not the eighth wonder of the world I don't know what is. I've made women come countless times, I'm known for how quickly I can bring a woman to climax and I've enjoyed doing it but it was a feat. Something to conquer and use as power, as leverage in a fucked up mind game. They were mechanical, the body's response to pleasure but with Ana, as with all things, they're different.

Watching her climax, knowing that I brought her pleasure is a gift to me. I've never seen anything more erotic than her in the throes of ecstacy and not one bit of it relates to power. What she did this morning tops even the high I got off of this last orgasm of hers.

Not because it was mine but because it was the first time I've ever been ordered to receive pleasure and the first time I could without fear of being touched. I have never let one of my subs tell me what to do, I have never let them suck me off unrestrained and I've certainly never closed my eyes without worrying about where their hands would end up. But today, like the previous times with Ana, I loved her hands on my legs, on my balls, against my lower belly. What makes this morning so different, so mind bending is that while it was unbelievably good, it was also the first time in my entire life I've been free to receive pleasure without rules or boundaries of any sort.

She has truly changed the game. Altered my entire universe and given me life. Watching her now as she ties that little top back on and stumbles back to our room to clean herself up, I'm hit again with how tiny she is, how fragile and small she is and yet she has a larger presence in my life than anybody has in the past or anybody will ever have in the future. _She's _my future, the one I didn't know I wanted. I have to get her to marry me.

Marriage. Yet another concept that I could never get on board with, another word that meant nothing to me, that was a non-issue. And yet another thing that I want so desperately with Ana that I think of little else. Her with my ring on her hand, a claim staked in diamonds to let the world know that this woman, this woman right here is taken. Untouchable by anyone but me. Today, my mission is simple, outside of another fuck, I need to feel her out.

"Hey, you gonna fall asleep on me again?" I take her in, this perfect specimen of womanhood and smile at her, the movement of my lips automatic. She just makes me happy, I can't help it. She's just in shorts and a t-shirt but it doesn't matter. She's stunning.

"I could if I wanted to. Keeping you sated is a full time job." I tease and she laughs while she opens a box of crackers. "And fed. Are you really still hungry?"

"I don't know what the hell you did, what kind of voodoo magic you did to my…down there but I'm famished. Keeping up with you is a lot of work!"

"Down there?" My bathing suit sticks to me a bit since I'm covered in Ana but I like it, the confirmation that my dick was inside of her body. "I'd rather you call it a daisy. Trust me, Ana, the plans I have for you are endless." I give her a quick kiss and a smack on her ass. "A lifetime worth of fucking."

She snorts. "Well, if you're still interested in me in five years you'll have to fill me in on what's left."

"Five years only gets me through items one through 1500."

"Ha. And how many items are there?"

"Millions." I whisper, a satisfying shiver running through her. "I'm going to need more than five years. I was thinking more like 100."

She laughs and chews her crackers, her eyes twinkling with joy.

"Well, there's a lot more to life than sex and I want it all. Plus, in a hundred years, we'll both be dead."

"Maybe so but as long as we die having sex, I'm good with that." I'm absolutely serious right now but she doesn't know that so I'm not surprised when she keeps laughing.

"What do you want to do? It's still raining and cold out there."

"I want to fuck you." Her eyes grow wide. I love this part about her, how no matter what the situation, she expresses herself so truthfully.

"Are you serious? We just did!"

"Ana," I start walking towards her and standing close enough to kiss her temple. "I can never get enough of you. No matter how many times we've done it, no matter how long it's been, I see you and I want you. All. The. Time."

"Well," she says sweetly. "I was thinking we could just hang out and talk, get to know each other more."

"Five questions?" I like the game, there's more about her past I want to find out anyway.

"Well, yes but not in that format. Just us talking. Maybe with a glass of wine in the hot tub?"

"Now you're talking. I'll get the wine, you get in the hot tub. Naked of course, boat rules."

* * *

"Well, shit. I was hoping to watch you get in." she giggles and stands so I can see everything to her waist and just like that I'm hard again. "Damn."

"It was smart of you to build the retractable roof over this. I've never seen anything like it, not that I've been on many yachts." I am damn proud of this boat and any compliment coming out of her mouth is a sweet reward.

"They're not standard but I've seen them on other boats. I own a company that builds these boats, acquired it about five years ago. It was my first foray into ships and I got the bug for it."

"What do you own mostly? I know you're got your fingers in all different pies but what makes up the majority share?" Pie. Cherry pie. Warm cherry pie. My hard on begins to pulse. Clearing my throat I continue.

"I do have quite a bit of a spread but our main focus is telecommunications and shipping. I'd say more than 60% of the companies I'm interested in acquiring are in either of those two categories. The rest are either good investments or are purchased to be cut up and resold to the correct market for a profit."

"How do you manage it all? It's so confusing."

"How are you able to speak English and then switch to Spanish and then to French without getting them mixed up? It's just the way my brain is organized I guess. It's a game, easy as long as I compartmentalize. I've also got people that work for me who are very good at their jobs."

"Like Ros."

"Like Ros. I'd be up shit's creek without a paddle without her."

"She loves working for you. Said you're one of the few men who don't care that she's a woman."

"I don't. She's good at her job, that's all I care about." I've had about all I can take of her sitting across from me. I want to touch her. "Come here, baby."

She just laughs and sips her wine, shaking her head. "No. You want sex, all the time and sometimes I just want to talk. Besides, I'm afraid you'll do that thing to me again." Now I'm laughing, _'that thing'._

"An orgasm. A G-spot orgasm. I promise I won't do it again unless I ask first. I've heard it's only that freaky the first few times and then you know what to expect." She looks at me carefully and rises out of the water, the two steps it takes for her to sit in front of me turning me to granite. I nuzzle that spot behind her ear and watch the goose bumps cover her arms. "That's better. I like you close to me."

"How many people work for you?"

"That's a tough one, I know domestically I've got about 36 thousand people between the US and Canada. Internationally I think there's around nine thousand. Most of the international companies we acquire are disassembled and resold so the turnover is high. This Chinese deal you're helping me with, that will add a permanent three thousand workers but if my plans for a new shipyard and new plant come to fruition, which they will, it will employ another two."

"Speaking of the Chinese deal, we need to schedule a sit down with them. A neutral location is best, somewhere in the middle if possible. Any ideas?" Wherever she suggests, wherever her little heart wants to go is where we'll meet.

"Rome is a good middle spot. I've never been there either." Rome it is. Her head falls forward, the vibration of her moan traveling right to my dick. "That feels so good."

Knowing that she's naked is killing me, just a tiny lift and I could be in heaven but I control myself and run my hands up and down her back, digging into her shoulder blades and rubbing out the tiny bumps no doubt caused by lying on the table for a half hour.

"Christian, are you going to be nice tonight? I'm a bit nervous for you to watch me teach but I'm _really_ anxious about the pictures." I snort, wonder why.

"I'll behave as long as the fucking photographer keeps his hands to himself. If he touches you or if that Jared guy touches you though, I'm going to flip the fuck out." I squeeze her breasts and pull her back to me. "Nobody touches what's mine."

"No, they don't. But I can't be afraid that you're going to go all cray cray on someone, especially Jared whom I have a friendship with."

"Cray cray? I would love to meet with your English professor." She giggles and well, that's all I can take.

"I love you, Anastasia." The sound of it coming out of my mouth still sounds funny to me and I bury my face in her wet hair when I feel the heat creep up my neck. She sighs and leans against me.

"I love to hear you say that, Christian." She does? It doesn't sound funny to her?

"You do?"

"Mmmhmm. It makes me feel safe."

"Well in that case," I kiss the middle of her bare neck, "I love you."

And then the shell of her left ear. "I love you." Her right ear, "I love you."

She rises and turns and I kiss her sternum, "I love you." She sighs again, a contented and happy sigh that brings me peace like I've never known before. Her fingers rise to my face, her thumb wiping along my lower lip. She looks directly in my eyes and I'm lost, swallowed whole by the beauty in front of me. If she didn't own me before, she does now.

"I love you, Christian." She means it, I can feel it radiating from the tips of her fingers. For some reason, this woman, this beautiful, smart, sweet, sexy woman loves _me_. I don't know why or how but she does even though she knows almost all of the ugly dirty darkness that has lived inside of me.

Never taking her eyes off of mine she rises pushes my legs together and straddles me, sliding that heated sheath over me until I can feel her around the base of my cock.

"Fuuuuuuck." She feels so fucking good.

Her arms, heated by the water rest on the tops of my shoulders, her hands lying on the back of my head and the top, her legs on either side of my hips. I feel totally cocooned by her, totally loved and safe and cherished. I fight back a sob as the tenderness of this moment overwhelms me.

"You mean so much to me, Christian." She presses her forehead to mine and slowly, agonizingly slowly lifts herself up and down over and over again and as good as she feels, all I can focus on is her eyes as they bore into mine. She stills and kisses me, tugging the hair on the top of my head gently as she twirls her fingers through it.

She stands and turns, sliding her back against my chest until I'm buried inside of her again. The curve of her ass is pressed perfectly against the curve of my lap, her legs wide as she leans back and wraps her arms around my neck again so that I can see her breasts above the water.

_Holy shit she's sexy._

Her hips move, just enough for me to feel it and then she turns her head to lick my jaw. _Holy fuck._

"Does that feel good, Christian?"

I push up and she gasps. "Yes." I push up again, "You?" She moves her hips again in a circular motion and groans into my ear.

"Yes. Oh my god yes." I reach up and cup her breasts, pinching her nipples and pulling them, until I feel her clench harder, her breaths coming in short puffs now. One hand snakes down and circles her clit, pressing hard enough so that she cries out and sits up straight.

"Faster" I breath against the back of her neck and she bounces up and down, the tips of her hair dipping below the water and streaming down her back. Fucking hell she just does it for me.

"I'm right there, please. Oh shit, don't stop." I couldn't if I had to. My balls are drawn up as tight as can be, the heavy fullness painful. Ana leans forward and grabs my hand, holding it still as she clenches around me, milking me for all I'm worth and I come with her name on my lips, whispered into her shoulder blades.

The second she lifts off of me I miss her and grab at her waist, dragging her back down to sit on my lap and rest her head on my shoulder. Moments tick by while we enjoy the rain just a few feet away, me stroking her hair while she runs her fingers through my chest hair. Afterglow I believe is the right word.

"Christian, can we do this every weekend?"

"Ana, I'd love nothing more than to spend every minute with you and you can bet your ass I'll do whatever I can to make it happen. But next Friday I'll be in Miami for the closing on the Plaxair Shipyard."

"Oh right. Shit. I was hoping you'd come to visit Ray with me."

"When are you leaving?"

"Friday from work, I'll be back by Saturday night but I was hoping you'd be there." Damn. If it were anybody other than Ray I'd cancel the closing.

"Next time, baby. Sawyer will go with you. Does Ray have a guest room? He'll need to let someone in to do a sweep as well on Friday before you arrive. And Sawyer drives." Her head slowly turns towards my face and I know we're about to have one of her 'chats'.

"Excuse me?" I say nothing, I move nothing. "Christian, it's my father. I'm safer with him than anyone else outside of you. He does have a guest room and I'm sure he'll be fine with Sawyer staying there and doing a sweep. But you'll need to ask him, not tell him the same way you need to ask me and not tell me."

"Ana, your safety is" her index finger raises and shuts me right up.

"Furthermore, I will drive myself. Unless you've forgotten, I have a beautiful brand new Audi that still smells like a new car because I have barely driven it. I'm a good driver, a safe driver and a capable driver. Sawyer can either ride shotgun or he can drive himself but I am driving my car." I begin to speak again but again she cuts me off.

"It's not up for discussion. I agree to the security, I agree to having my weekend high jacked by Sawyer but I do not agree to being told what to do." I've got all week to work on her.

"Do you agree to be waiting on my bed, wearing only what I lay out for you when I get home Saturday night?" She turns and brushes the tips of her sweet breasts against my chest.

"Yes, Sir. I agree."


	27. Chapter 27

**CPOV**

The minute we get back into Seattle the real world slaps us right in the face. Outside of the Pilates studio is a crowd of about 20 people, mostly photographers with a few 'reporters' in the mix. Ryan has already done a sweep of the studio and a background check on the photographer and his assistant and now he's pushing the crowd away from the car.

"I can't believe this." She sits, still and tense in the car while Cat Stevens croons quietly in the speakers. "How do you live like this?"

"I don't. I mean, I have the occasional pap follow me around for a few days and there's always the red carpet but my PR firm has done a good job at refusing any and all interviews which, after time, has sent a pretty clear message. I'm off limits." Looking outside though, I can see we're back to square one now. "Come on sweet cheeks, Taylor is waiting to open your door, you let him, you walk to me, I take you inside, we forget about them."

She nods and reaches in the back to grab the bag of workout gear she'll need for the shoot later. She takes a deep breath and shakes her shoulders a bit before making eye contact with Taylor who opens her door, speaks into his sleeve and then pushes some asshole trying to take a picture of the inside of the car. It's a fucking car, how interesting can it be?

I meet them halfway and wrap my arm around her protectively, quickly ushering her inside while Taylor carries the bag and Ryan keeps the walkway clear. The studio owner is at the door and locks it once we're inside.

"Namaste." He says to us both before hugging her. _Oh fucking great. One of these guys._ She smiles at him but I see the tear in the corner of her eye and so does he. "It's fine, it's only like this when you teach. I've brought Salvatore in for your classes so that he can get in your class members and then escort you to the car afterwards." Only then does he turn to me, pushing his hands together as if he were praying. "Namaste. You must be Christian, it's so nice to finally meet you." Actually, it's Mr. Grey you hippie fuck.

"Jared, I can't allow you to spend money because of me, let me pay for Sal to be here." He waves her off as I interrupt.

"Mr. Mastellano, Anastasia has private security that can help you with crowd control."

"Yes, I've met Mr. Ryan on a few occasions and while I'm grateful for his help, his job shouldn't be that of bouncer. I've added 46 students to the studio's roster since the news of your private life came out, trust me, I can afford Salvatore and he needs the cash." He reaches out and holds her upper arm. _Get the fuck off her._ "Let me do this, Ana, I'll let you know if it becomes an issue."

Taylor gets Sal's information for a background check and I follow Ana in those short black boy shorts and low cut tank bra. I am not happy, at all, with the outfit she's chosen to teach in and I'm even less thrilled that she'll be photographed in it. As Jared and Taylor exchange information I plead with her, one more time to consider changing.

"Christian I'm 22. I teach Pilates. This is what a lot of instructors wear and if I'm going to have my picture taken to highlight the benefits of Pilates, then I need to be able to show those highlights as well. We decided as a group to wear this." I'm not going to win this way, I'll have to buy the pictures and get the photographer to not use them.

As the class begins to filter in I watch her switch into instructor mode. Taylor, Ryan and I are ushered to the waiting area which is a small room with a big window looking out onto the floor. Ana greets each student and air kisses a few, including one man, and then walks to the front of the class.

"Hi everybody. I have to apologize again for the chaos outside, I'm assured by my boyfriend that it will soon be over once they grow tired of me. Until then, I will force you to do one less hover as a thank you for putting up with it." The class laughs and cheers but I have no idea what that means so I sit, ready to see what her body can do.

She walks to a panel on the wall and hits the light switch and the room becomes darker and then it fills with music. I chuckle when I recognize the first few beats of Enigmas 'Mea Culpa'. She walks back to the front center and I watch as 35 adults listen and do exactly as they're told by my 5'1" powerhouse.

"Let's start on our backs with 50 roll downs, grab your weights." She lies down parallel to the class and does a modified sit up, holding an 8lb weight in her arms. "Now 25 more, hold halfway, count to four and roll down." Now I know why her abs are so tight. "Take the last one into a V sit and hold for two minutes, then go right into your extensions, 50 total, no weights." _Damn. _Even Taylor is impressed.

"Full body stretch then flip it over for a hover." I'm glad to see she walks the room as everyone does this 'hover' thing, I'd be pissed as hell if some schmuck saw down her top. "Good, now twist in for 30 on each side." She stands in front of the window affording me an excellent view of her ass and turns to wave. "Go right into your side plank for two minutes. Good, now stretch it out and flip sides."

Jared comes over and watches with us but his eyes are on the class as a whole and not Anastasia. It's a small comfort since he's here twice a week with her.

"She's good at this, no?" I want to hear the praises, I'm so fucking proud of everything she does it's pathetic.

"She's great. She's very strong and lithe which is what Pilates is all about, that's why I wanted her to be our model for the website."_ Right._ It has nothing to do with her perky breasts and rounded ass. Sex sells and that's my biggest problem with him using her. He's using what's mine to sell a product.

The minutes tick by and I grow fascinated by the things she's capable of doing. She'd last for hours in the playroom. Every exercise she does highlights her muscular definition but somehow she manages to keep her body looking super feminine. With about 10 minutes to go Jared comes back with the photographer, one Brandon Strauss. Single, 34 years old, owner of Strauss Photography and current threat to me and mine.

One look at him and I hate him. He walks right up to the glass and points to Ana. "Who's the instructor? The one with the killer rack?"

"Hey!" I boom loud enough for the entire class to look my way. Ana looks mortified. I mouth 'sorry' to her and turn to face him head on. "Hey fucknut. That's my girlfriend. If you speak about her like that again, I will shove that camera so far up your ass you'll get a picture of your brain. Now get out, you're fired." He's shocked and clearly intimidated. I'm not in my usual CEO suit and tie but I still broaden my chest and shoulders under the white linen shirt so that he knows just how fucking serious I am.

"Sorry, man. Didn't mean a thing by it. Brandon." He extends his hand but I cross my arms and turn to the glass and watch Ana do something she's calling 'The Bridge'. Well fuck me I didn't know she was so flexible. I will definitely be filing that tidbit away for later. "Mr. Grey?"

"What are you still doing here? Get the fuck out, Taylor call Jose Rodriguez and have him meet us here immediately." Jared just stares at me and then looks at Brandon, back to me, back to Brandon, still frozen to the spot.

"Mr. Grey, I've hired Brandon to do a job, he's a friend and a very good photographer."

"A friend, Mr. Mastellano? A friend? Do you usually have friends who speak about women like that in front of strangers?"

"It was out of line but harmless. He's apologized; it's time we move on. Anger will get us nowhere."

"Cut the shit with the hippy dippy crap. I want him gone before the class is over." Jared's eyebrows raise but he makes no move to speak. "Taylor when can Mr. Rodriguez get here?"

"We haven't been able to get a hold of him yet, sir, we'll keep trying." I'm still in a staring match with Jared, acutely aware of the rising of my blood pressure.

"You can tell your photographer that his services aren't needed, we already have one here. I'm sorry that you're upset, I can understand your hesitation in continuing with him but he's been given a deposit and has been promised the work. Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to set up for the shoot." In all the years I've been in business, nobody, not one single person has stood up to me like that and blatantly ignored my demands. I watch in stunned silence as the two of them and the assistant set up lights with the four students staying for a few pictures.

My usual MO would be to buy the studio, destroy the business and blackball this asshole but that little voice in the back of my mind that Ana calls my conscious reminds me that this guy is Ana's friend. I have zero idea how to navigate this and one look at Taylor and Ryan confirm that they don't either. _Fuck!_

When Brandon begins to walk towards Anastasia I fly out the door and yell, "Don't you fucking touch her!" Her face crinkles with confusion and then turns blood red.

"Christian!" Brandon stands frozen in time along with the rest of the class as the color drains from her face and anger replaces it. "Can I speak to you privately please?"

She marches to Jared's office and shuts the door but doesn't turn to me, instead she steadies herself with her hands on the wall. I know she's pissed but all I can think about is peeling down those shorts and having her ride me on this chair.

When she turns around I realize the possibility of any of that happening is less than zero.

"Care to explain?"

"He said something about your breasts, he's a pervert and shouldn't be near you. I've got Jose coming instead just as soon as Taylor gets ahold of him."

"Jose took Rachel to San Fransisco for the weekend, he'll be back on Tuesday. Is it true that you tried to fire the guy Jared hired?"

"Yes. If Jose can't come, we'll find someone else. That man is not taking pictures of you." Her jaw drops and tears spring to her eyes again.

"You fired someone you didn't hire that doesn't work for you in a place of business not owned by you?" I nod. "How fucking arrogant are you? So he said something about my boobs. You do all the time and don't even say we're dating because you made comments before then too." Her hand is held up to cut me off before I can get the words out.

"Ana, the guy's a pervert." Her eyes widen and then she laughs.

"Why? Because he likes tits? Get a grip, Christian. I'm going to go out there and let him finish apologizing since you so rudely interrupted him and then I'm getting these pictures over with. Like I said, if you can't control yourself, then you can leave." And with that she flings the door open and walks out.

I am so mad, so unbelievably pissed that I count backwards from 20 nine times before I feel I can leave this room. When I do Ana is on the floor doing what I now know is a side plank with the four students who have all stayed. Only now do I realize that they're all wearing the same outfit, the only variation being that theirs are a full tank and not a half. I'm an idiot, of course they would have planned this.

Brandon, the fucknut, is clicking away as the assistant measures lighting and distances. I hadn't even noticed her before in my rage.

"Beautiful, lift your hip just a smidgen, Ana. Great, perfect. Ok, I think we've got that position." Jared thanks the women and unlocks the door to usher them out while the assistant and Brandon move the lights and wires around. "Alright, here is good. Can you take your hair down for me?" _Oh fuck no._

"An" is the furthest I get before she shoots me a look that sends a shiver down my spine and blood to my cock. Angry Ana, is a hot Ana.

She lies face down and then rises on her arms, the brunt of her weight balancing on her palms in what looks like a low held push up. When she extends one leg and holds the other out straight to form an L, I'm truly blown away. She looks right at the camera with a 'come fuck me' look and I just about come in my pants.

One look at fucknut and I can tell he's liking this position as well. If I wasn't afraid of her, I'd kill him.

"Amazing. You are really very good. Keep holding, a few more seconds." The camera clicks away, my anxiety ratcheting up with each tiny sound of the shutter. He'll have hundreds of pictures of her with that face. Totally unacceptable. "Good, why don't you go change and I'll set up for the bars."

Anastasia walks past me and into Jared's office, shutting the door behind her without so much as a glance back. I'm not dealing with this bull shit for one more second. I fully expect the door to be locked but try the handle anyway and it opens, revealing Ana's naked back behind the desk.

"What the fuck?" she says, covering herself with her arms before she registers that it's me.

"What the fuck is right, Anastasia. What the fuck are you doing not locking the door? What the fuck are you doing looking at the camera like you want to fuck it? What the fuck are you doing ignoring me?"

"Christian, if you think for one second that I'm going to argue with you right now, you're out of your mind. I'm here to support my friend and take a few pictures, not be embarrassed by my grown boyfriends behavior. And I was _concentrating. _In case you couldn't tell, that was hard to do." Is she fucking serious right now?

"Watch yourself, Ana. You're poking the tiger." My fists are clenched but my palms itch, the desire to turn her ass red raging inside me. I can actually hear the smack.

"The tiger? You mean your jealousy over something someone said about me, which, by the way I'd never have known about if you hadn't flown over the cuckoo's nest over it. Now, instead of just getting the pictures over with, I'm acutely self-conscious and embarrassed." Her voice catches but I'm so mad I just don't give a shit right now.

"If he had left when I told him to, you wouldn't be aware _or_ embarrassed." Her body, lithe and lean stalks towards me like a tigress. "Shit, baby. Do you have to wear something so enticing?" She's changed from black to pure white and thankfully this time it's a full tank and calf length tight pants.

"If you want to see some of these moves up close and personal tonight, I'd suggest you bite your tongue and play nice like we talked about. You're embarrassing me, Christian."

"Ana, after your little performance tonight, I'm going to require more than up close and personal." Leaning down I lick the shell of her ear and roll my hips into hers. "You've made my palms twitch and the only cure for that is a spanking and a good hard fuck."

"A spanking?" she croaks but then pulls back and rolls her eyes. "You're going to spank me for getting my picture taken? For fucks sake _I_ should be spanking _you_ for your behavior." I snort as the fiery rage ebbs a bit.

"No, baby, I'm going to play a bit, take out my frustrations on your body over the pictures. I'm going to spank you for rolling your eyes."

"Oh please, I did that after you threatened me." I wrap my hands around those flared hips and roll into her again.

"It wasn't a threat."

She pulls away when someone yells for her but I grab her wrist to keep her in the office.

"Christian, I've got to get out there."

"I know, but you need to wait until your nipples aren't showing. Nobody, especially limp dick fucknuts get to see what's mine. Though I do like to see you turned on by the idea of a spanking." Her laughter annihilates any remaining animosity between us.

"You are such a Neanderthal." I give her my best 'who me?' look and smack her ass when she walks out the door. _Hope fucknut heard that._

As the session goes on I find myself getting more and more turned on by the prospect of turning her ass into a delicious shade of pink. She hangs upside down, her legs in a perfect split and I think up exactly what I'm going to do to her. I find that focusing on that helps to ease the returned rage simmering just under the surface. I do not like watching another man take pictures of my girlfriend.

At the three hour mark I just about lose my shit when fucknut tucks a strand of hair behind her ear for 'a few more frames'. As gracefully as a ballerina Ana comes down from the bars and walks towards me, planting a firm wet kiss on my mouth.

"We're finished, he wanted a few more but once he touched my hair I knew you were planning on where to bury his body so I wrapped it up. He's got enough anyway so let me just finish up with Jared."

Once she's said her goodbyes, I don't bother with either fucknut or the hippie asshole, we make our way to the car. On the road I shift into fourth gear and explain to her exactly what I want.

"When we get home, shower but don't get dressed. I want you to wait, naked, next to my side of the bed." I flick on the stereo and pick U2's 'Desire'.

"Are you really going to spank me?"

"Yes. And you're going to love it."

* * *

**APOV**

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Spanking. I know some people find it enjoyable, I know Kate loves it but coupled with what Christian's past has consisted of, it feels like a gateway to BDSM. Am I ready to cross this threshold and try on this part of his world? The first conversation we ever had about it he told me he wanted to do certain things to me that were part of this lifestyle and now, it's actually happening.

As much of an ass as he was tonight, I know him well enough to know that he controlled himself despite what he wanted to do. The least I can do is let him have some fun and despite my reservations, I _am_ curious and admittedly a little turned on. I'm ashamed that I _want_ him to spank me. Should I be ashamed? I have no idea how to feel right now.

The entire drive home is an internal debate on the merits of sexual exploration and of pleasing Christian so that he's less likely to want to go to someone else for his kicks. The feminist in me is sickened that I'd even _consider_ letting him spank me for his pleasure but the woman in me wants this. Am I doing this out of fear of getting bored or am I doing this because _I_ want to?

The photographer was an asshole for saying what he did but it wasn't the end of the world. Once I left the office, Christian staying behind to calm himself down, I just went over to him, demanded an apology and moved on. He was happy to give me one and was sincere as far as I could tell.

Once the elevator door slides open he leans in to lick my ear again, shivers running to my fingertips and says in that low sexy voice of his, "Shower. Naked. Spank. Fuck. Cum. Now."

I walk, even though I want to run, to the shower and scrub down as fast as I can, brushing my teeth and towel drying my hair. Once it's complete I stand by his side of the bed and notice a small red box on the night table that's never been there before. Christian strolls in just then and lets out a low whistle.

"Damn you are one fine specimen. He can have the pictures, I've got the real thing." Slowly he removes his tie and shirt, dropping them on the floor where his pants, boxers and socks soon join. He sits next to where I'm standing and reaches for the box.

"Do you know what these are?" he asks as he opens the red padded box.

"Silver balls on a white chord. No. Should I?"

"Tsk tsk tsk, your smart mouth just earned you three more spanks."

"Three _more_? How many do I have?"

"Sir. How many do I have, sir?"

I repeat for no other reason than to find out what I can expect.

"Fifteen. Three for that blow job this morning, three for the outfit you chose to wear for the pictures, three for disobeying me with regards to the photographer and three for rolling your eyes. Add to that your smart mouth and we're at a nice number."

Disobeying? Is he for fucking real? Is this playful for him or is he viewing this as punishment? I have no more time to think when he lifts the balls to my mouth and orders me to open.

"Suck." And I do until he holds his hand out. "Turn around and hold onto the night table." Is he going to put those balls, yup! He is! His naked body stands next to mine and rubs my butt while two fingers drag along the lips of my sex until I'm wet. I feel it then, the warmed smooth metal of first one and then the second ball being pushed into me.

"Stand. Do they feel secure?"

"Um, yes. I mean, yes, sir."

"Good Ms. Steele. Now, go get me my phone, I seem to have left it on my desk." Oh my holy what the hell is that? Every step shifts the round weights inside of me, causing me to contract which only adds even more shifting. Now I know why he wanted me to get his phone. "Anastasia. Put on a robe first."

Oh right, Taylor.

It's a long walk from the office to the bedroom but the movements inside me make it that much longer. By the time I get back to the bedroom I'm covered in a sheen of sweat and wet enough to be embarrassed. Christian is standing right where I left him next to the bed. He's in full alpha male domination mode and even me, a total novice at all things BDSM can tell that he's absolutely serious right now.

"I love the way your breasts shake when you walk." His fingers run down the divide of my back as he draws me closer, bends me and sucks in a nipple, holding it between his lips and tugging it. The balls feel like they're pulsing inside of me.

"It's too intense." He shakes his head, tugging my breast and I nearly come on the spot. Oh god, one more minute like this and I'm going to come before he's even really touched me. His lips release me with a sucking sound that travels straight to those balls.

"Baby, you haven't felt intense yet." He chuckles darkly and then sucks in the other nipple and pays it the same attention. "Well, maybe last night on the deck bed and this afternoon on the table. God, what I want to do to you. Now, come here."

He sits on the edge of the bed, his erection jutting up obscenely against his belly, shiny at the tip from the pre-cum I so very much want to taste. His hand fists the base of his shaft and he looks at me slyly. "You want this?" I don't care how far back I'm setting the feminist movement right now, I want that cock in my mouth, on my tongue and I want him to spank me. I'm ready.

"On your knees." _Oh yes!_ "Hands behind your back. Stick out your tongue. Now lick me clean." His words, his voice, or maybe just the hard essence of male in my mouth cause mini convulsion to echo through me as I lick the helmet of his dick clean, swirling my tongue over that tiny slit over and over until he's panting and pulling at his balls. "Stop!" He orders and I do so sadly.

"This mouth. This smart mouth that drives me crazy." He stands, still holding himself but now he's grabbed the top of my head, carefully wrapping my hair around his hand. "Tongue out again, baby." I stick it out as far as I can and he lightly smacks his dick on it, each contact sending a jolt to the top of my thighs which are dripping. "Suck me until I come in this smart mouth."

Both of his hands hold my head then, pulling me onto his cock as he fucks my mouth. It only takes a minute before his iron clad control snaps and he pumps his hips frantically, his eyes watching every slide in and every slide out.

"Fuck you look good on your knees, Ana." I can barely keep my mouth open anymore, my lips are numb from the brutally delicious assault but I'm greedy for his orgasm and redouble my suction, joyfully watching his belly contract. "Holy shit! Don't stop, just like that, oh fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck!"

His toes curl under and he rocks forward, hitting the back of my throat where I feel jets of warm salty liquid slide down. His body jerks forward and bends, sliding out of my mouth before he sits heavily on the bed. I use the robe he pushed off of me to wipe the corners of my mouth and then stealthily clean between my legs. I'm embarrassingly wet.

"What are you doing?" He seems mad and I'm so embarrassed that I look down and say nothing. "Ana, we've been through this, you're not to ever be embarrassed around me."

"I was really wet." His upper body disappears as he flops back onto the bed and groans.

"I know! It's the biggest turn on when you want it and now you've gone and taken all that sweet juice away from me." He sits and smirks. "That'll cost you three more spanks. 18 total." His eyes turn dark and pensive. Internally he's debating whether or not he can do this with me and that damn voice in my own head pipes up.

_If you can't do it, he'll find someone who can…_

"I want this, to try it. See if it's something I can do for you." He cocks his head to the side and speaks in a normal voice.

"Us, Ana. Something we can do for us. There is no me or you when it comes to what we do together. Everything is for us." Yes, he's right. I have to want this too.

"Okay." The concern on his face switches quickly back to a smirk.

"Okay, Sir."

"Okay, Sir." I breathe out, the moisture seeping out again.

"Good girl, now, choose two safe words. The first will be to let me know that you're reaching your limit or that you're uncomfortable. The second means for me to stop, which I will do immediately." I've heard of safe words but I'll be damned if I'm going to use the same ones as his previous…women.

"What are the ones you've used?" I catch the small tensing of his shoulders before he answer.

"Yellow and red."

"Coffee and Tea. Coffee to slow down, tea to stop." He snorts and rubs his face.

"Only you would choose those. Okay, coffee and tea." Playful Christian is gone, in his place a mask falls down that turns me on and scares me. Coffee and tea. Coffee and tea. _Don't forget, you're in control of what happens to your body no matter how much he thinks he is._

"Now, come here, Anastasia and lie across my lap with your face and chest flat against the bed. I want your face towards me." The raw silk feels soft against my heated skin but I've got no real time to think about it when he raises his hand, his flat palm quickly slapping my left cheek.

"Ow! You didn't give me any warning!" Another sharp smack this time to the right cheek.

"No talking! If laying across my lap with your pretty little ass in the air wasn't warning enough," Smack, directly onto the lips of my sex. The resulting jolt pushes me forward so that I rise on my tippy toes. "then you deserve three more." Smack onto the left cheek, followed quickly by the right and then straight onto my sex.

Each time his hand lands the balls seem to bang against each other and push forward. The way he's positioned me, his knee is directly against my belly, pushing against the objects bringing me an unbearable combination of pleasure and pain. Each time his hands lands he holds it there, absorbing and distributing the heat from my skin.

"There's that pink I've been so curious about." Left, right, center. "It's beautiful, you're beautiful. Your skin is the prettiest pink I've ever seen." He doesn't stop and as painful as this is, it's also extremely pleasurable. Once the initial sting wears off, it's just a slow burning heat that reminds me that not only am I alive, but that I'm the object of someone's desire.

I haven't counted so I'm surprised when he pulls me up by my hair gently and kisses me. His eyes search mine intently and satisfied with whatever he sees there he speaks.

"You did so good, baby. Hands on the bed. Spread your legs." He stands and moves to the side of me, his hand immediately going back to spanking but this time, it's light, fast and directly on the wet and swollen lips of my sex.

"Holy shit, I can't," my knees are buckling under the intense feeling but he yells to stand and I obey. "Christian!" I'm all but sobbing.

"I need this, Ana, I need you wanting and desperate, bent over for my enjoyment after the last few hours. Nobody touches what's mine, nobody looks at what's mine. Do you understand?" I will tell him anything right now.

"Yes, yes, please."

"This is my body, Anastasia. It's not to be paraded around anybody but me. Do you understand?" A strangled moan barrels out of my chest.

"Yes! I understand." Like a light bulb going off I know what it is that he wants. This is him dominating, claiming back what he felt was disrespected. I can do this. "Yes, sir, I understand."

"Fuck!" he shouts and smacks my clit one last time, yanking the balls out at the exact same moment and I spiral from a high I didn't know I was on. Wave after wave of desire surges through me, clenching and seeking something. I feel empty but only briefly. Christian grabs my hips and with one powerful upshot he buries himself as deeply as he can, a load roar filling the air around us.

The orgasm continues on, the walls of my sex finally finding the filling of his cock that I so desperately needed. He pumps in long smooth strokes, his breath coming out in little puffs and I look down to see his feet between my spread legs, and begin to build again.

"Oh god, no."

"Yes, Ana, yes." Without stopping or slowing down he leans forward and pulls my nipples, twisting and plucking at them until I'm begging again to come.

"Christian!" His hands pull away but the burn he's started travels down until the now familiar tightening begins.

"That's it baby, come around my cock again. You feel so good coming around me." His hands are bruising, his thrust brutal but the combination pushes me over the edge and I scream into the mattress below my head.

As I come back to earth Christian pulls out of me and presses his left hand flat in the middle of my shoulders to hold me down. "Mine." He says right before I feel a shot of his semen on my ass, right over where I'm sure his hand prints are. The groans of his climax bounce off of the walls, satisfying my urge to please. He came on me. _On me._ Am I ok with that?

"So fucking hot. Don't move." The terrycloth of the robe rubs against my skin when he cleans me. He's wiping himself off when I turn, little shivers jolting his body when he touches himself. He winks and walks the robe to the bathroom hamper, comes back to me and puts me to bed.

"You did so well, baby. Unbelievably well." His nose burrows into the back of my neck. "Did you enjoy that? I told you you'd like it." The tenseness of his arms and the way he's not looking at me can only mean one thing. _He's nervous._

_"_I did! I'm slightly bothered that I enjoyed that but I did." Immediately he relaxes and kisses me sweetly.

"I love you, Ana. I only want to bring you pleasure, you're just going to have to trust me sometimes."

"You came on me." I say once we're both settled in and still. I'm facing away from him but his arms are circled around me tightly. He stiffens and then leans up to look at me so I roll back to meet his eyes.

"Did it bother you?" Did it?

"I'm not sure. I don't mind it I guess, maybe I'm just a bit unsettled because you didn't ask me. It just seems like something we should have talked about first." He looks surprised, to him this is no big deal. He's done this plenty of times before, enough where there is no thought behind it.

"I wanted to mark you, see my claim on your body I guess. That fucker was eye fucking you all night and it bothered the shit out of me." His voice lowers and he runs his hand over my cheek lovingly. "It wasn't meant as disrespect towards you at all, Ana. I would never disrespect you." I smile up at him.

"I know, I'm fine I promise. I just was surprised." He's not convinced so I lean up and kiss him. "I'd be happy to do it again."

"Good. That assholes got hundreds of pictures of you so I'm going to need hundreds of fucks to feel better about it." His arms circle around me again and he squeezes, inhaling the scent of my hair and sighing with contentment.

"Did you do that with all of your subs? To mark them, claim them?" He tenses again and rolls onto his back, his arms coming up and covering his eyes. Now I have to know. "Christian?"

Dropping his arms he spits out, not kindly, "Are we really going to do this? Yes, I've come on all of my subs at one time or another." My stomach twists and drops. Why did I ask? "Not because I was jealous or needed to mark them as mine like tonight but because it's part of sex sometimes. Don't make me do this after every new experience, Ana."

"Did you think of them when you did that with me though? When we do things that you've done before, do you ever remember doing it with them or compare it?" He rips the sheets off and jumps up, walking to the dresser and yanking on a pair of white cotton boxer briefs and flannel pajama pants. He looks hot as hell.

"Ana, I came on you because I was jealous as fuck. I don't like anyone, man woman or beast looking at you and that asshole was all over you. I _know_ what he's doing tonight with those pictures and it sickens me." He's pacing in a line from one end of the bed to the other. "Fuck! I could have walked in on a sub fucking someone else and I would have been disgusted by their lack of control and pissed that they broke a contract. But I would have never been jealous because they meant next to nothing to me. You mean _everything_!"

I rise to my knees and keep going, if he's talking, I have things I need to hear.

"But I have no idea what I'm doing, sex, even the basic stuff is brand new. I'm just, I don't know, afraid that I seem clumsy and pathetic to you since you've been with...experts for lack of a better term."

"No I don't think of them ever." His hand tugs at his hair in frustration. "When we do things, I'm so consumed by you, by every move, sound, sight of you that there isn't room for any memories of anyone else. I am totally committed to you, Ana, even in my mind. And there is no comparison! None." He stops and stares at me, imploring me to believe him. "You are not clumsy or pathetic. You are quite honestly the sexiest woman I have ever met. Everything you do turns me on like nothing ever has. You make _me_ feel like a virgin!"

I feel like shit and I know I shouldn't even think of these things but there are times when his experience is so obvious that it's like a slap in the face that I'm not the first or the only.

"Christian, I want to talk to Kate. Or Heather. Someone who I can tell about your previous lifestyle who can help me work through some of the issues that come up in my head." He tosses his head back and crosses his arms.

"No. You can't talk to Kate, she's dating my brother. Heather is dating the second in command on my security team. Can't you just talk to your therapist?"

"I want to talk to my girlfriends, women my age who are dating. Not an older woman wearing a wedding ring." He pinches his nose and shuts down.

"It's been a long weekend, a really great long weekend but I've got some work to get done in the office and you need to sleep. I'll be in in a little bit. We can talk about this tomorrow night after work. My parents want us to come over for dinner, we can talk on the drive." Talk about a mood shift. Fine, I need to work out this spanking stuff anyway.

"Oh. OK, that sounds lovely. Should I call your mom to see what I can bring?" Christian laughs and leans down to kiss my cheek.

"Ha! Trust me, you being there is all my mom wants. Now sleep, we'll leave at eight for GEH."

* * *

**CPOV**

Is this shit going to happen every time we have sex? Because if she asks me about the things I've done, she's going to be upset a lot and that is the last thing I want. I want to bring her out sexually, show her what her body can do and what it does for me, not shut her down. The truth is, I _don't_ think about those other women, I never have really. I certainly don't think about Elena, not unless I need to throw up at least. Since the moment I laid eyes on Ana I've been consumed, obsessed, overwhelmed by her, there really is no room for anybody else.

"Good evening, Mr. Grey. Can I make you something to eat?" Gail is in the kitchen making a fruit salad for tomorrow's breakfast. I rarely have conversations with her outside of the house stuff but I need a woman's advice and, well, Gail's a woman.

"No, thanks, I'm fine. Could you do me a favor and go over the weeks menu with Ms. Steele tomorrow? I want her involved in as much of the household things as possible."

"Yes, sir, I'll get her input during breakfast."

"I understand she wants you to call her Ana?" She grins and shrugs.

"I'll call her whatever you're most comfortable with though in front of you." Sneaky girl.

"No, Ana is fine. I want her to move in. How do I make that happen?" Her eyes grow wide and I see the slight bounce of her feet showing her excitement. "Not logistically, how do I get her to _want_ to move in?"

"Well, Ana is a lovely and warm person, the apartment is beautiful, impeccably decorated but it lacks a bit of warmth." I'm surprised by her candor and my face must show that because she covers her mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate that it's cold, it's just that…oh shit." Her hand flies back to her mouth and I burst into laughter.

"I've heard the word before, it's ok. So I need to warm it up? How?" She hesitates so I prod her. "Speak freely, please. If I ask Mia the entire world will know and I can't put up with her that long anyway and if I ask my mother she'll start to cry I'm sure. You're it. I need your help."

"Well, if I can speak freely than let me say that Jason and I are so very happy for you. You deserve every bit of happiness that comes your way and Ana is wonderful. Now, as far as the apartment, maybe some new paint to start. Let her choose some artwork for the walls, oh, and always have fresh flowers around. In your room, in the kitchen, in the foyer. Women love flowers."

"Paint, art, flowers. Got it, thank you. Could you ensure a fresh bouquet in each room then? Switch it out twice a week and no carnations." I stand and smile at her before walking to my office to get a jump start on the week ahead.

* * *

"Welch, anything on the bank?"

"No, sir. She didn't show up at all on Friday or Saturday morning. My guys watching her house reported that an Isaac Mizcat entered the property at 4pm on Friday and exited at 7pm tonight."

That sounds standard. Weekend sub. I would hate to be Isaac after my very telling lunch on Friday. I doubt he'll be able to sit for a week.

"I've been able to…secure one of the tellers at the bank to alert me when she or this red head show up and I've got two guys in the area who can mobilize immediately. Than Zurich account is problematic though. I can't get any information whatsoever on it."

"Barney's tried to hack in?"

"Sir the NSA couldn't hack into their system. He's put a filter on her email addresses, the ones we know about at least, so that any electronic correspondence will be blind copied to us. He's also set a filter on the emails going in and out of Esclava's wifi so if she has a hidden account, we can still find it."

"Excellent. I want this, Welch."

"Sir."

I upload the pictures from this weekend onto my computer, studying each one that I've taken of Anastasia. She looks so healthy, so young and vibrant, so beautiful in each one but there's one picture that stands out above the rest.

It's taken from behind but she's laughing, her head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth wide open. In it she's in the middle of cutting something, the knife still in her hand as her knees bend. I have no idea what we were laughing at because the sight of her in that white dress, barefoot on my boat, cooking and laughing stopped time for me. When I'm 100 I'll remember her like this. Happy. Carefree. Joyful.

"Mr. Brindisi, Christian Grey."

"Mr. Grey, what a pleasant surprise. I hope all is well with the pieces and your girlfriend was pleased."

"She was, they looked beautiful on her. I'd like to start looking into designing an engagement ring. Flawless diamond, emerald or square cut, nothing less than three carats, platinum band. We'll design the wedding bands together."

"Mr. Grey, let me be the first to say congratulations on finding_ the one._ I will begin to search immediately, finding a three carat flawless is going to take some time."

"Please do let me know the minute you find one."

Ana strolls in just then in one of my t-shirts and brings me a steaming cup of tea.

"I thought I told you to go to bed." She rolls her eyes and puts the mug on the desk.

"I thought I was 22 and old enough to put myself to bed." She sips her tea, my heart rate returning to normal, I don't think she heard any of that last phone call. "I missed you." Three little words but they do so much to me.

"You did?"

"I always miss you when you're not with me. Are you going to work much longer?" I puff out some air and tug at my hair taking stock of what needs my attention.

"I've got about an hour if I rush it."

That delectable bottom lip juts out when she pouts and damn if that isn't the cutest thing I've ever seen.

"I'm going to go in the library and read then if that's ok with you."

"Why wouldn't it be ok? I want you to be totally comfortable here, Ana. I don't want you to ask me for permission, I just want you to do what you want."

Fuck that smile just melts me.

"OK." Before she shuts the door she turns and blows me a kiss, disappearing into the hallway as I fall back into my chair. She annihilates everything I ever thought I knew about myself.

Andrea has sent over a courier with documents for me to sign and the first one makes me giddy. It's the notarized copy of my business dissolution agreement with Elena Lincoln and the Esclava Chain of Salons and Spas. I sign my name with a black pen and a flourish. Good fucking riddance.

Her signature haunts me, staring back at me its blue ink coming from a pen she had to have touched. How did this happen? How did I allow myself to get sucked into business with her? How did I let her find and train my subs for me? How did I not see what we did as wrong? And how the fuck did I not see that she was still controlling me, infiltrating every aspect of my life and choking out any chance I had at happiness?

I had seen happiness in the lives of people around me. Idiots, I thought when people fell in love or got married. Love is for fools, weak individuals who were afraid of being alone. Giving your heart to someone else to care for? How was that even possible? It was a question I spent little time contemplating. I was fine with my life.

Work out, work, dinner, work, sleep. Occasionally mixing that up with fucking some woman with whom I had close to zero personal interaction. Physically the weekends fulfilled a biological need and offered the control over another human that I needed. It was enough. Until Ana came along and assassinated every single thing that I found safety in.

With nothing more than a smile, a giggle and the bite of her lip she took my preconceived notions on love and human connection and made me the fool. No matter how hard I tried to put her in that submissive box or even the one just for sex, it was always more than that with her.

She's in the library, just as she said. Her tea is cooled in the mug that she's used every morning since she started staying here. I don't know where it came from but it's not from here, that much I know. The oversized black mug has a picture of Darth Vader on it along with the Star Wars logo. Every morning she seeks it out while Gail gets breakfast plated.

She's sleeping, curled up on the couch with a book, 'Russka', by Edward Rutherfurd. My phone is in my pocket and like an addict, I take it out and take a picture of her sitting on the couch with the blanket over her knees, a book open on her lap. Absolutely adorable. _Unbearably_ adorable.

"I can walk." She mutters when I scoop her up to carry her to my room.

"Shhh. Go back to sleep." She buries her head into my chest, right up against the place that until recently I had always thought of as empty.

"My mug! I need it for the morning."

"I'll let Gail know it's in here. Come on, bed for you." In the bedroom we brush our teeth and then she ushers me out to pee. The bed is cold and huge without her in it. "Hurry up!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Hold your Cheerios and chillax." Watching her walk to my, _our_ bed in just my t-shirt comforts me beyond anything I've ever known. _Soak it in, Grey. One day she's going to realize she can do better. Soak it in now._

"Chillax? Is that in the same grammar family as amazeballs?"

"Yes." Instead of walking to her side of the bed she crawls over me, lifting the blanket so that I feel her skin brush over me. I'd fuck her again in a heartbeat but I'm pretty sure she's way past wanting to have sex right now.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're weird?"

Her ass nestles into the bend of my lap, my arm wrapping around her belly, the other sliding under her neck she just gives me an "Mmmm-Hmmm. Goodnight."

"Wait, one more thing. Where did you get that mug that you always drink out of?"

"I've always had it, probably since I first moved back in with Ray. Star Wars is one of my favorites and for some reason, I always felt bad for Vader, I could always connect with him." She snuggles in deeper and sighs sleepily.

"You're a lot like him. Orphaned, adopted by loving parents, raised to be a good human being and then one person comes along and takes advantage of your insecurities, exploits them and uses you for their own gain. But in the end, he does the right thing and saves the person that he loves." My heart is in my throat, the accuracy of her portrayal is startlingly parallel to my own life thus far. She yawns and pulls me even closer.

"But there are two differences between you and Vader. You were never evil, just confused and angry. And I'm no Padme. I will take down the Emperor for you, just wait and see."

* * *

**Authors Note: If you don't get the Star Wars references, watch Episode 3 and then the last three movies if you can. If not, Wiki Vaders life and it lays it all out for you. Also, check out my profile page for the link to my pinterest page. I also wrote a one-shot called 'Hot and Bothered' if you're interested in reading it. And finally, thank you all so much for your encouragement! You're the best!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Authors note: Hi guys, I have to thank you all again for your investment in this story and for your encouragement whether it be through reviews, follows or favorites. A guest asked why CG wanted only a three carat ring. I'd respond directly but I can't unless you're logged in. He asked for a flawless diamond, _no less_ than three carats. A flawless three carat diamond is worth five times more than a good quality 10 carat diamond and is nearly impossible to find. CG is only out for the best, plus, Ana is clearly not impressed with wealth. Hope that answers your question. Glad so many of you liked the spanking...I'm more of a tie me up kind of girl myself!**

* * *

**APOV**

"Good morning, Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey."

"Good morning, Jacqueline." I admit, she's gotten to be much nicer in the last few days, enough so that I picked her and Andrea up coffee on my way in. They're both surprised when I put the cups on their desks but Jacqueline especially seems stunned. I'm just happy the paparazzi have backed off enough for me to be able to get Starbucks on my own again.

In my office the work is piled high and there are no less than 27 voice mails I need to return. I don't dare open my email, I've a good idea of how many I have just by the constant vibration of my phone when I finally turned it back on from the weekend.

"Excuse me, Ms. Steele?" Jacqueline walks in with her tablet and a day planner.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Grey wanted me to plan out the Rome trip with you. He said that you'd be there for three days on business and that he'd like to extend the visit two more nights, three days as a mini vacation for the two of you. I thought it'd be easier if we planned it together since you have a much better idea of what kind of time frame you'll need for each meeting. I have the attendee list and topic for each one but no real idea as to how long is necessary."

"Oh, sure, come in. We're going to Rome?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey said you wanted to hold the sit downs there." Wow, I did say that. And he just made it happen with the flick of his wrist. _Does that make him powerful, or me?_

"Right. OK then. Let me just shoot back this report to the acquisitions team and I'll give you my undivided attention."

Once we begin it becomes clear to me just how tough her and Andrea's jobs must be. They need to coordinate not only with Christian and his demand for perfection but also that of the rest of his staff, the management and staff of any company he's dealing with, countless employees vying for his attention and the nightmare of logistics when planning international business.

"Jacqueline!" Andrea's sharp voice startles us both, she looks pissed. "I told you to plan it, not waste her day."

"Oh, it's so much easier this way, Andrea. I'd much rather be involved, it makes it that much less intimidating. Do you need her for anything? If you don't, I think we only need another half hour or so."

Both of them are surprised but Andrea recovers quickly and smiles. "No, just hurry back when you're finished so that we can get the logistics team to book the travel."

Jacqueline lays her tablet down and gives me a sad smile.

"I'm really sorry for how rude I was when first got here." Well, this is unexpected.

"It's over and not a big deal."

"Thank you. Have you seen the pictures of you yet from that art show you went to?"

"No." I say warily. "What pictures?"

"On TMZ, someone in the gallery had a camera I guess and took some pictures of you and Mr. Grey. You look amazing." She must see the alarm on my face because she rushes on with wide eyes. "It was all good, nobody had a bad thing to say from what I read. Most of the comments were about how pretty you looked."

"I'll have to check them out later. Does Chris, I mean, Mr. Grey know?"

"Well I heard him yelling at Debra in PR so I'm assuming yes. Did you really meet him on a blind date?"

"No, that was something the press made up. Anyway, let's get this done, I don't want Andrea upset with us."

* * *

"Ana, hey, did you see the pictures yet?"

"Yes, I just logged on."

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea someone would be there and would take advantage of the situation. Should I call Christian to apologize?"

"Jose, how could you possibly have known this was going to happen? Besides," I say, angling my head to study the one of me and Christian laughing with Elliot, "I think I look half decent."

"You do. I can't even tell you how crazed my phone lines have been asking to purchase the portraits of you." A pit opens in my stomach.

"People want to buy them? Of me?" He laughs and says something to Rachel in the background.

"Yes but they can't, I sold them all along with the negatives, rejects and rights on Thursday night." Wait. What?

"Someone bought them all? Oh my god, he did didn't he? That's why he disappeared for so long."

"The guy is crazy about you and even crazier at the idea of someone else owning a piece of you."

"I know, trust me. Hey, do you guys want to come over for dinner on Thursday? I was thinking of asking a few other people too." I want to see my friends but my real motivation is twofold. I want to get Christian comfortable with my other relationships, fear of the unknown is a big factor in his jealousy and I know that if he just sees me with Jose and Ethan that those fears can be laid to rest.

I also want to make that place a home, give it some life, add some vibrancy to it. The birthday party we had for Christian was the first time he'd had people over like that and to me, that's sad. He has all that space and keeps it empty and foreboding.

I make the one minute walk to Christian's office and enter without knocking when Andrea tells me he's alone.

"Hi, baby."

He looks up, a pencil in one hand, one behind each of his ears and one in his mouth.

"Four?"

"Five." He says and picks one up from his desk. "They're different colors, helps me to organize these charts a bit better. What do you need?" He pats his lap and I happily skip over to him and sit, throwing my arms around his neck.

"Mmmm, I like having you so close." His arms wrap and hold me closer, nuzzling into my neck in response. "Anyway, I wanted to have a few friends over, including Elliot and Mia on Thursday night for dinner. Would that be alright with you?"

He pulls back and studies my face.

"Would that make you happy?" I nod and smile. "Then that sounds great. What do I need to do?"

"Need to do?"

"Yea, to have people over, what do I do? I've never done it before." He's embarrassed so I play it cool like it's no big deal that something so benign is unusual to him.

"Oh nothing special. I'll make dinner with Gail's help. Do you think you could pick out the wine? I'll let you know what I'm making once I figure it out."

He grins, satisfied with my cavalier attitude and at having a job to do. It hits me, we're having people over as a couple. _We're a couple!_

Back in my office I fire off an email to everyone and within minutes I hear back from everyone, including Christian, all enthusiastically saying yes. When my phone rings I expect it to be my mom, nobody else really calls me at the office but instead it's Elliot.

"Ana. You gotta tell me. What the hell did you do with my brother?" I laugh.

"What are you talking about?"

"He responded with a smiley face. What the fuck is that about? I spent all of Saturday with my mom and she was basically floating, talking about how amazing it's been to have her son back. Which, by the way, is a crock, he's _never_ been like this. I don't know what you're up to, but you better not stop, I've been waiting for this for 25 years." I hear the catch in his voice, all trace of humor gone from it.

"I will, Elliot. I love him, I'm not going anywhere. I'll see you tonight?"

"Yup. Moms making lasagna, I wouldn't miss it!" I hang up and do my best to control the shake of my hands.

Lasagna. How utterly ridiculous that a food can bring on such panic. How do I get out of this? I can't go and not eat and there is no way in hell I can eat lasagna. The sight of it makes me want to vomit.

"Kate."

"Hey, oh my god, did you see the pictures? You look afuckingmazing. Thanks for the limo by the way, we took the long way home."

"Right, I did, thanks. And, um, good for you. Anyway, Grace is serving lasagna for dinner."

"Well shit." Her silence means she's thinking so I wait for her to come up with a solution. "Will there be salad? Bread? We can do this, Steele, we can totally handle this. Sit next to me and I'll take pieces off of your plate so it looks like you're eating."

"Kate, this is so embarrassing." My head falls into my hand and the stinging sensation of tears runs over my eyelids.

"No, Ana, it's not. You have a shitty ass mother who fucked you up and you're working through that. She's the one who should be embarrassed. Now, I'll make sure we're next to each other, just pile up any sides and let me worry about the rest, OK?"

I breathe deeply and relax my shoulders. Kate is always my little cheer leader. Nobody but she, Jose and now Dr. Fischer know about the reason why I can't eat it.

"Thanks, Kate. Onto better things, what did you think of the pictures?"

* * *

"Nervous, baby?" Christian reaches over and squeezes my hand as we pull into the driveway of the Grey's mansion.

"I am. I don't know why, your parents have always been so nice and I've been here before. It's just that now that we're together, I feel like I have to prove myself to them." He parks the Spyder behind Elliot's identical one and turns my face towards him.

"Ana, you don't have to prove yourself to anybody. Come on, I've never brought a girl home, my mom and Mia are probably peeking behind the curtains right now."

He couldn't have been too far off because both of them are right there in the foyer when he opens the door, hugging first me and then Christian. His mom lingers when she holds him, trying to make up lost time no doubt and my heart breaks a little for her and for me. What is that like? To have a mother love you like that?

"I love love _love_ that dress, Ana. You have the cutest little body. I'd love to go shopping with you. Have you met Caroline Acton yet?" I shoot Christian a quizzical look and he laughs.

"My mom and Mia go to her as well. The Grey's are her biggest account, she'd probably fall dead if you and Mia went in together. Actually, you still need to do that."

I'm still unsure how I feel about him buying me a wardrobe or any clothes for that matter. It makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of his wealth or something and even though I know _he_ doesn't feel that way, _I_ do. Plus, I hate the fact that he bought his ex-subs clothes from her.

Kate and Elliot come walking out and he bear hugs me, bending me backwards and growling playfully.

"Alright, get the fuck off her, Elliot. Damn it!" Elliot just laughs and pats his arm.

"Chill out, I'm your _brother_." It doesn't matter to Christian though. His grey eyes go from clear to stormy in an instant. He pulls me by my hand close to him and walks towards the living room where Ethan and Carrick are having a conversation.

"Ana! So lovely to see you again, I'm so pleased you could make it." His father kisses my cheek and then shakes Christian's hand. I can feel, actually _feel_ his eyes on me when I hug Ethan hello.

"Hey kid, you got some sun. Looks good, makes those freckles come out!" Christian stiffens and pulls me next to him again but Ethan just prattles on about Bermuda and how excited he is. Mia is definitely going with him but even the mention of his sister shacking up with a man doesn't pull Christian away from the anger he's holding onto.

"Would you excuse us for just a moment?" They waive us off and I move into the dining room, greeting Gretchen as she finishes setting the table. She's polite but I worry that she might poison me, she is clearly into the man staring at me with carnal heat right now.

"Christian."

"They touched you, Ana. They touched what's mine." Oh boy.

"Yes, your brother and your sister's boyfriend, who is a longtime friend of mine, hugged me hello." His hands relax and run through his hair, his face marginally relaxing as he studies me.

"I don't like it when anyone touches you. It…unnerves me." My hand strokes the stubble of his face, enjoying the rasp on my fingertips and he leans into me as I knew he would.

"OK, well, if you get the urge to hit someone, just remember this." I lift his hand between us and push up the cuffed sleeve so he can read the small printed words on his skin.

**'You are gentle.'**

It helps but only marginally. His eyes soften a bit and the line between across his forehead disappears.

"Just, just try to keep them away from you." His voice is tight with effort and irritation.

"You're the only one, Christian." He relaxes and breathes out, taking a wine glass from the table and pouring us a glass. Turning to me, he raises it.

"To forever being the only one." _Forever?_

Kate and Grace come in just then to announce that dinner is ready and with a quick glance Kate points me to the seat in the middle of the table. 'There' she mouths and I move to it, Christian following me to sit next to me.

Gretchen passes the platter of Caprese around followed by marinated mushrooms and peppers. I'm firmly tucked into my appetizers when a voice I know well interrupts with a very shrill, "Oh!"

"Elena! What a pleasant surprise! Join us!" Holy fucking mother of shit she's here. With Grace. My stomach twists and turns as incendiary heat falls from my ears to my toes.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Christian stands and bellows next to me as all eyes widen and turn to him. He doesn't notice at all.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey! What in the world are you thinking?" Grace is stunned, as we all are by his outburst. I can feel him shaking next to me and notice for the first time that Elliot is standing as well. "Elliot, sit back down. Christian!"

"It's alright, Grace, Christian and I are having some work issues but we'll work them out as we _always_ do." She stresses the word always and lets her eyes rest on me. "Oh, hello Anastasia, how lovely to see you again."

"Get out." He says once more. Carrick stands then and walks to Christian, tapping his shoulder and asking him to leave the room. Christian stands and stares but makes no move to leave.

"Christian, surely we can share a meal with family? You know how happy it makes your mother when we're all together." _Family?_ She thinks of herself as family? She's pulling that bullshit in front of his parents? _Fuck this noise._

My hand creeps up and holds his, a momentary pause to his anger. Slowly I rise and look at her, sliding my hand from his wrist, up his arm, across his chest and up to his neck, pulling him close to me. There is a gasp when his family sees me touch him and I see the slight widening of Elena's eyes.

"Baby," I say softly and quietly. "Let's enjoy our dinner. We can deal with business later." His jaw is locked, his fists clenched, his shoulders shaking but he turns to me and blinks. "Dinner now, business later." I lean in and whisper, "Maybe she'll choke and die so we can watch." He laughs and kisses me, sitting down with a thud.

"I apologize mom, dad, Elliot, Kate, Mia, Ethan. Forgive me." He purposefully names everyone but Elena. It does not go unnoticed but Grace only exchanges looks with Carrick. Gretchen sets a place for Elena next to Grace, across from us so that she's directly across from me.

I feel Christian's hand settle on my thigh and squeeze, I'm not sure if he wants to reassure me or himself. That bitch doesn't take her eyes off of us even when she holds conversations with Grace about some charity luncheon they're attending on Saturday. There are so many ways to heal this broken man trembling next to me but the one that I know is love. The very thing that the pedophile across the table told him didn't exist.

So that's where I'll start. She told him he can't be loved? I'll prove otherwise. She told him he was incapable of love? I'll prove otherwise. She told him love was painful? I'll prove otherwise. I will stand up and represent everything she told him he couldn't have and I'll give it to him freely.

I lean over and rest my head on his bicep, kissing him over his shirt. He looks down and smiles, kissing my nose quickly before feeding me a mushroom from his fork.

Normally, this over the top romantic stuff makes me want to hurl but right now, she's lucky I'm not straddling him. I kiss him again and hand Gretchen my appetizer plate, turning to Kate to make sure she's remembered. She gives me a curious look and then smiles, shifting her eyes to Elena.

"You know?" she says quietly.

"Know what?" My heart is racing, how does Kate know? Does that mean Elliot does as well? Is that why he was so mad when she walked in?

"What she said about you? To Grace and Carrick?" _What?_ "You don't know! I told Elliot I needed to tell you. Damn him!"

She cuts herself a small piece of lasagna and then puts an equally small slice on my plate.

"Tell me what?" She waves me off, we're starting to draw attention with our whispering. "Later." I say over the rim of my glass and she nods, taking a bite and raving about how good it is.

"What was that about?" Christian leans in to ask me.

"Something that Elena said about me to your parents. Do you know anything about it?" Before he can answer Carrick stands to offer a toast.

"A toast, to Kate, Anastasia and Ethan. There is no greater reward for a parent than to see their children happy and in love. Cheers!" Well, I couldn't have written that better myself. Elena doesn't even pick up her glass.

"Ana, Christian tells me that you speak nine languages! That's impressive, how did that all come about?"

"Twelve, mom, I forgot that she's proficient in a few more." I'm sweating my blush is so deep. Kate nudges me to start talking.

"Oh, just picked it up here and there. I've always had an ear for dialects and then took some classes when I was 15. I immersed myself in them and then started listening to foreign radio broadcasts. I minored in linguistics so I studied in depth during college."

"And what did you major in then?"

"English Literature." I take a bite of salad in hopes that the conversation will turn to someone else, anyone else.

"My, quite the little bookworm then aren't you?" Elena offers. Kate sits up straighter as does Christian but I just set my fork down and smile, patting the edges of my mouth daintily but never taking my eyes off of hers.

"Yes, I love to read. I'm particularly interested in criminal justice books right now." Her face freezes and my heart jumps into my throat. Christian tenses next to me and then chuckles, shaking his head and eating his pasta with a smile.

"Really? Well I can answer any questions you may have then." Carrick is thrilled to be talking about his field and the pit in my stomach grows deeper as I see the depth of secrecy that she's managed to blanket this family in. Time for the kill.

My hand snakes behind his back and rubs in small circles the very places nobody has ever been allowed to touch. Her lids slant shut and she rises, her plate still full in front of her.

"If you'll excuse me, I've got an appointment to get to. Grace, I'll see you on Saturday. Thank you all." She's still staring at us when Christian decides to play along and raises a small bite of lasagna to my lips.

If there was ever a time to get over something, this is it._ It's just pasta, it's just pasta, it's just pasta._ Kate watches next to me as I open my mouth with a sweet smile and eat it all. Her hand flies to my hip in support but I don't need it. It tastes delicious and just like that, thanks to Elena fucking Lincoln I'm one step closer to closing the door on my fears.

* * *

**CPOV**

There is a sick satisfaction I get when I see Ana crawl out of bed and stretch her back. She's walking as if she rode a horse all weekend and while I don't _want_ her in pain, I'm pretty damn satisfied with myself. The irony of my own soreness isn't lost on me though. I'm not sure exactly which act it was that tweaked my lower back but I feel it the second my feet hit the floor.

"You ok?" She asks as she towel dries her hair in nothing more than a short silk robe. _If I lay back down and she rides me it shouldn't affect my back too much…_

One step towards her changes my mind.

"I'm not sure. Whatever you did with your mouth made me so tense that my back hurts." She's concerned but I laugh. "Can't say that's ever happened to me before." She snorts, quite unladylike and points to me.

"Now you know how I feel every morning." Yea, sore but satisfied. I'll take a back twitch any day of the week if it means getting a blow job like the one she gave me yesterday.

At breakfast Taylor calls Bastille for a stretching session while Ana smirks at me over her yogurt and granola. I have to laugh when she takes my hand and in a fine tip black marker writes on my wrist upside down so that I can read it.

"Gentle? I think you may have that one wrong. Between your gait and my back, gentleness may be a trait we need to work on together."

She slides up to me, that soft feminine scent of hers that I've learned is just her, not a perfume or a body wash, just the softness of Ana, washes over me. _Mine._

"You _are_ gentle with me. Your words, your protection," she trails a finger from my knee to my hip. "your love making. I love when you make gentle love to me. Only I get that, no one else ever has."

"Yes, only ever you. Another thing just for ourselves. Come here, let's have a little gentle time right now." She tosses those bouncy brown curls back and giggles.

"No, and don't think you can fuck and duck me again today." Tossing my hands up in resignation I grin back. That's a mistake I won't be making again.

"Wouldn't dream of it. Well, I'll dream of it but I won't do it."

* * *

"You have a meeting with the external auditors at 10 and a call with Bill Gates at 11. Most pressing is the security issue off the coast of Somalia, Mr. Frederick is waiting for your call. I also need to start planning the trip for the sit down with the Chinese, have you decided on a place yet?"

"Rome. Ana's decided. Schedule three days for business and another two for vacation for just she and I. Keep the jet in Rome, she and I will take it home, the others will need to get a commercial flight."

"I'll need Ms. Steele to assist with translations when I speak to my counterpart."

"That's what she was hired for, Andrea."

"Yes, sir. Anything else? Your lunch order or will you be going out?"

"Call Steve Jeffries and tell him to be here at one. We'll have lunch in room four. I want Ros and Gary Davis in, regular spread. Tell him I want this deal closed by the end of business Thursday, I'm sick of waiting on his board of directors."

"Andrea, good morning."

"Oh! Mr. Bastille, I'm sorry I don't have you on the schedule for this morning." Andrea looks alarmed, it's rare that she and Taylor don't communicate but she's the best there is, immediately asking if he'd like something to drink.

"No thanks, just here for a few minutes to work out some kinks in the old man." Once she leaves he shuts the door and leans against it. "You've got to tell me what you're doing man. I've been married long enough where I could use some new information." Not a fucking chance will I be talking about Ana in any sexual context to anyone.

"Just tell me what to do about this pull. I've got less than 20 minutes before my next appointment gets here and I can't be limping around."

"Yea, yea, thanks for the help. Take off your belt and get on the floor on your back."

* * *

"Well, as of yet we can't find anything untoward in her files, she's well informed on current accounting laws and followed all transaction ledgers to the letter. We've got about six months more to go through but as of yet, we've found nothing of concern."

Well thank fuck for that. An audible sigh of relief escapes me much to their surprise and mine.

"You've brought reports on what you've done so far?"

The younger of the two auditors hands me a stack of papers covered in typed numbers and chicken scratch.

"On paper? What is it with you auditors?" First Tony Lain and now these idiots. "What the fuck are we in, 1983?"

"It's habit I guess. We'll have our final reports on a flash drive, we expect to have everything completed by next Friday." Next Friday, by then I'll know whether Agnes Perkins and her golden dicked lover are going to be the end of all I've worked so hard for.

As soon as they leave I try to look over their work but it's such a cluster fuck of bullshit I don't even know where to start. I'm grateful for Ana's interruption, anytime she spends with me is a gift but when she slides that warm body onto my lap I just about hear the angels sing. _How did I live so long without her?_

She wants to have people over. As a couple. In my apartment. I need to call Gail, this surely means that she's beginning to see my apartment as hers as well.

"Would that make you happy?"

I would do anything, _anything_ to keep that smile on her face. Dinner with a few friends and my siblings, easy. I am thrilled beyond words when I get a group email from her while I'm on my call with Bill Gates.

**To: Grey, Christian; Grey, Elliot; Kavanagh, Katherine; Grey, Mia; Kavanagh, Ethan; Rodriguez, Jose; Graham, Rachel; Stamper, Missy; Crawford, Logan**

**From: Anastasia Steele**  
**June 27, 2011 11:09AM**  
**Re: Dinner Party**

**Hi all,**  
**Christian and I would like to have you all over on Thursday for a casual dinner party at 7p. Please RSVP so that we can figure out food and wine. We'll see you Thursday!**

'Christian _and_ I'. _'We_ can figure out food and wine'. _'We'll_ see you Thursday'.

If Gates could see me he'd call the crazy police immediately. My cheeks hurt I'm grinning so hard. I can't believe I almost missed out on this. How stupid was I to ever think I could walk away from her? I respond all, so happy that I do one of those stupid smiley things Mia does in every single text and email she sends to me.

Within seconds my phone rings, Elliot's number flashing. I hit ignore and focus back to what Gates and I were speaking about. His foundation works in the same area as my non-profit, Feed the Nation but his focus is on healthcare and disease prevention. Recently I've convinced him to be more aggressive in the development of his agricultural program as well and he's agreed but wants to work out a distribution system for meds like the one I'm currently using.

"The problem, as you're well aware, is the security factor. Transporting medications and purifying systems throughout rural Africa is becoming increasingly more difficult. I've admired your distribution system for some time and after studying the files and the outline of your current system that you sent to me, I'd like to talk about piggybacking the two organizations as far as the movement of goods goes."

"I'm open to that, you'd have to provide workers who know what they're shipping out and know how to teach the villagers though. My people are locals, not professionals and I can't take on that kind of liability."

"Understood and agreed. We'll split security costs down the middle. It's a win/win for you." He's right, halving my security costs on the ground in Africa will save close to nine million dollars a year, money that can be reallocated to other programs.

"I'll have Burt Whalen call your head of legal and get the paperwork started."

My call with Jamodo Frederick isn't as cut and dry. There is a major problem with pirates, _fucking pirates_ in the waters off of Somalia. I have two shipyards there and both of them take in a considerable amount of food not to mention all of the business my ships are responsible for getting in and out of port.

"Sir, there was another attempted takeover today. Not one of our ships but near one of your yards."

"What do you suggest?"

"We need at least 10 more hired guns on each ship and another 20 at each yard. You have to understand that the pirates here are killing people, this isn't something to take lightly. Already I've heard reports of them mapping out delivery routes for our ships."

"Hire whoever you need then. Trained men who aren't trigger happy. I don't want to be responsible for any deaths Jamodo."

* * *

All in all I feel it was a good day and having Ana in her ultra-demure white lace dress sitting next to me in my car feels so right. I'm bringing a girl over for dinner. My mom must have confirmed three times since last night and then she had Mia check as well.

Things are going well until my brother all but tackles her to the ground, pressing each inch of her against him. My vision goes red and if he weren't related, I'd have killed him on the spot. No one can know about the hidden secrets of her body, no one can know how good she feels in their arms. The temptation is too great and besides, nobody touches what's mine.

Elliot groping her is bad enough but when Ethan fucking Kavanagh puts his paws on her she has to take me out of the room to keep from knocking him out. Only Ana's quiet confirmation in the dining room soothes me. _Only me._ Every time I hear it I want to shout and fist pump. Only I have ever seen her naked, only I have seen her writhe in pleasure, only I have been inside her mouth or her pussy, only I have seen her come, only I have left my semen in and on her. If I get my way, and I will, it will only _ever_ be me.

I can tell my mother is beyond happy to have all three of us, with our significant others, at the same dinner table. Even I admit it feels great to be sitting here as one big happy family. Until fucking goddamn Elena Lincoln shows up.

What the fuck is she doing showing her face around here? Cold realization hits me. _She came to ask for more money,_ the loans are all due by Wednesday now that our business is officially dissolved. I don't care how rude I appear or how pissed my mother gets. Flynn and Ana have finally, _finally_ made me see just how damaging she was to me and even though I don't see her involvement as horrific as they do, I acknowledge that it was less than positive.

I need to go, I need to get her out of here and then I need to get Anastasia back into the safety of my home where nobody can harm her. Having Ana and Elena in the same space is sucking the air right out of my lungs.

My eyes fall and focus on the pin Elena is wearing. It's of a tiny hummingbird, the eyes ruby red and the wings covered in tiny sapphires. She wore it the first day she fucked me and then made it a habit to wear it for the 'firsts'. The first time she brought someone else in, the first time she loaned me out, the first time she let me fuck her ass, the first time she subbed for me. I feel sick to my stomach, her wearing that is no accident.

Just when I feel the burn of my rage reach a fever pitch, a soft hand strokes up my arm and weaves over my belly and chest, tugging at my neck and coaxing the anger right out of me. I know it's Ana for no other reason than that it feels good and leaves no pain in its wake.

"Maybe she'll choke and die so we can watch." Once again she catches me totally off guard and pulls me from the wild swing of my mood back to center. From murderous rage to laughter in seconds, only Ana can do that to me. My hand finds her thigh and grips it. How this angel is sitting beside me knowing what I've done with the demon in front of us is beyond me and I'm so afraid she'll bolt from this table that I physically hold here there.

When Elena addresses Ana directly I almost lunge across the table. I'd managed, for my mother's sake, to keep things as civil as possible. I could feel the tension at the table lingering after my initial outburst but tension from me isn't new to my family. It's a sad revelation.

"Yes, I love to read. I'm particularly interested in criminal justice books right now." Holy shit, did she just challenge her head on? The thinly veiled threat is known only to three people at this table but Ana, with one dab of her mouth and one single line of dialogue cuts the legs right out from under Elena. I've never seen her so eager to leave somewhere.

Before she does though Ana hits back one more time by touching me in places that Elena begged, for years, to be able to touch. I've known her since I was four and yet this woman next to me has been in my life for two months and is allowed to touch me everywhere. I can see the hatred in her eyes as she watches us and to add insult to injury I feed Ana, a loving gesture I'm sure that bitch finds repulsive.

Once she's gone the table gets silent and all eyes turn to me. Even Gretchen is waiting by the door to see what she should do next. I continue eating as if nothing is wrong and in some ways, nothing is wrong. The bitch is gone and my family is together.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey. I raised you better than that. She is my dearest friend, how could you embarrass me like that?" My mom is next to tears and I hear Ana's breath when my mom's words hit her._ Dearest friend._ I'm a sick, sick fuck.

"It's complicated mom. I'm sorry I upset you, I should have pulled her aside but I wasn't aware she was coming at all, it caught me off guard." Ana rests her hand on my leg and I find my center again.

"Caught off guard or not, that was completely uncalled for and extraordinarily rude. I expect you to handle business like that privately next time." In typical Carrick fashion he raises his eyes at me like I'm a child and continues eating, motioning for Gretchen to pour us all more wine.

"I have news!" Mia pipes up in an obvious attempt to cut the tension.

"Thank fuck for that, what is it kid?" My mom swats Elliot's arm and points her fork at him. "Sorry, mom."

"I was hired as an apprentice catering manager at the Washington State Convention Center." Mia? Working? I had always assumed the cookery school was more of a way for her to waste time. She's a smart girl but I've never thought of her as actually working. My gaze drifts to Ethan and I can see by the way he smiles at her that this was at his prodding. I'm impressed, he's got a work ethic and wants her to have one as well.

Thankfully the conversation shifts in that direction and stays that way. I listen to her plans and note that there is no mention of Ethan moving to the East Coast like he had originally planned.

"Ana, there was a notice in the mail box today when I went to check on the apartment. You've got a bin of mail at the post office, so much that you need to come in to pick it up. I wasn't sure if you knew that."

Fuck! The fuckers know where she lives now. That settles it, she'll never stay in that apartment again.

"Sawyer is back in the morning, he can pick it up on the way to your office. I'd like it if my mail room could go through it first though, you're bound to get some crazies and I'd like to take the same precautions with you that I do with myself."

"You get crazy people that mail you things?" Elliot laughs and leans forward to speak to her.

"He probably gets three pair of panties a week! Not to mention marriage proposals, naked pictures, sex letters,"

"Enough! Nobody here wants to hear about that shit, Elliot." Fucking idiot. He shrugs but continues anyway.

"What do you do with all that shit anyway?" The table turns to look at me, everyone, including Ana is waiting. I sigh as if this is the biggest annoyance I deal with.

"The mailroom forwards any threats onto Welch who looks into them. Everything else is scanned and documented in case there's a need in the future to refer to a letter. The…clothing items and such are incinerated along with the daily trash. I don't see the letters, ever. I'm not interested, I have no idea who sends them but I know they're fodder for the security crew who have to track some of the senders down."

Kate rolls her eyes and sips her wine. I wonder if Elliot spanks her for doing that. If he doesn't, I'd like to but it has nothing to do with sex when it comes to her.

"Well, I, for one, think that's craziness that you need a team of people to read mail because there are so many crazy women out there. Ana, he's right, you shouldn't be going through the mail." Well fuck me, Ms. Kavanagh, you just moved up a notch.

On the way out to the car a few hours later Elliot corners me while Kate and Ana make plans for Thursday night. I try to listen in, I don't need Kate telling Anastasia about what Elena has been saying about her.

"So what's the deal with you and Mrs. Lincoln?"

"What do you mean, Elliot?" I act bored but inside my heart is beating like a trip hammer.

"That was more than a business deal gone wrong and I'd chalk it up to what she said to mom and dad about Ana but you started severing ties with her weeks before that. Plus I know that you've had lunch with her for years and that those have stopped as well. Now look, I know you have your hand in a shitload of different businesses but you don't have weekly lunches with the owners of them. Now this outburst tonight? What gives?"

He's on to something, being with a reporter has peaked his awareness apparently. No fucking way am I telling him about me and Elena though. He's always found it odd that I was friendly with her at functions but it was always done in teasing, this conversation is him digging.

"Nothing, she crossed the line spreading lies about Anastasia and before that she was just a bitch. I'll see you Thursday."

In the car I break. I've walked a tight wire with my anxiety since we first sat down for dinner and Elliot's questions just push me over the edge. Ana sits and crosses her legs towards me, running her hand over the back of my head as we drive home in silence. It soothes me enough that by the time we pull into Escala I'm able to breathe deeply without it feeling like a vise is around my chest.

The minute I open her door for her I hug her tightly to me and she molds to me, pliable and warm against me, soaking up the stress of the night. I don't let her go during the quick elevator ride nor do I put her down in the foyer. It's only when we're in the grand room that her feet touch the floor again.

"Well that was interesting." She sits with a huff on the white sofa and I join her, a laugh bouncing out of my chest at her choice of words. _Interesting_ is quite the understatement. "Will you put the fire on?"

"A fire? It's June!" She sighs and slumps her shoulders. "OK, a fire it is." Once it's started I lean back and watch her. She's pensive, clearly thinking about the night and the complications that my life has brought to hers. "Talk to me, Ana. I can't have you upset on top of everything else."

Her smile calms me right away. "I'm not upset with you, Christian. I'm just trying to figure all of this out in my head. I hadn't thought about having to see her in the context of family time and that just, it, well, it floored me. To be sitting there with her and see her touch your mom's hand." A shiver runs though her and I pull her on top of me to warm her. "It made me sick."

Her head lays down on my chest, both of us watching the flames flicker in front of us. I have no idea what to say. I really had never thought about my mom's friendship with Elena but now it's all I think about. Until they're not friends, this will always be an issue I'll have to contend with. My own betrayal of my parents strangles me and I must gasp because she sits up and looks at me.

"Christian, can I ask you something?" Oh fuck, that never ends well. I nod slowly but raise my brows in warning. I am not talking about ex-subs right now. "What do you want with your family? As far as relationships go?" The last part rushes out of her leaving her breathless.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, for years, your whole life really, you've been in a family that very obviously loves you and adores you but you've never really been_ a part_ of them. It's as if you watch from the sidelines, always wanting to play but never feeling good enough to jump in." Air is sucked out of my lungs by her visual. It's exactly the way I feel. "But, as an outsider, I can see that they don't care how good of a player you are, they just want you on their team." I sit straight and cover my face by pulling her close and hiding in the comforting softness of her chest. Sometimes I feel like she has a direct line to my soul but the way she talks to me, the gentleness that she uses to coax me to face up to the hidden emotions I've hidden just destroys me.

"Ana, I'm _not_ good enough. I've _never_ been good enough. From the minute I came into their lives I was dirty, filthy, undeserving, just some unwanted kid who needed taking care of. And then I required so much damn attention between therapy and schooling and later discipline and behavior issues. I finally got my life on track and I still couldn't make eye contact with my parents because of what I was doing behind their backs but they were proud of me, of my grades and my acceptance to Harvard. I was _finally_ not the family fuck up but that's only because they didn't know this huge secret that I was carrying around. I can't let them get too close, I can't risk them finding out about who I am and the things I've done. I can't."

Her hands run through my hair over and over as she holds me like a child. "Shhh. You're wrong. I know it's easy for me to say looking from the outside in but you're wrong. Your family loves you. They _chose_ you. Despite what you think, your mother fell in love with you the minute she laid eyes on you. How many children did she see over the years that had been abused and neglected? Hundreds I bet. But you're the only one she felt an immediate connection with, the only one she took that chance on. Your brother and sister came to her, but you, _she came to you._ That woman adores you, Christian and I'm not a mother so I can't speak on that kind of love but I know, of everybody in your life, she's the one who feels your pain the deepest."

I literally can't breathe right now. Lifting her up and sitting her back down I stand and walk to the window, shoving my hands in my pockets and leaning on the glass. It's raining again, a perfect tribute to the sadness I feel right now.

"Christian, I love you. Part of that love is wanting you to have the happiest life possible. Having real relationships with your family is part of that. I'll never tell your secrets, I'll never force you to tell anyone anything and I'll never get mad at you for your decisions as to what you tell and what you don't but I'd be remiss if I didn't at least encourage you."

Attempting a deep breath fails me, the vise is back, tighter than ever. I don't hear her move from the couch but I feel her arms wrap around me from behind as she presses her face into my back.

"I'll leave you with this. Secrets have strangled your life, they have sucked from you years of happiness, years of healthy relationships and years of memories. Secrets have brought you years of self-doubt, self-loathing and isolation. Until you get rid of them, they'll always hold you back from true freedom."

She's right, I know this. I've known this from the first time I told her about my lifestyle. Just speaking it out loud to someone other than a paid professional felt cathartic, I felt less dirty, less of a freak. But telling my parents about everything? No. I can't. If they rejected me, and I'm sure they would, I couldn't bear it.

"Ana. No more, not tonight." I say it softly against the glass. She tightens her arms around me and nods against my back.

"OK." Slowly she squeezes in front of me, her arms still tight around my waist. "Make love to me, Christian." Yes, _make love._ Not fuck, not have sex. Make love, that is exactly what I want to do.

I don't stop to turn on the light in the bedroom or to shut the light off in the great room. She's the first to be undressed and climbs to the center of the bed, pushing the blankets aside. When her skin touches mine I feel a surge of protectiveness and pull her close enough so that she gasps for breath. She doesn't stop me.

"I just want to be inside of you." The words rush out breathlessly into her mouth. Her eyes are closed but she nods and pulls me down, making room for me between her legs. The second I enter her I cry out, the comfort of her body is a serenity I've never known but have looked for all of my life. My thrusts are long and slow, punctuated by our constant kissing.

I need to feel her beneath me and hear her whispers of reassurance. Her hands run over my back and arms, through my hair and around my neck over and over, all the while she whispers into my mouth.

"You are good. You are kind. You are gentle. You are safe. You are loved."

Not even when she tightens around me and trembles in my arms does she stop and I finish where I started. Still kissing her, still with her hands all over me and her words running through me. She holds me to her with her arms and her legs and keeps whispering until I fall asleep inside of her.

"You are good. You are kind. You are gentle. You are safe. You are loved."


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's note: A few of you didn't remember the lasagna reference. When Morton hit her for the first time her mother continued eating like nothing had happened. In her session with Dr. Fischer, she said, "I still to this day can't eat lasagna." It's a trigger to a painful memory. Also, sclark4-you always review but I can't ever respond to you so I wanted to say thank you! Don't know if you're aware that nobody can pm you but I wanted to let you know that I appreciate your enthusiasm!**

* * *

**APOV**

This is the earliest we've ever gone to bed and certainly the earliest I've ever known Christian to fall asleep. The combination of having that vile creature sitting at a table with me and his family has emotionally drained him. I could _feel_ his confusion on the ride home and when we spoke. He wants to rid himself of her and he wants to let his parents know what their 'friend' is really like but he is the classic victim. He's made her sins his own and has adopted the shame of abuse as his to carry.

It's a painful thing to watch when the man you love, a man who controls a literal empire and has total control in all facets of his life, is brought to a trembling mess with the mere presence of one person. He fought internally all night to keep his anger in check and to keep his emotions from ruining dinner but it was only after we'd begun to make love that he was able to focus and fight back the demons that battle for space in his mind.

His weight is comforting to me, the hot breath of his slumber against my neck a welcomed reminder of his satisfaction. He's put his mind to rest for the night but mine is running wild. Seeing _her_ and what she represents has made me think.

I let him spank me. Hit me. Bend me over his knee and smack me until I was red and sore and then I let him fuck me. _And I loved it._ What does that mean?

Fear surges upwards and I strangle a sob. I've let a man hit me, after all of the work I've done, all of the therapy and self defence I've endured and not only did I let it happen, I asked for it. Actually _wanted_ to be spanked. What does this mean? How is this ok? How do the two reconcile against each other?

I enjoyed it last night. It had been easy to compartmentalize it at the time. This was my boyfriend, a man who loved me and respected me and this was just one more thing in our arsenal of turn-ons that we could share. At first I was unsure but after a few times, it turned me on. I can't deny it and I won't. And that's my biggest issue.

I can see now that spanking can be done safely, sanely and sensually. What I _can't_ understand is why someone like me, who has struggled with issues of physical abuse for years, _wants_ to partake in it?

It had been easy last night to roll over and go to sleep and while I felt marginally embarrassed this morning when he bent me over in the shower and pressed his hands on the red marks as he thrust into me, I also felt empowered and turned on again. _I like being marked by him._

But then I sat across a dinner table from the woman who introduced him to it. Pedophile. Molester. Threat. Suddenly the intimate encounter between two people who loved each other had a third party. It was almost as if she had wiggled her way into our bedroom. It was, after all, her influence.

He stirs then and rolls to his side, taking me with him so that we're still connected. My hair is all over his face and he blows it away, one eye opening.

"I have work to do in the office." he mumbles sleepily. If he leaves I'll have a panic attack, I know it.

"No, stay with me. Hold me." He closes his eye and gives me a crooked smile, tightening his arms around me.

"Alright." His breathing slows down as he falls back to sleep and only when I'm sure he's out do I move from above him to get dressed.

He's moved my toiletries into his bathroom, clearing out a section of his cabinet for my face cream and my toothbrush. It warms me and I turn to watch him sleep through the open door. I shouldn't, but I want him to wake and make love to me again, force out the thoughts of inadequacy and the question of my worth.

Worth. I run to my purse and take out a business card of mine. Christian has an early morning breakfast meeting and I'll be at my own office for the day. I won't see him until late at night so I need to do his note now. With a girly script I write it out on the back, apply a red lipstick to my mouth and kiss the words.

**'You are worthy'**

He keeps his briefcase in his office so I go there and find it in its place on the table near his desk. Shit, it's a combo lock. I try his birthday and then 1234 but neither works. My birthday is 0910 so I try that but again, the combo stays locked. 0513, the day we met. It's a longshot but I try it and the lid clicks open. My heart swells and I quickly tape the card inside knowing that he'll find it as soon as he opens it.

It's strange to walk through these rooms alone while he's sleeping. I feel no sense of ownership to this place, if anything I'm reminded that there have been 15 women here before me and I look at the couch and wonder how many times he's fucked someone on it. The thought depresses me but I can't stop my mind no matter how hard I try. I need to talk to someone who's been in previous relationships. Is this jealousy, is this constant comparing that I'm doing to myself normal?

Finding my phone I shoot a quick text to Missy and tell her I'll be in a little late tomorrow. I'm excited to see Sawyer again, I've spoken to him only briefly but I get regular updates from Heather on his recovery. I wander to the kitchen and run through the list of food Gail is buying for our dinner party on Thursday rolling my eyes at where my life is right now compared to where it was only a few weeks ago.

I'm basically living with a billionaire in a high rise in the sky getting spanked. And liking it. _I like it._ I say it out loud.

"I liked getting spanked and then fucked. It does not make me a freak or a masochist, it makes me feel good." Well, that feels better.

Christian is sleeping soundly when I crawl back under the blankets and snuggle up to him. My arm drapes over his chest, my leg over his much like he does to me. One of his arms snakes behind me and rests on my shoulders as his mouth kisses the top of my head and he mumbles, "I love you, baby."

* * *

"Sawyer!" I walk quickly to him and extend my arms to hug him. "I'm so glad you're back and you're ok. I'm so sorry for what happened." He hugs me back quickly and pats my arm affectionately.

"I did my job, Ms. Steele and it all turned out alright, I'd have never met Heather if this hadn't happened." He rolls his shoulders and smiles. "Silver lining, right? Shall we?" He motions towards the elevator and we go down to the car.

"He's still out there you know." His lips press together, his nod curt.

"I know. We'll find him though. If you had any idea how many men and how much money Mr. Grey has into finding Hyde, you'd be shocked. He'll get smoked out eventually."

Once in the car, _my_ car finally, I instruct him to go to the post office and ask him if he's afraid of Hyde. I'd be if I was the one that had been cut but Sawyer just laughs and parks.

"No, he's the worst kind of coward. I'd welcome seeing him again. I'll be right out, you need to remain in the car with the doors locked."

I roll my eyes, now the post office is a dangerous place? A few minutes later Sawyer comes out with a bin, an actual bin of mail and closes it up in the trunk. He sits in the front and turns.

"There's three certified letters that you need to sign for. I can't do that for you as they were sent signature of recipient required. I'll escort you, you'll need a passport or license."

One of the letters is a copy of my birth certificate. My mother has the only copy and I wanted to have my own copy. One letter is from People magazine, the other only says 'Seattle' for the return address. People is offering me a million dollars for a sit down interview with me and Christian. I can choose any interviewer and can choose the place of the interview. I rip it in half and shove it in my purse. The envelope marked 'Seattle'gives me pause. I should have one of the security team open this but I know that if it's something threatening, I'll never know about it should I hand this over.

Sawyer is busy driving so I slip it open and pull out the four sheets of paper inside. There is no letter attached, just what looks like a legal document. At first I think it was sent in error but then I read further and see the name Christian Grey. My heart stops beating as the realization of what I'm holding in my hands hits me hard.

This is a contract of his.

The words Dominant and Submissive appear over and over. There are other words but I can't see them, my brain won't focus on anything right now.

"Ready, Ms. Steele?" Sawyer looks into the back and does a double take. "Are you feeling well?"

"I'm fine, fine. I just need coffee." My face is as pale as it can be, my legs shaky when I stand but I shove the papers in my bag and put on a brave face for the paparazzi camped out front. Only four today, an improvement I think grimly. "You'll take care of that mail?"

"Yes, ma'am. Once you're settled in upstairs I'll bring it to the GEH mail room and go through it there. Ryan is waiting at the elevator for you now." He walks me to the elevator and hits the button for me. Before the doors close I call for him.

"Sawyer, I don't want to know what's in the letters." Another document like the one burning a hole in my bag right now will kill me.

"No problem. Have a good day, if you want to go anywhere, just ring me."

I have no idea how I got to my desk, have no idea if I even saw Missy on the way in. My fingers are numb and cold when I pull out the papers again and wipe the tears away from my eyes. It's worse than I ever expected. Christian had told me that he had contracts, he'd told me about hard and soft limits but I hadn't given it much thought past that. Hearing about something in the abstract is one thing. Having it listed out for you and being able to touch it and see it, that's a mind fuck I was totally unprepared for.

The truth of his actions is literally staring me in the face. Line by line I torture myself and read through it once, twice and a third time before I drop the papers like the poison that they are and throw up in my wastebasket.

He's done all of this with women. _All of it._ I didn't even know half of this existed until this moment. Missy knocks on the door to ask if I want coffee, but I shake my head and wave her out. I feel faint.

"Are you alright, Ana? Can I get you some water?"

It takes a minute but I find my voice. My throat burns from throwing up but I don't want her to know anything.

"I'm fine, just a bit overwhelmed by work. I'll let you know if I change my mind, thanks so much." She leaves and I immediately pick up the papers again. Who sent this to me? There are no other names other than Christians and the dates are blank. Not one limit is crossed out or deleted so my guess is that this is a master copy of some sort. Why? Who?

Deep breath Anastasia Rose. You wanted him, you got him. All of him.

Certain phrases jump out at me; _obey, punishment, rules, waxed, eagerly._ I can't figure out if I'm more disturbed by the rules he's laid out or the sexual acts he expects. Bile rises again so I focus on the terms, those seem a bit more palatable right now.

_'The Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things.'_ Fuck that noise.

_'The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term.'_ Fuck that as well. Own? _OWN?_

_'The Dominant may flog, spank, whip, or corporally punish the submissive as he sees fit'._ I'm not even finishing reading that bull shit. Next!

_'The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases'._ Yea, skip the rest of that as well. Property of the Dominant my ass.

_'The Submissive shall not look directly into the eyes of the Dominant except when specifically instructed to do so. She shall keep her eyes downcast.'_ I seriously don't know who I want to slap more, the women agreeing to this or the fucking asshole I made love to last night.

Missy walks in with a water and eyes me warily. I cover the papers and smile sweetly but she's unconvinced.

"Spill it Steele. What's up?"

"Another time, I really need to get the contract over to Matt Smith so we can get him working." She stands there and purses her lips, pointing to the door.

"I'm right there. Just call me in when you're ready." The minute the door closes I keep reading.

He chose the salon they went to? Hmph. I bet I know exactly where they went. She even groomed them for him._ Unfuckingbelieveable._ His stupidity actually brings me comfort for some reason. For someone so smart he sure is an idiot when it comes to her manipulation.

_'The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant eagerly and without hesitation.'_ Well that explains why he was so put out when I denied him on Friday morning. He's used to doing whatever, whenever, however he wanted to these women.

I skim over the sleep, food, clothes, safety and exercise. While the whole thing is out of this world crazy to me, those 'rules' are the least of my worries. In some weird way they demonstrate a level of caring that doesn't line up with the whole, 'Own, serve, don't look me in the eyes bullshit'.

Do I dare read the soft limits? The things that my boyfriend and the man who took my virginity has done with other women? The phone rings then and I answer it without looking, something I need to stop doing.

"Hi, baby. Missy said you weren't feeling well and you didn't answer your phone. Do you need to see a doctor?"

Irritation as annoying as a bee sting runs through me.

"I'm fine, just busy. Did you need something?" Just get me off this damn phone.

"No, I wanted to check in, I didn't get to see you this morning and I missed you." My heart softens but only marginally. I sigh and put my head in my hand.

"I'm alright, just dealing with some really unpleasant crap."

"Anything I can help you with?" I almost laugh into the phone but cover it with a snort instead.

"No, but thanks. I'm still working it all out in my head right now." Images of women on their knees, eyes downcast and in front of him play out in my mind.

"Let me know if you need me, Ana. I hate that you're dealing with anything that bothers you. You're sure you won't come with me tonight? I'd really like to have you there."

"Next time. I promise."

"Damn. I'll see you later then, probably around 10 or so."

Once we hang up I debate, _again_, reading any further but _again_, I have no self-control. His hard limits are reasonable and I'm happy to see that he wouldn't participate in blood play or defecation play. **What. The. Fuck.** Moving on.

Shit, I didn't even know this stuff existed, not even in my wildest dreams would I think that someone would want to play around with electric currents or suffocation. How would that be sexual on any level? _Here baby, let me put this battery charger on your nipples, you're gonna love it._ And I thought I was wild because I did it on a dining room table.

Fisting? What the fuck does that even mean? That can't possibly be what I think it is and holy mother of _what the hell!_ Anal fisting? What the fuck? He _likes_ this stuff? Absofuckinglutely not going to happen. How does, that can't actually, I mean, No. **Just. No.**

I really wish I smoked. Or did drugs. Or had a fifth of whiskey hidden in my desk.

I'm surprised that I'm not only ok with a lot of what he has listed but that I want to try some of these things. I've already enjoyed a few of them and a smile spreads across my face when I remember how he tied me up with my bikini. I _really_ liked that.

The listings of punishments is alarming. Caning, whipping, clamps, hot wax. Holy fuck. OK, maybe I can get on board with the hot wax but as discipline? No. He wanted to do this to someone, wanted to _punish through pain_. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all he's ever known. To him, this is normal and sane. He was taught this as a child. My hatred for that woman grows with each word I read.

What we do, normal, 'vanilla' sex is what blows his mind. The concept of being loved simply for being himself is still so new to him. My anger wanes even as my insecurity grows.

"Missy!" She saunters in and sits in one of the chairs in front of my desk tossing me a few Reeces.

"Took you long enough. So what'd he do? Why aren't you answering his calls?" I blink.

"What?"

"His calls? He called the main line because you wouldn't answer your cell phone. I told him you didn't feel well because one look at you and I can see that you don't." She grimaces. "Not to mention the vomit in your trash can." My head falls back as tears pool in my eyes. I can't tell her everything, it would be a betrayal to Christian but I need to ask her a few important questions.

"Mis, were you Logan's first?" she laughs and sits back.

"Not even close. Have you seen him? He's gorgeous! He'd been with so many women by the time we met that I knew him by his reputation before actually meeting him. Total playboy. Multiple women, one night stands, short term girlfriends, you name it."

"And did that bother you?"

"That he'd been with other girls? Well, fuck yeah. No woman wants to think of her man with someone else but once we got together and it turned serious, I had to let that go."

"And how did you do that?"

"Well, at first I questioned him relentlessly about it and that accomplished two things. It pissed him off and made me feel worse. I'd have been just fine never knowing he'd had two threesomes." She shivers and makes a gagging face. Logan? Really? "It was a waste of my time. It took months for me to trust him and in truth he deserved having to prove himself to me. He had built quite the reputation but once I knew he loved me I had to accept that I was the only one he was with and work on my own issues."

She leans forward and looks at me intently.

"Look, we all have pasts and we all have things we don't want to follow us our whole lives. Logan enjoyed those experiences while he was having them but they in no way define who he is with me. I used to feel inadequate, I think on some level most women do, but that's our problem, not theirs."

"Did you compare yourself to the other girls?"

"All the damn time! I even was friends with two of them and they were both much prettier than me." I roll my eyes but she waves me off. "Hey, I call it like I see it. His faithfulness and his constant reassurances only went so far though. I knew he'd been with some really hot women so at first I tried always looking my absolute best but he was always happiest when I was just me. Eventually I had to learn a hard lesson."

I wait, eyebrows raised. Save me here, Missy.

"When I started loving _myself_ and seeing the value in _myself_, I didn't worry as much about anyone else, not even Logan. And as a bonus, I started letting myself be more free in the bedroom. Instead of worrying about whether my tits were nicer than everyone else's, I started watching him enjoy them. I started using my own sexual power instead of giving it away by comparing myself to what essentially amounted to ghosts." She sits back and folds her hands. "And that is why, after two years we're eloping next month."

"What?! When did this happen? Where's your ring? Oh my god! How could you let me go on and on about this stupidity?" I jump up and hug her tightly. Her message has been received loud and clear. Part of this is my issue. The way he's viewed women in the past is going to require a conversation but the things he's _done_ with them, that has nothing to do with me.

"Over the weekend but we only told our parents. It's not really an engagement since we're not having a wedding and all that bull shit."

"So, no bachelorette party or shower? Mis you've got to do something!" she shrugs. "OK, well, we can at least celebrate with sushi. I'll make the call and have Sawyer run out and pick it up."

"See, there is a plus to having private security!"

After work Sawyer drives me back to Escala. Gail has made me basil stuffed chicken over rice and spinach. Once she serves me she leaves for her quarters and I sit alone at the breakfast bar in the quiet oversized apartment. Is that how it was for him every night? My heart aches, the anger and disgust from earlier all but gone when I see how shut off he's been. Did he even feel lonely or was his isolation so complete and so normal that he assumed this was normal?

Night after night he came home to an empty apartment, an empty life. He tried in vain to fill it with work, sex and control but it left him just as empty, maybe more so than before. I hurt for him. After clearing my place I text him for the first time today, just a simple I love you that I know will make him happy.

**Love you, come home soon.**

**-love you too. Wish you were here. I miss you so much-**

I quickly shower and do my laundry. I just can't ask Gail to clean my underwear. I've done the best I can with regards to her cleaning and cooking but I just can't let go of the laundry. I jump online and make an appointment for a wax and a haircut and then settle in the library with a cup of tea to read. As much as I've loved being with Christian every second I can, I've missed this alone time. I've read for close to three hours by the time I look up and am shocked to see that it's almost 10pm.

I'm tired, feeling sick and strung out all day has taken its toll. After I brush my teeth, alone for the first time in weeks, I climb in on my side of the oversized bed with the intention of waiting up for him but I'm out as soon as my head hits the pillow.

I'm awakened by my rapid heartbeat and a moan that sounds suspiciously like my voice. "What are you doing?" I try to sit up but I can't, Christian is under the sheet entirely, all I can see are the outlines of my legs splayed wide and a round head in between. His strong arm is across my belly effectively pinning me to the bed and the other is between my legs, two fingers inside of me, unmoving.

His tongue is relentless, flicking that bundle of nerves so recently discovered with short quick strokes while his lips hold me open. The fingers inside are still but fill me and within minutes I feel the build begin in my spine, the muscles around his fingers tightening. He moans against me, that skilled tongue not letting up at all. The light stimulation is almost too much, my legs are shaking, pushing against the bed trying to get away from his amorous mouth when he suddenly sucks my clit between his lips and sucks. I immediately spiral down and crash hard, screaming out and grinding my hips down as waves of sensation bring me almost to tears.

When I stop he flings the sheet back and grins up at me, wiping away the wetness on his face with the back of his hand and kissing up my belly, sucking each nipple quickly before kissing me.

"Hi. I thought of nothing but the taste of you all day." He's bright eyed and so adorable, almost childlike in his enthusiasm.

"Well you're pretty pleased with yourself aren't you?" I joke with him, running my hands along his arms and lower back.

"I just made you come in less than three minutes from a dead sleep. Yeah, I'm pretty pleased." He grabs me around the waist and flips us so that I'm on top of him. "Now, slide that hot wetness down onto me, I want to see those pretty tits bounce."

"Christian!" I swat at him and giggle trying to roll off of him to get away but he grabs both wrists and pulls them behind me, nipping playfully at my breasts. "What has gotten into you?"

"You. I woke up to you in my bed and came home to you in my bed." He smiles devilishly and sighs, throwing his hands above his head. "Do you have any idea how impossibly happy it made me to come home to you? And then to find you naked in my bed?"

"Very happy?" I giggle at him.

He sits up and smiles, nipping at my lip before lying back down.

"I want to call this our bed. Not my bed. I want you to live here, Ana. I want to wake up to you and go to sleep with you every night. I want to see your clothes in my closet and your Star Wars mug in my cabinet. Move in with me, Ana."

What? Here? Now? _Move in with him?_

"But, we, we just met! We just started dating! It's too soon!" His torso bends as he rises to sit, the square muscles in his abdomen popping out deliciously against his skin.

"Too soon? Says who? You're it, baby, I know it. I've told you this before and I'll say it again now. You are it for me. I don't want to live apart, I want you with me all the time." His voice drops, his mouth moves to the shell of my ear, tickling the delicate skin with his words. "Move in with me. Please."

My mind is going a mile a minute as my mouth gapes open and shut like a fish. I can't move in with him, I barely know him! We've been dating for two weeks!

"Say yes, don't think about it, just go with it." That tongue licks my collarbone then as his hand clasps mine behind my back again, his other hand pushing the pillows to the floor. His back is flush against the headboard when he lets go and lifts my legs up so that my knees are bent on either side of me, almost wedged under his arms. The attention of his tongue has left me over sensitive and I shiver as he grinds up and then sinks into me slowly. It feels so good.

"Yes", he hisses, "I want this every night and every morning. I want what's mine whenever I want it." The words from the contract slap me in the face. _'The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant eagerly and without hesitation.'_

His eyes are thankfully closed so he doesn't see the confusion I'm sure is painted on my face. His hands are holding me under my ass, guiding me as I rise and fall on him. He hits me deep like this and after just a minute he pulls me off and flexes his legs underneath me as he struggles to control himself.

"Fuck! Give me a minute, I don't want to come yet. I've been waiting all day to feel you around me." He smiles at me and there is nothing hidden behind it, all I see is love and adoration and joy and I resolve to work on my own insecurities with renewed effort. I will not crucify him for the things he's done before me. If he can look at me like that, then I know whatever I'm doing is good enough.

"Go slow, baby." We both groan when I slide him back in, holding onto his arms for support. "Shit I love you, Ana." His eyes lock on mine, growing serious and intense. His hand reaches between us but I stop him and hold it against my heart, riding him slowly and squeezing him as tightly as I can inside of me. "But, you need to co"

I cut him off and put a finger on his lips, shaking my head before kissing him. "I already did. I love you, Christian. I want to watch you." I feel him swell and tense and then without ever taking his eyes off of mine he comes, the heat of his desire spurting into me. Neither of us makes a sound afterwards, we just wrap our arms around each other and hold on.

No matter what happens, no matter what curve balls life throws at us, we will always have this.

* * *

**CPOV**

"Get to the fucking point. Are you interested in buying the public shares or not? I'm not here to play games, I'm here to do business." Imbeciles. I could have stayed in bed with Ana's sweet warmth molded to me.

Martin Kopling just keeps on talking, totally unaware that while he drones on I'm in my bed, tasting the sweet nectar that is only found between my girlfriends thighs. Damn, I could kill him. I call for the waiter and hand him my AMEX.

"We're finished here, Mr. Kopling. I have two more meetings scheduled today. I gave you first option but you've proven to be a poor businessman. Have a good day, thank you for wasting my time."

"Mr. Grey, surely you can offer a better deal than you are. You've failed to make your case here. Why, if the silicone chips are profitable and ready for market are you willing to sell them off? What's the hidden danger in purchasing?"

"I've no interest in the medical industry, the chips are specifically for dilation machines and transplant pumps. I have no interest in learning the medical industry nor do I want to start up an entire department. If you don't see the value in the company, then we're finished here."

Once I get in the car I call Ros and bite her head off.

"You said he was ready to buy! That was a total waste of my time, Ros. If Inteligent is unwilling to purchase, I want this company put on the block and sold off in pieces, I'm not wasting another day on this for $60 million, it's not worth it."

"Inteligent will buy it up, offer it to them for $62 and let them negotiate down a few million. We can clear this one out by afternoon. I need you in the meeting with Lao Tsang so wrap it up quickly."

"You're sure we don't need Ana in on this as well?" I am dying to see her speak Mandarin in person. Few things turn me on more than watching her speak in a foreign language.

"Sure of it. He lived in Chicago until he was 29, he's got a Midwestern accent." Damn. I was hoping to see her today. Sawyer texted to let me know that she made it safely to her office and that her mail was at GEH being sorted.

"Taylor call GEH and see what they've found in Ms. Steele's mail so far." He reaches for his phone and I dial Ana directly, anxious to hear her voice for the first time today but she doesn't answer. Walking into the board room of Inteligent I hand my phone to Taylor. I don't need to remind him that if she should call I'm to be interrupted.

"Mail?"

"They've only just started, Sir. So far just letters asking for interviews and money." Scumbags.

"Have all of her mail forwarded to GEH for now, I'll let her know we're doing it when I get a chance. I want it done immediately."

As Ros predicted the team from Inteligent is eager to buy, they know a good and fair deal when it comes their way and the negotiations are quick and painless. It's rare that I do my own negotiations without a team but for certain companies, it's imperative that I'm the face they see.

Walking into the boardroom at GEH always gives me a bit of head rush. I love the power, the absolute control I have in this room. It's my church, my alter, my religion. Ros raises her eyebrows and I say quietly, "58." She's pleased, so am I.

"Gentlemen, we're happy you could make it out to Seattle. Hopefully we'll have more beautiful days like today for you to enjoy." Both Ros and I need to be on our A game for this meeting. We're setting the groundwork for the intricate negotiations that will begin to take place in earnest next month.

"We're happy you chose Rome, it's a good neutral location. I'd like to propose a celebratory dinner our first night, Mr. Shinzu would be pleased if you'll allow us to host." I nod in acquiescence but he continues and pisses me the hell off before I've even sipped my unsweetened iced tea. "Typically we don't do business with women and I understand there are three on your team, it will be…different for us."

"Four." He looks at me confused as my jaw twitches in irritation. How fucking dare he. "Four women, all in upper management. We've added a female translator since our last meeting. She will be accompanying us to everything."

"Ah, yes. Anastasia Steele." He looks down at his paper and then back up quickly. "I look forward to meeting her." _I bet._ "I trust she is fully vetted and there is no concern of her leaking details." I have worked on this deal for close to a year but I will pull the plug on it if he goes even one step further.

"This isn't my first deal, Tsang. As to your medieval view on working women, you do realize that it's 2011, correct? I expect absolute respect for all of my staff regardless of their gender." His shoulders square ready for a fight but I'm in no mood to have to defend Ana or any other woman I've hired for that matter.

"Mr. Tsang, let's focus on the opposing notes we have to work through today. I'm sure you're eager to get back to your family in Chicago." Ros correctly reads my mood and thankfully Tsang takes the hint. For five hours we go back and forth, hammering out the finer details of the deal. Anastasia has translated numerous documents for this particular meeting and nobody finds any fault or error in her work. It's flawless. I'm prouder than fuck.

I've barely spoken to Ana all day, outside of a quick call between morning meetings she's been pretty quiet. Welch and Taylor enter with a box of what I assume is her mail. I have to say, I'm surprised, it's a lot.

"Well, it's a lot like the shit you get. Tons of letters from male _and_ female admirers looking to do everything from have her call them to describing in detail what they want to do with her." My hand shoots up. I don't even like hearing that she's the object of someone else's desire.

"Any threats?" Taylor clears his throat and approaches with seven envelopes. Two are from the same person, the other five are from around the country.

"Three that we'll follow up on, the other three were from inmates describing in detail what their plans for her were when they were released." He hurries on, no doubt aware of the violence simmering at the surface. "They're all on death row, no chance of parole."

"And the other two, the one wrote both letters?" Welch steps forward and puts down a Ziploc with a tissue inside of it and another with a washcloth. "What are those?"

"Ejaculate. Different guys but the tissue is from the guy who wrote both letters. I've sent a man over to his apartment, he's in bumblefuck Oklahoma but still, this is pretty vile and needs...personal attention. The washcloth we're unsure of. The post mark was Seattle but it was sent over a week ago before your relationship became news."

"Hyde." Taylor steps forward and speaks.

"Without DNA testing we can't be sure. The police will process that when he's arrested but we'd have to request and pay for testing on this. I've already alerted Chief Collins and he's coming to collect it."

My body falls heavily into the chair behind me, my hands automatically pulling at my hair in frustration.

"How the FUCK do we not know where he is yet? Do your god damn job and find this guy! Damn it, Taylor, if this were Gail you'd have nailed him to the wall already." His shoulder tense and his chin rises defiantly. Welch gathers the evidence, asks if I want to read any of the letters or threats and I decline with a wave of my hand.

"Cover every single base necessary. If something happens to her and we could have prevented it from these letters, I'm holding you responsible." Welch leaves and I stand but Taylor doesn't follow him.

"Sir, if I may."

"Go ahead."

"Both Gail and myself are very fond of Ms. Steele, she's quickly become important to us and any implication that I'm not taking the issue with Hyde seriously is…frustrating at best." My stance widens, my jaw tenses. Fond of Ms. Steele?

"As a security team we have done all we can to find him. Every resource, even those that put us in a position that requires us to lie to the authorities has been exhausted. I assure you my team, especially myself, is doing all we can to find him."

_Deep breath, Grey._ "When was your last contact with Ray's friend?"

"This morning, Sir. No news to report and he's working exclusively on this." Point taken, Taylor.

"We'll leave for the dinner at six. I want to be home by 10. Has Ms. Steele returned to Escala yet?"

"Yes, sir. Gail texted a few minutes ago to let me know. I'll have the car ready in 15 minutes."

I can't count the number of times I've been rude to Taylor. Couldn't even begin to remember the ways that I've surely offended him but I can say with conviction that this is the first time I feel badly about it.

* * *

Taylor opens the door to the Audi as normal, his face impassive and blank as usual but I've spent enough time with him to know he's pissed. I give him a few minutes and then speak.

"I'm sorry for offending you, I know you're capable of finding this prick and I know it's a priority to you. I'm on edge about it, always waiting for him to jump out and my tension comes out unfairly was inexcusable and wrong of me to mention Gail."

His eyes raise to the rearview mirror and he nods, barely, but enough for me to know he's heard me. It feels good to apologize. What feels even better is the 40 minutes I have during the drive to fantasize about my girlfriend. I have thought of little else all day other than the way she tastes and the way the inside of her thighs feel against my face.

This morning when I woke she was curled into me, her hair a tangled mess under my arm, her face pressed into my chest. At some point during the night she must have woken and put on a t-shirt and panties but I don't remember anything other than her sweet words whispered in my ear while we made love. _Make love,_ I am making love. Vanilla sex. And truly, for the first time, I've found satisfaction.

Memories of last night lead back to dinner and the conversation afterwards with Ana. I know she's right. I will always live with the fear of my secret getting out. I will always have a barrier between me and my family because I'm unwilling to really let them in. I'm so afraid they'll find out who I am and what I've done and then want nothing to do with me.

But Ana's words cut through my minds own bullshit and force me to really think about what it is I want _from_ and _for_ them. I want to protect my mother from my past and from the absolute pain she'll feel should she ever come to find out about me and Elena. But in the same token, if I continue to stonewall her and keep her at bay, I continue to hurt her and bring her pain by my absence. For the first time I see how the forced distance between she and I hurts her because she has no idea why I do it. I feel like I'm in a lose/lose situation.

I never want Mia to find out. Of all of my family, her finding out would devastate me on so many levels. Until Ana came around it was only ever Mia who could hug me and only ever Mia with whom I had any real connection with. I feel protective over her much in the same way I do over Ana. She can never know.

Elliot. My eyes roll when I think about telling him. He'd probably high five me like a frat boy and then ask for details. Rarely, if ever, have I seen him take something seriously. I just can't imagine having a sit down conversation with him.

And then there's my father. Perhaps more than even my mother I worry about disappointing him. I know on some level that my mom will always love me but I wonder, if I hurt him badly enough, would Carrick Grey just walk out of my life? He's always been good to me, always made me feel wanted and loved but does he have it in him to see past what I've become? It's not a gamble I'm willing to take.

* * *

"Grey, good to see you here tonight." Liam Halen looks around me, still shaking my hand. "Where's the little lady?" I'm immediately on the defensive. Liam Halen is wealthy, not as wealthy as me but a billionaire a few times over in his own right. He's been married twice already and is notorious for dating super models and actresses. I don't even want him to know my girlfriends name.

"Anastasia? Right? Where is she? I was hoping to meet her. Any woman that can pin you down has got to be something else."

"She is. She's home, I would have liked for her to come but she had other plans." Other plans meaning she flat out refused to come. No matter what I said or how many times I asked she kept saying that she had nothing to wear and didn't feel comfortable. Both of those things need to change, I hate these functions, bull shit dinner parties or fundraisers for Seattle's elite to get together and flash their cash around. If she were here, it'd be tolerable.

"Too bad. How'd she land you anyway? I mean, your whole shtick is 'single bachelor never even seen with a woman'. What happened man?" Why is he talking to me as if we're friends? I took two companies from him in the last year at a loss to him of over $14 million dollars.

"She's wonderful, I'm sure you'll meet her soon. I'll catch up with you on the Perkins deal later, I've heard good things from their camp." And with that I walk off to the bar and order myself a gin and tonic. The bartender stares, holding an empty glass and a bottle of Hendricks and only when I lift my eyebrows does she begin to pour. _It's just a face, now pour my drink._

Thankfully I've been seated with Gary Locke, our current US Ambassador to China and Mario Batali, a world famous chef. I quickly engage Batali in a conversation, all Ana watches is the Food Network and I know it would thrill her to have met him. I can't help but brag when I tell him how good of a cook Ana is. Within minutes he's invited himself to dinner, something that would have really pissed me off a few weeks ago but knowing how happy this would make Ana, it now thrills me.

Jay Inslee, our host and Governor of Washington has put me at the same table with the US Ambassador for a very clear reason. He wants the current deal we're working on to go through. It would mean at least two thousand new jobs for the state and millions in tax revenue. Locke's presence is the only reason I've agreed to even come tonight, having him in my pocket is paramount for this deal.

"You've got a tough sell with Shinzu, he's not going to part with either of those ports easily and he's certainly not going to sell the factories now that Intel wants to hire him to produce the cases." He sips his bourbon; I take note of the brand he ordered while he continues. "He's a real piece of work, hates America, hates people with money, and hates women. You bring your number two over there, he's going to eat her alive."

"I've heard a few similar statements. Ros will chew him up and spit him out. She'll just have to wait until the ink is dry." We laugh, his boisterous, mine forced. My concern is for Anastasia. She'll have to deal face to face with him and his cohorts and god help me if he treats her badly. I will lose my shit for sure.

"Anyway, ply him with Absinthe, it's his weakness. That and women. He may hate them, but he loves to have them. Buy a few for him each night and you'll stand a chance of this deal going through."

Not a chance am I buying this dickwad women. Other business men may play that game but I never have and I never will. Schmoozing with expensive alcohol and meals is part of the game. Kissing his ass and feeding into his misogynistic behavior isn't how I work.

"I've got full confidence in my team. I'm expecting to have the deal closed by quarters end, any softening you can provide is appreciated."

After dinner and an enjoyable conversation with Mario I call it a night. I can't think of anything other than getting home and tasting Anastasia, it's been in the forefront of my thoughts all day. Taylor reaches back and hands me three pieces of paper, all with a woman's name and number on it. This is nothing new, at every outing there are women, and a few men, who have tried in vain to get my attention. Taylor dutifully collects their information and hands it to me for me to throw away myself. If I didn't ask you for it, I don't want it.

Once the cards are ripped and fluttering to the floor I close out the last piece of business for the day.

"Mr. Brindisi, Christian Grey. I apologize for calling so late but I need to get a piece made by Saturday morning." He is, of course, happy to hear from me. I imagine I could call him at two in the morning and he'd be thrilled to hear from me. I describe what I want and authorize him to allow Ryan to pick it up for me.

Business done I go back to fantasizing about Ana, naked and bouncing on my cock. The apartment is surprisingly quiet but knowing that she's here makes it feel full anyway. There's an excitement inside of me that I've never felt before when I see her sleeping in my bed.

Anastasia, sleeping in my bed, waiting for me to come home. I strip as quickly as I can.

I have come home to an empty apartment since the day I bought this place. Even when I had subs here they would be in their room unless I summoned them. Gail was there to serve me dinner and then would go to her own home and even though it shared a wall with mine, I was still very much alone.

Coming home to find Ana here, in my bed, makes this place feel like home for the first time. I've never known that feeling, not even as a child. I've always felt like an intruder in my family's home. Someone who didn't really belong but here, with her, I know I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.

_Fuck yeah_, she's naked. I can tell by the way the sheet clings to her body and the smooth contour of her curves. Even better. She doesn't stir when I slide in next to her nor does she wake when I part her legs and lift her knees. She smells like a woman. A sexy, sinful woman. With her asleep I can inhale her scent over and over again without worrying about embarrassing her. Once I've had my fill I lick, long strokes that separate those puffy lips that hide so many secrets.

Still she doesn't stir. I chuckle against her mound, her hair has started to grow back a bit and it tickles my nose but I like it. It's part of her and anything that's part of her is a turn on. Maybe we'll keep it.

Even in sleep her body responds to me. Her hips start to writhe and that sweet juice I've been obsessing about all day falls onto my tongue. Pushing first one and then two fingers into her wakes her up and within seconds she comes, my tongue greedily lapping up as much as I can.

Pushing the sheet down to see her smiling, dazed face makes me so deliriously happy that my plans for seduction fall apart and I ask, no, _beg_ her to move in with me. I had grand plans of romance and diamonds, heady distractions so that she couldn't say no but I can't help myself, coming home to her has sealed the deal. Happiness for me is coming home to Anastasia Rose Steele.

She hesitates, caught off guard by my request so I do the only thing I know to do. Distraction.

"Say yes, don't think about it, just go with it." It's a business ploy, one I've perfected over the years. I'm afraid that if she has time to think about it, she'll run so I overwhelm her body and her mind. But in the end it's me who's overwhelmed.

I have prided myself on my iron clad control. If I didn't want to get hard, I didn't. If I didn't want to come, I didn't. From day one she has blown that control right out of the water. Her body wrapped around mine has me coming hard in less than three minutes. Coming with her is more than physical and it calls every emotion I have to the surface like a truth serum.

"You haven't answered me." Our bodies are still connected but I feel her drifting away. One look at her face and I know her answer. My heart sinks.

"Christian, I love you but moving in is a huge step and not one I think I'm ready for." Fuck! I knew I should have wined and dined her first. God damn it!

"Promise me you'll think about it. Being at that function tonight and knowing I'd be coming home to you, it was an awesome feeling. I want that every day. I want to sit in a tedious meeting and think, 'when I get home, Ana will be there'." She smiles and climbs out of the bed, putting on one of her satin tank and short sets. So sexy. I just had her a minute ago but I'm hard as granite again.

"I promise to think about it but you have to promise not to badger me about it." _Me? Badger?_ "I know how you operate, Grey but this is a really big decision for me. For us."

I slide down and put a pillow behind me. "I just want to be with you as much as I can. You make me so happy." Her arms drop and her lips curl up.

"Well shit, you keep talking like that and you'll never get rid of me!"

_Baby, that's the whole point._


	30. Chapter 30

**Authors note: My other story, 'Hot and Bothered' is NOT related to this story. So no worries about the four year wait, the two stories aren't related. **

* * *

**CPOV**

Fourteen hours. That's how long it's been since I asked Anastasia to move in with me and that's how long I've been waiting for an answer. I hate waiting. Can't stand it. Abhor it.

"Baby, what's bothering you? You've barely touched your lunch, you barely ate your breakfast and you've hardly said a thing since last night." I've promised not to 'badger' her about moving in and I'll do my best but this distance I feel doesn't sit well with me.

She shrugs and sighs, leaning back in her chair before she pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I don't feel entirely well."

"Are you sick? Do you feel the same way as yesterday?" She looks at me confused. "Sawyer said you threw up at your desk, Missy told Ryan." Her eyes roll upwards with annoyance. "Maybe we should take you to a doctor, Ana." Her lips quirk up and she giggles.

"If I was sick, which I don't think I am, I wouldn't go running to a doctor right away. I'm fine, I think the massive number of changes to my life in the last two months is starting to catch up to me." She takes a bite of her fish and rubs the top of her foot on my calf.

It's instinctual, an involuntary response to her body but my dick rises, acutely aware of the zipper on my fly. She's got on a black sheath dress that cuts off above the knee. My fingers find the smooth skin of her legs under the table and trace tiny circles as far as she'll allow me to go until her hand stops me and she gives me a warning look.

"Can't help it." She giggles, the sound bringing me so much joy it hurts my chest.

I look up when I hear the clatter of her fork and meet her gaze, pained and tense. My own fork drops when I reach for her hand.

"What? What's wrong? You were just laughing!"

"I know." She pulls her hand away and twists it in her lap, her teeth worrying that plump bottom lip until it's red and puffy. _So sexy._

"I received something yesterday that has really upset me despite my best efforts for it not to." My stomach drops to my feet. The pictures? "I have no idea who sent it but it came certified mail. Sawyer doesn't know about it so don't go postal on him but I have to show it to you even though I really,_ really_ don't want to."

"Ana. You're concerning me. What is it?" My hand is outstretched and open waiting for what I'm sure are pictures of me but instead she hands me an envelope with papers inside. She's watching me from under her lashes, pain evident in the deep green. I can't hide the surprise and immediate rage that fills me when I see what it is.

One of my contracts has landed in her lap. On purpose. The who is obvious, only my subs, Elena and Taylor have copies of these. Taylor has zero reason to expose Ana to this and my subs have all been quiet for months, some for years. This had to have come from Elena. I don't look any further than the first few lines, I know what it says and I know why it bothers her.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how this happened. I...I...I really don't' know what to say."

"Neither do I. It's been sitting at the post office for almost a week so whoever sent this has to have been waiting for a reaction for that long." Quickly reading between the lines I know that what she's saying is that if this was Elena, and I've no doubt that it was, then our little show on Monday is that much sweeter. It's a small comfort.

"Stop pulling your hair, Christian. I like your hair on your head, you'll be bald in two years if you keep that up." I can't help it, she is so unexpected, so completely unpredictable that I snort and laugh. She's just handed me a contract listing the sordid acts I've done with other women and her biggest concern is my hair.

"Sorry. God, Ana. You're too much." I wipe my eyes and put the contract back in the envelope. "I'll get to the bottom of this and I'll make it right, baby." Well thank fuck _that's_ over.

She exhales a long slow breath and stares at her wine glass. She wants to talk about it. _Shit._

"I knew you had contracts with them, you'd told me that much but I never thought to ask about what was in them. I was totally unprepared for what I read. I'm not sure if I'm more disgusted by the rules or by the acts that I now know you've done with them." Her eyes fill with tears but she wipes them away as quickly as they come. "There's nothing left for just us. You've already done everything."

"Ana, everything we do is like experiencing it for the first time. Everything is heightened with you, it all...all of it holds more meaning. Physically speaking, there has been nothing that compares to the way I feel with you." I'm losing her, I can sense it as we sit here. She's putting up walls to protect herself and nothing I say is going to stop it.

"Ana, you have got to listen to me. I love you._ I love you._ Nothing compares to that. _Nothing_. Fuck! This shit meant nothing to me, it was a sense of control, a physical response. Nothing more."

"It says in there, in black and white with your name as the author that you own them. _Own them!_ Do you know as a woman how that makes me feel? That my boyfriend has actually thought he _owned_ another human being?" Her hand waves dismissively when I open my mouth to speak. "And let's not leave out the part about being controlled, dominated, disciplined and punished."

"Ana it wasn't like that." _But it was you freak. You can't deny it, it's written out for you._

"Yes, it was, Christian. Don't treat me with kid gloves here. You actually use the words 'Dominants property' in there." Her voice catches and she covers her mouth and closes her eyes. Holy fuck what do I do? I'm stunned silent.

"Did you really not let them look you in the eyes?" She's whispering so that she doesn't cry and I nod. I let two of them look at me a few times but overall, no, they were not to interact with me unless it was for me to fuck them and even then they were mostly blindfolded or facing away from me. "I don't know what to say. I'd like to hunt them all down and scream at them that they're worth more than that. How could you think so little of another human? Of a woman?"

The waiter is on his way over but I wave him off. As much as I'd like to leave, I couldn't walk if I had to. All feeling has left my legs and has been replaced with paralyzing fear. _Ana is going to leave me._ I can feel the loneliness closing in. My brain works frantically to tell her something, _anything_ that will keep her here.

"I didn't think little of them, they wanted it like that, they knew the terms, they didn't have to agree to them but this was what _they_ wanted as well." She scoffs and takes a drink.

"Right. Every woman wants to be told that she's not allowed to look at a man but that he can order her to do whatever the hell he pleases to her. Women love to feel like their worth is tied to what's between their legs. 'Hey, come here and let me fuck you, let me take pleasure from your body and do whatever I want to it but don't you dare look at me'." She pauses and glares. "We all like to feel _used_." She spits the last few words out. I fight the urge to vomit. I have no argument, no way to defend the way I've viewed these women. Trying to get Ana to understand the nature of a BDSM relationship is futile right now.

"I can't reconcile the man sitting in front of me, telling me he loves me and wanting me in his home to the man who drafted that contract." Her hands cover her face but I hear a muffled, "I'm so confused right now."

"I'm different." It's all I can think to say. I can't even think to tell her _how_ I'm different because I haven't figured it out myself. But I am. Everything about my mindset has changed in the last few weeks.

"I know." She says softly. Hope spears through me like a knife. "I tried, _really really_ tried to let this go and work through it in my mind. I've had over 24 hours to stew on it and to try to work through it but the harsh reality is that you have lived a certain way for almost 15 years and in those years you've not once deviated from this," she waves at the envelope sitting like a bomb between us, "even once. But then I come along and suddenly, you don't want a thing to do with it." She stills and locks my eyes with hers. "I just don't believe it. This is so fucked up in my opinion. I get it, women asked you for this but I'm not that kind of woman and I don't understand it."

"You don't have to! I don't want any of that with you."

"You don't think of me as property? As yours to own, dominate, and discipline? God I can't even say that word." She looks absolutely disgusted.

"No, Ana. I don't. I'd like to say that I see you as my equal but I don't. You are far greater than me, much better than I could ever hope to be. I would never see you as property."

"What's with the mine, mine, mine then? Did you say that to them? When you were fucking them did you tell them that they belonged to you the way you say it to me?" Her voice catches again and it rips my heart in two. "Stop pulling at your hair! It's pissing me off!" My hands fall to the table.

"No! I was never affectionate with them like that. You _are_ mine just as I'm yours. Not as unequal partners but as lovers who take care of each other. Fuck, I have no idea what I'm supposed to say right now, no idea how to fix this."

"There is no fixing it. I have to really think about it and figure out what I'm doing here. I love you, Christian. But I love _this_ Christian, the one sitting in front of me in a white button down and an ugly red tie. I loathe the guy represented by these pages, he stands for everything I hate." _Ugly tie?_ She picks up the envelope and drops it as if it were on fire. "I hate men like this and that was you. How, tell me how I separate that out when I can't believe that this part of you is just, poof! Gone!"

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. This is it, she's leaving. My heart has stopped beating entirely, if she leaves me, she may as well bury me because it will kill me. It's a truth I know as well as I know that I'm a changed man. _I'm a changed man._ For the first time I believe it.

"I love you so much, more than I should for the amount of time we've spent together but I can't help it. You do own my heart, that's the truth of it. And part of me is furious that I'd be with someone who treated women this way but the other side of me, the part of me that knows you even without words knows that this is just part of who you were. This grossness is a manifestation of the damages that were inflicted onto you at a young age and by that, that cunt." My eyes widen, in all the time I've known her she's never been so angry.

"It's not an excuse for your behavior but it's a direct consequence of what was done to you." She waves her hands around and continues but my heart still isn't beating. Is she staying? Is she leaving? "I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you don't want this with me. I do believe that actually. What I have a really hard time believing is that you don't want that _at all_ anymore."

"Are you leaving me?" It sounds pathetic even to my own ears but I have to know, I can't take this agony. Her head snaps back but then she stands and sits on my lap right there in the middle of the restaurant. My arms wrap tightly around her warmth afraid that if I ease up she'll walk out of here without me.

"No, I'm not leaving. I never want to leave you, that's what makes me so afraid." Her words are muffled since she's buried her face into my neck but I hear them loud and clear and the blood in my veins starts moving again.

"Don't be afraid, Ana. I never _want_ you to leave. I'm not going to hurt you, not today, not tomorrow, not 20 or 30 or 70 years from now." My voice drops to a whisper as the ball of emotion and relief in my throat all but strangles me. "I can't live without you, I could never go back to that life again." I hear the catch in my voice and so does she because her arms tighten around my neck.

We stay like that until the feeling comes back to my legs. I stand to leave, her arms linked around my waist, mine around her shoulders. We look ridiculous, like a pair of lovesick puppies but I have to touch her right now, I have to know she's here with me and not leaving.

In the elevator at GEH she asks if I'm leaving the office anymore today but I'm not. I've got multiple conference calls and a few projects I need to check up on but I'll be here. I'd cancel dinner with the Pope right now if it meant she'd feel secure.

"Can I bring my laptop into your office and work from there? I won't make any noise, I promise I won't disturb you." I love the idea.

"I'd love that. And you could never disturb me, baby." We walk to her office, still linked and she gathers her computer and paperwork, handing me the contract with a disgusted face.

"I never want to see or hear about this again."_ No problem._ I shove it in my pocket and help her carry her stuff to my office, setting her up on the couch in the corner before getting her a cup of coffee. Andrea just stands there and watches me mix the cream in with an impassive stare. Yup, my girlfriend is tucked into my office on her laptop and I'm out here making her coffee. Just to fuck with her I give her a smile on my way out of the break room.

* * *

**APOV**

I tried, I really did try to push the words I read out of my mind. And it worked for all of four hours but then I woke up in a cold sweat and thought of the women who read that and then signed it. How? How did they think that was ok? How did _he_ think that was ok? He's known as a champion of women in the business world. He treats his mom, sister, grandmother and me like queens but then he writes a contract that basically pushes a woman down to subhuman levels. Did he never wonder why some women saw themselves as only worthy of that?

And that's what bothers me the most. Did his actions break these women even more? Or did this help heal them in some strange way? I'd like to believe that Christian isn't a violent man but I know he has it in him. If Hyde were here now, Christian would beat him to a bloody pulp. If I'd let him, he'd have laid out that doctor from the pool party, the quarterback and the photographer. It's always there, simmering under the surface. He can tell me that he doesn't need or want that lifestyle anymore but his actions speak otherwise.

My intention at lunch was to let him know that someone was purposefully trying to hurt me, not make him feel bad but once I started purging, I couldn't stop. I wanted to tell him I thought he was disgusting and tell him how I questioned ever being with him again but I can never say those things to him. He's far too fragile and filled with self-hate, he'd believe them instead of seeing them as words spoken out of passion.

His fear is palpable even from across the room. Every few minutes I look up and catch him staring at me, a smile on his lips but fear in his eyes. _He thinks I want to leave him still._

"Christian?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Will you come here please?" He stands and rolls his sleeves down automatically. When he reaches me I lay down on the couch and beckon him closer with my pointer finger. His surprise is as obvious as his fear. "Kiss me, here." I point to the space above my heart and he gives me a sad smile before dipping his head down and pressing his lips to the black cloth, lingering as if he could kiss away the anxiety.

"Better?"

"Yes." And in a small way, it is.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so so sorry that you have to deal with this shit. If I could go back in time, I'd do it all differently, every single day since that afternoon at her house. I'd do it totally differently."

"I know." My fingers skate over the smooth skin of his neck and circle behind his ear. "You were open from day one about all of this. I _chose_ to be with you despite it all and I am so very happy I made that choice. I'll be alright, Christian, I just need to work through it and only time is going to allow for that. Just give me time, wait for me."

"For the rest of my life if I have to, Ana. I will wait for you forever." His arms are stretched above me, his hands on the back of the couch and by my head. I know he's afraid to touch me because he thinks I'll reject him. I can reassure him with a thousand words but none of them can hold a candle to the reassurance of giving him my body.

"You know how I said I didn't want to be known as the office slut?" His face grows pensive, the gray in his eyes wild and fearful. "Well, I changed my mind. I want you. Here, now." He breathes out forcefully and gasps.

"You do? Even after," his hand waves around absently searching for the words, "all of this _bull shit_?"

"Yes. I want you, Christian." What I really want is the reassurance of our connection, the one he swears he only has with me.

He breathes my name and closes his eyes as the tension in his shoulders falls away. My fingers unbutton the shirt between us, tugging it out of his pants and pushing it open so that I can reach up and kiss him above his heart as well.

"I'm not going anywhere, Christian. I'm here because I want to be with you." He shivers when my lips latch onto his nipple and suck but still he doesn't move or open his eyes. "I'm not afraid of our future, I'm excited for it." I move to his other nipple and bite down gently, my reward a low rumbled groan that reverberates to my groin.

When I pull back his eyes fly open and the look that finds me is feral, wild, his lust barely contained in the tight muscles of his body. Sitting up half way I press another kiss to his chest and slip off my dress while he shoves his pants down to the floor. His boxer briefs are no match for his enormous penis and I see its crown, purple and wet pushing past the white Hanro waist band. My hand brushes the moisture down his shaft as I push the fabric down before sliding my hand around his butt to pull him to my mouth.

"Oh fuuuuuuck." His finger hooks in my bra and tugs. "I want this off, I want to see all of you like this. I need to see you want me." My back arches giving his hand room to unsnap my bra and it joins my dress and his pants in a pile at his feet. He shoves his left hand underneath my tiny black thongs, sliding over my lips until he pushes his middle finger inside. My whole body arches then, the sensation so sweet that I thrash my head back, releasing him with a pop.

It takes me a few seconds to find my equilibrium but when I do my mouth finds him again, sucking him to the back of my throat with a groan. He bucks against me and falls forward, hissing out something incoherent while his right hand grabs at the back of the couch for support. As I lay on my back, legs spread open for him he pumps into me stopping only long enough to pull the soaked thongs off before pushing my legs open wider, immediately resuming his wicked assault. Not once does he take his eyes off of his hand.

"Shit, Ana. I need you so much. I _need_ you, come for me, baby. Come on my hand while you suck my cock." His finger withdrawals and moves to my clit where he rubs back and forth in a furious rhythm. His hips are pumping in shallow dives, my mouth and tongue doing all they can to bring him to the peak with me. It feels so good, so wicked to be laid out like this, legs splayed wide, naked and wantsome while he watches me.

I'm right there, moaning onto his shaft as he rubs that tight bundle of nerves and just as I fall over the edge, he does too pushing in as deeply as I'll allow him. I swallow all I can, wiping at my mouth when he finally pulls out and collapses on top of me.

The reprieve is only momentary, before I can catch my breath he's sitting up and pulling my legs even further apart. I feel the wall behind the couch against my toes. He pulls my other leg out wide and pushes it up near my face, taking my hand and putting it behind my knee so that I can hold myself open.

"Like this." He says, sitting back to take the visual in. He's only barely erect but he runs his head along my cleft anyway, spreading me open and then pushing into me. A few short thrusts later and I feel him, hard and long inside.

"Again, I want you to come again." His voice is hoarse but no less demanding and the heat flows from me. I like when he's like this, I like when his need for my body makes him crazy. Sex to him communicates the emotions he doesn't understand and making me come, bringing me physical satisfaction is what puts his mind at rest. To him, it means we're ok, it means that I've accepted him and that I need him the way he needs me. I can give that to him. If sex is where he can be the most honest and open, then I can meet him here.

Over and over he sinks into me, raised on straight arms so that only our lower bodies touch. His eyes never leave mine. Instead they implore me to forgive him, beg me to not leave and ask for me to love him. His vulnerability crushes me.

"Harder, Christian." His lips press together and he plunges into me harder, his face directly above mine. "Faster." I say and he moves faster, the sheen of sweat on his brow the only evidence of his effort. My free hand grabs at his hair and pulls as I come quietly, vaguely aware of our surroundings and the people less than 20 feet away from us.

His own release follows shortly after, he doesn't slow down or ease up, he doesn't even close his eyes. Instead he looks at me, staring into my soul and giving me his. He tenses, the muscles in his jaw ticking with his bite but he doesn't blink and he doesn't make a sound. When his body stops jerking he collapses on me and lays with me for a long time as I stroke over his head and back. Our bodies are sticky with sweat and the mix of our arousals, just another thing that binds us to each other.

"If you leave me, it will end me." The words are whispered so softly into my neck that I barely hear them but I know it's the truth and the weight of his dependency falls heavily onto my shoulders.

"I'm not going anywhere." The unspoken question lingers between us, both of us unwilling to speak it.

_'For how long? How long will you put up with this shit before you leave?'_

Right now I'm not sure how'd I'd answer.

* * *

"Namaste."

"Hey Jared. You got a minute before class?"

"Yes, of course. I wanted to show you the pictures I've chosen for the site, it'll go live tonight at midnight. I'm quite pleased with how they turned out." He shows me the four that he's chosen of me. I'm pleasantly surprised to find that I don't hate them. Hell, I even _like_ one of them. There are nine pictures in total that he'll put on the studio's site and mine are only four of them. I'm hoping this makes Christian see the bigger picture and helps to chip away at his jealousy.

Wednesday nights he has a standing two hour appointment with Flynn. I'm grateful that he's occupied. I'm sure he'd be here and after Sunday, I don't think I could handle it.

"I had Brandon print a few images for you to take home and this," he holds up a flash drive, "is from Brandon for you to have. I think it's meant as a peace offering."

"Right, thanks. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I was embarrassed for the over the top jealousy that my boyfriend exhibited but after having had three days to think about it, it's not him who I have the issue with. In fact, I'm pretty damn impressed with his control. Why would you allow that guy to say something crass like that about me, your friend, and then allow him to take pictures of me?"

"Ana, I should have let him go but he's a friend and in all honesty, it caught me off guard. You know I don't appreciate anyone speaking of a female like that and given the circumstances, I was impressed with Christian's handling of the situation. Please send him my apologies as well."

It's the best I'm going to get out of him and really, it wasn't him who said it. "If you do want more pictures in the future and you want me in them, I will not work with him under any circumstance." He nods his understanding which just frustrates the hell out of me. I'm already on edge so I teach an intense class that helps me to clear my mind of the contract and helps me to center myself in preparation for my Krav class.

* * *

"Anastasia. It's good to see you again. Are you ready?"

I nod and begin the exercises, kicking and punching on demand, sweeping and rolling as he tells me. Halfway through he pauses for a water break and wipes the sweat from his brow.

"Now we'll begin." He takes a defensive stance and orders me to strike. "His name?" I say it. "Again!" I yell it this time, knowing what Eyal is looking for. "And what did Jack Hyde do to you?" My hits become more focused while I work through the words in my head.

"He attacked me."

"How?" He yells and moves behind me immediately setting off a surge of panic. His move is intentional and even though I wasn't prepared for it, I alter my stance and strike back instinctually.

"He pulled me from my car by my hair. He slammed me against the car door and tried to grab me."

"Where?" He moves again to the side but I follow and duck as he lunges.

"My breast. He tried to grab my breast and he threatened to kill me. I kicked him. It did nothing except make him angry."

"And then?" _No, no more._ "Anastasia! And then?" He yells and grabs my hair but I turn and chop his throat on reflex. He's prepared but still gives me a nod of approval. "Answer me." He yells. My hands drop along with my face but I answer him.

"He pulled me to a corner of the lot that was dark." His own arms fall so that I know he's no longer sparring with me. Instead he holds one hand in the other and waits for me. "He pulled me to the ground and then he licked my face." My stomach roils and Sawyer is next to me in a second pulling me to the bathroom where I throw up in the toilet.

"I'm sorry." I manage between heaves but he says nothing. His hand rests on my back until I'm finished and then he sits heavily on the floor, his arms resting on his bent knees, his hands hanging between them. He's got a distant look in his eyes and we sit there, feet to feet for a minute before he gets up and pulls me into an embrace.

"I'm sorry he touched you at all. I will never allow it to happen again." He releases me and brushes his hands over my shoulders nervously. Sawyer is even taller than Christian and probably a good 50 pounds heavier but right now he looks just as small as I feel.

"I'm just glad you were there. I can't ever express to you what you mean to me, what you'll always mean to me. You saved my life, Luke and I don't know how to say thank you for that." He comes back then from wherever his mind had taken him and smiles down, rubbing the top of my head like a brother would.

"That was thanks enough. Watching you fight out there and hearing you work through this shit, that's all I need." He smiles again and crosses his arms. "This stays private. I can't let the guys know I almost cried on the floor of the bathroom like a girl." I laugh then, a garbled laugh that echoes off the tile walls.

"I won't say anything. I mean it though, I really am so thankful to you." He shrugs and opens the door where Eyal is waiting.

"Ana, that's enough for tonight. You did well. Next time you will go further. Mr. Sawyer, it would stand to reason that you may benefit from this exercise as well. Since your other security officer is stationed outside, I would suggest that you take advantage of the lesson."

Sawyer grins and shakes his hand before grabbing my bag by the door and speaking into his sleeve to let Prescott know that we're on our way out. The crowd outside has thinned since I first arrived and I'm oddly proud of myself when I ignore them and get in the car without counting how many of them there were. I'm getting used to this stupidity.

"Is Christian back at the apartment yet?"

"Yes, Taylor said he arrived about 30 minutes ago."

* * *

The apartment smells wonderful when I walk in. There are a few candles lit and at the table are two plates of shrimp scampi. Christian puts the salad bowl in the middle of the table and smiles big, walking over to me and picking me up to spin me around.

"I love this. I can't even describe to you how fucking happy I am that you just walked in. Come on, you must be starving after your day."

"Don't tell me you cooked that?" I stand and point, a look of disbelief on my face.

"No, but I did heat up the bread and mix the salad dressing in." He gives me a worried look. "I hope you like balsamic."

"Love it." He looks happy enough to fly away.

"Flynn is desperate to meet you." He sops up the sauce with a crust of bread and chews it before continuing. "I'm pretty sure he thinks I've made you up. Finally cracked for good and made up a girlfriend who's better than a super hero."

"A super hero who can't defend herself!" His chewing stops and he rests his hand on mine. I was half joking but the half truth of it is all he hears.

"Hey, you'll get there. Eyal said you're making enormous progress." Of course he'd be getting reports. "Anyway, Flynn would like for you to come in one day. Not to pick your brain but to meet you and answer any questions you may have." My head cocks to the side. "I told him about today. Not just today but about all of the bullshit you've had to endure because of me and my previous lifestyle."

"And what did he say?"

"He thinks you're remarkable and he wants to meet you. But he also said that you needed to speak to your own therapist about your insecurities and that you could ask him anything you wanted to know about me. I gave him a signed document and everything so that you could speak freely to him."

His hands take mine and he pulls me onto his lap. "I want this to work more than anything I have ever wanted in my entire life, Anastasia. I will do whatever it takes, anything it takes to get you and I where we need to be." His eyes light up and he dumps me back in my chair, quickly retrieving two large white binders from the counter.

"Speaking of which, I have a decorator coming in on Sunday. I'd like to warm up the place a bit, make it more home and less mausoleum. I was hoping you'd help, if I ask Mia I'll wind up in a pink Barbie palace."

I have to laugh because he's right. She's beautiful and classy but everything she wears is pink right down to the pink rims on her car.

"Christian, I have no idea how to decorate." Does he think I'm moving in? Is this why he's asking?

"I just want your input on colors, Gia can do the decorating. I want you to sign off on all of it though." He's hopeful, like a little boy but I need him to know I'm not moving in right now. I've hardly had time to think about anything let alone a huge decision like that.

"I'll help, I'd love to help but I do so under the awareness on your part that this doesn't mean I'm moving in. I haven't made a decision about that yet." He grins and kisses my lips quickly.

"I know. I was thinking blue for the bedroom." _God he's exhausting._

"Oh! I have something for you. Jared apologized," he stands straight, arms crossed and scowls down at me, "oh stop that right now. My god you're like a gorilla when you stand like that. Anyway, he said basically that you were right and that he should have handled it differently. He had Brandon print these four photos for you to have. These are the ones he originally picked to go on the website tonight."

Before I can continue his fingers grab the envelope out of my hand so fast I almost get a paper cut. He studies each one before shaking his head. I know this look, his lips are going to press together, yup, there they go and next his jaw is going to start ticking. Onto his hair…

"No. No. No No No NO. You cannot put that picture on the site for the world to see. No!" I don't need to look to know which one he's referring to. It's the way I'm looking at the camera that bothers him, not so much the clothes or the poses. "Either you call him or I'm calling him but that picture is not going on the site."

"This is what I'm talking about!" He stops and stills. "You can't tell me what I can and can't do and you can't tell him either! God! Does everyone in your world just do whatever you say?" His lips purse and he sneers.

"They did until you came along."

"Well, I find it strangely satisfying to _disobey_ you. Welcome to the real world, Mr. Grey." His hands run over his face and he sits with his elbows on his knees and then smiles at me sweetly.

"Sweetheart, I'm not comfortable with this particular picture. The others are bad enough but in this picture, you're basically asking the camera to fuck you. I don't want other men looking at you like that." He tries to keep his voice monotone but he fails in the end, enunciating the word fuck and increasing his volume with each word after it.

"Well my adorable oaf, you're in luck. I happen to agree with you and voiced my concern after having time to think about it during class. Jared has agreed to use a picture of the same pose but taken from a different angle so that I'm not looking directly at the camera. I have a flash drive, from the photographer _for you_, that shows the shot Jared agreed to use in this one's place."

"Well played, Ms. Steele. You just saved your ass a spanking." He stands and reaches for me. "Come, we'll look at them in the library on the big screen." I squeal with delight. I love the library in this place, it's the one room I can't imagine making any changes to. My world turns upside down when he throws me over his shoulder and slaps my butt.

"Oaf? I can be an oaf. Come on wench, I want to see these pictures."

* * *

**CPOV**

The minute Sawyer leaves with Ana to take her to the Pilates studio I take out that damn contract and read it for confirmation of its origin. Four words confirm what I already know. Vaginal fisting. Anal fisting. Only my original contracts had these soft limits and my original contracts were the ones Elena would have the girls sign herself.

As our system became more sophisticated I would hand the girls the contract directly at our initial meeting and then take my copy immediately. After attempting those two acts a total of one time, I struck them off the list entirely. Outside of humiliation, I found no need to partake in those particular activities, humiliation has never been one of my things.

This contract came from Elena. Ana knows it, I know it.

"Welch, where are we on finding out who the kid is and on the banking issue?"

"No further, Sir. She's done very little outside of her home and Esclava since you pulled the plug on her. It's almost as if she's circling the drain getting ready to die."

"No. She's up to something and she's getting ready for war. I need to move on this and now."

"Mr. Grey, due respect, we've got jack shit to bring to the Feds. You know and I know that the kid is underage but without proof, they're not going to do anything. The fake social security numbers? The bank manager will get more jail time then she will. I know you're eager but we don't want to fuck this up. Sir."

In a spectacular fit of rage I threaten to fire him, his staff and every person he's got working on this case. "Get me something now!"

On the way home I hand Taylor the contract and tell him to figure out if anyone outside of Elena could have sent it.

"Ms. Steele has seen this then?"

"Yes. She was…less than pleased. I want it destroyed once you've processed it." His face is as impassive as ever but his body language suggests that he's got quite a bit to say. "Speak freely, Taylor, I know you want to."

The wheel turns under his hands. "It's none of my business, sir."

"I want to hear it." I see him check me out in the rearview mirror. I've asked his opinion on things of a personal nature three times since he's been employed and all three times were about a gift for my sister.

"It's better that she know everything up front. Hitting her with all of this early on is hard for her now but in the long run, it's for the best. A woman like Ms. Steele lives in the real world and doesn't build her relationships on half-truths. If she read that and didn't run for the hills, you'd better find a way to keep her." _I know._

"I'm working on it."

Gail gives me instructions on how to reheat dinner since I'm going to wait for Ana and then she and Taylor head into their quarters. Gia has dropped off the books of color wheels and paint chips for us to start looking over but I want to wait to do that with Ana as well. There are still a few little things of hers in the guest room from when Ray stayed here so I busy myself by moving the random pieces of clothing to my closet.

In the bathroom I chuckle at my toothbrush. In fine point marker she's written along the length of it;

**'You are sweet'**

She killed herself on that one this morning standing there with toothpaste on her mouth laughing. 'Get it? Sweet? On a toothbrush? Get it?' _God I love her._

At 7:30 I heat the bread up and turn the stove on to reheat the scampi. I'm impressed with myself and become even more so when the bread doesn't burn. My baby is coming home to _me_ tonight. Despite all that happened today, despite the things she read and the conflicting emotions she's experiencing, Ana is coming home to me. I feel like an idiot but a big part of me wants to jump and click my heels together like the chimney sweeper in that Mary Poppins movie Mia liked. I'm just that damn happy.

I'm that damn happy until she shows me the picture, the picture I knew was going to be a problem. Absofuckinglutely not will I allow this to go online. Every schmuck in the world will jerk himself to this. NO. I will figure out a way to crash the internet if she goes through with this, Barney's got to know how to do that.

And then she called me a gorilla and an oaf? Oh, her ass is mine tonight. Between the anxiety brought on by the contract and now these pictures, I need a good session of hard fucking. Keep talking, baby, it's just getting me harder.

In the library we drink a bottle of wine as I scroll through 384 pictures of my girlfriend in spandex, posing in positions that show off the lines of her body and just how flexible she is. I don't know if it's the wine or simply the fact that the woman in these photos is the same one in this room but I almost don't care who sees these right now. She is so fucking hot I can barely believe she's real.

When she returns from the bathroom I've paused the slideshow on the 'downward dog' position. How aptly named.

"I want to see this one in person. Naked." Her brows form that V that I've come to love and she giggles. _Bad move, baby._

"What? Get out of here! I just did two hours of workouts plus I haven't showered from our time in the office." Who the hell cares? _Just get naked and bend over._

"Ana. Take off the clothes and get in that position. I didn't ask for a rundown of your day."

Her arms cross over her chest but that only fuels the desire churning in my gut. Bringing defiant Ana to heel is one of my biggest turn ons and bringing defiant Ana to heel in a pair of yoga pants? Sexual Nirvana.

"Is this Dom Christian?" My brain is screaming at me,_ be careful! Handle gently here, Grey!_

"No, this is your boyfriend Christian who wants you to strip and bend." Her brows knit again, the V forming between them momentarily but enough so that my dick turns to granite.

"What if I _want_ Dom Christian?" _What the fuck?_ My dick just shot off my body and is at her feet begging for mercy. She wants me to dominate? After what she read today? Is this for real or is this her fear talking?

"Ana, I'll be whoever you want me to be but only if it's what _you_ want, not what you think _I_ want. I just want you." She struggles to find the right words but I'm not going to help her with this, she needs to figure out on her own what it is she's comfortable with.

"But, you like that, the domination. I take serious issue with the owned, servant, property aspect of what I saw today." So she can't say contract, obviously we're not finished there. "But I like when you take over in the bedroom. I don't really know what I'm doing yet and when you touch me, I lose all sense of reasoning, it's almost like I can't think for myself. I like that." She's blushing from her hairline to her knees and I can't take it anymore but then she bites that bottom lip and I snap, I will do anything she wants, be anything she wants so long as she lets me fuck her right now.

"Then take off your clothes and get in that position." She stands still for another few seconds, the wheels in her head spinning wildly but then her shoulders toss back and she lifts the hem of her shirt over her head followed by her bra and then moves to take off the pants.

"No!" I start towards her as every memory I have of her in those tight yoga pants over the last few months comes barreling back. "I've wanted to peel these off of you since the first Sunday we spent together."

"Really?"

"Ana, you have no idea how many showers I had to take just to get these pants out of my mind." Her arms reach up and unbutton my shirt. This is definitely not normal Dom behavior but I just don't give a shit, it feels great to have her undress me.

"Do cold showers really work or is that a myth?"

"With you? A myth. A total myth." The shirt slips off of my shoulders and she reaches for my belt, immediately cupping my balls when her hand slides inside my pants. "Mmmmm, that feels nice."

"So you, you did that to yourself? And you thought of me?"

"Masturbated, Ana. Say it with me. Masturbated. Good, that wasn't so hard now was it?" She rolls her eyes and I answer her by landing a good hard smack on her now bare ass. She screeches and grabs onto my upper arms. "And yes, I thought about you constantly. Still do."

"What exactly did you think about?" _This is tricky. _There has got to be a handbook somewhere for these conversations. Maybe Elliot knows where I can get one.

"Well, I've always promised you honesty so here it is. In the beginning, I thought of you in my playroom, tied up and bound, begging me to fuck you. But then I'd start thinking of you wherever we were. In the grocery store, in Starbucks, on my desk, on the couch in my office." I wink, she blushes. "In my restaurant. That was the worst, I had such a rager that entire night I was sure the table was elevated. I must have jerked off three times when I got home."

"You thought about the couch in your office? And then made it happen?"

"Well, technically _you_ made it happen but yes, I can say with honesty that I've imagined having sex with you on any surface you can think of."

Her hands twist a bit and she bites that lip again. _Damn, stop talking, start bending._ "Your office? Did you...do things before in there?" Elation. I am elated to answer this because I know it will make her happy.

"Nope. Never even had one of them in the building let alone my office. Only ever you, Ana." She all but jumps up and down.

"And do you still…_masturbate_?" She whispers the word and I laugh out loud.

"I don't need to, I have you here with me now. All the things I thought about I can do now."

"Not all of them."

"No." I say softly. "Not all of them. Now bend over and do that thing you're doing in the picture."

She bends with her ass high in the air, her palms flat on the floor.

"I'm going to play a bit, nothing harsh, just little swats here and there and then, Ana, then I'm going to fuck you hard."

_God her ass is perfection._ I can't wait to claim it one of these days. _Slow down, Grey,_ you start talking like that and she will definitely run for the hills. My hands glide over the curve of her thigh and stroke inwards where it meets her slit. She's wet, I can see the glistening of her cream between her legs. Damn, I wanted to play for a bit but now I just want to get inside of her. It's the same problem every time I'm with her. I want her too much.

My index and ring finger slide between her legs and pinch her shut, rolling the puffy flesh between my fingers. When she begins to moan I land my hand on each of her cheeks in a quick succession ending with a direct light slap to her mound.

"Oh god." She groans and I do it again, all the while my fingers are pinching and rubbing but never penetrating between those slippery folds. My cock is begging for attention, aching and heavy with the want of her. Lining myself up I carefully enter her, the heat and tightness of her body bringing me immediately to the edge.

"So good, Ana. You feel so good. I want you so much." I touch her nowhere else but at our joining and watch with lustful satisfaction as I move in and out of her. She gasps loudly and cries out 'No!' when I pull out but before the sound finishes I land my palm against the place I was just inside and she rocks back, looking for more.

"Hands on the ground, Ana! My fingers resume their sensual pinching but now I gather her cream on my hand and rub it on myself to get a bit of relief. My left hand continues to land soft blows to her cheeks, not quite a spanking but enough to take the edge off of my need to control. Every few times my hand lands directly on that pink pouting apex.

"Spread your legs a bit further, that's perfect. So hot, so beautiful. Now tell me what you want. Say the words, Anastasia. Even the dirty ones." I'm stroking myself as I watch her tremble with each slap to the top of her slit. She's moaning constantly now as my right hand flattens and lightly taps on her closed lips over and over again.

"Oh god, yes, I...I...oh, oh."

"The words, Anastasia. Say the words."

She cries out, "Fuck me! Fuck me, Christian please!" and then she comes before I have a chance to. She floods my hand, coating it in her wetness and as the last screams of her ecstasy wane I slam into her, rushing out her breath and sheathing myself deep. She can't see me but I mark myself anyway and smear her wetness over my heart. It's new to me, I'd never even thought of marking myself before but it does something to me. I feel claimed by her even though I've done this to myself.

I come within a minute of pounding into her, so turned on by the position, the sight, the sounds, the smells, it all combines into one perfect mix of sex for me. I cry her name at the last spasm and sink to the floor with her in my arms.

My chest is heaving and burning along with hers. After a minute she speaks and it's so low I strain to hear her.

"I like that side of you. I can't promise the hard stuff, it holds no appeal to me but I never thought I'd like spanking either and I do."

I blow her hair away from my face and kiss her neck.

"I will take you anyway I can get you, Ana. Anything you'll give to me I'll take so long as it's given freely and because you want to. In the end, as long as I have you, I have everything I'll ever need."


	31. Chapter 31

**CPOV**

"Why, exactly are we doing this and not Gail?"

"Because grocery shopping relaxes me and after my appointment with Dr. Fischer this morning, I need it. Plus, I have to deal directly with that asshole Tsang today." She drops the mango she had been holding and turns to me quickly. "Do you know that misogynistic douchebag asked if I had a male counterpart he could speak with?"

I did know that actually. Ros was in on the last call along with four men from the Chinese team and shot me an email the minute the words left his mouth.

"Ros basically told him to go to hell but since she's a woman too, he ignored her. What happens to their jobs once you take over these companies?" She resumes her mango squeezing and hands me the three she deems acceptable so that I can put them in our basket.

"Well, the contract, as it is now, guarantees their positions for three years and then offers them a golden parachute should I choose to not retain them past that point. Shizu will keep his position as the President but will no longer be accountable to a board of directors. Instead he'll be accountable to me directly and that's the part that he's most uncomfortable with."

"Ugh. So you'll have to deal with them for at least three years? I am so over men thinking women aren't their equals." I remain silent, after our disastrous lunch yesterday I'm not going anywhere near the topic of women's equality with Anastasia.

I had a lot of time to think once she fell asleep last night. Part of me marveled that she was tucked up against me after the things she had read and then made assumptions about but another part of me started to really get pissed.

Contracts, guidelines, limits, those things had always been part of my relationships with women inside the bedroom. I knew, subconsciously that it wasn't the way most relationships ran but it was all I knew. And it worked for me and those women for years. I had never had a woman upset with the wording, I had never been questioned on the way I viewed women. In fact, it was a _woman_ who assisted me in drafting the damn contract to begin with.

When Elena and I started there was no contract. She knew I couldn't bear to be touched and promised not to. I was so inexperienced sexually that I couldn't possibly have given her my hard or soft limits since I hadn't experienced any of them and in truth, she never gave me the option to choose what happened to me.

In fact, it wasn't until she wanted to sub for me that a contract came into play in our relationship and even then it was only the limits that we discussed. When I was her sub I didn't know any better, I just did what I was told, when I was told, how I was told. The rules were unspoken but they were there.

When I terminated my time with Elena she offered to help me find a suitable woman to take her place and then handed me a generic contract, much like the one she sent Anastasia. I tweaked a few things here and there, some Doms require their subs to be collared or marked in some way and I had no interest in that but overall, the contract is pretty tame compared to others.

The point in that contract was to cover all the bases so that the parameters of any interaction, both socially, emotionally and physically were covered. And yes, reading it over now as an objective nonparticipant, I can see why she was upset. I can understand why she would think that my views on women were insulting and offensive; I can even understand why she's having a hard time separating out the two men represented by it. What I can't do is make her see how the contract was a protection to both me and the women involved.

It clearly spelled out what they were agreeing to and gave them the option, up front, as to whether or not they wanted to continue. There were no misunderstandings because we worked out every point before we ever even touched. It protected both of us physically and emotionally.

"What did you and Dr. Fischer talk about?" She huffs and I rush to add, "You obviously don't need to tell me anything." What I want to know is if she talked to her about the contract.

She slits her eyes and hands me four limes and then grabs my forearm. "Kiss me."

"What? Why?" She reaches up and plants a kiss I'd deem indecent for the produce section but it fires up my libido enough that I just don't care. "Damn. What was that for?" She motions with her head towards a woman at the deli counter.

"That woman hasn't taken her eyes off of you since we walked in and just now she took out her damn phone to take a picture. Bitch." Whatever Ana and the therapist spoke about, it's pissed her off. We continue to shop in silence, I'm obviously not getting an answer as to what happened at her appointment.

At the checkout she uncharacteristically skips the small talk with the cashier and then throws the bags in the car for Sawyer to take back to Escala. It's 10 in the morning but she plugs in her phone and blasts the Beastie Boys 'Sabotage' as loud as she can switching to Metallica's 'Sad but True' as soon as it's over.

"OK, what's going on?" There are people filing past us in the parking garage at Grey House but I'm not getting out or letting her get out of this car before I know what's bothering her. She rubs her face furiously and then leans her head back on the seat.

"I'm pissed, mostly at myself." She lowers the seat so that she's lying down and pulls a Reece's out of her purse. _Oh shit._ "Like I said, Christian, it's going to take some time for me to work out what I now know to be your archaic and offensive views on women when it came to your sexual relationships." _How long?_ As if she can read my thoughts she mutters to herself, "It's been two days for Christ's sake."

"Ana, it was all I knew." She closes her eyes and reaches into her bag for another chocolate.

"Please. That's such a crock of shit. I don't need to tell you that feigned ignorance isn't excusable when you're telling a human being that you own them and that they can't look at you." She sits up, her purse spilling all over the floor in front of her. Without looking she reaches down and growls, shoving chapsticks, tampons, papers and gum back in. "Fuck! I'm out of Reece's!" And with that she opens the door and walks towards the entrance. Dr. Fischer is about to get fired.

I have to hurry to catch up to her and for the first time since we've met, the elevator ride to the top floor is quiet, not because we're fighting our desire for each other but because I'm pretty sure if I so much as sneeze she's going to go ballistic. Angry Ana is scary Ana.

"Good morning, Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey. Can I get you a coffee?" Ana immediately softens and smiles, the first I've seen since I dropped her off at her appointment.

"Thank you, Andrea that would be great. We didn't get the chance to stop at Starbucks this morning." Her body turns to me and she softens further. "Can I talk to you in your office for a minute?"

"Of course, you don't need to ask. Jacqueline, please bring me the Inteligent file in five minutes."

Once the door shuts her shoulders slump but she walks to me and wearily rests her head on my chest and lifts her arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry." She whispers. "I believe you when you say you don't think poorly of women in general, I'm just having a tough time accepting what you and those women agreed to. Dr. Fischer thinks that perhaps I should do some research into BDSM so that I can understand the relationship between a Dom and a sub."

"Ana, I can tell you anything you need to know." Her nose rubs against my sternum.

"No, I don't want to ask you, it's too…painful to know you'd be answering from experience. I need an objective third party so I think I'll take some time at Rays this weekend and see what I can find on the internet."

"Promise me one thing." Those clear green eyes stare up at me sadly. "Promise me that you'll ask me anything you need to and that you won't jump to conclusions before we speak about it." She nods and then pulls away.

"I promise." She walks over to the SmartBoard in the conference area and turns it on, writing with the stylus;

**'You are good for me'**

Am I? She's confused and upset because of me. Am I good for her or am I doing exactly what I was afraid of and breaking her little by little? I'm too selfish to let her go and I'm too afraid to ask so I opt for a topic change instead. _Coward._

"I can't wait to see what you've got planned for tomorrow and Saturday when we're apart." She pouts her lips and sighs, picking off imaginary lint on my suit jacket.

"What time will you be home anyway?"

"I'm scheduled to land at SeaTac at 10 on Saturday night. You'll be back by then, right?"

"Yes, I told Ray I'd be leaving after dinner so I'll be back around 9 or so. I'm still driving my car." Normally I'd argue this with her but right now even I know I'd lose that battle and create a new one in the process.

"Why else would you have a car if not to drive it?" She rolls her eyes and kisses me quickly before turning to go.

* * *

"Good evening, Mr. Grey. Can I open those for you?" Gail greets me at the door and takes the wine that Taylor and I have picked up on the way home for the dinner party Ana and I are throwing tonight. It blew my mind to stand in the specialty shop and pick out the wine for a dinner party that _my_ girlfriend and I are hosting in _my_ apartment with two of her guy friends. I'd successfully blocked out the fact that they'd be here tonight but as the day wore on the now familiar pangs of jealousy had their way.

I spent the better part of today with my legal counsel in the hopes of putting Elena Lincoln in jail but nothing we had was enough to do much damage. Welch just sat back when he heard the verdict and wisely didn't make eye contact with me. If that wasn't enough, I waited up until four in the morning for that damn website to go live with the updated pictures of Ana.

At midnight I logged on as she slept peacefully next to me but it wasn't until close to four that the site updated. I was not happy to see that the first picture that pops up is of Ana but I was relieved that the picture I objected to had been replaced. After searching every page on the site and finding myself satisfied that Jared had in fact kept to just the four we approved of, I shut the computer down and tried to fall asleep.

I couldn't. All I could think about was the men around the world who would see her in those positions in clothes that barely covered her body. My mind went into overdrive and wouldn't shut off. Only after I woke her at six and pulled her tight to me, sliding into her warm body until all I could think about was the amazing sensation and the soft woman beneath me did I find relief from my thoughts.

The 45 minutes I slept while she got ready has left me agitated and exhausted. And now, on top of those fucking pictures I have to entertain two men who I know want what's mine.

"Hey baby!" she greets me when I walk into the kitchen. My agitation turns to boiling rage when I see the leather pants and fitted black blouse she's put on. Without thinking I kiss her and then pull her to the hallway, away from Gail's ears.

"What are you wearing?" Her face, so bright and happy falls along with her shoulders.

"Clothes. For a dinner party. Excuse me." Her little frame tries to pass me but I'm not finished.

"Change." Full on anger covers her face.

"Change? _Change?_ I'm sorry, I guess you've forgotten that I didn't sign your contract. You don't get to tell me what to wear. Or eat, or say or look at." My eyes betray me because she laughs then. "Yea, not your sub, remember?" I can actually feel the itch on my palm.

"Ana, there are going to be four men here. I don't want my girlfriend parading around in skin tight leather pants for them to ogle." I don't know if I sound desperate or what it is but she kisses my jaw and pats my chest.

"Christian, I want to wear these pants. I put them on because I thought _you'd_ like them. The four men who are coming are coming with their own girlfriends. If one of them shows up in a skimpy dress, are you going to be ogling them or are you faithful to me even with your mind?"

"It's only ever you, Ana. But not all guys are like that."

"I get that but I like to think that the men in my life are good guys. You are going to have to learn to control your jealousy." I want to laugh in her face at that. Has she seen herself? Does she know the effect she has on men or is she that naïve that it doesn't cross her mind that she's an object of desire?

"How? How do I stop caring that men are eye fucking you?"

"Well, for starters you can believe that the same way you only think of me, I only think of you. I love you and I'm faithful to you in all ways possible. There are _always_ going to be women who want you and men who want me, it's part of life. If I demanded that you stop wearing suits to work because they make you look insanely hot, would you do it?"

"Ana, that's different."

"No, it's not. Everywhere we go there are women who check you out, blatantly, even though I'm standing right there! Should I be angry with _you_ and fly off the handle each time some chick checks you out? Should I demand that you conform to what I want because some woman at the grocery store this morning was 'eye fucking' you?"

I have no answer to that. I don't give two shits about the woman from the grocery store or any woman for that matter. I only care about Ana.

"Insanely hot, huh?" She rolls her eyes and damn if the itch on my palm doesn't start to burn.

"Yes, _insanely _hot. Now come on, I need to finish the tomato salad and you need to light the candles." And just like that she walks back to the kitchen, her leather clad ass swaying behind her.

Missy and Logan are the first to arrive. He shakes my hand and then gives Ana a quick kiss on the cheek before following me to the balcony where Gail has set up the bar with mojitos and vodka tonics. I still haven't figured out how I feel about Missy. She's brass and loud but she's also the most open person I've ever met. Normally I'd find her as annoying as they come but when I watch Ana with her, I find that the very same traits that annoy me are the ones that I appreciate the most.

Her crass humor and blunt verbiage make Ana laugh so hard she cries. _I want to do that for her._

Elliot and Kate show up with Mia and Ethan soon after to join us on the balcony.

"Dude, a dinner party? She's got you by the short and curlies alright." He's so dumb I can't help but laugh at him. "What? She does! Don't even tell me this was your idea, you've lived here for what, six years and this is the first time we've been here for dinner outside of your birthday." He looks around and turns back to me. "Where's her purse?"

"Why?"

"I want to get your balls back." I laugh loudly at that one. I can't even deny it and he knows it.

"You were too annoying before to hang out with." He chokes on his drink and laughs.

"_I_ was too annoying? _Me?_ I was having a cape made for _you_. 'Captain Asshole'" Mia hits his arm and gives me a quick hug.

"Ignore him. I, for one, am so glad to see you happy and Ana is awesome. Perfect for you."

"Yea, and she can fill out a pair of leather pants pretty well too." My jaw sets tight and I clench my fists but Elliot reaches for Kate and kisses her cheek. "Get yourself a pair of those pants Ana has on will you, Katie girl?"

"Jose!" Ana stands and walks towards him, hugging his girlfriend before hugging him. I watch his eyes and his hands carefully but not once does he check out her ass or touch her inappropriately though even the brief hug they exchanged made me want to punch his face in.

* * *

**APOV**

"Mr. Grey, thank you so much for opening your home to us." My heart seizes when Jose stretches his hand towards Christian but Christian reaches back immediately and smiles.

"Call me Christian. _We're_ glad you could come." To anyone else it sounded normal but I could hear the slight inflection on the word we're. "Rachel, it's lovely to see you again. Can I get you a vodka tonic or one of these mojitos?"

For now things are going well. I'm snuggled up to Christian, his arm securely wrapped around my waist as we talk to Kate and Elliot about their upcoming trip. It's still crazy to see Kate like this, committed to one man and in love.

"I'm having some updates done to the apartment over the next few weeks." Elliot looks at him over the rim of his drink.

"Who's doing the work?" Christian points to me.

"Ana will choose what she wants and I've hired Gia Matteo to oversee the project." Elliot's eyebrows raise and my inner alarm goes off. Gia has history somewhere here.

"Isn't she more of an architect?"

"She's a project manager for an architectural and decorating firm. She's been vetted already and has already worked with me so it was an easy choice." Elliot looks away and reaches for another drink just as Gail calls us in for dinner.

"What's that about?" I whisper to Christian.

"Later."

Christian resumes his role as head of household and takes the seat at the head of the table, pulling out the chair to his right for me. It's no accident that Elliot is closest to him on the other side.

"Jose how is your show going?"

"Great, besides the photos that they Grey brothers bought I've sold 19 more." Christian swallows his appetizer and speaks with a kindness I've not seen him extend to other males before.

"Don't forget your commission to Grey House. I'd like to schedule a meeting in the next few weeks to get that started." Jose is beaming. My hand finds Christians leg under the table and squeezes in appreciation.

"I didn't know you did that." He smiles and leans over to me.

"If you told me two months ago I'd be having dinner with him and conducting business with him, I'd have laughed you out the door." He takes another bite. "It's the Ana effect. See, I'm trying."

"Rachel, what do you do for a living?"

"I work for Interpol but I'm on sabbatical right now."

"The crime organization?" Logan asks, clearly as impressed as I am. She throws back a laugh and looks at him to answer him directly.

"Well, actually, it's a crime _fighting_ organization."

Kate's ears prick up. I'm surprised she doesn't whip out a tape recorder. "What do you do? Why are you on sabbatical?"

"I work to fight human trafficking." My stomach drops at the imagined vulgarities she must come across on a daily basis. A respected hush blankets the table as she explains in the briefest terms what she does and how she ended up in Seattle.

"My partner and I were on a six month stint in Romania up until three months ago. When we were ready to…wrap things up there was a bit of an altercation that resulted in the both of us getting a six month paid vacation." She sips her wine, tipping the cup to Christian in appreciation of the vintage before looking at Jose.

"Did the case wrap favorably?" Christian asks.

She smiles but her thoughts are far off. "It did but the trials haven't started yet. I'll be back in Lyon for the court appearances and required testimony in four months. Until then, I get to relax here."

"And how did you wind up in Seattle if you're from Dublin?" Kate just can't help herself.

"My uncle moved here over 20 years ago. I've got family in Dublin but when you're involved in a case like that, you always fear retribution of some sort and Seattle is far enough away that I don't have those concerns." Thankfully Kate doesn't ask what happens to Jose when she goes back. After a few more benign questions she shifts the attention away from herself and onto Mia who goes on and on about her new job until Elliot interrupts her.

"I saw Mrs. Lincoln yesterday, she was with a real estate agent looking at the building on Sixth Avenue I'm bidding on." The temperature of the mood changes immediately and after an hour of easy and jovial conversation I'm saddened that she has yet again spoiled something so normal and nice for us.

"Why would she be there?" Elliot shrugs and shoves a spoonful of mango sorbet in his mouth.

"I'm pretty sure she was looking to buy it. You know what surprised me the most though?" His spoon waves in the air but his eyes settle on Christian. "She seemed happy to have run into me. Usually you want to avoid running into the person you're bidding against but she almost seemed giddy. Made sure to come over and say hello and told me that she was going to see if you wanted to go in on the building with her. Shocked the hell out of me after your run in on Monday at moms house."

My head just about explodes and one look at Christian confirms that his is about to as well. I've never seen his face so red or so tense.

"She's delusional if she thinks I'd go into business with her ever again. I wouldn't piss on her if she were on fire." Missy howls with laughter but Rachel's brows knit with confused concern.

"Who is this woman?" she asks in her Irish lilt. Kate jumps in before anyone else can, eating her dessert and carelessly flicking her hand as if Elena Lincoln was no more than a buzzing fly.

"An old jealous bitch. She actually had the balls to tell Mr. and Mrs. Grey that our Anastasia here was after him for his _money_. _AND_ she insinuated that she's a gold digger with a line of broken wealthy men behind her." _What the fuck?_

I hear Christian's sharp intake of breath but I don't dare look at him. He had to have known this, hell, Kate knew about it. My hand pulls away from his leg to twist in my own lap but he makes no attempt to hold it anyway. I'm blindsided yet again.

"When did she say that, Kate?" Kate's eyes grow wide and the spoon makes a slow pull out of her mouth as her face turns to me.

"You didn't know about it?" she breathes and then looks at Christian who is shooting fire out of his eyes at her. Elliot leans back and runs his hand over his face but says nothing. Her mouth settles into a thin line and her arms cross over her chest but she doesn't break her eye contact with Christian. She's as pissed as I am.

"Before the Coping Together Event so when was that, a month ago?"

"Yes." I grit out and then not wanting to ruin the night I pretend to laugh it off but these are my friends, they know that I'm upset. Jose finally throws me a lifeline and both Christian and I grab it.

"Can you imagine, our Annie here caring at all about money? I mean, _Kate_, sure, I can see that. But _Ana_?" Kate tosses her napkin at him playfully and the conversation resumes to catching up on gossip about old friends from college. I do my best to join in but inside I'm a dangerous mixture of steaming mad and deeply embarrassed.

Christian is speaking in a low timbre to Elliot so that I can't hear the conversation but it's clear to me that Elliot is not happy with whatever he's hearing. When I rise to clear the dishes Rachel stands immediately and follows me into the kitchen, grabbing plates along the way.

"Ana, I wanted to talk to you if I may." My whole body goes rigid, I swear if she says she's uncomfortable with me and Jose I will scream bloody murder right now. She hands me the dishes and leans against the counter while I load them into the dishwasher.

"Jose told me what happened to you." That familiar pit opens up in my stomach but I stand and look at her, giving her a little nod so that she knows to continue. "I don't know the details, I don't think Jose does either but I felt like I should say something to you. That case my partner and I were working on, when we had enough evidence to arrest we approached a particular house that we'd been watching. When I was waiting for the signal to enter, a man, one of the men we were going to arrest actually, attacked me from behind." The pit becomes sinkhole. She gives me a minute to take it in, quietly assessing my mood but I'm stone faced and still.

"I froze. I've been trained by the most prestigious military schools, I'm a black belt in three martial arts and have taken extensive training in street fighting. I can assemble, load and accurately shoot an M16 in less than 55 seconds but I froze. It took me close to a minute before I began to react in any way that was defensive. It happens, it doesn't mean you've lost your power, it means you've been caught off-guard and that you need to regroup."

I let the words sink in and then finish loading the dishwasher. Finally I stand and look at her.

"I froze too. I'm working on it but it's not easy. The man I'm working with has me yelling as loudly as I can what…Hyde said to me and what he did to me. I _hate_ it. Hearing my own voice like that, I sound so fearful."

"He's making you say the words because once the words are out, once you get them out of you they can't hold you back and haunt you anymore. Words are a powerful thing. They can be used to build someone up or to cut someone down. They can start wars and end them, they can love and they can hate. But when we own them they only have as much power as we give them and your words, your thoughts are holding you hostage to that night. Get them out and you take back your power."

I grunt, in so many words, that exactly what I've been telling Christian about his own self-made prison.

"Thank you, Rachel."

"Anytime." She turns to go but I call her back.

"What happened to the guy?" She breathes in but doesn't breathe out as she debates telling me. Once she makes her decision she shrugs her shoulders and clasps her hands together.

"I put a bullet in his gut. I had no other option. He died an hour later and I felt guilty as shit for all of 45 minutes. Then we began pulling out girl after girl from his basement. They were filthy and starved. You want to talk about victims? Turned out to be the best day of my life. And, we got sabbatical because of it and I met Jose." She gives me a 'so there ya go' grin and walks back to the table.

I officially have a girl crush.

* * *

**CPOV**

"You didn't fucking tell her what Elena said?"

"It's none of your damn business Elliot, you should focus on shutting your girlfriends mouth instead." He just grits his teeth and lowers his voice lower.

"My _girlfriend_ happens to be Ana's _best friend_ you douche. You should have told her yourself. Unfuckingbelievable how amateurish you are." I cut all conversation off at that point. I know I should have told her and I was going to a few times but each time something else would come up or I'd determine that there was no real reason for her to be hurt.

Ana still hasn't looked at me even though she's carrying on as if nothing was the matter but I can feel the fury radiating from her. I could kill Katherine Kavanaugh and Elliot right now. And to top it all off, I find out that Elena is fucking around with my brothers business. There is no reason for her to buy more buildings and no reason she should go up against Grey Construction. And that little message of hers about us going in together, that was an obvious declaration of war.

Once Jose, Rachel, Missy and Logan leave we laze about in the great room to finish off another few bottles of wine but Ana stays on the opposite couch, engaged in a conversation with Mia about god knows what. I'd rescue her but I'm pretty sure she'd rather talk to Mia than have me near her right now.

"C, what's the deal with you and Elena? No more bull shit either." _Shit._ My heart is hammering in my chest. "Look, you can tell me it's a business deal gone wrong but I know it's more than that." I look around but no one is listening to us.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you've always been weird around her. And then you go into business with her and it's _salons_ for Christ's sake and then I find out you have weekly lunches with her? All strange but let me be frank here, _you're strange_ so I didn't think too much about it. Then you decide to pull out of her salons even though they're making money hand over fist but it's not just your backing you pull, you freak the fuck out when her name comes up or when she shows up. And her starting shit with mom and dad, spreading rumors about Ana? Come on, I'm not an idiot, something smells like shit and I want to know what it is."

I've walked far enough away that we're alone so when I beckon him to my office and shut the door nobody seems to notice. He looks alarmed. Can I do this? Can I tell him and trust him to not say anything to our parents? Ana's words about secrets come back to me then and spur me on.

We're facing each other, his back is to the door and I'm standing opposite him about four feet away. My hands go to my head again and I notice his do as well before he shoves them in his pockets in an attempt to look nonchalant.

"When I was 15 Elena came on to me and we started fucking. Daily." I can hear my voice but the words sound garbled because of the pressure in my head. Elliot's neck bends down as his eyes open wide and his jaw drops.

"Did you just say that Elena Lincoln and you were having sex together when you were 15 years old?" I nod and close my eyes. "Holy fuck, Christian! How the, when did you, how, holy shit. I need to sit." I motion for the couch but he ignores me and continues to stare wide eyed at my face.

"That means she was what? 35? 36?"

"34 from what I remember." His hands run through his hair and then over his face, covering his mouth in disbelief.

"You were molested. You know that, right? Or are you just now realizing it and that's why you hate her so much all of the sudden? Oh my god, she's a pedophile." He sinks to a squatting position and puts his hands back over his mouth. "She should be in jail."

"Elliot, I was out of control, it started when I was constantly in fights and failing school. Remember my binge drinking and the trouble I'd get in?" He nods but doesn't blink. "She came along and straightened all that out, whipped me into shape and kept me there."

"Oh my god, you don't see it yet. Holy shit, Christian, you still don't see what she did do you?" He covers his face entirely then and gasps back a cry. "It all makes so much sense now." His hands drop. "I failed you. As your older brother I failed you, I should have known, I should have done something." He stands and looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry."

It guts me.

"Elliot. Please don't do this. It was wrong, I realize that now but it also helped me." He stands and walks to the leather couch, sinking into the corner, deflated and distant.

"No, it didn't _help_ you. You think it did but it didn't. That's just another mind fuck of hers that you believe." His eyes meet mine and I'm shocked to see that they're glassy with tears. "I had no idea." He covers his face, again, and leans forward.

I don't know what to do or what to say right now. This is not at all how I expected Elliot to react.

"When exactly?" My head cocks to the side. "When did it first happen?" I remain standing, my hands in my pockets but I walk towards him and tell him everything. From the way she came on to me to the violent introduction to sex to the rewards I'd gain from staying out of trouble. He doesn't interrupt me or move the entire time.

I debate telling him the type of sex I was introduced to, his reaction to her hitting me and then kissing me was telling enough but I can't stop myself. I want to purge this out of me and his openness to listening coupled with the mind blowing fact that he hasn't walked out of here already has me spilling my guts.

When I tell him about the BDSM he slides off the couch onto his knees and cries. Actually cries into his hands. I've seen my brother cry three times in my entire life. When my dads parents died and when we buried our dog when he was twelve years old. But even then he didn't cry like this. My own throat is tight and burning as I watch him.

"Christian, do you realize how fucked up this is? Moms _friend_, her _friend_ used information about your insecurities and your issues and manipulated you into thinking that she was _helping_ you. She violated you in so many ways and you _still_ are saying she helped you. She didn't _help_ you. Helping you would have been to offer you a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Helping you would have been keeping you occupied with projects that pushed you forward and built you up. Helping you would have been to encourage you to speak to our parents and to reach out for help. Fuck! She ripped out the work you had done and put this dark shit in its place and strangled your relationships with your family and the entire world in the meantime. Did you never stop to wonder why you were so closed off? Why you were so afraid to let any of us into your life? I always just thought you hated me. Well fuck, now I know!"

I sit on the other end of the couch and rest my face in my hands. "I've never hated you, Elliot." It pains me that he would think that. Is this what my parents feel too? Mia?

"God damn it she isolated you and then systematically removed any outside affection or love from your life so that she was the only one and then she told you how stupid love is. And what did you get from it? Some really great sex and a palace in the sky." His pointer finger shoots up and twirls in the air. "Whoop tee doo."

"When did it end? Is that why she's gunning for Ana? Did Ana take you away? Oh my god, is Ana into this shit?"

"No! She's not into anything. You know that already." He grins then and raises his eyebrows.

"Oh yea, forgot that tidbit. Wow, does she know?" My whole body falls back against the couch.

"Yup, she knows. And she's been saying the same things you're saying." I tell him about the contract, about the confrontation between them at Coping Together and the one in my office.

"Man, if you tell Kate, she'll rip the whore's throat out."

"We are _not_ telling Kate, Elliot. I don't want you telling anyone."

"You've got to tell mom and dad, Christian. I mean for fucks sake moms going to that stupid luncheon with her on Saturday." I shake my head and he stands. "Yes, you're telling them. You can't continue to live like this. You can't tell me something like this and then ask me to sit back and play nice when a pedophile, who _molested my baby brother_ comes over to hang out with my mother!"

He turns and walks towards the door and I stand, terrified that he's going to Bellvue right now.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm telling Kate to catch a ride home with someone else, we're not finished talking here." He leaves the door open and walks out. Within seconds Ana comes in and the air rushes out of my lungs at the sight of her. Without a word she walks over and kneels between my legs, pulling my face against hers.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about what Elena said. I didn't want to hurt you." She shakes her head and kisses me on the nose.

"Later, we can deal with that later. Are you ok, Christian? Do you need anything?"

I grunt out a laugh and kiss her soundly. "You, I need you, that's it."

"You have me. Did you tell him, is that why he's so upset?"

"I told him everything. He's pretty pissed, I'm not sure how this is going to play out or how long it's going to take. Don't wait up for me." In truth, all I want is for her to be waiting for me. I need her like I need my next breath and tonight, I'm drowning.

"I'll be awake." Elliot walks back in then and goes right to the bourbon decanter. He pours three glasses and walks them over.

"Ana. I don't know what to say except thank you and holy shit." He raises his glass to her and shoots it back only to fill it again immediately. After he's had three glasses he walks to her and hugs her tightly and while I don't see any tears, I hear him sniffle into her neck and then turn to fill his glass again.

She kisses me again and shuts the door quietly behind her. "What did you tell Kate?"

He waves dismissively and drinks. "That you got some disturbing news about one of your companies and I needed to help you sort through it. Mia's going to drop her at my house."

"Elliot, I'll talk to mom and dad eventually but right now, it's all I can do to sit here and tell you and I thought you'd be the easy one."

His whole body turns then, legs wide and ready for a fight. "Why?"

"I guess I thought on some level you'd agree with me that while it wasn't the best option, it was still a means to an end."

"An end to what, exactly? Isolation, loneliness, deceit, secrets, what?" Wow, this is definitely not what I expected.

"Being touched. When did you lose your virginity?"

"I was 14. Maggie Wilhelm." He points at me accusatorily. "She was 15 so don't even try to compare the two."

"And how often did you hook up with girls after that?" He laughs and swigs, shaking his head at the memories.

"As often as I could. Man, I probably slept with well over 50 girls by the time I went to college. But they were all my age and it was all consensual. That shit you did with…_her_? Not only was it illegal but damn it, she was _married_, Christian!"

I wave him off. Marriage means nothing to a 15 year old. "I was desperate for physical attention. Desperate for it so much that I would start fights with kids at school just so that they'd hit me. I _needed_ to be hit, I _needed_ to be pounded on and to hit back." His hand flies up and stops me.

"NO! You _needed_ to talk to mom and dad and tell them that you were ready to get past your aversion to touch. That's what that was bro, not some psychobabble you've adopted to justify your actions. You were ready to move past it if you were desperate for physical attention but instead of steering you towards love and healing, that bitch turned you towards more violence and more isolation."

The thought had never occurred to me. Had I been ready to move on? Had I been hiding behind my violent beginnings? The question jars me and he pounces.

"You've got to take her down, Christian. She fucked you up royally. She _can't _get away with this! You never answered me, when did it end?"

"A little over eight years ago. I couldn't fuck her if I had to. And yes, she hates Ana, hates that I'm happy but no, that's not the reason I pulled my backing." I'm not going to involve Elliot into my investigation and thankfully he doesn't ask. Instead he puts the glass on the table and settles back with the bottle, taking swigs straight from the crystal decanter.

"I want to say something, seriously, as your big brother and I don't want you to interrupt me or argue with me. When I'm done you're not going to say a word, you're just going to think about what I have to say and then we're going to get drunk."

"OK." I feel oddly protected and six years old all over again.

"What happened to you as a kid, I don't know the details but I know enough. It was horrific, a tragedy and very very sad but it happened 25 years ago. You were adopted into quite possibly the best family in the world and handed everything you could have ever wanted. You grew up with parents who loved you and invested time into you. You wanted for nothing, you were deprived of nothing. You were given room to grow and explore and damn it if they didn't bust their asses to get you to the best therapists money could buy."

"You had a rough start, so did I. Some people have a great start and a rough ending but it's what happens in the middle that makes you who you are. You are not violent because violence was done to you. You are not unworthy because some shitty asshole made you feel that way when you were a kid. You are not unlovable because your birth mother had a disease."

"What Elena did to you was not helpful and until you see the truth in that, you will always have a sick tie to her. There will always be a part of you that thinks you should defend her and in doing that, you perpetuate the cycle of abuse. And until you tell mom and dad, she will always have some control in your life."

He takes a long pull from the glass and wipes his mouth. He's drunk already.

"Now, you've got to tell them. I won't give you a time limit, that'd be shitty but I will say this. If I ever see Elena fucking Lincoln, I'm going to rip that blond weave off of her head and I'm going to shove it so far down her throat she'll choke on the synthetics."

We stand then and he hands me the bottle. I take a small sip and then reach for my phone to text Taylor to drive him home. His hands land on my shoulders and even though I want to scream and run and pull him off of me I don't.

"C, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't push you harder when you were a kid, I'm sorry that I didn't know this was going on. But mostly I'm sorry that I let you live like this, isolated and distant, for years. You deserve more and fuck if that's not what you're going to get. Marry that girl, get yourselves some babies and embrace the gift of life."

He hugs me then. It's the first time I've hugged Elliot since we were kids and we were forced to say goodnight to each other. Before he can see me I blink the tears away and take another swig. I desperately need to be with Ana now.

He waves me off and enters the elevator with Taylor. "I'll call you in the morning. Well, if I can get out of bed."

* * *

**APOV**

Kate eyes me warily when I leave the office but she gets her purse and wrap without question. When we get to the elevator to wait for Mia and Ethan she turns and looks at me.

"Is he alright?"

"He'll be fine." And I truly believe that he will be. The mere fact that he's telling Elliot is so huge that I feel numbed by it.

"Hey, about what that bitch said, he probably didn't tell you because he didn't see the point. Truthfully, outside of hurting your feelings and making you feel self-conscious, there _is_ no point." My eyebrows shoot up. She had given me the full run down after dinner and I wasn't pissed so much as embarrassed. I'm terrified that his parents think I'm after him for his money now.

"I know, I just hate being the last to know."

"Go easy on him, Steele, something's brewing in there."

Back in the bedroom I try to occupy myself by getting ready for bed and then by packing for my overnight at Rays. I'll be leaving from the office, in my own car for once. Christian's flight leaves at six in the morning. I was hoping that he'd be able to get some good sleep in before he had to leave but since it's already midnight, I don't know how that's possible.

As if he knew I was thinking about him he walks in purposefully, shuts the door behind him without looking and walks to me, lifting me and carrying me to the bed. Instead of trying to have sex though, he puts his head in my lap and closes his eyes.

"He's not mad at me." It's a revelation to him but the fear lingers.

"Of course he's not. You were a victim. When you come to grips with that, then you can stop being mad at yourself too." He looks up bewildered.

"You think I'm mad at myself?" Softly I begin to stroke his hair and the line of his jaw, smoothing over his eyebrows and his cheekbones.

"Yes, I do. I think you always knew it was wrong but at 15 the pull was too strong just as she knew it would be. I think you're angry because you feel used on some level, I think you're angry because you feel like you betrayed your parents, and I think you're angry because deep down you care about those women you had under contract and you wonder if they were victims as well."

"I can't hide from you. You just cut through all the fluff and force me to see things in a different light. I hate it and I love it." He turns then and buries his head into my abdomen. "I'm so tired." Is all he says and I wonder if he means in the physical or in the emotional.

"Sleep then, Christian." He rolls and stands, walking to the bathroom and stripping along the way. I hear the water and the sound of his electric toothbrush. When he comes back out, wearing only his boxer briefs and a smile I sit up on my knees for a better look. The man is beautiful.

"Like what you see, Ms. Steele?" He climbs in on all fours and crawls to me, barely scraping his teeth over my jaw and neck. Desire churns in my womb but I deny it, tonight has been too emotional.

"You should get some sleep, you have to be up in less than four hours to get to SeaTac on time." His tongue comes out and flicks at my lips, short little licks that tickle.

"I own the plane, baby. It won't leave without me. Besides, four hours is plenty of time." He sits and lifts the t-shirt over my head, lifting me by my legs so that I flop down under him. "If you think that I'm going to go away from you and not bury myself inside of you before I leave, you don't know me at all."

"Christian," I pull back and make him look at me. "Do you want to talk about what happened? I want to be what you need right now, that was a huge step you took tonight." His face drops to my chest and licks my sternum up to my neck, over my chin and into my mouth. "I'm proud of you."

"Mmmm. Stop talking. I don't want to talk anymore, I want to make love to you." I hate that he can't hear positive things about himself. I'd continue to argue but his hands are beneath me, lifting me so that he can slide off my panties. "Always so ready for me, Ana. I like that. A lot."

I want to talk with him and hear what it is he told Elliot and how it all went down. I want to know his reasons for not telling me about what Elena said and ask him how he felt having Ethan and Jose here tonight. But I can't speak, his tongue is invading my mouth as if he knows if he stops I'll force him to talk. With the same intensity of his kiss his fingers ready me, spreading around the moisture that he pulls out of me so quickly.

When he comes up for air I push his chest gently, pulling his fingers from me. He looks crestfallen, confused and hurt. "I want to love _you_ tonight, Christian. Let me make love to you." He hesitates but moves in response to my sitting up. Once he's lying down I run my hands all over him, reveling in the feel of his strong muscles and the maleness of his body. I don't take him in my mouth, instead I wrap my hand around him and stroke him until his body is covered in a sheen of sweat.

His stomach and chest rise and fall in rapid succession and his hips pump upwards with each breath that puffs out of his open mouth. Watching him like this does something to me. Liquid heat flows from me even though he's not touching me, the clenching inside unbearable as my body looks to be filled by him.

"I'm close, baby." His words grit out as he arches his neck, the tendons stretching with the tension. I stop moving but don't let him go and only when his breathing slows down do I sink down on him. The pleasure is intense and immediate. "Fuuuuuuuuck."

I stay still but clench and release around him over and over watching as his breathing becomes heavy and quick again. I feel powerful, with the tightening of one set of muscles I have this alpha man underneath me all but begging for mercy. It's a heady feeling to finally come to grips with your own sexuality.

With a slight grind of my hips he groans and grabs my upper thighs, gripping them hard enough to hurt. "I'm so close." Another grind, another groan and those same fingers dig into my skin. I want the bruises tomorrow, I want to look down in his absence and see a reminder of where he's been.

"This, Ana. This. You asked what I needed and this is it. You, wanting me, needing me, _with_ me. I just need you." He groans and exhales sharply when I come down on him. "I want you to believe that." I slide up and lean forward so that only his tip is in when I speak directly into his ear.

"I do believe that." My body slides down slowly as the words come out. "I know that. I trust you, Christian." His hands grip impossibly tighter as does his jaw but he can't hold out. I feel his legs start to shake and move down and up, over and over as he fills me with his semen and grunts in my ear.

When he's finished he pushes me up, still inside and pinches my nipple with one hand. It's harsh and painful but it feels so good when he presses his thumb against the pulsating nerves at the top of my slit.

"We're not finished till you're finished. Now come for me, Ana." He doesn't move his hands, he just presses harder and pinches harder and the pain mixed with the pleasure shoots me off into an explosion that has me seeing stars behind my closed lids. Over and over the waves come until I collapse onto him, exhausted and jelly like. His arms wrap around me and tangle in my hair, the feel of his beating heart lulling me to sleep and pulling me into the darkness.


	32. Chapter 32

**Authors note: To the guest reviewer who asked me specifically about Africa, please please _please_ sign in with a name so I can respond to you. There's no way to PM you under guest and I would love to have a dialogue with you! We share a lot of the same views and I would love to 'talk' to you. To everyone else, you all have been such a blessing to me! I mean that in the most non-cheesy way possible. Ultimately this story is about healing and revenge. And yes, the two are polar opposites but I just refuse to gloss over what Elena did, it was hideous even if he was 15. So many of you are like little cheerleaders and I'm so very lucky to be able to get to know you all! Cheese/Emotional rant/Over**

* * *

**CPOV**

"Sir, we've got some news."

"It's about fucking time, Welch. I'm putting you on speaker so that Taylor can hear this, you've got five minutes before my meeting starts."

"This morning our tall red head arrived at the Bank of America in Walla Walla with a young Caucasian female. The red head was greeted by the branch manager, ushered into his private office and after a few minutes he exited, handed a teller a large envelope and watched as she counted cash and then made a deposit. We were able to confirm that the amount was 15 thousand. After the transaction was completed, the branch manager left with the women and checked into the Marcus Whitman Hotel where he and the two ladies spent almost two hours."

"Have you determined who the woman is?"

"Yes. Facial recognition software has identified her as a Pamela Wincher. I haven't found her name on any of the businesses owned by Ms. Lincoln but she has been identified as a co-signer on the account in Zurich."

"What else do we know about her?"

"She graduated from Walla Walla High in 1997 and lives in Seattle in an apartment owned by a Marc Bennett. We're running checks on that name but have come up empty handed as of yet. Outside of that, she's not currently employed and has no arrest record. Parents deceased when she was 13, sent to live with a relative until she graduated."

"And the other woman with her this morning? And where was Lincoln?"

"No information on her, sir. We followed the car back to Seattle where it parked in the garage for Escala. At that point the women entered through a side door and we lost contact. Ms. Lincoln hasn't left her house yet today, sir."

"Good. Run that down as far as you can. Where are we with Morton?"

"Squeaky clean." _Shit._ I blame that asshole for a hell of a lot of my headache.

Once we hang up I'm escorted inside by Idami, a 5' 11" brunette from Cuba. The sway of her hips is a bit dramatized but I've come to expect that type of behavior from some women. She could take out a whip and chains and I wouldn't look at her twice so while she prattles on in the elevator about the amazing club she'd like to take me to so that I can get a real 'taste' of Miami I flip through my pictures of Ana.

Leaving her this morning was more difficult than I thought it would be. If she were staying in the apartment I'd feel a bit better but knowing that she was going away just puts me on edge. It took four times with the alarm for me to finally peel myself off of her warm sleeping body and get ready. Actually leaving was even worse.

Instead of a quick peck like I'd thought she'd give me she woke and sat up without thinking, the sheet falling to her naked waist. If it hadn't been for Taylor knocking on the door telling me we were running almost an hour behind I would've tried for a goodbye quickie.

The company courting me is looking to go in 50/50 on a dock that primarily deals in cruise ships. It's new territory for me and not something I'm that interested in but it does seem lucrative and I have been trying to get more of an East Coast foothold. Once their presentation is completed we head out for dinner and much to my dismay, it's the company head, his wife, the chairman, his wife, and Idami.

"Mr. Grey, please, let me order for you. I'd love to expose you to some of my countries finest cuisine." As politely as I can I refuse her request, I don't want her thinking for one minute that I'm interested in her but she either doesn't get the hint or doesn't care.

Within minutes of ordering her hand strays to the seat of my chair, innocently brushing against my upper thigh. Manners call for me to ignore her so at first I do but when her nail runs the length of my leg, it's too much and I push her hand off and shoot her a look. She just smiles and licks her lips suggestively.

It's close to eleven when the limo pulls up in front of the Acqualina Hotel. Taylor, who has been up front with the driver opens the door and motions with his eyebrows for me to turn around. There on the landing behind me is none other than Idami Viverios.

"I was hoping to walk you to your room and answer any questions you may have on the project."

"I will ask any questions I have at the walk through tomorrow morning with Mr. McGuire. Goodnight, Ms. Viverios." She jumps towards me and touches my arm but Taylor moves quickly and steps between us, gently removing her hand while pushing her back and calling for a cab at the same time. The man is worth his weight in gold.

"Mr. Grey, please, sir. I think we could get so much accomplished tonight."

"Ms. Viverios, do you read the papers?"

"Yes, sir." Her face gives nothing away.

"Then you know that I have a girlfriend at home?"

"Sir, I know that, I'm not suggesting anything other than business." Taylor opens the door to the waiting cab and takes her arm as if to push her in.

"Right. I love my girlfriend and even if you just wanted to 'talk business', I still wouldn't put myself in the position of having you in my room. I will see you at the walk through. Good night." Taylor unceremoniously pushes her in the car, slams the door and walks me to the elevator.

Once inside my room I strip and shower and then call Ana. It's been a hell of a long day and I've done a lot of thinking about my talk with Elliot. I still can't believe I told him and part of me regrets it. Telling him means that I will have to tell my parents. The thought sickens me.

"Hey, baby. Did you go in your bag yet?"

"Yes, you're crazy you know that?"

"Crazy for you. I'm going to face time you on it, just prop it wherever you are and make sure you're naked." I don't wait to hear her answer I just call the iPad I stuck in her bag before leaving and wait until she answers it.

"Hi."

"Hi, this is crazy. You're across the country and I can see you in real time. Did you get the flowers I sent you?" She sent me flowers?

"What? No! Hold on, I didn't really look around." I stand and walk to the living room where there is a beautiful arrangement of tropical flowers and a card stuck in the middle. Nobody has ever sent me flowers before, in fact, outside of business, nobody has ever sent me anything.

**You are trustworthy**

"Anastasia, does this affirmation have anything to do with the fact that I'm away from you? Are you nervous I'd betray you?"

She blushes, even over the iPad I can see it and then gives me a small smile. "A little. I don't think you would but I mean, come on, it's Miami and you, you're _YOU_ for gods sake!"

"Baby, there is no way I could cheat on you. Not now, not ever. I don't have it in me. Think of it this way, if I was monogamous to women with whom I had no romantic feelings for, of course I'd be faithful to the woman whom I adore!"

She flops back on what I'm assuming is her childhood bed and holds the iPad above her. Her hair is fanned out beneath her and damn if she doesn't just look beautiful.

"I know. It all comes back to me not thinking I could hold you. You are so hot, Christian and so sexy and you give off this vibe that women love. What happens when someone way prettier comes along and you're horny and I'm not around?"

"Are you seriously asking me that? What happens? I come back to my hotel room and call you or think of you. Ana, listen. I've known a lot of guys, spent a lot of time on business trips with guys who were dating and guys who were married. Either you're a man who cheats, or you're not. It doesn't matter what the chick looks like or how horny you are. You either have it in you or you don't. I don't."

"What about in a year? Or longer?" I love that she's thinking long term. It makes me hard as hell.

"OK, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen to what I'm saying, not imagine what could have happened. In Japan a woman came into my room and stripped naked, offered to let me do whatever I wanted. I yelled at her to get dressed and made her leave. You know why? Because she held no appeal to me. Not because she was ugly but because she wasn't _you_. We weren't even _together_ and I couldn't stand to have her near me. I'm all yours baby, even when I'm not with you."

"She was naked and you sent her away?" Her eyes are huge, I just nod my head proudly.

"Yup."

"How long was she in your room?" She rolls to her stomach and 3000 miles away or not, the intensity of her anger is tangible. _Well this isn't exactly how I thought this would go._

"I don't know, less than a minute. I kicked her out and called you right away." She scrunches up her face and then figures it out.

"The night we fought about Jose coming over. You had a naked woman in your room right before that?"

"Well, technically she got naked and then I kicked her out. You're missing the point, Ana." She's pissed. The view changes to the wall and then I see her sit up and start mumbling to herself but I have no idea what she's saying. I catch _'god damn whores', 'rip something apart', 'mother fucking slut'_. It'd be cute if she could confirm that it's not me she's mumbling about.

"Ana?..._Ana_?...Ana!" Her face snaps to mine as if she forgot I was there and then she laughs and lays back down.

"I trust you, Christian. Despite your magnetic sex appeal and your sex god status, I trust you to not hurt me even if I'd never find out about it." Well thank fuck for that. "How was the rest of your day? And did anybody get naked for you tonight?" I want to do a victory lap for not allowing Idami up here now.

"Of course not. The presentation went well, we'll do the walk through in the morning and then leave after an early dinner. I wouldn't mind doing work with the chairman, he seems to have a firm grasp on what it is he wants from GEH but the project manager, a woman, is annoying as hell. I had to have dinner with her tonight, with the CEO and chairman and damn it if she didn't make me want to knock her out."

"How are you doing with everything else? We never really got a chance to talk before you left."

"No, we didn't. I don't really know what to say. I'm embarrassed that I blurted it out to him. I thought he would be ok with it in some strange way, almost proud but he was really upset. It…..was a revelation to me." A lot of what Elliot had to say hit me hard but one thing in particular keeps rolling around in my head. If I had been so desperate for touch, had I been at a crossroads? Had the thousands of hours in therapists offices finally come to a head only for me to veer off track and continue down a path of affectionless interaction?

"He came to see me today. Totally broke down in my office."

"He did?"

"Christian, he loves you. Lots of people love you. He sees this for what it was, abuse. Plain and simple. He's carried around a feeling of rejection from you for years and never knew why. In some ways it's healing for him to know why you were so isolated but in other ways it's more painful because he feels like he really failed you."

"That's ridiculous! There was nothing he or anybody could have done to stop me." She sighs and rolls to her side giving me a nice view of her cleavage. "Pull your tank top down a bit. I thought I told you to get naked." She lifts her eyes heavenward but pulls the tank down to an indecent low. "There you go." Fuck I need to get home to her.

"We're having a serious discussion here, Christian. Take off your shirt though." I grin, happy as a pig in shit and toss my white t-shirt to the end of the bed. I've never had phone sex, this will be a first. "When are you going to talk to your parents?" _Or maybe not._

"I don't know, Ana. Just you asking me that makes me feel sick. There's no way they're going to take it as well as Elliot and he didn't take it all that well. I know my dad and he'll blame me and right now, I just don't think I could handle it. Telling Elliot was hard enough."

"He convinced your mom to not go to the luncheon tomorrow. Bought her tickets for a matinee show at the opera house and is taking her out for lunch first with Kate. He couldn't bear to have her spend a minute with that woman. You told him because you're ready to put this behind you. He can't carry this burden around indefinitely though." She's right, I can't put Elliot in this position for long.

I breathe out heavily and run my hand over my face, shutting the light off behind me. "How's Ray?"

"Same old same old. I was hoping he'd tell me about a girlfriend or something but nope, he's just interested in my life and going fishing in the morning. He got a new Harley a few weeks ago so we may go out on that but other than that, life hasn't changed in Montesano." _Hell no._

"You are _not_ going on a Harley, I don't care if it's with your dad or not. Fuck no." She just rolls her eyes and then rolls onto her back ignoring my demand altogether.

"You should get one, they're super hot." Is she fucking with me?

"Anastasia, did you hear me? You are not going on a damn motorcycle!" I'm already texting Sawyer who is in the room next to hers as far as I know. If she insists, he's to dismantle the damn thing so it's not drivable.

"Christian, if my father wants to take me on his motorcycle, I'm going to go. That's what we've done for years since he got his first bike when I was six. I'm not stopping now because you're afraid. I'll be careful, Ray'll be careful, we'll all be careful. I'm sure you can have Sawyer bubble wrap the road before we leave but if Ray wants to go, we're going." Now I'm getting pissed.

"Ana, you making jokes about your safety just pisses me off. You going on a fucking death trap infuriates me. You are not to go on it, do you understand?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to tell me what I can and can't do with my dad? Not a chance sweet boyfriend. I will be going and you will just have to learn to deal with it. Do you really think my father is going to put my life in jeopardy?"

"It's not him I'm worried about!"

"Are you flying back tomorrow? Because you may crash. Are you driving anywhere tomorrow? Because you may crash. Are you walking anywhere? Because you may fall. I'm with my _father_, I'll be fine. Now, if you're quite done, I'm tired. My crazy, overprotective, hotter than fuck boyfriend kept me up with his shenanigans last night."

"Shenanigans? I want to see your diploma."

"Goodnight, Christian, I love you." She sings and reaches for the button to disconnect.

"Goodnight, baby. No motorcycles or I will be pissed." She just waves, blows a kiss and the screen goes black.

Her refusal to do as I say has me amped up. Without her here I dread sleep and the nightmares I'm sure will return. She's been a panacea for everything that ails me. I'd rather stay up all night than face the haunting demons of my dreams alone so I busy myself by scrolling through my emails and checking up on the jewelry that Ryan will pick up for me tomorrow at Cartier. Ros and I have a few things to discuss including Agnes Perkins who, it turns out didn't use GEH to launder money. What she did do, however, was steal from me to help pay her boyfriends mounting debts. So far the auditors have discovered over $300k in journal entries to a non-posting entity and they still have two months to go.

"We can arrest her as early as tomorrow morning or we can wait until we have the investigation completed. I've got to say, Christian, I'd rather it be this way than laundering. It's almost like the more she took, the better it is for GEH. We get chalked up as victims instead of coconspirators and we help with the SEC investigation."

"Agreed. She was dumb as fuck. Did she not wonder why he pursued her? I want the auditors to look over every file in the last three years for every person responsible with the ledgers and balance sheets." I don't need to add that cost is irrelevant, Ros has worked for me long enough. "I'll call my dad in the morning with what we've got so far, have Whalen call him later in the afternoon to discuss our next move."

Two am. That makes it 11pm in Montesano. I want to call her but I don't, instead I flip through the channels on the TV and watch CNBC, listening to the idiots on there talk about how Bear Stearns is totally responsible for the financial fallout of 2008. If assholes like this are what the general public are listening to, we're doomed. Welch sends me the written report on today's happenings along with a picture of one Ms. Pamela Wincher. She doesn't look familiar to me but I study the picture anyway looking for clues.

The girl in the car with her is young, not illegal but young enough to make the 50 something banker a pervert. My guys couldn't get in the room to video whatever was going on but they were able to use an audio filter. Outside of the normal sounds of sex there was the distinct sound of a paddle and the crack of whip. I'm not surprised in the least.

I can only push away my inner thoughts for so long but eventually in the dark, alone in this hotel room in Miami Florida the weight of my admission to Elliot falls on me. _He knows._ The door has been opened and can't be shut now. The reality of what I need to do is terrifying. I'm 29 years old, a grown man in charge of a multi-billion dollar company and I'm terrified of telling my parents something that happened to me 14 years ago. Before the panic can set in and strangle me I call Ana on the iPad again.

She answers with a sleepy hello. Her hair is covering her shoulders and her eyes are heavy and drunk with sleep but she still smiles and reaches out to the screen.

"Hey, you ok?" Her voice is scratchy and so damn sexy I consider flying back tonight. Fuck the potential 25 million dollar deal I'm about to close, I want my girl.

"I can't sleep. Just, plug it in and prop it up against the pillow and go back to sleep, baby." There's a bit of movement as she rights it and then she blows me another kiss and closes her eyes. For at least 45 minutes I stare and watch as she breathes peacefully, desperate to tuck those stray hairs behind her ears. I don't recall falling asleep but I must have because when the alarm goes off at six am it wakes me.

I don't have the heart to wake her to say goodbye nor do I feel right just disconnecting the call so I write a note and prop it on my pillow for when she wakes up. Seeing her lie there, surrounded by frilly white bedding has to be the most comforting sight I've ever seen and even though she's not with me, her warmth surrounds me.

* * *

**APOV**

"Morning, Miss." Missy stands and follows me into my office, plunking herself down into one of the chairs in front of my desk, sprawled out and most definitely hung over. "I should be pissed at you for coming in hung over."

"You can't be, it was your boyfriend who did this to me!" I giggle and sit down, all in all it was a good party. Outside of Elliot and Kate nobody knows about the aftermath and the heaviness the night ended on.

"So what's your take on Christian?" Her hand waves dismissively and she lolls her head back closing her eyes.

"He's smitten. Like, pathetically smitten. It was almost nauseating." Her head slowly moves up and she levels her eyes with mine. "If you're worried about how he feels about you, Steele, you haven't been paying attention. That man is in love, in lust, in awe of you. That conversation we had about feeling inadequate? Lose it. There's no reason for you to feel that way."

"I know, it's my issue."

"Totally your issue. He had a life before you, I get it, it hurts to think someone else had your man but that's reality. You have him now and if you continue to doubt yourself, you'll drive him away."

"What did Logan think?" She scoffs and reaches for a mint from the canister on my desk.

"He's jealous as hell of him and his apartment but he's happy for you. Said the way he watches you when you don't know he's looking is proof enough that he loves you."

"I know he does." I smile because it's true. "Anyway, Matt starts on Monday so I want to get his computer and desk set up today. I also want to talk to you about a bridal shower." She groans and leans forward to hide her face. "Or just a bachelorette party. Come on, Miss, you can't get married without some sort of fanfare."

"Who would you invite?"

"Whomever you'd allow me to! Just a few of our friends, your mom, your Aunt Patty and your cousins. I'll plan everything, we can do it at my place and afterwards we can go dancing. Nothing major, I promise! _Please_, Miss!"

"Oh fine. We leave on the 22nd of July for Vegas so maybe the weekend of the 9th? This way we can get other shit done before we go."

"Perfect, I'll plan it all. I'm so excited!" She just laughs and walks to the door. I do the absolute minimum I have to do for work and then start calling friends and family to plan her parties. After our Friday sushi lunch I'm surprised when she pops her head in.

"Elliot's here. Wants to talk to you." I stand in a moment of panic afraid that something has happened to Christian but when he walks in he shuts the door and comes directly to me, hugging me tightly and patting my back over and over.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't go about my day like last night never happened. Can I sit? Do you have a minute? Can we talk?" _Oh boy._ He looks distraught as I wave him to the chair in front of my desk before sitting myself in the one next to it.

"I'm glad you came by. I've got as many minutes as you need." He rolls his eyes and runs his hands over his hair. A family trait I guess.

"Well, then we may as well order dinner." He pauses and looks at the floor. "I didn't know. I thought he was a fucking _virgin_ or _gay_ for Christ's sake. My entire life with him he's been a little distant but we had good times, you know? We fought like normal brothers, pounded the shit out of each other when we were younger, ganged up on Mia, lied to our parents about what movies we were watching or what happened on the bus but then he changed. We all drank in high school, who didn't besides Mia?" I don't tell him that I didn't drink until last year.

"I invited him to a few parties and sometimes he'd come but he never connected with people. He'd be able to hang out with the guys and talk sports or even play them but he could never handle being around the girls. I guess that's why I thought maybe he was gay but looking back, I know it's because he was so afraid they'd touch him. And man did they try, he could have had sex with pretty much any chick in high school. Those looks, they didn't just come up on him recently, he was always that good looking."

"The girls loved him, Mia's friends would come over and do nothing but try to see him and he never even looked their way. I'd tease him all the time about how much pussy, sorry, he was missing out on but he'd just get pissed and tell me to fuck off. And then….he just…shut down. Totally pulled away from the family and started drinking all the time. He'd get into fights at school or on the field for no good reason and his fights weren't just a few hits. He'd draw blood, break noses, make lifelong enemies."

I want to hear every single bit about Christian that I can, especially the years that are shrouded in so much mystery but watching Elliot recount his childhood with him is hard. It pains me to hear about his loneliness but I listen intently not only to learn but to see what Elliot and I can do to ultimately help Christian.

"My parents were at a loss. The kid had _everything_." He finally looks up then, the blue of his eyes clouded and troubled. "Can I have one of those mints?" I quickly hand him the canister and encourage him to continue.

"I mean that, besides being insanely good looking and a fucking genius, he was a natural athlete. And problem solving? Afuckingmazing. You could hand him any issue and he'd take a few minutes, analyze it quietly and then give you the solution. That's what got him into Harvard you know, that and his rowing. Kid was a beast on the single scull." He wipes at his eyes and looks back at the floor.

"Like I said, he wasn't ever open per se, but he wasn't closed off entirely either. I left for college the summer this started. I noticed a difference in him too but I was so focused on partying and hooking up with as many girls as possible that I let it go." He sucks in a sharp breath and pinches his eyes with one hand. "I let it go."

His grief is palpable and stabs at my heart. "Elliot, you can't take this on, it's not your fault."

"No, it's not my fault it happened, but it's my fault it continued. I should have tried harder with him, I should have questioned his extreme behavior shift, I should have just taken the fucking time to ask a few questions." He looks at me directly for the first time but I have no answers for him. I have no idea what, if anything, would have stopped Christian's downward spiral.

"Elliot, what could you have done? Really? You were a teenager yourself, what could you have done?"

"I could have told my parents, I could have chained him to his bed, I could have killed that bitch." He stands, one hand on his hips and while the other pushes a fist against his forehead. "I'd love to watch her die right now. _Years_, Ana, for _years_ I tried to get close to him. I wanted to have a brother that I could go to a bar with and have a beer, I wanted to have actual conversations with him that didn't involve work or our family. For years I thought it was because he was ashamed he was gay. So what did I do? I started donating money to gay rights organizations and making sure he knew about it. I embraced the music he would listen to and introduced him to a few gay friends I have thinking if I could convince him that him being gay didn't matter to me that he'd open up but...nothing."

"Now I find out that not only is he not gay, he's been involved in an extreme sexual lifestyle because she led him to believe that was all he was capable of." He starts pacing and stops to hold his hand out towards me.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a bit of kink. I've done a lot of it but you mix it in with the regular you know? It's an _enhancement_, not the end all. But the kink isn't what pisses me off, it's the secrecy, the dirtiness she made him feel, the shame and fear that led to his isolation. I hate her, Ana. I hate her. She took my brother from me for years."

He leans down, hands on his knees and looks right at me. "I'm taking him back. So how do we do it?"

I've already started to gather information however I can but the truth is, I've got nothing of substance yet. "Elliot, I'd love to help, but I don't know where to start. The woman hates me, that much I know so I'm just kind of waiting for her to slip up and push Christian over the edge." He snorts and takes another mint.

"Yea, if she does something to you, we'll lose him to prison. That guy worships the ground you walk on. I'm surprised he went to Miami overnight." His nervous energy and constant pacing is starting to make me anxious. "And my parents, good god my parents." He turns and points to me. "THAT, I'm pissed about. It is utter bullshit that he's allowed our parents to continue to be friends with her." He stops and checks his phone, shoving it in his pocket along with another handful of mints.

"By the way, thanks to his secrecy I'm now taking my mother out to lunch with Kate and then to a fucking opera tomorrow." He walks to the door and rests his hand on the handle. "Know this Ana Steele, I'm not finished with the bitch. I'll see you later, good talk." And with that he walks out, gives Missy a stiff wave and slams the door behind him.

* * *

"Ma'am. I've got to ask you to reconsider allowing me to drive you to your fathers." Sawyer grins and puts his hands up in defeat. "I'm only doing what I'm told to do."

"You can ride with me but I'm driving. Or you can follow but you ain't drivin'!"

"I'll navigate then." He laughs and throws his own bag in the back seat before climbing in. The paparazzi outside my office take pictures and I wave as I pull out, behind the wheel for the first time in weeks.

The open road feels great and I put on my music, letting the songs wash over me. Being with Christian is intense, all the time. There are moments of levity but overall, from his security demands to his love making, everything is intense. It feels good to be able to think at my own pace again.

Steele Translations is growing faster than I had planned so I spend the first hour on the phone with my accountant figuring out how much I can afford to spend on a new employee. Matthew Smith will help out with a huge section of the Asian languages I'm unfamiliar with but our greatest demand is coming from Taiwan and Sri Lanka. I need to hire another person and I've got to move to a larger office space. My dreams of working from the apartment are quickly fading but I remind myself that it's a good problem to have.

"Sawyer, what's up with you and Heather?" I know I'm not supposed to make friends with 'staff' but I can't think of them like that. These people know more about my life than Kate does at this point. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and then stares out of the window. "You're huge you know that? Like Goliath big."

He laughs and takes a sip of his coffee. "I'm 6'5", you're what? 3'5"? I'm practically a giant in your view. Heather. Heather Heather Heather. She's a piece of work. I like her, I do, we had a good run but she's a bit much to take. I'm not really all the comfortable talking to you about this not just because I work for you but because she's your friend."

"You don't work for me, first of all, and second of all, yes, she is a bit much but she's a shitload of fun too." He rubs his knee and looks away.

"That she is. When we get to your dad's I'll need to meet with the team that secured the premises and then we'll need to go over any plans you may have for the weekend." Well I'm sure as hell not telling him about the Harley Ray bought a few weeks ago, I'd rather tell Christian myself so that he doesn't have time to wind himself into a frenzy.

Ray is outside to greet us as we pull in along with a man I've never seen before. As usual he comes to the car to hug me and take my bag but this time Sawyer carries them in and then meets with the team stationed here. I don't want to know anything, I just want to visit with my dad and sleep in my old bed.

After I make dinner for everyone Ray and I catch up on the front porch with unsweetened ice tea and store bought cookies just like when I was living here.

"How's life in the castle?" My cheeks burn at the insinuation that I'm staying with Christian which alludes to the fact that we have sex.

"It's….good. Why do you think I'm staying there? I do have my own apartment you know."

"Yea, that you haven't been at since I was there. He's a good guy, Annie, he very clearly loves you and very clearly wants to protect you but you need to make sure that in the whirlwind of new love that you don't lose yourself. His life is a lot to take on, I've seen the photos and read the articles. Pisses me off no good scum sucking bottom feeders but that's not what I worry about. I worry about you feeling like you need to perform for the world."

"I don't feel like I need to perform, I feel like I need a face transplant and about nine extra inches." He laughs and takes a long drink.

"Stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. You know why a man like Christian Grey falls in love? Because he meets someone who challenges him and can hold a conversation with him. You're a beautiful girl, Annie, stunning even if you don't see it and that may be what he first saw but it's not what made him fall in love." His big hand reaches over and taps my head. "This is."

It's an awkward conversation to have with your dad but I have no one else to ask. "Yes, I know that, but how can a girl like _me_ keep a guy like _him_? He'll meet smarter women, someone else who will challenge him, there will always be someone prettier or whatever….."

"Annie girl. You are a treasure, somebody to be cherished and loved and taken care of and he sees that in you. When a guy like him makes a decision, that's the end of it." He snorts, "Trust me, I've known a lot of guys who appeared to be good but then you get them away from the wife and they're just another scum bag. But he's not like that. You need to love yourself, Anastasia, your biggest problem is you."

When he says my full name like that I know he's serious and I always want to cry. I sometimes think about my birth father and wonder what life would have been like with him around but then I get moments like this with Ray and as much as it hurts to have never met the man my mom says I look so much like, I wouldn't trade this for anything.

"You'll come out for a ride tomorrow?" He slaps my leg as he stands to go back in signaling that he's done. For a taciturn man he sure packs a punch when he does speak.

"Wouldn't miss it."

* * *

The next morning is sunny and hot and even though I'm surrounded by the momentoes of my youth and the comforts of home I feel a pang of sadness when I see his note on the iPad screen. I write out my own note and prop it on my pillow. Hopefully he'll pack his stuff up and see it himself but just in case I take a photo of it for him.

**You are loving**

I'm a bit nervous to get on the motorcycle after Christian's riot act last night but I'll be damned if he's going to run everything in my life. Sawyer looks like he's about to pass a kidney stone but he waves us off and follows in Ray's truck to my dad's favorite fishing hole. We take the long way and cruise around town, stopping to get coffee and lunch for later. It's a bit embarrassing to have Sawyer or the other guy, Dennisson sweep a damn deli before we can go in to order.

Fishing is not my thing so after I cast a few obligatory lines in and ooh and ahh over whatever new lures he has I recline on the deck and begin to read a new book. My cell rings at one and I answer immediately knowing it's Christian.

"Hi!"

"Did you go on the damn motor cycle, Ana? After I told you not to?" I pull the phone away as if it were a foreign object and look at it for _what_ I don't know but surely _something_ has to explain the venom on the other end.

"I'm sorry, what?" I can hear his teeth mash together as he grits out his carefully chosen words.

"I said, did you go on the damn motorcycle, Ana? After I told you not to?" I will choose to ignore his tone.

"I did. It's a 1967 Harely Softail. Purrs like a kitten between my legs." That should shut his ass up for a minute.

"Like a vibrator?" My eyes roll into the back of my head. _So predictable._

"Mmmhmm. You should get one."

"Baby, I've got a whole drawer full of vibrators for you at home. But if you're talking about a cycle, not a chance in hell. I would never endanger you like that."

"I'm fine, Christian. It's a 20 minute drive back and then I'm making dinner and heading back to the apartment."

"Have Sawyer drive you back to Rays in the car. I don't want you on that bike, Anastasia. And remember to wear only what I've laid out for you." Eye roll again.

"Yes, sir."

"I can't fucking wait. You know what I miss besides, well, all of you? The way your body bends to me when I hold you close and the way my face fits in that hollow between your neck and shoulders so perfectly. It's like you and I were made for each other." And this man said he couldn't do hearts and flowers.

"I miss you. Are you leaving soon?"

"A few hours. I'm going to work on the plane so we can spend the day together tomorrow. Gia is coming at 9 and then we'll meet Elliot and Kate for brunch but the rest of the day is ours. I'll be going to your Pilates class by the way since we'll be leaving for Aspen right after."

Christian, at Pilates again? What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

Back at my dad's I throw the chicken on the grill along with the asparagus and corn and then run upstairs to pack up. I hate leaving my dad but I admit, I really miss being at Escala. I had thrown the car keys into the abyss that is my purse when we got here and one look inside was all it took to dump the whole thing out and clean it.

Immediately a small brown envelope catches my eye. I've got a few pieces of mail in here including bills that passed the GEH screening but this particular envelope only says, 'Ana, private' on it. It wasn't mailed, it has no return address and no postmark. The blood rushes to my ears but I can still hear Sawyer in the room below me so I close the door after calling for Ray to flip everything on the grill.

Using a pen I slit the top open and dump out the contents onto my bed. Fourteen photographs of young women with long brown hair and alabaster skin and one picture of an older blonde. Fourteen plus one. _These are his submissives._ A lone piece of paper floats to the bed, on it a note written in script.

_**Notice a pattern here? Not so special anymore are you?**_

My feet feel numb and my legs bend beneath me but it's my heart the gives out. I fit the physical profile of these women, he chose _me_ because I looked like _them_. That old familiar feeling of naseau rises again but I beat it down and gather the pictures in a pile. On the back of them are names, I read a few and then stop. Imagining him calling them by name is not going to make things any easier.

Downstairs the table is set and Sawyer is helping Ray bring in the food. He'll be eating with us, at my insistence and then we'll be leaving. I do my best to keep dinner fun and light and I must to a good job because Ray doesn't seem to notice anything amiss. When we say goodbye I tear up but that's nothing new. The minute I put the car in drive I pounce.

"Sawyer, do you think I could stay at my place tonight?" His head jerks around to me in shock.

"No! Hyde is still out there and while it's secure it's not ideal. Is there a problem, Ms. Steele?"

"Ana. My name is Ana and no, there's no problem." I crank the volume up and hit my metal playlist. Pantera, Judas Priest and Metallica drown out any conversation I may have had with Sawyer but if I speak, I'm either going to throw up or cry. Inside I'm seething with rage but outside, other than a slightly higher than normal speed, I'm cool as can be. _How?_ How did those pictures get in my bag? It had to be Elena but she's not allowed near me.

Except for Monday. We drove the Spyder on Monday and then I spilled my purse yesterday and shoved everything in it. Could she have left this in the car on Monday? Surely he would have locked it but what if he hadn't? She came in after all of us and left before any of us and it was parked in the privacy of his parents gated driveway. If not then, when? I think of little else outside of how the pictures came to me and why we're all the same. By the time we're at Escala I'm agitated enough to stomp in the apartment and throw my bag into the closet. I've got a good two hours before Christian gets home to dwell on the latest mind fuck.

After a shower in which I scrubbed my skin so hard it turned red, _better than alabaster,_ I pulled my hair into a ponytail and put on yoga pants and a tank top. On the bed is a beautiful platinum necklace with two dozen emeralds in tear drops. Nothing else. So he wants me to wear this and nothing else. He can go scratch tonight. The necklace stays on the bed, untouched and ignored.

Half a bottle of wine later I take out the pictures and spread them on the breakfast bar. I don't want these women in _our_ bedroom. I torture myself and look at each one. Two have green eyes, three have blue and the rest have brown. They are all beautiful. Each of them much prettier than me and much more accustomed and interested in his sexual appetites. I hate them and now I know their names.

At precisely 10pm Christian walks in, tie missing, his shirt open at the collar and his eyes wary. Sawyer must have texted him about my strange behavior. Is nothing private?

"Ana, are you alright? Sawyer told me you seemed upset on the drive home." He comes closer but I stop him and ask him a very simple question.

"Is there anything about your former submissives that you want to tell me? Anything that you think I should know? Any particular reason you chose the ones you did?" He looks confused for a minute, his arms out as if he's about to be crucified before he realizes what I'm getting at.

"Why are you asking me about them? Did one of them approach you?" Anger flashes across his face as his hand reaches for his phone to call Taylor.

"Don't call anyone! No, none of them approached me but if they did, I'd know them right away. I'd know Lillian by her blue eyes and brown hair. I'd know Courtney by her green eyes and brown hair. I'd know Rosanna by her brown eyes and brown hair. Sensing a theme here? Me too."

"How do you know their names?" I step away then and wave over the pictures just like Vanna White does.

"Your past. In blues, greens and browns. All browns. Except for one." His eyes grow huge when he sees the pictures in front of him. It takes him less than a second to sweep them up and flip them over before turning his face to me. He looks utterly terrified.

"Why are they all brown haired women, Christian? All but _her_. Do I just fit the profile so well and I just happen to be so naïve that you think you can mold me into one of them?"

* * *

**CPOV**

Heat, wild and feverish blankets me as panic sets in. Breathe, I need to breathe but I can't, my lungs are frozen along with my face and my mind. There is a low whistling sound in my head but the catch in her voice as the tears start calls be back into my hellish reality.

"Ana." It's all I can manage right now and it's not good enough,_ I'm_ just not good enough. And now she knows it.

"What? Ana what?" _The truth, Grey, just tell her the truth._

"I…I…don't know what to say." That tiny sweet body of hers turns and marches towards the bedroom and I collapse to my knees, unable to bear my own weight as the emptiness of a life without Ana engulfs me. "Ana!" She turns and rushes back, falling to her knees in front of me.

"Are you alright, Christian?" Even in her despair she cares about me. Her face looks anxious and strained. _You've done this to her you sick fuck. You took this strong beautiful woman and have literally brought her to her knees in tears._

"No. I'm not alright. I'm totally fucked up, Ana. Those women," my hand waves up at the breakfast bar where the images of my conquests lie face down on the marble, "they represent just how sick I am." My head falls into my hands, the last of my control draining from me when she runs her own hands over my hair. _An angel._

"Just _tell_ me, Christian. Haven't you realized what secrets have done to you? To your family? Don't do this to us. I love you but I can't live in a world where secrets linger behind every door. I cannot always be waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"You deserve so much more than me. You should be with a normal guy who's biggest secret is the stash of porn in his night table drawer. You deserve so much better than me." She sobs then and covers her own face in her palms.

"Christian, just tell me, please." She deserves to know. _Look at her! Look what you've done to her!_

"Ana...I like to beat brown haired light skinned women because they remind me of my birth mother and I fucking hate her. I…I thought that I was a sadist but I know now that I'm not but it doesn't make me any less fucked up."

Her entire body stills, her eyes getting impossibly bigger and impossibly sadder. "You want to beat me then? Because I look like your mother?" She covers her mouth with her left hand. I've imagined a diamond ring on her finger so many times that I almost see it but then realization sweeps over me and leaves me feeling hollow and empty. It will never happen now. She will leave and marry someone else and have children with him and I will live here, alone and forsaken until I die.

"Christian? I remind you of your birth mother? A woman you just said you hated?"

"No!" Fuck! She moves back a bit, afraid of me for the first time since I met her. "I do not want to hurt you, Ana! Ever! I would kill someone who harmed you. _You_ are the reason I know I'm not a sadist!" She snorts and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Is that why you pursued me? Because I had long brown hair and alabaster skin?"

"In the beginning...I've told you this already, Ana." She sits on her heels and waits. "I wanted you from the start, when I saw you, it was like my entire world became miniature except for you. Suddenly I hated being here alone, I hated being alone at all. I just wanted to be with you and yes, I first thought that if I could just fuck you I could get you out of my system but before we ever touched I learned how ridiculous that was._ You ARE my system,_ you became _everything_ to me overnight." I know I sound desperate but she's listening so I will keep talking, anything to keep her here.

"I knew I had to tell you about my past because what I want with you is bigger than what was done to me. I want it all with you, everything, and I have since day one, it just took me a few weeks to accept it. Loving you has literally brought me to my knees and it makes me happier than anything in the entire world."

"This is me, Ana, all of me and it's all yours. Every single cell in my body craves you, every single thought in my head begins and ends with you. You own me, body and soul, you always have. My entire life I was looking for you, I just didn't know it."

We're both still on our knees when she reaches out and wipes a tear from my own cheek. I didn't feel it fall, didn't feel it run down my skin but her finger scorches me.

"If you leave me, it will end me. I am nothing without you, Anastasia." She sighs and cups my face, kissing me softly as fresh tears fall from my eyes. Her love has obliterated me, stripped me naked and exposed the soft underbelly of emotions I didn't know that I possessed.

"I'm not leaving you, Christian. I love you just the same. That night I gave you my virginity, I knew then that you would always live within my heart. I made the choice to love you then and I still do. But I need to know, right now, if there is anything else that can cut me like this. Is there anything else that she can use to damage us?" My mind works overtime to think but all I can hear is her words,_ 'I'm not leaving you.'_

"You're not leaving?" She sits up and presses my face to her chest, my arms wrapping around her waist. She smells so good, I have thought of nothing but feeling her against me for two days now.

"No, I'm not leaving." She cradles my head softly and a tearless sob escapes my chest, the pressure of loss finally relieved. "But I need to know, what else is there? Please, trust me enough to tell me everything, finding things out like this is killing me." What else can Elena possibly use against me, against us?

"Money, I gave her money to find and train my subs. $100k for each of them, fourteen in all." I brace myself but this seems to not phase her at all. "There are most likely pictures of me as a kid with her and other women. I know there are pictures of me in the clubs in Boston, some of the things I was doing are...harsh, nothing from my list of hard limits but harsh enough."

"That's it? Money and pictures?"

"That's all I can think of." I cross my heart and hold up my hand making her giggle through her tears. It's the most beautiful sound in the entire world and cracks my chest wide open igniting a sense of peace that I didn't know existed. _She's staying._

"I'm tired, Christian." She looks up and blows the hair from her tear stained face. She is so fucking beautiful it hurts to look at her. "Take me to bed, please." She rests her head against my chest as I carry her to the bathroom, relishing the mundane joint tooth brushing. _She's staying._

With a grin I pee in front of her and laugh when she scrunches up her face and rolls her eyes.

"Ana, you know all my deepest secrets, a little pee isn't going to break us at this point. Now you go." She walks over and scrutinizes me before pushing me towards the door.

"You think I'm going to go to the bathroom in front of you after seeing those super models you used to bang?"

"Bang?"

"Bang. Now get out." I wait at the door and carry her to the bed where she reaches for the emerald necklace waiting there. "I'm sorry I didn't wear it. It's beautiful."

"Tomorrow, you can wear it tomorrow." She curls her face into my neck and sighs, pushing her body closer once we're lying down with our arms wrapped around each other tightly. I don't give a shit that she didn't put the necklace on, I don't care that it cost $80k or that the emeralds were flown in from Russia on a private plane. All I care about is that this amazing, strong, independent, head strong woman is lying in my arms.

All I care about is that she's _staying._


	33. Chapter 33

**Authors note: I had a few people ask questions in their reviews but I can't answer them if you're not signed in or if you're leaving a review under 'guest' even if you type your name in. So, if you have questions, I'll answer them happily but only if you sign in. I'm not keen on using authors notes to reply individually. Also, if you haven't, check out the pinterest page, the url is on my profile page. Now, back to our favorite kinky couple.**

* * *

**CPOV**

At some point in the dead quiet of night I wake and walk to the kitchen to get rid of those photos. I see the note I had missed in my desperation last night. This is definitely Elena's handwriting, she didn't even try to hide it. She is literally hunting down Anastasia and trying to destroy what we have. For what purpose? Does she think I'd ever be with her again?

How did she get these to Ana? How did this happen _again_? I don't care that it's four in the morning, I call Taylor into the security office and he shows up, fully dressed in less than two minutes. He may have just saved his job.

"How the fuck did these get to Anastasia?" Taylor takes the pictures and exhales, running a hand behind his neck in an uncharacteristic moment of weakness.

"Fuck if I know, Sir. Where did Ms. Steele find them?"

"I haven't asked her that yet. Where's Sawyer? Get him in here." Five minutes later Sawyer walks in, also fully dressed but still half asleep. "Those pictures, where did they come from? Tell me everything from the moment you felt the shift in her demeanor." Sawyer examines each one and then places them back in the envelope with the note.

"I have no idea, sir. Are they previous…relationships of yours?" I nod tightly as I take back the brown envelope. "Ms. Steele was her usual self for the majority of her trip. After starting dinner she went upstairs to pack and when she came back down I noticed a slight difference in her demeanor but I chalked it up to her leaving her father. She seemed a bit detached and sad but not overly emotional or angry. Once we got in the car she questioned me about staying at her apartment, which I discouraged and then she put on heavy metal music, _loudly_, for the duration of the drive. She didn't speak much except to ask if I needed to stop."

"Fuck! How did these get to her? Was there a breach at Rays that we don't know about?" I'm so angry right now I could rip the monitors off of the walls and throw them out the window. Instead I resort to pulling at my hair until my head hurts.

"There were no breaches, no alarm trips, no visitors and no way for anyone to have entered the premises without our knowledge." There is no worse feeling for me than feeling out of control when it comes to Anastasia's security.

This bitch just cost me a good night's rest and the opportunity to make love to my woman. "I want this figured out by the time I get up in the morning. I want to know how she got these."

"Sir," Sawyer swallows a yawn and steps forward. "have you asked Ms. Steele?"

"Of course not! I don't want her thinking about these any more than she has!"

"Sir, if I may speak freely?" Taylor looks up and waits for my nod. "We are currently trying to take down Ms. Lincoln on two different fronts, we have 24/7 coverage on Morton and an entire team looking for Hyde. We have four serious death threats against you at the moment, an apparent embezzler at GEH and the Amazon gala on Friday night. It would save considerable man hours to ask Ms. Steele directly, I can assure you that she's already thinking about it and would most likely appreciate being asked to help." He pauses and turns his hands palm up. "She's a lot tougher than we give her credit for."

He's right of course. Right down to her being stronger than we think. "Ask her after breakfast, with me present, in here. I want as few rooms of this place tainted by this bull shit. You know Matteo is coming at 9?" Taylor nods and shuts the light as we exit.

Back in the bedroom Ana lays in the quiet darkness, unaware of the anguish sitting just two feet away from her. I have no right to have her here, no right to keep her to myself. Tonight, watching her fall apart in front of me has solidified that awareness for me. Inside I'm churning, a mixture of desire, desperation and the need of her body's submission to mine. Is it wrong that I need to have sex with her to feel like we're alright? Flynn keeps harping on me needing another way to cope but I don't know why, she's all I need.

"Ana." I breathe on the back of her neck, pushing her hair away to reveal the tender white skin there. My lips graze that heartbreaking slope of her shoulder and whisper her name again. She groans and shifts under me, pressing her perfect round ass into my groin. "I want you." She groans again and turns her head but doesn't open her eyes.

"I was dreaming about you." My whole body freezes, _she dreams of me?_ "We were on the Grace and you fell overboard and Elena came up out of the sea, like Ursula in the Little Mermaid and I ran the ship into her side and killed her." Little Mermaid? Killed Elena?

"I see. I'll have to watch this movie one day."

"It's a Disney movie. Ariel is my favorite princess, I have the DVD. I'm tired, Christian." _Fuck._

"I know, just let me love you the way you loved me the other night. I want to feel you tremble underneath me, I want to hear those sexy as fuck moans you make when you get ready to climax." She groans and pushes back against me and I know I've got her. With one hand I slide the shirt over her head and run my palm against the smooth flat planes of her back. _Perfect._

She's got damn yoga pants on but that won't stop me so I sit back and pull from the waist and watch as her perfect creamy skin appears, inch by heaven induced inch until all that's between us is a white cotton thong. White cotton, so underrated by women worldwide. If they only knew what a fucking turn on this was…She raises her hips without me asking and I peel those panties down slowly, relishing in the sight of her naked, just a few inches from me. Already she's wet.

"I can smell your arousal, Ana. You want this as much as I do. You _want_ me inside you right now."

"Yes." She gasps. I sit back and pull her hips up so that she's totally open and exposed to me and with one hand I push my boxers off, fisting myself with my other hand. Without warning I slap her clit with the head of my cock, over and over until her hips start pushing back into the air, looking for me to fill her.

Like a cat I stretch over her, my hands running underneath her until they find her thighs and pull her open wider. "Don't move, Anastasia. No matter what I do to you, don't move. I'm desperate for you, baby, I want you desperate for me. Keep your hips lifted."

She moans when my fingers pull her open and cries out softly into the pillow when the head of my cock runs down through her inner folds to drag over the tip of her clit lightly. Even this tiny contact has me on edge, desperate, _again_, for the fulfillment that only she can bring me. Over and over I run the length of her, my index and ring fingers holding her open until I begin to tap on that hard little clit with my middle finger, lightly at first and then with a bit more pressure.

"You're soaking my hand, baby. Do you feel how wet you are, dripping on the sheets and down your legs?" I press just the head inside of her, _damn it feels so fucking good._ "Is this what you want? More of this?" She moans and tries to back onto me but I hold her still, that finger tapping away while the rest of her body writhes under me.

"I need you, Anastasia. I need this with you." With one long fluid stroke I bury myself to the hilt, stretching over her body as she cries out with pleasure. Her walls tighten around me while I thrust and still I don't stop tapping. My strokes are long and slow, purposefully filling her and then emptying her until she's begging me to let her come.

"Please, Christian, please. My god, please!" Three minutes, three fucking minutes and I'm losing control.

"Fuck, Ana, you feel so good, baby." I have to concentrate on the finger tapping between her legs as she begins to thrust backwards onto me. "NO! Don't move! I don't want to come yet." She cries and buries her face in the pillow, that soft skin glowing in the moonlight, calling to me. I kiss the flesh of her shoulder and bite down, licking the flesh between my teeth. She comes then, screaming and convulsing under me and around me, the strong muscles of her pussy tightening and flexing until my own orgasm rips through me. My hips pump furiously as the pressure builds and collects, rushing out with breathtaking force.

It's only after I come back to earth that I see the deep indentation of my teeth marks on the top of her shoulder. It pleases me to no end. _She liked that little bit of pain._ Her body is limp beneath me, lost in a sea of satiated exhaustion and together we drift off, my chest to her back, holding her as closely as I can.

In the morning she's gone when I wake, a dried wet spot beneath where her pelvis had been resting just minutes before. The sheets are warm when I run my hands over them and where she sleeps the mattress is just beginning to dip a bit, a physical reminder of her everyday presence in my life. Of course, it could just be dipping because I pound into her in that spot so often. A huge smile spreads across my face at the thought.

The water in the shower turns off and she comes out, shiny from her body lotion with a towel wrapped around her.

"Lose the towel." She laughs at me and takes out a pair of nude panties and a black bra. By themselves, they're utilitarian, not even remotely sexy but on Ana, they may as well be lingerie from La Perla. "You have a killer body, you know that? And I don't just mean the sexual parts. Your legs are so strong and defined and holy fuck that line of muscle down your back? Sweet Jesus you're put together nicely."

"You're not too shabby yourself. The way your stomach has 12 blocks underneath of it every time you so much as sneeze. Or the divets on the side of your ass cheeks, very sexy, Mr. Grey. I want to bite them." She continues to talk but all I hear is bite.

"Come here, I think I may have done a bit of damage last night." _Oh shit,_ sure enough, there is a very distinct mark on the back of her left shoulder close to her neck. The impression of my teeth has long since faded but in its place is a very nice bruise. "Sorry."

She sits up and runs to the bathroom to see yelling my name when she gets a good look. "Christian Trevelyan Grey! How _could_ you! I have to teach class today you Neanderthal! Oh my god, _look_ at this!"

I want to look at it, I do, but she's standing there in just those panties and a bra and I'm hard as all hell from watching her get dressed so I do the only decent thing I can think of. I give her an orgasm. Lifting and turning her to squeals of female protests mingled with chiding giggles I sit her on the edge of the vanity sink and kiss her hard and deep, pulling the straps of her bra around her shoulders before sinking to my knees to taste the very essence of Ana.

She's still damp from her shower and as the lingering taste of soap is washed off of my tongue by her cream I'm transported directly from my bathroom into a literal slice of heaven. How someone can taste so sweet is beyond me but the taste of her on my tongue whips my body into a frenzy even as it satisfies a need in me. I explore her a little, take in the pink color of her pussy and the way she shivers each time my nose tickles the top of her mound.

Over and over I lick with a flat tongue from her ass to her clit until she grabs my head and shoves me where she wants me, holding my mouth over that hot button now throbbing between my lips. Her whimpers echo off the wall, surrounding me and encouraging me and just as she's about to come I stand and slam into her, holding her panties to the side with my thumb.

In front of me is Anastasia, hair wet, face unmade, eyes closed in ecstasy but beyond her I see me, between her legs, holding her open as she holds my neck. _I need mirrors in the playroom and behind my bed immediately. Holy fuck this is erotic._ My free hand grabs the back of her hair and pulls it roughly to the side to expose the bite mark. _Mine._ My lips latch onto her collarbone and as she watches and urges me on I suck hard enough to leave a mirrored mark.

"Yes, oh god yes, Christian." She pulls my neck back and bites me back, leaving her own mark on the top of my chest.

"Fuck yea, baby. I need you to come for me." My thumb presses against the top of her slit and I increase my pace but the site of her legs spread, her head back, and my body moving in between hers rushes me over the edge of control and I come, hard inside her the second I feel her tighten around me.

She's still convulsing around me when I pull her close and sit on the floor as my legs give out. _Forever, I need her to commit to forever with me._

"Holy shit." I pant out, the deep pulls of air searing my lungs.

She mumbles an answer against my neck, her hair a knotted mess in my hands. "What?"

"I said, I need another shower."

"Oh hell no, baby. I love knowing you're walking around with my semen in you. Fuck, just saying that gives me a thrill." My index finger reaches down and pulls her panties over her mound, patting on top of the cotton to signify that I'm done.

"You are so bad. You know we have company coming in less than 10 minutes, right?"

"I do. I'm excited to see what you pick out for the apartment." Silence stretches between us as we both debate asking and answering the question of her moving in. I can't take it anymore, she's debating moving in and I'm ready to get married. "Have you decided yet? I just want you here, with me, all of the time, Ana."

She wrings her hands and my heart falls. I already know what she's going to say. "Christian, I'm committed to you, I think we've established that at this point but moving in is too much too soon. I want to be with you all of the time as well, we can switch where we stay sometimes but I need my autonomy still. It's not a reflection of you or of us, it's just what I want at this stage of my life." My head falls onto her chest, disappointed would be an understatement.

"Are you mad?"

"Mad? No. Saddened, disappointed, frustrated, confused, those would be good adjectives. I don't understand. We're together all of the time, we love each other, you're safer here than anywhere else. I don't understand why I want this so badly and you don't." A fear creeps up my spine. "Is it because of what Elena sent you?"

She breathes in deeply and sighs. "Not really. I guess a part of it is the craziness that seems to follow you and I around but if I'm really honest with myself and with you, I just want to be independent for a while longer. I'm not ready to play house yet."

"I don't want to be without you, Ana, ever." She kisses me softly and shifts back grimacing as she straitens her legs.

"I'm not going anywhere right now anyway but my Mom is coming on Wednesday so I thought we could stay at my place. I know you don't want her here and I really want to show her what I've accomplished on my own." _That_ I can understand.

"OK, baby. I don't like it but what can I do?" Inside I'm in turmoil. She doesn't want to live with me?

She walks to the shower, reaching in for a washcloth to clean herself up. I love watching her do this, I love the reminder of what we've just done and knowing that for hours after part of me is still inside of her.

"I'd rather you stay here than your apartment, your mom too. I'm looking forward to meeting your mother." Her eyes roll and she huffs out in disbelief.

"Right. It's ok, I realize you're not going to be best friends. She's only staying two nights anyway, maybe we can do dinner Wednesday after Krav, she wants to come and watch but I told Sawyer to just drop her at the apartment. I can't handle her there. Maybe we can meet out somewhere instead?"

I drop a kiss on the top of her head and step in the shower just as Taylor knocks on the bedroom door.

"Ms. Matteo is here, sir, Ms. Steele."

"I'll entertain her while you get ready but be quick. You never did tell me what the history is with her. Did you fuck her or something?" Not a chance.

"Fuck no. Elliot did, repeatedly over the last two years. I guess they're kind of like fuck buddies but last I heard, she had a fit when he told her he'd no longer be meeting up with her because he'd found someone he wanted to be serious with."

Her cute little face lights up as she brushes her hair. "Kate?" I nod and wink before stepping under the water.

"The one and only. Ms. Kavanagh has turned my playboy brother into a love sap fool."

"Would he cheat?" Elliot? Not a chance, the guy is as loyal as they come.

"No way. He may have slept with half of Seattle and a quarter of Washington State but he's not a cheater. Kate's safe with him just like you're safe with me."

* * *

**APOV**

Gia Matteo is drop dead gorgeous. The minute I exit the hallway to greet her waiting in the great room I'm struck by her height and also by her beauty. If Stepford had a spokesperson, she'd be it. Not a hair out of place, make up perfect, shoes to die for. Her eyes rake over me cooly before she extends a perfectly manicured hand and takes mine, smiling at me but looking past me.

"You must be Anastasia. So lovely to meet you, is Christian joining us?" Suddenly I feel very territorial.

"Yes, _Mr. Grey_ is momentarily delayed but he'll be out soon enough. Shall we go into the kitchen, the books you left for us are there." She smiles and follows me. So this was the last woman Elliot was with before Kate. Can't say he's got bad taste, that's for sure.

"Can I offer you a drink?"

"No, thank you." Just then Christian walks out barefoot in jeans and a light blue polo that does little to hide his perfect physique. Gia takes notice right away and walks towards him, her mouth stretched into a smile that threatens to eat her face.

"Christian! So good to see you again, I must say, I'm looking forward to dipping my feet back into the decorators pond again." She air kisses him on both sides, something I've not seen him do before. She's totally over the top and ridiculous.

"Ms. Matteo, we appreciate you making the trip on a Sunday morning. After speaking with Anastasia we've decided to leave the library as is for now and focus on the foyer, great room, living room and our bedroom." _Our bedroom._ She can't hide her grimace at those two little words. _I could fuck him right now on this table._

His hand outstretches towards me and I lean in, kissing his cheek when he bends down to open the first of the sample books. "Which color did you like for the entrance, baby?"

For ten minutes the three of us stand around the large white books talking about colors and the direction the sun rises and sets in accordance to each room. If I had to choose between my yearly gynecological exam and picking out paint colors, I'd pick the forceps every single time. This is tedious and boring as hell.

"Ana, can I please get a glass of water?" She smiles sweetly but her message is clear. _'You, serve me.'_ Next to me Christian stiffens infinitesimally and straitens, turning to me and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'll get it, baby. Did you want anything?" That settles it, table sex the second she leaves.

"I'm fine, thank you." He disappears into the kitchen and her attitude shifts from cool and collected to ice queen. She says nothing but anyone can see that she's used to having a males full attention and Christian has been attentive only to me. Every time Gia asks him a question, he turns to me, waiting to hear my measured response and only then does he give her instructions. Every answer, every choice, is mine to make.

"Ms. Matteo." He hands her the water glass and right there, in front of my god damn eyes she takes it, brushing her fingers over his. _Got it. Game on you skank._ I chose the red silk tank top because I wanted to feel sexy today after facing the pictures of my boyfriend's ex-lovers. That old saying, 'fake it 'till you make it' rings true. I'm going to fake confidence until I feel it and this fire red satin tank, short white shorts and four inch sandaled heels are just the thing I need. What I _don't_ need is the white cardigan I donned before leaving the bedroom to fight off the chill of the air conditioner with the added bonus of hiding those dark bite marks.

Without so much as an 'excuse me' I peel the white cotton from my shoulders and brush my damp hair to the side so that the evidence of our night is within a foot of her face. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the mark on my shoulder is. The fact that we both have wet hair is just an 'innocent' bonus.

Even after being told that I was making the decisions and then having Christian deflect any and all questions to me for a finale verdict, Gia still insists on addressing him and him only. It's pissing him off but it's infuriating me. When she leans over and touches his hand again to move it to the correct color they had been discussing I amp up my game and give him a firm squeeze right on his ass.

He sucks in a gust of air and then grins, turning towards me and taking my face in his hand. "Now, the most important room of the place. Our bedroom. Do you like blue?" His eyes sparkle with mischief and I must reflect the same spark because he almost laughs when I answer.

"Well, we _do_ spend most of our time together in that room." I ask casually, without looking her way what the most calming colors are.

"Blues, greens and creams." Is her tight lipped response.

"Blue then, we'll need that calming effect often it seems." She opens to the blues and chooses four she thinks would work with the North facing walls. Still she only speaks to him and judging by the ticking of his jaw, she's about to get fired. My hand finds a resting place on the small of his back and rubs little circles there until we've finalized the colors for the three rooms we'll focus on for now.

"I hate to rush you but we've got to meet Christian's brother Elliot and his _girlfriend_ for brunch in 30 minutes." The color runs out of her face, the red lipstick that was so chic before now looks garish but she recovers quickly and closes her tablet, gathering up the binders and her briefcase.

"Well then, I wouldn't want to keep you from your plans. I'll have painters come within the next four days to do color swathing on the walls so that you can get a real feel for how it will look before we make any final decisions. Mr. Grey, is there a specific day that works best for you?"

Christian's eyebrows rise, his voice an even timbre. "You'll need to schedule that with Anastasia, she's the one making the decisions. Thank you again for coming by." He shakes her hand even though she leans in for an air kiss.

The minute the elevator door slides shut he turns on his heel and lifts the phone to his ear.

"Mr. Ellison, Christian Grey. I want another designer assigned to us effective immediately…..yes, I appreciate that but Ms. Matteos attitude towards my girlfriend was inexcusable…..thank you, I'll expect to have her back ground check completed by my staff by end of day, just forward her name to my assistant…..you as well."

And without another word he grabs my light weight sweater and hands it to me, offering his arm as we walk to the elevator. I am definitely fucking him on that table.

* * *

Kate and Elliot are seated and drinking Bloody Mary's when we arrive. I watch carefully as the two men greet each other. Christian extends his hand but Elliot bats it away and hugs him tightly, careful to not touch his back. Christian stands there bewildered even after Elliot has sat down.

"How was Miami?" I doubt Elliot told Kate what was going on but she knew something was happening between the two brothers, it was impossible to miss.

"Long, boring and without Ana. How was the opera?" He unrolls his napkin and smooths the white cloth on his leg, nervously glancing towards Elliot.

"Surprisingly not so bad. It was in English thank fuck, I got caught up on emails I'd ignored for too long." Kate smacks his arm and smiles.

"It was lovely to spend time with Grace. Ana, how was Ray?"

"Great, still no girlfriend but he seems to be just fine. He bought a new motorcycle so that was exciting." I feel Christian stiffen next to me but I refuse, absolutely refuse to have this conversation again.

There is an underlying awkwardness between the men and after we've eaten and finished our drinks I excuse myself and beckon for Kate to follow.

"What the hell is going on?" She hisses when we're out of earshot. "Elliot's been in a funk since Thursday night and the opera? On a Saturday afternoon when we could have been having sex instead? What the hell is going on, Ana? Is Christian in trouble?"

"No, he's not in trouble. There are some issues from when they were younger that the two of them are working out right now, they'll be fine." So he hasn't told her. I feel even worse for him, Katherine Kavanagh can be downright relentless when she wants information.

I waste as much time as I can, asking her mundane questions about her job and Ethan and Mia. I _should_ tell her about Gia, that's what girlfriends do for each other but it seems wrong for some reason, like I'd be raining on her relationship parade. As we approach the table the guys stop talking but I can tell by the heated look on Elliot's face and the stone face on Christian that the conversation wasn't exactly a feel good one.

"Christian tells me you're leaving for Aspen tonight for the Fourth of July Holiday."

"Yes, I'm looking forward to it, I've never been there." Elliot lets out a low whistle and runs his hand through his hair.

"You're in for a treat then. Make sure he takes you out to Takah for some sushi. Kate tells me you're a sucker for it and theirs is the best. Oh! And the Meatball Shack for lunch. Unreal how good their food is. When are you coming back?"

I look over to Christian just as he takes a sip of his water. Kate will flip a lid when I tell her why we need to come back on Tuesday.

"We're staying through Tuesday, flying back late night so that we can be at work Wednesday morning. I have a new employee starting on Tuesday so I'll need to spend some time getting him up to speed plus My mom is coming to visit through Friday." I catch her stunned expression and grimace even though she hasn't said a word. "We're going to stay at the apartment." She picks up her drink and swirls it.

"Well, then you won't find me there." _I know._ Kate met my mother briefly on her two day trip here three years ago. My moms distant demeanor and dismissive attitude towards me that weekend forced the conversation I had avoided for years and I wound up telling Kate and Jose everything when she left right down to Morton and the abuse I'd suffered. They had known, of course, on some level that something had happened, if you'd spent any amount of time with me you knew I was hiding something.

Since then every time my mom's name came up Kate would automatically go into overprotective mode and remind me of what a terrible mother I had. It got old quickly so she's resorted to passive aggressive avoidance of the issue altogether.

Kate and Elliot head out before we do, it's obvious that Elliot is caught between wanting to punish and protect his little brother but mercifully Kate says nothing. The minute they leave Christian orders another Bloody Mary and lets out a deep breath, hanging his head back and closing his eyes.

I give him a minute before reaching for his hand and covering it with my own. "He wants me to talk to my parents. Actually, he wanted me to go over there tonight to do it." His head snaps forward, eyes locking with mine. "I can't do it, Ana." His anguish is palpable.

"You can and you will. I'm so very proud of you for telling Flynn and me and Elliot but the people that really need to know are Grace and Carrick."

"And then what? My parents hate me, my mom loses her best friend, what's the point?" I take a deep steadying breath and close my eyes to think. This is a lot for him to take on. In two short months he went from secrets and solitude to being open always with someone. My life has had quite the drastic turn but so has his.

"Your mom won't lose her friend, Christian. The woman is no friend to begin with. I don't know what will happen and neither do you but are you really going to continue to live like this? Always afraid of them finding out? You had to have known that telling Elliot was the first step to telling them. You'd never let him live with this huge secret that still has presence in your lives and expect him to go on as if he knew nothing."

He pinches his nose and stands to go ignoring what I just said. "I want to go home. Taylor wants to talk to you about the pictures you…found." My stomach drops at the reminder but I take his outstretched hand and follow him to the car.

"Are you alright?" His head rolls from one side to the other before he grins and begins to drive.

"Just a headache. This emotional shit, I don't like it." _No shit._

* * *

**CPOV**

Gia Matteo is getting fired today. Female attention isn't something I'm unfamiliar with but for someone to do it so brazenly in front of my girlfriend, my very fragile girlfriend, is unforgivable. Ana plays the game just fine, better tahan Gia actually, verbally claiming the apartment as her own even though she'd just told me she's not moving in. My baby's got an edge to her and I don't mind seeing that one bit.

I'm already fuming, doing my best to control my rage when Anastasia casually shrugs off the sweater she had on to reveal the two distinct bite marks to her shoulder and collarbone. Her jealousy is quite possibly the highlight of my emotional awakening.

Before the elevator doors close I call her employer and demand a new designer, _nobody_ will treat Ana like that.

Taylor motions for me to bring her into the security room as we discussed last night but after the scene I just witnessed, that would be foolish. Instead we eat and drink with Elliot and Kate and while I do enjoy this new ritual of ours, I'm uncomfortable with the tension between my brother and myself. The second the women stand to use the bathroom he pounces.

"I took mom the fucking _opera_ yesterday, Christian. The fucking god damn _opera_! I can't jump in every time that woman wants to do something with her. You know I tried to hack into her phones calendar to see if she had anything else planned?" He's frantic in his speech, trying to shove a three day conversation into four minutes.

"Did you tell Kate?" He looks at me with disgust and shoots back his apple juice. Only Elliot still drinks apple juice like a little kid. I find it comforting for some reason.

"Of course I didn't. I want to, she is my girlfriend after all and this is only the biggest thing to ever happen in my life but I won't because you're my brother and I want you to know that you can trust me." He takes my orange juice and drinks that as well keeping his eyes on me. "Speaking of trust, from now on when I see you, I'm hugging you. I won't go rubbing up all over your back but I will hug you with two arms and you will hug me back." His voice catches but he waves it away and then twiddles the stem of his glass.

"When you do talk to mom and dad, I'll be there too if you want. If you don't that's cool too but I'd like to be there. For you."

"I don't know when I would do that, Elliot." I can barely hear myself but I can feel him tense and shove his chair back.

"Soon, Christian, you'll do it soon."

By the time we walk back into Escala my head is pounding like a drum. Taylor escorts us to the security room but Ana detours to the bedroom first, bringing me a glass of water and two Advil's. _God I love this woman._

Taylor sits across from Ana and leans his elbows on his knees. For the first time I see their relationship the way they see it. He cares about her, deeply, but as a father or an uncle, not as a threat to me. One less man I need to worry about.

"Ms. Steele, I'd like to ask you how those pictures came to be in your possession."

"I'm not entirely sure but my guess is that Ms. Lincoln brought them with her to the Greys on Monday night and put them in Christian's car either before or after she left. My name was written on the envelope so even if she had tossed them in I would have asked about them."

Taylor swings his gaze to me and sits back. "Did you lock your car, Sir?" _Did I?_

"Probably not. It's a gated driveway and I had security there. Where were your guys?" Taylor flips through a tablet and pulls up the calendar report for Monday.

"In the house and at the gate. The car would have been left unatteneded and she would have had access to it since she was a guest at the dinner. My professional opinion is that's exactly what happened. Ms. Steele, did you not see them when you got in that night?" Ana takes a minute and closes her eyes to remember.

"No, we were pretty steamed up about her even showing up and Kate had handed me a few things from the apartment right before I got in. I probably pushed it to the floor or didn't even notice it and then when my purse spilled on Thursday I shoved everything in it that I thought had fallen out. This is the result."

I still say I'd hire her. Not only is she resourceful and smart, she's a logical thinker, extremely well versed in negotiations and hot as shit. In a nutshell, the total package. She shudders out a breath and my head throbs when I recognize it as sadness. Taylor motions for us to go, he got what he needs and it's pretty clear that that would have been the only opportunity for Elena to get to Ana.

Her hand grasps mine tightly and pulls me towards the darkened bedroom. _Fuck yeah!_ Headache or not I'm up for a bit of afternoon delight. As quickly as I can I shrug out of the polo and jeans I have on but she remains clothed and waves for me to get under the covers. _Huh?_

"Take of your clothes, baby." She laughs and kisses my cheek, pulling the blankets up and lying on top of them against me. Instantly her hands smooth over my scalp, stopping every few seconds to apply pressure to my temples. It feels amazing and as much as I want to fuck her right now, this is pretty good too.

An hour later I wake to the warmth of Ana's body wrapped around me for a change. She's not asleep but she's not really awake either. "Ana?" I half turn my head but she doesn't respond. "Ana?" She blinks and smiles at me, brushing my hair away from my forehead before kissing it.

"Feeling better?" My whole body turns and envelopes her, nuzzling my face into her warm chest and nodding slowly. "Good." She resumes stroking my hair and giggles. "You snore. Did you know that?" I rise up on my elbows and give her an indignant pout.

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do, just a little but it's really cute. In 10 years it'll annoy the shit out of me though, I'm sure." _10 years? How about 70?_

"Well you, my beautiful girlfriend, bite your bottom lip even when you're sleeping. _And_, when you turn over you fully sit up and then throw yourself back down. It's frightening." She laughs when my fingers dig into her sides, her whole body tensing and drawing into itself. I've only ever seen this in the movies and a few times when I was a kid and Carrick would wrestle with Mia and Elliot. I stop and sigh at the memory.

"What?" I give her a shy smile and roll onto my back, pulling her against my side and shaking my head.

"When did you change?" She's in a light thin white t-shirt instead of that sexy as sin red tank.

"When you fell asleep. I didn't want to wrinkle my shirt since I'm wearing it on the plane tonight." I have to laugh if she thinks I give a fuck about that and since I'm the only one she'll see on the plane, I do laugh.

"You know it's a private jet right?" She nods. "And you know that I'll be fucking you 40 thousand feet in the air anyway so a few wrinkles means jack shit, right?" With that her eyes grow wide and she pounces, straddling me and grabbing at my sides the way I just did to her.

It feels foreign, strange and uncomfortable but it also…..tickles. My legs pull up but she stays on and firmly wiggles her fingers under my neck while I try to toss her off and catch my breath at the same time. "Stop, oh my god, stop!" I'm laughing so hard my cheeks hurt but she doesn't relent, instead she pile drives her head into my chest and reaches down to try and tickle my hips but I grab her wrists and lift her with my legs so that she dangles above me, Superman style as Elliot and I used to call it when we'd do this to Mia as kids.

"Put me down! Oh my god, Christian! Put me down." She looks so fucking gorgeous with her hair all messed up and falling around her face.

"Put your arms out, Anastasia." She looks at me like I'm crazy. "Like you're flying." She rolls her eyes and does as I've asked and I laugh before I drop her to my chest. "Didn't you do that as a kid?" She blows the hair away from her face and presses her lips to my sternum.

"With Ray when I was really little." My hands smooth down her back, pulling at the end of her hair so that it almost touches the curve of her ass.

"I've never been tickled before." She leans up, a puzzled and pained look on her face. "Couldn't do it. I wanted to but I couldn't. I'd sit next to my dad while he wrestled with Elliot and Mia and I'd laugh with them and sometimes I'd help hold them down but I'd never let anyone touch me." The memories are vivid and sad but she pulls me out of my melancholy when she reaches up with her fingers and traces my jaw, scratching her nails along the sensitive skin under my chin.

"Did you like it? When I just tickled you? Or did you hate it?" How could she not know?

"I loved it, anytime you touch me I love it." She hums in satisfaction and sits up to straddle my waist, still, regrettably, fully clothed.

"I read that tickling is part of BDSM sometimes." Her fingers trace lazy circles over my chest, mindlessly going from scar to scar. _It feels good._ "Did you ever…..use that method?" She seems pleased when I shake my head no. I'd never even thought of it.

"When did you read about BDSM? I thought you were too busy riding Harley's." She giggles, the vibrations of it running through her body and onto my dick.

"A bit in the morning before breakfast." She grins and giggles again. "Let me tell you, there are some things that are just not meant to be read about before coffee." Her eyes find mine and she smiles shyly. "I read about a few things that weren't mentioned in your contract." My stomach twists with nerves but she seems not to be upset.

"Like what?"

"Well, I didn't see any mention of collars or confinement and it didn't mention humiliation….and a few other things like slapping and, oh god, spitting."

"Why does spitting bother you more than anything else?"

"It's degrading. There's a difference between dominating and demeaning, at least I think so but you're the expert." I laugh and squeeze her knees.

"I've experienced almost everything you read about with the exception of most of my hard limits and having a strap-on used on me." Her face turns bright red but I'm shooting for total honesty. I've always been frank when it came to sex and I'm not about to stop now, I want her totally and completely comfortable with anything and everything she wants to do and even with the things she doesn't want to do. I want her to be able to talk to me about anything.

"So someone spit on you?" I nod slowly. "Her?"

"And others when she'd loan me out. It's pretty common but not something I ever did to a sub of mine. I chose not to because of what you just said, it felt degrading. As to collars, I never had any desire to mark a sub and humiliation isn't my thing." I half sit up then, resting the upper part of my shoulders against the headboard so that I can see her more clearly. This is one conversation I do not want to mess up.

"And how did you come up with your hard limits? Like the blood play and electric play?" She scrunches her nose in disgust, can't say I blame her either.

"Never appealed to me. Even as a kid I wasn't stupid enough to let anyone stick me with a needle or cut me, it takes enormous trust to allow that and trust isn't something I've ever really had until now." She smiles because she knows I'm talking about her.

"And the other stuff on your hard limits?"

"Just not interested. There are worse things too but I wouldn't sign on with someone who wanted a lot of it so there was no real need for me to write it out." Lying here talking about limits is a revelation to me, a lot of the things that held no interest for me were truly sadistic. _And I didn't want them._

"So, can I assume that you've done everything else on your soft limits then?" And now to the hard part. She rushes her words. "I'm not going to get mad, I can't, you didn't know me. I'm just curious." I will still tread with extreme caution.

"I've done everything listed on the soft limits, yes and I would very much like to do those things with you. Except for fisting, you're way too tight anyway." That sweet blush creeps up her neck and stays on her face as we talk.

"I just don't see how that's pleasurable. For her!" I laugh and lean up for a quick kiss. Her skin is on fire with embarrassment.

"Me neither. But I tried it once and didn't care for it. That contract was an old one, the newer ones didn't include that." This seems to please her.

"I wouldn't mind trying some of those things with you." Her voice is soft and low but I know what I heard and it's only confirmed by the darkening of her face. My cock is at full staff now, pulsing beneath the seam on her tiny white shorts.

"You would?" She bites down on that bottom lip and tosses her hair behind her. "Stop biting your lip, Ana or I will fuck you right here whether we're finished talking or not."

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Bossypants." I laugh again and adjust my erection so that it's not so painful but she rolls her hips to tease me and I shoot her one last warning look. "Sorry." She whispers with a giggle.

"Ana, I would do anything you asked of me as long as you really wanted to do it. Not because you think I want it. I want you any and every way I can have you and if all we ever do is vanilla, that's enough for me. I find it more satisfying than any other type of sex I've ever had to be truthful."

"So if I said I never wanted to do any of that stuff, you'd be ok with it?" My heart drops, I really want to do a lot of that with her but if she doesn't want to, then I don't want to.

"I just want you happy and satisfied." It's the god's honest truth. "As long as I can bury myself inside of you and make you come, I'll die a happy man." She leans forward and brushes her lips along my jaw before nipping at my ear.

"I _want_ to try some of it. With you." I'm going to shoot off in my pants if she keeps this up. I swallow hard and grip the sheets beside me.

"Like what?" That lithe body of hers rolls back, totally unaware of the power it wields. I'd give her _anything_, do _anything_ for her so long as she rolls on too of me like that.

"Well, I don't see genital clamps ever coming into play and I'm not hanging from any ceiling for you or anybody, ever and you can fuck _yourself_ before you _punish_ me but the rest of it, I'd be open to trying." She rushes to add, "Eventually!" and I know she's talking about anal sex. I want her and will have her every way possible and as pleasurable as anal sex is, I'll wait as long as I have to.

"Ana, we'll never do anything you're uncomfortable with or not ready for." I shift, the ache in my balls just about killing me. "So you'd be willing to try some toys?" She nods hesitantly. "And you'd be ok with being tied up?"

"Tied up, not strung up and only if we agree it's for _kinky_ sex, not for BDSM. I don't want that on my resume."

"Your resume? What the fuck? Do you plan on applying somewhere else one day 'cause fuck if that's going to happen! You're _mine_, Anastasia, don't play around with that." She lays a hand on my chest and kisses me again just as the alarm on her phone goes off.

"Calm down, I was being playful. Kinky is fine so long as it's on my terms for now. BDSM and punishments are not."

"OK but you realize that kink is part of BDSM, right?" She's blurring the lines which in and of itself is fine, most couples at some point introduce aspects of the lifestyle into their sex lives, but I don't want her coming back at me after we've played.

"I do realize that but I want to try. Not just because I want to make you happy but because I really am interested. I'm still a bit shocked that I enjoyed the spanking and _god_ did I like those silver balls but I want to keep our vanilla life too." Gripping her thighs hard I flip her onto her back and laugh into her neck.

"Baby, I wouldn't give that up for anything. Now get dressed, you're late for class. Where's your bag for Aspen? You really only need a toothbrush and I'm sure I've got extra there."

"What about when we go out to those restaurants Elliot told us about? I should go naked?" She's joking but it enrages me to think of her naked in front of anyone else.

"Don't play at that either, Ana. I'm a jealous and possessive man." My whole body pushes her into the mattress, pressing the air out of her lungs before I lick her neck from collarbone to ear. "I don't give a fuck what clothes you bring, I have no intention of you ever getting dressed."


	34. Chapter 34

**APOV**

"Did you run a back ground check on Matthew Smith?" I close out of my voice mails as Taylor hits the button in the front seat and automatically the glass partition goes up giving us privacy. "That was subtle."

"Of course I did. The guy's going to be working for you. I needed to make sure he wasn't a freak or a criminal. I sent Missy a copy for his HR folder."

"I know, that's how I found out. He's _my_ employee, Christian, not yours. Don't start meddling in my business or I will get seriously pissed."

"It's not your business I was worried about, Anastasia. It was your safety." He will never get it will he?

"Next time you want to do something like that that could impact my business or my employees in any capacity, ask me first." He answers tightly while he looks out the window.

"Will do. That's what you're pissed about?"

"Yes. But I've gotten so used to your overprotectiveness that this seems mild so you're getting off easy. Now tell me what you found out, I know hardly anything about him personally."

"29, African American, 5' 11", religious affiliation unknown, married, twin three year old daughters. Originally from Briarcliff Manor, New York but moved out here after college and met his wife. Graduated fourth in his class from SUNY with a master's degree in Asian Studies/Business Administration and a minor in Linguistics/Business Administration." He chuffs out a puff of air and grins. "That's a smart hire on your part by the way. You're amazing."

"_He's_ amazing to have studied that way but thank you. Now, when you meet him, pretend you don't know any of that or you will freak him out."

The paparazzi have all but abandoned me at this point and the lone photographer hanging outside the Pilates studio snaps the obligatory photo of Christian and me walking in along with a few students. Riveting. Jared comes right over, does his whole granola eating, tree hugging, hemp wearing _'Namaste'_ and then retreats with Christian to the viewing room.

Since I have two pretty obvious….love bites on my body I leave my hair down and wear a light weight scarf, walking between students and focusing on proper positioning and stamina. Christian is on his phone the entire time, no doubt working now so that he can relax tomorrow.

Jared occasionally attempts to engage him in conversation but Christian politely cuts him off each time. I feel a bit bad for Jared but once you disrespect me, you're pretty much guaranteed to receive hostility from my boyfriend. Little Miss Matteo found that out the hard way this afternoon. The memory makes me smile and I turn to find his face, watching me through the glass.

He offers a little wave and then rolls his eyes and his neck towards Jared who is still attempting conversation. Christian makes a gagging motion with one hand and then crosses his eyes and lolls his head to the side dramatically. Funny as it is, I hope this is the last class he insists on coming to, it's hard for a few of the ladies in my class to concentrate. I can't blame them, when sex itself is sitting a few feet away and it looks like _him_, it's tough to care about the form of your V sit. The second the class is over he walks out purposefully, gives those same ladies a panty dropping smile and then grabs my hand pulling me to the SUV.

I change into my 'plane' outfit in the back seat of the car while he watches and blocks Taylor's view of me earning him an eye roll and a chuckle. After a quick stop at Starbucks we arrive at Sea-Tac but instead of going to the terminals, we bypass them and drive to a secluded part of the airport I didn't even know existed. I have no idea what I was expecting when he said 'private jet' but it definitely wasn't this.

We've driven directly onto the Tarmac and are greeted by a beautiful blond who introduces herself as Nanette and then hands me a glass of champagne. _Don't mind if I do, thank you very much._ Across the side of the plane in big bold gray letters are the words 'Grey Enterprise Holdings'. _My boyfriend owns this._ I keep it together until Nanette ushers us inside and I take a look around.

"This is yours?" His hands are in his pockets as he rolls back on the balls of his feet. He's so proud it makes my toes tingle.

"Yup. Bombardier BD-700, custom made. This baby can fly from Seattle to Tokyo without having to refuel even once. He runs his hands over the tan leather seat closest to him like it's a lover. I've never seen him like this, excited by something other than me to the point of acting like a school boy. It's wonderful and I follow him around, trying to remember bits and pieces of the things he finds so exciting.

"Regina, my girlfriend Anastasia Steele, Ana, Regina Valen, pilot extraordinaire." We shake hands and she smiles at me warmly before going over a flight plan and protocols with Christian. I don't know if it's her perfect mocha skin or the way she smiles at me but Regina seems awfully young to be piloting a plane. As soon as we shut the cabin door I start throwing questions at Christian.

"How old is she? Shouldn't there be a co-pilot? How long has she been flying?" He laughs and cups my face, kissing me between each answer.

"I'm not sure but I think somewhere around 35. There _is_ a co-pilot, me. And she's been flying since her dad taught her how to when she was 14, you'll meet him on the flight home. Do you think I would ever put you in danger?"

"No, I don't but she looks so damn young! And what do you mean you're the co-pilot?" His back straightens and he puffs out his chest.

"I can fly. I mostly fly my helicopter and my glider when I can but if there is an emergency on board, I can fly the jet." He walks past me, grabbing my hand again and rifling through the onboard kitchen until he finds a something he wants. "Apple?"

"No, thanks." I've never been nervous to fly but being the only two people up here, for some reason it freaks me out.

"Let me give you a tour while Nanette gets us some refreshments for take-off." Across from the kitchen is a small door housing a small room for Nanette to relax in so that we can have privacy. There's a seat and a single sized Murphy bed. I've never seen anything like it and he laughs at me when I ask him to put it down so that I can see it. There's also a miniscule bathroom as well as quite possibly the tiniest closet I have ever seen. Past the stewardess room is the main cabin. Towards the front is a wraparound tan leather couch facing a huge flat screen TV and further down are 12 oversized tan leather seats facing each other in groups of twos and fours.

"This door," he opens it and steps inside, "is my office in the sky. I can access any and all of GEH's records from here." His office is small by comparison but still manages to be impressive. Across the hall is a bathroom and a media center where laptops, printers, faxes and scanners are neatly organized. His eyes gleam when he gets to the back and final door.

"And this," he says, winking and grinning like a fool, "is where we're going to fuck." He walks in and spreads his arms out, looking up at the mirrored ceiling. "Oh yes! How could I have forgotten the mirrored ceiling?" _Oh my god._

"Have you ever…..has anyone ever been in here with you?" A salacious smile spreads across his face as he stalks towards me, grabbing my ass and pulling me tightly against what is a quickly growing erection.

"Nope. Only you, baby. And before you can ask, no one's ever been to my Aspen house or the apartment in New York either." _What?_

"You have an apartment in New York too?" His nose nuzzles against mine as he nods, the warm heat of his body melting into me.

"Mmmhmmm. We'll go there soon. Come on, let's get in the air so I can get you back here." With a kiss meant for porn movies we walk out and settle into our seats. Nanette has spread out an impressive platter of cheese, crackers and fruit and refreshes our champagne.

"How long is the flight?"

"A little less than two hours, then it's about a 15 minute drive to my house." He pulls out his phone and shuts it off, handing it to Nanette who quickly stores it in his office before buckling herself in. Regina's voice comes over the intercom and informs us that we're next in line for takeoff and before I know it, Seattle is fading into the horizon as we rise into the clouds.

"Why isn't Taylor coming with us?" I've rarely, if ever, seen Christian out and about without him. He spreads some fig jam on a cracker covered in brie and looks surprised.

"It's the Fourth of July. I gave him tomorrow off." He begins to fix himself another cracker and continues. "Aspen isn't really a security concern of mine but we'll have a team anyway. I've met a few of them when I was last here with my family." So not alone then.

There is a heavy silence between us as we sip our champagne and nibble on fruit. Truth be told, I'm not exactly looking forward to seeing myself have sex. I've come a long way in just over two weeks but a vixen I am not.

"Hungry?" I ask him when he reaches for a cluster of green grapes. He slowly pops one in his mouth and grins.

"Very. But I'm in the mood for salted caramel." _Oh god._ "Know where I can get some all the way up here?"

"I could ask Nanette if she's got some in the kitchen." I squeak out, terrible at this game of seduction he plays so well. He stops mid-chew and laughs, standing the second the Regina lets us know we can move about the cabin. His hand shoots to mine and lifts me up from my seat, walking with purpose to the bedroom in the back.

Once the door is locked he leans against it, letting his eyes travel up and down my body before pushing himself upright by his shoulders. Instead of coming to me though, he walks towards the bed and sits on the edge, unbuttoning his pants and kicking off his shoes and socks. Not once does he look anywhere but at me.

"Strip." His voice is deep and husky, the demand in it rushing through me and instantly turning me on. The tank top and bra are tossed onto the chair in the corner but he stops me before I can take off anything else. "Leave on the heels and turn around when you take off the shorts." I know what he wants and despite my own nervousness, I'm going to do it for him.

I half turn and unbutton my fly, pulling the zipper down before looking over my shoulder at him, purposefully tossing my hair to the side so that he can see my pout. "Off." He mouths, rubbing the groin of his jeans with the flat of his palm. I push the white fabric down, bending over as it slips over my ass. He groans and then pulls his shirt over his head.

Damn he is so fucking hot. There is not an ounce of fat on his body, not one hair that doesn't look like it was placed there by an artist seeking perfection, not one mole or freckle that diminishes his appeal. I will do anything he asks of me right now.

"Come here and give me your breasts." I settle myself between his knees, standing so that his mouth is at the same level as my nipple. "So beautiful, Ana. So sensual, so feminine." He places two chaste kisses on each nipple. They pucker and flush at his touch, the only relief coming in the form of his tongue as he laves first one and then the other as his hands skate up the back of my thighs until he grips the curve of my ass.

After a minute he stops and shifts up on the bed, resting his head on a pillow before grinning at the mirrored ceiling.

"Come here." Oh god just his voice has me trembling. "Shoes on." He reminds me sternly when I reach down to unbuckle the red strap. "I want your mouth on my cock." The entire lower half of my body clenches, liquid gathering between my legs and readying me.

His legs widen to accommodate my body and with one long wet stroke I lick him from the bottom of his sack to the tip of his crown and back down again. He says nothing but jerks beneath me, his legs opening a bit wider so that I can suck on his balls. I like this, the power doing this to him affords me. There's a vulnerability on his part that I find to be such a turn on.

Keeping with our biting theme of late I gently nip up his length and back down, each time my teeth apply pressure his abdomen tenses.

"Suck it, please, Ana." I know he's afraid I'll tease him like I did on the Grace but I don't have the patience for that right now, I want him inside of me and if I need to do _this_ to get _that_, then I need to make this quick.

In one deft move I suck him in as far as I can, my tongue swirling around the tip and the top of his shaft as I bob up and down. His legs are taught under my palms, the slight tremble a testament of his waning control.

When I glance up his mouth is open in an O and his eyes are glued to the ceiling. I had totally forgotten about the mirror but now that I see his appreciation, my reservations disappear. He loves this, I should too.

His eyes still watching I scratch my left hand up his abdomen, over his nipple and across to his heart where I grip the hair there gently. He groans and jerks, shutting his eyes for a second before opening them to resume his voyeurism. When I reach down with my right hand and tug at his sack he rears up, falls back down and then grabs my hair roughly.

"Fuck, yea. Oh shit, just like that." He's panting and moaning with each downward suck. "Ana, I'm going to come baby. Fuck don't stop. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" His back arches, his hand tightens, his legs shake but he keeps his eyes open until I've milked him dry, swallowing all he gives me and kiss up his chest to rest on top of him.

He's breathing hard, holding me to him in a loose limbed hug that screams of satisfaction. It takes him less than two minutes and before I know it he flips me so that I'm lying on top of him, my back to his chest so that I can see my very naked body in the mirror above. So this is his view. _I need a wax._

"God, look at you. So fucking perfect." His large hands run over my chest and stomach and rest on my mound where his fingers drum lightly, the tiny vibrations sending me into a tightly wound frenzy. "Spread your legs for me." Brazenly I do as I'm told and plant my feet on either side of his legs. "Watch me."

Both of his hands reach up to pinch and pull at my breasts, grabbing them with his palm before dragging his fingers to the tips, elongating my nipples and making the coil in my womb twist. "You're dripping on me, Ana. Does this feel good, baby?" His neck bends forward to kiss my neck as I groan and writhe on top of him. I don't even recognize the woman above me, spread out and almost begging for him to fill me.

"What do you want, Anastasia?" I groan and close my eyes but he slides his now hard cock up through my sex, sending electric jolts from my groin to my brain.

"You."

"Where?"

"Inside me."

"Like this?" He chuckles and reaches around to hold his erection lengthwise against my parted lips, rubbing up and down. He pants in my ear when my wetness coats him.

"_No_, inside me, Christian. _Please_."

"Oh, you mean like...this." He slides inside me and I gasp loudly, arching my back so that I can grind down on him. It feels so good, so fulfilling to have him in me and underneath me. "Shit you feel amazing." He holds still for a minute and then moves slowly, both of our eyes focused on the visual above us.

In my entire life I've never seen anything so erotic.

"That's fucking hot. Holy fuck look at you." My red heeled sandals find leverage on the mattress and I lift myself slightly only to grind back down in a slow rhythm, circling my hips and reaching up to grab at his hair.

"So good, Christian." I pant and close my eyes, the sight of me like this almost too much. It doesn't seem real. "I want you so much. All the time." He growls and grabs my hips tightly and begins to raise his hips quickly, meeting my downward thrusts with his own. "Oh god, yes!"

"Fuck me, Ana, let me watch you fuck me like this." Oh my god I'm right there and it has little to do with his body and all to do with his words. I double my speed and grip his hair tightly, the gravely hiss in my ear an indication as to how well I'm doing. "Open your eyes and watch."

I don't want to, I'm afraid it will ruin the moment but he gives me no room to argue. One hand leaves my hip to grip the back of my hair, pulling my head aggressively to the side so that we're face to face. I can see myself the way he sees me, spread, wet, breasts bouncing on each thrust and for the first time I feel my true sexuality. His eyes are focused on his cock as it breaches my body but my eyes are focused on him.

"Come on, baby, I want to watch you come like this." He licks the shell of my ear and then pulls my hair tighter and the spiral starts in my breasts and travels at lightning speed to my womb.

"Fuck!" I scream, not caring who may hear or what I may look like. I need to come and now. There's a huskiness to his demand but I have no idea what he's saying, my entire body is focused on the painful pleasure desperate for release.

My eyes open wide as the coil springs, my eyes resting on his face. He's determined, almost angry looking, the tendons and veins in his neck dangerously close to snapping. I come undone, writhing and grinding down onto his larger than life cock looking for him to fill me. Our hands are pulling at each other's hair, our hips pumping furiously against each other's.

"God damn! Holy shiiiiiiit!" He roars and I watch the muscles in my own abdomen tense and ripple as my orgasm takes over. He jerks underneath me, strong thrusts of his hips turning into disjointed pulses and finally into stillness. Holy mother of god that was good.

"I'm installing mirrors in the bedroom at Escala. Give me my phone, I'll call Taylor now." I laugh and he slips out with a groan, rolling me onto my side and pulling the blanket from beneath us to cover our nakedness.

* * *

**CPOV**

She thinks I'm kidding but I am most certainly not, I want mirrors everywhere. _Holy shit_ that was hot. Her body is sticking to mine, her hair strewn everywhere including my face but I couldn't move if I wanted to. That was, without question, the second most erotic sex I've ever had only trumped by the time I took her virginity. I smile and pat myself on the back. _All mine._

We've still got a solid 45 minutes before we land so I untangle myself from her sweet body and tuck her in chuckling at her ability to sleep so easily. With a satisfied grin I get dressed and grab the platter of snacks Nanette has left out before I close myself in the office. Holiday or not, tomorrow the final audit report on Agnes Perkins is due and I want a total so that I can have her arrested.

Welch sends me a e-file update on Morton. He's visited a brothel in the last 24 hours but that's not a violation of his parole nor is it a crime worth jail so I leave it alone and focus on the latest report from Ray's friend who is hunting down Hyde. It chills and encourages me.

He's been able to determine that in the last 24 hours Hyde has been seen in two different locations in Seattle. The first one is the deli across the street from Ana's apartment and the other is at a gas station on the outskirts of town. An involuntary chill runs down my spine. _Outside of Ana's apartment._

"Sir." I have zero time for pleasentries right now.

"When was your last contact with our guy?"

"30 minutes ago. He believes that Hyde followed you to the airport and is now heading out of town. I sent a man to the hangar and confirmed that a man matching his description had inquired as to where the jet on the tarmac was going."

"So he was there while we were! **_FUCK_ **Welch! How did this happen?" In my mind I run through everything we did between the car and the plane. Introduced Nanette, took a glass of champagne and then walked up the stairs. A total of less than one minute but long enough for him to have seen us and gotten off a shot if he had a gun. I feel sick.

"Sir, we're closing in on him, at most we're 70 minutes from his last known whereabouts. He's getting desperate and sloppy just like we knew he would. The man at NetJets said that he had a limp and a full grown beard so whatever Sawyer did, he managed to hurt him. I've got Ryan reviewing security camera footage from the deli and the hangar as we speak." It's a small consolation right now.

"We also know that he left in an older model Honda Accord. I've alerted the authorities along all major routes from Seattle to Aspen and have a team of security sweeping the grounds now at the house. They'll meet you at the airport and escort you to the house; a car in front, a car behind. I'm confident we'll apprehend him shortly."

"If something happens to her, Welch, I can't even begin to describe the rage I will let out and I will direct it all on you. Tell Ray's guy I'll double whatever his fee is if he gets this closed tonight."

"Sir."

I can't contact the guy hunting Hyde down since I can't have any ties at all to the man. I know Ray has given him my latest instructions to bring him in alive but I also know Ray has his own set of demands and Hyde beign alive wasn't one of them. Shit! I pace back and forth in the six foot wide space, tugging at my hair and cursing over and over at my impotent position right now. I'm 32 thousand feet in the air and don't know where this asshole is.

Taylor calls then to inform me that they are certain that the man at the gas station was in fact Hyde and that they were able to narrow down the year of the car to 1994 and the color to red. Damn idiot picks a red car. I'm a bit relieved when he tells me that the flight plan wasn't disclosed, he's got to make his move on nothing more than a guess but if he's waited this long, he's not about to let a little thing like this get in the way.

"Taylor what's the latest with Ms. Morgan?"

"Nothing, Sir. She still refuses to cooperate on the contents of the tapes even after she was presented with the evidence of his brutality on other women. It almost seemed as if she liked it. Her phones, emails and visits have all been monitored around the clock but nothing suspicious has turned up."

"And the car?"

"We've run the plates and have requested an APB on all major roadways but so far, nothing of consequence. Our guy is on his way, he's convinced Hyde is going to take the highway to save time since he has no idea we're this close to him. I tend to agree, Ray's guy is sharp as a tack."

"I want him vicious. Smart is secondary. Keep me informed."

"Christian?" That soft sleepy voice immediately smooths over me and while inside I'm still as close as ever to a mental breakdown, I hide it well and turn to embrace her. But the minute my arms wrap around her the panic seizes me again, _anything_ could happen to her, _anything_ could take her away from me.

"What's wrong? Why is your heart about to leap out of your chest?" She lays her hand on my sternum and kisses it but it brings no relief to the strangled fear wrapped around my head like a vice. "Christian? Is something wrong at home?"

There has been so much lobbed at this 22 year old woman in the last few weeks. So many changes and confrontations and heartache that I debate telling her. Surely it would only frighten and terrorize her to know that the man who said he'd kill her _and then tried to_, is on his way to what's supposed to be our escape from everything.

"Nothing, baby, just bullshit that I'm trying to wrap up." She doesn't buy it but she doesn't press either. "Did you sleep well?" She rolls her eyes and pulls away, adjusting the strap on her tank top.

"Yes. I think I have sex narcolepsy. Is that a real thing because I swear, after we've done it, I pass out so fast I can't remember even putting my head on the pillow."

"I'm not sure," I laugh, kissing her and squeezing her to me again, "but if it is real, you definitely have it! Come on, let's get you strapped in, we're going to land in less than 10 minutes and I'd like for you to eat a little something more."

"What time is it?" I have to think since we're switching time zones.

"Seven I believe. I wanted to go for dinner before heading to the house but I think we'll go straight there. I've alerted my staff to have something prepared for us. Do you like venison?"

"As in, Bambi? I've never had it." She doesn't look happy but it thrills me just the same to have her with me. "I guess I'll try anything once." My ears and my dick heard that.

"If you don't like it we can have Carmella make something else." She cozies up to me as we take our seats and sips her new cold glass of champagne.

"I really want to try that sushi place Elliot talked about." I really don't want her out of the house with all that's going on but when she asks like that…

"We'll see what the day brings tomorrow, ok?" She nods and rests her cheek on my arm, sliding her hand into mine as we descend.

On the ground the team of security Taylor has arranged greets us and it doesn't take Ana long to inquire as to why there are five men here instead of the usual one or two. It's an easy enough question to brush off since I'm busy instructing the lead man, a guy named Hall, as to what my expectations are for the drive home.

In the car we're driven by Hall and just as I was told, a black Escalade is in front of us and another behind us. Ana keeps looking out the windows, a V between her brows as she tries to work things out in her head. Her hands twist in her lap until I take one and run my thumb over her knuckles. She relaxes a bit under my touch._ I have the same effect on her as she does on me._

"This is your vacation home? Holy crap!" I laugh at her choice of words and look out the window. It really is stunning lit up from within, the dark wood and large stones shadowed in the dusk. "How often do you come here?"

"A few times a year. Mostly to ski but occasionally just to get away from things." She continues to stare and gape when we exit the car and walk inside to be greeted by Mrs. Bentley.

"Carmella Bentley, my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele. Ana, my house manager Carmella."

After a brief introduction and a quick tour of the first floor which ends in the kitchen where Mrs. Bentley has laid out the table for dinner, Ana seems a bit calmer. After two glasses of wine she's downright relaxed.

"This was incredible by the way. I don't even feel guilty eating it." She polishes off the last of her venison steak, swirling it around the red wine reduction sauce Carmella is famous for. "When do I get to see the rest of the place?" I tip back my wine and rise, offering her my hand to grasp.

"Right now." She pauses in the great room and sighs. "What?"

"I'm picturing myself sitting in that chair, with a book, a cup of coffee and a roaring fire. Oh! And it's snowing outside." I file that away and make a mental note to make that happen.

The upstairs of the house is comprised of bedrooms, bathrooms, a laundry room and a glass domed library. I save that for the very last room, walking past the door twice before opening it to reveal the cherry wood shelves, dark leather chairs and the view. Her feet freeze on the threshold.

"Oh my god." She breathes and then clasps her hands over her mouth. "Oh my god! Oh my god! This is…this is….oh my god!" I'm bouncing on my heels watching her as she walks around the room reverentially touching the leather bound spines of every book worth reading. Her ass plops itself into an oversized chair where she closes her eyes and covers her heart with her hands.

"If I died right now, I'd be the happiest woman in the world." Just the thought has me running to her side. Those green eyes pop open and smile. "How do you ever leave this place? It's stunning."

"So, you like it?" I tease.

"Christian, you have a fireplace built into a glass wall and every book known to man. This is my vision of heaven." She sighs and stands up, resting her cheek against my chest as she wraps her arms around my waist. "It's all so grandiose. What made you build a house like this?" The answer is simple.

"I was waiting for you." She squeezes me tightly, my mind replaying the design and construction process. "When I designed this I focused on this room more than any other which was strange since I had no real appreciation for library rooms to begin with. I guess I'll call it fate."

My phone rings then to the shrill tone I have reserved for my security staff. Immediately my heart rate picks up.

"Sir, we've identified a car matching the Honda at a gas station just outside of Echo, Oregon. We've got a team about 20 minutes away on Interstate 84 and will keep you posted."

"Every 15 minutes, Welch." My heart is hammering in my chest.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, baby. Do you want to watch a movie or read a book? Or, we can fuck. You pick; if you let me pick, we're definitely fucking." She steps back and slits her eyes at me.

"Something is going on and I want to know what it is."

"Ana, leave it." She tenses and huffs out a breath crossing her arms in front of her.

"Does it concern me? Your phone has been ringing since we landed and each time it does you get all jumpy. What's going on?"

"Nothing!" I chuckle. I'll tell her when it's over. I see no benefit in telling her that she's being hunted down right now by a man who has sent her four washcloths with semen in them, 19 psychotic love letters, a picture of an engagement ring and a list of the names he wants for their children. Not to mention the stalking and assault.

"OK, whatever you say, Christian. I don't feel well enough to fight about anything right now anyway."

"What's the matter, baby?" My hands hold her face and search for any sign of what's bothering her. She shrugs and closes her eyes.

"I don't know, it comes and goes. I feel a bit nauseous but mostly I have a killer headache."

"We should get you to a doctor." Her hands pluck my phone away so that I can't dial the physician Andrea found out here should we need one. "Ana. My phone."

"You can have it back when you stop overreacting. It's probably stress." It pains me to hear the words because I know it's being in my life that's stressing her out. She sighs and hands me the phone back when Welch's ringtone begins blaring.

"I have to take this, baby, I'm sorry." She rolls her eyes and huffs out, walking to window to get a closer view of the grounds.

"Sir I've alerted the Oregon State Police who are willing to cooperate with us. They've dispatched two cars near Haines and will detain and arrest Mr. Hyde. You'll need to contact the Oregon DA's office so that we can expedite his transfer to Washington State. My influence only goes so far. I've emailed you the name and number of the person you need to speak with."

"If Hyde maintains his current speed Ray's guy should be able to overtake him within the next 15 minutes. If he deviates for any reason, we'll zero in on a 100 mile radius and bring in some copters."

"Every 10 minutes, Welch. I want to know exactly what's going on as it goes on." Per custom we hang up without formalities. Ana is watching me carefully so I give her a smile and pick her up with a screech and carry her to our bedroom where I promptly toss her on the bed. Distraction by sex. It's a win/win.

"Uh uh. I'm seriously not feeling well right now. I need some Advil's and bed." She gives me a sad look and scoots off the mattress to brush her teeth. "You're not mad are you?"

Normally, I would be but right now, if she's sleeping I can focus on what's going on with Hyde and not have to worry about her finding out anything.

"Not at all. It's probably altitude sickness, it takes a few days for it to balance out in some people. Come on, I'll tuck you in." Once she's settled in my gray cotton t-shirt, teeth brushed and hands lotioned I give her an unusually chaste kiss and then shut the door, dialing Welch before I hit the stairs.

"Update."

"Nothing new since we last spoke. The troopers are in position, our guy is convinced he's closing in on him."

"I'm going to call the DA's office now and have my father follow up if I run into any issues."

The District Attorney's office is closed for the night but I have the State Attorney's home number. Of course. I don't feel the least bit guilty calling a private residence at 11 in the evening to demand that they do what I want. Of course, the guaranteed donation I'll be sending in to her reelection campaign and the promise of a $50k grant for the state's DNA lab doesn't hurt. Business attended to I check on my girl and watch her sleep for a minute before heading downstairs to get myself a glass of Bourbon.

The wait is agonizing. The great room in this house is huge but it closes in on me with each pace of my feet. As promised Welch calls every 10 minutes but there hasn't been any new developments for close to two hours. The minutes tick by silently as I stare out at the mountains, standing at the huge glass windows, my hand cramping from the iron grip I have on the tumbler in my hand.

At 1:01 in the morning my phone rings again and before the first ring is finished I have it pressed to my ear.

"We've got him." The glass in my hand falls to the floor with a thud, my hand immediately raking through my hair.

"Alive?"

"Yes, he hardly put up a fight. Ray's guy was right, he caught up to him in North Powder and maintained speed until he pulled off at an exit for a coffee. It appears as if he planned to drive through the night. Our guy approached him when he walked back to his vehicle, ID'd him and made a citizen's arrest after roughing him up a bit."

Satisfying as that is I hope it doesn't fuck things up later on.

"For obvious reasons our guy couldn't stay for the actual arrest but he called the local authorities then called me. Handcuffed him to his steering wheel after disabling the car and took off. He's headed to an unknown location now."

"And Hyde?"

"Cops are there now. I've got a team on the way to oversee it all but the DA has already called the local police department and is sending the State Troopers there now to process, report and extradite. His car will be impounded and searched. It's a done deal, Sir."

"Thank you." I hang up and drop to my knees in relief. One less person who wants to hurt Anastasia. The burden I've been carrying around from the minute I found out about his existence to now falls off of my shoulders and dissolves. I kept her safe, just as I said I would. If I believed in God, I'd pray to him right now and offer up my humblest thanks for making me a wealthy son of a bitch.

"Ray. Christian. We got Hyde."

"I know. Just hung up with him. Wish he was dead though. Annie know yet?"

"I'm going to wake her and tell her now. Tell your guy I may need him for another project." He grunts before clearing his throat.

"Thank you. For protecting my little girl." His sincerity strikes at me.

"I love her." It's a statement of fact and not one I can hide behind. Loving her has cracked my heart wide open and left it raw and exposed.

"I know you do, son." I hear a click on the other end and stand to go to Ana.

My feet feel light, almost as if I'm floating but I manage to get up the stairs and into the bedroom, landing at the side of the bed where she's sleeping peacefully. Inside I debate the merits of waking her to tell her or waiting until morning. Ultimately the decision is made for me when she opens her eyes and gasps in terror when she sees me standing so close to her.

"Fuck! It's just me, Ana! It's just me, you're safe!" She jumps to her knees and wraps her body around me seeking comfort. I stroke her hair and shush her until she giggles into my neck and falls back on the bed.

"God, Christian. You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing anyway standing there like a creep?"

"Look at me, Ana. I've got really great news." She gets back into a kneeling position and looks at me expectantly. "Hyde's been arrested. He's being processed and shipped back to Seattle to go to prison for what he did to you. It's over, baby."

* * *

**APOV**

"It's over?" He nods with a satisfied smirk. "He's been arrested?" Another nod. "It's over?"

"Yes, Ana, he's gone." All of the air rushes out of my lungs and my body bends forward as a feeling I've never experienced before seizes me. I don't know what it is but it terrifies me and steals my breath. My heart is beating wildly, the tips of my fingers numb and uncomfortably cold but it's the loud whine between my ears that frightens me the most. I can hear Christian talking to me, I know he's rubbing my back and telling me something but it sounds as if I'm underwater.

Suddenly I'm standing but my feet aren't touching the ground. Instead I'm being held tightly against a hard male chest, while my fear slowly recedes.

"Ana, you're safe. I will always keep you safe. Shhhh, now, relax, I've got you." He repeats himself several times until he finally lays me down, the few seconds it takes him to lift his shirt off just about pushing me back into panic mode. He senses my impending panic and doesn't take his pants off before he lies down and pulls me against him tightly. My face is pressed into his chest, the low rumble of his voice a soothing comfort as he continues with his mantra.

After a few minutes I ask for details. His hesitation is warranted, he's clearly afraid I'll have another melt down but I need to know. After reassurances he explains it all, from Welch's call before we landed to the tail he had on Hyde to the arrest and his call to the DA.

He knew this was happening for hours._ Hours!_ And didn't tell me. My entire body tenses but the confusion is overwhelming. He knew and told me repeatedly nothing was going on. And Hyde has been arrested and is gone, out of my life until I have to face him at a trial.

_He was on his way here._ And Christian knew it and said nothing. My mind swirls, a part of me is so angry I can't speak. I feel like an idiot and a child but another part of me is grateful to him for getting the job done. I want to be mad at him but am I allowed to be considering he's the reason Hyde got caught and the reason I've been kept safe for these weeks?

It takes an hour and a Tylenol PM for me to finally drift off but another hour later I wake to puke in the bathroom. Christian follows me in, rubbing my back for me and helping me hold my hair while I gag on the fear and anxiety making it's way out of my body. I should care that he's seeing me like this, but I just don't. I feel almost numb.

I don't want him to touch me when crawl back into bed but I can't sleep without agonizing fear unless he's holding me so I back myself into him and close my eyes, the familiar heavy hum of the sleeping aide taking effect again. I'll deal with his secrecy later, right now I need him far too much.

* * *

I don't know I'm having a nightmare until Christian is shaking me awake, sitting me up and flooding the bedroom with light.

"Ana, Ana wake up, you're dreaming, Ana." His eyes search mine frantically, his large hands holding my face and smoothing down my hair, alternating between wiping the tears from my face and rubbing the back of my neck. "What was it, Ana?"

"I don't remember." I really don't, I just _feel_ afraid. I _feel_ alone. I _feel_ isolated. I _feel_ out of control. I can't remember the dream but I can't shake the emotions behind it. He holds me tightly, rocking back and forth and shushing me until the sweat dries and my tears stop. The clock reads 5:28 but I couldn't fall back asleep if I had to.

"You knew and you didn't tell me." A gasp of a sob bursts from my chest and even though it's ridiculous, I feel betrayed by him on some level. I have been terrified of that man finding me and hoping and praying for him to be found for weeks now. And when things finally start coming together, when there is finally good news in the midst of all of this, I'm left in the dark.

Instead, my boyfriend puts on an act worthy of an Oscar, hiding me from extremely relevant news while he tells me that nothing is wrong. I feel lied to and cheated. Mix that with the fallout of my stalker getting arrested and an impending menstrual cycle and you've got one overly emotional woman on your hands.

He's quiet for a few minutes, close to five by my estimation. Each second brings more anger, the fury of it all building in my chest so that when he does speak, I have to tell myself over and over to keep my mouth shut.

"It seemed like the right thing to do. I didn't want to scare you or frighten you." He pulls me away and looks at my face intently. "I want to keep you from every bad thing there is, I want you to always feel safe and protected when you're with me and telling you, before we knew what would happen just seemed foolish." He shrugs, even he knows he's fucked this one up.

"I didn't think you'd be upset. You hardly ever asked about the investigation, I thought you just didn't want to know." Now I feel like shit. I draw in a shaky breath and do my best to stem the tears that just will not stop.

"I didn't ask because if I did, you stonewalled me anyway. You told me you'd update me, you never did, so I assumed nothing had happened."

"Up until tonight, you were right. Nothing did happen." That makes me feel a lot better actually.

"Christian, I know I'm safe with you. I know you'll protect me and I know you've done all you can to ensure my safety but I would have liked to have known that this was going down. I'm upset that I missed it, I feel like part of my own redemption was taken from me." He looks wounded so I crawl into his lap further and cup his face now. The last thing I want to be is ungrateful.

"I am so _so_ thankful for all you did. I don't want to think about what would have happened had you not been in my life during all of this." He shudders and hugs me tightly, burying his face into my hair and inhaling.

"Don't talk like that, it makes me crazy inside." His voice is a whisper that soothes me.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I want to be a part of things _with_ you. Not after the fact. This was a huge part of my life that I should have been informed about. I know your intentions, Christian and that's the only reason I'm not mad but in the future, I want to know about what is going on when it comes to my security. Keeping me from it makes me feel less safe. I don't want to always be wondering about what you're not telling me."

He tilts his head to the side and takes a minute to absorb my words, allowing them to fall into place before he sighs and tightens his arms around me.

"I will do my best to inform you of any and all measures taken to ensure your safety going forward. Forgive me, baby?" His finger lifts my chin so that we're eye to eye.

"There's nothing to forgive. I know your heart, you just need to trust me the same way." I sit back, lying down prostrate, giggling as his eyes turn almost black at the site of my bare thighs. "Now, what I'm _mad_ about is that you lied to me!"

His head snaps back, eyebrows knitting and for once he's the one biting his lip. "I did not. I've never lied to you!"

"You told me nothing was going on the entire night." He flops down next to me, my thighs abandoned and groans.

"That wasn't a _lie_. That was an _omission_ to protect your sanity. And at that point, we didn't really know much."

"Fine, an omission. It may not technically be a lie, but it has the same effect." I lie on top of him, his hands automatically grabbing onto my ass and watch that smile form at the corners of his lips. "Please don't leave me out of things again, it hurts."

The smile fades as does the squeeze of his hands when he registers that he's inadvertently hurt me. "I'm fine, Christian." I breathe against his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip until his hands resume their massage.

"I'm sorry, baby." I continue to kiss him, licking small strokes over his lips and tongue until I feel him fully hard and pressed against my belly.

"You don't need to be sorry, you did nothing wrong. You just…..made bad judgment call." My palm slides over his erection and I catch his moan in my mouth. "But at the end of the day, you probably saved my life." I grip him, he bucks and I smile. "I'd like to say thank you."

"I may have probably saved your life, Ana. But you have definitely saved mine." He grins like a cat but his breath is speeding up along with his heart. He winks. "But I'll still take that thank you."

* * *

***salted caramel is what CG describes AS as tasting like**


	35. Chapter 35

**Authors note: Hi guys! I appreciate the comments and PM's about not altering my story because someone requests something but I feel the need to clarify. This story, and its characters, have already been outlined to its completion. I haven't, and probably won't, alter anything, including skin color. I'm guessing some of you missed that Ana's therapist is a black woman as well. I'm a big believer in writers writing what they want but I do respect the people that take the time to read this and review it as well, it means a great deal to me and I love the connections I've made with some of you. So while I do listen to everything my reviewers have to say, I will be the first to let you know that the characters, _in their totality_, have already been 'sketched'. And damn, you all really loved airplane sex!**

* * *

**APOV**

"What made you choose Aspen?" Christian and I are sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. The sliding glass doors to my right open up to an enormous wrap around deck that looks out over the Ajax Mountains. He shoves another bite of bread pudding in his mouth and chews, answering before he's finished swallowing. I love when he's relaxed like this.

"My family used to come here to ski, it's where I learned actually. I like the town, nobody really cares who I am or how much money I've got."

"You have a lot of money." He stills and rests his elbows on the bar eyeing me carefully.

"Yes, I do. You don't like money?" He's teasing but I can tell he's unsure of where I'm going with this.

"Everyone likes money, Christian. I'm just not used to being around _so much_ of it. It overwhelms me sometimes the life that you live."

"We live, Ana. I want everything to be about us now. No more I or me or you." He pulls my lip out from between my teeth and kisses me softly.

"That's a lovely sentiment but this is your lifestyle. I'm a part of it but that doesn't make it mine." I take a long sip of coffee out of my Star Wars mug, still touched that he remembered to pack it for me.

"Does it ever freak you out? Do you ever feel, I don't know, controlled by it?" His expression tells me that he has no idea what I'm talking about.

"No. I like having money, Ana. I grew up not eating for days at a time, having money makes me feel secure and allows me to make others lives secure as well. I'm not about to apologize for being wealthy." He seems almost mad but he's misunderstanding what I'm saying.

"You shouldn't! You do a lot to ensure that others have a better life, that's not at all what I was getting at. I just mean that having your kind of wealth means that there are always people knocking on your door looking for something. How can you ever know who's genuine and who's not? How can you ever let your guard down?"

"I don't. I've kept my circle very small for a few reasons, my wealth being one of them. I also employ people who are very good at siphoning out the scam artists. Andrea being my number one line of defense." He winks over his mug.

"She really is very competent. I think she and I could be friends." He shakes his head and swallows his coffee before standing to clear his dishes.

"No. You can't be friends with someone that works for me, it's too intimate." I understand his position, it's the reason I haven't pursued a relationship with her outside of the office but I'm still stunned that he thinks he can dictate who I'm friends with.

"You do know that I can be friends with whomever I want to be friends with, right? I'm not an idiot, I've purposefully not reached out to her outside of the office but you need to know that I'll choose who's in my life just as you've chosen." His back is to me but I can see the tensing of his broad shoulders as he stares out the window over the sink.

"Ana, you are with someone who has extreme wealth and influence. You're going to be bombarded with people who want to be 'friends' with you. Family you didn't know you had is going to come out of the woodwork. I don't think you're an idiot but if you bring just anyone around, I'm going to have an issue with it." He turns and points. "And yes, every new person in your life is going to submit to a background check and an NDA depending on their level of involvement."

Discussion over. I can't argue with him. Since the pictures of us first surfaced I've received calls from people I knew as far back as elementary school. As much as he can expand my world, being with him has also shrunken it a lot too.

"I have a very important call in 15 minutes. I was thinking you could go to the spa and spend some time there while I deal with some GEH stuff. We can meet up for lunch at the meatball place Elliot suggested." He rolls his eyes and then walks over to me, standing between my jean clad legs. "If you're up for it. We can stay in all day too. I don't know how you want to navigate everything right now in light of last night's developments."

I hadn't forgotten but I had managed to push the reality waiting back in Seattle down. I'll have to testify, that much Carrick confirmed this morning on the phone. There's been no date set, they've not even brought him back to Washington but there's a certain protocol that will be followed and appearing in court to face him is inevitable. As long as Christian is there, I can face him head on. I make a mental note to double down my efforts with Eyal.

"I could go for a massage. You make your call, I'll get pampered then you can feed me. Sounds like a great day to me!" He swats my ass and calls for Mr. Bentley who appears a minute later in jeans and LL Bean shoes. My kind of guy.

"Can you please take Ms. Steele to Remede and wait for her there? I'll have security do a sweep before she's escorted in."

"Yes, Sir. Ms. Steele, whenever you're ready, we'll go."

"What did you want? I'll have Andrea call and make the appointments." Future friend or not, this is an appointment I'd rather make myself.

"I'll call if you give me the number. I want a massage but I also need a wax." I say it as quickly as can but the blush flies up my neck, intensifying when he turns those gray eyes on me in appreciation.

"I don't think so." What? Don't think what? He's the one that suggested the spa to begin with. "If you get a wax, you can't have sex until tomorrow and I've got serious plan for later." My belly dances but knowing he's got 'plans' only makes me want to get it done more.

"I've been getting them long enough that a solid 12 hours is a good enough wait. If I get it now, I'm good to go by 10ish." He eyes me skeptically. "Plus, it makes things so much more sensitive for me." Aaaaand he's sold.

I get the number and make my two appointments, adding on a haircut that he makes me all but sign a contract over. I am only allowed to take off one inch at the most and even then only if the stylist decides I need it. I take a quick shower and jump in the Audi he's got here. Christian hands me a small envelope when I kiss him goodbye and kisses me.

"If you argue about this, I will be seriously pissed off. Don't deny me this." He grinds into me so that I'm helpless to say no and rip the top. It's a black American Express card with my name on it. Refusing it will not only piss him off, it will hurt his feelings, I can tell by the way he leans back and raises his eyebrows.

As deeply as I can I take a breath and say the words in my head before I say them out loud.

"Thank you, Christian. I'll be careful with it."

"I don't want you to be careful, Anastasia, I want you to buy whatever it is you desire. I don't care how much it costs or how frivolous you think it is. If you want it, get it and don't think twice about it. If you use your own money for anything from this point forward, and I will know about it, I'm going to be upset."

"Coffee?"

"AMEX."

"Tampons?" He laughs.

"AMEX."

"House?" His eyes shoot up.

"If you can find an agent who will charge it and I get to live there with you, AMEX."

"Condoms?" He sputters and smacks my butt, grabbing it and pulling me close.

"Never. You do know how to rile me up, now go get pampered."

* * *

The Remede is breathtakingly beautiful. In my wildest dreams I never thought I'd come to a place like this but when the name Christian Grey get's dropped, I'm not just 'here', I'm treated like royalty. My estitician, Dana, is friendly and chatty, two things that I appreciate in a woman when she's flipping you around and spreading you as far as humanly possible.

"Hold tight there, Ana." Fuck that hurts. _Fuck fuck fuck!_ I've never enjoyed this particular routine but it's made somehow more palatable by the fact that I'm now doing this for him. A few minutes later I've been powdered and am lying face down on a massage table getting the stresses of the last few weeks worked out of me by a woman named Henrika. Outside of the normal pleasantries she doesn't say much but it's her demeanor that touches me the most.

Maybe it's my emotionally overloaded state, maybe it's the quiet of the room or the soothing strokes of her oiled hands but I break. Tears fall, my nose stuffs and my head goes dizzy again as fear and self-doubt rise up and out of me.

"Do you need a break, Ana?" She rests her hand in the center of my back and leans down to my ear. I shake my head no and she hands me a tissue and continues as I cry, my tears pooling on the floor beneath me.

"Sometimes massage does this to people. There's an intimacy in it that touches deep." Her hands sweep over my neck and she says softly, "You are safe here." I know I am, there's a female security detail stationed outside of this room but she means that whatever I need to do, I can do without fear of her judgment or fear of her telling anyone. Her kindness eases over me and even as her hands rub out the tension of my muscles, her presence draws out the emotions I've hidden for years.

An hour later I'm drained, relaxed in both body and mind when she lays her hands on the top of my face and thanks me.

"I should thank you, Henrika. I'm sorry I lost it there for a while." I close my eyes in embarrassment but she tuts and stands, handing me the white wraparound towel.

"It happens a lot. Let it happen though, Ana. It's not good to keep all that inside." Is that what I've been doing? I've certainly _felt_ emotional over the last few weeks and I've had a few breakdowns but am I really dealing with the underlying causes?

In the steam shower I give myself a mental talking to and make a promise to myself to be as open with Dr. Fischer as possible. I've held back, not wanting to discuss Christian's lifestyle for fear of betraying him but it's a large part of my issue and one that I have nobody to discuss it with.

I have no idea how to dress for Aspen but I do my best, donning skinny white jeans and a loose cream knit sweater that keeps out the chill of the mountain air but doesn't make me hot in the sun. Christian is waiting at The Meatball Shack in jeans and his signature white button down. He's hot just like that but paired with his Aviators and the shit eating grin he gives me when I walk up, he's downright sinful looking.

"Hi. How are you feeling? Down there?" He begins to chuckle, unable to stop himself. "On your daisy?"

"You are a child." I huff and then laugh with him stopping only when he kisses me, bending me into him and pressing against me in the most obcene manner this place has ever been witness to.

"I want you home, naked and moaning." Sounds good to me. Actually, the seam of my jeans is a reminder as to why I'm not letting him take me home right now. Stinging is an understatement.

Once we've ordered, veal meatballs for Christian, chicken for me, we grin like idiots across the table from each other, his thumb gently running over the top of my hand.

"You seem happy today."

"I am. A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders last night, I'm on vacation with the prettiest woman to ever walk the planet and I'm about to eat balls of meat made of veal." I sputter my water out and laugh at his play on words.

"You make it sound so gross. How was your call?" He lifts one eyebrow and sips his beer slowly.

"Good, not as bad as I expected it to be but another legal headache anyway." I stare at him, raising my eyebrows urging him to go on. "I had an employee steal money from GEH. You remember the Ponzi scheme I told you about that my dad alerted me to?" I nod. "Turns out, the guy needed an infusion of cash for leery investors so he seduced one of my female accountants and had her, cleverly I may say, take a little over one million dollars from me in less than two months."

He raises his glass, sips again and carefully puts it back down. "Remarkable really. We'd have never known about it if her boyfriend hadn't landed himself under investigation."

I whistle low and lean back when the food arrives but he keeps talking. I like chatty Christian.

"They're both married, stupid fucks. We'll be prosecuting to the fullest extent of the law as will the SEC I'm sure. She's going to be in prison for a long time." He waves his fork. "For what? She's got a broken marriage, she destroyed another one and she helped him facilitate the financial devastation of hundreds of people."

"That's a lot of money for you to lose."

"Not really, not in the scheme of things. He's stolen probably closer to four billion by conservative estimates. They expect to arrest him later this week."

"Will it effect GEH?" He's got enough to deal with right now, bad press and missing money isn't going to help.

"I can't answer to the SEC investigation. Initially we were worried that money was being laundered through GEH and that would have been devastating. This, believe it or not, is a best case scenario." He reaches across and spears a piece of my lunch offering me some of his as well.

"No thanks, I don't do veal." Gag.

"I thought we could go shopping after lunch since you _still_ haven't hooked up with Caroline Acton." He gives me a disapproving glare but I ignore it. "We can just stroll around downtown and see what strikes your fancy."

"You're so old. Who says that? Strikes your fancy?" He grins and grabs my hand, planting a sweet kiss in my palm.

"You make me so happy, Anastasia." I swallow hard and smile at him, bringing his palm to my own mouth and kissing it lightly. If I speak at all I will start to cry again but I don't want to explain to Christian why I'm emotional. I realize now why Henrika had such an effect on me. She is the first person in two months that won't report anything back to him. Unknowingly, she gave me back a piece of my privacy.

Shopping in Aspen is without a doubt the strangest thing I've done to date. I'm a Target girl, every once in a while I'll hit the mall and up the ante on my wardrobe but for the most part, if it's nice, it came from Kate's closet. The boutiques that we enter are the definition of the word posh. Every single sales person is dressed and beautified to perfection, every store offers either wine or champagne and every shop offers a personal concierge.

I hold my own in the first two stores, picking up a few dresses and a new pair of jeans but when we hit the boutique with the gowns in the window, I nearly have a heart attack. Nothing even has a tag on it and the names are so famous that even _I_ know them and that's saying something.

Christian explains to the perfectly quaffed blond sales girl that we have a black tie dinner on Friday evening and that he'd like to see me in green if possible. His reason is obvious; he wants me to wear the emerald necklace that was caught up in the wreckage of our reunion on Saturday. She brings out three, all floor length and before she lifts the first one up Christian has nixed it.

"Too revealing." I admit that it is but it's gorgeous and the necklace would look amazing with it. I finger it gently and he crosses his leg, resting his ankle on his knee. "If you wear that out, I'd wind up in jail. No." Well if he feels that strongly about it…..

The other gown has a criss cross neckline which won't work for the necklace so I push that one to the side holding up the last one. "What about this one?"

The gown is beautiful in a darker peridot color with a sweet heart neck line that will show off my breasts without making me look obscene. He sips his champagne and beckons for me to try it on. The sales girl enters the dressing room with me and helps me to zip it up while I look at it critically in the mirror. It fits me well and drapes down my bodice and over my hips sensually. The thigh slit is a bit much for him to take, I'm sure, but if I don't thrust my leg out I can keep that under wraps. I like it, I like the way I feel in it, I like the way it swirls around my legs and I like that it makes my eyes pop.

"How much is this?" I whisper to the sales lady but she only smiles.

"I'm not to talk to you about pricing." Damn, he's gotten to her. She continues to prattle about, fluffing the sides and lifting it to accommodate my height. "We'll need to alter it of course. We have someone on sight, let me get her to measure you and then I'll have it delivered later today to your home. We'll need shoes first though." She scrutinizes me and then lifts a finger in the air. "This would go with a gold strappy heel, let me go see what we have on the floor." She exits and returns a few minutes later with gold embellished four inch heels that are to die for. I've never owned a pair of Manolo Blahniks in my life. Paired with a matching gold bag I'm sold.

"You've got to tell me how much this all costs, please, I'm begging you. Woman to woman." Surely that counts for something! Instead she helps Roberta measure me and then helps me out of the dress, zips it into a garment bag and waves me off. In the dressing area Christian is tapping away at his phone but stops expecting to see me all done up.

"Where's the dress?" He looks upset.

"You'll see it on Friday." His eyebrows raise and he smiles, shoves his phone in his pocket and stands.

"Is it green? The one I liked?" I nod and kiss him shyly. Outside of my parents I've never had anyone buy me clothes. It feels strangely intimate.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure, baby. You have no idea how happy it makes me to do this with you. Thank you for accepting it and not sucking the joy out of it." I am _so_ glad I didn't raise a fuss even though I'm very uncomfortable right now.

The clothes and shoes he purchased are loaded into the waiting SUV by one of the security men but we continue our leisurely walk down Main Street, stopping for a coffee at an open air cafe to sit and people watch.

"Do you want to go for a bike ride?" Is he joking? I shoot him an incredulous look and he raises his eyebrows over the tops of his Aviators. "Horse back riding? Mia did it last summer here and she loved it." He's kidding. He has to be kidding.

"Bike riding and horseback riding? After a Brazilian? Thanks but that would be a big hellstotheno." Just the thought has me crossing my legs and cringing. He throws his head back and laughs loudly enough so that the patrons on the patio look around. The women that weren't previously ogling him are now aware of his presence and are full on staring. He has no idea, his eyes are set on me and me alone.

I stand and sit sideways on his lap, wrapping my hands around the back of his head and tell him I want a bath. He stands, throws a ten on the table, what for I don't know, we had two take away coffees, and then drags me into the SUV, pulling me back onto his lap and his waiting erection. It takes all the willpower I have to not turn around and flip off those women.

"Woah there Lance Armstrong. When I said a bath, I meant, a bath." His hands still in my hair, his hips stop gyrating upwards and his eyes flash to mine. Oh shit, he's not happy.

"Are you denying me what's mine, Anastasia?" Am I? Or am I exercising my free will?

"No, I'm _delaying_ it. I want to take a bath and get dressed for dinner tonight. I brought a pretty new dress to wear out and I want to make myself look good for you." He's not convinced. "Plus, if I'm not riding a horse or a bike, I'm not riding you either, I'd hate to have to push off your plans for another night." It works, he grins and swats at my behind.

"Buckle up, baby. For the record, I don't like it when you say no to me, no matter what the reason. Consider yourself warned, if you deny me again, I up the ante tonight." I'm already apprehensive so I choose, wisely I think, not to poke at him right now.

The master bathroom in this house is my second favorite room outside of the library. It's big but somehow still cozy. It could be because there is a sofa and fireplace, _in the bathroom_, or it could be the dark woods and slate grays that were used in here. The tub is against the far wall which is made of glass and looks out over Ajax Mountain. There are candles around the ledge, all with unused wicks and I take great joy in striking matches knowing that even after I've left, I've left a mark.

"Oh come _on_, give a man a chance!" I giggle and blush at being caught getting into the tub that is now filled with bubbles.

"If you can keep your hands and your dick to yourself, you can come in." He whips out a piece of crumpled paper and holds it between two fingers with a truly salacious grin.

"Care to explain?"

"I left it on your pillow last night, it's your daily affirmation. You were supposed to find it with me." I'm blushing again but he's laughing, tugging at his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

"Well Carmella found it this morning. I didn't even bother to take my pants off last night let alone look on my pillow." He's almost naked now, my mouth dry with the want to lick him. _Did he just say Carmella found it?_ Oh my god.

"Carmella? Found it? This morning?" I'm choking on the words but he just grins.

"Yup. She just left it on the nightstand, didn't say a word." He walks over, buck naked and holds the note open for me. "Read it, I want to hear this one from you directly." _Oh my god!_ He's expecting me to be shy about this but I've resolved, as of one minute ago to be as unprudish as I can be tonight.

"You have a huge dick." We both burst out laughing, his abdominal muscles rippling and moving. So unbelievably sexy and all mine. "Did you take a picture of this one as well?"

"Of course. I want to video you saying it too."

"No. I draw the line at potential blackmail." I giggle and watch as he lowers himself in across from me, immediately taking my foot in his hand and rubbing the arch in small circles. I groan and rest my head back, allowing the amazing feeling of being in this bathroom, with this man, in a nice hot tub getting a foot massage overtake me.

After a few minutes he switches to the other foot, his eyes still focused intently on my toes. Something is bothering him and as much as I've learned how to push Christian to talk, I also have learned that sometimes he needs to do things in his own time.

"Why won't you move in, Ana?" The sadness in his voice hits me in the gut. Still his eyes don't look at me.

"It's a number of things, Christian." I speak slowly, measuring each word since I know the weight they carry. He will hear them again and again and analyze each one looking for any sign of me leaving him.

"I've known you for two months and even though I love you and want to be with you, I don't feel ready to live with you." He drops my foot onto his leg and levels at me.

"But why?"

"For one, I like my independence. I like having 'my' place and feeling like I'm doing the adult thing on my own. I like living with Kate and having stupid girl fun until four in the morning and I like not having to worry about answering to that."

"You can still have your independence with me, it's part of what attracts me to you so much. And it _would_ be _your_ place and if you and Kate want to eat ice cream all night long I don't give a shit, it'd be your home to do it in." Here goes the rest of it.

"Being with you brings a lot of intensity to my life, Christian. The media scrutiny, the constant barrage of people wanting to get to you, security, the lack of privacy. It's a lot to take on and as much as I love you, I need a break from that every once in a while and having my own place to go to is essential for me until I get used to all of this. Not a break from you, a break from the bullshit that you can't help."

He drops his head back and exhales slowly.

"I can't argue that one. I know I've totally fucked up your life."

"What? When did I say that? I said it's intense and if you had paid attention, the intenseness is caused by _other_ people, not you." I will not tell him that his constant need of me terrifies me. I feel like if I mess up, if I don't answer him the right way or I don't meet his needs then he will immediately fall into the pit of self-pity and loathing that upsets me so much. It's an unfair responsibility and the reason I'm pushing for him to talk to his parents. He needs other people who he can depend on, not just me, the pressure is cracking me. Case in point, me not moving in.

"You have not fucked up my life, Christian, you've added to it in ways I never thought possible for a girl like me. You've given me more joy in two months of knowing you than I've ever had in my life. And the last three weeks of being yours? Bliss." I slide down and poke his sternum with my big to get his attention. "I wouldn't trade a minute of our life together for what I used to have."

"I need you with me." Such simple words that hold so much vulnerability.

"You have me. Me living three miles away doesn't change that." His eyes close, his head falls back and he sighs.

"I want you to need me the way I need you. I want you to want me the way I want you."

"I do!" I gasp but the moment the words leave my mouth I know he's ready to rebut them.

"No, Ana, you don't. If you did, you'd be my wife by now, not my girlfriend." My heart literally skips a beat and then drops to my stomach. "I think about you every minute of every day. There is nothing that happens in my life that I don't equate to you as an individual or us as a couple. Everything in my life begins and ends with you." And that, is what I find so terrifying.

"It can't be like that, Christian. If I learned anything from three years of therapy it's that co-dependancy isn't good for _anyone_ in the long run." He sits up, suddenly animated.

"Bullshit! You've done more for me in the last few weeks than everyone in my entire life before you. You make me _want_ to be better, you make me _want_ to pursue a normal life, you make me _believe_ that I can have it."

I'm actually getting upset that he gives himself zero credit. And I'm still stuck on the word wife. I won't lie, I've thought about it but there is no way, at 22, I'm allowing my head to go there yet.

"No, you grew up and decided that you wanted something and you made changes in your life accordingly. You told Elliot about what happened, I didn't even know you had done it until after the fact. You chose to get that woman out of your life before I ever came around. You took the steps to find another victim and you're the one who, despite having every option available to you, chose not to take on another submissive."

He's silent and thoughtful as he resumes rubbing my feet. I take his in my own hand and start to squeeze his heels, mimicking what he's doing to me.

"I cherish you, Christian and not because of the things you've done or the money you have or the way you look or the power you wield. I love you because of who you _are_." I sit up straighter and cross my arms over my chest when I catch him staring at me.

"Say five nice things about yourself." He snorts and lies back again. "And it has to be about _who_ you are not _what_ you are."

"I could never think of five things that are good about me, Ana." He's pained but I press on.

"You can forget about your plans for the night then. We're not leaving this tub until I have five things listed out by you."

* * *

**CPOV**

She's crazy, totally lost her mind crazy. Five things about who I am that are redeeming qualities. Does fucking and making money count? If not, I'm screwed. Her face is dead panned though and I know this look. She's serious as hell right now and sexy as fuck.

"I give away a lot of money." She throws her hands up, giving me a quick peek at her soapy breasts and breathes out with annoyance.

"Also known as being generous."

"Yea yea, I'm generous. I always tell the truth." Even if it's hurtful and costs me a deal. She makes a 'come on' motion with her hand and I relent. "I'm truthful."

"You got it, now three more and we can get out of here." I groan.

"Come on, Ana. I can't think of three more things." Her hands rise menacingly out of the water and cup her breasts, a soft sigh escaping her mouth. My mouth dries while I watch, she knows exactly what she's doing.

"I'm protective over the people that I love." I love _people_. Anastasia, my family, even Taylor, Gail and Andrea on some level. My mind swirls with the revelation. _I love people._

"Two more." She leans back so just the pink tips are above the water line and runs her palms over them, rinsing the suds off and causing them to sway in the water. I'm going to come just watching her do that.

"I'm faithful." She drops her hands and smiles hugely. This is something she worries about.

"I love fiercely."

"Yes, you do. And I love you back just as fiercely." My heart hammers in my chest, a combination of lust and adrenaline as my words bounce around and awaken a part of me I didn't know existed. I found five good things to say about myself and they were legit. And I told Ana I wanted her to be my wife and she had no adverse reaction. She needs to know I'd never hurt her.

"Ana, you know that no matter how long we're together, no matter what happens, I would _never_ be unfaithful to you. Do you know that?" She bites her lip and lifts one shoulder.

"I guess." I slide down until we're nose to nose, wrap her legs around my waist and take her face in mine.

"I would rather be celibate for the rest of my life than hurt you and betray you like that. It will NEVER happen. Do you understand me? I'm a man of honor and integrity and I would die before I gave that up and hurt you." Her face breaks out into a huge smile and she moves further onto my lap pressing her breasts against my chest.

"You said seven things."

"No shit. I did." I'm a bit stunned but not halted in my declaration. "Answer me, Anastasia. Do you understand that I would never do anything to hurt you or to break up our relationship?"

"I do." It takes her a minute but she relents.

"Good, now come on, let's shower and get ready for dinner. If I stay in here with you for three more seconds I'm going to fuck you, soreness be damned."

She sinks back and closes her eyes. "You go shower, I'm going to shave and exfoliate _in private_." I stop myself mid eye-roll. Getting her to be comfortable with all things is a bit of a challenge but I'm confident I'll get her there.

* * *

"Ana! Are you ready yet?" I'm standing at the bottom of the stairs in the typical male quandary. I'm ready to go, she's not, I'm telling her to hurry up. So very domestic and so very satisfying.

"Keep your teeth in, Grey, I'm ready. Geesh! I'm less than five minutes behind schedule." She keeps talking but I pay no attention to what she's saying. Her tiny body comes bouncing down the stairs in a short flowered dress that is the epitome of youthful innocence but draped on a body like hers, it screams Lolita. _My Lolita._

"Wow. You look….." My hand runs over my hair and grabs onto the back of my neck as I admire the sight before me. When she turns so that I can see the cut out back my cock jumps up to greet her. "amazing."

"You look nice as well. I like when you wear shorts, thank you for letting me pick them out for you today." She walks to me and kisses me on my cheek. "You have great legs and the sexiest fucking chest I've ever seen, I like when you show it off like this."

I'm stunned silent by the little vixen in front of me, pressing against an erection that probably won't go down until much later. With a little head shake I clear my mind and regain control, I've got the evening planned out but if I can't maintain my dominance, I'll never get through all of the things on my list.

Clearing my throat she steps back and smiles coquettishly, _she knows exactly what she's doing._ Time to begin playing.

"Put these in your mouth." I unfurl my palm to reveal the silver balls she liked so much and watch as her eyes pop open and fly to mine. One raise of my eyebrows later and she opens her mouth and warms them as I watch, spitting them out into my hand once they're warm.

"Turn around, grab the bottom step and open your legs for me."

"Where are the Bentley's?"

"Turn around, grab the bottom step and open your legs for me. I won't say it again."

She complies and treats me to the sight of her bent ass, a light pink strip of lace settled between her cheeks. _Damn I want to spank her right now._ My hands caress both sides, one finger sliding over the puffy fabric. She moans when I pull it to the side and slide first one and then the second ball into her, pushing them as far as I can with my middle finger.

"So wet already, Anastasia. This is going to be so much fun tonight, I can't wait." I cover her back up and tap her hip. When she turns I suck my finger into my mouth, tasting her as she watches me. _So good._

I chuckle when we get out of the car at the restaurant, the balls are clearly having an effect on her. Each time we'd hit a bump in the road she'd close her eyes and squeeze her legs together. I'm starving but I'd forgo food for a week to take her home right now and fuck her senseless.

"Sir, your table."

"Did you rent out the entire room?" She stands in the doorway of the private room and looks around at the empty space. The rest of the restaurant is crowded but back here, it's quiet and dark. Just us, just like I planned it.

"I want you all to myself tonight." _And every night._ "Come and sit, baby. I ordered already, I'm assuming you like sashimi and sushi?" The waiter places our Asian Gazpacho in front of us with a flourish while I taste the wine the somellier has brought over. Ana's face is flushed but she smiles sweetly at the man once he pours her glass and then drinks it in three sips.

"Thirsty?"

"Horny." _Fuck yea._

"I'll take care of that in time, Ana. I'll always take care of your pleasure, I want all of it, every orgasm, every tightening of your breasts, I want it all."

She swallows hard, shakes her shoulders back and steadies herself.

"I'm a little nervous about tonight. I want to do this, I do, but I'm a bit afraid of what we're going to do."

"Do you trust me?" She blinks as if I were an idiot.

"With my life." Warmth spreads throughout my body.

"Then enjoy it. Trust me, I'm going to." My cock is angry at me, jumping and twitching at what it knows is the beginning of a very satisfying night.

We eat our appetizer and move onto sushi shortly after. It brings me immense joy when Ana's hands clasp at the sight of the platter put in front of us. I ordered everything since I didn't know what she liked.

"Oh my god, it's amazing!" She reaches for her phone and braces herself on the table, exhaling slowly.

"What's the matter, baby?"

"Oh you little shit, you know! Every time I move those damn balls move with me." She lifts the phone, takes a picture and shoots it off to Missy explaining their sushi Fridays.

"So you have brunch on Sundays, lunch with me on Wednesdays and sushi on Fridays. For someone so thin you sure take the time to plan your meals." Actually, this is something I want to discuss with her but I'm not sure how receptive she'd be. Since I've known her she's lost a bit of weight, not a ton and hot damn she still looks amazing but when you're as small as she it, a few pounds can be a big deal. She shifts in her seat again, face flushing a deeper shade of red and puffs out. When she lifts a piece of sashimi to her lips and wraps her lips around the chopsticks I text Hall to keep everyone out for the next ten minutes.

"Come here, baby." Her lashes lift, widening her confused eyes but she rises and stands next to me anyway. I push my chair away from the table and brush one palm under her dress to rest on the outside of her thigh while the other skates between her knees, pushing her legs apart far enough for me to lift one over my lap.

"Sit." She groans when her sex pushes against my erection and again each time I rock into her.

"Oh fuck, Christian. I can't do this." Her eyes are closed, head leaned down onto my shoulder, arms around my neck.

"Shhh, we're going to get you some relief here, baby. Just be quiet." She jumps when I cup her pussy and moans in soft bursts as I run my finger up and down, saturating her panties. "I'm going to tear these off now, is that ok?"

"I don't care, just get these balls out of me." Her eyes are still closed but they snap open when I tear the panties and toss the shreds onto the floor next to us. "You really did it!"

"Eyes on me." God damn it she is so hot. My left hand holds her head in place by the back of hair while my right hand slips between her legs, three fingers rubbing in slow circles over her clit.

"I'm already there, Christian, oh god please don't stop." I couldn't even if I wanted to, she looks so beautiful right now all I can think about is watching her come.

"Let it go, come on my hand baby." Her hands fly to my chest, upping the intimacy for me. Three more rotations of my fingers and she comes, eyes wide open looking into mine on a silent cry. I can feel her wetness seep through my shorts but I don't give a fuck. Just as she begins to come down I tug the balls from her body and she cries out, convulsing and writhing in my lap.

She's damp with perspiration and minus a pair of panties but otherwise seems finally relaxed. She sags against me, breathing on my neck, her arousal now damp on my cock. If I wasn't afraid of cameras, I'd fuck her on this table right now. We need to get home, and now.

"Are you finished eating?" Her slow nod propels me to stand, picking up her panties to shove in my pocket along with the balls. They're hot against my leg, a reminder of the warmth that she envelopes me with. "Home. Now. I have to fuck you or I'm going to die."

She laughs at my dramatics but grabs her bag, walking unsteadily to the door until I grab her arm and steer her out to the car. Hall opens our door and then gets in, a simple, "Home. Quickly." thrown at him. He's a man, he understands. Plus, I'm the boss so when I say quickly, that's what I mean. We're home in record time and together walk straight to the master bedroom.

"I need to use the bathroom." Fine, whatever, just hurry up. She walks out a short minute later and stands across the bed from me, almost shyly. The break of her presence was just what I needed to collect my thoughts and get myself under control. This is her first foray into kink, I can't rush it and I can't take it too far but holy shit am I looking forward to this.

"Strip naked and then kneel on the bed, facing out." I groan inwardly when she slides the straps off of her shoulders to reveal her totally naked body. Just that dress, that's all that was between us. With a tiny kick of her feet it slides to the door. I take off my own clothes as I make my way to her side, watching with appreciation as she climbs on the bed and kneels, facing out, just like I asked.

"Good girl. I like this." My hand cups her pussy again and heat pours from her. "I like being able to see all of you. "Anastasia, we won't do anything tonight or any night that you don't enjoy. If something is too much or if it frightens you, tell me and we'll stop right away."

"Do I need a safe word?" _So cute._

"No, baby. We're just playing." I withdraw my hand and step back, crossing my arms over my chest, tossing my head at her. "Play with your breasts." She complies immediately, cupping them and then rolling her nipples between her fingers. I'm never going to make it.

"Lay down flat, feet towards the middle. I want your head to hang over the side of the bed so I can fuck your mouth." Her abs tighten, a satisfied thrill running down my dick. "So beautiful." I murmur, running my hands from her shoulders to her ankles before stepping in front of her and taking her arms between my legs to restrain her.

"Lick your lips. Perfect, now open wide. Relax your throat, you're going to take me deep." Holy shit I almost come when I slide into her mouth. Slowly I move my hips, working myself deeper with each shallow thrust so that she can accommodate me. "Shit, Ana you look so hot right now. Your body laid out for my pleasure. Open your legs for me, I want to see what's mine. Ohhhhh fuck yea. Look how wet you are."

I reach down, tweaking each of her nipples before swatting her wet pussy with the flat of my hand. She jumps and stops herself from biting down on my cock just in time. Not my most well thought out move. Standing I lean back and continue to push into her until I can see the slight rise and fall of her throat when I stroke. _Afuckingmazing._

"Fuck baby, I can see myself in your throat." Very lightly I lay my palm around her neck, feeling myself. I'm ready to come but I've been waiting for this for too long to do it now. Instead I pull out of her mouth and tug on my balls to stem the orgasm that desperately wants to happen. She's panting beneath me. "Suck on my balls."

She does, one by one, licking in circles as I lean over her and lick her slit, drinking in the cream that's coating her. So sweet, so good. I want more, always more with her. She's moaning against me, the vibrations adding to the sensation of her tongue and lips. I know she's close, I can sense it in the tremble of her thighs and the pace of her breathing.

Adjusting myself I slid my cock back into her mouth and fuck her as I suck on her clit, flattening my tongue against it and licking it quickly from side to side. Her hands reach up and grip my ass, her nails digging into my muscles and I come with a roar into her wet folds, catching the flood that comes out of her when she comes on a strangled cry.

Pulling away I give us no time to rest and instead lift her limp body to the center of the bed and raise her arms above her head. I reach under the pillow and take out one of my silver ties. I wore this tie the night I met her and while I don't expect her to remember, I certainly do. I chuckle remembering the thoughts that were running through my mind that night.

I wanted her more than anybody in the entire world but I had no idea what I'd be getting in the process of bedding her. _Love._ More love than I ever thought humanly possible. We sat on her couch drinking wine and I actually ran through my scenario, thinking that the only way to tie her up was with this tie. I've worn it a lot since and each time I make a note to use it. Tonight, I will. The Christian from two months ago gives me a high five.

She gasps when I knot the tie around her slender wrists and then around the spindle of the headboard. My semi-hard cock brushes against her breasts and she smiles at me, watching it get bigger and harder before her eyes.

"I'm not even touching you." She whispers.

"You don't have to. I want you that much, Anastasia. Now close your eyes, baby. No more talking."

She doesn't, instead they widen when I withdraw a length of heavily stitched black lace, pulling it tightly in my hands before using it as a blindfold. The small tick of her heartbeat at the base of her throat begins to pulse wildly in fear.

"Shhh, I'd never hurt you, baby. This is all for pleasure. Let me take pleasure from your body and give you mine." I whisper the words against the soft skin of her neck, licking the shell of her ear and then sucking on the flesh just beneath it. Once she's settled I lean back and take her in.

Magnificent is the only word that comes to mind. Her body is gleaming perfection, her hair almost black in the dimmed light. I don't touch her but I feel her everywhere. _Mine._

"Nobody will ever see you like this, Anastasia. You are mine, don't ever forget that." Lifting her legs and spreading them I kneel between them, lean down and inhale. Sin. Wicked sin.

Her chest rises and falls rapidly and I watch until I can't take it anymore and lean down, capturing a nipple between my lips and sucking lightly, so lightly she stops moving and then arches into me. No other parts of our body touch, just my mouth on her nipples, flicking, sucking, tugging, biting. She's almost frenetic in her attempt for friction but I deny her, it will make the next part so much better.

Shifting back I remove myself physically from the bed leaving her just long enough to take the lavender wand I bought for her months ago out of its hiding spot. My laugh is low and full of sinful intentions and she responds to it, lifting her head off the pillow and calling my name.

"Right here, baby." She relaxes when she feels the dip in the mattress and straightens her legs, pointing her manicured toenails towards the ceiling. Even that turns me on. _Everything_ about her turns me on. _Focus, Grey._

"You are so sensual, Ana, so perfect in so many ways. I love your body, the way you respond to me, the way we fit together. I love the way your hips feel in my hands when I take you from behind. I love the way your head falls back when you ride me. I love the way your breasts bounce when I fuck you on your back. I love _you_, baby."

"I love you too, Christian." Hearing it shocks me. Not because I haven't heard it before from her but because she's tied to a bed with a blindfold on while I hold a vibrator in my hand. _Is this ok to do with her? Is she doing this just for me?_ I've never had a sub speak to me during sex and even though I know Ana is not a sub, this is the closest sexually she and I have walked towards that line.

Am I crossing it by doing this? My dick hangs limply as fear grips me. I need to know.

"Ana? Why do you want to do this with me?" She shifts, undulating her hips and turning her face towards me. I lift the blindfold and she blinks, my heart seizing with affection for this woman.

"I love you. You like it, I don't know if I will so I want to try it. I want to please you, Christian and I want to explore myself in the process." She bites her bottom lip and my dick shoots up like a rocket in less than three seconds. "Do you want to do this with me?" Her voice is small and quivering.

"Yes, a lot. But more than that I want to ensure that you're loved and protected. I want you to know that I don't need anything but you. The add-ons are nice but I don't need them. I need you, just you."

Her head falls back and she blinks back a tear. "I know, that's why I trust you. I want this, Christian. I promise." She closes her eyes and shuffles her legs. "Now fuck me." I laugh, put the blindfold back on and switch on the wand. She thinks she's in control right now telling me what to do...time to show her she's not. Her body tenses at the noise but then she grins.

"You said you've never used one of these. I'm looking forward to hearing what you think of them." Leaning down I suck her nipple in again and then kiss her mouth keeping my lips open and dancing with her tongue. The wand slides up her belly, between her breasts and then circles one, around and around until it rests on the tip.

"Oh fuck." She groans. I repeat the same thing on her other breast, sitting back to watch as her heart slams against her chest. "Christian, please." I'm right there with her.

"Is this what you want, Ana?" I mean to tease her when I rub the head of my cock through her slit but it tips me over the edge, stealing any control I was holding onto and I slam into her. She arches and cries out but I thrust on, harshly, over and over with a force I've rarely used on her. I need this right now, I need to take the edge off.

After a minute I lean back and catch my breath, willing myself to stay still and regain my composure. She makes it so hard though when she moves her body like a wave, lifting her abs, then hips, then thighs and calves. _She's_ fucking _me_!

"Don't move!" I yell. Not because I'm pissed but because I'm going to go if she doesn't stop. I flick the wand back on and press it to the top of her slit, sliding it around until it's directly against her clit and the base of my cock. She thrashes and yells, her arms straining to free themselves from the tie but I hold her still with one hand and slowly pump in and out, in and out, in and out, all the while pressing down on the wand.

"I can't, I'm going to, oh fuck! Christian!" She spasms around me and I buck wildly, my need to come so great that I fuck her like piston, bellowing out her name as my seed spills inside her convulsing warmth. The wand is wedged between our groins and she twists and turns to get rid of it until I reach down, pull it up, flick it off and toss it to the floor.

My body collapses on hers and with my head buried in her neck I untie the tie and then rub her shoulders and wrists, never once moving from where I fell. We lay like that for minutes but it feels like hours, basking in a shared moment that I'd never experienced in all my years of kink. _Connection._

It takes me a moment to realize that she's crying but when I do I rip myself off of her and look down at her, terrified that I've ruined us.

"What? Are you hurt? Are you ok? What, Ana, talk to me." She reaches up and smoothes back my hair sighing and giggling at the same time.

"That was amazing." She giggles again as another tear escapes. "I've never felt closer to you than I do right now." My entire body sags with relief and I slip out of her, both of us groaning at the loss.

"So, you're crying because you liked it?" She nods and rolls her eyes.

"Ridiculous, I know." I wrap my arms around her and squeeze, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"That _was_ pretty amazing. Fuck, what you do to me, Ana. It scares the shit out of me and gives me courage all at the same time." We lay in the still quiet, both of us stroking the others arm and snuggled together under the blanket just enjoying the lingering deep connection we've shared.

"Christian?"

"Mmmm?" I'm too sated to talk.

"What time are we leaving tomorrow?"

"Seven at night. Why?"

"Can we spend the day in the library?" I must have the goofiest grin on my face because she giggles when she looks at me.

"It's _your_ library, Ana. All that I have is yours." I clamp my lips shut to avoid begging her to marry me and settle for a chaste kiss on the top of her head until 'Marry me! Marry me! Marry me!' stops pushing itself onto my tongue. "My home, my heart, my life. All yours."


End file.
